Chapter Text
Bruce must be losing it. He stands there in disbelief of what the Joker just said to him. The offer he just made and it strikes him how easy it would be to tackle him to the ground and send him back to Arkham. There’s a thin line of blood coming from his nose and going by how he’s listing to the right he either has a sprained ankle or a concussion. Yet here he is considering what he said.
“You want a kiss?” Bruce says with as little inflection as possible so he doesn’t give away how rattled he is. Joker has always flirted with him, but this was the first time he had asked for Batman to take some sort of action.
“Of course, darling! It’s what I’ve always wanted. I don't think I could have made it any clearer.” He said swaying a little like he does when he’s still for too long; when he’s ready for a fight or…something else. “Just one little kiss, and I’ll be out of your hair, well…pointy ears for a month.” His smile never falters. It rarely does.
He is right. A simple kiss would be worth any amount of peace from Joker’s havoc. He is a compulsive liar though, it could just be a scam. Bruce couldn’t tell what kind of knives or weapons he had on his person, even though he had shed the coat by now. Even if it was a lie, it would still be worth the chance, right? Lie back and think of Gotham.
It’s only a kiss.
“Don’t move your hands.” Joker squealed with joy at having won. Batman stepped closer and grabbed both of his wrists, gripping them tighter than he needed to, ensuring that he couldn’t reach for a weapon. Joker groaned, but it didn’t sound like it was in pain.
“You know just how to hurt me, Batsy.” He whispered seductively.
“Just be quiet, and don’t bite.” Bruce warned in full Batman growl. Joker shivered under his touch. He leaned in and captured Joker’s lips, first tasting his lipstick then the iron in his blood. Bruce expected it to feel impersonal. Like when he would kiss a date good night after parading her around to keep up appearances. He would smile and tell her what she wanted to hear, but he was detached from all of them.
There was no detachment with Joker, no forgetting that it was the clown himself that he was kissing. That should have made it disgusting to him, it should have made Bruce feel wrong and dirty. Bruce found nothing but familiarity. Each press of his lips was answered and returned as natural as breathing. Bruce intended to keep this as chaste as possible, but when Joker pressed to deepen the kiss he just let him. It was a thrill, the kind that he only feels as Batman and never as Bruce. Joker kissed like he wanted to devour him and maybe he did. Maybe Bruce would let him. He barely caught a moan in his throat and realized they had to stop.
When they parted Joker did bite him, just this side of breaking the skin of his lower lip. Bruce retaliated by gripping the clown by the neck. Joker laughed, gasping a little from his constricted airway.
“You have…ha ha…you have a little something…hee hee…just right there!” He choked out not trying to break free. Bruce released him and Joker struggled to catch his breath while still laughing. Bruce rubbed at his face realizing that it must be just as smeared with lipstick as the Joker’s. Bruce stood there in disbelief at what he had done. He used the cape to wipe at his face ineffectively.
“If this was just to embarrass me, I hope you like wasting your time.” He tried to sound as authoritative as possible.
“Of course not, darling. That’s just an added bonus. I imagine you’ll instill less fear if they know what we get up to.” He started laughing again.
“You’re planning on telling people?” Bruce asked, an idea lighting up in his mind making him smirk.
“Why shouldn’t I, Bats? Or am I just your dirty little secret?” Joker answered, “What? Why are you smiling?”
“You’re a compulsive liar Joker, no one is going to believe you.” For a moment it looked like Joker was trying to think of something clever to say, but soon he realized that Bruce was right. His red stained face pulled into an intense frown.
“You really know how to ruin the mood, don’t you?” He said, low and dangerous.
“Just remember, I kept my end of the deal.” Batman disappeared into the shadows of the old warehouse before the other man had a chance to respond.
He tried to feel indignant about the fact that it was most likely just a ploy to embarrass him, but he was coming up short. He thought about how it could have been worse, Joker didn’t even try to attack him. He just kept being haunted by the ghost of his lips, that felt so much better than they should have.