Chapter Text
Simon had been thinking about it for a while. The past couple of months with Johnny had to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. The man was endlessly patient with him. Always taking his time, always prioritizing Simon’s pleasure.
At times he felt like he didn’t deserve the near worship that Johnny bestowed upon him. But then Johnny would always talk him through it, explain how he liked showing everything to Simon. He liked it when Simon was strung out and whimpering with pleasure. It worked out well because Simon quite liked it too.
Johnny made him feel safe, he knew he was allowed to ask for what he wanted. He knew that he was allowed to ask for more and if Johnny could, he would give it to him.
His boyfriend was always supportive. He still remembered the first time he had tried to ask to have Johnny fuck him on his own initiation. Remembered how shaky he was, how timid. As if Johnny would think him a freak for wanting to have sex with no explanation other than the fact that he wanted it.
But he hadn’t thought any of those things, he had just smiled and guided Simon back to his room. He had sat Simon down before even touching him. They talked about what they wanted, talked about what they were going to do. Then they made love on Simon’s bed, soft and sweet.
Simon still smiled at the memory, it was a good one. He also remembered the first time Johnny had said that he didn’t want to do anything one night. Simon had tried to initiate that evening. They had just gotten back from a mission, he had felt the buzzing of adrenaline in his veins.
He had pushed Johnny up against the wall, asked him to make love to him. Johnny had kissed him sweetly, but held his hips tight, not letting Simon grind against him the way he was desperate for.
Once again Johnny had guided them back to one of their private rooms before explaining to him that he couldn’t tonight. There was too much adrenaline in him. He was too keyed up to do something like that at the moment.
Simon had instantly drawn back into himself, worried that he had pushed too far. All of his insecurities rushing back in an instant. He mentally scolded himself, he should have known, he shouldn’t have pushed Johnny.
He didn’t get far before Johnny was pulling him back. He explained that Simon had done nothing wrong. He told him how proud he was that Simon asked for what he wanted. He told him how he didn’t trust himself to love Simin the way he wanted to love him.
Johnny explained that as much as he wanted to make love to Simon, he couldn’t right now. He talked Simon through it until they both calmed down. They talked about how both of them felt. He told Simon that there was nothing wrong with asking as long as he was ok with getting a yes or a no as his answer. Just like Johnny always asked him and was fully prepared for a yes or a no, there were no wrong answers with them.
They talked about different things they could do instead. Johnny gave him options of things to do together, things Simon could do on his own. In the end, they had decided that they wanted to go on a walk together. They had walked in the shadows at the perimeter of the base for kilometers. They walked hand in hand, lapping the base until they were dead on their feet, adrenaline from the mission faded. They fell into bed together and passed out in each others arms.
Those and countless other situations that had left Simon reeling but still feeling safe. It all added up to his current situation. Everything had led up the conversation that he was currently mulling over in his head. The conversation that he wanted to have with Johnny.
He was in the other man’s room, waiting for him to get out of the shower. He was waiting patiently thank you very much, not at all squirming in anticipation about the possibilities of how it was going to go. He knew that Johnny wasn’t going to get mad at him, he knew that if it wasn’t something that he wanted that Johnny would tell him.
Simon only had to wait for so long, because soon enough his boyfriend was walking in from his bathroom looking hot as sin with his towel dried hair and still steaming skin. The sight took his breath away, stirring a heat in his gut that almost sidetracked him from what he wanted to say.
Johnny caught his eyes and sent him a wink that made his stomach flip pleasantly. He set his towel down and dropped a kiss to Simon’s forehead, a common occurrence that he never failed to lean in to.
“How are you sweetheart,” Johnny asked.
“I’m good Johnny, you saw me an hour ago. Nothing’s changed,” he scoffed.
The shorter man made a face of mock offense, “Am I not allowed to check in to see how my boyfriend is doing?”
“You are,” Simon admitted, even after all these months he still blushed when Johnny called him his boyfriend.
He hummed, pleased with the answer, before going about his room and getting ready for bed. He was putting a bit of face lotion on when Simon spoke again, he was still trying to work on his confidence with things like this, but he was trying.
His voice sounded unsure, even to his own ears as he asked, “Do you think we could have a sex conversation tonight?”
Johnny didn’t even mention the nerves in his voice, he had never teased Simon for being nervous about that stuff. Instead, he perked up at the question, “Course we can sweetheart. Good kind, bad kind, or somewhere in the middle?”
“Good kind,” he answered, not looking at the man, “I’m pretty sure. You said I could ask you questions, and I think I’ve got some.”
Johnny beamed at him, “You can always ask me anything Si, let me just finish up real quick then I can give you my full attention.”
Simon let himself have a little smile. In the meantime, he burrowed under the covers on his designated side of the bed and just passively watched Johnny move around the room. He watched as he straightened up a few things and set out his uniform for tomorrow. He loved watching Johnny move around his own space, content to just wait and observe.
Soon enough Johnny was sliding into bed next to him, both leaning up against the headboard, shoulders pressing together. Johnny pulled his knees up to a comfortable angle and set his hand out on his own thigh. It was an offer, but not a demand.
Simon took his hand and brought it into his lap. He fiddled with his fingers, using it as an outlet for his anxious energy. He cleared his throat, “I’ve been trying to think of how to ask questions in order, but I can’t figure out where to start.”
Johnny’s head was turned slightly towards him, not staring him down but still giving his full attention. Simon appreciated it.
The Scott responded, “Doesn’t need to be in order sweetheart, doesn’t need to make sense all at once. I can just answer one by one and we can go through it together.”
Simon nodded sheepishly, it felt like he always needed Johnny to remind him. He spoke softly, “You know I love you right?”
He squeezed his hand, “Of course Simon. I love you too.”
“You know I like everything we do in bed, right?”
“Oh I know Si,” Johnny said with a bit of humor in his voice, “I can tell by how you whimper and beg for it every time.”
Simon’s cheeks heated up at that, he stared intensely at Johnny’s hand in his, “I may not know a lot but I’m not stupid. I know that what we do isn’t everything that people do with sex. I…”
He couldn’t figure out how to continue that thought. He glanced at Johnny, silently asking for a hand. Johnny always helped when words were hard.
Th man smiled, “You’re right. And I have never thought you were stupid Si, inexperienced maybe but never stupid.”
“I just… was curious…”
Johnny’s brow rose in interest, “Curious? About what is out there?”
He nodded, absolutely refusing to look him in the eye as his cheeks burned red, “Ha- have you ever done anything like that?”
“There is a lot out there Si, can’t say I know exactly what is in that pretty head of yours. ‘M not tryin’ to make you uncomfortable, but can you clarify what you are asking that I’ve done? Just want to be on the same page.”
Simon nodded, trying to gather words. He had no problem clarifying, he just needed to figure out how to say it, “So I was walking around base and I heard people talking. Sounded like they were talking about what they had done the night before. I didn’t stay long but they were talking about kinks? Something about rope? Is- is sex with rope what kinks is?”
Johnny smiled like he wanted to laugh, even if he didn’t follow through. Simon knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. He knew that Johnny wasn’t making fun of him, but he couldn’t help but shrink into himself at the expression. Still a bit too fragile and uncertain to be confident with what he had asked. He knew that he had something not quite right but he didn’t know where he had messed up.
Johnny took a breath, gently placing a hand behind Simon’s neck as a grounding pressure, “Easy pretty boy, you know I’m not laughing at you. You are right, I’m sure you have heard of all kinds of things people do in sex. Kinks are different things that people like in a sexual context. One of those can be playing around with ropes. So someone can have a rope kink, or I guess it’s called a bondage kink.”
“It’s not just ropes,” he asked.
“Correct, there are a ton of things that people are into. Some of them are a bit more intense than others, but as long as everything is consensual and legal there is nothing wrong with any of it. Just like what we do, when people have kinky sex they have to make sure that everyone agrees. Make sure that all parties are ok with what is happening,” Johnny explained kindly.
Simon had long since settled back and was leaning against Johnny’s shoulder. He hummed at the explanation, “So have you- have you had kinky sex? That’s how you say it?”
“You got it right Si, and I guess I have in the past. Nothing crazy, I think that for myself to get more into that type of thing I would have to be with the person for longer and long term relationships haven’t been my strong suit in the past,” he pressed a kiss to Simon’s forehead, “I suppose I was just waiting for you. I knew those relationships weren’t meant to last.”
Simon scoffed, “You’re a big sap. Did you like it?”
“I did,” he knew Johnny had no reason to lie to him.
Simon had never been jealous of the people Johnny had been with before. He knew that he had past lovers and that was ok. Because now Johnny was with him and he wasn’t going anywhere.
“I just, uh I guess I just want to know what is out there… I don’t know if I would even like anything like that but I… I don’t know maybe this was dumb.”
Johnny squeezed his hand, “It’s not dumb Simon. I promise. If anything, I think it’s good to be curious, it means that you feel safe to explore more. Safe to see what is out there. You don’t have to like any of it. If you want to keep making love like we do that is completely fine too. I am more than happy to do exactly what we are forever. Hell, as long as I’m with you I don’t care if I never have sex again. I just want to love you Simon.”
Simon hummed, “I think I would like to learn about some of it. Nothing too crazy, but I just want to know what is out there. Would you be willing to show me?”
“Of course, I would love to. Did you have anything in mind love?”
He shook his head and Johnny smiled, “I think I might have an idea about something you might like. What do you say we try it out tomorrow?”
He was stifling a yawn as he nodded. Johnny just laughed and rolled onto him with a bear hug. He wiggled around, taking Simon with him until they were both a laughing mess. Johnny pressed a firm kiss to his lips, “Proud of you love, get some sleep.”
“Love you Johnny,” was his sleepy reply and they were both knocked out in a matter of moments.