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It started when you foolishly decided to fill an emergency shift at Jackson's daycare. Yet another one of the teachers had called out sick, leaving one poor lady to take care of almost 20 children. You didn't think much of volunteering yourself initially, you heard that there was someone in need and you had offered your services, even if you had just come back from a week and a half outside of the walls. Maria, gods bless her soul, had tried to talk you out of it in some capacity. She knew that you had just come back from being on patrol, getting rid of several hordes of infected, raiders and having to stitch up your scouting partner, Theo, when he ever so conveniently decided to fall off his horse and get impaled with a stick. She had tried to get you to at least have one day to yourself to recuperate your body and make up for some lost sleep because you both knew you were running on fumes. After you put your belongings and your horse's saddle away, you ran home, showered and immediately started walking in the direction of the daycare. As you exited your house, you noticed that none of the houses around yours had their lights on.
Rightfully so, you think, it was an ungodly hour in the morning. The only things that should be up at night would probably be Infected and nocturnal animals, if the nocturnal animals were to be as unlucky. It took a minute for your brain to process that your neighbour across the way had left his porch light on. He usually forgets to turn it off, you smile to yourself and head over to his porch to flick the switch off. The two of you had had this conversation more than a number of times, each time resulting in him laughing at your fake outrage. Saving electricity doesn't just help the polar bears anymore, Joel… you think then let your mind wander as you head off.
You don't really remember the walk, but here you were, on the steps of Jackson's only daycare before the sun even decided to peek out from behind the mountains, knocking on the door. As you went to knock again on the door, you were interrupted by a lady swinging the door open with considerable force. She was in her late 50's maybe early 60's and had white, curly hair with flecks of red and orange. She was slightly heavy set, despite actively surviving in an apocalypse for the past twenty-some-odd years and was wearing a very worn and stained apron over her flannel shirt and jeans.
"You're my help for today, yeah?" were the first words out of her mouth and you were a little taken aback.
"Yeah," you respond, sticking out your hand and introducing yourself. The lady grabs it and shakes it, her hand firmly grasped and sturdy against yours.
"Name's Evelyn," she introduced herself. "Let me show you the run down of the place, then we'll get the formula and diapers ready and after that, we'll have a few cookies I baked in appreciation of your coverage today."
You managed a small chuckle as you followed the hurricane of a woman, Evelyn, around the centre as you both talked, cleaned and prepared for the day. You stopped dead in your track about five minutes to the opening of the daycare for the day. You forgot to leave a note on your door for Joel and Ellie. It had been a system that was put into place a couple weeks after meeting your neighbours for the first time when Ellie had approached you with questions and you tacked a note onto your door to let Joel know that his surrogate daughter was safe and being cared for and not Infected chow. The last time you had forgotten to leave a note, Joel had shown up during the middle of your movie marathon with Ellie with a shotgun in hand and seeing red. It had completely slipped your mind, only appearing with blaring obviousness when you were mid-wipe of a table that had significant glitter stains. You didn't even know glitter could stain? You would have to apologise to Joel after your impromptu shift with some food or even that Nescafé instant espresso that you found while on patrol.
You were on your third cup of coffee before noon. The cookies that Evelyn had made were definitely a morale booster for yourself, as well as a needed sugary kickstart to your system. Maria sent some lady named Miriam to come and help out for an hour or so, but that did little to ease the noise and the screaming of the twenty some-odd children in the centre. Miriam had also mentioned that Maria was going to be sending some of the older kids over on their school lunch break to help you with the egregious amounts of tiny hands demanding to be picked up. Those kids couldn't get here fast enough. Your muscles ached as you pulled a rather clingy child from the ground and stuck him on your hip. You were pretty sure that this same kid had sneezed into your open mouth earlier in the day after sticking his snot into your nose; you had been less than graciously covered in spit-up from a baby you had been assigned to burp just before this lovely incident, but everything was blurred together in a past memory that didn't even seem palpable. You carried on like this, moving children from one place to another, getting them ready for their own food, their nap time, bathroom time until your thoughts were interrupted by someone calling your name a little too forcefully. You seemed to be moving rather swiftly compared to the way you robotically do in autopilot when you were jolted by a louder than normal noise from somewhere around you.
"--? I asked are you okay?" the voice came from behind you. You blinked as you turned around, only registering the small but dense ache that slowly began at the base of your skull. Behind you, surrounded by toddlers was Ellie and a couple of her friends from school. You think their names were something along the lines of James and Diana? Or maybe even John and Dynah? Joel had told you when you had been at the bar, watching Ellie and these friends be goofy teens on the dance floor for one of the themed nights that Ellie had dragged both of you to. You remember that night Ellie had introduced the pair of you as her father and her Y/N. Joel was wearing that one blue flannel that you steal on occasion, and you had noticed that there was a twinkle in his eyes every time the two of you had talked that night, but you chalked it up to the alcohol in both of your systems.
Your mind was too muddled to pull the name information from the recesses of your mind, so you resolved yourself to strike up a conversation with Ellie.
"Oh, hey, Ellie. Why're you here?" you asked, confused. You knew that Ma--
"Maria sent us over," Ellie started, as she placed one of the infants into those baby carriers, or whatever they were called, strapped to her chest. You nodded at Ellie's response, your earlier train of thought being completely halted by her answer. Ellie's friend -- Judah? Jon? Jonah? -- had somehow gotten all the kid's attention and was holding it in a way you never thought was even possible. Ellie saw your head tilt and the baffled look on your face as you took in the sight before you. "Oh, yeah, this was actually Jesse's idea, to come and help out, ya know."
Jessie was imitating something large, his arms outstretched and his back hunched, taking wide steps towards the kids and they howled with laughter and excitement. "Clearly he has a knack for it," you start, as you continue with whatever you were doing, current you having absolutely no clue where to pick up from. Ellie hummed in agreement and started to help you as if it was her task to begin with. The kid that was initially on your hip was now strapped to your back absolutely dead to the world, as a kid could be, in one of those things that Ellie had on her front. When did the kid get there? Your brows furrowed in more confusion as every memory and task from the past 30 minutes had been wiped. You whipped your head around to look at the clock, black spots forming in the edges of your vision and you didn't even register the time the clock displayed. Ellie noticed your out of the ordinary reactions and straightened up from what she was doing.
"Hey, you good?" she asked, sounding a little more concerned than normal.
"Yeah," you sighed, "Yeah, I'm fine… I'm good. I'm just… tired." You pinched the bridge of your nose while you talked to try and alleviate some of the immense pressure that had accumulated behind your eyes. "Oh," you gestured with your free hand, nonchalantly, "Tell your old man that I'm alive, I told him I'd see him after I got back from patrol, but I couldn't say no to helping with all the--" you used both hands to gesture to the masses of germ ridden, stain-covered tiny humans running around you. A toddler stampede could take you down faster than a Runner probably could, and you chuckled at the thought. "I also fully forgot to put a note on the door this morning as well, which doesn't help my case. I guess I'll make myself known around your house tonight with some apology food." Ellie could only hum again.
"I'll let him know." Ellie assured you as she lifted a toddler from their seat and placed them on the floor. "He mentioned that he was gonna see ya after you got back. And then he mentioned something 'bout making ya food as a thanks? For something else, I'd assume?" A thanks for what you couldn't place. You smiled at the thought, though. Joel was a nice man and you two seemed to click like two peas in a pod upon their return to Jackson after continuing out west. After the whole incident of accidental Ellie-napping two weeks into their arrival, and only a week after that, Ellie began sneaking to your house daily to 'save her stomach from the wretchedness of Joel's attempted cooking of actual food'. She then complained for almost a half hour about how Joel said that since they were now in Jackson, she wasn't allowed to eat Chef Boyardee's Beefaroni for every meal. When Joel found out how well his meals were sitting with this critic, he asked about weekly dinners, and you agreeing to them a little too quickly and way too eagerly.
"If you see him before I do, let him know I say thanks." you hum with slight amusement in your voice as you slip back into autopilot to finish the day.
The end of the day couldn't come soon enough. Quitting time was 6pm, but an hour and a half later, you, Miriam -- the lady who popped into help this morning, Maria, Evelyn and a couple other people who's faces you didn't recognise had just finished cleaning up and putting things away for the staff coming in tomorrow. The dull headache that planted itself in your skull earlier in the day had blossomed into a full blown migraine. You just needed to close your eyes for one minute, just so the world could stop spinning, so the lights could stop being so bright, so you could concentrate on tuning out all the noise. Your abnormally long fuse had been snipped to a length that could make Seth at the bar look like a saint. You half heard when one of the ladies asked if you wanted to join them at the pub for some dinner, you decide to forego the offer citing Joel's wrath for your lack of door notice. Maria huffed loudly, holding in laughter.
"You know, you've got that man wrapped around your finger, right?" she started as she placed a few books back on the shelving unit near her feet. You looked at her quizzically, a baffled lack of thought entering your mind. "Congrats, only Ellie's managed to do so, so far…" she teased lightly. You knew that you and Joel were close, but it was just a close friendship, right? You didn't pay it much heed, since most of the town gossiped about the romantic happenings of the most eligible middle-aged bachelor in Jackson -- with you two being neighbours, you were dragged into the gossip most of the time and had learned to shrug it off for the public, but secretly you wished he reciprocated the feelings. It was one thing for the roles to be reversed. You had the biggest high-school girl crush on your neighbour. He was so nice and kind and funny and just… perfect. You had tried your hardest to not let anyone know your feelings, because you cherished your friendship more than you cherished your feelings.
"Yeah, it's pretty obvious," one of the ladies who's name you didn't know chimed in. "My husband says that he talks about you almost nonstop when they're not talking 'bout work."
But this? This was all news to you. Your neighbour. The man who says all of a handful of words to other people. Saying this. About you. You, who almost set a can of beans on fire your first week in Jackson. You, who, on the Miller's first week in Jackson, tripped and accidentally flung a bucket of horse shit on yourself AND your new neighbour, Joel Miller. You, who almost gave him a heart attack and Ellie a cluster of ulcers from disassociating mid-dinner and not fully coming back until two hours later. You who have most definitely made this man's life a different level of living hell and yet somehow this saint of a man still put up with your shenanigans. You would've responded with a quick retort about how you're sure you're unlovable, with self-deprecating humour being your specialty, but the only thing you wanted in the moment was to crash face first into your pillow and not wake up for the next 16 hours. You weren't even sure that you heard the ladies correctly at this point. Your brain was foggy with lost thoughts, lack of sleep and the constant pounding of the ever growing migraine.
"Ladies, I'd love to stay and chat about my neighbour, but I'd like to have a quick meeting with my shower before I get scolded by said neighbour for giving him a heart attack this morning. Also, if anything, the man barely tolerates me." You excuse yourself from the conversation, and thereby the daycare, as you shrug your jacket on for the walk home. The temperature had significantly dropped during the day, Jackson was in the throes of a spring snowstorm, or as you preferred to call it, the end of false spring. You fastened all the available buttons, hoping that would trap some more body heat than the minimal that was currently being trapped by your jacket, wrapping your arms around your torso to try and keep some of the extra heat in. The walk between your house and the daycare on a normal day was anywhere between 5 to 10 minutes, but with the sleet and snow pelting down, you had decided to take it slow and cautious. The last thing you needed was to fall and get absolutely soaked by the puddle at the upcoming intersection. Your head was slightly relieved by the cold surrounding it, but the same relief took a large toll on your muscles and joints. They ached and groaned and protested at every movement. Your vision blurred and you didn't know if it was from pure exhaustion or from the snow that had drastically picked up in speed as you rounded the corner towards your house… and Joel's house. Fuck, you cursed mentally deciding that no matter how the night turned out for you, you were going to give Joel apology food and then go to bed right after. You really didn't want to deal with another person today, even if that person was your very lovely southern neighbour that you were definitely not infatuated with. Your social limit had been crossed and the lengths the threshold had been passed were astronomical. You crossed your front yard and took the porch steps two at a time. You had never been so happy to live alone in your life.
==x==
The silence was great and all, but the shower was better. The hot water was able to clear some of the stuffiness in your nose and generally made your migraine less painful. After the shower, you put on your favourite pair of sweatpants (that had somehow managed to survive a literal apocalypse, might you add), grabbed an oversized shirt that you had borrowed off of Ellie that she had in turn stolen from Joel. As you cleaned up the bathroom from your glorious shower, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. This is the first time that you had properly managed to calm down and not solely rely on adrenaline to carry you through the day, and you were starting to truly feel it. To put it lightly, you looked rough. Your eyes were bloodshot and sunken on your face, the bags below were dark enough to be visibly distinguishable. A few days old bruise had formed on the side of your neck, extending to your jawline and reaching behind your ear, starting to yellow yet still offering a stark contrast to the gash on the opposite cheek. You looked down to truly take in the damage of the past couple weeks. There was a long cut extending from your mid upper arm to your wrist. Huh, you thought with an inward chuckle, you had no idea where that one came from. There was a constant and persistent ringing in your ears. No matter how you tried to pop your ears, or move around the lobes to loosen whatever was in there, it didn't stop. In doing so, you accidentally walked into your bedpost and was instantly reminded of the large bruise now covering the side of your thigh from hip to just above the knee. You were sure that you had also broken a couple ribs and added that to the list; the breaks only becoming evident when you attempted to suck in a breath to scream a curse and was barely able to do so. You decided to take a seat on the side of your bed to get a few deep breaths in, while a few frustrated tears fell onto your cheeks.
Shit, you silently cursed, interrupting your own breathing exercises. Joel's probably wondering where I am. You took one more deep breath and stood up on the exhale. Every inch of your body felt like it was on fire from the pain. You mentally pushed the pain aside and focused on acting like everything was fine as you went downstairs to make a quick pot of tomato sauce for Joel's apology gift. As soon as it was done, you hurriedly put your shoes and two jackets on and grabbed the pot of sauce to quickly put on the porch so you could lock the door. Your momentum was too great, causing some of the sauce to spill over the sides and onto your hand. You inhaled sharply in the new source of pain to grace your body. All you had to do was deliver the sauce over to the Miller's, and then you could go to sleep. Deliver it and leave. Seemed like an easy enough task for your overly-tired body to complete. You quickly walked over to the Miller's, your head turning both ways, a forced habit from pre-Outbreak Day that you have yet to kick. In a matter of seconds you reached the Miller's porch and banged on the door with your foot, making it sound like a knock. Ellie was at the door and opening it almost immediately, eyes lighting up when she sees a pot full of your pasta sauce, her favourite thing in Jackson behind actual art supplies, horses, and maybe not having to consistently deal with Infected.
"Wow, this fuck up was REAL bad, huh?" Ellie asked, relieving you of your pot holding duties, as she bee-lined for the kitchen. You hazily recall that Ellie mentioned that Joel was making 'actual spaghetti, like from actual pasta boxes, not alpha-ghetti pasta' for dinner during her couple hours at the daycare earlier, figuring it would be both an apology and helpful for dinner.
"Kitchen!" Joel called his position to you.
"Coming!" you respond as you finished letting yourself into their house, closing and locking the front door, taking your shoes off and shrugging off both jackets. The shower had really boosted your cold body and you could still feel its extra warmth radiating off your body, but with the heat from the Miller's house it was starting to seem like too much. As you entered the kitchen, you could see the steam gathering in small wisps on the ceiling, as Joel emptied the pasta into a slightly corroded colander. Some part of you had hoped that the actual spaghetti from actual pasta boxes might have been some from before the Outbreak. It would have definitely lost its integrity by now, but it would make this feel a little more normal and a little less survival-y. Turns out it was pasta in a box that was produced by some of the farmers in Jackson. Pasta in a box was pasta in a box, you guess. Your thoughts snapped to Joel mid-sentence, turning to look at you, while you frantically tried to piece together context clues that would lead you to an answer somewhere in the ballpark of his question. Joel's eyebrows remained raised in question, although they started to morph into something of concern. Concern lead to worry. Worry led to you not being able to go sleep after this interaction because Joel and Ellie -- mostly Ellie-- would be bombarding you with worried questions. You tried to quell and rising doubts about your wellbeing before it even crossed Joel's mind. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over Ellie's excitement." you felt bad using the young girl as a scapegoat for your wandering thoughts and lack of concentration, but she didn't seem to pay it any heed. You had seemed to miss the half-covered look of concern on his face as soon as his eyes brushed over your bruise. The shower had somehow accentuated every cut and bruise that covered your body in stark detail. You were more surprised that there was no comment on his twice burgled shirt.
"I said, 'Did'ya want some food before Lil' Ms. Pain-in-the-Ass inhales all o' your sauce with no pasta to go along with it'?" Joel yelped in fake pain as Ellie hit his back in mock anger. You still don't know how you managed to befriend such a wonderful man.
"Um," You hesitate, if you turned this down Joel would know that something was seriously wrong. "Sure, but just a little though, I ate while making the sauce." It wasn't entirely false, you did snack on a piece of bread that still laid partially eaten on your kitchen counter. You made a mental note to not touch the pasta, so that Joel or Ellie could eat it tomorrow. Food waste was a big deal around here and everyone did their part to prevent it, but you found yourself lying to your neighbours about your sudden abhorrence to the pasta in a box. Ellie had scarfed down most of her serving by the time Joel had placed your serving in front of you and before he could sit down so that the two of you could start eating, Ellie had polished off her plate and was begging you to come and look at something cool in the living room. You gave Joel a look, one of slight apology interlaced with 'your kid is weird and I want to just talk to another adult for a while', causing him to chuckle softly. You half-heartedly listened to what Ellie was telling you about, it definitely did have something to do with space and stuff that she had recently learned at the museum. Joel initially took her there for her birthday, but it then became a quasi-annual trip, Ellie slowly but surely clearing out their book selection on space and dinosaurs, and a few times you had asked her to grab some stuff on ancient civilizations and biology. You guess the trip for the season happened while you were out on patrol. Ugh, you sighed. Stupid patrol and its stupid week long trips. You mentally cursed until Ellie's hand near your face caught your eye. She was waving frantically, the worried look from earlier in the day plastering her face once more.
"Did you hear what I said?" She asked, trying to say it a tone that sounded like a mix between annoyed and frustrated, intricately dotted with worry when in fact it was just down right worry.
"Yeah, sorry," you say, shaking your head free of the cobwebs and immediately regretted the decision, but you couldn't let Ellie know because concern lead to worry and worry lead to being here longer. You knew that both Joel and Ellie meant well, but what you wouldn't do to get three hours of undisturbed sleep right now. "It's just been a long day."
"I bet it was," Joel answers instead of the girl in front of you, walking into the living room with two cups of tea in his hands. You hadn't even been aware that he finished the dishes let alone started his meal. Why wasn't he commenting on the fact that you didn't touch your pasta? He hands you a cup wordlessly and you accept, placing it down between your hands, resting on your lap. "Ellie told me about your lil' stint as a daycare professional." Joel's gaze drifted to Ellie, waiting for her to continue the conversation as he sat down beside you, causing you to dip a little towards him with the shift of the couch cushion.
"You were, like, some type of baby superhero!" she exclaimed, way too loud for your brain to process, but you didn't let it show. "At one point, you had a baby strapped to your back AND your front AND you had a kid hanging off your side!" she motioned to each location as she told the story. She continued the story but your mind started to tune her out, equating her with an annoying high pitch frequency. Your eyes landed on your cup of tea, and you brought it to your lips. It was only hot water, lemon and a little bit of honey, but you still counted it as tea. It was warming, yet soothing against your throat that you only recently recognized was burning in pain. It felt like something was caught at the top of your throat, causing pain to radiate each time you swallowed or dared to speak. You giggled along when Joel laughed and when Ellie got into depth with yet another story that you were sure both you and Joel had heard a million times, you nodded as Ellie's body language indicated a break to catch her breath.
"--atch a MOVIE!" you heard Ellie exclaim mid story. You forced your eyes to focus on her as she ran towards the almost barren TV stand's shelves and picked up a DVD of Jurassic Park, a movie you were sure the kid had seen a thousand times, and forced Joel to watch every second of it every single rerun.
"Again?" Joel asked, trying to poke holes in her goofy façade.
"Yes, Joel, AGAIN." she responded, sounding a little exacerbated.
"Alright, but if the DVD or that damn player breaks, don't say I didn't warn ya." Ellie only responds by sticking out her tongue and turning away to deal with the frozen-in-time technology. Joel looked down at you, as you had slowly made yourself comfortable, initially using his shoulder as some sort of headrest, the arm attached to it had somehow snaked its way around your back, pulling you closer so that your 'Joel's Shoulder' headrest had become 'Joel's Chest' headrest. "Nice shirt," he muses in a husky voice, a smile creeping into it. So, he did notice that, you thought as you tiredly smiled. "You stayin'?" he whispers, his voice gravelly, deep and breathy. In attempting to ward off concern, you unknowingly invited in extreme normalcy. Joel was none the wiser that you were feeling like shit, just that you looked like shit, and had been planning on leaving 5 or 10 minutes ago, maybe… you glance at the clock in the kitchen to get a true bearing of time.
Welp.
You were supposed to leave three and a half HOURS ago. Your muscles throbbed in frustration at the thought of having to move from where you were, even if only to readjust. Maybe if you just took a quick half hour nap, that would reset your body and you would be able to excuse yourself to go home. With this thought musing your head, you hummed quietly in agreement, hoping that he heard your reply, laying more of your weight into Joel's body, which was propped up against the back of the couch. You turned your body so that your back was now to him, his close arm draped over your body, propping his legs up on the coffee table. You both are used to falling asleep on the other's sofas, because weekly dinners had eventually lead to biweekly or thrice weekly movie nights, and although Ellie would never admit it, she loved seeing you both so comfortable with each other. With Joel behind you and Ellie making herself comfortable perched on the other half of the sofa that wasn't taken up by you and Joel but slowly sprawling out to claim most of it, you drifted off to dream land before the opening credits were even completed.
About an hour and a half later, Joel was startled awake by a song from the ending credits. He quickly rubbed sleep out of his eyes with his free hand, not wanting to sacrifice the arm he had wrapped around you. He was afraid that you were like a sleeping cat and that as soon as he moved you would just get up and walk away. He wanted to savour this moment for as long as he could. Looking over, he saw that Ellie herself hadn't even made it through the entire movie, which is why they always have to watch it. One day, Joel pretends that Ellie is talking to him, One of these days Joel, I'll be able to stay awake for the WHOLE movie and then go to bed. In all fairness to Ellie, they didn't start movies until the sun had been down for a while, so the exhaustion of the day was competing with the movie's run time. He dared himself to move softly, his worry for waking you washing away when your head fell a short distance between his chest and his lap. He patted Ellie's shins, jolting the young girl awake and ready for any threat that may have made it's way into Jackson.
"C'mon, kiddo," he whispered. "Time for bed." Ellie's response was to groan in mild annoyance as she stood up to tackle the walk out to the garage. He looked down at you next. Your cheeks had a redness to them that he never had really noticed until now. He thought it odd that it went unnoticed with all the time that he had been looking at you out of the corner of his eyes, or sometimes not even hiding the full awestruck stare when you were in the same room as him. It was almost instinct to carry you bridal style to his bedroom, he had already made up his mind that when you had agreed to watch the movie, he would sleep on the couch. Weekly dinners, turned thrice weekly movies had then evolved to thrice weekly slumber parties. He had done it a multitude of times before, it was the only way he could repay you for somehow getting a futon in your living room and letting him occupy it half the time. His joints creaked as he climbed the stairs to his room, a part of him still hoping that you wouldn't wake up from all the noise. He laid you down and pulled the covers to your chest. As he went to grab a change of close to sleep in, he heard your body exhale in contentment. You probably hadn't had a decent sleep in almost two weeks, he pondered to himself. He finished changing and walked right back down the stairs to take his less-than-comfortable-but-still-better-than-sleeping-outside-the-walls-of-Jackson place on the couch.
==x==
Light streaming through the window was the only indicator Joel needed to tell him that morning had come. He rubbed his eyes and sat up from his sleeping position. The clock hanging just above the kitchen sink said that it was almost 6:30 in the morning, confirming his suspicions. He stretched to alleviate some of the pressure that had built in his back during the night, and stood up. He needed to change, wake Ellie up in the garage and start on breakfast. Focusing on any task this early in the morning, especially right after waking up had become harder when they settled into Jackson.
Okay, Joel thought to himself again. Alright, time to go change and get ready for the day. He rubbed his face a few times to try and get rid of any lingering sleep on his face. His footfalls on the stairs were loud and purposeful, and it was only until he saw you still asleep in his bed, completely oblivious to the world, did some memories from the night before come back to linger in his mind. He smirked, seeing you in such a peaceful sleep, and his bed no less. He grabbed a new shirt from the closet and his jeans from yesterday that were draped over a chair in his room and walked to the washroom. He would give you a few more hours of rest, you had sounded like you needed it last night. Your energy had been off and your movements awkward, Joel recalls. You didn't touch your dinner yesterday either, he had wrapped it and put it in the fridge before making his way over to you with the tea. Sleep would probably fix all of that for you, as you claimed it usually did.
After his shower, Joel trotted down the stairs to see Ellie walking in the side door, and mentally checked off the second item on his to-do list.
"Mornin'," he called to Ellie, the girl still rubbing the extra sleep out of her eyes.
"Mornnn," Ellie mumbled back and took her place between the kitchen cupboard and the coffee pot, eager to have the extra boost to her alertness.
"Eggs?" Joel grunted in the form of a question.
"Cool." Ellie replied as she passed Joel to get some milk out of the fridge, and upon standing up took in the kitchen scene. It was only the two of them, she noted. You were probably still sleeping upstairs. As Joel scrambled the eggs, he kept stealing worried glances at the clock, watching the time pass. He watched as 7:00 turned into 8:00 turned into 9:30 turned into 10:30. He was sitting in the kitchen with a book and yet another cup of coffee. He should have at least heard you get up and shuffle to the bathroom or something, right? The house had become dead silent after Ellie went back to the garage to sketch before her work shift with the horses. He set down the book, pages flayed on the table so he wouldn't lose his spot and stood up. The creak of the chair against the floor was still met with silence and Joel started to walk towards the stairs, a fear that was lingering starting to wrap its tendrils around his nerves. He called out your name, softly at first. Even in a dead sleep, he would be able to wake you up by calling your name.
No response. He had to stop himself from taking the stairs three at a time, his heart beat accelerating quickly, his nerves getting worse. There was nothing he should be worried about. He called again, louder this time and was once again met with no response. Joel steadied his hands as he knocked on his bedroom door, calling your name again as he opened it. You were still asleep in his bed. The covers had been thrown and tangled, and you had flung your sweatpants to the side of the bed. The bed wasn't large but somehow, the image of you curled in on yourself made it seem infinite. The air felt stale and strained. Your breaths sounded like they were hurting you. The fear that was creeping up his bones shot straight to his heart.
Something was wrong.
He was at the bedside in seconds, sitting on the side to steady himself and his nerves grabbing the side of your arm, shaking it. He almost hissed at the touch. You were burning. He called your name again, even louder than before, getting a good look at the frail shell you were unwillingly wearing. Your cheeks were flushed a deep red, your hair sweaty and sticking to your face. His shirt that was a little too big on you last night was almost swallowing you whole.
"Y/N," Joel's tone was firm, trying to keep is voice from breaking. "Hey." He moved himself so he could move the strands of hair plastered to your face to the side and get some sort of accurate measure on your temperature. His hands were shaking. The panic and adrenaline took up more space in his chest. You were probably dying, right? No one could be out this cold and be this hot and not respond to someone shaking them and calling their name.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no." he let out a shaky breath. "Hey, c'mon, I need you to wake up now." Eyes still fixed on you he turned his head towards the door. His whispers turned into a scream. "Ellie!" he called out, hoping that his pain-in-the-ass would be raiding his kitchen for a mid-morning snack. No response from her either. He gently rubbed your arm again, more in comfort for himself than for you.
"Okay, baby, I'm going to be right back," He whispered to you, leaving you with a gentle kiss on the top of your head. "ELLIE!" Joel screamed as he ran out of the room. Tears flew off of his face as he took the staircase in two bounds.
"ELLIE!!" He called again, not even bothering to hide the fear in his voice as he took a sharp right towards the side door. He was met with an equally fearful Ellie, swinging the door open so forcefully it could have come off its hinges. Her eyes were wide and her pistol was in her hand, despite the no guns inside of the compound rule. If Joel was screaming her name that loud something serious was wrong. She froze as soon as she saw her surrogate father, his hair disheveled and tear tracks down his face. "Tommy, Maria, now. It's Y/N." Ellie took off in a full sprint towards her uncle's house, her voice calling out Tommy's name in the tone of bloody murder. Joel ran his hands through his hair to try and ground himself and create a gameplan. He needed a bowl and a towel.
No, he thought. He needed a thermometer. If your fever was uncomfortable to him, it was probably high which meant that you needed to be cooled down immediately. He leapt up the stairs and ran towards the supply closet. He had managed to secure a thermometer from a patrol about a year ago, and he pulled it out of its hiding place, nearly teleporting back to your side.
"Alright, baby," he greeted you softly as he tried to move you to gain easier access to your mouth, so he could safely stick the thermometer here. Your body let out moan in protest of the movement that almost sounded like a hurt whimper. "I know, sweetheart, I know. It'll be over soon, baby." he tried to console you after he stuck the thermometer in your mouth. Joel ran over to the bathroom and turned on the faucets, and started filling up the tub with lukewarm water. He bolted back to you and tried to read the thermometer. It wasn't even done reading properly but it was already too high for Joel's liking. He flung the thermometer out of your mouth and started to detangle you from the sheets, despite your weak protests. He scooped you up in his arms, somehow you felt lighter than before. "Okay, sweetheart. It's going to be okay, baby." You curled into his chest involuntarily, trying to seek out a new heat source. Joel swiftly moved the both of you into the bathroom, met with a mostly full tub of water. He gently placed both of you in the tub and waited for your initial thrashing from the temperature shock. It was minimal at best, Joel fully submerged everything from your shoulders down and reached over to turn off the pipes, using his chest to support your body weight. The time seemed to pass in an instant and an eternity simultaneously. He was whispering sweet nothings into your ear, occasionally planting small kisses on the top of your head, as he cupped water in one hand and poured it over your neck and the top of your shoulders, occasionally pouring it over your forehead to try and bring down the fever. You had barely responded to the external stimuli, still curling in on yourself seeking some sort of comfort. Joel reached for a towel that was barely in arm's length and dipped it in the water to rest on your forehead for consistent cooling. He pressed another kiss on the top of your head. He didn't know what he would do if he lost you. His hands were shaking, mind bringing back flashes to Ellie post-Silver Lake and Sarah on Outbreak Day.
He.
Could.
Not.
Lose.
You.
He couldn't deal with another loss. Not today. He wouldn't survive it. He stole a glance at your face as his thoughts stormed with every worst case scenario, how could you look so peaceful in a time like this? Joel's hurricane of thoughts were interrupted by a stampede entering his house and a sharp voice screaming his name from downstairs.
"JOEL?!" It was Tommy. A sigh of relief that he didn't know he was holding in was exhaled. He could already hear Tommy bounding up the steps.
"Tommy!" He called back, doing his best not to shake you with the rumbling of his chest. Tommy appeared in a matter of seconds and Ellie was close behind him. Joel hadn't even noticed that tears were falling and betraying his attempt to be brave for the kid. Tommy took a few tentative steps towards the tub and knelt down, while Ellie stayed frozen in the doorway. "Tommy, she--" Joel stopped as his voice broke. "She ain't wakin' up." He unconsciously gripped you tighter in his embrace, his body starting to shake slightly as he let the tears fall down his face. He was scared. He was so scared.
"Ellie," Tommy said gently, without taking his eyes off of his brother clutching your body in the tub. "I need ya to get us a coupl'a glasses of water 'n get Maria." Ellie stayed frozen in place, eyes widening. "Ellie!" Tommy called again and she took off, finally processing the requests made of her. She appeared a moment later with two glasses of water, setting them down outside of the entrance to the washroom and bolted back down the stairs and out the door to look for the missing Miller.
"Thermometer's in the room," Joel said quietly, slowly rearranging the way you were lying against him. Tommy already knew what Joel was asking and he stood up to go and look for it. He refreshed the towel that was on your forehead as Tommy threw around the sheets in Joel's room and looked for the thermometer that the older brother had haphazardly cast aside. Within the minute, Tommy was back with Joel's currently most prized possession and stuck it back in your mouth. This time you had no reaction and Joel didn't know whether to be more relieved or scared at this fact. Joel was attempting to ground himself by rubbing his thumb or a patch of your forearm when Tommy decided that the thermometer had been in your mouth long enough. He looked up at his brother, not even having to pose the question.
"104," Tommy started, and Joel cursed. "Was it higher before?"
" Don't know," Joel muttered. "Took it out after it passed 103 and kept climbing."
"Looks like the coolin' off worked, though." Tommy offered some encouragement. He was right, of course he was right. You seemed to be in less pain, the redness in your face was still there but much less prominent than before. Your breathing had evened since your arrival to the bathroom and it sounded less strenuous on your lungs.
"Good." Joel offered as his only response. He couldn't trust his voice not to break and betray him again, opting to move his hand to gently brush the hair out of your face in lieu of giving his brother more of a response.
"We gotta get 'er to drink something, 'kay?" Tommy coaxed Joel to try and move you so that you were sitting up more than you were before. Joel kept you steady, whispering to you about how good you were doing, and how he was proud of you and narrating all of Tommy's movements, while Tommy brought one of the glasses of water to your lips and tilted it ever so gently. Your body had reflexively took a small sip of the liquid, as Tommy had hoped for. He didn't want to jinx it so he set the glass aside and turned his attention back to his brother. Three pairs of feet were running up the stairs the moment Tommy put the glass down on the floor.
"How's she?" Maria asked, out of breath from the marathon sprint over to Joel's house from wherever she had been.
"Uh, 104 the last time we checked, not waking up though." Tommy responded to his wife, trying to give all of the information in a calm manner.
"Time since?" A new voice emerged from behind Ellie who had taken up residence in the door frame once again. It was Jackson's on call walking emergency department, or as most people knew them as Dr. Brownn.
"Maybe 10 minutes or so?" Tommy offered.
"Okay, let's move her out of the tub and into some clean clothes and then back into bed." Dr. Brownn said as they took control of the situation from Tommy. "You did good, Joel. You made the right choice." They reassured him as Maria instructed Ellie to go and grab some clothes from your house. Joel swore that Maria knew the kid better than he did some days. This is exactly what she needed, a distraction from the hell that was spawning in his ensuite bathroom. After some skillful manoeuvring on Joel's part that Tommy didn't think his ancient older brother was even able to do, the older Miller had positioned you against Maria, so that her and Dr. Brownn could get you changed into something less waterlogged. Joel decided to do the same, grabbing a change of clothes from his closet and going to change in the central bathroom two doors down from his. As he and his brother walked out of the room, Tommy turned to Joel.
"She's gonna be okay, ya know that, right?" the younger's hand rested on the elder's shoulder and Joel involuntarily let out a choked sob. Tommy pulled his brother close and held him.
"'m alright," Joel said, quickly wiping away the traces of tears fallen and yet to form from his eyes and cheeks. "I'm alright." he repeated.
"Gonna go make us a cuppa coffee, meet me downstairs when you're done?" Tommy let his brother go from his embrace.
Joel could only nod.
As he was changing, he heard Ellie come back inside the house bounding up the stairs once again, hopefully this time with your clothing in hand. The next half an hour seemed to blur together. He vaguely remembers getting changed and walking downstairs to meet his brother, who was parked at the kitchen table, Ellie beside him - the two engrossed in a conversation about the Star Wars movies that Ellie had watched over at Tommy and Maria's the other day. He had quietly sipped his coffee as Ellie imitated some of the characters for their amusement. Tommy had asked for an imitation of Chewbacca next because 'Joel gives Chewbacca vibes'. Mid Wookie roar, the trio were cut off by the sounds of two footsteps walking down the stairs.
"She's okay," Maria started, as the Miller brothers started to stand. That statement returned Tommy to his seat, relieved, Joel on the other hand stood in place. He needed more than that. He turned to Dr. Brownn. "We got her changed and put her in your bed, Joel. Hope you don't mind that none."
"All she needs is rest, Joel," Dr. Brownn started, facing Joel as they spoke. "She pushed herself too hard and overworked her body. It happens."
"It also probably doesn't help that at least three kids coughed or sneezed directly in her face yesterday." Ellie piped in, attempting some form of comedic relief. Joel whipped his head to look at the girl with a 'why didn't you offer this information before' glare.
"No, it probably does not." Dr. Brownn chuckled at the end of the sentence. Joel pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Dr. Brownn turned back to Joel. "She's not allowed to do anything until end of next week."
"So Y/N's stuck here?!" Ellie exclaimed in excitement, her eyes lighting up with glee.
"Stuck here?" Dr. Brownn inquired quizzically.
"She's not my wife," Joel said in unison with Tommy's "They're not married," and Ellie's "I wish she was married to the fogey."
"She'll be okay to stay here." Maria summarized for Dr. Brownn, motioning for the doctor to follow her to the door. The two struck up a conversation as they left Joel's house, Joel grabbed his cup of coffee, his book and started for the stairs. He needed to make sure that you were okay, that you were still breathing. That you were still alive. That you were still his. This entire ordeal had definitely given him an ulcer or two.
Once he entered his bedroom, he grabbed the chair that was gathering dust at the edge of the room and hauled it over to the side of the bed where you were sleeping. You somehow still looked so peaceful and angelic, not stirring at the noise. Joel sat his cup of coffee down on the nightstand, propped his book open with one hand and held your hand in the other, making small circular patterns with his thumb over the back of your hand.
When consciousness was finally restored to your body, the first and -- for a few seconds -- the only thing you felt was the imaginary elephant sitting on your chest combined with the insane amount of cotton balls that had somehow been stuffed in your head and the vision-flipping ear ringing that just didn't seem to go away. You hadn't even opened your eyes and you could tell that the brief streaks of sunlight coming through the windows was going to be too much light for you to handle. It didn't even cross your mind that you had not only slept through the entire movie, but the entire night, and in Joel's bed nonetheless. Your body was a tangled mess between sheets and clothing you had ripped off and later tried to put back on to deal with the interwoven hot and cold feelings. The only way you could rationalize your semi-tragic state was that you had definitely been bit. You had definitely been bit even though after your shower you didn't see a single piece of evidence to support this claim.
Oh my god, you thought in a terror, you had been back for only less than the allotted 24 hours it takes for full infection to occur. OH MY GOD.
You were probably starting to turn into a Runner. This was it, this was the end of your humanity as you knew it.
HOW COULD YOU BE THIS STUPID, your thoughts picked up their pace, swirling and taking on the forms of very angry clouds.
Jackson is supposed to be a SAFE community. You just FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. Everything felt fuzzy and stiff and made of lead. The smallest of realistic thoughts is a wisp your mind, weren't Runners supposed to be fast? And standing? And twitching?
You endangered everyone. Maria. Tommy. How would you be able to explain this to them?
You endangered your friends. Your breath quickened, to match your rising pulse.
Your neighbours. Ellie.
Joel.
You body startled awake and you were met with two firm hands resting on your shoulders guiding you back down to the mattress. You panicked, being unfamiliar with your surroundings and you let out a scream that was more agitated and frightened than a cry for help. You willed your arms to fight against your unknown potential attacker, but they wouldn't move. Had the body that the hands were attached to somehow pin your arms down? Who did the hands belong to? Did the disembodied hands have friends? How many friends? Was someone coming to help you? Did they even know you needed help? How did the hands get into your space? How did they get into Jackson? Wait… were you even in Jackson? Where was Ellie? Where was Joel? Where were you? As if on cue with your spiraling thoughts a calm, southern voice broke through the swirling tornado in your mind.
"S'alright, darlin', it's just me." Joel's voice seemed unreachable, no matter how far you made your arms stretch. The tornado façade of terrorizing thoughts melted away almost instantaneously. Joel's sympathetic sigh made your heavy eyes creak open. Your eyes refused to focus on any single thing in front of your face, instead choosing to show you a blurry mess. You could almost laugh at the situation, had the pressure on your chest not returned causing each breath to physically hurt. You weren't Infected-sick, you were sick-sick. You hadn't been sick-sick since your second to last week in the Buffalo QZ, so the feeling, memory and overall immunity to anything infectious (that couldn't turn you Infected, of course) had long since faded. "Oh, darlin'… I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"No 'pologizin'," you mumble, barely parting your lips to make the sounds. "Not y'r fault." You both sat in the silence, you still lying down in Joel's bed, Joel sitting on a chair beside the bed, his book having fallen to the side.
"Did ya want some water?" Joel offered cautiously. You nodded wordlessly. Your throat felt worse than you remembered. Joel got up and was back in what seemed to you like the blink of an eye. It took all your strength to lift your arm and grab the cup from Joel, even though he didn't fully let it go and helped you bring it to your lips. After a few sips, Joel took the cup from your weak grasp and set it on the nightstand. Joel returned to his post, reading and rubbing small circles on your hand, when you mustered the strength to ask him a question.
"Wha' happ'ned?" The question was simple, yet slurred from the sleepiness in your voice. Joel stopped and set his book down. He faced you and you could see that it was taking almost every once of strength he could gather to not cry in front of you.
"You got sick. Real sick. I was scared. I thought you were gonna leave me." By the end of the sentence, Joel's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Can't get rid'f me tha' easily, y'fogey." you say lightheartedly, still feeling loopy from sleep. Joel smiled, etching every fibre of your being into his mind.
"I know, sweetheart, I know." He leaned down and kissed your forehead.
"'m sorry I sc'red ya." you mumble, feeling your body going back to sleep.
"It's okay. I'm just glad that you're safe, baby." he whispers just so the two of you can hear.
"All thanks t'you." you murmur, eyes drifting closed, your body turning towards Joel's direction, you felt the circles on the back of your hand return as you faded into sleep.
"Love you, baby." Joel breathes, barely audible to both of you.
==x==
Epilogue:
A few weeks after the ordeal, you were still saddled with menial tasks as to not overwork yourself, courtesy of Maria and Tommy. You and Joel were coming back from a construction site, where he was putting his pre-Outbreak skills to work and you were assigned to hand out nails (you could thank Tommy for that job) and hold the odd beam steady. Your weekly dinners shifted to every other night dinners. Somewhere along the way, Ellie started calling your weekly dinners "family dinners" and neither you nor Joel interjected at the name change. In fact, you actually liked it. You were your own weird little family. Tonight, Ellie had asked for family dinner and a redo at watching Jurassic Park. Your conversation with Joel on the way to his house was effortless, ranging every topic from pre-Outbreak hopes and dreams to favourite book (Joel ended up with several recommendations from you. If you had recommended them to him, of course he was going to read them all) to even best ways to cook deer on an open flame. As you approached the front steps, you made a comment and Joel shouldered your body lightly and laughed.
Ellie surprised you both by opening the front door and screaming so the entire neighbourhood could hear her.
"JUST KISS HER ALREADY!"
Joel was shocked. You could feel your face turn tomato red in embarrassment. Both of you had stopped dead in your tracks. You knew that Maria and her friends, mostly her friends, had teased you about Joel's supposed crush on you, but you had deluded yourself into thinking that there was no possible way that could ever happen, especially to you out of all people.
"Ellie!" He seethed, no real venom behind his voice. Joel turned to you, his cheeks starting to turn as red as your face already was.
"I'd like that." You offer, trying to break the silence. Joel looked somehow even more shocked than before, bewilderment plastered on his face.
"Really?" he asked, hopeful.
"Yeah," you replied. Joel leaned down and kissed you. It was everything your high-school self had wanted in a kiss.
"BOO YEAH!" Ellie screamed again from the porch this time. You two could only laugh as you walked up the front steps, Joel ruffling the top of Ellie's head as soon as she was in arm's reach. As soon as she was released, she ran over to you and tackled you into a hug. You returned the squeeze of affection and looked up at Joel, his face beaming with his two favourite girls in front of him. You couldn't be happier either.
"What're we having for dinner?" Ellie asked, curious.
"Hmm, was thinkin' pasta?" Joel thought aloud. At the suggestion, Ellie's head swiveled from Joel to you almost instantaneously.
"With sauce?!" Ellie squealed in glee.
"With sauce." You confirmed with a laugh as you follow Ellie inside the Miller-Williams household, Joel bringing up the rear.
"Oh my god, today just keeps getting better."