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He can taste a little bit of blood on the corner of his lips; nothing new, nothing unusual. They’re hard to tame, impossible, actually. Blood hot in their veins, their heads up in the clouds. Their issues, they solve them using their fists.
High school brawls are nothing for Michinaga. If he’s challenged, he’ll jump right into it, especially if he’s interrupted when he’s trying to eat one of his favorite snacks. And with Tooru by his side, he fears nothing.
His friend is groaning now, leaning against the wall. “That’s gonna leave a scar, those bastards…”
They got them good, that’s for sure. Michinaga doesn’t remember the name of the school, but he recognizes the uniform. It’s one of those elite schools, those rich brats that think they can get away as long as they are under the protection of their parents and their money. The two of them, they don’t mind beating some spoiled brats up. Even more so when it’s said spoiled brats that provoke them. For now, he straightens his back and takes a hold of Tooru’s hand.
“Let’s go clean it up.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Next time, he’s not so lucky.
They get him when he’s alone, while he’s on his way home. Whether they had been stalking him or not, Michinaga cannot say. They get him under the bridge near his neighbourhood. 5 of them. A couple of them, Michinaga remembers them. He recognizes them from the faint bruises on their faces, a product of his own fists. There’s a proud smirk blooming on his face now, even if he’s on the ground, the guys beating the crap out of him.
He does try to fight back, but there’s only so much he can do when he keeps getting kicked down whenever he tries to push himself up. He considers biting down on their legs, surely this will give him the chance to at least escape, won’t it?
Pain’s shooting throughout his body, not that he’s a stranger to it. He lies there, lifting arms to his face, still attempting to throw a couple of weak punches. They’re laughing at him, mocking him that he’s not that big of a deal, after all. Michinaga pushes himself, throws arms around someone’s knee. He forces himself to get up, he attacks with his head instead.
A headbutt on the guy’s stomach does the trick. Only for a few seconds, though, because then he’s grabbed by the rest again. And then someone else appears, wearing the same uniform as Michinaga’s opponents.
Maybe his head got a strong blow, maybe he gave himself a nice concussion. Maybe he’s already knocked out and he’s dreaming, because it makes no sense for that new guy to be fighting the others. His moves are sly and fast, calculated. It’s like flashes in front of Michinaga’s eyes. Soon, the pained groans are not coming from his lips, but from the others’. The stranger stands tall in the middle of the chaos, clenching his fists. He’s breathing a little loud, or maybe it’s Michinaga who has just focused on that, forgetting everything else.
Eventually, he realizes he’s free. The guy turns to look at him; a few sweat drops are glistering on his forehead. Dark hair falls into his eyes, and he quickly tucks some of it behind his ear. When he smiles, he reminds Michinaga of a fox, even though he knows that makes no sense.
“Are you ok? Do you need help getting up?”
Pride. Michinaga has a lot of it, therefore he once again orders himself to get up on his own. His knee shakes a little, threatens to give up on him for a moment. “Thanks, I guess.” He says, his voice raspy and definitely not as steady as he wants it to be. “Could have handled it on my own. Aren’t you from the same school?”
Fox-faced guy’s smile seems brighter somehow. “Yeah, but I don’t like them. They always go around doing cowardly stuff like that.”
Michinaga for sure has a headache now. It pierces through his skull like a drill, makes the pain in his knee more annoying as well. He swallows, regrets it immediately because there’s blood in his mouth. “I see.” He says.
“I better get going.” His savior – that Michinaga won’t admit – grins at him. “You seem like you can handle yourself.”
“What’s your name?”
Why is he asking? Michinaga doesn’t know, he’s not planning on seeing him again or sending him a thank-you basket. There’s silence, just the pained grunts from the guys on the ground breaking it momentarily. The stranger gazes over Michinaga with assertive eyes, fascination in his stare. It’s hard to say what about Michinaga looks fascinating right now, he probably looks like hell.
“Ace.”
“Ace?” Michinaga repeats, chokes even. “What kind of name is that?”
A quiet laughter is the response he gets. Ace, if that really is his name, shrugs.
“What about yours?”
Michinaga holds back. He shakes his head. A wrong decision, because now all he wants is someone to give him a strong smack over the head, spare him the splitting headache. “You’re right, I can handle myself.” Something inside him is screaming at him. He’s not sure what the voice wants. Something feels forbidden, like stepping into an unknown, restricted area. Do not get too involved.
He’s the first one to take a step back. He can tell Ace is still standing there, watching him not-limp his way out.
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He spends the following day pretty much sleeping through classes. His headache is gone. His knee still stings a little. He was never one to actively participate in class, so no teachers bother him. The warmth of the sun is peering through the windows and the curtains, and it makes it even easier to just nod off.
He wakes up eventually, when he feels Tooru poking his forehead. “School’s over for today.” His friend tells him, and when Michinaga sits up and stretches, he tosses Michinaga’s bag on the desk. “Come on, I’ll walk you home today.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard.”
“I know.”
The sky is a little cloudy now. There were warnings about rain, but it doesn’t look like it will. Not yet. They slowly make their way through the school yard, Tooru complaining non-stop about that low grade he got on the latest test. He’s a better student that Michinaga, or at least, he studies more than Michinaga ever will.
Michinaga doesn’t bother with studying. He knows he’s not the brightest out there, and he never dreamt of an academic career, either. He’ll probably end up working with his hands somewhere. That’s still a thought for later, when they’re closer to graduation.
“Is that dude waving at you?”
Did Tooru stop whining about the test? They’ve reached the gates, and that dude his friend refers to is none other than Ace. He’s smiling again, just like yesterday. There’s something very phony about this smile, Michinaga decides. Maybe that’s where the whole fox impression is coming from.
Maybe not phony. But it’s not innocent, either.
“Ignore him, let’s go.” He says through gritted teeth. Tooru seems confused, but he tags along anyway. They pass by Ace, act like they don’t know him. Well, Tooru doesn’t. Michinaga clenches his bag tighter. What a creep, waiting for him at school? That gut feeling is too intense inside him. The voice is screaming again.
“Azuma Michinaga.”
He hasn’t yelled, yet somehow his voice is loud enough to reach Michinaga’s ears. He jolts, turns around immediately. Ace is staring at him with that victorious look in his eyes, while Michinaga can feel the blood boiling in his veins, feels rage bubbling in his stomach. “Are you stalking me?” he demands, almost snarls at him. Next to him, Tooru is tensing too, probably getting ready to throw some punches if needed.
Yet all Ace does is laugh, much to Michinaga’s irritation. “You dropped this yesterday.” He says as he slips his fingers inside his pocket. When he pulls his hand out and stretches it out to Michinaga, it all makes sense.
His student ID card.
Crap. So much for trying to keep his anonymity.
Michinaga snatches the card out of Ace’s hand, murmurs a “thanks”. He hopes this is it, the end, he won’t have to be associated with him ever again. Ace’s school is literally on the other side of the area, so why is he hanging out here in the first place?
“We’re going.” He tells Tooru once again. Clueless as he is, his friend only spares one last glance on Ace, fully confused yet judgmental. Michinaga shoves the card into his own pocket. The voice is screaming at him again from inside his chest. Even the sky seems to be getting even darker. A cold breeze follows after them and they speed up. Being the rebels that they are, neither is carrying an umbrella.
Azuma Michinaga. It still echoes in his mind, ringing in his ears.
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They don’t really get sick, getting sick is for children. But sometimes they do.
So when Tooru gets sick and it’s only him, Michinaga doesn’t really know what to do. School is boring by default, but when he’s alone, it’s just unbearable. He skips after a couple of hours, starts wandering around the streets. By now, he knows which places to avoid, where he won’t be chased for ditching school. He considers paying a visit to Tooru, but his friend hasn’t replied to any of his previous messages, which can only mean he’s sleeping the cold off.
Michinaga’s feet and his mind all drift off. He lets his steps carry him wherever, down to streets he hasn’t been at before. He knows he’s leaving their regular spots behind, going on this completely on impulse. He’s a fan of impulsive decisions, maybe because he’s not patient enough to actually make plans. He can’t deal with people who always need to have a plan. Michinaga wakes up in the morning and acts depending on his mood.
Reckless. But who said reckless people can’t enjoy life?
There are two things he realizes in the next couple of minutes: One, he’s made it over to the wealthier part of the area. The buildings, the apartments, the stores, they all look fancier, more or less.
Two, there’s a commotion down the alley on his right. Seems like a brawl between students.
Ok, maybe there’s a third thing he realizes, too. Ace is there, shoved against the wall by two students. Classmates. Brats. Whatever.
Michinaga contemplates his options. He can walk away, pretend he never witnessed this. It doesn’t matter to him, he doesn’t care, whatever the outcome will be. Not his burden, not his responsibility. He’s here to kill some time, not to get his hands dirty. And it’s not like he asked Ace to interfere last time.
On the other hand, he could lend a helping hand. It does seem like it’s the same bastards from before. Perhaps they were waiting for the right moment to get back at him. Michinaga would gladly break an arm or some teeth this time, if he has to. He’s a lost cause, anyway, people expect him to go home with a bruised face or a wounded hand, or anything, really. Strangers are easily fooled by him. He doesn’t look like a threat.
Michinaga grew up hating that fact. But he also learned how to use it to his advantage.
So he drops his bag, runs towards them at full speed. He’s wiser this time, avoids using his head; no, his fists will do just fine. His knee is perfectly fine as well. Punching, kicking, yelling, this is when he feels the most alive, the adrenaline rushing through his system. There are yells from the other guys too, there’s Ace’s back pressed against his. They join forces, and it’s all new because Michinaga’s only partner in fights is Tooru. He doesn’t do well with a big group of friends. He doesn’t need a lot of friends, either. Too many conversations to participate into, too many birthdays to remember, too many things he should be cautious with.
Temporarily, he’s gonna have to put up with Ace.
It’s easy, really, laughable even. They all crumble like pieces of paper. Michinaga would love to stay more and stomp his foot on them, enjoy this image. His triumph. But it looks like Ace is one of those people who always need to work with a plan, because he’s grabbing Michinaga by the elbow and pulling him away from the alley. Michinaga barely has time to grab his bag, and then they’re running already. Where to? He doesn’t know, chases after Ace who turns out to be quite the runner. Only when he reaches an empty park does he stop, pretty much collapses on the nearest bench.
Michinaga plops down next to him. They’re both panting, Michinaga maybe a little heavier. That’s the part he hates. He doesn’t enjoy running, which is potentially another reason why he always jumps into a fight instead of running away from it. Someone who likes analyzing things would be able to give an answer. Michinaga isn’t someone who likes analyzing things.
“That was some fortunate timing you had there…” Ace finally sighs, throwing his head back. Michinaga gives him a pointed look. He doesn’t look beaten up. If anything, he looks much better than Michinaga looked the other day. To be fair, he didn’t necessarily look like he needed the help, either.
Now he feels pretty stupid.
“If you’re ok, I’m leaving.” He announces, getting back on his feet immediately. A sound behind him makes him turn to look over his shoulder.
There’s that witty smile on Ace’s face again. “Thank you, Azuma.” He says. “Or is it Michinaga?”
There’s a shiver down Michinaga’s spine. He can’t determine whether it’s a good or a bad shiver. But it’s an intense shiver.
“I…whatever!”
Ace laughs. “Now we’re even. Thanks for helping me.”
If the roles were reversed, Michinaga would have already made it clear again and again that the help was unnecessary. Right now, he’s not sure how to respond to that.
“Hope this time they learned their lesson for good.”
Ace’s smile is almost blinding now. “I hope so too. Let me treat you to some food? Or a soda? I’m thirsty.”
“What?” Michinaga gapes at him, but Ace is already up on his feet too, and he pats Michinaga’s shoulder with way too much ease, as if they know each other for years. Would it be too much if he punched Ace now? Or maybe just a smack on the head?
Unfortunately, he is also thirsty. Even worse, his stomach betrays him as well, by making those hungry sounds he can’t exactly cover. But is he capable of spending more than 5 minutes in the same room as Ace without wanting to break something?
“My treat.” Ace repeats casually.
Against all odds, Michinaga decides to agree, just this one time.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
When he lands with his back on the floor for the 3rd time, Michinaga has run out of curses. Standing over him, Ace shakes his head.
“You got the strength. You really need to work on the technique, that’s what’s holding you back.”
“Technique my ass! We’re talking street fights, not tournaments!”
Ace shrugs. “If you wanna be better at this, you gotta use your head sometimes. And by head, I mean your brain.”
“Ha ha, you’re so funny.” Michinaga hisses at him. Still, he grabs the hand Ace has stretched out for him, allows himself to be pulled up. They’re…friends. Wait, no, not friends, friends is a very important, very meaningful word. It’s not a bond Michinaga wants to waste on Ace.
They’re on good terms now. They hang out, sometimes. Just the two of them. Sometimes they also train. Like today.
Michinaga hasn’t been able to beat Ace, not even once. He has a feeling it has something to do with said technique, but Ace has been using that word so much that it makes Michinaga wanna grab it and shove it up his-
“Wanna take a break?” Ace suggests. “Or should I continue kicking your butt?”
“Shut up.” Michinaga frowns, can feel the energy flooding through his body again. The heat. Ace raises an eyebrow.
“That attitude isn’t gonna-“
The next moment, he’s tripping and stumbling backwards. Michinaga watches, ignoring the throbbing pain in his skull. This headbutt, he’s never gonna regret.
He points at his head, taps on the side of his forehead. “See, I did use my head.”
Ace shoots him with a murder glare from where he’s dropped on the ground, holding his head. Eventually, one corner of his mouth curls upwards into the hint of a satisfied smile.
“That’s borderline cheating, but I’ll let you have this victory.”
Michinaga can’t help a smile of his own. Today’s shiver feels like a good one.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
He knows a day is weird when Ace is awfully quiet. They’ve been hanging out enough these past couple of weeks, Michinaga knows how to recognize the different patterns in his behavior. An Ace that won’t shut up is an Ace that had a good day. An Ace that puts extra effort into their fighting sessions is an Ace that wants to release some tension, blow off some steam.
An Ace that barely speaks and even lets Michinaga initiate a conversation is an Ace that Michinaga doesn’t know how to deal with.
They’re both lying on the ground, staring up at the tall trees blocking their view of the sky. It’s windy, and it will be dark soon. Michinaga’s pushing some strands of hair that have been sticking to his forehead back. He’s avoided it as much as he can, not good with confrontation that doesn’t involve yelling or beating.
But he’ll take awkward and uncomfortable over serious this time.
“Anything you wanna share?”
He wishes he could use the better phrases. Are you ok, did something happen, can I make you feel better? All of them sound ridiculous in his head and taste horrible on his tongue. Affection…it doesn’t look good on him. He wishes it did, sometimes. Not often.
"If you had one wish, what would you wish for?"
Not exactly what Michinaga expected Ace to ask. He gives it a thought; since he’s always living in the present, the thought hasn’t occurred to him. Wishes have a meaning when they last all the way into the future. Why would someone wish for something in the present that could vanish at any moment? He looks at Ace, the furrowed brow on his face, the eyes gazing up at the trees. Or the sky, depending on how one sees this.
"I don't know.” He says eventually..”Owning a nice house, I guess? I don't wanna have to deal with rent. Or maybe getting a good job that I won't ever get fired from. Or kicking your ass every single time from now on.” Ace cracks something that could be called a smile at that. “What would you ask?"
Suddenly, the eyes are on him. There’s a shiver, a familiar one. Michinaga wishes he could blame it on the wind, but he knows which shiver means he’s cold and which means he’s being lured in by Ace. If only he could figure out what it is he’s being lured into.
Perhaps he knows. He doesn’t let people in. Tooru, that’s someone precious in Michinaga’s life. But with Tooru it’s easy and effortless and light. This guy here…it’s all that Michinaga hates, and yet he’s unable to pull back.
"I'd ask that you don't run away from me once I tell you how much I want to kiss you." Ace replies.
For two seconds, two whole seconds, Michinaga’s brain registers this as a joke. It sounds like a joke Ace would make. Then the two seconds are over, and the look in Ace’s eyes tells Michinaga it’s not a joke.
Michinaga doesn’t exactly trust a face that looks so much like a sly fox. But he trusts this look, somehow.
The shivers, damn, not just a shiver, plenty of them. He has to concede. Is that what it's been the whole time?
Yet why would he ever allow Ace to have the upper hand here?
He takes a gamble with those shivers, closes the gap between them, touches Ace’s face. And then he’s kissing him.
It always feels like Ace is one step ahead, like he can predict most of what Michinaga will say or do. This time, it feels like a shock. For two seconds, Ace must also think Michinaga is joking, because he keeps lying there, stunned and stiff.
Fortunately, those seconds are quickly gone. There’s a hand on Michinaga’s cheekbone, fingers caressing his hair. Body moving until he’s pressed against Michinaga tightly. The shivers never lied. He needs this, they both do, yearn for it, seek it frantically. Ace shouldn’t need a wish for something like that, because Michinaga clearly can’t run away from him, no matter how much he tries.
And oh, if only the world could end right here, right now…
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They don’t give it a name. Apparently, they both hate giving it name, because giving it name will put it in boxes and forms and shapes and it will have to be part of the world and society. Michinaga doesn’t even tell Tooru, though at this point he won’t be surprised if Tooru knows. He’s still the one Michinaga spends almost all his time with, he’d never ditch his best friend to give Ace more time and privileges.
Still, when he’s with Ace, it’s like poison, a velvet curtain being pulled in front of him so that he doesn’t see or feel anything else. If he’s ever asked, he’s not sure how much time has passed.
On the day of graduation, Ace shows up at the school gates. He hasn’t done this since that very first time where he gave Michinaga his student card. Michinaga can only assume he’s here to cause trouble again. Or cause him some extra stress. Ace has the tendency to be very public with situations Michinaga wants to keep very private.
At least this time, he seems to have the decency to listen to Michinaga telling him to go somewhere more private. The school rooftop isn’t his ideal place, but it is empty of people, so he’ll go with the flow.
Ace is smiling when he rips the second button of his uniform, but Michinaga’s whole face feels like stone watching that. The button is small but shiny on Ace’s palm as he extends his hand towards Michinaga. The meaning behind this is kinda scaring him. Still not naming it, but now they both know it means something, there’s solid proof that it is something.
He tries to shrug it off as something trivial. "Pretty pointless confession, isn't it? I already know you like me."
Better to say it like that, all the weight of their emotions is heavy on Ace instead. No liability on his part. Ace takes one step towards him, reaches out with his free hand to take Michinaga’s. Michinaga’s fingers twitch. He doesn’t want them to, but it’s impossible not to. Being around Ace, he’s always acting like there’s a spell on him.
A curse, probably.
“I want you to take it.” Ace says quietly, and when he places the button in Michinaga’s hand, Michinaga doesn’t throw it back at him. He stares at it for a long moment, before his fingers close around it protectively. “Something to remember me by.”
Michinaga rolls his eyes. “What’s with that tone, are you dying?”
Ace shakes his head. “I’m…leaving.”
Oh.
Michinaga isn’t sure what makes his chest ache more. He clenches the button in his hand, digs his nails into his skin. “You’re leaving?”
“There’s some things that need to be taken care of.” Ace continues. What things? Who needs to take care of them? “I’ll be leaving soon, so I wanted you to have this.”
That weirdness on the night of their first kiss, it never went away since then. It kinda keeps floating around him, like a creepy aura. Michinaga got used to it, but in the back of his head, he was kind waiting for the explosion. Maybe this is it. Maybe he’s known about it since then. That he’d have to leave.
Leave him.
Just once, Michinaga wants to break his own walls and be affectionate. Be desperate, yell, beg. Just once, he wants to see if it would surprise Ace. If he wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him, and begged him to stay, would Ace be surprised?
Doesn’t matter. Will never matter, because all he does is swallow the sour taste in his mouth and nod.
“Fine. Until we meet again, then, Ace.”
He hates how Ace doesn’t even look certain that they’ll meet again. Michinaga will be the stupid one again. There’s nothing wrong with thinking that they’ll meet again.
This is how it feels to be heartbroken, huh. He can have his cruel urges, but he wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Especially when Ace only leans in to give him a kiss on the corner of his mouth, before he leaves him alone.
Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. A year. Two years.
Michinaga loses count after a while. It all feels like a dream, a memory from another lifetime.
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He keeps screaming Tooru’s name from the top of his lungs. It doesn’t change anything. His friend glitches and shatters into pieces, like an old computer screen. Like their favorite video game characters when they lose, and those ugly “GAME OVER” letters take over.
He keeps screaming; panic, horror, nausea, everything swallows him at once and he can’t see clearly. Desire Grand Prix? What is this, he has no idea, never heard of it before. Tooru had been disappearing abruptly these past couple of weeks, but Michinaga never asked him about it.
The guys laughing at him, coming at him…they also look like video game characters. Michinaga is still sinking in terror, panic is still smothering him. Tooru can’t be gone like this, because people do not disappear like this. He needs someone to tell him what is really happening-
When they try to get him, they’re stopped by someone else. Later, Michinaga will wonder about him, when he lies alone in bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. His whole body is shaking, voices screaming in his head. That helmet, it reminds him of a fox, maybe it is. He kept roaming the streets, going to all their favorite places. Tooru has just…disappeared.
Like he never existed. People don’t even wonder where he is.
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Desire Grand Prix. Kamen Riders.
Way too many people have gathered here. Michinaga stands somewhere in the back as their navigator (what was her name again?) explains the rules. Michinaga tries to take a good look at the other players. He gives up almost immediately; there’s too many of them, and he’s more interested in the rules, anyway.
Whatever this fucked up game is, they are promising them the world of their dreams if they are victorious. Michinaga clenches his fists. His mouth is slowly going dry. Kamen Riders.
The power to defeat them all. That’s what he wants. A world where he has the power to rip them to pieces, watch them fall apart like Tooru did. Even if he has to get blood on his hands, he’ll do it. No matter who tries to stand in his way.
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The fox. Kamen Rider Geats. That’s what they called him.
Michinaga hasn’t forgotten about him. There hasn’t been a single day where he doesn’t think back to that grim night. That guy, he let Tooru die. He stepped in to save Michinaga. But why should that mean something? Why should that make him different than the others?
Kamen Rider Geats keeps winning. He heard that earlier too, because the other players love to gossip. Now Michinaga has caught him alone, beating the Jamato.
He keeps watching him, hiding behind the trees. He can catch him off guard now. It’s forbidden to attack a fellow rider, but Michinaga wants nothing more than to get his hands on him, to beat the truth out of him. Coward.
He halts when the guy removes his buckle and releases an exhausted sigh. The mask dissolves immediately, just like the rest of the suit. The fox is gone but it’s still there. Michinaga’s knees go weak on him and he has to hold onto the trees for support. He hasn’t felt that shiver in so long…that particular shiver that only came when Ace was around.
The fox is back. Kamen Rider Geats. The one who saved him.
The one who watched as Michinaga crumbled into the dark depths of hell as his friend left this world.
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His body still remembers, Michinaga realizes. A painful realization, really. It still remembers how it feels to be fighting Ace.
Ukiyo Ace. He finally has a full name now. Not that it matters.
He slams Ace against the wall, and Ace doesn’t even try to defend himself. “Bastard.” Michinaga hisses. Ace almost looks sad.
“What you saw-“
“You let him die. You did nothing!”
“Mi-“
“Why did you save me? Out of guilt? Did you get brownie points for saving a civilian? I bet you did, didn’t you?”
Ace stares back at him, and it hurts. “Why do you think?”
Michinaga snorts; no, he doesn’t even wanna go there, doesn’t want to think of that possibility, because it makes zero sense after all this time. “This is why you left, isn’t it? You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you the truth.”
Screw the rules. Michinaga lands a punch straight on Ace’s face, shoves him to the ground. His fist is burning, itching to do more. To punch more, to tear his flesh and bones.
“You’re dead to me, Geats.” He almost spits the words at him. Ace brings his hand to his mouth, his thumb brushing over some blood. “I’ll be coming for you first.”
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Losing and regaining memories is no fun.
Michinaga hates it, mainly because it leaves him in crippling fear, wondering what happened to Tooru, how he can find him again. Every time he comes back into the DGP, his rage becomes stronger. Every time he comes back, it ignites his thirst for revenge again and again.
Now he stares at the T-shirt in his hands, the autograph of Ukiyo Ace. Star of the Stars of the Stars. What a hypocrite. The world is his, this world and maybe the next one, too. Regaining his memories just as Ace was signing the corner of his T-shirt was a risky thing. If they had been alone, Michinaga would have made sure to break some teeth. Or fingers. Or a nose. Surely the star will shine less if he looks like crap.
There’s distance between them nowadays. They both have their goals, their dreams, their ideal worlds. Ukiyo Ace is a mystery, not the Ace from their highschool years. It’s hard to believe they are one and the same. Maybe they aren’t, maybe Ace asked for a world where he’s someone else. This phony celebrity that keeps getting on Michinaga’s nerves.
He tosses the T-shirt on the floor, kicks it under the bed. It doesn’t matter. Ukiyo Ace is Kamen Rider Geats. And Kamen Rider Geats is the one Michinaga has to beat.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
He dies in the arms of a man who doesn’t even remember him. Ukiyo Ace the star, no memories of being a Rider, no memories of the horrible things he caused. Michinaga has to shove his belt to his face, make him touch his broken ID core. If he’s dying, he won’t die without giving Ace all the memories that haunt him. He won’t go without Ace being reminded of his crimes.
Still, a part of him wants to believe in Ace’s words and everything he supposedly stands for right now. So maybe another reason why he wants him to remember is so that he can continue fighting for whatever it is he’s fighting for.
And then Michinaga isn’t dead. He’s stuck, not dead, but not alive as he was until now, either. He finds himself where Jamato thrive, finds himself becoming a part of them. He tries to run away after he realizes what this world is all about. Heads out to the streets again.
Not so surprisingly, Ace finds him. Very surprisingly, Michinaga doesn’t have the energy to beat him to the ground. His heart flutters when Ace smirks at him, when he tells him to come back, that they’ll fix his core. That he’s happy to see him, that he’s happy that Michinaga survived.
Michinaga knows he has to draw the line. So he refuses the help, announces once again that he’s here to destroy them all.
After that, his feet take him to his own place. He’s still holding onto the small plastic bag with the snacks Ace brought him, the taste of them still in his mouth. He enters with the spare key he’s hidden. It’s dark and cold and it smells of dust. Kinda matches Michinaga’s current state, too.
He leaves the bag on the kitchen table, makes his way into his bedroom instead. He could use some sleep, but he doesn’t feel sleepy. Tired maybe, but not sleepy. He runs his fingers through his stuff, some boxes, the furniture, the bed. His drawers. Inside a box, he finds some photos of him and Tooru. Still students, still happy, still laughing. Naïve in their ignorance. It makes him smile until it hurts, memories that he buried in the back of his head for the sake of his own sanity. He doesn’t think of happy Tooru anymore. All he remembers of him is the pain on his face before he disappeared in Michinaga’s arms. All he wants to remember is this, his fuel to keep him going. He grabs the box and throws it on the floor with a hiss, throws the photos on the wall, too.
In the middle of the mess, he finds a button. When he picks it up from the floor, it’s like he’s touching his ID core, like he’s swept violently off his feet by memories. They flood his brain and his heart, but do they really? Hadn’t he sealed them in there all along? Ace’s uniform button. For a few minutes that day, that button had meant everything to Michinaga. In the months that followed, that button was his hell, a pathetic attempt to cling onto something while he tried to fool himself that he’d meet Ace again.
He slips the button into his pocket, and storms outside his apartment.
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“That’s not from our school. Where did you get it?”
Jamato-Tooru looks just like the real Tooru. Maybe. This one smiles a lot and Michinaga only remembers the wounded Tooru. He realizes he never told Tooru about the button. Telling people would only make it even more real, and it would hurt a greater deal than it already did. He hid it, along with all his memories of Ace, all their moments.
He changed his clothes, switched sides, will soon change himself completely, too. When he looks at himself, he sees vines instead of veins, moss instead of skin. Maybe he’s not too far gone physically. Mentally though, he is.
Emotionally…he won’t even go there.
He runs his thumb over Ace’s button once more. “It’s no big deal.” He says, hiding the button in his jacket again. The real Tooru doesn’t know, and Michinaga has zero intentions of telling this Tooru about how much it hurts him inside. So much that he’s actually gone numb. He has to keep fighting, because that’s all he knows now, all that matters, all that he has left. He’s going down no matter what angle he sees it from, so he has to at least go down fighting. If he manages to get his wish fulfilled, then he doesn’t mind going down. He doesn’t mind turning into this monster.
He’s been feeling more like a monster and less like a human lately, after all.
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Ukiyo Ace is full of surprises, but is it really his fault? A part of Michinaga thinks that he should have seen this coming, because Ukiyo Ace always has a plan. Plan A, B, C, the list goes on. Even when he couldn’t remember a single thing, Ukiyo Ace had a plan.
Michinaga picks himself up from where he was thrown. This new form of Geats is driving him insane already, because he can’t exactly comprehend the rules and the physics behind it. He can only guess it’s Ace messing up with worlds and timelines again. Again and again and again.
Michinaga is tired. Tired of hating, tired of pretending, tired of fighting. Fake Tooru calls out to him for help, and he knows it’s over. He let himself get manipulated in hopes of finding some comfort, but all he found was hurt and misery. He was willing to let himself be used if it meant beating Geats, but Geats is as stubborn about winning as Michinaga is about not dying.
He abandons fake Tooru to his cruel fate, switches back to his human form. Well, as long as he’s still human at least. He wants nothing more than to walk away, bury himself in the soil, sleep forever and wake up in a world where Geats is only a memory. A world where this gut-wrenching voice isn’t calling out to him. “Azuma!” In another lifetime, he would love this, would brag about this nonstop, how he made Ace run after him, call his name again and again, just to have a chance to spend 5 minutes with him.
Now it only makes him bitter and sick.
Yet he still slows down, and eventually stops and turns to face Ace. He’s looking normal again, aside from some blood on his face.
Michinaga throws his arms in the air. “You took them all out. Why did you leave me?”
Ace gives him that stare again. Disbelief, disappointment. Hurt. Yearn. No, not that. “You keep asking that question.” He says hoarsely. “I told you to use your brain, I know you know the answer.”
Ages ago, yeah.
Michinaga braces himself. “I don’t know who -or what- you are anymore, Geats. You keep twisting everything and I don’t wanna be part of this anymore.”
Ace grabs him by the wrist. “One day, I want to tell you.”
“But you won’t. Because you never tell me anything. You never told me anything, you’ll never tell me anything.” Weird, how he’s laughing. What a toxic sound it is, his own laughter. Michinaga never thought he’d sound like that. It must be scaring Ace too, because he withdraws his hand slowly. “And I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna know what higher holy goal of yours killed Tooru and I don’t wanna know why you’ve made yourself the center of the universe.”
“One day, Azuma. One day.”
“We’re done, Geats.”
How many times has he said that? To himself, to Ace, to everyone else. Does he believe it? He has to believe it, because if he can’t believe it, he’ll never be able to beat him. He has to cut all connections, all bonds, every single thing. Small or big.
He reaches inside his pocket, takes the button out. He stretches his arm out towards Ace, the button still shining under the foggy sky somehow. Surprise. There’s surprise on Ace’s face. Huh. Michinaga did something unpredictable, didn’t he?
“I wanted you to give me yours too, that day.” Ace whispers. Michinaga wants to laugh again, but he sounds awful, so he holds that urge back. “I knew you never would, but I still hoped.”
“Well, you can have yours back. Fits you much better, the only one you care about is yourself.”
“Everyone is selfish here. We all want something we can’t have otherwise.”
Michinaga frets. “It’s your fault I’m here in the first place.”
Ace reaches for him again. Michinaga pushes the button against his chest, until Ace has no choice but to take it. They stare at each other without words, but what words would matter, anyway? One is fury, the other is deceit. Clashing constantly, until someone wins for good. And the winner will literally take all, while the loser…
“I would make that wish again now if I could.” Ace says, his voice barely audible. There’s only one wish of his that Michinaga got to hear. One wish he hasn’t forgotten.
I'd ask that you don't run away from me once I tell you how much I want to kiss you.
He has to cut all ties with him. For Tooru. For himself. Soon, he will cease to exist as a human being. He doesn’t need the attachments.
Still, he holds Ace by the lapels of his coat and pulls him. And this time, there is no shock from Ace’s side; he cups Michinaga’s face immediately, kisses him like the world is ending around them. So dramatic. The world ends around them on a weekly basis nowadays, there’s nothing devastating about it.
Again, his body still remembers. Despite all the changes, all the battles, all the hate, it still remembers. The warmth, the comfort, the longing. Ace’s hand finds Michinaga’s, fingers trailing down the ugly vines. Michinaga twitches, but Ace keeps him in place, holds him even closer if that is even possible. The world could end right here and now again and they probably wouldn’t give it a second thought. Their desires, their wishes, they’re all fucked up and twisted like they are.
However, they’re not foolish teenagers anymore. And so Michinaga gathers all his strength and breaks free, takes a step back. “No Grand Prix can ever grant you this wish again, Geats.” He says, and his voice is low, harsh. “I’ll make sure of that.”
Ace looks broken to hear that. But also, not really surprised. Inside, Michinaga is broken, too.
Gluing his pieces back together is something he’ll do on his own, though.
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