Chapter Text
Alec hears the by-now familiar sound of someone rummaging around in their shoulder bag to find their keys. He braces himself on the edge of the kitchen sink, breathing through his rising panic. He should be happy that this evening came together perfectly, but instead, he goes through his chores, ticking off the list in his mind one more time, just to make sure he didn't forget anything. He exhales raggedly when the key slides into the lock. He did everything Sebastian asked of him. And the table is set, dinner nearly ready to be served. He has no reason to fear his boyfriend returning from work, and yet.
He turns to welcome him with a smile he isn't fully feeling. But he doesn't know his boyfriend's mood yet so he plays it safe.
"Hello, honey," he greets through the heart in his mouth. Sebastian only returns an annoyed look and shrugs out of his jacket.
"I made lasagna," Alec tries to heighten his spirits. It's Sebastian's favourite. Alec worked for a good hour on it despite feeling tired and, frankly, a little sick. But it's their first anniversary. It's been one year since Sebastian found Alec going through the trash of the deli next to where he worked and offered Alec the sandwich he had prepared for his lunch break.
"I know what it means to go days without food," Sebastian had explained. And that night, when Alec was still in the same back alley, sheltering as well as possible from the pouring rain, Sebastian had brought him here, to his home, had taken care of the wound on his arm Alec received from a man in the shelter, had kissed him so sweetly, Alec nearly cried.
It's a good memory, all in all. In hindsight, perhaps he shouldn't have slept with him the first night. But he was so grateful, and he had nothing else to offer than his body. Besides, Sebastian wanted him. Him! After his family had called him an abomination and chased him off the yard.
Sebastian didn't care about his breasts or protruding ribs after months of living on the streets and in the occasional shelter. He loved every inch of Alec's body and made him feel so good. Alec returned the favour just too willingly. How likely was it to meet a stunning man like Sebastian, one who wanted him?
No one has ever understood him as well as Sebastian. It figures. Sebastian hasn't only nourished him with food but with affection and human contact, too. He can be tender and understanding. And he's so incredibly handsome, his English accent a dream. He has a good job, and appreciates him for taking care of their now shared home. A shelterless, formerly unemployed failure of a man like him finding someone like Sebastian, not just a place but a person to call home? It's a fairytale come true. Or it used to be, still is sometimes.
Sebastian was kind and understanding when Alec didn't want to fully undress in front of him at first. He seemed to love everything about Alec, made him smile for the very first time in a year. It's not Sebastian's fault that Alec always messes up, making his boyfriend angry. Alec is simply hard to be with, is all.
Some people might say Alec shouldn't have stayed after their first fallout when Sebastian's hand 'slipped'. But he was so apologetic after, and Alec could only blame himself for it, anyway. He shouldn't have pushed so much, should have been more grateful. Sebastian did everything for him to get back on his feet again, organised a job as a busboy at a local restaurant and bought T for him on the black market. He even talked about marriage to get him health care. Who knows? Maybe Sebastian has a proposal planned for tonight, his grumpiness only the result of an annoying client shortly before closing time. He'll surely mellow when he sees what is waiting for him.
Sebastian's eyes fall on the table, set as usual but with nice paper napkins, two candles, and flowers in a makeshift vase. He frowns at the setup before the creases on his face even out.
"You thought of our anniversary," he says. "And that without me reminding you."
Alec's fingers curl around the edge of the worktop, his cheeks twitching with the effort to keep the smile on his face.
Sebastian's lips curl into a smirk, and he walks around the cabinet separating the entrance from the kitchenette. He pats Alec's cheek only slightly condescendingly, then pulls him into a lingering kiss.
Alec's head is swimming. He can't remember when Sebastian last kissed him. Maybe the last time they made love. If one wants to call it that. His boyfriend was drunk – again – and, if Alec is absolutely honest, he just let him take him to have his peace. It was easier than saying no. Safer too.
He hates when Sebastian is drunk. He's neither kind nor tender when under the influence. It's why Alec didn't spend any money from his last paycheck on wine for tonight's dinner, just nicked a small amount at work to prepare the lasagna. He made Sebastian's favourite iced tea, though. Maryse's recipe. But Alec doesn't want to think of his mother tonight. Sebastian is his family now.
"There's garlic bread, too," Alec says when he pulls back from the kiss.
"Homemade?" Sebastian asks.
Alec swallows hard, the nice tingling on his lips fading away.
"No. Store-bought," he croaks.
Sebastian clicks his tongue. Alec should have known, but it was in his budget, and he knew the lasagna would take a while to prepare. There was only so much time left after cleaning the apartment, doing the laundry, and the shift he had before he shopped for groceries. He didn't think it would make that much of a difference, but Sebastian's disappointed sigh speaks volumes.
"I bought your favourite salad dressing," Alec tries to make up for his faux pas.
"Dessert too?" Sebastian asks. Alec looks down at his feet, shame rising hotly into his cheeks. If his boyfriend didn't like the store-bought garlic bread, he for sure won't like the tiramisu waiting in the fridge. Alec was so happy to have found it in the reduced section…
"Yeah," he croaks. "I didn't have enough time to prepare it myself. Sorry."
Sebastian purses his lips. "How long till it's ready? I'm starving."
"Ten more minutes," Alec replies, about to offer to eat the salad first when Sebastian says, "Okay," and walks to the sofa, puts his feet up, and switches on the television set.
Alec exhales slowly, but his body refuses to relax fully, even with the distance between them.
Grey's Anatomy flickers over the screen, giving Alec a short reprieve. He uses it to light the candles and fiddle with the flowers. Sebastian will probably not like them either. But maybe he'll be a bit more gracious later on when he has eaten. He can be a bit grumpy when he's hungry. Alec knows it's best to give him some space and not get on his nerves when he's in a mood.
When the egg timer goes off, Alec breathes a sigh of relief. He burns his hand on the hot oven door but manages not to pull Sebastian's attention to him. He'd only roll his eyes at him and say something mean. Alec is a klutz. He knows that. Always so jumpy and clumsy. Sebastian deserves better than him. Alec knows that too.
He puts the food on the table, pours the iced tea, and pulls the chair out for his boyfriend.
"Dinner is served," he says with a smile. Sebastian groans.
"About time," he says and drags himself to the dining table. He puts the paper napkin to the side. "What a waste of money," he murmurs.
Alec nods. He couldn't resist when he saw them in the store. They have doodled archers and hearts printed on them. Probably leftovers from Valentine's Day. But that's not why Alec bought them. He loved to do archery as a boy. Sebastian knows that, laughed into his face when Alec commented on just another unrealistic scene in a movie. Alec hasn't talked about it for a while now. Maybe Sebastian has forgotten. And he's right. Alec could have spent the money on something else, better flowers for instance. Too late for that now.
Alec mumbles an apology and serves Sebastian first, a generous piece, and another for himself, slightly bigger. Sebastian swaps their plates. Alec looks at him questioningly. His boyfriend chuckles.
"I know you will eat half the garlic bread and barely any salad. Look at your pouch. That will be enough, trust me."
Alec looks down at himself. Yes, he's gotten a bit rounder, but enough to cut calories? On their anniversary at that? It took him months to return to a normal weight after moving in with Sebastian. He's always encouraged him to eat. Did he really become so fat that Sebastian needed to make a one-eighty?
The first forkful of lasagna tastes like ashes in his mouth. But it gets better when he sees that Sebastian seems to enjoy his. He hums around it happily, stuffs his mouth with more, and watches his show over Alec's shoulder. At least, he's sitting with him at the dining table for once. Usually, Sebastian eats in front of the TV. But that's only understandable. He's on his feet all day and deserves to relax at night.
Alec reaches out for his hand, hoping to get some of his attention. Sebastian allows it, even graces him with a small smile. It's enough to send a few butterflies through Alec's stomach.
He refrains from eating the garlic bread and chews his lasagna slowly so as not to eat more than one piece. Just 365 days ago, he was starving. He can exercise a bit of restraint to be more attractive. Maybe then, Sebastian will look at him again, will truly make love with him again. Maybe then, he will kiss him as he did on their first night. With Sebastian smiling at him, even if only for a moment, everything seems possible.