Chapter Text
“So how’s my girl doing these days?” Amanda asked, taking a bite of her burger.
Ever since Jesse came home at the end of summer, it had felt like Marlene was dodging Amanda and her whole family. Amanda knew from what she’d heard from Sonny and Liv that Marley was going through a really difficult time; then there was that call from Rafael a few months ago, asking about gynecologists for teenage girls. She’d managed to piece together that Marley was being evaluated because of concerns of PMDD, which Amanda had struggled with herself. Additionally, Liv told her that Marley found a letter written by her birth mother, confiding that Marlene’s birth father was a much older man than her mom, and Marley was struggling with it all. Amanda had reached out a couple of times, but after her second invitation to get together wasn’t answered, she decided to just send kind messages of love at random times. So every few days, she tried to send Marley a text that just let the girl know she was loved and cared about.
Sonny was chewing his burger and nodding, and she knew he was preparing to answer her question. “Better, ‘Manda…much better. The doctor you referred us to has diagnosed her with PMDD. She’s been fantastic–trying to educate all of us with articles and stuff. She’s got Marley on supplements and has stressed better eating, and she’s got her swimming a few days a week. She just diagnosed her a couple weeks ago and called us in to talk about her diagnosis, and also to see if we’d be okay with her starting birth control pills to help with the hormone regulation. I really appreciated that, you know? I mean, I know she could’ve just talked with Marlene, but I felt that involving all three of us really helped to bring us closer, and it allowed me and Rafi to really let Marley know that we support her a hundred percent, you know?” Taking a sip of his beer, he continued. “We decided, even though she’s young, to give her a small pack of condoms. That way, she’s prepared when the time comes…and if it doesn’t come for awhile, that’s great too.”
Amanda choked on her water. “You gave her condoms? Are you trying to ensure she never speaks to you again?”
He snorted. “Of course. That’s my goal–to suck at parenting as much as I suck at everything else these days.” Dropping the rest of his burger to the plate, he pushed it away, no longer hungry.
“Hey, hey!” Amanda reached over and rested a hand on his wrist. “You don’t suck at anything. Where’d that come from?”
Sonny shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. It’s just work…you’re right to be leaving. I wish I could…but what am I gonna do? Somebody’s gotta work–it’s not like we can live off a part time professor’s salary alone.”
“I thought Rafael said–”
“It doesn’t matter,” Sonny repeated, effectively ending the conversation. He took another sip of beer. “I need to get going. It’s good to see you, ‘Manda.” He slid out of the booth and stood, and she watched him tuck his wallet back in his pocket before leaving.
She’d watched him–one of her best friends–decline over the last year. He was no longer the “sunny” man they all knew. It had been months since she and Sonny had taken the opportunity to sit down and chat as friends, and that had impacted relationships with their mutual children as well as with their colleagues. In fact, as she thought about it, she realized that Sonny hadn’t seen her daughter Jesse since August, when she came home, other than briefly at a Christmas party…and it was now April.
Flagging the waitress, she pulled out her card to pay and to ask for a box for leftovers. Hopefully, their next dinner wouldn’t take so long to happen, nor end the same way.
*****
“I need better from you, Mr. Carisi.” Ms. Maxwell’s tone wasn’t sharp; it was just disappointed, and Sonny bit the inside of his cheek to keep from losing his cool.
He’d put massive hours into the case he’d just lost; sixteen hours a day was a conservative estimate regarding his current workload, yet he was failing. It wasn’t like he was new to the ADA’s office at this point–he understood the expectations and the job. But in the past year, it seemed that no matter what he did, he just couldn’t bring in the wins that he used to. Granted, the city had cut funding to the office, which had resulted in not only a pay cut for nearly everyone, but they’d also lost positions. He no longer had daily access to a paralegal, and the thought of having his own secretary was laughable. His calls, along with five other ADA’s, were routed to one secretary who managed their entire floor. Additionally, they had two paralegals to assist all six of them three days a week; if he wanted a paralegal’s time, he had to sign up in advance to book it. At the rate his cases moved, Sonny found it easier to just do the majority of his research on his own most of the time. In the end, though, it impaired his legal arguments and caused him to appear less prepared.
He’d tried to discuss his concerns with Ms. Maxwell on a number of occasions. While she was sympathetic , she made it clear that she had no ability to control or change the circumstances they were under. She suggested he consider changing the way he worked so that he could take advantage of the paralegals more effectively. But if he was honest, he hadn’t been able to get out of his own head enough to figure out how to do that.
He nodded at her now, feeling as though he’d just been scolded by the principal. “I know you do,” he told her, “and I’m doing my best to give it to you. I don’t want to see these perps walk either.”
Sonny heard her sigh softly as she flipped through a stack of papers in her hand. “You have the Marx case coming up next week,” she said, checking her desk calendar. “Have you met with the attorney about a plea?”
Clayton Marx was a twenty-eight year old man who had been accused of severely beating his four-year old son. He presented as a soft-spoken, well-dressed professional who worked with computers, and despite extensive interrogation, he had never offered any explanation as to why he had beaten his son. All that SVU had been able to pull out of him was that Clayton and the boy were at home alone, and the boy had defied him. When his wife got home, she found the child with several bruises, bite marks, and a concussion; she had immediately taken him to the closest emergency room. Marx’s wife had told SVU that her husband had never hit the child before, and social services reported that the boy asked several times a day when he could go home. He didn’t appear to be afraid of his father, either. Prior to the incident, the child appeared to be a well-adjusted, happy boy. The entire case was a puzzle that they’d hoped could be resolved quickly with a plea deal.
“I’ve asked about a plea,” Sonny replied. “His lawyer took a few days to respond, but they are supposed to be here on Friday to discuss it.”
She folded her hands, resting her chin on them, watching him for a moment. “I’d like to sit in on that meeting, if I may,” she stated, and Sonny knew this was anything other than a request for permission. “Hopefully, together, we can get Mr. Marx to see reason.
Nodding again, Sonny replied, “Yes ma’am.”
“All right, Mr. Carisi. That’s all for now.” Awkwardly, Sonny stood and headed to her office door, feeling her eyes on him the entire way. Stepping out, he closed the door behind him, and hurried to the elevator. The one thing he wanted most was to be in the safety of his own office, where he could breathe again.
*****
It was the third night in a week that he’d missed dinner by hours, and Sonny felt like giving up. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get home in time to eat with his family; in fact, he rarely got home in time to kiss Mimi goodnight, it seemed. Rafael kept telling him it would ease up, but he had no idea when. It wasn’t like he was new to the DA’s office–he’d been there now for almost nine years. Maybe he should give up, he thought, digging into his sausage and rigatoni. He’d stopped at the diner for dinner again, the one just a block from their new place. They had decent specials, and stayed up until midnight, so he’d been making himself comfortable more and more there.
“Hey, Mr. Carisi,” his server, Shanice, greeted him. “Anything else I can bring to you tonight?”
He glanced up into her pretty face. Shanice was young–in college, from what she’d told him–and incredibly sweet to any of them whenever they came into the diner. She really loved to fuss over Mimi, but she’d been particularly friendly to him since the first time he’d come into the diner. Rafael liked to tease him about it, telling him she was flirting with him, but Sonny just rolled his eyes and told his husband he needed to get out more.
“I think I’m good tonight,” he told her. “How’d your exam go the other night?”
She laughed. “Okay, I guess. I passed, and I learned a long time ago that when it comes to French, I need to be grateful for whatever I can get!”
He chuckled. “I remember feeling that way. I took Italian, and thought it would be a breeze because I’m Italian. Little did I know that I’d actually have to work for it.”
They both laughed at that. “Now I’ve just got to master this algebra class, and then the two hardest ones will be done,” she told him. “I almost think I’m more gifted at French than algebra!”
“My daughter is taking algebra now–she’s incredibly bright–but I know she’s struggling with it too, and it’s not my husband’s strength, either. When I have time to sit down with her, I can explain it to her, but with my work hours…” He sighed and shook his head. “We’ve had to hire a tutor for her.”
Shanice smiled. “It’s good that you all can offer that to her.” She pulled out his bill and lay it down on the table. “Take your time, okay?”
He nodded, watching her walk across the restaurant. She was petite, and something about her was attractive to him. She was a bit on the curvier side than the women he’d dated in the past, but there was something about her softness that was immensely appealing, and for just a moment he wondered what it would feel like–
You really are working too much, he told himself, reaching into his wallet and pulling out his credit card. He had a husband and two daughters at home just a block away, and here he was, fantasizing about sex with a college girl.
Grabbing the bill, he went to the register and handed both the bill and his card to her, and she rang him up quickly. “You have access to a tutor for algebra?” he asked her, and she smiled again but shook her head.
“There are some at school, but with my schedule, it seems like the math lab is never open when I have time,” she explained. “It’s okay, though. I’m smart. I’ll figure it out.”
Signing the bill, he told her, “Bring your books next time you work. If I have a minute, I’ll go over some of it with you.”
Her face burst into a brilliant smile. “Thank you so much, Mr. Carisi! I’ll be sure to remember!”
He smiled back. “Call me Sonny. If I don’t see you tomorrow, I’ll see you on Monday.”
She nodded. “Sonny. Yes! Thanks! Thank you!”
Tucking his card back into his wallet, he headed out onto the Manhattan street, down a block, then up to the seventh floor.
*****
Quietly, he made his way into the ensuite to shower.
Rafael was already in bed, snoring lightly, and when he’d checked on each of the girls, they were also soundly asleep. There was something peaceful and relaxing about coming home to a dark and quiet house, but there was also something lonely about it. While their days ended at reasonable hours–he knew Rafael was in bed by eleven these days–his days rarely ended before one a.m., and he was usually up again at six, seven at the latest.
The water was hot and relaxing, and he poured a luxurious handful of shower gel into his hand, then onto his body. The scent brought thoughts of Rafael to his brain; it was one of Rafael’s favorite shower products and he used it frequently. Sonny’s mind was flooded with memories of his husband, kissing his chest and his sides, running fingers along his abdomen, sucking mouthfuls of flesh between his lips as Rafael moaned. Sonny moved more directly under the spray and took himself in hand.
As he pleasured himself, he let his mind drift from his husband to the pretty waitress in the diner. It had been years since he’d had sex with a woman, and part of him wondered if he was missing something. It was a question he’d never allowed himself to ask before, kind of like how he’d never allowed himself to ask if he was really meant to be an ADA. Picturing Shanice’s softness, her breasts, her belly, her thighs, he climaxed quickly, then rinsed himself off.
Ten minutes later, he was climbing into bed next to his husband, following the routine he’d become used to over the long days this past year. Pulling the covers up, he got comfortable and closed his eyes.
“I missed you tonight,” he heard whispered softly, and Sonny rolled over to face his husband.
“Sorry…I feel like I can’t catch a breath these days,” he replied, then pressed a gentle kiss to Rafael’s nose. “I love you.”
Rafael smiled at him sleepily. “Just wanted to remind you I have to take Mimi to the dentist tomorrow, and you’re taking Marley to school, if it’s raining like they say it will be.”
He’d forgotten, but it wasn’t a problem. “Okay, I can do that. I’ll just head to work straight after.”
Rafael caught his hand and squeezed it, then brought it up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Sonny watched as his husband’s eyes closed and he drifted back to sleep; with any luck, he’d fall asleep as well before too long tonight.