Chapter Text
Here at least
we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
to reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n.
- John Milton, Paradise Lost
It was a clear day during October when Light’s life fell apart—and was subsequently put back together.
He’d woken up at his normal time of six thirty—even though he didn’t need to be in school for another two hours. Most teenagers of his age would have wanted a lie in, but Light hated the risk of being late, should something have gone wrong. Not that he'd ever been late, of course.
Despite this, getting up early was nothing to do with looking forward to school. Light loathed school; and couldn’t wait until he was in high school. Maybe then, the curriculum would get marginally more interesting. He was just thirteen at the time, but despite all the intelligence he’d shown time and time again, people still spoke to him as if he were stupid.
The school day was disgustingly ordinary, at least in hindsight. When Light looked back on it, he couldn’t bring himself to believe God didn’t bother with some kind of cosmic signal to let him know a massive storm was coming. That was what happened in films and books, there was foreshadowing. The universe let you know that darkness was on the horizon.
The only thing that made the day different was the sheet of snow that covered Kanto—although it was quickly turned slushy and brown once the city was roused, beginning the same monotonous day for the thousandth time.
School came and went in a flash, and as he trudged back home from school, doing his best to ignore the biting weather, he thought of his mother. What she'd cooked for dinner. Whether his father would have any interesting stories from work. Light was young, but he knew he'd be a police officer someday. He wrapped himself in various scarfs, hats, and jumpers, but the cold had still managed to snake its way under his clothes and make him shiver. He knocked on the door at first, fumbling through his pockets for a key. When there was no response, he frowned. Perhaps his mother was just a little way from the door. When he found his key he opened the door with unusual haste.
The first thing Light was hit by when he opened the door was the stench. It was, metallic, overbearing. He blanched and closed his eyes, stumbling forward with his arm over his nose. When he opened his eyes, he caught sight of the heap on the floor.
It was his mother, slumped on the carpet, her hair spread around her face in a way that could almost be picturesque. Like a halo.
At first, Light didn’t react. For the first time in his life, his mind was completely blank.
He forced himself to walk closer to her corpse, and from that angle, his eyes latch onto the body of his father, just meters away. In a way, he wasn’t surprised.
His mother’s eyes were closed, and the pool of blood around her was large enough to reach the tips of his shoes. She must have died from a series of smaller wounds, Light deduced numbly.
His father’s eyes, however, were still wide open, a single round, crimson circle in the center of his head. If Light pretended all the blood wasn’t there, his mother could have been asleep—but the same couldn’t have been said for his father. With shaking hands, he reached down and closed his father’s eyes in a single sweeping motion. He knew it probably wasn’t the best idea to get his fingerprints on the body, but Light was too distant to care.
He remembered Sayu, and rushed up the stairs. The floor beneath him had begun to spin, but Light still felt nothing at all. It was if his physical reaction had come on time, but his emotional one had been delayed.
Sayu always came home before him, and logically, she should have been upstairs. Dead or alive—he couldn’t be sure.
Sayu wasn’t in her room, although it clearly had been ravaged for anything of importance. Light dutifully looked through every room in the house—but she was still nowhere to be found. After searching every corner for her, he slumped against the door of his room, unblinkingly staring at the opposite wall. It was a pure white, just like the snow was when he’d first woken up. There was a horrible sensation behind his eyes, and he felt as if he were about to pass out.
Light wasn’t sure how much later the police arrived—although it couldn’t have been long, since one of the neighbors apparently called when they’d heard gunshots earlier. He'd been half asleep, half in shock, catatonic and sat on the floor of Sayu's bedroom.
Somebody had the nerve to say everything would be alright, but how could it ever be? Everything he’d ever known had been torn from his grip, and he couldn’t even bring himself to cry.
Light was taken to the police, and sat on a chair in one of the offices. He watched the policemen bustle around and work, barely taking anything in. Occasionally, one stopped to murmur something supposedly soothing to him, before giving him a wan smile and disappearing.
He’d overheard some adults talking at a desk, after picking up his surname. They’d been talking about Sayu in low voices, calmly discussing their plan of action in searching for her. They hadn’t sounded optimistic.
And yet, the trauma still seemed a hundred miles away.
Trauma.
Light hated the word.
Nothing seemed real—like a dream he’d wake up from soon enough. The people and sounds around him seemed to exist behind a fog, as if he was hearing them through water.
Light was jolted out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. A policewoman was staring at him nervously, playing and tugging at her fingers. She looked young, and had a pretty, round face.
“Uh—there’s someone here to see you.” She stammered.
Light nodded and stood up, then trailed behind her as she lead him through various labyrinthine hallways. Eventually, she deposited him in an office on the other side of a building.
It was medium in size and modestly decorated. On one of the couches, there was a man sitting, along with his aunt—Aki.
“Light-chan,” She smiled weakly, and ran towards him, pulling him into a tight embrace. His face was pushed into her chest, and his nostrils were filled with her cheap perfume. He felt sick.
“I’m so glad you’re alright,” she whispered. Her voice was thick and nasal from crying.
Light had only met Aki a few times. She was a few years younger than his mother, but was unmarried, and had chosen to travel the world instead. According to his mother, she was a self-described 'free spirit'--with a knack for forgetting important things.
He pulled away from her gently, and despite looking offended, she let him. Her eyeliner had begun to run, and her cheeks were tinged with pink.
“You’re going to stay with me for a few days,” She murmured with a thin smile, “Until your new guardian comes.”
Light frowned. “You’re not going to take care of me?”
Aki averted her gaze, seemingly abashed. “You can’t really stay with me. I’m travelling around, you see…” Her voice teetered off, and she had the decency to look ashamed.
She attempted to carry on, but Light didn’t listen. He was quietly disgusted by her selfishness, but he hadn’t expected much better. Out of the few times he had met Aki in person, not one of them had left him with a good impression of her.
“I understand.” He told her, doing his best to keep his voice even. “Who’s my new guardian?”
The man in the suit rose, and took a few steps toward them. “Your father wrote in his will that if something were to happen to him, you should be looked after by his family friend. Alexei Lawliet.”
The name was foreign, and the man in the suit clearly struggled to pronounce it. Light had never heard of an Alexei Lawliet—his father had never mentioned him. Could he be a co-worker? Or just a friend?
Whoever he was, Light would be spending at least the next five years of his life with him. If he’d been friends with his father, Light imagined he couldn’t be too bad, since his father made a point of only befriending those he believed to be honest and kind. He sighed, doing his best to resign himself to his fate.
“When will I meet him?” He asked tiredly.
Aki took him to a hotel a few miles away from the police station, and checked them both into a small but comfortable room. She slept in the bed opposite his, and for the first hour after she turned off the lights, Light could hear her sobbing into her pillow, before her breath eventually evened out and she fell asleep.
Light didn’t remember falling asleep, and only caught an hour or two in the early morning. In his dream, he saw Sayu, wandering through the streets of Tokyo, her arms wrapped tightly across her chest. She called out their parents’ names—and occasionally his. Soon, he lost sight of her, and couldn’t seem to find her again.
He raced through streets, bleating out her name, his heart racing. She always seemed to be at the corner of his eye, but every time he thought he’d gotten close, she managed to slip away.
He was awoken when Aki began to gently shake him. For a moment, he forgot where he was, until his eyes focused and he saw Aki hovering above him.
“What is it?” He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.
“Lawliet-san is here to see you.” Aki said, looking flustered. “He’s in the lobby downstairs,”
Light reluctantly picked himself out of bed. His muscles burned, as if he has just run a marathon. He sat on the edge, waiting for Aki to continue.
Aki had already dressed and put makeup on, and was wearing an awkward, plastered-on smile. Light had no other clothes to change into, save the uniform he had been wearing yesterday, which was crumpled and wrinkly from lying on the floor for so long.
“Okay,” He said glumly, turning away from her and picking up his clothes. “I’ll go get changed.”
Once he’d changed back into his uniform, albeit with reluctance, Aki took him downstairs. She’s done her hair in a fancy up-do, and had changed from the jeans she’d been wearing yesterday into a more formal-looking dress.
When they arrived in the lobby, Light caught sight of two men and one woman sitting on the couches. They were all dressed in beautiful, expensive-looking suits, and were speaking in low, careful voices.
One of the men had slicked-back salt and pepper hair, and wore a good-natured grin. He clearly wasn’t Japanese, and even from where he was, Light could tell he was speaking with an accent. He seemed to be in his late-forties, and had a lean, hunched frame. His attention was on the woman, and they spoke in calm undertones. The woman wore large, dark, sunglasses, and her lips were painted crimson. Her bleached-blonde hair was partially obscured by a large, expensive hat, and she looked perfectly at ease.
The second man was the only one not smiling, and was watching the other two speak with a slight frown. Unlike the other two, he looked Japanese, and only added the occasional comment.
The woman caught sight of Light. She fleetingly eyed his crumpled clothes, but quickly tapped the foreign man on the shoulder and pointed him out. The man smiled, and beckoned him and Aki over.
“Lawliet-san,” Aki said, in an uncharacteristically meek voice. She bowed, pointedly avoiding the man’s gaze.
Oh. So that was Lawliet.
“Kurosawa-san.” Lawliet returned. He bowed, giving Aki a winning smile.
Lawliet’s gaze moved towards Light, who didn’t return his grin. Lawliet moved to shake his hand, but Light didn’t respond. Instead of looking offended, Lawliet merely chuckled.
“This is Yagami’s son?” He asked Aki, who nodded quickly. “How old is he?”
“He’s eleven, I believe.”
“I’m thirteen.” Light grumbled, with an indignant scowl.
Aki flushed, and laughed shakily. “Oh, of course. I forgot for a moment. I knew that.”
Lawliet ignored her, and grins crookedly at Light. “Come and sit down, Yagami-kun.”
Light did so, but with some hesitation. He didn’t like the looks of the people sitting with Lawliet, and something about the whole affair seemed terribly off.
Once he had sat down, Lawliet sat across from him.
“I’m glad I could meet you today, Yagami-kun.” Lawliet said, “Tell me something about yourself. What do you enjoy?”
Light presumed Lawliet was asking about hobbies—and he didn’t have any of those. He enjoyed tennis, but that was about it.
“I like tennis.” He said quietly.
“He’s very intelligent,” Aki piped in, “He has some of the highest test scores in the country—”
“So I’ve heard.” Lawliet said evenly. Wordlessly, he is telling Aki to stay quiet. “What’s your favorite subject, Yagami-kun?”
“I don’t know.” Light replied honestly, “Math, I suppose.”
Lawliet chuckled, as if this answer was immensely amusing. “Math, huh? I never liked it much myself.”
Although Light excelled in every area, he supposed he favored Math. He appreciated the black and white-ness of it all—things were either right, or they’re not. In a way, it was soothing.
“I was a close friend of your father’s, you know.” Lawliet said, “We used to work together.”
“He never mentioned you.”
“He’s joking,” Aki interrupted quickly, “He’s probably just forgotten hearing about you, I’m sure he has—”
“It’s alright,” Lawliet assured. “He may not have mentioned me, it’s understandable.” His looked back at Light. “You’ve probably heard, but your father wanted any of his children to be taken care of by me. We were friends during university, you see, I’ve always had your father’s complete trust.”
Light nodded dully.
“My home is about a mile outside of Kanto,” Lawliet continued. “It’s big. You’ll like it.”
Light didn’t care about how big Lawliet’s house was—he wanted his parents and Sayu back.
“I wish to homeschool you, if that’s alright. I know you’re intelligent, and I think it would be much more beneficial for you to work in an environment that goes at your pace.” Lawliet explained.
Light didn’t say anything, but he was glad that he wouldn’t have to go back to school. He’d always despised school, especially the nauseatingly slow pace that everything went at. Whoever his tutor was, Light doubted they’d be able to fully keep up with him, but it was better than having to wait for the rest of the idiots in his class.
“Such intelligence,” Lawliet said pensively, “Should be pushed to its full potential—especially at a young age.” He sighed, “I had a son, Lavrentiy. He reminds me of you. He was extremely intelligent. I wanted him to go into the family business, but I lost him.”
“I’m sorry.” Light said, unsure of what else he could say. Lawliet had probably heard those words over and over, but there wasn’t anything else he could say.
“Don’t be sorry. These things can’t be helped.” Lawliet waved his hand vaguely, “It was his own fault, really.”
Light was shocked by Lawliet’s bluntness, but said nothing. What could Lawliet’s son have done to make him believe his death had been coming to him?
“If it’s alright with you, I think you should personally return to your home to collect anything you want to take to your new home.” He nodded towards the woman, “Wedy can escort you.”
“Uh, when will I… be moving?”
“This coming Friday, most likely. You can go get your things next week, if that’s alright?” Lawliet replied, “You see, it’s still a crime scene, so you can’t go immediately…”
“I don’t mind.” Light muttered. “I can wait.”
“Good. I’m glad I could meet you, Light-kun,” Lawliet hesitated, “I can call you Light-kun, right?”
“Yes, it’s fine.”
Lawliet nodded. “Wedy will come and pick you up from the hotel in a few days, after the police are finished investigating. She’ll then take you back to your old house.”
“Alright.”
“Well, I’m sorry to cut this meeting short, Light-kun, but I have work to do. I hope we can talk more tomorrow?” Lawliet asked briskly. He rose from his chair, nodding at his companions to do the same.
Light stood and gave Lawliet a bobbing bow, and quickly looked away. He was tired, and wanted nothing more than to be left alone. Lawliet was affable enough, but Light didn’t want to talk to anyone, let alone how friendly they are.
“Besides, I understand if you’d rather be on your own.”
Lawliet offered his hand again, and this time, Light took it.
Wedy hardly spoke during their journey, and Light appreciated it. She was dressed in a designer pantsuit and boots, and was still wearing the large glasses that obscured half her face.
“Most of the police people should be gone.” She said smoothly, taking a tube of gloss out of her purse and applying it to her lips. “You should be free to get whatever you want.”
“Have they got any idea who did it?” Light asked quietly. His stared at his hands, folded neatly on his lap.
“As far as I’m aware, they believe it was a break and enter situation.” Wedy explained, with a slight sigh. “The criminal didn’t think anyone was in, and must have panicked and shot your parents when they saw them.” Her voice was clinical and emotionless, and Light was glad of it. Things were so much more bearable when emotions were omitted.
He nodded in acknowledgement, and stared out of the window. They were beginning to pass the buildings and houses close to Light’s home, and he felt sick.
Eventually, they stopped on Light’s street, and he trailed after Wedy down the sidewalk and to the house where he used to live. She fished out keys from her purse, and let them in.
The last time Light had been here, he’d found the bodies of his parents. He looked around cautiously, and to his surprise, the vast majority of the furniture had disappeared.
“Most of the stuff on this floor has been sold or taken away,” Wedy explained, as if she’d read his mind. “Your room should mostly be the same, though.”
There was a pause, in which of neither of them spoke. Wedy walked to other side of the room, looking bored, her the clicking of her heels echoing all around the room.
“I’m going to go upstairs,” Light muttered. He didn’t look back as he trailed up the stairs and into his old room.
As Wedy had said, it was virtually untouched. His pajamas were still draped over the chair by his desk.
Light had no idea what to look at first, so instead he sat down on the bed, and stared at the wall. There had never been many interesting things in his room. He slept here, and worked here. That was the extent of all the personality it’d ever had.
The only things of mild interest were the gifts he’d never touched and the tools he’d needed for school, as well as clothes and stationary. It was only as he had to pick through what he wanted to keep, that he realized how dull everything was.
Light only picked out a few items of clothing and photographs to take back in the end—because everything else meant nothing. He paused when he saw his old stuffed toys at the bottom of his wardrobe—but eventually decided to leave them, laughing at himself for even considering taking them. He hadn’t touched them in years, and he wasn’t a child anymore.
He stopped in Sayu’s room after he finished looking through his own. A few of her things had been taken out of her room, but mostly it was unchanged. There was still a line of her dolls and stuffed toys on top of her wardrobe and around her bed. She’d never had the heart to throw them out—even after she’d stopped playing with them. He loitered down the stairs after packing all his things in the suitcase Lawliet supplied him with. Wedy looked pleased to leave, and together, they make their way back to the car. Light didn’t bother looking back.
He didn't want to see the house. Quiet as it was, the voices of the ghosts was overwhelming.
Lawliet’s house was even bigger than Light had expected. Light had known Lawliet was rich, but he had no idea he was this wealthy. He didn’t even know what Lawliet did for a living, but whatever it was, it had to pay well.
His house was in the suburbs of Tokyo, and in a sleek, modern and expensive-looking neighborhood. The driver pointed out Lawliet’s house—which seemed to be the biggest of them all. Lawliet’s driver kept on chatting to him idly, talking about his family and friends, but Light was barely listening.
“What does Lawliet do?” He asked the driver, not bothering to mask his boredom.
“He runs a grocery store chain.” The driver replied.
“Must be a pretty successful grocery chain.” Light muttered, continuing to stare out the window.
The car drew up outside, then the driver stepped out and opened the door for Light. Light followed the driver towards Lawliet’s house, making sure to remain a few paces behind him. They stopped in front of the door, and the driver withdrew a key from his pocket, jamming it into the lock and turning.
The lobby was large and open, with vast windows staring out onto the street. From the outside, Light remembered they were tinted black. They must have been one sided.
“Uh, Lawliet-san?” The driver called nervously, shifting from foot to foot from bedside Light.
“One minute,” A modulated voice returned from the room next to them. From behind the door, Light could tell Lawliet wasn’t alone; he seemed to be talking to a number of people.
“Ah, I would stay, Yagami-kun, but I have other jobs to do. Is it alright if I…?” The driver asked.
“Yeah. That’s fine.” Light told him flatly.
The driver gave him an appreciative grin, and handed him his suitcase. Before Light could say any more, he was out the front door.
Light, unsure of what to do, hovered in the lobby. He felt like he should do something, but didn’t want to do anything without asking Lawliet first.
Eventually, a man appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed in a smart suit. He had silver hair, and a kind, wrinkled face.
“Light-kun.” He said, “I’m glad to finally meet you. I’m Watari, Lawliet-san’s butler.”
Light bowed, his gaze still on the floor. “Nice to meet you, Watari-san.”
Once Watari was down the stairs, he reached over and took Light’s suitcase, nodding towards the stairs. “Shall I show you to your room?”
“…Okay.” Light said, with a forced smile. It was only eight at night, but he was already inexplicably exhausted. All he wanted was to curl up and go to sleep.
“Your room is on the third floor, towards the back of the house.” Watari said briskly, dragging Light’s luggage up the stairs. “I can show you the rest of my home tomorrow, if you’re tired now…”
“Yes, I am a little, actually. Tomorrow is good.”
Watari smiled and nodded, and began to lead Light through various halls. Eventually, they stopped at a door on the end of a corridor. Watari opened it, and stood back, allowing Light to walk inside.
It was bigger than any of the rooms that had been in Light’s old house, and the furniture looked twice as expensive. The bed was wide and comfortable-looking, with plush, white pillows.
“There’s an en suite through there,” Watari said, pointing towards the door on the other side of the room. “Do you want me to show you around…?”
“It’s fine. I’d really rather go to sleep.” Light said shortly.
If Watari was offended, he didn’t show it. “Very well. As I said, Yagami-kun, I’ll show you around tomorrow.”
Light gave him a small smile, and once Watari was out of the door, slumped onto the mattress. It was just as soft as it looked—and Light hadn’t even pulled the sheets over his body before he drifted into an uneasy sleep.
He occasionally drifted off, only to awaken again, never quite staying asleep for long enough to feel refreshed when he woke up again. After the third or fourth time, Light decided the best cause of action would be to get himself a glass of water from downstairs.
There were no glasses in the bathroom, to Light’s dismay. He would have to go downstairs to get some instead. He was unsure of the time, as he couldn’t see a clock anywhere in his room, but hoped no one is awake downstairs. It seemed unlikely, judging from Light’s internal clock, it was at least 3am.
By some miracle, he managed to weave his way through the hallways and find the first flight of stairs. He remembered Watari mentioning that they were on the third floor, and he began to wander down, attempting to remain as quiet as possible.
Even in the dark, Light could tell there were no paintings on the walls, only wide windows looking onto the street—a few without curtains. The stairs seemed to go on forever, and Light was still half asleep, which made his movements clumsy and slow.
Eventually, he noticed a pale, yellow light at the bottom of the stairway. He squinted, realizing with some surprise that people must still be talking downstairs. His suspicions were confirmed as he moved closer and heard murmurs from through the door. They voices sounded oddly urgent, and it was only when he was a few yards away from the door itself that he could actually make out the individual words.
“As far as we’re aware, Lavrentiy isn’t in the country anymore.” A male voice said cautiously. He spoke with an accent that Light couldn’t quite place.
“He’ll come back, sooner or later.” Another voice replied, and Light recognized it as Lawliet. “He’s prone to acts of impulsiveness, but he’s not an idiot.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to do something about it?” It was Wedy this time, Light could tell. Her smooth, almost purring voice was unlike any other.
“Don’t bother, Wedy. It’s a waste of your time.” Lawliet told her dismissively. For the first time since Light had met him, he sounded slightly impatient. “Lavrentiy is unimportant, unless he decides to betray us, which I know he’s too intelligent to do.”
Light wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anymore, and instead jumped back and ran up the stairs as quickly as he could, without making a noise.