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Ah, an elevator free fall. How absolutely wonderful.
Dazai doesn't regret his decision to save Sigma, not in the least. Sigma has that look, that same one Atsushi and Akutagawa gave him, the same one he probably unknowingly gave Odasaku. Begging for a place to belong, begging to live long enough to find a home, begging to be saved.
So, no, Dazai doesn't regret pushing Sigma out of the elevator. If only one of them was going to survive, why should it be him? He hasn't done anything to deserve being saved in place of someone who has never done anything to deserve less than being allowed to survive. Sigma will survive, they'll get out. They'll get out of Meursault and find the ADA and they'll be fine. If the ADA could give someone like Dazai a place to belong, then they wouldn't even hesitate to take in Sigma, just like they did with Atsushi. Sigma will find their home, they'll finally stop being used.
And Dazai?
Well, Dazai has long since lived past what should have already been his expiration date. He's been running on fumes for as long as he can remember.
Falling to the fifth floor of the prison wasn't ideal; he wasn't crushed on impact, he wasn't even mortally wounded, rather he escaped relatively unharmed considering the circumstances. He's had a broken leg multiple times before this, it's not anything he can't handle. But...but what if he doesn't want to...?
Dragging himself down the hallways, pulling the limp leg behind him as he moved as quickly as he could, it finally caught up to him. The exhaustion. That bone-deep weariness he's been carrying on his shoulders since he was nothing but a young teenager wanting a painless and efficient way to die. And isn't that ironic? For someone who despises pain like Dazai, he really likes to put himself in some of the most dangerous roles of his plans. But this time, as he ignored the blood trailing behind him and practically threw himself against a wall, he couldn't think of anything but the pain. The simple pain he's felt so many times before was suddenly too much. It was all too much. He went into this knowing what it could lead to, but does that mean he had to be okay with it?
Sigma will get out. The ADA will be fine. They'll take down Fyodor. And they can do all of that without Dazai being there.
He set the stage, he gave the key players their roles, he made sure the floor was blocked off and the actors were moving according to the script. He did that. He's been doing that. And he's so done.
He's so tired.
"Hey," He looked up at the camera, trying to remember how to manipulate his expression into a light-hearted smile. "Come on, that's enough pain." He could practically see the arrogantly pleased smirk on that asshole's face. "Let me have a break."
A break. Something he'd never known until nights spent in a dark bar with two people who knew him, but could see who he was capable of becoming. Until days were spent eating spicy curry in a little shop with annoyingly endearing gremlins above. Until afternoons were spent leaning against the last remaining part of the only person he ever wanted to lean on when he was alive. Until mornings were filled with raucous laughter and eyes filled with light would look at him with affection. He's had such a small taste of taking a break compared to how he's lived the rest of his life until this point, but they can be so nice. So much more comforting than he deserves, but everything he's ever craved.
Maybe he'll meet Oda on this break...Maybe he'll finally be able to look at the only man who ever saw the good in him and pushed him to reach for it. Maybe he can finally meet Oda's eyes, look at him and tell him that he's tried. He's tried so hard to be a better person. To be a person who fights on the side of light and for others, rather than the one who hurts them. Tell him all about Atsushi and the blind faith the kid has in him that he doesn't want to take advantage of. Tell him about the ADA and his partnership with Kunikida, a person who obviously cares about him. Tell him about everything he's done to keep this little family safe. Tell him about Sigma and his plan to save them that worked. And maybe, just maybe, Oda will meet his gaze back and be proud of him.
Fyodor didn't respond to him or his request, not directly, but Dazai knows what his plan is. He knows exactly where Fyodor's head is at. This is all too easy for him. Chuuya is on his way.
And not the Chuuya who will threaten his life with one breath and yet protect it with his actions at the same time. Not the Chuuya who has no choice but to rely on him when it comes to corruption but trusts him wholeheartedly. That Chuuya is being used. His greatest fear being realized.
He doesn't want that Chuuya, his Chuuya to wake up after killing him and hate himself so thoroughly. But between the vampire descending on him rapidly, his broken leg keeping him from moving any further, the blatant exhaustion weighing him down, and that stupid poison still working through his system, Dazai doesn't have much of a choice...
And so, as Dazai watches the form of his rival, his partner, his best friend, his soulmate descend on him with the truest intent to kill that Dazai has ever been met with from Chuuya, he lets go and cries.
He cries for the boy he'll be leaving behind, for the family that trusted him, for the person he saved without a second thought. He cries for the devastation that will follow after his death. He cries for his partner and the knowledge that he will hate himself inside and out for killing Dazai. But more than that, he cries for himself. He cries and cries, more than he ever has in his entire life, manic laughter threatening to bubble up through his chest. He cries because he hates himself and has always wanted to die and he is just so tired, but he's not done. He doesn't want to be done just yet. He still has so much to teach Atsushi, he still needs to train the new generation of Double Black, and he has so many things he needs to make up for and so many things he needs to tell people. He's been a walking corpse his entire life, but now, with death glaring him in the face, he finds he wants to fight against it. He cries for everything he's lost. He cries for the lack of strength to fight anymore. His body has given up on him now. And he knows Fyodor is watching on with glee, and that only makes him cry more.
It's getting hard to breathe now with the crying and the blood loss.
It's getting hard to see now with the blinding panic and searing pain blotting his vision. But when he looks up, prepared and yet not ready at all to finally meet his end at the hands of someone he loves more than words, he's met with blue. Sky blue. Ocean blue. Human blue. And then everything goes black.