Work Text:
I.
Lori Grimes has had a long day. She'd finally started working again after being on a very extended maternity leave, a three-year one in fact. It hadn't meant to be that long, but Carl needed her around constantly as a baby, he was always crying and only she could calm him down, only she could make him sleep through the nights, so she stayed with him every day and rocked him through his seemingly random outbursts. But eventually, she did return back to work, she missed doing something other than taking care of a child, and she missed having her own life.
But she had forgotten how exhausting working was, and she was just a cashier at a little family-owned boutique, her feet hurt and the small of her back ached when she finally got home that afternoon. She got off at four, way before Rick got off work but after Carl got out of daycare, one of Lori's friends would drive him and her own daughter home and watch him for the hour. But when Lori got home she saw Rick's car in the driveway and not her friends, and she tried not to let herself panic at seeing it, she had already planned to meet Shane after work for a drink because he had the day off, but she kept going and walked inside her house.
It's quiet, which is normal for the Grimes house if anything, Carl was always a quiet kid when he wasn't crying, he never talked and wasn't exactly rowdy, always in his own little world reading or writing. He liked learning about different types of animals, he had posters and diagrams on his walls about them, his favorite were wolves, Lori knew this because of the sheer amount of stuffed animals he had about them. The most noise you'll get is when Rick is cooking dinner and he plays one of his old tapes.
Lori walks quickly to Carl's room, assuring herself that he'll be just fine, that nothing could go wrong on the first day she was gone, so she swings the door open, and looks around frantically.
Carl's fine, he's right in his bed sleeping, on top of Rick. He's wrapped in a blanket and his small body is curled up on his dad's, his head laying on his shoulder, Rick's arm wrapped tightly around Carl so he wouldn't fall. Carl had always been a small kid, smaller than all the other toddlers at daycare, but he looked so much smaller compared to his dad, who was also asleep, head tilted toward the open window. The only light in the room was from the cracked window where Carl's black-out curtains were dangling in the wind.
But they're both asleep soundly, and Rick's got his damn earbuds in listening to some album that Lori probably hates, he's still in his uniform too, hat propped on Carl's bedside table next to all the random trinkets Carl's collected, but his holster wasn't on his belt, and Lori feels herself fill with relief. She wonders why he's here at all, he doesn't get off for another few hours, then she checks her phone to see if he texted her.
Carl had another tantrum at daycare, they said it was for no reason but Carl said that they moved nap time and he was tired, I picked him up and I'm taking him home, he'll probably sleep until dinner. Love you.
Lori felt her heart ache at that last line, thinking of Shane waiting up for her. Carl of course would throw a fit about changing nap times, so Lori just sighed and shut his door quietly, content to let him stay with his dad for the rest of the night. If he was probably going to sleep until dinner, maybe Lori could see Shane quickly before coming home.
She grabs her keys and leaves, feeling guilty for it, but not guilty enough to stay.
II.
Shane knew Rick was overprotective of his son to the point of lying to him about what the world was really like, to the point of him acting like the way Carl tried to live would ever work out in the long run. Shane had known this all of Carl's life, and while he had discussed it with Rick multiple times throughout it, he always got shut down after a while, because Shane wasn't Carl's dad, and his opinion on how Rick raised him didn't matter at all.
Rick says that Carl's happy now, even despite the circumstances and the apocalypse and everything else, that he's actually happy. And yeah, Carl may be happy but he's not safe, he'll never be safe if he listens to music all day and distracts his dad but constantly clinging to him like a child. Carl's almost 11 now, too old to be held and walked around camp, but Rick still does it, he'd hold Carl all day if Carl asked him to. Rick would leave and pack up everything if Carl didn't like it here. Maybe a tad dramatic, but Shane knows he would at least think about it.
It doesn't surprise him that he babies that kid all the time, that he risks his life going to get things just for Carl, and while Rick does actually bring back food for them every time without fail, it doesn't take away from the fact he leaves just to get Carl things that aren't necessary. Shane made sure the kid forgot his backpack at the gas station for a reason, because he needed to grow up, especially now, but Rick seemed entirely opposed to the idea.
If they were teaching Andrea how to shoot Rick put Carl as far away as possible with Glenn and cranked his music up so he wouldn't have to hear it. If they were eating rabbit and Carl couldn't swallow it down Rick took him into the RV to eat alone because Carl didn't like eating in front of people. Shane hated that he babied Carl, because Carl needed to realize that the world wouldn't conform to what he needed, especially not now.
But Rick did everything for his son, down to them sharing a bed because if they didn't Carl couldn't sleep. Carl used to be a complete and total momma's boy, obsessed with Lori and always wanting to be by her side, and Shane doesn't know when that changed, when he began to favor his dad, and when his favoring turned into almost straight ignoring his mother, he knows it hurts Lori, but she also likes not to be followed after like Rick is, she likes having her own agency now that Carl is stuck to Rick like glue.
But Shane doesn't like it. He wants Carl and he wants Lori, he wants them to be the family that Rick and Lori never could be, he wants to be Carl's dad, and he knows that with the tough love, Shane can provide that Carl will get better, that he'll grow up to be a good man like Shane who knows that the world won't conform to him, that he has to conform to it, that's why he threw his backpack away, but then Rick had to go and mess it all up by not only finding him new stuff, but going back for the damn backpack with Glenn.
Shane is sneaking from his new shared tent with Andrea to Lori and Rick's, he wants to talk to her, to tell her about his plan to make them a real family, so they can be Carl's parents as he deserves, like they deserve. He unzips the tent as quietly as he can and peeks his head in, but Lori's side is empty, just blankets and her sleeping bag, the other side with the air mattress is full though.
It's Rick and Carl, sleeping on the small twin mattress with Carl's face pressed to his dad's back, and his dad facing toward the entrance, a gun held in his hand. He's protecting him, in case someone or something breaks in, he wants to be able to shield him from anything that may harm him, and while Shane had been staying with Lori and Rick in this tent he had never thought of doing that, he had only thought about Lori. But Shane quickly realizes that Carl has got his hand clasped with his dad's free hand, holding him like he's an anchor.
Shane wonders if it'll always be like this now, if to Rick it's him and Carl against the world, if that's all that matters now, not the group or Shane or even Lori, but Carl. Shane thinks that maybe Rick's a better man than him for thinking of his son first, and for doing anything for him, even if it's stupid.
Shane zips close the tent and turns around, seeing Dale eyeing him from across the campfire, before Dale goes to his RV, shutting the door quietly, and Shane signs, rubbing a hand down his face, wondering what he'll do about his plan now, how he'll be able to protect Carl like Rick does. Maybe he just never can.
III.
Michonne knows men like Rick Grimes, she's met leaders like Rick Grimes before and after the apocalypse started, and her group before this had even been led by a man like Rick Grimes. A man who let his ego go to his head, who only cared about himself and his people, who were all about the war, thrived in the apocalypse.
At least that's what she had thought, in the beginning, she had feared he would be another Alex from her last group, another man whose ego outgrew him and almost enjoyed the fact they had to fight for their lives every day. She was sorely mistaken upon getting to know Rick Grimes. He was a man of his word and a man who thinks with his heart instead of his head, he makes his decisions based on what the entire group thinks is best if he can, he doesn't leave them to die like Alex and come home the martyr crying and making up stories on how his men were brutally murdered in front of him.
Rick wanted the world to be normal, for himself and for his family. For that baby, Michonne risked her life for, for his son, Carl, who was as interesting as his father for a different reason. Carl had never said a word the whole time Michonne had known him, not to anyone at all. He wrote on paper and mouthed words to people but he never said anything, and sometimes he wouldn't even write, gliding around the prison like a ghost.
Michonne thought she knew men like Rick Grimes, and how those men raise their sons, but Rick isn't anything like that, not at all. He and Carl garden every day and they read books together in the sun when Rick hasn't made himself busy running the place single-handedly so everyone else can relax. Michonne thought Rick would be the type of man who would show no love to his child, to toughen him up for the world ahead, and who would make sure he was ready to kill at any moment. But now Michonne knows better, and she knows Rick Grimes is unlike any man she's ever known.
When they go on a run he brings Carl because he asked, and they stop at a cliff because Carl thinks the view is nice, and Rick says the world is really beautiful despite it all, Carl nods and smiles brightly. Rick lets him stop on runs to look for cool things to bring back for himself and the others, he let him stop and stare at all the animals that now roam the streets too instead of the woods.
Rick lets his son be a kid before he's a fighter, before he's someone who needs to kill and fight and maim like the rest of them. When shit gets bad Glenn still pulls Carl into him so Carl can hide away and not look at it if he needs to. Rick lets his son read all day if that's what he wants to do, they plant flowers because Carl asked and Rick said yes because according to Maggie he could just never say no to that kid.
Carl takes care of Judith like he's her own, if Carl is somewhere, Judith is with him. In the garden, she'll be laying on a blanket watching him in content silence, or when he eats breakfast he holds her and feeds her formula when he's done, he does everything for her. Michonne can tell that Rick is proud of him, whenever he looks at him and Judith and beams so brightly it could blind her.
Michonne knows that other people think Rick babies his son too much, and that Carl won't be ready for the world if things go bad. But Michonne wonders why things have to go bad, why he has to be a cold ruthless killer to survive this world, and why should he be expected to be a murderer when he's barely hit puberty yet. Michonne would have never wanted that for her own son, let alone for Carl, and she knows Carl, she knows that when it comes down to it, he can kill a walker, he can kill multiple walkers without breaking a sweat now, he'll be a little shook about it, but Michonne would be more concerned if he wasn't.
Rick Grimes loves his son by teaching him to be kind in an unkind world, he lets him care for the pigs until they have to kill them, for the chickens and the horses, and even the little insects that find their way into the prison.
Michonne comes back to the prison late in the night after a fruitless search for the Governor with a book about bears she'll think Carl will enjoy when she sees the little family. They're asleep outside on a large blanket in the grass, Carl's got his headphones on and the CD is still spinning, he's got his books spread out around him and Judith in his arm as he lays almost curled into her, an arm protectively around her. Rick is on her opposite side, facing his kids with his gun laid right by his head, always prepared for everything, sleeping soundly under the stars.
She's amazed that they all felt comfortable enough to sleep outside, even in the relative safety of the prison fences. She thinks about when Rick told her how Carl used to love camping, how they would watch the stars and sleep on air mattresses and cook marshmallows and fish for a whole weekend away, just the two of them. He would tell her about how Carl was always the most talkative out there, how he would actually speak and stim and make fun of him for the way he walked and for his music taste, Rick said he would always take it because he likes the sound of Carl's voice too much.
Rick Grimes is not a man who teaches his son to be a killer, to be a monster in this world already full of them like she was worried he would be. No, Rick Grimes is a man who teaches his son to love, to love, and to be himself in this new world, who wants nothing but peace for his family, and for his boy. Michonne lets herself smile at them for a second, then drags a chair from the picnic tables to right behind them, setting herself up for a night of keeping watch over the Grimes.
IV.
Being on the road is hard for Maggie. After living on the farm so long, so ignorant to the walkers it was hard to adapt the first time they got stranded out there for months, but after finally getting used to a roof over her head, shitty prison beds, and days spent gardening or up with Glenn in the watchtower, it's harder to be out here.
It's hard to be out here because of Judith too, because she attracts walkers like moths to a flame and Carl can try all he wants to calm her down, but sometimes babies just cry and there's nothing anyone can do about that. But Rick and Carl try, they all do, and that's all they really can do.
The bright and hot days of walking on the road to DC seemingly get longer the more they walk, the night comes slowly and they all settle under some trees leaning up against them and light a small fire to not attract the walkers and all pretend to each other that they're not freezing outside. They have thin blankets from the prison but not enough for everyone, and they're not that good anyways. Maggie's lucky though, Glenn runs hot like a furnace, a fact which everyone else has quickly caught on to, which has led to Tara and Rosita and even Rick falling asleep on the comfort of his shoulder. Maggie doesn't mind, she gets it.
Most of the time they share the blankets, and pass them around each night wordlessly, all of them curled together for warmth as some of them sleep and some stay up on watch. It's exhausting, they can't sleep through the day like they used to, so they'll spend almost 48 hours up walking before getting an awful night's sleep anyways, but they make it work as best as they can, because they have no other options.
Rick though, despite being their unofficial leader, thinks of his kids first before he thinks of them. They all know it, and none of them mind, Carl's just a boy, and Judith is just a baby, they need more looking after than the grown adults who can make their own decisions, and if Maggie's honest, it warms her heart to see. Rick gives up his blanket every time he gets it to wrap another blanket around Judith, who gets one every night, he'll swaddle her up and just hold her to his chest and make sure he has his gun at the ready if anything happens.
Carl has his own blanket he carries clipped to his backpack, he'll wrap it around himself in the middle of the night and still shiver, so when Rick's leaned up against a tree he'll shrug an arm over Carl and the little family will fall asleep curled into each other, the most content Maggie has ever seen them. Carl's a bit too big for cuddling, now 13 and still so tiny, but Rick has seemingly never really cared about those sorts of arbitrary rules.
One night when Maggie and Abraham are on watch duty Michonne falls asleep on Rick's shoulder, and their hands slip together like it's second nature, and Carl comes back from changing Judith and stares at them for a moment, head cocked to one side, and slides to his dad's other side, throwing his arm around his dad's waist and holding Judith with his other arm, falling asleep quickly. He feels safe in the arms of his dad, in this little family he's created that grew slightly bigger than night.
V.
Alexandria is good for them, and Daryl knows this, he knows it is what Rick had always wanted, not just for himself but for his boy, for lil ass-kicker. Rick had always wanted a place like Alexandria, but now it's like he doesn't know how to handle it, this dream that he's had for so long is now real and Rick still feels like he's dreaming, like the rug will be pulled out from under him at any moment.
It has only been a few days, but Daryl can tell that Rick hates it here as much as he loves it. He loves it because Carl has his own room and has been happier, he flaps his hands more, which Daryl has learned is Carl speak for really fucking happy, and he smiles brighter already, but they both know Carl is apprehensive too. But unlike his father, Carl takes what he can get instead of drowning in his own sorrows, Rick and Carl both worry that one day this place will just disappear from them, that things will go wrong, but while Rick sits and wallows in his own fear and does everything he can to prevent it, Carl takes the good moments and shoves away the bad until they need to be dealt with.
So Carl makes nice with that Anderson boy before and after his father dies. They hang out in front of his house and Rick teaches the kid to shoot and sends Ron to Daryl to learn to throw a punch. He also teaches Ron, albeit against his will, how to skin a rabbit and get to the edible part of it, and he ignores the sound of the kid gagging behind him. Daryl knows this place won't work out, but he also knows that Ron has been adopted into this weird pseudo-family Rick has made over the past few years, and he'll be coming with them if they have to flee.
Rick is a man with a big heart who uses that instead of his head for most things. For Daryl, he never would've trusted the son of a guy he took out back and shot dead like a rabid dog, but Rick thinks the kid just needs a little help, a little bit of family so he doesn't fall apart even more than he already had.
So when Daryl comes over one night after a good hunt to give Carl this little Batman figure he found, he's not surprised to find Carl and Rick passed out on the couch with the girls. Michonne and Judith are passed out on Rick's left, Judith in Michonne's lap and somehow still sleeping like a starfish, while Carl is on his dad's other side, back to his shoulder and head uncomfortably propped up. The more interesting part is Ron, whose arms are wrapped around Carl's stomach with his head in his lap, snoozing contently.
They look like a picture-perfect family, they're content and not covered in walker guts and going hungry on bad nights and exhausted from walking every day. Ron fits right in, and slides right into the family like he was always meant to be there. Daryl lets himself smile for a second, his brother is happy, Rick's got two wonderful kids who are good people, a girlfriend who he and his kids adore, and his son even has a little boyfriend.
The Grimes family are the ones who live, and now Ron is one of those too.
V(I).
The world seems gloomier without him there. Carl hasn't left his room in days, and Michonne sleeps on the couch or Judith's floor. Ron sleeps in Carl's bed and pretends like he doesn't miss him, like he doesn't want Carl there with him for another night. But Carl can't even be touched right now, he can't be consoled or comforted, he won't even look Ron in the eye, and he won't look Michonne or Judith in the eye. He doesn't leave his room, he never does.
Carl can't leave Rick's room, he can't get out of his dad's bed and he can't stop crying into his pillow and screaming into the walls in anguish that Ron understands completely. It's too much for him, it's all too much for him. Carl has never known a life without his dad, and now he'll have to.
Ron lays in Carl's bed, which turned into their bed when on Ron's sixteenth birthday the walls fell and his mother and brother got ripped apart in front of him, on the night when he tried to shoot at the walkers and got body slammed by a different one and shot his own boyfriend's eye out. Ron lays there and stares at the ceiling, he can't hear any of the Grimes crying, but he knows if he goes into Rick and Michonne's old room he'll see Carl curled up on the bed, clutching his dad's pillow in a feeble attempt to remember what it felt like to be held by his father, in an attempt to remember what it was like for Rick to always be there, to always be holding Carl and cuddling him when the days were bad.
That's why Ron doesn't go in there, because he doesn't know if he could handle it, he doesn't know if he could bare to see a son without his father, to see the boy he loves so destroyed and know that there was nothing he could do to fix it.
Ron rolls over, faces the wall, and lets himself cry, missing the way Carl had held him too.