Chapter Text
Buck moved around the kitchen with ease.
He felt like he was in his element. He was even good at it. Mr. Martin, his boss, congratulated himself on having hired him each time a customer pointed out the taste quality of his cooking.
Buck looked out the window and admired the waves of the Pacific.
He loved the ocean. He had just discovered life by the sea and he loved it. The colors, the smells, the sound of the waves, the feeling of the water on his skin.
He had a sense of freedom.
It was the beginning of May and it was already hot. The sky offered a myriad of hues of blue throughout the day.
It was wonderful.
His gaze was caught by the cry of a seagull circling nearby. His boss hated them. He said their cries were sinister and their droppings were corrosive.
But Buck loved them.
They were synonymous with freedom. He envied them somewhere. He, too, wished he could spread his wings and go far out to sea, worrying about nothing but the wind in his face.
If only.
He passed the top of his wrist over his forehead to wipe away the sweat. This kitchen was suffocating.
He jumped slightly when someone tapped him on the shoulder and turned to see Ali, Mr. Martin's daughter, giving him a bright smile.
Buck replied uncomfortably.
Ali was a young woman of twenty-two. She sported dark hair and hazel eyes. She was nice but Buck shunned her. He had understood that she found him to her liking.
But he wasn't interested.
“Hi Buck.” she said in a cheerful voice. “What's new?”
“Not much.” he admitted. “It's the rush today.”
“The good weather always brings people.” she agreed. “Are you preparing a plate for me?”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Surprise me!”
She smiled impishly at him and turned on her heels to walk back into the room. She had a lot of ideas.
She was pretty but not his style at all and he sighed.
“She still doesn't get it, does she?” inquired his colleague, Luis.
Luis was his second.
Buck liked him, he was nice and wanted him to fit in with them. He wanted him to stay and even though he was far from a friend, Buck knew he could count on him. He was short, had very short hair, and had hundreds of tattoos. He was the kind of man Buck wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley and yet Luis was gentle as a lamb and very protective of those he loved.
“That you're gay, I mean.” he insisted.
“How do you know?” Buck jumped.
“I know, that's all. Don't worry, she'll figure it out and move on.”
“I hope I don't lose my job in the process.” he sighed.
“The boss has seen his turnover increase since your arrival.” he laughs. “No way it's going to happen to you. Besides, you should ask him for a bonus, sure he would pay it to you.”
Buck just shrugged. His salary was enough for him to live on. He had been working here for a little over a month.
Mr. Martin had found him leaning against the shed where he was trying to rest. He had asked him if he was looking for something and Buck had admitted that he wouldn't have spat on a job.
Instead of firing him, Mr. Martin had asked him if he knew how to cook.
Buck had taken a test that afternoon and had been hired on the spot, not without being allowed to eat what he had cooked. He would have wept with joy.
He hadn't eaten anything for two days.
He had started the next day and since then he was living again. It wasn't the job of the century but it had put a roof over his head and something to eat on his plate.
And above all, he could work, do something with his hands and derive satisfaction from it.
For the first time in his life, he felt whole.
“We'll all meet tonight around a fire on the beach.” Luis said. “You come with us?”
“No, sorry, I don't think I can.”
“We're just going to eat, drink and have fun, it will be fun.”
“Yeah, but I'm exhausted. I think I'll rather crash into my bed and sleep for a hundred years.”
“Watch out, man.” he blurted, pointing his index finger at him. “You’ll become antisocial and end up alone with a myriad of cats.”
Buck just shrugged and put Ali's plate on the counter.
Perhaps this idea would not displease him.
Mr. Martin's restaurant wasn’t very big, but it was still pleasant and enjoyed an excellent reputation.
Since he was there, Buck had been able to notice that the room was full every day but for a week, his boss had to refuse people. However, the terrace was open but this weather always brought more people, and disappointed customers left with a reservation for the next day.
Buck was eager to finish his shift.
Then he would go for a walk on the pier, soak up the warmth of the sun and maybe watch the sunset before heading home.
Working only on lunchtime services, he did this every evening. At this rate, it would quickly take colors. Her hair was already starting to thin out. They had grown back nicely since he had shaved his head a few months before.
He was beginning to find himself.
Buck was tempted to join the team on the beach tonight, just so he could eat for free. He might have had a steady job and it made him happy, but it didn't pay very well, and he couldn't afford more than one meal a day, mostly starch.
He knew he had lost a lot of weight and Luis had noticed it, because he always slipped him some leftovers before he left.
Buck was embarrassed but Luis wouldn't let him refuse and Mr. Martin himself had given him a basket of vegetables that would have ended up in the trash if he hadn't taken it.
Buck was grateful to them and he measured his luck to have been so quickly accepted in this team. Even if he didn't open up about his past, everyone loved him like a new friend, a full member of their family.
He thought bitterly, that he must seem quite pathetic to them.
In the end, he didn't care. This job was very temporary. He couldn't afford to stay in one place for too long. He had to come to his senses and think about what he wanted to do next.
What would be his next step?
Buck didn't have a clear idea about it yet and he hoped he would know what to do when he had to leave.
The end of his shift came quickly and Buck lingered to help clean up. Then he left his post and walked on the beach for over an hour.
He dreamed of adventures and stories of pirates. He hadn't really had a childhood. He had been small yes, but his carelessness, his innocence, had been undermined by bad parents.
He was not born well.
He crossed the path of a young couple of lovers who were walking hand in hand, casting glances full of desire and tenderness.
Despite himself, his thumb looked for the ring on his finger, but couldn't find it. He had left her behind, along with his painful past. He hated himself for being so desperate to believe it.
He was only looking for a little love and the disillusion had been so violent. Love didn’t exist.
In any case, not for him.