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The days he's spent without Ron by his side have become few and far between. It's been weeks since their kiss in the barn, since Rosita and Tara got married officially, and vacationed at Oceanside afterward. Days without Ron are rare now, mainly days where he goes on runs early in the morning with Glenn and his dad and then doesn't come back until the sun has already set, and he falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow and doesn't notice when his dad throws his blankets over him so he'll sleep through the night and kisses his forehead before passing out himself.
Now he spends almost every day with Ron, whether it be in Ron's room playing video games and getting annoyed by his little brother or at Carl's house watching Judith and kissing until their lips are raw and red during her naps. They hang out in the treehouse when both their parents are home and talk until Carl's throat feels sore and he just stops and curls into Ron's side in content silence. Ron doesn't seem to mind as he pulls him closer and runs his fingers through his hair.
Carl had never thought he could be content in silence, with nothing to do, he never pictured himself being able to be calm without having something to focus on, but with Ron, it's like he doesn't need to focus on anything, he can just be there and be around him, they can just lay together in silence for hours until Ron has something to say and Carl will respond with a laugh. It's their own special private thing, it's their own thing when Carl wakes up to pebbles being tossed at his window and Ron's beneath the window telling him to meet him in the barn.
It's their own thing when Carl climbs up the hayloft to meet his boyfriend up there in the moonlight like the night they first kissed to kiss some more. He doesn't know when they turned from friends to boyfriends, but in the following days of kisses and talking and holding hands and stolen glances in crowded rooms, they had begun jokingly calling each other that, and now Carl doesn't think he could call Ron just a friend anymore.
But all of their kisses and looks and touches are exchanged when no one is looking, it's holding hands under the table when Ron joins them for breakfast and then running to the treehouse to make out until Carl's guard shift and Ron's shift at taking care of the horses. Ron's a natural with them too, and sometimes when Carl can spare the moments, he'll watch him take care of them while he should be working.
It's shared glances over the fire pits on the nights when his little group somehow misses being on the road and they cook soup over the fire and have marshmallows and all crowd into the Grimes house to sleep in the living room packed together like sardines. It's kissing on the floor behind Ron's bed just in case his mom comes home so they can pull apart and she won't notice.
Carl knows that Ron is more worried about everyone knowing than Carl is, Carl doesn't really mind if everyone knows about them, or if his family knows about them, but he does the secretive glances and stolen nights for Ron because he knows Ron is afraid and isn't going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Ron is afraid of those men his father was friends with, afraid that this safe haven will quickly turn cold to them and they'll be exiled, and Carl won't say it, but he thinks Ron is being a tad dramatic. They won't be exiled for dating each other, the Alexandrians don't give a shit about Carl, who mostly stays to himself and with his people, or Ron, who's pretty much a dick to everyone except his own family and Carl's.
So Carl doesn't tell anybody, but he knows that Glenn knows, he just doesn't say anything, but he knows Glenn watches them sometimes and smiles at them, giving Carl these encouraging looks when he sees them walking the streets together with Judith. Glenn has been something like a brother or a cool uncle to Carl since this whole thing started, he was someone who took care of him when his dad was gone and even afterward, in the moments when his dad had to take care of himself before he could take care of Carl, Glenn would come in with a hug and comforting words. Carl doesn't tell Glenn explicitly that he's with Ron, because Glenn is a blabbermouth and once he knows something is true for sure he just can't keep it in, so he doesn't say a thing. He doesn't tell Ron that Glenn knows either.
But Carl wants to tell his dad, he wants to tell Michonne and maybe even tell Glenn for real, but he knows Ron isn't ready, but he is. Michonne knows he's gay, but his dad doesn't, not at all, but he wants them to know he's with Ron, that he's happy and he's found somebody that can make him happy too. He wants to be able to hold hands on the table maybe, and cuddle together during the family movie nights Ron sometimes comes to when his dad gives his permission, he wants to be able to fall asleep with Ron in his bed and wake up with him.
Every time Carl sees his dad he itches to tell him, thinking of the hundreds of ways he could tell him and all the ways his dad would react, he knows he wouldn't react with vitriol or hate, that he would love Carl regardless of him being gay or bi or straight, but he doesn't say anything. Before it was because he was afraid, because some small part of him thought his dad would find a way to hate him, but now it's because he's worried Ron would hate him. He's worried Ron would be mad if he told his dad about them, but each and every day Carl feels closer and closer to just spilling it out, having to bite his tongue until his dad leaves the room not to spill it out.
So, the day after his run with Michonne and Rosita ends and Carls laying on the blankets in the tree house with his head in Ron's lap, he looks up at his blonde boyfriend and watches him carefully, Ron is staring out the 'window' of the treehouse, which is just a hole that rain can get through, and he's watching Alexandria like a hawk.
"Ron," he murmurs quietly, not wanting to scare him. Carl's gotten more used to talking around him, because he likes to do it, but they've also started learning sign language when they're up here. They were supposed to be learning today, but Ron started signing dirty stuff to Carl and Carl tossed his book at him which made them both laugh and kiss until they forgot what they were supposed to be doing until Carl pulled back and laid his head in his boyfriend's lap.
"Yeah?" Ron asks softly, not breaking his concentration from the window. Carl hums to himself to calm his rapidly beating heart, and twists his fingers together.
"I wanna tell my dad, about us," Carl says. Ron freezes under him, his entire body going taunt, and Carl feels himself fill with fear. He doesn't want to ruin what he and Ron have, by going too fast or not understanding that maybe this is too soon, or he's just missing some invisible cue that Ron has given him, but he knows that relationships are supposed to be equal, they're built on compromise and respect like his dad and Michonne, and Carl thinks that they should compromise on telling his dad if Ron doesn't want him to. Carl feels selfish for wanting to tell his dad, for putting Ron's comfort at risk, he wonders if this is just too much to ask from him.
Then Ron loosens, looks down at him, smiling softly, and his eyes crinkle a little at the side, and he has the dimples on his cheeks that Carl has poked before without thinking, and that made Ron laugh, and he wants to do it again to make the mood lighter but he feels frozen.
"I— just your dad?" Ron questions and his lip curls downward, like he's thinking of the game of telephone that may occur from just telling one person.
"Maybe Michonne too. But she knows I'm gay, so maybe just my dad." Carl explains, almost desperately, and he can see Ron analyzing him, and he doesn't know why he doesn't like it.
"You're stressing yourself out, Carl, calm down. I'm just worried about people finding out."
"I know! That's why I haven't told anybody." Carl says, Ron smiles, then places his thumb between Carl's furrowed eyebrows. "Stop stressing," he says teasingly, and Carl can't help his own bashful smile.
"Thank you, for not telling anyone. I was— worried about it. It's... it makes me feel good that you asked me before you told anyone." Ron admits, his cheeks are flushed and he's averting his eyes, trying to look anywhere but at Carl.
"I wasn't gonna tell anyone. I knew you didn't want me to, why would I?" Carl questions.
"'Cus I know honesty and stuff... that matters in your family, you guys love each other and shit," Ron says.
"You love your mom, and she loves you."
"I know she does, but not like you guys love each other. It's really different, and I'm worried if she finds out it'll break this... fragile relationship we're building," Carl nods his hand in understanding, that's how he had expected Ron to feel about it, and that's why he hadn't told anyone.
"My dad won't tell anyone other than Michonne, I can promise you that, and Michonne won't tell anyone. And if somehow your mom does find out, and she doesn't accept you, which would never happen," Carl shoves in hastily, "they will support me, you, us. You can always come over if your house gets too much, you know my dad will protect you."
Ron seems to think this over for a few moments, his face twisting into emotions quickly that Carl can't place, and Carl thrums his fingers anxiously on Ron's stomach until he sees his boyfriend crack a smile.
"He would?" He asks hopefully.
"He likes you now, even if you are, by your own admission, a piece of shit." Ron full-out laughs at his words and leans down to kiss him awkwardly through their giggles. When Ron pulls back, and their lips are just a few centimeters from each other, Ron smiles again, showing his teeth as they stare into each other's eyes.
"You can tell 'em, I don't mind. I hope you know— one day, one day I'll be ready for everyone to know, and if you're willing to wait for that—"
"Of course!" Carl cuts off, and he can feel his face somehow getting even hotter. "I don't like... need everyone to know either. I think PDA is weird so like, when you're comfortable, only my group and like... Enid would have to know, and you know they don't even talk to anyone else at Alexandria."
"Yeah, you guys are a little weird about that." Ron jokes.
"You've called them, and I quote, 'all boring snooty assholes!'" Carl shot back.
"And I was right!" They both laugh again, and share short kisses that are more just laughing into each other's mouths before Ron finally pulls back, craning his neck to look back out the window. Ron has gotten better with talking about his feelings to Carl now, before he was always putting up wall after wall and using jokes to pretend that he was okay, but as the few months have gone by, Ron can admit when he feels something he doesn't get or needs help with, and Carl feels proud of both Ron and himself, for getting him there, but sometimes Ron can't look at Carl when it's something serious.
"Tell your dad and Michonne, realistically I know they won't care, but some part of me worries. One day when I'm ready your whole family can know, but until then it can just be us and your parents right?" Ron asks, still not looking at him.
"And Judith. Obviously."
"Oh of course, and Judy." Ron bites back a smile.
"But yeah, I like that idea a lot. It's just our little private thing, a Grimes thing." Carl murmurs.
"I'm not a Grimes, man."
"Honorary one, 'cause we all like 'ya." Ron does let his smile out when Carl's southern accent peaks out, it's not as prominent as his dads, who had grown up in King County his entire life, but it shines through every once and a while, and Ron loves it.
"It feels good, knowing you guys think of me like that," Ron says. Carl doesn't know what to say to that, so he leans up, buries his head in the junction between Ron's shoulder and his neck, and kisses the spot there one time before resting his head on Ron's shoulder, and watching the people outside.
"Good day with Ron?" His dad asks when Carl comes into the kitchen from saying goodbye to Ron, it's only been a few hours since his conversation with Ron, and all he's wanted is to get a chance to finally talk to his parents. He thinks of the way Ron gripped his fingers as a goodbye, knowing his dad was just in the other room, and Carl thinks about how soon Ron will be able to give him a simple chaste kiss as a goodbye like how his dad and Michonne do.
"Yeah, we people-watched," Carl says, and he picks Judith up off the floor, who babbles excitedly and claps her fists together, and he loads her into her high chair while Michonne finishes dinner. She and his dad have been learning to cook together after Carl got them a cookbook as a joke for their 'anniversary' which was the day they met each other, because Carl had been joking for months now that he knew since the moment they met what would happen.
"People watched?" Michonne asks incredulously.
"We stared at people on the streets. Spencer is buying Cigarettes off some dude, buying with cans of food." Rick snorts, and he and Michonne exchange glances, they're no longer the makeshift cops they used to be, now the co-leaders of Alexandria, but they'll deal with it, not because it's anything serious, but because it's Spencer, and his dad becomes petty when Spencer is involved.
"We're learning... sign language." At that his dad perks up, giving him an interested head tilt, one of their wordless signs to keep going.
"So when I don't feel like talking we can still like... talk, you know?" And his dad nods at him.
"That's a good idea, so you want me and Chonne to learn too?" He asks.
"You don't have to—" Carl tries to explain, because it's not that big of a deal, he can sit in silence and nod along all he wants.
"No way, kid, we're totally learning, maybe we'll get everyone else too, so the group can really get to know just how much of a little shit you are!" She jokes, and Carl grins at her. She sets the steaming pan of roast potatoes that his dad made on the table, then brings and pasta and salad, they all load their plates up and Michonne is on Judith feeding duty tonight, something they all switch between regularly.
They eat in a content silence for a few minutes before Carl feels like he's about to burst, thinking of how much he needs to tell them.
"Uhm, there was another thing I wanted to talk to you guys about actually," Carl stumbles out awkwardly. He was never good with his words, and suddenly all his dream scenarios of how he would tell his dad go flying out the window, and all he's left with are two inquisitive stares his way and no words to say.
"Everything okay?" His dad asks, concerned.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Everything is fine." Carl sighs deeply. This isn't going how he wanted it to.
"But uhm, me and Ron, Ron and I? The two of us, we're kinda, like— I don't know, we're kinda dating, a little?" Carl can feel his face burning as his parents stare at him.
"A little?" Michonne asks.
"A lot?" Carl asks back.
"A marginal amount," his dad cuts in, and Michonne snorts. Carl freezes. His dad gets up from his seat and kneels on his knee right by Carl, grabbing his face with both hands and smiling, that soft dad smile that he reserves only for Carl and Judith.
"Thank you for telling us, we're both proud of you, you know that?" Carl nods rapidly, blinking back his hot tears. "You can cry, that's okay, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't tell me, but you could love whoever you wanted and I wouldn't care, okay, kid?" Carl doesn't respond, just wraps his arms around his dad's waist and lets himself shed the last few tears of worry before he pulls back and sniffs harshly.
"I love you, dad," he whispers, and he can see Michonne smile. "I love you too, Carl." He goes back to his own seat, and Carl can see him wipe his own wet eyes with his hand.
"Your dad meant it, Carl, we're both proud of you. For more than just this, your growing into an incredible man, and plus, I'd be a bit of a hypocrite for not accepting you being gay now wouldn't I?" Michonne says slyly, and for a second Carl thinks she's referencing their conversation from before, when he had told her he was gay. But then his dad makes an affronted noise from his side.
"God, I forgot about you and Andrea." And Michonne laughs heartily as his dad looks embarrassed, and it takes a few moments for Carl's brain to catch up with his words.
"You dated Andrea?" Carl asks incredulously.
"We were in the woods together for several months, of course, we dated Carl." Rick snorts.
"But really, Carl, we love you so much. I love you so much, okay?"
"I love you too, mom," Carl says with a soft smile. It's all peaceful for a moment as they get back to their meals, and Carl knows that everything is going to be okay for the next little while, because his parents know and he and Ron are good, they don't have to sneak around in his house anymore, and maybe things will get worse, but Carl knows things can't get all that bad with his family and Ron by his side.