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“Hai hai, ADA!” A new voice says as they prance into the main office space. Their tone says civilian but their clothes and the fact that they have managed to get up here with no appointment—which is a itty bitty crime called trespassing—combines to tip the scales straight into mafioso. Oh and also, it was only the Port Mafia that used an acronym for their name. (Something that none of them seemed to notice, but Atsushi thought was quite funny.) “I’ve got an assignment for you to finish! A journey for you to complete! A mission for you to venture on!”
“...And you are?” Kyouka says, taking the end of her butterfly pen out of her mouth.
“I’m Hopkins! Gerry Hopkins, nice to meet you…”
Kyouka didn’t give the mafioso her name, “And just why are you here?”
“Hmpf. You do you kid, after all I’m not here for you! I’m here for a black and white cat!”
It gets so quiet that a pin could drop. Atsushi lowers his head so he doesn’t see all eyes turn to him, especially not brown eyes that belong to his oh so dear mentor that happened to be late this morning just to spite him. Of course Dazai was late when a member of the Port Mafia was over asking about a black and white cat.
There are times that Atsushi hates his job, but thankfully for everyone else, those times never include when he’s getting his paycheck. (Not to mean that he wouldn’t appreciate an even larger paycheck, but the money that he’s getting is most certainly better than nothing.)
“How big is this cat?” Tanizaki dares to ask. He has the desk right in front of Atsushi, so Atsushi gets to watch him look directly at him after asking his question. Atsushi doesn’t even need to raise his head to know that Kyouka is staring directly at him.
“Biggggggggg. Huggggggggge.” Hopkin says, spreading out their arms. Atsushi decides not to comment on how they’re elongating the consonants instead of the vowels and sounding like a chainsaw trying to start up instead of speaking words, “Big kitty. Very big kitty.”
Okay now Tanizaki is staring directly at him.
“Fine! I’ll go, I’m going.”
“Do I get to have your cookie if you aren’t back in time for lunch?” Kyouka says before Atsushi even has the chance to stand up straight.
“...No. I still want it.” Atsushi says. Kyouka pouts at him but Atsushi grew up around over a dozen kids who could scream and cry when they wanted attention—it wasn’t going to work. He turns to the mafioso, who winks at him and gives Atsushi a wide, slightly unsettling smile, “I’ll go with you, Hopkins-san.”
“Go with me?” Hopkins says, but Atsushi misses the confusion in their tone as he brushes past them. He’s too busy thinking how to confront Dazai about this whenever he turns up to notice that Hopkins turns and stares at him in complete confusion as he walks by.
Then Hopkins shrugs, and bounces down the stairs after Atsushi.
Hopkins is by far the chattiest Port Mafia escort Atsushi has ever had. For the first ten minutes at least, before Hopkins goes completely silent.
“You…good?” Atsushi asks as he glances behind him and sees that Hopkins is half-slumped over and stumbling forward, “Do you need to see a doctor.”
“I need to see some kind of doctor…” Hopkins mutters under their breath as they keep on stumbling forward, “Just keep walking, Atsushi-san. The sooner we get back, the sooner the cat can be found.” Hopkins straightens and half-heartedly pokes out her tongue at him, “Chuuya-san will be so proud of me.”
“I’m sure it’ll all go well. I’ll help however I can.” Atsushi insists. Hopkins doesn’t quite perk up, but they do start up conversation again. Atsushi hadn’t known that Chuuya was so attached to him, because Chuuya had been searching all over for him. It wasn’t all that strange that Akutagawa was helping him, but in the vents? Why the vents of the building?
It’s not as if Atsushi were likely to be hiding there.
“You shouldn’t have sent Atsushi away.” Kyouka says as Dazai walks into the office, a bit over three hours late. He’s just in time for lunch, which means it's time to start looking through the fridge for the second lunch Kunikida makes for him.
“And what do you mean by that, Kyouka-chan?” Dazai asks as he opens the container with Kunikida’s name and looks inside. To his disappointment, it’s a salad. He can see a layer of rice underneath as well as a few bits of canned crab, but not enough for his liking. Dazai doesn’t bother to check the lunch that has his name on it because Kunikida doesn’t like canned crab, “I’m sure he’s out having fun.”
“Well now that he’s not here, I can’t make him share his cookie with me.” Kyouka pouts.
Dazai doesn’t know what she’s talking about but he figures that if he plays along for long enough, he’ll piece things together.
“I’m sure he’ll be back soon. He’s not doing anything that difficult.” Dazai replies as he leans back on the couch and picks out a carrot stick, “Just give him time.”
“You say that, but operations with the mafia take time, Dazai-san.” Tanizaki remarks as he stretches and turns off his computer, “The last time you sent Atsushi out with them, he wasn’t back for a week and a half.”
“That was accounted for.” Tanizaki rolls his eyes like he doesn’t quite believe Dazai as Tanizaki takes his lunch from the fridge.
“So you know when he’s going to be back?” Kyouka asks as Tanizaki rushes downstairs past them to get to his sister, “It better be soon.”
“I do know that he’ll forgive you if you eat his cookie.”
Kyouka glares at him, “I don’t want him to forgive me. I want him to give it to me.” She hisses with conviction, turning away from Dazai with a small hmpf! and leaving him to his own thoughts for a spare few seconds before he hears more people come up into the main office. He can tell who it is by the footsteps, so he closes his eyes and leans back as Kunikida opens the door. He doesn’t need to see Kunikida to imagine the look in his eyes as he turns to the couch, sees Dazai, and then blows a gasket to give Dazai a show with his meal—
“If you feel like you’re lacking in nutrients after eating your lunch, then I am willing to give you my lunch as well. I am…willing to amend my schedule to allow me time to run down to a convenience store to buy myself something.”
Dazai blinks up at Kunikida, unaware when he first opened his eyes. Kunikida’s voice is clear and clinical as always, but adjusting his schedule…for him…willingly!?! Without any coercion or manipulation or even any planning? Just because of him?
“...I need an answer, Dazai.” Kunikida says. Dazai snaps back into the moment to find that Kunikida is giving him a concerned look, “Nevermind, I’ll start going. Help yourself to my food—where is Atsushi?”
“ Atsushi is—”
“Dazai sent him to the Port Mafia.”
“Without consulting me?” Immediately Kunikida is wearing his usual expression. Awe. Dazai misses that look. Kunikida looked quite handsome when he was concerned about him.
Passing by that revelation and after locking it in a box and tossing it deep inside his unconscious, Dazai says, “Oh…Yeah, I got no clue about any of that.”
…On second thought, maybe Dazai hadn’t compartmentalized as well as he thought he did.
“WHAT?!”
“What…are you doing here?” A too-familiar voice asks as the elevator doors open.
Hopkins pouts, “Boss, I was going to introduce him with a spark or something! You can’t just take away my shine like that!”
“And my question remains unanswered,” says the self-proclaimed Dog of the Port Mafia and the Atsushi-proclaimed Pain in the Ass, “What on earth is he doing here?”
“You guys were asking for a black and white cat. A big one.” Atsushi replies as he steps out of the elevator, “So tell me what’s going on because I’ve just walked halfway across Yokohama and it’s lunchtime.”
“...” Akutagawa ignores him completely, instead choosing to look straight past him to stare at Hopkins instead, “Hopkins, tell me exactly what you told him.”
“Uhh…first I said ‘Hai hai—’”
“Skip to the important part.”
“Oh, sure. I said I was looking for a black and white cat. A big one.” So you knew what you were saying wasn’t important?? Then why on earth did you start with that?
“...Well your presence makes more sense now.” Akutagawa says, finally directing his attention back to Atsushi who is getting inklings of bad things now.
“Oh, does it? Good. I was wondering how this guy was supposed to help us find Muscat!” Hopkins chirps behind them, “I’ll go and find Chuuya-san so he can stop worrying.” Hopkins disappears into a corridor, leaving only Atsushi and Akutagawa in front of the elevator. Atsushi feels vaguely ill from embarrassment.
“I thought you were a tiger, not a cat.” Akutagawa remarks after less than a second has passed.
“Shut up.” Atsushi replies, putting his head in his hands, “For my sake, just be quiet.”
“For my sake, I will keep on talking. We say ‘big, white and black cat’ and you think it’s you? I’m impressed, Jinko. Or should I call you something else…”
“You call me anything else and I’m going to punch you. Hard.”
“You’d risk putting me into a coma again?”
“Don’t make me answer that.”
“Why, because you think you couldn’t dedicate yourself to hurting me again, kitty?”
Atsushi raises his head out of his hands and fixes Akutagawa with the harshest glare he can. Akutagawa doesn’t even wince, instead he gives Atsushi a wink when Atsushi continues to glare at him.
“You just winked at me.”
“And what of it? It’s not as if anyone will believe you.”
…Okay, Akutagawa got him. Atsushi’s speechless.
“But you winked…at me.” Atsushi says, waving his arms around, “Who would I even tell! It’s me you just winked at Akutagawa! You hate me!”
Atsushi watches the gears turn in his head as Akutagawa’s steely facade crumbles a bit.
“I…did not think my actions through. Though let it be clear, we are enemies.”
“I never doubted that.”
“Neither have I.” Says a new voice whose appearance causes Atsushi to jump so high he ends up hanging onto the ceiling. Not because of the ability user touching him and controlling the effect of gravity, no that would save too much of his dignity.
“Oh. That’s why he thinks he’s a cat expert.” Hopkins remarks as they look up at Atsushi, holding their hand over their eyes like a visor, “He is a cat.”
“I’m a tiger!” Atsushi snaps back, glaring down at them. His hands, now claws, are wedged into the ceiling and he hopes that there is a way they’ll leave the room so he can unwedge himself, “My apologizes, Chuuya-san. There has been a communication error that led to my appearance here. I can return back to the Armed Detective Agency immediately.”
Chuuya whistles lowly, “You’re speaking more formally than normal…You’re stuck up there, aren’t you?”
“...Yes.”
After Atsushi is dislodged and embarrassingly placed on the ground, he gets his explanation.
“My cat has gone missing.” Chuuya shoves his phone into Atsushi’s face and well…that’s a pretty big colorpoint cat. Even wearing a top hat, “I can vaguely see where the mixup happened, but now that you’re here, you can help.”
“I..fail to see how I can help with that. My only advice would be a cabinet or something. If it’s been especially busy around here then Muscat could be hiding somewhere like that. Or she’s gotten herself trapped somewhere she can’t escape from. Sometimes the tiger likes small spaces but doesn’t quite think things through.”
“See. A perfect cat finder.” Chuuya pats his back, “Go with Akutagawa and find Muscat. I’ll pay you if you find her.”
Akutagawa remarks on it ten minutes later, much longer than Atsushi had expected. Akutagawa, despite his general demeanor and color pallet, could be quite chatty when he deemed fit. It was an annoyance most of the time, but Akutagawa had his good moments.
“If money is truly that tight that you’re willing to wait time searching for a lost cat, then the ADA isn’t paying you enough.” Akutagawa says while he’s using Rashomon to lower Atsushi back to the ground. He had just been looking in the vent for the signs of a missing cat and upon finding nothing, he didn’t even need to ask to be lowered.
“Eh, they pay me enough. Chuuya’s just going to pay me more. It’s basically a day off.” Atsushi shrugs, pulling away from Rashomon’s embrace, “What, is the dog of the Port Mafia worried about me?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Akutagawa snaps immediately, crossing his arms, “It is simply in my best interests that you stay in the ADA. It’s easier to keep on eye on you guys that way.”
“Or you could have an actual conversation with Kyouka. She’s not that scary you know.”
“She’s a teenager.”
…Okay, Atsushi has to give him that. He didn’t exactly deal with a standard teenager, but growing up in the orphanage was rough and only got rougher the closer he got to aging out of it.
“She’s not that scary compared to you. Who knows, she might want to talk to you if you actually start up a conversation with her.” Akutagawa’s gives him an unamused look which Atsushi ignores, “Speaking of Kyouka, I hope she hasn’t eaten my cookie yet. Better find this cat fast…are their any underfloor compartments?”
“Chuuya has one in his office in case of intruders, but wouldn’t that be the first place he’d check.”
“Not if you don’t have my ears.” Atsushi says as they round another corner and enter an office, “I bet that he thought about it, but dismissed it because he couldn’t hear any meowing.”
“But you can hear her.” Akutagawa says, trailing behind Atsushi as he walks into the room, using his ear to follow the faint sound of meowing until he comes to Chuuya’s desk.
“The compartment is right under his desk, isn’t it?”
Akutagawa nods, Rashomon coming over to shift the desk to the side as Atsushi gets on his knees to open up the compartment. Atsushi doesn’t have the chance to dodge before a screaming ball of fur throws herself at him, launching herself into his arms and knocking him over.
Muscat yowls in his face, pacing on his chest for a moment before she throws himself off his stomach and attaches herself to Akutagawa. She’s still yelling, but it’s more of a relieved mewl now that she has a familiar face.
Atsushi watches as Akutagawa hefts Muscat into his arms, petting the huge cat who folds into him and starts to purr. Akutagawa has his cute moments, Atsushi has long grown to accept that—but never with a cat. Especially a black and white one. Atsushi can’t help but feel a little jealous.
The jealous quickly disappears when Chuuya appears and Muscat completely abandons Akutagawa in favor of Chuuya. Atsushi watches as Muscat uses Akutagawa’s chest as a springboard, kicking him so hard that Akutagawa doesn’t complain when Atsushi rubs his back to soothe his wheezing.
“I’ll be counting on you more in future.” Chuuya says after it’s all been explained. Muscat, who is still distraught, refuses to get out of Chuuya’s arms and looks like a very small very fluffy fur coat, “Here, take this.”
Just as Atsushi takes the stack of bills from him, the ADA bursts in.
It takes too long for Atsushi to explain that no he hadn’t been recruited by the Port Mafia and he definitely wasn’t visiting his secret boyfriend (??????) and yeah, he was finding an actual black and white cat this time. (Muscat meowed loudly at this, causing Dazai to give her a look that was slightly worrying. What was more worrying was what he did next when he attempted to pet Muscat and had the cat launch herself at him.)
Which is where Atsushi is now, holding Muscat away from Dazai while Chuuya is bent in half over his desk, gasping from lack of air due to laughing too much.
“You cannot attack him.” Atsushi tells Muscat firmly, looking her straight in the eyes, “Yosano’s ability won’t work on him so he’ll just be suffering for however long it takes. And no one wants a suffering Dazai.”
“Mew.”
“While it might seem like a good idea in the moment, it wouldn’t work out long term. He’d just make in ten times worse.”
“Meow.”
“And you also shouldn’t want to hurt people!”
“Me ow.”
Atsushi gives Kyouka, who had just meowed at him, a sideways glance, “You’re not getting my cookie Kyouka, you don’t even need to ask.”
Akutagawa hisses next to him. Atsushi glares at him. The mafioso is badly repressing a grin. Atsushi hisses right back at him. Kyouka joins him and then Muscat joins her and they continue like that until Yosano coughs lightly and puts an embarrassing end to all that.
“I didn’t know there were so many cats in the vicinity.” Yosano remarks as Kunikida and Dazai hash out the details (because the ADA had broken into the building and caused several minor injuries. It would have been several major injuries if Kenji wasn’t out on an assignment), “Should I invest in some catmint?”
“Not needed.” Atsushi says flatly.
“What do the other three cats say?” Yosano rubs Muscat’s head.
“I refuse to dignify that comment with a response.”
“I’m not a cat, Yosano-san.”
“Meow.” Goes Muscat, pressing her head against Yosano’s hand.
“Okay so one order of catmint.”
Atsushi is glad to know that he has three other pairs of eyes giving Yosano the most unamused look they could. Then Akutagawa and Kyouka share a look and Atsushi thinks oh good they’re getting along better —before they jointly point at him and say, “One order of catmint for that one.”
Atsushi glares at them, failing to notice that he was sporting a lashing black and white tail until Muscat jumped out of his arms to bat at it.