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Sasuke liked to consider himself an extremely well-put-together person, even in comparison to his older brother’s supremely competent and wealthy law school buddies. So, surrounded with the type of human refuse that populated his engineering college, he felt sort of like a god among men.
He still remembered the shock and horror he experienced upon seeing a classmate’s room in his first year. Open boxes of chips and cookies everywhere, papers strewn across the floor, laundry in a pile on a stripped mattress. Sasuke viewed squalor as a failure of character. After the deaths of his parents he’d had to keep a massive, empty house all alone. Itachi, the aforementioned brother, had left for prep school rather than live among ghosts, and Sasuke had never forgiven him for deserting him in the wake of the tragedy. In Sasuke’s mind, it fell upon him to upkeep the family image, and in the absence of anyone to check him, he developed not only a tremendous superiority complex but a chip on his shoulder about anyone who’d had it easier than he did. As far as he was concerned, anyone who was unable to keep up with laundry without a doting parent to supervise had no business breathing the same air as him, much less occupying the same lecture hall.
It was in this way that Sasuke found himself in his junior year of university, slogging through his engineering coursework alone in his sparkling single room. He’d long since abandoned the library. Sweet though it was, he was tired of deflecting outgoing students who wanted to compliment him on his jewelry. So. In his room he stayed, getting paler and paler by the day.
There were a few wretched occasions where Sasuke found himself around his classmates by necessity. One was during class. In the bigger lecture halls he didn't have to worry about being bothered, but the smaller ones, especially the mandatory calculus remedial with only five students, posed more of an issue. Another was during labs, where he was expected to work with one or two others. This was the main source of his problems at the moment.
At the beginning of the semester, he had carefully scoped out the biggest slacker in the class – a dumb blonde jock type with terrible fashion sense – and partnered with him, assuming wrongly that he’d be thrilled to have a partner who wanted to do all the work for him. BIG mistake. Instead, he found himself in Naruto Uzumaki’s dorm room explaining why his answers were right for the third time in fifteen minutes.
“Jackass!” shouted Naruto. “Do you keep trying to sabotage my grade on purpose?”
Sasuke winced away from the noise. Naruto seemed to have been born at a 10 and stayed there. “No, dumbass,” he growled, “you can check my math. Oh, wait, you failed the calc test. My bad. You’ll just have to take my word for it.”
Naruto did this thing when he got mad where he took in such a deep breath that it looked like he was trying to blow up like a puffer fish. “Sasuke,” he said lowly, “it shouldn’t require calculus. You figured out what would happen if the rocket lost half its power on one side, but it was supposed to lose half its power across the total area of the engines!”
Sasuke reread the question. “Oh.”
There was the other problem: they actually worked very well together, minus the bickering. Sasuke was great at math. Naruto sucked at it. Sasuke often missed the bigger picture and made things needlessly complicated. Naruto thought that if it seemed too involved, there was probably reason to reconsider the prompt. It was amazing. Sasuke wanted to kill him. Jerk-off. Dickwad.
When Sasuke had initially suggested he just do all the work, Naruto looked affronted. “Dude, I’m not lazy . I’m doing this because I like it.”
“You’re always spaced in class and you ask really stupid questions,” Sasuke pointed out. “You don’t even listen. You play video games in lecture.”
Naruto reddened. “I have ADHD, you dick! I study from the lecture recordings because it’s easier for me!”
“Why even go then?”
“For my attendance !” Naruto had hissed, face as red as his shirt was orange. Sasuke almost punched himself for thinking it was endearing, and instead gave Naruto a once-over (Orange tank-top. Black basketball shorts. Adidas sandals with socks.) and started howling. Naruto’s blush traveled all the way down to his bare shoulders.
“What’s the problem, asshole?” he yelled, drawing glares from the other groups sharing the lab.
“Oh my God, I think I’m going to throw up,” wheezed Sasuke. “You’re very diligent, huh?”
Naruto didn’t seem to know how to react. “Um. Yes? I don’t know. Shut up.”
They made plans to work in the library that weekend. Sasuke made sure to tone down the jewelry, just in case.
Naruto showed up in an orange windbreaker and loose sweatpants that tried valiantly and failed spectacularly to hide a fantastic ass. The socks were the same, but he’d really stepped up his game from the sandals to some truly horrific orange crocs.
“You sure you don’t want me to just do this for you?” asked Sasuke, a little desperate.
Naruto narrowed his eyes. “I told you, I’m not gonna let you fuck up our lab reports!”
Sasuke harrumphed, but pulled out his laptop anyway, determinedly not staring at the stretch of the sweatpants over his partner’s thighs when he sat down. He had to be an athlete of some sort. Not that Sasuke was any slacker, but he was certainly not so wide. Luckily Naruto was a couple inches shorter than him, so he considered them evenly matched.
Ask him to arm wrestle you, shouted a traitorous part of his brain.
Shut up or I’ll lobotomize you, he told it.
That first day Sasuke learned a few things about Naruto. First, he talked very loud, and they would probably have to study elsewhere. Second, he was determined to do well and wanted to understand everything no matter what. Third, he had gone into engineering because his dad (clearly a bit of a sore subject) had gotten the same degree. Fourth, there was nothing Sasuke could say that would scare him off. He got mad, for sure, but Naruto never seemed to take anything to heart, even when Sasuke chewed him out for every mistake he made.
"You're kind of a bastard, huh? Like, your personality sucks really bad," Naruto said, leaning back in his chair and twirling a pencil on his thumb. He looked amused. Sasuke leered back at him.
“Took you long enough to figure it out.”
“Oh, please,” said Naruto. “I had you clocked from the moment I met you.”
He’s flirting with you, said Sasuke’s brain.
Straight guys will do that, Sasuke responded, with a mental kick.
Will they? said his brain.
Week two was when Sasuke realized he was in for a ride.
“Where’re you from?” asked Naruto.
“Manhattan.”
“I’m from upstate. It’s a super small town, you wouldn’t have heard of it.”
“Okay.”
“Are you in any clubs?”
“No.”
“What do you do in your free time?”
“Study.”
“Favorite topping on pizza?”
Sasuke fixed Naruto with the most caustic look he could manage. “Hey. Do you want to get this lab done or what?”
Naruto sighed and leaned so far back in the library chair that Sasuke put a hand out to catch him in case it toppled over. “But Sasukeeeee,” said Naruto, “don’t you want to get to know your lab partner?”
“No. I want to do my lab and go home.”
Naruto laughed. “You’re so lame. I’m serious about the pizza, you know. I get hungry if I’m studying for too long.”
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “Hmm. You must burn a lot of calories just rubbing those three brain cells together, huh?”
“Sasuke, if you were trying to insult me just there, you’ll need to try again, because that didn’t make any sense at all,” Naruto whined.
Sasuke hid a grin behind his hand. “You’re saying you didn’t understand an insult about your intelligence, so you want me to try another one, but to dumb it down so you can understand it?”
Naruto fumed for a good ten minutes until Sasuke caved and ordered them a pizza (half hawaiian, half meat-lovers).
They really made progress on their assignments pretty slowly, but Sasuke found it was both of their faults. Naruto was fun to argue with. They could go back and forth for fifteen minutes before remembering their homework. It was like he’d found his equal. Or his polar opposite. Two sides of the same coin. Asshole. Loser.
So that was him spending time with Naruto every weekend to bang out their labs, plus the actual lab period on Wednesday. To add insult to injury, the same idiot was in the aforementioned calc remedial, and he wasn’t even the worst member. Sakura, a formidable pre-med student, was very persistent at asking him for help with questions he knew she knew how to do, and who without fail would try to make conversation if he got there too early or left too slowly.
“You have to help me,” he hissed at Naruto one weekend. They were taking a study break so Naruto could have his bi-hourly snack (three slices of pizza stacked on top of each other like patties on a burger, jesus fucking christ). “Like, walk in with me and sit next to me and talk to me the whole time!”
Naruto wiped pizza grease off his face with the sleeve of his orange hoodie. Sasuke knocked a fist onto the top of his head for being gross. “She’ll just sit on the other side of you,” said Naruto, unfazed by the blow.
“I’ll sit up against the wall,” muttered Sasuke.
Naruto didn’t talk to him, but he did sit between Sasuke and Sakura. He talked her ear off so prolifically that she couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It seemed to be a real skill of Naruto’s to hold a whole conversation on his own. Sasuke was grateful, but a little pissed. He had sort of been looking forward to talking to Naruto. Fuckhead. Scumbag. On his way back to his dorm, Naruto caught up to him.
“What? No thank you ?”
“Thank you,” said Sasuke, without feeling.
“ I know how you can thank me,” Naruto barrelled on, as if he hadn’t heard him.
“Oh, do tell,” said Sasuke. “I was really struggling for ideas.”
“Come play ping-pong with me at the student center!” said Naruto.
“I hate you,” said Sasuke, whose only real gripe with not having any friends was that he had no one to compete against in a little game every now and then. “Let’s go.”
They were completely evenly matched. Three hours later, sweating, they had to call it a day when the building closed.
“Next time, play me in pool!” said Naruto, arms flailing excitedly. “I’ll kick your ass so bad you’ll be begging me to teach you.”
“Mhm,” said Sasuke, who was furious to find that he was in a better mood than he’d been in for probably a year. “We’ll see.”
Sasuke wasn't in the closet, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to come out to Naruto. It never came up, really. He wondered if Naruto might guess. It didn't seem like it. By all accounts the guy had come from a small town and had never really encountered gay people the way Sasuke did in the city. And it wasn't like Sasuke was wearing the rainbow on the regular. He supposed he could pass for a straight alternative guy, with the piercings and ripped jeans and nail polish. And the idea of Naruto freaking out, throwing out the feared " are you into me ?" frightened Sasuke a good deal more than it might’ve coming from someone else.
How long has it been since I had a friend? Sasuke asked himself as Naruto hemmed and hawed about packing his stuff up. Is that what this is? He wasn't sure he liked it. Or maybe he liked it too much? Naruto had tons of friends. Sasuke saw him walking around quad with them all the time. He must’ve been on a sports team or something.
Naruto finished packing and flopped onto the library’s floor. "Sasukeeeee," he wailed, too loud and too high-pitched. A girl at a nearby table gave him a dirty look. Sasuke gave him a dirty look. "Don't you want to hang out more? We can watch a hockey game or something."
Yes. "No. Fuck out of here, blondie."
Naruto's face flashed with hurt, and Sasuke sighed, a bit too fondly. "It's late, dickhead. I want to go home and lie down."
Naruto sighed and got up slowly. "I know, I know. It's just you're fun, yanno?"
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "You'll see me in remedial tomorrow."
Naruto looked a little miserable still, and Sasuke, uncharacteristically, caved. “Whatever. I’ll walk you to your dorm.”
It turned out they lived in the same building.
“We can have a sleepover!” cheered Naruto.
“I’d literally rather do anything else,” said Sasuke.
The first time Naruto came over to Sasuke’s room to study he made a big show of oohing and ahhing at everything. “I didn’t know you liked purple so much!” he said.
“I wear the same purple hoodie every day,” said Sasuke.
“I thought you just liked Dashboard Confessional,” said Naruto, of the band on the hoodie. “I listened to them, by the way. They’re kind of emo. Like you, I guess. I liked that one song, uh. Vindicated?”
Sasuke blinked slowly. “You listened to a band because it was on my hoodie?”
Naruto scratched his head the way he did when he wasn’t sure if he’d done something awkward and was just waiting to be made fun of. “Um. You wear it every day. So.”
Sasuke resisted the urge to put his head in his hands. He hoped he wasn’t too red. “Um. Well.” He rubbed his nose for something to do with his hands. “I like that song, too.”
When Sasuke went to sleep that night, Naruto’s relieved smile seemed tattooed on the inside of his eyelids.
Things changed slowly. Naruto started sticking around on Sundays even after their work was done. The first time Sasuke put up a fight, of course.
"Why are you still here?" he asked. "Git. I have other homework to do."
"It's raining," said Naruto. "It'd be cruel to kick me out. I don't have an umbrella."
"I know you live in this building, so nice try," said Sasuke.
Naruto still didn't budge. "Can I just hang out while you do your homework? I won't bug you."
There was a troubled look on Naruto's face, and that was what did Sasuke in. He was unused to seeing anything but doofy happiness on him. "Whatever," he said. "Hang out on the bed."
Naruto bounced up, thrilled, and laid down on Sasuke's bed where he spent two hours on his laptop playing what looked like Doom. He left only when Sasuke told him he actually needed to shower and go to bed.
Sasuke found himself lightly sniffing at his bed that night absently. It kind of smelled like generic 3-in-1 wash. When he caught what he was doing he smashed his head into the wall.
As luck would have it, he also ran into Naruto at the gym. More accurately, Naruto accosted him at the gym, which is to say that he materialized in front of Sasuke’s punching bag with a shit-eating grin in the middle of a set. Sasuke jumped a foot in the air.
“Where’d ya learn that, Sa-su-ke?” drawled Naruto.
Sasuke took an earbud out, dodging the swinging punching bag. “Huh?”
Naruto tried again. “What’re you listening to?”
“Bullet for my Valentine,” muttered Sasuke. “Hi. What are you doing here.”
“I didn’t know you knew how to box,” said Naruto, scratching his head. “That’s super cool.”
“I used to teach MMA at a dojo near my house,” said Sasuke, feeling some mixture of pride and embarrassment.
Naruto’s eyes shone. “Sick! I did parkour in high school. They kind of have dojos for that.”
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “Do you still?”
Naruto shrugged. “I mean, if I’m late to class I’ll hop some railings. Um. I’m on the hockey team, so I can’t do much else.”
Sasuke hoped he looked very unaffected, because he seriously thought he might pass out. Well. That explained the thighs. He gave the blonde a once-over, as he liked to. Blue tank, orange basketball shorts, red sneakers. Horrific.
“Hey, do you want to go to the gym together? I’ve got these workouts I’m required to do and I could use a buddy,” blurted Naruto, looking a little nervous.
Sasuke felt a little better, aware now that neither of them had their sea legs in this conversation. “We’re at the gym together right now.”
Naruto grumbled something foul under his breath.
“Yes, dumbshit,” said Sasuke. “I’ll be your gym buddy.” The better to ogle you. “As long as I don’t have to change my schedule too much.”
So that was them seeing each other every other day. And Wednesday. And Sunday. And Monday, for the stupid fucking remedial. And if they missed each other one day, Naruto could usually be counted upon to show up at Sasuke’s door.
“Oh, no,” groaned Sasuke, face-down on his bed. Naruto was sitting on the floor playing League with his laptop in a tank-top with his high-tops on. He had a plug-in mouse he used for particularly strenuous games, and it was clicking away fit to give Sasuke a tension headache.
“What’s ‘oh no?’” asked Naruto, craning his neck to see Sasuke. On screen his little character blew up.
“Are we friends?” said Sasuke. “No, don’t say anything. We’re friends. I made a friend. Oh, fuck me, Itachi’s going to have a field day.” Chrissake. When was the last time Sasuke had even been lonely? When did this creep slither his way into his heart? Jerk-off. Mouthbreather.
“Remember when you used to tell me not to talk to you when we weren’t in lab?” said Naruto, batting his eyelashes. “Have I grown on you, Sas?”
“Don’t call me that.”
It was true, though. Naruto was weird, and hyper, and a little too earnest, and Sasuke found that he was painfully likeable. Which was weird. Naruto was the opposite of Sasuke. He went everywhere in a crowd of people and was widely beloved. Sasuke was always seeing him around campus, playing Frisbee in the quad, launching model airplanes with the flight club, or eating lunch in the grass with teammates. Even so, whenever Naruto spotted Sasuke, his big blue eyes would light up and he'd wave so hard his torso shook. Sasuke would give him a curt nod and look away.
To be honest, Naruto should have been the type of person that really bothered him. Vapid, always surrounded by others. Someone who didn't know what it was like to have to be alone. That familiar resentment filled Sasuke whenever he watched Naruto laughing with his buddies, for sure. Even still, it never quite stuck to Naruto-the-person. He just tried so hard at everything, and Sasuke respected a good hustle. He was also, somehow, comfortable to be around. Especially when it was just the two of them in his dorm room bantering about nothing. If nothing else, it was nice to have someone who could keep up with him at pool. Shithead. Cocksucker.
Fall semester was drawing to a close fast. The next half of the year would be different courses. Naruto and Sasuke often studied late into the night together for their finals. Sasuke wasn't much of an all-nighter guy, but there just seemed like so little time and so much work. Naruto had an even harder time staying up, and decided to take a nap on Sasuke's bed at 2am more often than not. Sasuke watched him during his study breaks. He really was, thought Sasuke, terribly beautiful. From his tousled hair to his little overbite, god help him. If two or more hours passed and he was still out like a light, Sasuke sucked it up and turned the lights off and slept on the ground. The first time it happened Naruto woke up irate and squawking that Sasuke should've woken him up and kicked him out. Sasuke could barely hear him over the alarms blaring in his head.
It'll be okay, thought Sasuke. In a couple weeks we won't have to see each other again. He ignored how his whole body seemed to close in on itself at the thought.
Never mind, thought Sasuke, when Naruto knocked on his door continuously until he let him in. There was no way Sasuke was going to be able to get rid of this guy. "Why are you here," he said. It was winter break, and most everyone had gone home.
"Sasuke!" Naruto yelped, flinging himself at Sasuke, who sidestepped. "You're still here!"
"I'm staying for the break," said Sasuke. “Why’d you come here if you thought I was gone?”
Naruto puffed up. “I was gonna sit outside your door and cry until you came back.”
“Oh, yeah. That’d definitely work on me. You don’t go home to your family?”
Sasuke recognized the expression Naruto made at the question. He’d worn it, too. “Uh, not really,” said Naruto.
Sasuke studied him for a long second. “Yeah. Me neither,” he said.
Naruto seemed to shake off a ghost, then smiled softly and scuffed his foot, uncharacteristically shy. He cleared his throat. “Um, do you want to go get dinner? Dining hall’s closed, but there’s a ramen place I’ve been meaning to try.”
Sasuke felt his face heat up. Not like that, not like that. “I suppose I could suffer your presence for a little while.”
Naruto punched the air, then pestered Sasuke as he wrestled on an extra layer. “That doesn’t look warm enough,” he admonished.
“I run hot.” Sasuke rolled his eyes.
“Ha ha.” Naruto took off his (orange) beanie and fit it over Sasuke’s head. Sasuke hissed and complained, but let him, only batting Naruto off to push back his bangs so they weren’t trapped over his eyes.
The food was okay. Sasuke spent the first half hour vibrating with self-consciousness at how much it felt like a date. Several beers in he felt a little calmer. Naruto was matching him, his gesticulations getting wider and wider as the night went on.
“I just think you’d have fun!” he said, earnest, leaning over the table.
“The day I pay to go to a massive, rah-rah school sports event will be the day I burn in hell,” Sasuke told Naruto, who had not given up for months on getting Sasuke to come to one of his hockey games.
“It’s sooo fun, though!” said Naruto. As he got drunker he controlled his volume less. A woman nearby gave him a look that kind of made Sasuke want to slash her tires. “C’mon. It’d mean a lot to me! I’d play so well!”
“To impress me?” deadpanned Sasuke.
“Yeah!” said Naruto. “I’d be like, I can’t look bad in front of Sasuke! I’d score, like, ten goals!”
He was too much sometimes. Sasuke kept his affection so close to his chest that it may as well have been inside his ribcage, but Naruto seemed not to care whether or not anyone got the wrong idea about the two of them. Or maybe he was just oblivious to how he came across. If Sasuke thought less of him, he might think Naruto was leading him on. He shrugged mentally and ordered another beer. He was sick of pretending to himself that he wasn’t kind of into this idiot. Sasuke was many things. Repressed, yes. Delusional? No.
Naruto leaned into his side on the way back. They both had their hands in their pockets.
“Is it snowing?” asked Naruto.
Sasuke looked up. “Don’t think so.”
“That isn’t a snowflake?” Naruto was pointing unsteadily.
Sasuke smiled at the side of his face. It was close, and red from the cold. He had odd, faint, whisker-like scars on his cheek. “Probably just a star,” he said, not bothering to follow Naruto’s gaze.
A snowflake landed on Naruto’s nose, and he went cross-eyed. “Lying bastard,” he said, finally looking back at Sasuke. His face did an odd thing when their eyes met, like he was surprised at something. He looked between Sasuke’s eyes and his lips a couple times, then broke out in a grin.
Son of a bitch, thought Sasuke.
“You’re smiling!” yelled Naruto, too loud and too close.
“I smile all the time, shit-for-brains,” said Sasuke, trying to wrestle his expression into something cooler.
“No,” said Naruto, eyes tracking like he was trying to memorize Sasuke’s face, “you do not.”
He’s not gay, Sasuke told himself, as he had for the past several months, often many times a day. If he liked guys he would’ve told me already.
You haven’t told him, offered his brain.
Oh, please, he responded. Anyone with half a brain would know by looking at me.
“Can we have a sleepover?” asked Naruto again. “I’ll bring my blankets and pillows and sleep on the floor?”
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ugh. Whatever.”
They spent a couple hours playing Call of Duty until Naruto lost interest and flopped back on the ground, where, true to his word, he’d made a blanket nest. Sasuke did the same, albeit with more grace.
“Naruto.”
“Sasuke.”
Side by side on a blanket that smelled like Naruto and his 3-in-1, staring up at the popcorn texture of the ceiling, warm from the beer and the company, Sasuke felt brave.
“Why’d you decide you wanted to be my friend?”
He heard the shift of Naruto’s hair on the fabric as he turned his head incrementally. Sasuke could feel his gaze on his face. He felt a little empty and a little hopeful.
Naruto made a little harrumphing sound and seemed to consider the question. “I guess I just liked talking to you? And wanted to spend more time with you? I didn’t really think too hard about it. Why?”
“I made it so hard for you, though,” said Sasuke. “I was like, a dick.”
“Sasuke,” said Naruto, “I didn’t think you made it hard at all.”
Sasuke felt his eyes heat up a little.
“What’s this about, dude?” asked Naruto. “I feel like I’m missing something here.”
“You’re the first person I haven’t succeeded at getting rid of,” said Sasuke honestly. “And I’m grateful, don’t get it twisted. I just don’t understand why you put up with it.”
He peeked at Naruto. He was frowning. “I don’t think you really tried that hard to get rid of me,” said Naruto honestly. “Or at least, I didn’t notice it. But I’ve also not noticed when people do seriously want me gone, so. I could be wrong.”
“Naw,” said Sasuke. “You’re probably right.”
“Were you lonely?” asked Naruto.
Sasuke was burning holes into the ceiling. His nails dug into the carpet. “I was doing fine.”
“Were you?”
Sasuke didn’t answer.
“You know,” said Naruto, twisting his fingers over his stomach nervously, “this thing where I have friends is kind of new to me.”
“Hm?” Sasuke was glad for the focus to be away from him.
“I was really awkward. And like, loud and overbearing and a try-hard for a very long time. Not that I still can’t be, but, um, I grew up in foster care, so I was a little dysfunctional. So I’m still surprised when people actually like me. I was awfully lonely for a really long time. It was the worst!” He thumped a foot on the ground. “But now it’s like, I’m good at enough things that people are nice. Especially sports. If you’re good enough at hockey, nobody can bully you. And you’ve got your teammates. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I guess to, uh, answer your question, I ‘put up’ with you being a dick because you weren’t, like, bullying me or making fun of me. You’re just like. Prickly. And you’re actually really great to talk to, and smart, and you’ll play me in ping pong as many times as I want, and you make me laugh a lot. So. I don’t mind that you’re a dick. Just like you don’t mind that I’m a pest. It’s called being friends.”
This was all very hard to hear for Sasuke. His first instinct was to prove Naruto wrong and be as much of a dick as possible, really have a blowout fight, but despite it all, Naruto was special, and it would hurt to hurt him. Even so, Sasuke couldn’t help himself from dropping a bomb on the off-chance that it would break them.
“Dude, you know I’m gay, right? Aren’t you afraid I’ll get the wrong idea?” It came out far more self-hating than Sasuke expected.
Naruto’s head whipped over for real this time. Sasuke continued to stare at the ceiling.
“I. Did not know that,” said Naruto.
Sasuke grunted as Naruto seemed to struggle for words.
“Um. Was I uh, supposed to know? Is this me being clueless?”
Sasuke winced, still avoiding eye contact. “Well. I guess I never told you, but I thought it was obvious.” Lie.
“Wait, wait, wait, back up. What do you mean, the wrong idea?” Naruto was half sitting up at this point. Sasuke still refused to move. His nails were digging into his palms.
“That’s like, the first thing I get when I come out to straight guys,” said Sasuke, bitter. “They’re like, don’t get the wrong idea and try and hit on me. And then they keep a distance like I’ll infect them.”
Naruto blinked. “That’s awful. I mean, also, like, it’d be a little big-headed of me to assume you were trying to hit on me? Like, don’t let this go to your head, but you’re kind of out of my league?”
Sasuke sat up. He felt like he had to make something very clear. “Okay, but say a gay guy did have a thing for you. You wouldn’t be uncomfortable?”
Naruto scratched his head. “I mean, if I don’t like him like that then it’d be awkward because when that stuff is one sided it’s always pretty uncomfortable, and I’d feel bad. But like, isn’t it supposed to be flattering when someone is into you? It doesn’t happen much for me, so I think I’d feel really happy, too.”
Sasuke felt his world rearrange itself.
“You’re… literally so wack,” he managed.
“Whatever, dumbshit,” muttered Naruto. “Wrong idea this, wrong idea that. For someone so stupid you’re sure getting a lot of ideas.”
Sasuke tried to take it as a win. He really did. But a part of him had wanted a different reaction.
Spring classes started. Gone were the days when Sasuke thought they might drift apart. They no longer had their lab together, but they had a lecture together. It was an 8am, which Sasuke often had trouble getting up for. Naruto took to “picking him up” for it (read: banging on his door at 7:50) and eventually Sasuke stopped setting an alarm. He usually just slept in his boxers, and he sort of relished the opportunity to do some peacocking in front of Naruto, like he could turn him gay from the power of sex appeal alone. The first time Naruto came barging in and ripped the covers off of him they’d both almost died of embarrassment and didn’t say a word to each other as Sasuke hustled through getting dressed. As they waited for Sasuke’s coffee at the campus Dunkin’, Naruto finally found the words to say, “That’s a cool tattoo you have.”
“Which one,” grumbled Sasuke, barely awake even after the adrenaline spike from earlier.
“On your back? Of the bird? (“Hawk, dickhead.”) I have one, too.”
Sasuke eyed him. “Of a bird?”
“No. Uh. A fox. But it’s in the same spot.”
Naruto showed it to him later that day at the gym, blushing the whole while. Sasuke didn’t expect it to take up so much of his back. He brushed his fingers along the ripples of Naruto’s traps and enjoyed the way the skin colored under his fingertips.
“This is awesome,” said Sasuke. “But it kind of makes you look like you’re in the yakuza.”
“You have one too!” said Naruto, a little gleeful that they had something in common.
“Mine isn’t this huge. It’s tasteful .”
“Um, get a taste full of deez nuts, jerk,” grumbled Naruto, pulling his shirt down.
Sasuke, ever reckless, decided to push him a little. “I’m gay, remember, so that’s not really the threat you think it is.”
Naruto stalled out. Sasuke put on his headband (no sweaty bangs in the face, thanks!) and kicked him where his ass met his thighs to watch the muscles bounce and recoil. “Let’s go, hetero. We’ve got deadlifts today.”
Naruto ate lunch with his teammates more often than not. Sasuke preferred to go back to his dorm room and take a nap usually, but one day he found himself hungry enough that he skulked into the lunchroom for a nibble. Naruto and four other boys were sitting at a table, talking loudly and excitedly. A blonde girl was sitting next to Naruto. Sasuke looked away determinedly, to no avail.
“Sasuke!” yelled Naruto. Sasuke chanced a look at him and saw that he was standing up and waving, torso shaking characteristically. His teammates were peering over at Sasuke, interested. Sasuke waved and turned back to the buffet bar, deciding not to engage. Not even fifteen seconds later he had his knees kicked out from behind him.
Sasuke jabbed Naruto in the stomach with his elbow. “You know I don’t like it when you do that.”
“Sasuke!” said Naruto, buzzing with excitement. “Come eat lunch with me!”
“I’m literally just going to grab something and go,” said Sasuke, glancing suspiciously over at where Naruto’s teammates were craning their necks to look at them. He didn’t want to guess what they were thinking. Naruto stood so close to him all the time. Sasuke often wondered what it would be like to close the gap. Rest his head on Naruto’s shoulder, press their chests together. Cop a feel or three.
“C’mon, at least let me introduce you to the guys!”
There was nothing Sasuke wanted less than to be introduced to “the guys,” but Naruto had such a hopeful expression on. Whipped, said his brain. Ice pick, threatened Sasuke. He followed Naruto over to the table.
“Guys, this is Sasuke!” Naruto announced proudly, gesturing like he was showing off a large painting.
“Huh,” said one of the guys.
“Nice to put a face to a name,” said another charitably. He seemed not to have eyebrows, which was odd with his firetruck-red hair.
“Naruto talks about you constantly,” said the next. “It’s kind of a drag. I’m sure you’re cool, though.”
“Don’t listen to Shikamaru,” said Naruto, clearly second-guessing his decision to introduce them.
“It’s nonstop,” said a young man wearing what looked like red eye-black. He had a fluffy service dog next to him. “I mean, I kind of see it. You do seem cool.”
“You’ve got to come see a game,” said the first guy. He was pale, with black hair. He and the blonde girl seemed to be playing footsie under the table. “Or else I think he might cry himself to death.”
“You guys are making me look so uncool,” whined Naruto.
“You never look cool,” said Sasuke. “The only time you don’t wear crocs is at the gym.”
“So I look cool at the gym?” asked Naruto, hopeful.
“Naw,” said Sasuke, at the same time as everyone else at the table. Naruto puffed up angrily.
“You guys suck!” he said.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Sasuke excused himself, feeling a bit floaty. Constantly!
Behind him, he overheard Shikamaru say, “You didn’t realize he was gay?” which made Naruto wail.
“Is it so obvious to everyone else?”
Sasuke hid a smile by biting into his riceball.
“Say,” said Naruto one day. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” said Sasuke.
They were lounging around on the grass in the quad between classes. It was one of the first nice spring days of the year, and both of them were desperate to soak up some sun. Naruto had been surprised to hear that Sasuke liked the outdoors so much, which Sasuke supposed was fair considering his complexion. In reality, he loved going camping, and hiking, and even birdwatching (hawkwatching, mostly), although his schedule afforded little time for any of those things.
“What’s it like being gay?” said Naruto.
Sasuke snorted. “Like. In what way? It’s normal, I guess. To me.”
Naruto was lying on his back with his legs propped up against a tree so his body made an ‘L’ shape. “I dunno. You’re the first gay person I ever met. I don’t even think I knew what it was until college.”
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “I’m sure you’ve met others. Maybe they just weren’t out.”
Naruto furrowed his eyebrows. “Huh.”
Sasuke sighed. “I guess it’s just the same for me with guys as it is with girls for you.”
Naruto’s gears seemed to be turning pretty hard. “Have you ever dated a guy?” he asked.
Sasuke shook his head. He was holding his hand out in front of his face to block the sun. Experimentally he opened his fingers to let some of the glare through. He squinted and closed his fingers again. “No. But I’ve, like, slept with a couple.” He paused. “Uh, sorry if that grosses you out.”
Naruto stretched and frowned. “Why would it gross me out? I mean, not that sex isn’t gross in general.”
Sasuke felt like he was treading a fine line here. “Um, I dunno, a lot of straight guys get really up in arms hearing about gay sex.”
“Oh,” said Naruto. “Huh.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” asked Sasuke.
Naruto shook his head. “Naw. I wanted one really bad for a long time, but I never really liked anyone enough? And uh. Same as you, in freshman year I had a couple hookups, but they kind of sucked.”
Sasuke hummed thoughtfully. “Sorry to hear that.”
The hockey team liked to throw parties after their games. Sasuke, to Naruto’s surprise, liked a party, so Naruto didn’t have to wheedle too hard to get him to show. Something about the free booze and drunk guys who’d let you steal their weed. Sasuke was a loner, not a square. And there was something nice about standing out on a porch, vision spinning, dragging on a cigarette while the world rocked by around you. But he’d never gone to a party to hang out. He very rarely spoke to anyone unless he was fully hammered. His first year he’d somehow flirted himself into a bathroom hookup with a goth kid but he’d been too blacked out to remember if it had been any good. The same thing happened on a couple of other occasions with various guys. Sasuke didn’t like sex enough to go out of his way to find hookups, but if dick was just falling into his lap the way it seemed to do at ragers he certainly wasn’t going to say no .
But. Basically, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do when Naruto was at the function. Sasuke opted to show up late and go about his business as usual.
He was halfway through somebody else’s blunt when one of the guys from the cafeteria popped up beside him. Shikamaru, if Sasuke remembered correctly. His eyes were red, but he otherwise looked pretty put-together.
“Yo,” said his assailant.
“Hrm,” said Sasuke.
“Am I killing your vibe?” asked Shikamaru.
“Kinda,” said Sasuke.
“Sorry. I just had to come over, because I have some major questions.”
Sasuke glared at him. “Oh?”
“Are you and Naruto fucking?”
Sasuke almost dropped his dart. “Huh?”
Shikamaru’s eyes sparkled a little. “So no.”
Sasuke didn’t dignify him with a response.
“Sorry, I just had to ask. He’s like, obsessed with you.”
Sasuke raised his eyebrows, the go on implicit.
“It’s so fucking annoying. Sasuke this, Sasuke that. I wonder what Sasuke’s doing right now. Listen to this song Sasuke showed me. Sasuke beat me in pool but I’ll get him next time. Have you guys seen Sasuke, he said he’d be here. Such a drag.” Shikamaru took a drag from his joint so deep it might’ve killed a lesser man and blew it out through his nose. “He’s tearing the house apart trying to find you.”
Sasuke fought a smile, hard.
“I’m just saying,” said Shikamaru. “I bet he’d fuck you if you asked. Or marry you.”
Sasuke sighed and knocked some ash off the porch. “He’s straight.”
Shikamaru rolled his eyes so dramatically that Sasuke worried for his health. “Sure. Dude, he’s from the country. He didn’t even know what gay meant until two years ago.”
Sasuke put his roach down on the railing and twiddled his thumbs.
“Just saying,” said Shikamaru, and breezed off back inside. Sasuke drooped over the railing and put his head on his forearms.
True to form, Naruto found him out there.
“Sasuke!” he howled. Sasuke winced. The guy was in jorts and a snapback. His crocs were covered in what looked like frog gibbets. He had tan lines above his knees where his basketball shorts usually ended. With a herculean effort Sasuke managed not to imagine how he’d look naked.
“Parties are supposed to be social events,” hissed Naruto, trying to drag Sasuke back in to play beer pong.
“Dude, I’m way too high to go in there,” said Sasuke. He found that he wasn’t really lying. He was kind of feeling rattled and anxious from his conversation with Shikamaru. Naruto’s hair was extra fluffy. He smelled like 3-in-1.
“Did you just shower?” asked Sasuke. Naruto had stopped yanking on him but remained in his space, and upon looking down Sasuke found that they were leaning into each other, like magnets with opposite poles.
Naruto flushed a little, staring more at Sasuke’s lips than his eyes. “Uh, I just had a game, so. I didn’t want to smell like sweat.” He swayed a little closer.
Heaven save my miserable gay ass, thought Sasuke, about to do something tremendously stupid. As if to answer his prayer, Naruto jerked away to hack up a phlegmy cough.
“That sounded painful,” said Sasuke, who felt Naruto’s distance like a rush of cold air. Or post-nut clarity. Something like that. He gave himself a little shake and took a full step backward.
Naruto shook his head, still coughing. “I have… exercise induced asthma,” he wheezed. “I get like this after every game.”
Sasuke smiled a little, terrified at himself for almost kissing his straight best friend. Terrified for imagining that his straight best friend might kiss him back. For a second it had really….
Well. But the coughing fit had knocked Sasuke out of his haze. He ruffled Naruto’s hair in silent apology for a transgression he didn’t get far enough to commit. It was as soft as it looked. Naruto, whose cheeks had been losing their redness, flared right back up again.
Sasuke dropped his hand and looked away. “I do think I have to go home and lie down, though. I seriously am a little too high.” Hope was a dangerous thing. It left him feeling nauseous and a bit too brave. He wasn’t sure what he might do if he stayed any longer.
“Can… um. Can I walk you home?” asked Naruto. He, too, looked a little wrong-footed. A little confused and hopeful and nervous.
“Naw,” said Sasuke. Too much was happening. “You stay here and have fun. I gotta get my head in order.”
Naruto looked crestfallen. Sasuke, against his better instincts, hugged him. It was the first time he’d let himself really touch Naruto’s body outside of leaning on each other or messing up his hair. Naruto thrummed with warmth and hugged Sasuke back fiercely.
“I’m sorry,” Sasuke whispered into Naruto’s shoulder. His shirt was sleeveless, and Sasuke pressed his lips into the fabric over his shoulder, the only safe place surrounded by miles of golden skin.
“Don’t be,” said Naruto. He sounded a little choked up. “Walk home safe.”
On the way home, Sasuke allowed himself to consider whether Naruto might actually like him back. He was terrified just thinking it. You’re setting yourself up for a big disappointment. Or to ruin the best thing in your life. Or to make him uncomfortable. Or, or ,or….
Even so, Sasuke had a hard time keeping the smile off his face. He kept seeing the way Naruto’s lips parted as he swayed into Sasuke’s space, blue eyes fixed on his lips.
Hockey season was ending. The last home game of the season was a big one. Conference finals or something. Sasuke told Naruto he wouldn’t be there even though he had already bought his ticket. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t mention it. Part of him just didn’t feel prepared to be faced with the elation and gratitude he knew Naruto would launch at him at the news.
As April drew to a close and the weather got nicer, he and Naruto spent more time outside together. Naruto took Sasuke to a birds of prey sanctuary. Sasuke took Naruto to a hidden pond to catch frogs. Sasuke spent the entire day lying on a picnic blanket watching Naruto dart around through his shades.
“I found a spring peeper!” hollered Naruto, his hands cupped around something. Sasuke sat up a little and gave him a thumbs-up, just devastated by love.
I bet he’d fuck you if you asked, said Shikamaru in his head.
Don’t be a creep , Sasuke told himself.
Sasuke had second-row seats at the game. It was loud, and the group around him was already drunk. Horns kept blaring and a series of elaborate chants were being conducted. The teams lined up across the ice and the starters were introduced. Sasuke didn’t catch Naruto’s name being called, so he must’ve been on the second or third line. Sasuke crept down to stand up against the boards and scanned the rink as the teams warmed up. He spotted Naruto stretching out in a corner, one knee on the ice and one leg extended out to the side. He was leaning on his stick for balance and chatting with another player, whose jersey read GAARA. Sasuke couldn’t see either of their faces from so far away, but he admired the way Naruto filled out his gear. He wasn’t the tallest player on the ice, but he was no waif. He stopped stretching and did a couple of laps around the zone, took a few warm-up shots and skated over to the bench, which was across the ice from Sasuke.
Sasuke didn’t think Naruto would be able to pick him out among the throng pressed up against the glass even if he looked his way, so he let himself ogle as lecherously as he wanted. Naruto whipped his helmet off and drenched his hair and face with water from a bottle, then shook his head. He waved at someone behind the glass behind the bench. Sasuke considered buying an ice water if just to douse himself with it. This was unlike him. Usually he only got horny in public once every three months. Naruto was throwing off his rhythm.
The man in question seemed to be scanning the crowd, a troubled look on his face. He left his helmet on the bench and did a couple more warm-up laps, still peering up into the stadium searchingly. When he was facing Sasuke’s direction, Sasuke chanced an aborted little half-wave, humiliated at himself for even trying. Naruto fucking saw it, of course. Dipshit. Love of his life. He brightened so visibly that Sasuke felt it, even across the ice. He sprinted over to Sasuke, bouncing up against the plexiglass and beaming and beaming and beaming.
“Sasuke!” he yelled. Sasuke could barely hear him over the din and through the glass.
“Hey,” he replied.
“You came,” said Naruto, laughing in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Sasuke knew what he must look like to anyone around him. He couldn’t bring himself to care. “Wouldn’t miss it, dead-last.”
Naruto was taller on his skates. Sasuke wasn’t sure how he felt about having to look up at him, other than distantly turned on.
“I was promised ten goals,” he added. “Better not disappoint.”
The whistle blew, and Naruto looked genuinely distraught to tear himself away from Sasuke. Sasuke tried to memorize the flush of his cheeks, the way his wet hair stuck up.
“I’ll see you after the game?” said Naruto, transparently hopeful, almost disbelieving.
“I’ll be right here,” said Sasuke.
Naruto didn’t score ten goals. He didn’t even score one, and his team lost, but no one would know it by the way he bounced over to Sasuke afterward, massive bag slung over his shoulder and hockey stick in hand.
“Hey,” said Sasuke. The crowds had mostly cleared out, leaving just the stragglers. There were several big post-game parties to get to. “Nice job out there. You were really cool.”
Naruto’s eyes shone. Sasuke worried for a second he might cry. Instead he dropped his bags and jerked forward as if to wrap himself around Sasuke, but he stopped himself at the last second, just barely swaying into Sasuke’s personal space.
“Ah, oops!” said Naruto, grinning and scratching his head sheepishly. “I smell pretty terrible.”
Sasuke chuckled and embraced him. Naruto really did smell pretty bad, but Sasuke just didn’t want to wait to get his hands on him. “You get a pass this once.” He leaned back, hands sliding down to grip Naruto’s elbows. Naruto kept looking between the points of contact and Sasuke’s face. Sasuke had seen that expression on him before. He’d worn it himself.
“I’m sorry you lost,” he offered.
“Whatever,” said Naruto. “ You’re here. I’m so happy.”
Sasuke let go and pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. “You’re too honest. This is why everyone thinks we’re fucking.”
Naruto flushed. “They think what?”
Sasuke laughed with his full body. “Forget it. I’m happy I came, too. I’m happy you’re so excited I’m here.”
Naruto smiled with his whole face. “Hey, Sas, I’m gonna go back to my dorm and shower, and then there’s a party at the hockey house. Do you want to come?”
Sasuke sighed and tried to look put-upon. “Don’t call me that. Fine. If you insist.”
Naruto let Sasuke carry his bag on the way back to the dorm. “You’re tired,” Sasuke said, by way of explanation.
“I’m fine,” Naruto grumbled, but allowed it anyway.
Sasuke laid on Naruto’s bed and watched videos on his phone while Naruto was in the shower. His covers were orange, go figure. His pillow smelled a little like 3-in-1 and a little like oily hair. Sasuke buried his face in it and discarded his phone. He was still lying there prone when Naruto came in, sadly already clothed in a t-shirt and basketball shorts. His blond hair was sticking up in all directions. Sasuke peeked at him.
“Your leg hair is blonde,” he said. “That’s kind of funny.”
Naruto looked like he wasn’t sure whether or not to get defensive. He was doing the thing where his gaze jumped everywhere on Sasuke’s body, taking in his face on the pillow, his socked feet hanging off the bed. He kept lingering on a spot on Sasuke’s side, and when Sasuke reached up self-consciously to make sure nothing was out of order, he realized his hoodie and shirt were riding up above his jeans, exposing a strip of skin.
Fuck it , thought Sasuke. He turned onto his back, not bothering to correct his clothes. He gestured for Naruto to come over.
Naruto looked a little overwhelmed, but padded over and peered down at Sasuke. “Hey,” said Sasuke, reaching up to fix one of Naruto’s eyebrows. Naruto closed his eye and scrunched his nose a little, but let him.
“What’s got into you?” asked Naruto.
Sasuke retracted his hand, then scrubbed it over his face. He was just so tired of this. “Come on , man,” he said. “You have to know.” He peeked over his fingers at Naruto, folding his other arm across his stomach protectively in a vestigial self-soothing motion.
Naruto really, genuinely looked confused. “Um?”
Sasuke wanted to scream. He wasn’t sure what to do with all the love in his body. He thought it might just bust out of him and leave his ribcage splintered. Like in Alien but with more broken bones.
“I don’t know what to do,” he told Naruto, honestly. “If this doesn’t change I’ll explode. But I don’t want to scare you away, because I’ll hate myself.”
Naruto’s brain was clearly working very hard. His eyes skittered from Sasuke’s eyes, to his forehead, where his bangs had fallen away, to his nose, to his lips, to the pillow, to Sasuke’s chest, his exposed stomach, his belt, this thighs, his socks, his eyes again, his lips again, ad infinitum.
Sasuke watched this for a long moment, then sat up abruptly. Naruto had to jerk back to avoid their heads smacking. “Never mind.” Sasuke swung his legs down from the bed and forced a grin. “Put your shoes on, we’ve got a party to go to.”
Naruto was quiet on the way to the function. It was four blocks away, and there was no traffic, so they walked down the middle of the streets, sneakers slapping the pavement. Naruto had elected to wear some actually semi-tasteful black Adidas high-tops. He kept sneaking glances at Sasuke.
Sasuke couldn’t take the uncharacteristic silence. “Just forget it, man,” he snapped, shoulders rising to his ears, arms tense, fists clenched in his pockets. “Please.”
Naruto shook himself out of his thoughts. “O…kay?” he said. “Did I do something wrong?”
Sasuke closed his eyes. “No. I’m sorry. I’m just, uh. Dealing with something.”
Naruto gave him a troubled smile. “Do you… want to talk about it?”
Sasuke shook his head, biting back something cutting. Naruto nodded, a little frustrated line in his eyebrows, but he didn’t push.
When they got to the front door, Naruto was swamped by his teammates, which gave Sasuke an excuse to run off and get earth-shatteringly wasted. Luckily there was also a balcony to escape to, and Sasuke brought a whole handle of whiskey and started working his way through a pack of cigarettes that he kept for special occasions.
“Damn,” said a red-haired girl with glasses, leaning up against the railing next to him. “What’s your damage?”
“Straight boy,” he gritted out, then took another pull out of the bottle.
“Hm,” said the girl. “Been there. Girl, of course. I don’t envy you” She grimaced sympathetically as Sasuke took a long drag on his cigarette and nearly hacked up a lung. Sasuke watched blearily as Naruto emerged on the front lawn, deep in conversation with Shikamaru. It looked pretty heated, he noted distantly. Naruto looked troubled, and seemed to be trying to explain something to an unimpressed Shikamaru.
“That him?” asked the girl, tracking Sasuke’s gaze.
“Blonde one,” Sasuke grunted.
“Huh,” said the girl. “I mean, I don’t get it, but you guys do kind of match.”
Sasuke took another swig of whiskey. It burned bad enough that his eyes watered. Shikamaru was leaning into Naruto’s space, mouth moving urgently. It seemed like a very serious conversation. Naruto was listening intently, face moving through what seemed like an expression every second. Disbelief. Frustration. Indignation. Shock. Defensiveness. Confusion. Realization. Horror. Sheepishness. Determination. Shikamaru slapped him upside the head, kicked him in the ass and waved him away. Naruto darted back inside the house, leaving Sasuke to watch Shikamaru light the world’s thickest blunt. Actually, it might have been a cigar.
“Are you okay? You don’t look so good,” said the girl.
“I might puke,” said Sasuke. With as much grace as he could, he wobbled back inside and into the bathroom, locked the door and spent somewhere between five and fifteen minutes being violently ill. He hoped he wasn’t keeping anyone too long. After he felt sufficiently less nauseous, he made a complete mess of the cupboards looking for mouthwash, and when he found some he accidentally swallowed enough that he had to puke again. The second time he steeled himself and got it right. His tongue felt odd in his mouth. He watched the tap water wash his spit down the drain as if from both miles away and a millimeter away at once. “I love him,” he told the drain. “Just in case you were – in – if you were wondering.” He staggered out of the bathroom, playing the “I wonder how sober I can act” game, went back to the balcony, finished off the whiskey, lit another cigarette, and sat down against the railing. He crossed his eyes to watch his cigarette burn down, vaguely aware that he was ashing all over his Dashboard hoodie. He must’ve passed out there, because when he came to he was being piggybacked by none other than the cause of his torment.
“Hi,” he said into Naruto’s shoulder.
“He lives,” grunted Naruto. There was a lot of Sasuke, body-wise, to sling across his back, and he clearly was feeling it, strong though he was.
“Pumme down,” slurred Sasuke. “I can walk.”
“Like hell,” grumbled Naruto. “I can’t believe you. I let you out of my sight for five minutes–”
“Sorry,” mumbled Sasuke, mouthing at Naruto’s shirt. He snuffled a little, trying to catch the familiar scent of soap.
Naruto sighed. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Fuck, Sas, I’ve been such a dumbass.”
Sasuke chuckled blearily. “This’s news? To you?”
Naruto huffed fondly.
“Hey, Naruto,” said Sasuke.
“Hm?”
“I really am. Sorry, I mean.”
“Sasuke, please. You really, really have nothing to be sorry for.” Naruto sounded pained.
“You seriously don’t get it at allllll,” Sasuke complained, tossing his head back. Naruto quickly readjusted. Sasuke felt his whole body heat up. He hadn’t realized that Naruto was gripping his thighs.
“Sasuke,” warned Naruto. “Let’s have this conversation tomorrow, okay? I think I’ve got some stuff to say to you.”
Sasuke, emboldened and barely conscious, snaked a hand under Naruto’s collar. He felt a rush of triumph as Naruto’s breath seemed to halt. He dragged a nail along the line of his collarbone.
“What were you talkin’ to Shikamaru ‘bout?” Sasuke said, returning his head to Naruto’s shoulder. If he leaned forward at the right angle, his nose could brush Naruto’s cheek. “Looked serious.” He stuck out his tongue enough to just barely touch Naruto’s ear.
“Sasukeeeee,” Naruto wailed, grimacing away.
Sasuke winced and bit the meat of Naruto’s shoulder, hard. “Too loud.”
Naruto swallowed down a noise and clammed up. Sasuke’s world was spinning too much to hold a conversation any longer, so he let himself relax into the warmth of Naruto’s back, the steady rocking of his gait. I love you, I love you, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone like this. He peeked up at Naruto’s ear, which had been the same shade of red since he’d awakened, the scars on his cheek, the determined set of his chin, his furrowed brows, his stubborn little overbite. Sasuke felt like his chest was going to crack open. He screwed his eyes shut and shoved his face into the curve of Naruto’s neck, eyes burning, teeth gritted.
“I’m in love with you,” he whispered into the same spot he’d bitten, unable to contain it a second longer. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Naruto made a tortured little noise but stayed quiet. He turned his head so that his cheek rested on Sasuke’s brow. Sasuke felt the ghost of a kiss on his eyelid as he dropped back out of consciousness.
Sasuke woke up at 5am and went straight into damage control. He fell out of bed, slammed four advil that had been considerately left on his bedside table next to a glass of water, and bolted out of his room to brush his teeth. He looked like shit. Pale, with eyebags like bruises. He was still wearing his clothes from last night. His chest hurt to picture Naruto dropping him off to bed, removing only his shoes and tucking him in. He didn’t remember much. He remembered being on Naruto’s back. Watching Naruto and Shikamaru. The mouthwash. He’d said something stupid, he knew, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what. Words weren’t coming to him, just sensations. He felt Naruto’s hands on his thighs, a kiss on his eyelid. Naruto’s collarbone under his finger. He was vaguely aware that he had fucked up in a big way, but he didn’t feel alert enough to delve into it.
Sasuke took a quick, scalding shower, realized that he didn’t bring a towel and angrily threw back on his dirty clothes from the night before. Back in his room, he was halfway through picking out the most comfortable outfit he could when he noticed that Naruto had made himself one of his blanket nests on the floor. He was watching Sasuke over a pillow, only his nervous blue eyes visible. Sasuke gave him his worst glare and returned to the shower to wash off any residual dirt and change into sweatpants and a soft long-sleeve. When he came back, Naruto was sitting up, looking like he wanted to say something.
“Don’t talk to me,” said Sasuke. He fished around under his bed for a water bottle and chugged the whole thing, then crawled under his covers and passed out again.
The next time Sasuke woke up was at noon. This time he remembered exactly what he’d confessed.
“I want to die,” he moaned into his pillow. He sat up abruptly, chugged another bottle of water, then flopped right back down.
“Huh?” The top of Naruto’s blonde head poked up above the edge of his bed. He’d clearly also showered and changed, and was now wearing sweatpants that had been cut into shorts and a tank-top. Sasuke zeroed in on the bruise on his shoulder and turned into his pillow to muffle a scream. He took a deep breath, composed himself, and sat up again.
“I am so, so sorry,” he told Naruto, after his head stopped spinning. “Seriously. I promise we can just ignore it and go back to being friends like normal. I get it if you can’t, and honestly I wouldn’t forgive myself, but I don’t want to lose you, and –” he cut himself off and looked at Naruto pleadingly, pissed at himself. “This is so lame,” he muttered. He flopped back down again, burying himself in the covers and pulling his pillow over his head.
“Hey,” said Naruto. “Sasuke. Can I come up there?”
“Does it matter?” Sasuke gritted out into his mattress. He felt the bed dip as Naruto levered himself up. Sasuke wedged himself against the wall, either to escape from Naruto or to let Naruto stay as far away from him as he wanted. Sasuke felt his heart break and break and break.
Naruto pulled the covers and pillow off of Sasuke, exposing everything but his feet. Sasuke shivered and folded his arms under his face so he could hide in them.
“Sasuke,” said Naruto lowly. Sasuke felt a hand pinch his shirt and fidget with it. “Lookit me?”
Sasuke could guess what Naruto would see if he looked up. He was totally wrecked, eyes red, face pale but flushed, dark undereye bags, and he was pretty sure he had the start of a pimple on his forehead. He peeked with just one eye. Naruto was kneeling there, one hand fisted in Sasuke’s shirt and one playing with the hem of his own shorts. Sasuke searched his face and deflated. Naruto looked like he was mustering up his courage, ears burning. This was not the facial expression of someone who was going to rip Sasuke to shreds.
He shifted to his side. Okay, he thought. Here’s my heart. I trust you. He kept a hand curled over his stomach, but reached out with the other to play with the hem of Naruto’s shorts, copying him. Their fidgeting fingers touched and stilled.
“Sasuke,” said Naruto seriously, after a deep breath. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to sort myself out. This is all really new to me. But I like you, too. Honestly. I’m so, so stupid about you. Everyone fucking knows, yanno. I’m sure on some level you knew, even. I’m so happy you’ve stuck with me this long when I was so clueless.”
Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to look at Naruto’s face. Instead he focused on where Naruto was slipping his hand over Sasuke’s on his thigh, pressing his thumb into Sasuke’s palm and massaging.
“It must’ve been tough for you, huh?” said Naruto. “Shikamaru told me. I guess I just thought this was how everyone felt around a best friend. You’ve been awfully patient. I’m surprised you didn’t hit me.”
“Mh,” said Sasuke. He was having trouble thinking. He wanted to blame it on the hangover, but it was probably just the relief making him loopy.
“Sasuke?” asked Naruto, nervous after saying so much. Sasuke swallowed a few times, throat dry.
“Are you sure,” he said finally, voice coming out hoarse.
Naruto glanced over at him and cracked a nervous smile. “So sure, Sasuke. So fucking sure.” He scrubbed his free hand through his hair, then looked Sasuke in the eyes, serious as a heart attack. “I seriously really like you so much it makes me look stupid. Okay?”
Sasuke dropped his gaze and turned into the arm he had tucked under his head like a makeshift pillow, completely overwhelmed. “That’s a low bar,” he managed. “You look stupid all the time.”
Naruto was briefly stunned speechless. “Dickhead,” he breathed, disbelieving. Sasuke could feel his gaze on the back of his neck. He could feel himself blushing there.
“It’s fine. That’s how I like you. The dumber the better. Like I said before,” he said into his forearms, determined not to show his face. He wasn’t sure what expression he was making, but he was sure it was extremely heart-eyed and uncool.
Naruto’s answering laugh was deep and relieved. He leaned over Sasuke, tugging at his ear. “Hey. Stop hiding,” he said. Sasuke turned further into the bed, helpless with joy. Naruto wedged one of his knees between Sasuke and the wall and pushed at his shoulders to try to expose his face.
“C’mon,” said Naruto, laughing as Sasuke tried to contain his embarrassment. “Please?” He sat back on Sasuke’s hip, which was uncomfortable enough that Sasuke groaned and flipped onto his back, defeated, lips sucked between his teeth. Naruto was glowing, all sharp teeth and blue eyes and floppy hair. Sasuke gave up on trying to control his facial expression.
“God, fine. Fine. Happy?” he hissed, resting his hands on Naruto’s hips because he could.
Naruto’s eyes were doing the thing again. Sasuke resisted the urge to put a hand over his face and his stomach. Naruto, thankfully, looked just as stupefied with happiness as Sasuke felt. He reached out and touched Sasuke’s cheekbone with his first two fingers, rested his rough thumb on the corner of Sasuke’s lower lip. Three points of contact.
“You know, Sasuke, you’re real handsome when you smile,” said Naruto.
“Oh, go die,” said Sasuke. He felt his skin flush all the way from his hairline down to his sternum, this time less from embarrassment than from arousal. Either way, Naruto looked stricken, his eyes jumping from Sasuke’s eyes to his lips to his neck.
“You’re such a bastard,” Naruto wheezed out, breathless and grinning, leaning over and bracing his free hand beside Sasuke’s head. “Would it kill you to be nice to me for once?”
“Dunno,” said Sasuke, stretching his arms leisurely up around Naruto’s neck. “Not risking it.” His hands were still shaking a little, he noted distantly. He closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into Naruto’s hand on his face a little, grounding himself. “So you like me?” he asked once he felt more collected, grinning, half-opening his eyes. He wrapped a hand around where Naruto’s hair petered out into soft fluff, relishing in how much skin he could cover. Naruto wasn’t skinny, but Sasuke had big hands.
Naruto swallowed. Sasuke could feel the movement under his palm. “Were you even listening? I think I said it, like three times.”
“Maybe. Ever kissed a guy before?” Sasuke murmured, laser-focused on the way Naruto worried his bottom lip with his teeth. He hoped his smile wasn’t too predatory.
“You know I haven’t,” said Naruto, eyes wide. The puppy-dog grin was gone. He was cracked open with want. Sasuke felt something not dissimilar to bloodlust.
“Hmm.” Sasuke pulled him down.
Naruto made a sound into Sasuke’s mouth like he was choking down a whimper. His lips were warm. Sasuke couldn’t get enough of the taste of him, just a little bitter, lips soft. He ran his tongue across Naruto’s teeth, feeling his incisors. Naruto seemed to sigh into his mouth, opening up enough for Sasuke to slip him some tongue. He braced his whole forearm next to Sasuke’s head, sliding a hand into Sasuke’s hair, thumb still tracing near where their lips met.
Sasuke broke away just enough to suck in a couple of breaths, thrumming with energy. He peeked an eye open. Naruto’s eyes were wide and locked on Sasuke’s wet lips.
“Hey,” said Sasuke.
Naruto’s eyelashes – blonde, just like everything else – flicked as they made eye contact. He smiled, a little unsteady. “Um,” he said. “So. I think I might be gay.”
Sasuke couldn’t believe the nerve of him. “I’m going to kill you, dead-last,” he said, dropping his arms out to the side, letting go. “Oh my God, way to ruin a moment. Here I was thinking of letting you get to third.”
Naruto chuckled, deflating, giving Sasuke’s lip one last pass with his thumb before removing his hand. He lowered himself, slowly, to lie atop Sasuke, burying his face in the sheets next to black hair. Sasuke reached a hand up to play with the blonde fluff at the base of his skull, just bursting with happiness. A part of him had thought Naruto would change his mind, but if the hardness growing against his thigh was to be trusted, he had nothing to worry about. He snuck a hand under Naruto’s tank possessively, pressing at the vertebrae of his lower back.
“Sorry I bit you yesterday,” he said, examining the bruise, now at his eye-level, with a certain amount of pride.
“You better be,” said Naruto. “I almost jizzed my pants.”
“Hmm,” hummed Sasuke, closing his lips over it. He drew his tongue over the purpling skin, then detached to blow on it. Naruto shivered with his whole body.
“What, um, what are you doing?” Naruto asked, hand flexing in Sasuke’s hair.
“Giving you a hickey,” said Sasuke into the skin, a little annoyed to be interrupted. He moved to a spot further up Naruto’s neck, bit down and grinned around the skin when Naruto choked on a curse and clutched at the back of his shoulder. He pouted a bit lecherously when Naruto pushed himself up out of his reach. “Oh?”
Naruto was firetruck red down to his biceps. “You’re different in bed,” he accused.
“Sorry,” said Sasuke, not sorry at all. “I’ve liked you so long and my personality sucks. I’m gonna be a little awful.”
Naruto glowered, sitting up fully on Sasuke’s thighs and crossing his arms. Sasuke admired the way his forearms flexed. “Um, I’ve liked you longer, I bet.”
“Hmm.” Sasuke ran a hand up Naruto’s thigh, then pressed his thumb into the crease of where his leg met his hip. “That so.”
“You’re really not listening to me at all,” breathed Naruto, disbelieving.
“Not really,” agreed Sasuke. He dipped his index finger into the waistband of the shorts. “Can I go down on you?”
“Holy shit,” said Naruto. “Can you take me out to dinner first, you animal?”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “So no?”
Naruto clearly fought and lost a battle with himself. “Ugh. Okay. I guess I took a shower earlier.”
Sasuke nudged him until their positions were swapped, with him now sprawled between Naruto’s legs. “You’re worried about a shower?”
Naruto grimaced. “Well. If you’re gonna put my dick in your mouth I kind of want to make sure everything’s in order.”
“Oh, it’s in order all right,” said Sasuke, palming Naruto through his shorts. Naruto shifted to help tug his shorts and boxers down. Sasuke swallowed down a rush of saliva and said a little prayer. Thank you whoever’s out there for making me gay and presenting me with this cock. I promise I will not waste a single drop of cum, amen.
“You’re awfully, uh, focused,” said Naruto. “I kinda expected you to make a comment about the curtains matching the drapes.”
Sasuke spat in his palm. “Quit yapping. I’m having a moment here.”
Sasuke was no professional, but he knew how to give head. Naruto lasted much longer than he thought he would, all things considered. Nerves, probably. It was a little odd, Sasuke thought, to be doing this with Naruto. Sasuke chanced a glance up at him once, his nose buried in the blonde hair at the base of his dick, and nearly came in his pants at the reverence in Naruto’s gaze, the way his lips parted as he reached out to thumb at the corner of Sasuke’s eye. No one had ever touched him like that before. Sasuke tried to hide behind his bangs, suddenly self-conscious, but Naruto pushed them back gently. All Sasuke could do was screw his eyes shut and try not to peek. Naruto seemed to understand, because he didn’t force Sasuke to look at him again. He just smoothed a thumb across Sasuke’s eyebrow every so often. Sasuke squeezed Naruto’s thigh, grateful and a little emotionally raw. Naruto traced a finger around where Sasuke’s lips were stretched around his cock.
“Sasuke, you….” Naruto couldn’t seem to find the words. His voice was wrecked. Sasuke felt his whole body go up in flames. He rutted into the bed beneath him, no longer lucid enough to be embarrassed. With an obscene sound he pulled off and traced the tip of Naruto’s cock around his lips, eyes blazing, challenging Naruto to hang on, and Naruto came with a bitten-off curse all over his face.
“Dude,” said Sasuke, screwing an eye shut and wiping at it. “Some warning? I literally promised the powers that be that I wouldn’t waste any and you’re making a liar out of me.”
“You’re insane,” said Naruto. He braced his elbows on the mattress behind him and dropped his head back. His chest was heaving. Sasuke wished he had asked him to take his shirt off before he got started. He wanted to know how low that flush went. “You’re literally insane. You were using my pre-cum as lip gloss. You expect way too much from me.”
Sasuke licked spunk off of his fingers and worked his jaw to make sure everything was in working order. “Wow. That was amazing. I feel like my whole brain got rearranged. We’ve gotta do this again.”
Naruto looked completely incredulous. “That’s my line. Did you even get off? Do you want, er…..”
Sasuke looked elsewhere, a little sheepish. He’d rutted himself into an orgasm on the bed at the end. “Um.”
“ Sasuke,” breathed Naruto, grinning wildly. “You’re so dirty.”
Sasuke chuckled. “Fuck off. I was super turned on.” He eyed Naruto, feeling a little guilty now that he wasn’t out of his mind with lust. “I wasn’t too pushy, was I? You seemed a little scared.”
Naruto licked his thumb and reached over to give Sasuke’s undereye a wipe. “I mean, I was nervous, but I was really into it. I’d never be scared with you, yanno? It was just new, and I like you so much, and I wanted it to be good for you.”
Sasuke blinked rapidly. “You are such a loser ,” he said, in lieu of something embarrassing like “You’re the truest friend I’ve ever had and I feel like I’ve loved you through a thousand lifetimes.”
Naruto seemed to understand, though, because he grabbed Sasuke around the waist and yanked him down on top of him. “I like you so, so much, Sasuke,” he sang into Sasuke’s shoulder, gleeful. “You’re the coolest, and the best, and I want to be with you all the time. Go out with me?”
“You’re embarrassing me,” grumbled Sasuke. “I need another shower.”
They showered together. Naruto, clingier than Sasuke had ever thought possible, held him under the spray, tucked his head into Sasuke’s neck, toweled him off when they got out, kissed him while he was trying to get dressed.
“C’mon,” he said, back in bed with Sasuke’s head on his chest. “I’m serious. Go out with me, Sasuke.” He twirled a lock of Sasuke’s bangs, pressed a thumb into his hipbone.
Sasuke traced a pattern over Naruto’s stomach, hid a smile in the divot between his pectorals. “Sure. Whatever. Like I could ever say no to you.”