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Seonghwa remembered the first time the blooms had fallen past his lips.
Hongjoong had shown up to his apartment for a movie night with a new man and introduced him as his boyfriend. While the rest of the group celebrated and asked the new couple questions Seonghwa had slipped off to the bathroom and knelt by the toilet so sure he was going to throw up. The bile never came, but a coughing fit did. A flurry of soft purple petals, bellflowers, he’d later learn, fell from his mouth, and floated on the top of the toilet water delicately.
Hanahaki disease.
It was a rare disease, hardly taught in medical school, and spoken about like it was a myth. When Seonghwa was younger he remembered seeing a neighbor cough up flowers in her back yard. They were beautiful blue things and she cried as she tucked them into her braided hair.
Three weeks later an ambulance took her away, and Seonghwa never saw her again.
Hanahaki was a wasting disease caused by longing, and for Seonghwa it was a longing he didn’t know that he even had. Hongjoong had always be there, he was the center of their friend group, he was their rock, but that’s all he was to Seonghwa. Sure, Seonghwa found him attractive, and yes, he looked a little too long sometimes. In his defense it was hard not to. Sometimes the light would be just right and Seonghwa swore no man had ever been as beautiful as Kim Hongjoong.
That wasn’t love though, lust wasn’t a romantic feeling.
After a useless wipe over his mouth with a ball of toilet paper Seonghwa flushed the flowers down the drain and walked back out to his friends.
“Everything okay?” Yeosang asked.
“Fine,” Seonghwa waved his hand in front of his face. “Omega stuff.”
“That’s a terrible excuse for anything,” Jongho interjected. “Imagine if I just said alpha stuff any time something was wrong.”
“Somethings wrong?”
That was Hongjoong, it was always Hongjoong.
“No,” Seonghwa said firmly. “I just felt like I was going to be sick, and now I’m fine.”
“That sounds like omega stuff,” Mingi said from across the room where he was seated with Yunho.
“Don’t say that,” Yunho shoved at him. “It’s inconsiderate.”
Seonghwa let out a frustrated sigh and felt a now familiar tickle in his throat. He swallowed the cough back down and when he looked up again Wooyoung was looking at him like he knew all of Seonghwa’s secrets.
“I said I’m fine,” Seonghwa repeated more firmly and shook his head. “We should focus on our new friend, not me. What was your name again?”
“Hyunwoo,” the small man replied.
Seonghwa already hated him. While Hongjoong wasn’t a typical alpha in stature his new boyfriend, was an idea omega. Hyunwoo was short with a soft round face to go with his softer body. He was perfect for mating even if male omega’s couldn’t give birth.
Seonghwa was too tall, too broad, and too angular for an omega, but not enough of those things to be an ideal alpha either. It hadn’t really ever bothered him, and most of his friends didn’t fit into the ideal types for their subgender but they were all beautiful in their own ways.
There was another scratch in his throat when Seonghwa looked over to see Hyunwoo sitting on Hongjoong’s lap. Seonghwa was surrounded by couples. Suddenly the scratch became an itch and Seonghwa covered his mouth as he let out a dry cough. He held the flowers in his mouth and made his way to the kitchen where he grabbed a disposable cup and spit every single small lantana blossom into it.
It was cruel how beautiful the disease could be.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Seonghwa jumped at the sound of Wooyoung’s voice.
“Fine,” Seonghwa threw the cup away quickly. “It’s just been a long day and I wasn’t expecting to have to meet a new person.”
“That’s all?” Wooyoung pressed.
“Yes,” Seonghwa nearly yelled. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Because you like Hongjoong.”
There it was, plainly said, perfectly worded. Why would he be fine if he liked Hongjoong? He was likely never going to be fine again if the flowers filling up his throat had any say. Hanahaki normally killed, unrequited feelings were always just that. They weren’t meant to be returned. Maybe he’d just grow out of his feelings, maybe someone else would come along and sweep him off his feet.
“I don’t,” Seonghwa shook his head. “Why wouldn’t I be happy that he has a nice little omega.”
“Okay fine,” Wooyoung waved his hand. “I’m going back to San, you keep your feelings to yourself like you always do.”
“It’s not that serious,” Seonghwa sighed.
“I just care, and you never let me in,” Wooyoung whined. “Aren’t we friends?”
“Don’t be like that,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “You just want to gossip.”
“I bet you’d tell Yeosang,” Wooyoung whined more.
“He’s a better behaved omega than you are,” Seonghwa said back in a teasing tone.
“There’s only three of us, you should be nice to me,” Wooyoung crossed his arms over his chest.
“Four now,” Seonghwa shook his head.
“Four for now,” Wooyoung corrected. “There’s no way that they’re going to last.”
Seonghwa let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m not gossiping.”
“Fine,” Wooyoung finally gave up and walked back to the doorway of the kitchen. “Sannie will gossip with me later.”
“It better not be about me,” Seonghwa yelled after him.
“It would never be about you,” Wooyoung blew him a kiss and disappeared back into the living room.
The rest of the night went simply. The flowers didn’t come, and Seonghwa successfully avoided Hongjoong and his new boyfriend. When it came time to say goodbye to everyone Hongjoong stayed back and Seonghwa felt his stomach curl. This time it was just the normal run of the mill wave of acidic panic that he had expected the first time. Seonghwa watched as Hongjoong sent Hyunwoo to the car ahead of him.
“What’s up?” Seonghwa asked.
It was better to just get it done with, waiting would be worse.
“Do you hate him?” Hongjoong asked directly.
“I don’t know him enough to like him or hate him,” Seonghwa shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“It does,” Hongjoong’s face scrunched up into confusion before it dropped back down to its normal passive state.
“I don’t think you need my approval,” Seonghwa managed to say before he turned away from Hongjoong.
He could feel his breathing get labored the more they talked. Everything with Hongjoong was going to be about his omega now, and Seonghwa was just going to have to get used to it.
“Your opinion is the only one that matters to me,” Hongjoong countered. “So, it does matter.”
“He seems like a good omega,” Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong. “Like I said I don’t know him.”
"It doesn’t sound like you want to get to know him,” Hongjoong sighed.
“I don’t, I have enough friends,” Seonghwa shook his head.
“That seems harsh,” Hongjoong shook his head. “We can’t all date inside the pack.”
“I guess someone had to be the odd man out,” Seonghwa shrugged. “I’ll get used to it, don’t worry.”
“I don’t want you to feel awkward,” Hongjoong sighed.
“You came to my house with a strange omega without telling me and just announced that you’re dating them,” Seonghwa did his best to keep his voice even. “Awkward was the only option.”
“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong grabbed for Seonghwa’s hand and Seonghwa let it happen.
He shouldn’t have.
“You don’t need to be sorry,” Seonghwa coughed and caught the petals between his back teeth. They tasted bitter in a way he hadn’t ever experienced before. It made sense though, he was bitter too.
“I do, you’re hurt,” Hongjoong squeezed his hand.
“It’s fine,” Seonghwa spoke through his teeth. “I promise. I’ll get used to being the odd man out, it shouldn’t even bother me it’s silly that it does.”
“Is it?” Hongjoong tilted his head to the side and pulled Seonghwa closer to him.
They were chest to chest and Seonghwa swore he felt the vines in his own chest twist around his organs violently.
“You’re acting like you want me to say I’m annoyed or bothered about you dating,” Seonghwa pulled his hand out of Hongjoong’s grasp and took a step back.
“I,” Hongjoong started and ended with a sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“You already apologized. I promise it’s okay, it’s been a long night. Congratulations you got a good omega,” Seonghwa offered in the lightest tone he could muster.
“Not the best though,” Hongjoong said back.
Seonghwa felt his body stiffen and then relax. What did that even mean?
“The best is subjective, isn’t it?” Seonghwa laughed, he just wanted to be the best for someone.
“You’re the best,” Hongjoong answered without thinking.
Seonghwa felt something bloom inside of him, but the coughing never came, the scratchy throat didn’t happen.
“Then I guess you don’t have the best,” Seonghwa tried another laugh. “But you should get back to your omega.”
“He has a name,” Hongjoong shook his head.
“He does, but being your omega should be enough, right?”
It was archaic but that didn’t matter. As an omega Seonghwa never wanted to be defined by his alpha but it was still a small pride. He’d be proud to be known as Hongjoong’s pretty omega.
“I guess it should be,” Hongjoong shrugged. “But you’re right I should get back to him.”
“You should,” Seonghwa nodded. “You don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”
“Yeah, that would be bad,” Hongjoong nodded.
Seonghwa wasn’t sure what the wrong idea was, but he didn’t want Hongjoong’s new omega to get the wrong idea about what was going on between the two of them. Clearly Hongjoong didn’t reciprocate his feelings or Seonghwa wouldn’t be coughing up flowers. He wouldn’t be able to feel their vines curl in his chest, squeezing tightly around his lungs.
“Goodnight,” Hongjoong breathed out.
“Night,” Seonghwa answered slowly.
Seonghwa watched as the door closed behind Hongjoong and he felt his stomach sink. What had any of that meant? He was the ideal omega? How did that even work? Seonghwa was apparently who Hongjoong measured every other omega against and somehow this new omega had managed to outshine him.
It was always supposed to be Hongjoong and Seonghwa. They were already the leaders of their pack. It only made sense for them to get together as everyone else paired off, but no. Seonghwa was alone and Hongjoong was courting an outsider, someone that Seonghwa was going to have to deal with forever.
Seonghwa felt the scratch in his throat and then his entryway floor was covered in soft pink plum blossoms. Somehow, he managed to get to the bathroom where he knelt in front of the toilet and an entire bouquet of blossoms fell past his lips and into the water.
It was different from vomiting. The petals tickled on their way up and only became toxic once Seonghwa perceived them floating prettily on the water inside the bowl.
**
Seonghwa had watched a movie about Hanahaki once. It was an alpha women who had to watch the omega she loved mate someone else. She didn’t wither away like she was supposed to. She turned her suffering into a business and sold the beautiful bouquets that she had coughed up. They were labeled as good luck even though they were born out of her tragedy.
The movie was a comedy.
Seonghwa didn’t feel like his life was turning out the same way hers had, and he knew there couldn’t have been that much truth in the plot. It was just another sensationalized version of something he now knew was a visual representation of his heart shattering.
In reality the disease was tragic, and Seonghwa didn’t want it anymore.
So, he gave himself two weeks to get over Hongjoong, two astronomically long weeks.
At the start of the first week Seonghwa had a flower free lunch with Hongjoong that tricked him into thinking the tight feeling in his chest was just hope. There had been no mention of Hyunwoo and that meant that Seonghwa could forget that he existed. Hyunwoo did exist though, and that night as Seonghwa laid in bed mindlessly scrolling instagram he was hit with a picture of the couple. It was clearly taken some time after the lunch he had with Hongjoong if the late summer sun was anything to go by. It illuminated their smiling faces, and before he knew it tiny blue forget-me-not blooms were filling his mouth and then the bed next to him.
Dinner with the couple three days later turned out to be one of Seonghwa’s worst ideas.
It had started fine, until Hongjoong and Hyunwoo started to act like an actual couple. Seonghwa used his glass of wine to swallow back as many petals as he could before he had to race to the bathroom and throw it all back up.
“Are you okay in there?”
“Yes,” Seonghwa called back to Hongjoong before his stomach wretched again.
At least he could blame it on the food.
“Do you need to leave?”
“Hold on,” Seonghwa asked quietly before he coughed up a flurry of tulips to go with his bile. Somehow it felt fitting, he had done this to himself.
When his stomach settled, and the coughing stopped Seonghwa pulled himself off of his knees and opened the stall door to see Hongjoong standing there with a look of sad concern.
“If you didn’t feel well you didn’t have to come,” Hongjoong crossed his arms and his concerned look morphed into annoyance as his lips turned down at the corners.
“I felt,” Seonghwa started before a small cough interrupted him. He barely managed to turn away in time to catch the thick red tulip petals and shove them in his pocket.
“What was that?” Hongjoong was back to looking concerned when Seonghwa turned to face him.
“I felt fine when I got here,” Seonghwa waved his hand and completely ignored Hongjoong’s question.
“Seonghwa did you just,” Hongjoong started.
“Obviously it was the appetizer,” Seonghwa continued. “I should head home.”
Hongjoong shook his head and blinked twice, “what’s happening?”
“I got sick and I’m going home,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes.
“That’s all that’s going on?” Hongjoong asked. The frown was back on his face.
“What else would be going on?” Seonghwa looked at him dumbly as it got harder to breathe.
“I thought you just,” Hongjoong shook his head again. “Never mind. Do you want me to take you home?”
“Stay with Hyunwoo,” Seonghwa said back a little too quickly.
“Now he has a name,” Hongjoong sounded more amused than Seonghwa liked. It wasn’t a joke, it was his life.
“He’s always had a name,” Seonghwa shot back.
“The first night you met him his name was just omega,” Hongjoong tried a laugh. “I thought you hated stuff like that.”
“Listen,” Seonghwa let out a long breath. “Not that you need to know this, but it’s a whole thing. I don’t know if it’s just me or all omegas, but it’s like an instinct. I just want to be someone’s so being your, someone’s, omega is the goal. Plus, it’s just kind of hot to be called omega when you’re getting fucked.”
Normally, he wouldn’t speak about his sex life around Hongjoong but Seonghwa didn’t care anymore. It worth it just to see the way that Hongjoong’s mouth popped open as a little ‘oh’ escaped it.
“It’s like being called a whore or something,” Hongjoong smiled. “I’ll have to remember that.”
Seonghwa couldn’t control the coughing this time. He turned back into the bathroom stall, slammed the door shut, and let loose. A flurry of petals, still tulip, hit the water with a soft noise as he hacked out cough after cough. Somewhere in the background Hongjoong was knocking on the door asking if he was okay.
He didn’t want to think about Hongjoong fucking into Hyunwoo while he called him omega, while he claimed him. All it did was cause wave after wave of deep coughing, and a flurry of colorful petals to fill up the toilet.
After flushing twice Seonghwa righted himself and was shocked to find Hongjoong still standing there waiting for him.
“You’re not okay, are you?” Hongjoong was concerned again. “You were coughing.”
“I know,” Seonghwa nodded and sniffed his nose before he wiped at his watery eyes. He had to look like an absolute mess.
“What are you coming down with?” Hongjoong reached out and wiped away a stray tear that was slowly slipping down Seonghwa’s cheek.
“Feels like death,” Seonghwa joked.
“Sounds like it,” Hongjoong smiled a little and let his hand trail down to Seonghwa’s chest.
Seonghwa took a deep breath, “I should go.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home?”
“I’m fine,” Seonghwa looked down to where Hongjoong was touching him. “I don’t want to get you sick.”
“I’m worried about you,” Hongjoong still hadn’t moved his hand.
“Don’t be. I said I’m fine,” Seonghwa took a step back to get Hongjoong’s hand off of him.
“That’s a lie,” Hongjoong said with an edge to this tone.
“If it is, it doesn’t matter,” Seonghwa shot back. “I’m going to head out. Enjoy the rest of your date.”
“With my omega?” One of Hongjoong’s eyebrows went up when he was done speaking.
“Don’t talk dirty in the bathroom,” Seonghwa tried to laugh but it threatened to turn into a cough.
He couldn’t wait for an answer. Seonghwa turned and walked out of the bathroom and nearly ran out the front door. He found himself in an ally next to the restaurant, right by the dumpsters, coughing until his chest was empty and then he still coughed more. It was miserable, he was miserable and when he looked up from the pile of tulips that had come from his lungs Seonghwa made eye contact with their waiter.
The man took a long drag of his cigarette and looked at Seonghwa with so much pity that it made his heart ache. Seonghwa was reduced to being the story of the night. He was just a pathetic third wheel that was caught coughing up tulips in the back alley when he couldn’t take it anymore. Now he’d be part of the lore that was Hanahaki Disease. Be careful who you love, or you could be next to a dumpster coughing until your nose starts to run uncontrollably, until your eyes turn red, until your lips become raw.
Seonghwa was just a pathetic cautionary tale now. Don’t fall in love, you’ll just end up walking home alone while the other person laughs with his boyfriend, his chosen omega, back at the restaurant.
**
When Seonghwa woke up the next day he decided that exposure wasn’t going to work and locked himself away thinking that distance would. Apparently, there was a lot of truth to the old adage ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder.’
The flowers didn’t stop spilling from his chest, and Seonghwa found himself giving in and doing research to find out more about his new condition. After struggling to read through the first research paper, he knew he should be seeing a specialist, and after a quick search on youtube he found out that most cases of Hanahaki ended in death. It was rare that someone could break out of the disease even if they confessed. Apparently most unreturned confessions ended with the diseased person asphyxiating within the next week.
He was going to die.
Sure, there were transplant options but he didn’t have that kind of money. Seonghwa also didn’t have the money for someone to remove the vines and give him more time. There was no way Seonghwa could crawl out of this hole. He was going to waste away slowly until the vines that wrapped around his ribcage squeezed out his last breath.
It sounded more beautiful than it was.
When the third week rolled around so did Seonghwa’s heat.
“Thanks for bringing stuff over,” Seonghwa smiled at Wooyoung.
“No problem,” Wooyoung elbowed his way into Seonghwa’s apartment. “You smell more floral than normal.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” Seonghwa picked up the bags that Wooyoung had dropped by the door.
“You haven’t been around much lately,” Wooyoung’s eyes raked over Seonghwa’s living space. “Do you have fresh flowers?”
“There are no flowers,” Seonghwa gave a weak laugh. “And I’ve been busy.”
“If it’s because of Hyunwoo he’s not actually around a lot,” Wooyoung said as he gave Seonghwa a pointed look.
“I don’t care about Hongjoong’s boyfriend,” Seonghwa said with a wheeze. “I’ve been busy and sick. I went out to dinner with them and had to leave.”
“Hongjoong told us about that,” Wooyoung gave him another pointed look. “You should just say it. It’ll help.”
“Say what?” Seonghwa could feel his breathing get shallow as something bloomed inside of him.
“That you have feelings for Hongjoong,” Wooyoung said like it didn’t matter. “I used to think he had a crush on you, and he still doesn’t talk about Hyunwoo as much as he does you. He’s really missed you.”
“What happens if I say it?” Seonghwa asked, he was already so far past saving.
“You’ll feel better. It’ll be like a weight off your chest,” Wooyoung answered honestly and Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m in love with him and it doesn’t matter, it’ll never matter,” he threw his hands up. “But there I said it.”
“I think if you tell him, it might work out in your favor,” Wooyoung smiled brightly.
Seonghwa didn’t want the hope that Wooyoung was trying to give him. It cleared his lungs, but he knew that it was only temporary. They’d be constricted soon enough, and he’d be coughing again before he knew it.
“Thank you for your advice,” Seonghwa said. “Now leave before I start dripping slick onto the floor.”
Wooyoung’s eyes went wide, “you get that wet? That’s kind of hot.”
“Get out,” Seonghwa pointed to the door.
“You know me and Sannie wouldn’t mind helping you,” Wooyoung wiggled his eyebrows. It didn’t sound like he was teasing, but it wasn’t an offer that Seonghwa would ever take.
“Go home,” Seonghwa let out a little laugh. “I’m not letting my friends fuck me.”
“Your loss,” Wooyoung waved his arms. “Make sure you stay hydrated.”
“I will,” Seonghwa shoved at him. “Go home.”
“When your heat is done will you please hang out with us?” Wooyoung pushed out his lower lip in a pout. “Please.”
“That’s manipulation,” Seonghwa laughed a little more.
Wooyoung nodded, “I’m going to stay until you say yes.”
“Yes,” Seonghwa answered right away. “We’ll all get together when it’s done.”
“Before Hongjoong’s rut, you guys are almost synced up,” Wooyoung said offhand.
The idea of Hoongjoon in rut mad a heat pool in Seonghwa’s stomach. Their heat and rut had been so close to syncing up for the last year, normally that only happened with mates.
“I don’t want to hear about him anymore,” Seonghwa shoved at Wooyoung again. “Go home.”
“Okay,” Wooyoung pulled him into a tight hug and buried his nose in Seonghwa’s neck by his scent gland. “The flowers smell rotten on your skin.”
“I told you there’s no flowers,” Seonghwa shoved him away. “It’s a bad perfume.”
“You’re right,” Wooyoung nodded. “It doesn’t make sense that your sent would change.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Seonghwa moved and opened the door.
“Remember to use a heating pad if you need to, and don’t lose a dildo up your ass,” Wooyoung yelled back as he walked down the hallway.
Seonghwa shut the door as he felt something growing in his lower stomach. It was a heat that spread upwards, and made his stomach and abs cramp uncomfortably. He needed to be full, and he could only think about Hongjoong.
Everything he read had suggested fully giving in once you hit your cycle. Seonghwa was sure that his body would know what to do, and the flowers would stay in his chest while he nearly leaked through his mattress pad.
The pain was worse than normal, and Seonghwa’s hands shook as he pulled his clothing off. Seonghwa let it drop in his entry way and grimaced at how his slick damp thighs rubbed against each other as he walked to his bedroom. Another painful cramp stabbed at his abdomen as he opened the top drawer in his bureau and pulled out his favorite knotted dildo before he turned and collapsed on the bed.
Normally, he’d be bouncing on it by now, jerking his cock, easily on his way to his first orgasm, but Seonghwa felt like he was moving in sand. Each motion took so much effort, and he couldn’t get Hongjoong out of his mind.
Hongjoong would have stripped him down, got on his knees, and eaten Seonghwa out right in the entryway.
Seonghwa moaned and pressed his finger against his hole. He knew he tasted good; he knew Hongjoong could spend hours between his legs. Hongjoong had admitted to loving to eat out omegas one drunken night while Seonghwa chugged his own drink, so he didn’t say anything stupid. He wanted Hongjoong to taste him, he wanted his finger replaced with the other man’s tongue.
Seonghwa pressed his finger into himself slightly before he pulled out and continued playing with his rim. He wanted to be full, but there was no way Hongjoong wouldn’t tease. Seonghwa knew he’d take his time, he knew that Hongjoong would work him over and keep him on the edge through every single orgasm until he spilled over.
“Fuck,” Seonghwa breathed out as he pushed two fingers into himself.
The two fingers weren’t enough, and his patience was running thin, but Seonghwa held back. He fucked himself on his two fingers frantically as unusually high-pitched noises rose in his throat and slipped out of his mouth. Normally when he was in heat Seonghwa rode his dildo until he passed out and then repeated the action until the three hellish days were over.
Not this time though, not with Hongjoong in the back of his mind.
“Shh just be patient baby,” Hongjoong’s voice whispered to him in his mind. “Don’t be such a slut, you’ll get my cock soon enough.”
Seonghwa shifted on the bed and let out a moan as he added two more fingers and frantically grabbed for the dildo with his free hand.
“Want it,” Seonghwa whined to his imaginary Hongjoong as he rolled over onto his stomach so he could grind against his mattress.
“I know baby, I know,” imaginary Hongjoong laughed. “I’m going to fuck you so good.”
“Yes, please, Hongjoong please,” Seonghwa’s mouth was open, drool pooling on the blanket under him.
This time Seonghwa’s lungs felt clear as the need to be fucked took over his body. He couldn’t hold back anymore, and fumbled to sink the dildo into himself from the position he was in. Seonghwa wanted to get fucked on his stomach, but that wasn’t an option. He flopped over onto his back and spread his legs before he squeezed his eyes shut. It was easier to pretend that way because even through the haze of his heat Seonghwa knew he was alone.
The dildo slipped over his rim the first three tries and Seonghwa swore he could hear Hongjoong’s bright laughter as he struggled to penetrate himself.
When the blunt head finally caught on his slick rim Seonghwa pushed the dildo inside of himself with a low groan. This time he didn’t dare edge himself, the heat was building too much for that.
“Hongjoong,” he moaned as fucked himself roughly.
“Please Hongjoong, more, please more.”
“Hongjoong,” the tears started.
“Fuck me,” Seonghwa’s tears kept falling.
Hongjoong wasn’t there with him.
“Please, please, please,” Seonghwa sobbed out. He wasn’t sure if he needed to cum or if he just needed Hongjoong.
“I want,” Seonghwa breathed out roughly as his free hand went to his cock.
“Need you,” it was barely whispered.
“Close, so close, please Hongjoong,” Seonghwa writhed on the bed as much as he could in his current position.
In his mind Hongjoong answered, “okay baby let go.”
Seonghwa’s body tightened and then shuddered through his orgasm. He pulled the toy out of his body and then curled in on himself. Hongjoong wasn’t there, he wasn’t ever going to be there. The familiar burning in his throat started and Seonghwa did his best to swallow down the flowers. He didn’t want them, he didn’t want to be in love. He didn’t want to be in heat thinking about someone he couldn’t have. He would never belong to Hongjoong.
A series of sobs wracked his body as the heat started to build in his guts again, but his limbs felt too heavy, too hot to move. Then he couldn’t stop the tickle in his throat and a burst of bright yellow chrysanthemums spilled out of his mouth and onto his bed. The earthy smell of the flowers mixed with his own scent, and a sharp stinging pain radiated from his abdomen. It was so much more than he was used to. He could feel the heat burning below his skin.
It was too much, and the chrysanthemums still came out, now in different colors, between his choked sobbing. This was so much worse than what was described in the books. It was an unbearable weight and his body felt like it was being torn in two very different directions.
In a moment of clarity Seonghwa leaned over to his bedside table where his phone was and sent one simple text to Wooyoung before he coughed up another wave of flowers.
Emergency. Help.
**
Seonghwa woke up slowly. The lights in the room were blinding even through his eyelids and he threw his hand over his face before he opened them and tried to get used to all the white around him. He couldn’t feel anyone in the room and that was such a relief. Wooyoung knew the full truth now and Seonghwa wasn’t ready to be confronted with that yet. The only hope he had left was that Wooyoung hadn’t told the rest of their friend group, or worse, his family about what had happened.
He lowered his hand and blinked at the sterile white ceiling. His skin wasn’t hot anymore, and his guts weren’t churning begging him to feel full. How many days had passed?
“You piece of shit.”
“Wooyoung?” Seonghwa tried to sit up, but he didn’t feel like he could move properly.
“Hanahaki,” Wooyoung huffed out. “I can’t believe that you’re willing to die for that loser.”
Seonghwa let out a laugh that turned into a dry cough. It was the first time in weeks that he had coughed without any flowers coming up. He forced himself to sit up and looked at Wooyoung with wide eyes.
“Did they fix it?” Seonghwa struggled to focus his eyes as he looked around the hospital room.
“They can’t fix it,” Wooyoung answered dryly. “Your throat is just dry.”
“Oh,” Seonghwa flopped back into the bed and swallowed dryly. “I’m sorry.”
“I would have stayed with you if you told me. I could have brought San they said it might have helped,” Wooyoung shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“It’s embarrassing,” Seonghwa closed his eyes. “We all have a memory of a sad neighbor who just disappeared one day and became a cautionary tale. I don’t want to be the moral of a story.”
“You need to confess your feelings,” Wooyoung leaned over the bed to get in Seonghwa’s face.
“I need my feelings returned,” Seonghwa weakly shoved at Wooyoung. “It’s not enough to just admit to them.”
“They could be returned,” Wooyoung took a step back. “You don’t know.”
“I love him, and he doesn’t love me,” Seonghwa sighed. “There’s been opportunities for him to confess and he hasn’t.”
“Maybe you’re both just stupid,” Wooyoung sighed frustrated.
“That’s enough Wooyoung,” Yeosang said from the doorway making both of the other men jump. “Go find San and the others and tell them Seonghwa’s awake.”
Seonghwa enjoyed the silence for a few moments before he spoke, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Yeosang answered. “It’s hard, you have a big heart and it’s breaking beautifully.”
Seonghwa let out a bitter laugh. “I’d rather it be ugly.”
“You know people do come out of this all the time, normally it doesn’t last long because the other person confesses,” Yeosang offered. “It’s only the tragic unreturned feelings that we ever hear about because it makes good clickbait articles.”
“No one is going to confess to me first,” Seonghwa shook his head.
Yeosang tilted his head to the side and smiled, “you don’t know that, no one even knew you were sick until a few days ago.”
“Trust me,” Seonghwa inhaled deeply. He felt like he was going to have the same conversation with everyone he knew.
Just confess.
As if it was that easy. Hongjoong already had his chances to confess, and he hadn’t. He could go around calling Seonghwa the perfect omega all day long and it wouldn’t matter if there were no real feelings behind it. Perfect, but not perfect for Hongjoong, not perfect for the one person he wanted to be perfect for.
The door to the room opened and Seonghwa looked up to see everyone filing in and his eyes caught on Hongjoong, they always did. Only Hongjoong was firmly holding his boyfriend’s hand. Seonghwa turned to lean over the side of his bed and coughed up a bright bouquet of sunflowers. When he sat back up again everyone was looking at him horrified like they had hoped it wasn’t real this whole time.
It was real though; this was his life now.
**
Seonghwa jumped, nearly spilling his hot tea all over himself as three loud knocks echoed through his door and into his apartment. Before he could even stand there were three more, and even more as he crossed his living room before he finally got to his door and swung it open.
Hongjoong.
Seonghwa swallowed roughly and stepped to the side.
“Yunho said you visited him and Mingi and it sounded like you were saying goodbye,” Hongjoong started. “Then Jongho said the same thing. I can only assume that everyone else would tell me the same thing.”
Seonghwa grimaced. He had been going around to visit his friends one on one as his heat crept closer and closer. It had been nearly three months since his hospital visit and the flowers in his lungs had slowly started to fade into something rotten and brown. He would have been concerned if he didn’t already know that this was going to happen. There were only two options, a surgery he couldn’t afford and to hope he made it out of his next heat. That wasn’t likely though, not with how the last one went. So, Seonghwa had decided to hope for the best, but say goodbye anyway.
“Where’s your omega?”
“I don’t have an omega anymore,” Hongjoong shook his head. “I don’t care about that though. Why are you saying goodbye?”
Seonghwa felt a flash of hope as he breathed in, but the exhale was ragged and caught on the petals that were now withering in his lungs.
“My heat is coming up it might be bad again,” Seonghwa shrugged.
“What do you mean?” Hongjoong demanded.
“It might be like last time and I just wanted to hang out with everyone,” Seonghwa shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Weren’t you already supposed to have your heat?” Hongjoong sniffed the air as Seonghwa blushed.
How would Hongjoong know his heat cycle?
“It’s late,” Seonghwa shrugged. He had guessed it was just a result of his body starting to shut down. He couldn’t be on a regular schedule if is lungs were getting clogged.
“My rut is in three days,” Hongjoong stated simply.
“I know,” Seonghwa shook his head.
“Did we finally match up?” Hongjoong let out a small, light laugh.
“Maybe,” Seonghwa didn’t return the laugh. “I’ll let you know in three days.”
Hongjoong nodded, “is someone going to be here with you?”
Seonghwa nodded and nearly laughed at the way Hongjoong’s nostrils flared like a jealous alpha.
“San has very generously offered up Wooyoung,” Seonghwa answered after a moment.
“He’s an omega you need an alpha,” Hongjoong’s chest puffed out.
“I need someone who will ignore me when I start crying for someone else,” Seonghwa shook his head. “I don’t need a jealous alpha.”
“So, it’s not Wooyoung?” Hongjoong breathed out.
Seonghwa let out a bright laugh, “absolutely not.”
“The person is an alpha?” Hongjoong asked quietly.
“Yes,” Seonghwa nodded.
He could confess now and save himself the pain of his heat. Seonghwa could just say the words and watch as Hongjoong let him down. Then he could quietly wither away, just another pathetic omega who couldn’t get their alpha to love them.
“What happened with you and your omega?” Seonghwa asked so he could avoid his confession.
“I left him,” Hongjoong said simply. “I didn’t love him, I was never going to. I have feelings for someone else.”
“Oh,” Seonghwa let out in a small voice. He couldn’t cough now, he’d give himself away, but the blooms in his chest didn’t care. He could feel the itch moving up his throat. “You should go.”
“I just need to say something else,” Hongjoong held his hand up.
“I need you to leave, now,” Seonghwa said as he tried his best to swallow the flowers down.
“But Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said as Seonghwa threw his door open.
Bright petals spilled past Seonghwa’s lips and turned into full Amaryllis blossoms by the time he was done coughing them up. Hongjoong looked horrified and Seonghwa couldn’t bare another second of it. He pushed the other man out of his apartment and slammed the door shut as the tears started to roll down his cheeks. Hongjoong had to know now, there was no way that he wouldn’t connect the dots.
Two days later Seonghwa’s heat started, and he called Wooyoung right away. He wasn’t there for anything sexual, just to make sure Seonghwa made it out of his heat. Of course, that was unspoken and Wooyoung was happy to pretend like he was only there to deliver snacks and water to a fellow omega as they cried for a nameless alpha. Only Seonghwa’s alpha wasn’t nameless, and just like last time he’d only be calling for Hongjoong as he impaled himself on his favorite knotted dildo.
The thought caused a rush of blood to his lower half and his cock got hard just as he felt the dampness of his slick between his cheeks. What he wouldn’t give for Hongjoong to be there lapping at his hole eagerly. Seonghwa wanted his alpha to know how good he tasted.
No, not his alpha, no one’s alpha. Hongjoong was still in love with someone that wasn’t him, it was just a new faceless omega.
Seonghwa let out a frustrated cry as he dropped to his knees in his living room. He couldn’t stop it as rotten unidentified petals flowed out of his mouth and onto the floor around him. This was it, this was how he was going to go. More petals came as he thought about Hongjoong’s smile. Even more came as Seonghwa wondered if Hongjoong had a tight wet toy to fuck into during his rut. Something so tight that Hongjoong would have to force his big knot into it before he flooded the toy with his cum. Seonghwa wanted to be that toy, he wanted Hongjoong to use him.
It couldn’t happen though. Seonghwa was in his living room coughing up wet, rotten flowers as he tried to calm his body down.
“Oh my god Seonghwa.”
He hardly registered that Wooyoung was there.
“Hongjoong?” Seonghwa blinked at him.
“I’ll get him, I promise,” Wooyoung nodded and pulled out his phone.
Seonghwa couldn’t really focus enough to listen to the conversation. He just remembered hearing Wooyoung’s pleading voice growing angry before he hung up his phone and sighed heavily.
“He’s coming,” Wooyoung stated as he knelt in the rotten flowers next to Seonghwa. “You need to tell him.”
“I will,” Seonghwa nodded. “I just need…”
Seonghwa couldn’t get the full thought out as he started to cough up more flowers. It felt like an eternity had passed before Hongjoong’s scent hit his nose. The coughing stopped and Seonghwa focused his eyes onto where Hongjoong was forcing Wooyoung out of the apartment.
Hongjoong smelled different. His sent was deeper somehow and laced with sex. It made Seonghwa let out a low whine. He wanted to be soaked in it, he wanted Hongjoong to want him back more than anything else.
“Oh Seonghwa,” Hongjoong knelt down on the flowers that surrounded Seonghwa.
“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa nodded. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“This is right where I should be,” Hongjoong shook his head. “Tell me who it is Seonghwa, I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you.”
Seonghwa just shook his head as he coughed up a few more flowers.
“Stop being so stubborn,” Hongjoong demanded. “Please.”
“I’m not being stubborn,” Seonghwa shook his head. Why did Hongjoong smell so good?
“I know it’s me Seonghwa,” Hongjoong stated simply.
Seonghwa didn’t have the energy to deny it, he didn’t want too anyway.
“Just tell me that you’re in love with me,” Hongjoong said in a tone that sounded close to begging.
“I can’t,” Seonghwa shook his head as he started to cry.
“Yes, you can,” Hongjoong nodded. “Please? For me?”
“No,” Seonghwa shook his head as silent tears spilled down his cheeks.
“You can just say it. I promise it’s okay, I don’t want to lose you,” Hongjoong shook his head. “Please.”
“It doesn’t matter if I say it,” Seonghwa cried harder.
“It matters,” Hongjoong grabbed his hands.
Seonghwa almost pulled back. The heat coming off of Hongjoong was nearly burning. He had never been with an alpha in rut before, Seonghwa didn’t know just how hot they could get.
“I love you. My body knew before I did, but I love you,” Seonghwa breathed out before he coughed up a series of wilted daisies.
“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong replied quietly as pulled Seonghwa into a hug and rubbed his back. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Seonghwa let out a sob.
“I love you too,” Hongjoong breathed out and Seonghwa breathed in clearly for the first time in months. “I thought you knew.”
“I didn’t know,” Seonghwa shook his head stupidly. “This wouldn’t have happened.”
“I love you,” Hongjoong said in a firmer tone. “I always have.”
“Always?” Seonghwa pressed closer to Hongjoong.
“The first time I saw you I knew I wanted you to be mine,” Hongjoong nodded. “My omega.”
Seonghwa’s breathing became ragged, but the flowers never came even if his lungs still felt clogged.
Hongjoong loved him.
They were in love with each other.
He wasn’t going to die.
Seonghwa dropped to his knees and a wrecked sob forced its way out of him, and then another and another. He wasn’t alone though. This time Hongjoong’s warm arms were wrapped around him as he cried. It was a level of comfort Seonghwa didn’t know he’d ever reach. Seonghwa nuzzled his nose into Hongjoong’s neck and breathed in. A deep scent that was purely Hongjoong flooded his senses. There was an undercurrent of something else in his scent and Seonghwa was reminded that Hongjoong was starting his rut the next day. A whine replaced the sobs as he pressed closer to Hongjoong.
“Are you feeling better?” Hongjoong asked in a quiet voice.
Seonghwa just nodded.
“This might be inappropriate, but you smell so good right now,” Hongjoong’s tone stayed low.
“You do too,” Seonghwa dared to press a small kiss to Hongjoong’s neck.
Hongjoong shook his head, “it’s a bad idea.”
It was a weak protest at best.
“Then just kiss me?” Seonghwa pulled back slightly.
“Just kiss you,” Hongjoong laughed. “I’m hard just smelling you.”
“Then knot me after you kiss me,” Seonghwa said simply as he pulled back more.
“Demanding little omega,” Hongjoong couldn’t hide his smile.
Seonghwa made a face, “I’m yours though, right?”
“You’re mine,” Hongjoong nodded.
Seonghwa held his breath as his eyes went wide.
“It’s what I’ve wanted for a really long time,” Hongjoong shifted. “You’ve always been the perfect omega to me. You’re so good Seonghwa, you’re going to be so good for me.”
“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa let out a breath.
“Yes?”
“Kiss me,” Seonghwa pouted slightly.
Hongjoong let out a small laugh and smiled as he reached out to cup Seonghwa’s face with one of his hands. Seonghwa leaned into the hand as Hongjoong leaned in, their lips pressed together sweetly and lightly which made Seonghwa let out a sigh. He needed more though and he poked his tongue out to lap across Hongjoong’s bottom lip. There was no hesitation as Hongjoong deepened the kiss, and in moments Seonghwa was pressed on his back in the pile of rotten flowers while Hongjoong kissed down the column of his neck.
If things had been different, they could have gone slow. They could have confessed sooner, and Hongjoong could have courted Seonghwa with little gifts and lavish dates. Seonghwa would have made him work for that first kiss just because he could. They could have been teased by their friends about their budding relationship, but that wasn’t the card they had been dealt.
Now there would never be any mystery. Seonghwa couldn’t pretend to be coy. He had spent months being lovesick over Hongjoong. It was the ultimate display of his feelings, and there was no going back. It only made sense that their start would be accelerated.
Everything was needy, the haze of their cycles hung around them and pushed them as years of longing finally went answered. Hongjoong’s hands felt like they were burning as they pinned Seonghwa’s arms to the ground. Their hips pressed together tightly and Seonghwa had never wanted to be fucked so badly in his life, but not here. Their first time couldn’t be in a bed of rotten flowers.
“Bedroom,” Seonghwa said between kisses. “Please.”
“Okay, okay,” Hongjoong nodded and beathed out.
Seonghwa let himself be pulled up and guided to his bedroom. Hongjoong knew right where it was from his countless visits to Seonghwa’s apartment. Without missing a beat Hongjoong pushed Seonghwa back onto his bed before he pulled his own shirt off. Seonghwa reached out and made a grabbing motion with his hands that was accompanied by a needy noise.
“Strip for me,” Hongjoong said as his hands went down to take his pants off.
Seonghwa moved faster than he knew he could to pull his shirt off and then his sweatpants. He had on nothing underneath and his hard, wet, cock slapped against his abdomen as it was freed.
“How do you smell so good?” Hongjoong moaned. “You always smelled like home, but right now my mouth is watering.”
Seonghwa moved so that he was on his hands and knees with his back arched beautifully, “I taste better.”
“Do you omega?”
Seonghwa felt the bed dip behind him, and he spread his legs even more. He needed to feel Hongjoong’s hands on him and he didn’t know if he could present any better, so he swayed his hips and only stopped when Hongjoong grabbed onto them.
“I’ll taste you pretty boy, don’t worry,” Hongjoong said in a low tone as he used his thumbs to spread Seonghwa’s cheeks.
“Please,” Seonghwa twisted so he could look back at a now naked Hongjoong.
Seonghwa didn’t have to wait. Almost as soon as the word was out of his mouth, he felt Hongjoong’s wet tongue lick over his hole. Seonghwa fell forward onto his shoulders as Hongjoong licked and sucked the slick out of him.
“You taste good omega,” Hongjoong moaned out. “So sweet.”
Seonghwa moaned as he felt two fingers push into him alongside of Hongjoong’s tongue. He needed more, he had waited so long for this and now Hongjoong was actually there. It was like all of his fantasies could finally come true, but all his heat addled brain wanted was a knot.
“Knot me,” Seonghwa demanded.
“No,” Hongjoong answered and accented it with a slap to Seonghwa’s ass.
Seonghwa sucked in a sharp breath, “bad alpha.”
“Excuse me?” Hongjoong pulled back, but his two fingers stayed inside of Seonghwa.
“Can’t knot, bad alpha,” Seonghwa said brokenly.
He was answered with a deep growl.
“I just wanted to enjoy my needy omega,” Hongjoong said with a laugh as he pulled his fingers out.
Hongjoong draped his body over Seonghwa’s and reached around to shove the two fingers that were just inside of Seonghwa into his mouth. Seonghwa lapped at the digits with a small happy moan. He could feel Hongjoong’s cock against his ass and he squirmed to try and get it where he wanted it. Seonghwa didn’t get a chance though Hongjoong flipped him over onto his back and caged him in with his arms.
“Hongjoong please,” Seonghwa pouted.
“Am I bad or do you want my knot?” Hongjoong asked with a smile.
Seonghwa shook his head no as he leaned up to lick his slick off of the corner of Hongjoong’s mouth. Seonghwa licked over Hongjoong’s lips and moaned at the taste of himself. He was extra sweet and Seonghwa figured it was a result of his heat.
“You’re bad and I want your knot,” Seonghwa breathed out before he licked over Hongjoong’s lips.
“Careful,” Hongjoong warned.
“No,” Seonghwa shook his head and bit down on Hongjoong’s lower lip playfully.
He was rewarded with Hongjoong leaning back and grabbing one of his legs to push it towards his chest. Seonghwa’s eyes locked onto Hongjoong’s cock, he wanted it inside of him so badly.
“This time I’ll give you what you want,” Hongjoong shook his head and lifted Seonghwa’s other leg.
“Next time too,” Seonghwa wiggled down closer to Hongjoong.
Hongjoong just laughed lightly and Seonghwa felt like his chest could burst with how perfect the moment was. Hongjoong was finally his. They had forever to do this and Seonghwa knew that it would only get better and better.
“Next time too,” Hongjoong nodded in agreement as he grabbed his own cock.
“Please alpha,” Seonghwa wiggled again.
“Okay baby.”
Hongjoong bent over Seonghwa’s body and pressed a kiss to his forehead as he pushed in. Seonghwa felt his body give way as it molded itself to Hongjoong’s thickness. He pushed his hips down unable to wait for more which got another chuckle out of Hongjoong. It wasn’t long before Seonghwa got what he wanted as Hongjoong pulled out slowly and pushed back in. Hongjoong gradually increased the pace until he was forced to lean back, Seonghwa’s legs now on his shoulders, as he fucked into Seonghwa’s body.
“More,” Seonghwa moaned out.
Hongjoong grabbed onto Seonghwa’s ankles and let his hands slide down Seonghwa’s calves, “turn over.”
“No, just fuck me,” Seonghwa demanded.
Hongjoong let out a frustrated noise, “Seonghwa be good.”
“No,” Seonghwa repeated as he bounced himself down on Hongjoong’s cock.
It didn’t last long though. Hongjoong moved Seonghwa’s legs to the side and fucked into him a few more times before he grabbed onto Seonghwa’s hips and flipped him over, so he was face down on the bed.
“You want me to use you?”
“Yes,” Seonghwa turned his head to the side and nodded. He had never wanted anything more.
Seonghwa moaned out loudly as Hongjoong grabbed onto his hips to lift him up slightly as he pushed back in. Seonghwa couldn’t imagine that anyone else would ever feel so good. His insides were carved out for Hongjoong now.
“Knot,” Seonghwa moaned out. “Please knot.”
“Soon baby, soon,” Hongjoong cooed as he picked up the pace.
Seonghwa tried to push back but he felt Hongjoong lay down over his back. Despite being smaller the alpha felt huge over him. Seonghwa felt the hot and heavy weight of Hongjoong and melted into it as he felt a lick on his neck dangerously close to his scent gland. The licks got closer and then Hongjoong was placing wet kisses over the gland and Seonghwa couldn’t help but grind his cock against the bed. It felt so good.
He wanted to be claimed, Seonghwa wanted to feel Hongjoong’s teeth sink into his skin and leave his lasting mark. Seonghwa had never wanted to belong to someone else so badly.
“Open up for me,” Hongjoong said against Seonghwa’s neck.
Seonghwa didn’t know what Hongjoong was talking about at first and then he felt Hongjoong’s knot griding against him.
“Yes, please yes,” Seonghwa moaned out.
He pushed back against Hongjoong’s knot until his body finally gave in. There was a quick moment of a burning stretch and then Seonghwa felt fuller than he ever had. He pushed his hips back as much as he could with Hongjoong on his back and then back as he ground down into the bed. Hongjoong kept fucking into him but at a much slower pace than before.
Seonghwa felt like he was going crazy as he teetered on the edge of orgasm.
“Please, fuck please,” Seonghwa sobbed out.
Hongjoong answered by scraping his teeth over Seonghwa’s sent gland.
Seonghwa’s reaction was nearly instant. He cried as he came all over his blankets, and Hongjoong moaned out loudly as he came deep inside of Seonghwa’s guts.
His body went limp against the bed and Seonghwa breathed deeply as his mind started to clear from the haze of his heat. Hongjoong was there locked inside of his body, and more importantly he had already made promises for next time.
“We should have talked before we did that,” Hongjoong said with a light chuckle as he pulled out of Seonghwa’s body. “I’ll be right back.”
Seonghwa laid there and listened as Hongjoong moved around his apartment.
“We should just fuck for the next few days and then talk,” Seonghwa answered once Hongjoong came back into the room.
“I didn’t expect you to be this horny,” Hongjoong commented without judgment as he cleaned Seonghwa up.
“Next time lick your cum out of me,” Seonghwa answered in a teasing tone. “Please.”
“We’ll see, and I’m not a bad alpha,” Hongjoong pouted as Seonghwa rolled over.
“My bad alpha,” Seonghwa threw his arms around Hongjoong’s neck and pulled him close. “You should have confessed sooner.”
“I didn’t know,” Hongjoong shook his head. “I would have, but I didn’t think you cared. Even when you first got sick. I thought it was for someone else.”
“It was always you,” Seonghwa sighed.
“I love you,” Hongjoong breathed out as he nuzzled into Seonghwa’s neck.
“I love you too,” Seonghwa answered.
Seonghwa breathed in deeply and enjoyed the luxury of being able to exhale without any blossoms coming up. Seonghwa could finally breathe again without the vines in his chest constricting around his lungs. They were still there, Seonghwa could feel them, but they weren’t an obstacle anymore. The vines were just there, taking up space in his chest, a reminded of his previous pain. None of that mattered anymore though. Seonghwa knew he could live the rest of his life with those scars as long as Hongjoong was with him.