Chapter Text
In hindsight, Naruto should not have volunteered to supervise the autopsy of Urashiki Ōtsutsuki. Naruto should’ve offloaded the responsibility to his nearest responsible minion, hitched up his Hokage robes and sprinted in the opposite direction as fast as demonically possible. With any luck, the stampede of shrieking bureaucrats that trailed behind him as he fled from his responsibilities would shield him and the village from any meaningful impact. Their subsequent demise would also allow any damage that was done to the village to be remedied far more efficiently.
Alas, the moment was long gone and Naruto had been gifted Orochimaru’s finest stool on which to perch while he and Kabuto frowned, shrugged and passed around unidentifiable tools that escalated in strangeness the longer it went on. Orochimaru and Kabuto had, of course, scored the tender for the job as a matter of default, as if any bodies were to be snatched during this process they would be immediately identified and incinerated within a second of leaving the base. All of the village leaders had come to the firm conclusion that Orochimaru was an acceptable, if regrettable loss.
Naruto had independently come to the alternative conclusion that everyone involved was an idiot and they should’ve burnt the bastard to a crisp without any such autopsy. No one should’ve been asked and that included Orochimaru and Kabuto. The strangest thing by far was Orochimaru’s agreement with Naruto’s assessment. Kabuto, long since out of practice, was maintaining his bravest face after Naruto had reluctantly escorted the man to Orochimaru’s lab with the cadaver in question. All three of them had better things to be doing with their time than messing with a time bomb of a corpse. There might be peace, but it was through gritted teeth at best.
“Don’t look at me like that, Naruto-kun,” Orochimaru cheerfully called over his shoulder, while Naruto sipped on a scalding cup of the snake’s finest tea. Allowing his kid to move into the village had worked miracles in their working relationship. None of Naruto’s other meetings involved so much pampering and while it’d never erase what Orochimaru had done, it went a long way towards Naruto tolerating his presence. “I too question the wisdom of your esteemed colleagues, but a request is a request and we no longer have the liberty to ignore such requests.” In other words, it was an order and Naruto felt the slightest stirring of guilt at the situation. He’d tried to get everyone out of it, he really had, but no wasn’t being taken for an answer.
Orochimaru might’ve been one of the biggest bastards to exist on the planet, but if he and Kabuto were both of the opinion that this was a really bad idea, then Naruto only felt more vindicated in his own judgement. They should not being touching any of the Ōtsutsuki bodies, whether they were a boon to their research or a curse. A clan that had a tendency to eat other clan members was already a bad sign. Boruto had a skull about as thick as reinforced concrete and he would give the exact same opinion as Orochimaru and Kabuto, which said more about everyone else than it did Boruto.
“This is one of the dumbest things that you humans have ever done,” Kurama added out the side of Naruto’s mouth. “Does absolutely no one remember what Kaguya did to Madara?”
“We do,” Kabuto chipped in, with the same approximate amount of cheer as Orochimaru. “Desperation is a powerful force.”
“It’s a force of abject stupidity,” Kurama grumbled and Kabuto chuckled.
“Only two things are infinite,” Orochimari intoned, “the universe and human stupidity and I’m still not entirely sure about the former.”
Naruto swallowed a gulp of tea that made his throat burn and he heard the fox laugh at him from within the seal.
It was common sense. There was always that tiny, niggling, small detail that a dead Ōtsutsuki was not in fact entirely dead, with their tendency to body hop along humans like a persistent flea infestation. It was a really, really bad idea and why no one seemed to understa-
- In that moment, Urashiki’s corpse had decided it had had enough and erupted in spray of golden light.
That bastard!
Well, Naruto wasn’t dead and he’d had enough near death experiences to know as much. Near death pontificating didn’t involve Konoha or irate civilians screaming abuse at him. He was substantially smaller than he remembered. No muscle mass, tiny pudgy arms and in front of an orphanage that Nagato had obliterated decades ago in the guise of Pain. Konoha was only a couple of years after Obito’s attack on the village from the sight of the asshole orphanage caretaker. Naruto was hazy on what exactly was going on when he was this young, but he was pretty sure he remembered a newspaper article years later that covered this guy’s arrest. And execution. But why had that happened again? It was so hazy. Nothing this far back had mattered to him at the time.
“DEMON FREAK!” The elderly man was vehemently snarling and Naruto casually tuned him out. Did he have to be so inconsiderate? It was night and a residential district. Absolutely no one wanted to hear this maniac screeching at the top of his lungs.
Is this real, Kurama?
In Naruto’s mind’s eye, the great fox shifted from side to side. It doesn’t feel like an illusion, but the other Ōtsutsuki have strange powers of their own.
There was a purple vein creeping along the caretaker’s face and his volume increased. Naruto apathetically stepped backwards away from spray of his spit and continued to think.
Wasn’t Urashiki claiming he could travel through time? Naruto frowned and was burdened with the same dread that accompanied him to his desk planner every day. Time travel wasn’t real as far as average ninja went, but the Ōtsutsuki clan didn’t operate on the same rules of chakra as everyone else. Chakra as it existed now didn’t exist until Kaguya broke rank and went native. Chakra was itself an invention of the Ōtsutsuki and was never intended for human hands. But Urashiki wasn’t a human, Naruto observed. The rules weren’t the same for him.
You might be out of luck then, unless you can find one of those pricks to ferry us back to our own timeline, Kurama growled and Naruto blinked thickly at the raving lunatic in front of him that was now advancing on him with a raised hand. If it was anyone else, there’d be doubts, but he was a time traveller of sorts and had about as much aptitude for genjutsu as Sakura’s sock cupboard. Not seeing other viable options here.
Naruto groaned and snapped back to reality when the caretaker’s screams pitched up a notch.
“WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO M-”
-A shock of long white hair entered Naruto’s vision, being led by two booted feet that impacted into the orphanage’s director. His body distorted and rippled before it was flung skywards with a CRASH and a shower of glass.
“Take that you, you child abusing bastard!”
It couldn’t be real. It had to be an illusion. No one had ever stepped in for Naruto that wasn’t ANBU. It hadn’t happened before.
Ain’t that the prettiest thing, Kurama sniggered and Naruto craned his eyes upwards to the mangled mess that was hanging from the highest window of the building. He then craned it downwards to his saviour… and the purple ribbon bow haphazardly tied around the man’s waist...
Another day, another dumbass civilian Kakashi would be pulling off the Fourth’s son and arresting with as much prejudice as the Hokage would allow. At least that’s what him and Cat had assumed. Instead a white haired male practically flew in from around a corner and drop kicked said civilian through the orphanage’s window before they could blink.
CRASH.
Naturally, it was the topmost window and angle on that kick was phenomenal. “Take that, you child abusing, bastard,” he snarled at the twitching… lump of limbs that dangled from a storey and a half above. Not quite what Kakashi had been expecting. Mask of fury? Check. Potential mental instability? Check. Kakashi had never seen him before in his life? Check! There were enough red flags to intervene, but still… No one had defended Naruto before who wasn’t one of his on the job guards. Kakashi’s hand remained on his sword, but found himself pausing as the (ninja… civilian? What was he? Was that a women’s yukata he was wearing?) individual immediately spun to face Naruto.
Tiny Naruto Uzumaki, moments from disaster, stood staring at his saviour. Slack jawed, eyes like saucers and clearly resisting the urge to jump for joy. Kakashi sucked back in a tear of happiness. Not on the job, Kakashi, he scolded himself. It wasn’t the time or the place and it might not have even been the right moment.
“Are you alright, kiddo?” All traces of rage disappeared from his voice. Nondescript. Average in everything apart from height and maybe hair colour, he immediately kneeled to Naruto’s level. “Not hurt anywhere?” Voice wise, he reminded him ever so vaguely of Jiraiya.
“Um,” the boy mumbled and rubbed his stomach.
“Did he hit you?”
Naruto nodded. Kakashi twitched and their man of mystery shot a magnificent death glare off into the direction of his victim.
“Was it just then or before?”
“Before,” boy said in a small voice and Kakashi made a mental note for T&I. “I’m hungry.” Poor kid.
“Right, I can sort that out, because clearly no one else is going to bother,” the mysterious… man sneered authoritatively. “Ichiraku’s ramen. Cheap, filling and friendly to patrons of all shapes and sizes,” and a chill shot down Kakashi’s spine. That had to be deliberate. Was Naruto’s saviour aware of who and what he’d saved and therefore Naruto’s guards? Was this a message to them specifically? “Name’s Mitsuki, by the way. Food’s on me if you want it.” Mitsuki didn’t ring any bells, especially not any bells related to active ninja with this man’s appearance.
None of that stopped Naruto from bouncing into the strange man’s arms, face immediately brightening. “Food!” It was either that or they’d jointly dived at each other in a blinding display of a setting sun that had both of Kakashi’s eyes practically bleeding from the glare. Cat, wedged behind a bin at a right angle, was actively shielding the eyeholes of his mask. With the Sharingan spinning wildly while hunting for illusions, that moment was now Kakashi’s forever.
With that, Naruto and the newly identified Mitsuki strode off in the direction of Ramen Ichiraku’s, with Kakashi’s ANBU team in hot pursuit. Mitsuki was new to Konoha and quite possibly a ninja… but why was there absolutely no killing intent aimed at Naruto in question? Familiarity, maybe even fondness as he ruffled the toddlers hair and waxed poetic about the ramen in question. Hole in the wall ramen he couldn’t have known about unless he was in fact a resident, because it was above the pay grade of all but the most skilled deep cover agents. Only the most dedicated of infiltrators would bother to scope out such a location, especially when Naruto was a fussy eater at the best of times and him agreeing to an unknown meal was nothing short of divine intervention. Certainly, none of them would kill a civilian within full view of the city security, which left Mitsuki even more of a mystery.
The Sandaime remained silent. There was no sign, no signal so they obediently followed Naruto’s newest “friend” with interest as he swaggered down the road. Another team would be assigned to the clean up interim while they shadowed Naruto and his rescuer.
Friend or foe? That was always the question. Answering it was going to be complicated when everyone caught glaring at Naruto was pelted with Mitsuki’s endless bag of paint bombs that little Naruto was eyeing with awe.
It was only after the middle aged man wrapped his arms around Naruto’s far too small body, hoisted him up under one arm and practically strutted off did Naruto’s shock finally fade.
Mitsuki, without any doubt whatsoever was Orochimaru. Orochimaru who in this timeline already had the position of pride at the very top of Konoha’s Bingo Book for the last two or three years (what year was it even?). Orochimaru, in civilian dress (women’s clothes again!), who had waltzed in and brutalised his orphanage caregiver in front of an entire ANBU squad. Orochimaru who had now walked off with Naruto under one arm, while loudly announcing his intentions (or maybe they were actually criticisms). Orochimaru who had sauntered off while leaving a civilian to bleed to death and was now pelting villagers with a staining variety of paint that had Naruto narrowing his eyes. Orochimaru who was using his son’s name. This was Naruto’s Orochimaru and Naruto nearly wept with relief. It wasn’t just him and Kurama in this godawful place.
Your standards have really dropped, kid. Naruto ignored him. At least it’s not the Uchiha, was muttered and Naruto rolled his eyes.
If Naruto and Orochimaru were here, then logically Kabuto had also made the trip. Kabuto, neck deep in every single one of Danzō’s dirtiest secrets, along with Orochimaru who commenced his entry into the timeline by kicking its doors clean off their hinges. Two unhinged maniacs who were only holding it together because of the enforced house arrest and supervision. House arrest and supervision that no longer existed, in a timeline where they were the ones with advance knowledge.
If Naruto listened ever so carefully, he could hear Orochimaru swanning through the burning tapestry that should’ve been their timeline. Clearly, Orochimaru had a plan and Naruto felt Kurama shudder at the thought of all of Orochimaru’s historical plans.
Orochimaru in the past with a plan? What could possibly go wrong?