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The loud pounding on the door echoed in the hallway of the small apartment building.
Heero knew that the occupant would be embarrassed and angry at disturbing the other residents of the building; but right then he didn’t care.
He was desperate.
That dreaded interview had happened the week prior. The one where Heero just stood stunned by what was being said.
Immediately afterwards, a message had pinged on Heero’s phone from Duo that said simply: So that's it, huh . The immediate phone call when Heero saw the message had been ignored. Every message wasn't even read. Since then there hadn’t been a single acknowledgement from the other man.
Heero knew because he tried every means of contact he could imagine. Trying to break the stonewall that Duo was putting up. He tried to reach out and explain the situation. Explain everything, despite knowing that Duo wouldn’t be very forgiving in this context.
It had gone too far. Heero knew that.
He’s known that for a long time. Yet, no matter when he tried to say something or break away a very clear panic took over. He would be rendered useless. That fear, that cowardice had done nothing but prevail. Which was why he was here, pound on the door, calling out his lover’s name and begging for him to just open the door. To do acknowledge that he was still there. Prove that Heero hadn’t completely lost everything by accident.
He knew he painted a picture of a ‘hot mess’ as Duo would say. Could hear it in his gravelly tone in his head. Right then he felt it too, deep in his bones. Remorse hung heavy off his shoulders, weighing his back down. He could feel his body violently shake from the vain attempts to keep back the sobs that wanted to burst out of him in high wails.
Heero felt the wetness on his cheeks. Felt his breath hitching in a panic as he stared at wooden door to an apartment. His fist pounded harder on the door, desperately. Wanting the occupant to open the door one more time.
Let him in.
Just one more time.
He was going to make this right this time.
However that ended up looking. He was willing to do anything, if only he had a chance.
He wasn’t going to let his overwhelming need for duty override his own personal desires again . He wasn’t going to let her take over his life again. He wanted—
He wanted Duo.
That had never changed. But he… he messed up somewhere in the years since the war. He was such a mess of confusion and need to feel useful. To pay for the bloodshed done by his hands. To make sure that no other child soldiers had to be born. They shouldn’t be living like this. There shouldn’t be such a separation between them.
He had to prove it this time. That he was his first choice. That everything with her wasn’t real. It never had been.
He had to somehow make him believe it, this time.
Had to show it.
If only Duo would let Heero in…
Annoyed violet eyes stared at him from the bed, watching as Heero finished tying his boots. He was already dressed, his usually pressed shirt wrinkled from hot, desperate fingers digging into the soft silk before being discarded to the floor. His pants were pulled on but not closed yet. He still had to tuck in his shirt but that was always the last step.
He could feel those eyes staring at him and knew he couldn’t look back. Not now, or else he will break down and crawl into those warm arms and sleep. As much as he wanted that, he had an obligation to return back to the manor for the early morning flight. He was required to stand by her side, dressed sharply to compliment her own attire.
And he had left that back at the manor.
They were meeting with foreign dignitaries to implement sanctuaries for the homeless problem that still inhabited the colonies. It was a huge stride, a signing of papers to help lift those people who lost everything in the war and were never able to recover from it.
There was help being given out finally. Help and hope for a better future.
Having Relena inside one of the most volatile colonies was dangerous. Outside of congress talks and actually being on the colony, no one knew how violent and close to revolt the entire place was. The people wanted better money, better infrastructure, and basic needs. Relena and her power within ESUN were finally doing something about it.
Heero could not in good conscience let someone else ensure her safety as she went up against the megacorps that still ruled over the lower class in L2. Her goal was to shine a light into the dark depths of his lover’s home. Show the corruption and backwards ways that still lingered even this far past the end of the war to grant the colonie sovereignty.
Duo would be thrilled when he found out what it was, but Heero was under NDA until things were finalized. He couldn’t wait to see how Duo would respond. He had been pushing for something to happen after hearing the horror stories from his lover. It wouldn’t erase the pain that Duo endured, but they all had wanted a better future.
Heero was ensuring that there was a better future.
He knew turning back would lead to distraction. Because that's what Duo completely represented. A distraction of the best kind. The creamy skin with freckles across his shoulders and back like star charts, meant to be explored over and over. His blistering hot skin that helped soothe Heero’s sore muscles when he curled in against him. The smell of his shampoo and the feel of his silking rope of hair.
That’s it, then?” Duo’s gravelly voice cut behind him. It echoed in Heero straight to the core, as it always did. The disenfranchised whistle that followed only made him flinch more as Duo continued, “We’re now at the fuck and run, part? Damn. Didn’t know we had to do everything backwards, buddy.”
The sound of a warm body wiggling under cotton sheets sounded loud inside the room. Heero focused on methodically tying his boot back up. “I am required in the early a.m.”
“Tsh, that shoulda been expected. You even live at the mansion just so you’re at her beck and call,” Duo grumbled darkly as he got up and out of the bed. Heero’s eyes couldn’t help but stray up to the naked man walking across the room to the overly packed dresser.
Duo had filled out in the years. But the essence of his boyhood still flourished in his figure. Strong shoulders gave way to gangly arms. Small waist led into lean hips. The plump ass gave into lithe legs.
Flashes of feeling those legs tightening their grip, holding Heero in place as Duo took what pleasure he wanted. Heero’s eyes averted their gaze as Duo pulled out underwear to cover himself.
“Don’t let that door hit you on the way out,” Duo’s bitter tone cut as he refused to look at Heero as he passed on the way to shower. He paused before closing the bathroom door to yell, “Just leave the key under the mat again, asshole.”
Heero stood, the urge to make things not so bitter when he left coursing through him. His mind cycled through scenarios that would bring that grin back to Duo’s face. Make the small dimples amplified in his cheeks. Crinkle up his eyes in joy or just… forgiveness at this point. He would take anything positive to shake the cold way Duo was acting.
He knew the simple way would be just to go into the bathroom, shed his clothes and join him. Duo always invited him to shower afterwards. Or did…
Didn’t they used to do that?
Their first time exploring each other’s bodies was aboard Peacemillion in the small shower cubicles. They snuck into each other’s showers after that every chance they could. Heero had easily become addicted to the feel of Duo’ burning skin, his lips and the distinct sounds he made in pleasure.
Pleasure that only Heero could pull from him.
When had that stopped?
Just as he made up his mind to at least make up to Duo before he left, his phone chirped in his pocket. His watch blinked the message from Relena with the question I need to go over the itinerary with you before we sleep. Hurry home.
Heero felt like a coward when he left without saying anything to his angry lover in the bathroom. He knew he should have.
Regret was a bitter pill to swallow. It cut a gaping wound where your stomach should be. It swallowed everything else there was in life. Left you empty and distraught.
He had thrown so many opportunities away, thinking that he had time to make up. For the first time in years, his paranoia and anxiety’s reaction to check the finances of Duo’s private account paid off. Heero saw the deposit on the movers, deposit on a storage unit. Saw a shuttle purchase, but he couldn’t figure out where it would be headed too. All he knew was that Duo was going to leave.
Duo was going to disappear.
In hindsight, the signs were there. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. He saw the tells, the building back up of Duo’s immaculately constructed persona. He didn’t know what to do, or why he was pulling away for the longest time. Heero promised himself that it would just be till after this– and another thing popped up that he was needed for. There was always something, he realized too late. There would always be something, especially with Relena.
He knew that this last incident was it. The final straw for Duo. He knew that with all the missed calls, unanswered messages were piling up.
That dreaded live broadcasted interview would be the thing that broke them entirely.
The reporter asked so innocently. Asked about when they would tie the knot together. The princess and white night, a national love story. An annoyance for Heero, but that never mattered. He knew where his heart belonged. Anything with Relena was all for show, not based in reality.
It never mattered till he heard her response. Felt her fingers grab his hand and gave him a heated look that spoke of it not being fake for her. She looked every bit as the politician she was. Cunning, conniving, and absolutely believing that she had her prize.
Something clicked then in Heero’s head.
Duo always kept saying that was her goal, to find the right combination of pretend that would trap him from being able to say no and not go through with her plans. Was this what he was talking about? Because she looked like she had won something right then. There was a glint in her eye that had Heero feeling so put off he couldn’t even think to say something against the allegations.
The coldness settled into his entire being as she discussed possible venues. Probably places for honeymoons. Their matrimonial bliss there after.
Heero had still been in the colony and unable to just simply go over to Duo’s apartment to talk to him. No one was paying attention to what it was that Relena and the governing force were trying to accomplish. Instead, everyone was only focused on their apparently pending nuptials. It stoked a cold rage inside of Heero. He wanted to go home. No, not home. He wanted to go to the apartment where Duo was. Admit that he was right, that Relena was trying to be manipulative. Figure out what to do next. How to keep her safe, let her be able to continue the good work she does outside of their…
He regretted not checking his phone, not initiating a text to Duo. To sooth something. No, he stood frozen in place, angry and flabbergasted that this was reality. That he let this happen.
Duo could very well already be gone. No one could blame him, especially not Heero in this instance.
He felt immediate regret. Remembered the way Duo kept pulling away. How his promises felt like lies.
His knees buckled as no one came to the door. He was too late. The live broadcast had tipped Duo into just running. The only one who could actually disappear from his life was already gone.
His hand came up and covered his mouth, preventing the nausea from manifesting further. His eyes stared down at the plain concrete.
A fresh wave of desperation washed over him as he tried the door again, slamming his fists against the wood. Heero was trapped by his decisions and he regretted every single one that made those purple eyes dull with sadness.
He was trying to do good by him.
He really was.
Heero just wasn’t any good at doing good by people.
Their first kiss was a rushed affair. There was so much at stake, so little time left. Every time they left, the chances of them surviving grew slimmer. Every one of them were exhausted. Down to the bone.
Duo was always a risk taker, much as he complained about the risks themselves. It only made sense that it would be Duo who initiated anything. Heero would have just let things simmer, unsure what to do with the desire.
He was geared for his next mission, about to enter the hangar to board his mobile suit when he was abruptly slammed against the metal wall. He blinked away his shock as his vision was filled with the most brilliant purple eyes he had ever seen.
Why hadn’t he noticed how they shone in the light? They found any trace of light and used it to its advantage. Heero tried to classify that color of purple, then. Yet he could never pin it down. At that moment, they were royal purple, dark with an intensity that set Heero’s blood on fire. An indescribable want rocketed through him, but he was still so at a loss as to what it even meant.
They stared at each other, that want palpable between them. The need for something to happen started to crawl across Heero’s psyche. He cleared his throat and lifted his arm to put on Duo’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure if he pulled him in or if Duo surged forward. Because all he knew was he was about to protest lingering before the mission; then there was a hot press of lips against his. A wet, snaking tongue licking along his lower lip.
Electricity shot through Heero.
He was suddenly overwhelmed by the way Duo felt against him.
He could feel the jut of hip bones pressing into his suit. Could feel long, snaking fingers tangling in his hair and pulling him harder into the wet exchange between their mouths.
Because it was an exchange. For the first time, Heero knew what to do with this desire. He knew to chase it down into that hot mouth. Knew to grab Duo’s smaller waist and yank him hard against him. He felt a leg move between his legs, felt a promise of something more.
Oh, how he needed more.
He could feel how hot Duo’s body was even inside the suit.
They broke apart long before Heero was ready.
“You’re not allowed to die out there,” Duo said thickly, his face dusted in a dark shade of pink, amplifying the freckles that teased his nose and round cheeks. “Y’hear me, right? None of that savior bullshit. You gotta return that to me.”
Heero could only stare back dumbly, overwhelmed by taking in every detail of the boy before him. Listening to how thick his voice sounded. How his breath puffed against Heero’s nose and it made that hot desire course only faster through him.
“So, come back. Return that to me,” Duo said before touching Heero’s lips. “I’ll want it back.”
Through the fog of his brain, Heero finally found words. He had so many questions, but instead all he could ask, “Want what back?”
Duo grinned happily, his laughter filling the corridor for a moment as he released Heero. Which was the exact opposite of what he wanted right then. It took everything for Heero not to follow that enticing smile with long hair floating in the low gravity.
“The kiss of good luck, y’know?” Duo said, winking impishly at him before pushing off down the hall with a wave over his shoulder.
Heero wanted to return that exchange with interest.
Duo hadn’t answered any of the pings. Hadn’t answered phone calls. At least the number wasn’t disconnected… yet .
Signs that he had lived here at all were all missing.
The ugly doormat that Duo had proudly picked up at a thrift store and little hanging sign of a grim reaper Duo had gotten from Quatre as a housewarming gift were missing. Heero desperately blinked, hoping that either would magically appear before him.
Yet with every blink, the plain concrete stared back at him. A plain door whispered he was too late. With every shaky breath he exhaled, nothing changed. He was losing it.
The last conversation (was it an argument?) still rattled in his head, not taking the warning for what it was. Duo was tired, he said. He was tired of being a dirty secret. Tired of being second best. He just wanted to be first, for once.
His phone was too busy vibrating in his pocket, causing a distraction between them.
Heero had listened to him. Heard him loud and clear, but he didn’t ever remember reassuring him. Not in any big way, other than his words which sounded hollow even to himself. He had cupped Duo’s face and made a promise that he was first choice, but then immediately left when one of the other security asked about his whereabouts.
He meant his words, though. No matter how bitter they tasted. Just hadn’t had the chance to deliver. Things got complicated. There were more complications than there were fixes to the gap between them. Heero desperately wanted both worlds, craved both with every fiber of his being. Yet…
Heero knew one day he would have to choose.
He didn’t like the ugly answer that choice meant.
Worse, he was suspecting that Duo would be the one to make it for him.
A final thump of his fist against the door never sounded. Instead his arm pitched forward as Heero collapsed into the open doorway.
If he was a religious person, Heero would have shouted his praise and thanks. But he wasn’t, not to any metaphorical god. Instead his eyes fell upon familiar feet before him with water droplets falling around him.
The realization had Heero’s eyes shooting upwards in a desperate need to see him there, live and in the flesh. He hadn’t gone yet.
Duo hadn’t just left like he expected.
He could handle the cold glare, the thinned lips and irritated demeanor just because he was still there. The cold, dull purple of his eyes.
Heero still had a small chance of correcting the course of action. Of fixing things. Of making the right decision for once.
Relief flooded Heero, giving him the first breath of air in what felt like forever.
Duo’s mouth was hot. His core temperature ran hotter than anyone else Heero had ever been around. He had worried that he was feverish the first time they tangled like this together. But Duo had simply laughed at him and pulled him back into another kiss.
That was when Heero realized that he never liked to answer direct questions.
Heero drowned in that heat. The hot silken skin under his calloused fingers that nearly burned with each touch. When that mouth wrapped around his cock, he completely melted. He wanted to give the world and everything over to the man pleasuring him.
He was lost till the chime of his phone pulled him back from the brink. He stole a quick glance at his watch, reading the message from Relena demanding to know why he wasn’t the head guard on duty for a parliament meeting.
He dropped his arm and tried to lose himself in the pleasure once more till his phone began ringing. A sudden panic rushed through him, wondering if Relena was actually in trouble and he fumbled to answer his phone.
He felt the hot pressure remove itself from his cock entirely. His eyes met annoyed indigo, peering up at him between his legs.
Heero gave a tight expression before leaning forward to kiss his lips briefly, “Just give me a moment.”
Duo flopped onto his side, a scowl pulling his features into a nasty caricature of his usual self. “Sure, whatever you say, bud.” He snapped bitterly.
Heero answered Relena, the concern fading into a cool relief when she sounded fine and just wanted to go over the details of her guards for the trip in a week. He did try to get off the phone, but she would not let him go. He couldn’t hang up
Eventually, the frustration from his lover hit a plateau and he jumped off the bed. He yanked up a pair of shorts before announcing loudly, glaring coldly towards Heero, “You know what? I’ll just order pizza.”
Flat, cold purple eyes stared down at him, water rolling down his body dressed in only a small towel. It was distracting. But it was also such a relief to see Duo in all his glory. Milky skin, splattering of freckles across his shoulders. His wet hair falling in cascades around his body.
Heero swallowed back the lump that formed. But he made sure to keep his own eyes from straying too far. That wasn’t why he was here, it wasn’t. Duo was more than just sex to him.
Their eyes lingered on each other for a long time. Enough time that Heero began to worry if this was just a figment of his imagination taking over. Hallucinations brought about by grief.
But eventually, Duo broke. With a loud, dramatic sigh he stepped back to allow the crumpled frame kneeling at his doorway entry. Gripping the towel that covered his waist tighter, he growled out, “Get in here, Yuy.”
Heero was quick to stand as Duo pushed the door open further to make the invitation clear but turned to walk further into the apartment till the sound of the bedroom door slammed shut..
Despite his desire to follow Duo into the bedroom, the closed door was enough of a comment about where they were standing at present more than anything.
An eerie quiet prevailed throughout the apartment with Duo’s absence. Heero couldn’t place why it felt so off. Then he realized slowly, there was no sound anywhere. There was no radio playing music, or a tv running to drown out the silence. None of those items were even present in the room. Instead, there were a few boxes with indications of what was inside them.
The touchstones of Duo finally learning how to live in one location, all packed away to be put in storage.
“Come on in, let me give you the nickel tour, ‘Ro,” Duo said happily as he greeted Heero at the door. He opened it wider and invited him in, excited lavender eyes trailing along the lines of his body, causing Heero to shiver.
The ‘nickel’ tour was abruptly derailed by Heero pressing Duo against a wall and kissing him to madness.
The laughter filling his ears made his heart soar.
It should have always been like this.
They christened each surface inside the apartment with hot open mouth kisses, and desperate hands. Moans followed the laughter, echoing off the empty walls like a chorus to their lovemaking.
When they had found themselves spent, laying on a pile of collected blankets and sheets, Heero finally noticed that there was hardly anything inside the two bedroom apartment. A table with five chairs plush cushions being the only purchases yet inside the space. Even the ‘bed’ for which they ended up in was nothing more than a pile of a few blankets and two pillows.
Duo had claimed the table with chairs as the highest priority for him to purchase, but other things would be coming in as well. When prompted why he was putting off buying more furniture, he first tried to dodge the question by explaining that he had this idea that a home was made around tables, since that’s what was shown in movies. Families sitting at the dinner table, discussing life decisions or delivering news. Heero, trying to guess why he was avoiding answering pressed on, even going so far to offer to purchase more of the furniture if money was the issue.
Duo had cupped his face gently, a wet sadness filling those purple pools as he murmured against his lips, “Saa, buddy, I’m saving buying more furniture when I need a pop of ol’ naturale feel good chems when you leave me again.”
Heero did not know what to do with that sadness, but he longed to take it away. So he simply kissed those enticing lips and responded, “It won’t be for much longer. I promise.”
When the bedroom door finally opened, Duo came out fully dressed. He had even gone so far as to put socks on his feet, a clear sign that he was armored up. Heero should have expected such a thing, but it still stung. Duo had taken great pleasure in not having to worry over socks, letting his toes free in the open air.
He wiped at his face, swallowing thickly as he watched as Duo didn’t even glance at him as he made his way into the kitchen. The lack of acknowledgement sat heavier against his chest than anything else. They normally couldn’t keep their eyes off each other in the same room, yet the lack of that purple gaze was worse than any of the silence he had experienced.
Without warning, there was a water bottle thrusted into his face and a glower from his lover. He took the bottle but didn’t open it. “Duo–”
“Nah, Yuy,” Duo cut him off, sitting down hard on the coffee table to face him. The last name stung.
Heero was aware of Duo’s penchant for establishing how he was feeling towards a person by what name he addressed you at. He had hoped for a first name. His stolen name. He knew it would be too much to ask for his nickname. But the stolen last name– he knew to be ready for a fight. A detached Duo was never an easy means to deal with.
“You know why I got a two bedroom apartment?” He continued on, crossing his legs delicately. Guarded. He was guarding himself from Heero while talking. It wasn’t the first time, but it still felt disorienting. It made the nausea from earlier return with a vengeance.
Duo was quiet, waiting for an answer from Heero. But all Heero found himself capable of doing was stare at him, his eyes taking in every detail once more of his lover. The changes through the years. The bags under his swollen eyes. He had been crying at some point. Recently.
Heero tore his eyes away to stare down at his hands. His mouth opened, hoping to hear his own voice somehow say something profound. To answer the question, to say the right thing for once. Do the right thing for once. But nothing came out.
The silence detailed the chasm between them.
They were once madly in love with each other. It once was all heat, passion and fire between them. There was camaraderie, understanding and lust mingling in an intoxicating way. Now…
Now it was this biting emptiness.
He felt more than saw Duo shift around on the table in front of him. Then he spoke. Had Heero been anyone else who hadn’t spent so much time trying to learn the small tells of his lover, he would have thought that Duo was fine. That nothing was bothering him. That this wasn’t reality.
That Heero hadn’t just failed him once more.
“Make it more appetizing for you to live here. Y’know, with me,” Duo answered sadly, rubbing the back of his head. It was followed by a chuckle, one that screamed of embarrassment.
He never knew how to talk to Duo like this.
Heero’s way of communication was always tactile than anything. He could express what he meant or felt with touch. Could provide context. But Duo was guarded still, giving clear indications of not wanting to be touched by Heero at all. Heero knew from the manic darting of Duo’s eyes, that any tactile stimulation would have Heero laid out on the floor.
Or worse, Heero responding to a preconceived threat that Duo always had the potential of being. Regardless if that had been Duo’s intent or not to harm him. Everything was too delicate and high stress to risk triggering the fight complex.
“Have your own space, y’know?” Duo continued, a sigh following through with his words as he leaned forward, crossing his arms over his knee. “Shoulda known better, eh? Your queen gave you an entire wing. You don’t have to do your own laundry, or dishes. Fuck, you don’t even have to pick up your own mail or any of that bullshit. But I dunno, I hoped –stupidly – that this could be enticing. Sex, home cooked meals, movies on the couch. Ordering pizza and sitting around in our underwear. Getting a dog or something.”
“It does–” Heero started but a hand shot up to stop him. Cold eyes flashed with the L2 ethereal beauty.
“I never said it,” he snapped out sharply, the lethal beauty that intoxicated me at first rearing its head. “It's why I’m saying it now. Probably shoulda said something before. Been, I don’t know, clearer? Not sure I coulda been, but maybe that’s my bad.”
“It was clear. I wanted to,” Heero carefully said, the words feeling thick in his mouth. “I wanted all of this. With you.”
There was a head tilt from Duo, his long braid coiling against his jeaned thigh. “Past tense, eh? Damn, that’s cold. Even for you, Yuy.”
Somewhere along the lines they had lost sight of their goals together.
More so, Heero had. Duo hadn’t. He was just tired of waiting around for Heero to catch up. It was glaringly obvious now.
“That’s not– Duo–” Heero protested, struggling more and more as everything that Duo was saying sounded more like a splitting from each other than coming together.
He knew to expect it. Didn’t mean it still didn't hurt. Didn’t still surprise him that this was the reality he was coming too.
He didn’t push her arm away from his waist as she leaned in against him anymore. He didn’t reject, freeze or counter their status as the camera’s implied they were a couple. Relena simply spoke for both of them in interviews, when he was taken as her plus one to events. It was more common now, than before. Half the time, he was not part of the security detail anymore.
Something about a conflict of interests, apparently. But it wasn’t. Yet, somehow she convinced him to play along with being a couple. That the way to ensure her safety, her security as she continued to bring about global peace, was to pretend that they were a couple. The savior of the planet and the queen to rule them. Her words made sense, in a fairytale sort of way.
The public needed a fairy tale to believe in.
So he stopped correcting her when she was asked about their ‘status’. She began to overtly state that they were now a couple, much as it burned Heero’s core.
Much as it made those lilac eyes burn with a cold simmering hate when Heero finally was able to go over to Duo’s apartment.
Heero wasn’t entirely sure what was happening anymore. He felt the chill in his bones when he stood next to Relena. When there were pictures taken of them together. She gave playful giggles as she covered her mouth at the prompting questions regarding if they were a couple or not. She always played it coy. A tart, as Duo would call it. He called her actions a lot of things, most of them derogatory now. The word used most often lately had been manipulative, but Heero disagreed. She wasn’t manipulative.
Heero had been around manipulative people, and Relena was nothing like the doctors in their lives. She wanted only the best results.
Both Heero and Duo were well aware that she flirted with the idea of them being an actual couple. They had… discussed it. Duo was not pleased with the results, but he said he couldn’t fault him.
It had been fine, for the most part. Sort of. It had been fine at some point. But then…
She came to assume she had some say in his life on where and who he saw because he lived with her at present. It made sense to Heero to stay there since his obligation to her (and himself) was to keep her safe.
But something had broken inside of Duo when Relena had convinced Heero to play along at being a pretend couple. But this little leniency had done nothing good to Heero’s stance in his personal life. Duo hadn’t been as understanding, surprisingly. He had lashed out in anger and frustration. Those endless purple depths had closed off for the first time to Heero.
It had been so jarring, he almost called Relena and said the farce could not happen.
But he only agreed to keep her safe. This was the best possible way. It allowed him access to any of the parties, because he was not going as a bodyguard, but her lover. The cover was too perfect. How could he not take full advantage of it?
He was uncomfortable with the changes in the dynamics of his working life and his personal life. But discomfort was nothing new to him. But the fact that Duo was pulling away rocked something in his very core.
He knew he had messed up somewhere, but he didn’t understand how bad.
Duo’s burning indigo eyes met his from across the rooms, lingering on his form. Devouring every part he could see and it made Heero shiver. He felt the heat of that gaze burning him. But it wasn’t lust. It wasn’t love.
It was rage.
Rage that Heero could not deny that Duo deserved to have. Heero was sick of having his life split so distinctly between the two things he needed post war.
He had to be the one to ensure she enacted the peace he was so desperate to spend with Duo.
It was getting exhausting for Heero to have to justify it over and over to Duo through the years.
Heero kept promising it was only for a while longer, that this wasn’t forever.
At some point, it started to taste like lies even to himself.
“I don’t mean past tense,” Heero said forcefully, shifting closer to his lover who merely leaned back. “She surprised me and put me in a precarious situation.”
“That’s what she's good at, bud,” Duo snapped harshly. “You let her manipulate the situation and then just placate me. That’s been the trend, and I’m over it. I am not playing third fiddle to your little duet.”
Heero felt another wave of tightness clamp around his throat with hot tears pooling in his eyes till his vision was blurry. “Duo– that’s not– you are my chosen partner.”
“Sure as fuck doesn’t feel like it,” Duo’s retort came out, sharp like a knife. “Does she even know you’re actually seeing someone?”
Heero felt his face grow hot and he looked away.
“That’s what I’m talking about.” Duo coldly replied, his voice measured. “You’re not being honest with any of us, Yuy.”
Heero winced once more at the last name being how Duo was referring to him. He swallowed thickly, his hand moving to touch his knee, wanting desperately to reach his lover, “Duo–”
Duo slapped his hand away, his eyes flashing coldly as he looked at him. “Nah, not gonna do that, asshole. Ain’t no sugar covered words and soft touches gonna make me suddenly just forget what’s actually happening here, bub. I’ve been patient, been kind enough to grant you the space. Fuck, I’ve been willing to be used and left forgotten for your need of purpose. But you’re using me, and I’m not gonna stand for that a single minute more.”
“You promised!” Duo’s snarled, the cup being pitched in his hand to shatter behind Heero’s head. “There was nothing there! That this was– this was real!”
“It is real,” Heero replied plainly, unflinching from the assault of the porcelain plate that Duo had bought during one of the longest runs away from each other. They were blue with flecks of purple along the edges. Duo justified the outrageous price point on the dishes as a means to chasing the ‘good brain chems’ while Heero was away.
That longing was being shattered.
He had anticipated the retaliation. The fact that it wasn’t aimed at his head spoke louder than words. It spoke of Duo’s frustration and hurt but inability to break from Heero. To break this off. Heero knew he didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure about Duo, anymore.
They both were floundering as to what to do to fix it.
“It is real,” he reiterated, trying and failing to find the words to articulate what he meant. How he felt. He spoke better in action, words failed him all the time. But each step he took towards Duo ended with another piece of his dining set being hurled at him.
Heero hated it just as much. He wanted this little apartment, wanted this life Duo had been creating. With the plants, paintings and his own drawer full of clothing for his use.
But he had a duty to Relena. He had a purpose next to her. There were reasons for all the suffering he had inflicted on the world when he stood next to her. But here inside this little apartment, it was nothing but ugly truth.
“Then what the fuck was that?”
Heero didn’t have an answer that didn’t sound like a lie or excuse. So he didn’t answer.
He too had been just as surprised with the announcement, Relena having not consulted him about a change in their fake status before she announced it to the world.
Heero hadn’t even been aware that she had given that interview till he was on the shuttle back to Duo’s.
“I have been trying to keep my work and personal life separate,” Heero said quietly, staring down at the brown carpet.
Duo let out a humorless laugh at that. Going so far to slap his thigh loudly before dropping the charade, “Bullshit. You want both worlds. She does something for you, in your head, and you’re addicted. But I’m the nice warm hole you like to shove your dick in.”
Heero winced at the accusation. “You’re more than that.”
“Sure,” Duo snapped sharply before he shot up to his feet to begin pacing around the packed boxes. Heero had to remind himself that Duo wasn’t gone just yet, he was delaying. He wouldn’t have packed boxes if he meant to just completely shut him out. “That’s why you’re engaged now.”
“It’s a cover,” Heero insisted, letting his eyes trail along Duo’s lithe frame. He looked thinner, closer to that of his teenage years than what he had filled into in his adulthood. When had that happened? Was Duo not eating correctly? “The relationship has always been a cover. We figured that by having me masquerade as her boyfriend I would be allowed into all events and venues for her protection–”
Duo snarled in his face, “Fuck her protection.” There was a rude gesture accompanying his exclamation as he leaned in close enough that Heero could smell his shampoo, “It stopped being about her protection a long time ago. And fuck you, for being to thick skulled to realize it.”
But he had. He wanted to plead that he finally was wising up to what Duo had been saying. But his words were caught in his throat staring at the pure, unfiltered rage hiding behind those cool violet eyes.
Heero was cold now without Duo’s heat close. Heero wasn’t entirely sure what was happening anymore. He felt the chill in his bones when he stood next to Relena. When there were pictures taken of them together, her covering her mouth and giving a playful giggle at questions regarding if they were a couple or not. She always played it coy. A tease, as Duo would call it. He called her actions a lot of things, one of the main ones being manipulation, but Heero disagreed. She wasn’t manipulative.
Heero had been around manipulative people, and Relena was nothing like the doctors in their lives. She wanted only the best results.
Both Heero and Duo were well aware that she flirted with the idea of them being an actual couple. They had… discussed it. Duo was not pleased with the results, but he said he couldn’t fault him.
It had been fine, for the most part. Sort of. It had been fine at some point. But then…
She came to assume she had some say in his life on where and who he saw because he lived with her at present. It made sense to Heero to stay there since his obligation to her (and himself) was to keep her safe.
But something had broken inside of Duo when Relena had convinced Heero to play along at being a pretend couple. But this little leniency had done nothing good to Heero’s stance in his personal life. Duo hadn’t been as understanding, surprisingly. He had lashed out in anger and frustration. Those endless purple depths had closed off for the first time to Heero.
It had been so jarring, he almost called Relena and said the farce could not happen.
But he only agreed to keep her safe. This was the best possible way. It allowed him access to any of the parties, because he was not going as a bodyguard, but her lover. The cover was too perfect. How could he not take full advantage of it?
He was uncomfortable with the changes in the dynamics of his working life and his personal life. But discomfort was nothing new to him. But the fact that Duo was pulling away rocked something in his very core.
Duo’s anger was sharp and barbed. He was worked up enough that Heero knew that one wrong move or word and he would be gone. He could see it in his eyes, the way those lavender eyes darted to specific spots to assess whether it would be worth taking any of it or not.
It had been a relief when Duo had gotten the apartment. More so when he started buying furniture and started decorating. He kept house plants under band posters. Had schematics of various ships, cars, shuttles and a few of the suits used in battle decorating the dining room.
He had a workbench where he tinkered.
He had a life here, working as a mechanic. But this stunt– this one was pushing all those warning bells for Duo. Loud enough that even Heero could hear them. Heard them just as soon as Relena started talking about plans he had not been privy to. Heero wished he had been given a heads up about it so he could have prepared Duo for it. Instead of having Duo find out through media channels.
He could have reassured him it wasn’t real.
“It was an unsanctioned publicity stunt,” Heero said quietly. “I was not aware that this was going to happen or else I would have put a stop to it. Or warned you to expect it–”
Duo’s cold violet eyes glared at him, pinning him in place. “Get out.”
When Heero didn’t budge, too shocked from the demand, the switch flipped inside of Duo. Heero saw it clear as day. The punch to his jaw was anticipated, so was the follow through to the gut. Duo favored a two part hit now, since a solid hit to his jaw didn’t really dampen him. But Duo had learned if you can knock the air out, Heero would take a moment to recover.
Heero anticipated both these hits, and accommodated accordingly.
What he didn’t anticipate was being ripped from the floor by the collar of his shirt and being slammed hard enough into the wall that the sheetrock gave out under the impact. Duo used his entire body to lift Heero up enough that only his toes scraped the ground. Heero’s air had been successfully knocked out of him, and he was thrown off. He didn’t like not being able to anticipate Duo’s reactions. He was deadly, and that rage– It was dangerous. Even to Heero.
Duo’s seething breath puffed against his face.
Indigo, Heero observed, the habit of still pinpointing Duo’s eye color still ingrained in him. Even when he was staring down at a feral creature that always lingered under the surface of his lover. This was the darker side of Duo. The death maker, coded as Shinigami.
The angry child that fought tooth and nail to survive.
Heero knew that if he did nothing, he would still register as a threat. His own upbringing to be deadly posing a severe detriment in these situations. So he lifted his hands up on either side of his head and tried to relax his shoulders down. Show that he wasn’t going to physically fight. That Duo was in absolute control as best as he could.
There was no challenge. Duo had the upper hand right now.
They both knew if Heero really wanted, Duo would be laid out. But through the years post war, Heero had learned that Duo’s way of dealing with things was first violence, then a calm. If he could coax Duo into that calm, they could talk. Duo would be open to discussing what necessary means would need to be done.
Give Heero a clue as to how to salvage this entire mess.
Or give him the definite answer if the answer was… nothing.
Heero stared up at Duo’s heated face, the rage and hurt bare for him to see. The flush of anger tinting his cheek, his still wet hair hanging heavy around his face. Duo wasn’t straining to keep Heero suspended against the wall. But he was still shaking violently as his hands twisted Heero’s shirt in his hands.
Duo was volatile. Heero had suffered a few cracked ribs and a shattered orbital sockets in the years being Duo’s lover. His anger knew no bounds and only patiently waited for an outlet. Sometimes, it might be the commodities of the house. Other times, it was himself. Rarely, but not out of the warpath, it was Heero himself. That had been before when he had pushed against this stage of rage with Duo.
Heero liked to think he knew better now.
“I can’t leave unless you let me go,” Heero said quietly, watching his lover’s face and feeling all those old memories stirring.
“I’m so angry Heero,” Duo had confessed once.
They were spread out on a hotel bed. A ‘swanky place’ as Duo had put it. The bed was soft, though the material wasn’t. Heero kept futzing with the material between his fingers, trying to decide if he liked the feel of the texture or not.
“I hate how angry I am,” Duo continued. His eyes were closed and his hands behind his head. His long legs were crossed at the knee, rocking back and forth. The motion created a soothing motion that carried across the bed, rocking Heero in time with his lover’s body. Heero’s eyes moved to trail along the length of the other young man, taking in his form and finding the position at odds with the word being spoken.
Heero didn’t know what to say to that. Was he supposed to respond? Would agreeing with being angry help? Or would that seem more like Heero was attempting to steal the spotlight? He had been accused of that on several occasions, though never from Duo. But he was conscious that relating with his own experiences wasn’t necessarily the correct response.
Duo had something to say, wanted something off his chest and Heero wanted to hear it, whatever it was.
There was a long sigh. “Like, all the time. Even now. I’m so full of rage.”
“Why?” Heero asked finally, turning his head up to look at his face, taking in the soft features, still rounded out from being so young.
Duo shrugged dramatically. Then he was rolling up and onto Heero’s hips, straddling him. His hands shot down and caged his head between his arms as he leaned in. “And ain’t that the rub? There isn’t a reason why. Just am. State of being, y’know? Sometimes– sometimes I can’t stop it if I let it go. Don’t put me in that position that it gets directed at you. I can’t stand the thought because I might–”
Heero’s entire body felt soft suddenly, realizing what Duo was talking about. He wrapped his hands around Duo’s wrists and stared up at him, empathy and understanding radiating in his entire being. “I know the struggle well, having it myself.”
Duo let out a soft noise, and looked away. Heero felt a spike of panic, wondering if he had tried to steal the ‘spotlight’ and made it about himself.
But then Duo let out a hiccupping sound that sounded closer to a sob than anything else, saying, “I know you do. Its nice to be seen and understood at once, right?”
The sinking “What… what would fix this?”
Duo let out a bitter chuckle. “You ain’t actually willing to fix it. Don’t lie. You’re only upset because I’m making changes in my life that don’t have you as the center of it anymore. I missed opportunities for your ass, and what do I got to show for it? Nothin’. There ain’t a thing you could do to even pretend like you’re ‘fixing’ this. Because you don’t want that, Heero.”
There was a lot of bitterness on Duo’s end. Well founded, he realized, too late. It left Heero with only a lot of resignation on his own side of things. But he had hoped that Duo wasn’t at the point of just throwing in the towel.
He felt blind sided, yet he knew he shouldn’t be. He had seen all the cracks and ignored them, leaving them for a different time. Some imaginary, far off time when he was no longer working for Relena and could focus all his attention on his lover.
But that was the issue, wasn’t it?
He never once stopped to focus on his lover. He let Relena control even that aspect, even if he hadn’t intended it to be like that.
He hadn't prioritized the one he wanted a life with in his current life.
“I’m upset–” He started before realizing that, despite everything, Duo was again correct. As much as he loathed to admit it, he was right. He was angry now since Relena pulled that stunt out of thin air. But he hadn’t been prior to that. When she ignored his requests to pull back from the security job. She pushed back, almost in a panic when he had expressed interest in training another person to take his place. He had let her convince him that she still needed him there by her side.
For some inexplicable reason, he never once got angry at the stunts she pulled. Always covered for her when he explained it to Duo later, even if it also left him feeling uncomfortable.
He had let her. Because she didn’t leave him choices, and he was so desperate to avoid having to make choices.
He wanted clear mission objectives.
He should have quit.
Everything with Relena.
He should have moved in with Duo when he got this apartment, instead of staying at Relena’s.
He should have made Duo actually feel like he mattered. Not that he was second best. It was impossible to expect him to be fine with that situation forever.
“You’re right. I’m upset with the consequences,,” Heero said eventually, letting his hands fall to rest on Duo’s forearms. “I messed up by letting her farce go on too long. This is not how I imagined any of this would go.”
There was a huff of air shot from Duo’s nose as he tilted his head at him. Heero’s eyes looked up at Duo’s, feeling a rush of love and fear swirl inside his chest. “At least we agree about that.” Duo dropped Heero from hovering just above the floor, setting him back on the ground. But he didn’t move back from him, nor removed the hands resting on his arms. Instead, he just simply let go of Heero’s shirt to cup Heero’s face in his hand.
Violet eyes softened into the softest of lavenders as they bore down into his.
Heero swallowed thickly at feeling that hot hand on his face. He felt like he was being burned all over again. The chill that had settled in his body slowly being warmed away by the simplest of touches. The softness, however small, spoke volumes of how much even Duo didn’t like how things were turning out either.
Heero felt hope blossom once more between them as he stared into his lover’s eyes. Neither of them were happy with ending their relationship. But what they were doing obviously wasn’t working. Things had to change. All on Heero’s side. He had to make changes that actually stuck.
That weren’t just hot air. That didn’t taste like lies.
Do the right thing for once.
Heero wasn’t good with words. He wasn’t good at getting particular social interactions at all. But Duo was always patient with him. Learned to speak the same language.
Passion.
That was the language that Heero understood best.
He knew ways to express his fondness with a simple, closed mouth kiss to a shoulder or hand. How to say that things would be better by pressing his nose to his neck while he stood in front of the coffee maker, exhausted from another night of not sleeping. That the nightmares wouldn’t always darken the doorstep with his arms holding securely around Duo’s waist.
To lose touch with his physical form and become nothing but a soft mess of want. Fevered kisses, wandering hands bent on only worshiping the other. He may not be able to express his adoration with words, but he could show it. Heero knew the ins and outs of his lover’s body. Knew the way to make him scream, pant and moan. Knew ways to heighten his senses, or dull all but the ones of touch. Knew how to make Duo writhe under him, completely at a loss for anything other than pleasure. Render traditional conversations useless. There were no spoken words necessary. The love, the want, the desire to spend all their time together was there in the open.
Duo would speak the words that Heero longed to be able to say, and find the right combination to put them in perspective. Important words, softly spoken into a mop of sweaty hair. Murmurs of a life they could build with the war over.
Dreams of living as regular people.
Duo talked of his future.
Heero had wanted every aspect that Duo spoke of years ago. But it had been years. He had expected for Duo to just wait forever for those dreams to become reality. He had been waiting, and Heero was such an idiot.
Heero could do this.
He could find the words. Rip them from his throat if he had too. They may not be perfect, but maybe Duo would understand the meaning. His hands reached out, traced the hand still cupping his before sliding down to rest on those shoulders that he had always sought to remove burdens from, but found himself piling on even more.
“I am the biggest of idiots,” Heero found himself saying.
Duo’s head tilted, his eyes catching the light in that ethereal way that some L2 eyes can do. It almost completely derailed Heero’s train of thought. The words he had been trying so desperately to get out. His fingers squeezed Duo’s shoulders, not wanting to lose his nerve when he knew that this was it. A make or break moment. Why was it so much easier to attempt to destroy himself than it was to force words that meant the world to him.
When had he become such a coward?
But those eyes were glittering, wafting between the calm Heero was desperate to keep and the volatile anger.
Duo was still dangerous.
It was what had initially attracted him to him. Duo was just as violent and dangerous as he was. They matched in so many ways. Felt the same rage, the same hurts. They mirrored each other and Heero knew he had been taking advantage of it all.
He face throbbed from the hit earlier in tune with his pounding heart. He knew his entire side of his face would be swollen later but if he could get his words out– it would be worth it.
The thing that kept Heero in the moment, sucking in a breath to speak was that Duo hadn’t moved yet. Either to reciprocate the embrace or to shove him back against the wall, completely destroying it. Either option was viable in this situation.
Then there was a tsking sound that escaped the man in his arms. Quickly followed by a huff. But it was enough of an acknowledgment to give Heero enough courage to risk fucking it up even more. He had to say it. Even if it didn’t change the decision, Duo deserved to know. Deserved to hear it spoken out loud. Not implied. Not in the ways that had become comfortable for Heero.
Duo deserved so much more than the broken toy soldier still needing someone else to tell him what he should be doing.
Without thinking further on it, Heero pulled him hard against him. He wrapped his arms possessively around Duo’s bodyand pressed his face into his throat. He breathed in the scent of his lover, hoping that it wasn’t for the last time.
“I am so selfish,” Heero finally forced out, his voice sounding foreign. Cracked and disjointed. “I’m begging for forgiveness when you’ve already forgiven so many trespasses against you. I–I'm so stupid for everything. For not listening to you. To your dreams. I have been so selfish in my pursuit of– I don’t even know. But all it’s done is let you down. Made me take you for granted.”
He swallowed when he wasn’t immediately pushed away from the embrace. That alone only made him cling tighter. Took it to mean what small amount of Duo that still wanted this was listening. He had a shot. He better take it. He wasn’t holding him back, but he felt the coiling anger dissipating.
“You have every right to just wash your hands of me and the only one I can only blame is myself. You are more than I could have ever deserved, let alone dream.” Heero continued, finding himself able to say the thoughts finally. It should have felt like a relief. But it only felt like goodbye.
Heero didn’t have a good history with goodbyes. Each one of them hurt worse than the one previously.
He didn’t want this to be a goodbye. But he didn’t think that there was any chance he could prove to both Duo and himself that he could change.
He was going to get them all out while he had them on the tip of his tongue. Duo deserve to hear just how cherished Heero actually felt. Those at least never tasted like the lies about how long the farce with Relena would go on. He wanted him to know that he was so much more than just a hole to fuck.
Heero realized that Duo was shaking in his arms. A motion he had only felt when Duo was as close to crying as he allowed himself. A physical manifestation of the deep pit of sadness and rage that lurked inside him constantly. One that would never go away.
He held fast to his rules about how ‘boys don’t cry’ to himself, but encouraged it in anyone else in his life. Once Heero had asked, and he said pointedly, someone important said it on his deathbed. Then Duo didn’t talk for days after that. Just because he held himself to such high pressures, didn’t mean that the emotions didn’t still manifest. All those times that Heero would hold him flashed in his mind, of when they offered each other comfort instead of hurt and fear.
Then Duo’s arms slipped out from between them to wrap around Heero’s own waist. Soon his lover’s face was pressed just as hard into his shoulder.
They stood there, clinging to each other. If nothing else, he at least got to hold him again. It may not be forever like he anticipated, but still every moment was precious. He just…
Didn’t show it enough in his actions outside of when Duo was immediately in front of him.
That thought alone was a sharp one. It was every bit of encouragement he needed.
“I want– I want this life with you. I’ve just done an absolutely horrible job showing that. It's almost too little, too late at this point. I never wanted to take you for granted, yet that is exactly what I did. My need to be useful should not have removed my attention from you” Heero continued, squeezing his lover, wishing desperately that he could somehow climb inside that burning body and never leave. “I have done you the worst disservice, and– I understand wanting to move on. Because as far as you know, I will not change. I’ve given you no reason to think otherwise.”
“Got that right,” He heard Duo mutter into his shoulder. But he didn’t let it stop him. He was finally getting it out.
“I keep making promises that have no basis in reality for you. Just some nebulous distant future that has no time table for you to ground in reality. I’m not even sure if I know when it would have happened, either.”
Heero pulled back slightly, needing to see Duo’s face. See the soft spattering of freckles across his nose mix with the patch red splotches from him holding back his own emotions.
Somehow, Duo still remained ethereal looking despite the ugly emotions that Heero had wrought upon him. He swallowed thickly, “I don’t want to lose you.” Heero heard himself beg, “I am aware I don’t deserve another chance, but I am also a deeply selfish man. Just tell me how to make it known that I’m choosing you.”
He expected the skeptical look from his lover. Expected the brief distant look in his indigo eyes as the other processed the information and weighed it. All Heero could do was wait. Whatever he said, it would be how Heero proceeded. If it was to walk away, then so be it. Duo had control here. This was his mission parameters.
Because Heero had shown that he could not be trusted with the most important mission in his entire existence.
It was a celebration. There was a party, a fancy event that Quatre had made sure he both had both the proper style of clothing and what to expect. He gave parameters in the best way he could. Show up, mingle, but Heero wasn’t expected to actually talk to people. He was more of a symbol to everyone. The boy who saved their existence, now the head of security of Relena Peacecraft. But tonight, he was just to be the boy who saved the world. Just the boy who gave his all for everyone and to be a leading example At least, that had been what Quatre had explained as he fixed the bow tie before soothing down the lapels.
He had a quiet smile before he disappeared to finish getting himself prepared for the event. The Mariemaia Incident wasn’t the only uprising, but the only one to make headlines and cause enough turmoil to merit the acknowledgement. Plus, it transpired on the one year anniversary of the ending of the war. It had been reported because they had to show a point that they were going to prevent this type of uprising from happening. To ensure peace. Now, in an effort to keep the general public’s minds at ease, they didn’t give the rebels the blinding spotlight. It was there, in the news, but the triumphs of humanity outweighed the rebel’s hairbrained schemes.
But that meant that Heero would not be able to just sink into the shadows, either.
He anticipated being overwhelmed by the crowd, by people talking to him. But what he hadn’t anticipated was seeing Duo, in a fitted three piece suit and looking absolutely stunning. As soon as Heero saw him across the room, he felt his face warm and that pull that always yanked Heero closer to the Deathscythe pilot.
Then their eyes met and memories flashed through Heero’s mind. Of heated kisses and desperate clinging and the fear of not seeing tomorrow. Of adolescent hormones and the desire to be touched. Being touched by the chaos that was Duo Maxwell had felt like a balm on Heero’s soul. Always had.
They never talked during those times. Words weren’t needed then.
Even now, they weren’t needed.
Because soon they were standing next to each other, their arms brushing against each other while Duo talked to the people, turning on the charm to the highest caliber. Duo was deadly when it came to socializing. Heero started counting the number of times that Duo insulted some hoity toity person without them being any the wiser.
He felt pride settle with each interaction. Because this was his– his something. His maybe. This was his partner? Partner but only in war.
Heero realized as they moved through the ceremonies that he wanted that word to have more to it. But he was lost on how to make it a reality. Because he knew as soon as things followed their traditional course, Duo would be a ghost in the wind once more.
They upheld their responsibilities perfectly, but as soon as either of them were finally released from the scrutiny of the upper elite, they found themselves tumbling into a closet and ripping off the stuffy suits like clockwork. Despite it always being this way, it still burned Heero. He felt alive with the wandering hands and searing lips. Felt like he was finally real with Duo’s cock in his hand, in his mouth. Everything made sense when their bodies connected violently. Heero was drowning in Duo. But for the first time he could feel like he could breathe as he panted against Duo’s throat.
Every time they met they fell into the same scenario. But this time Heero wanted this to be different.
Heero felt a rush of emotions hit him suddenly while watching Duo hike his pants back up on his hips with a small hop that made Heero’s chest feel warm. He didn’t want to watch him leave all over again like he had after that awkward hospital visit post Mariemaia incident.
With heated words of longing and fear as they jerked each other off. Of the reality sinking in that this was going to be it. This actually was an end. Together they reached it. But then Heero had woken up alone and had no way to contact Duo. Not till this moment.
He didn’t want to be cut out and stuck hoping that he would show up again.
So Heero grabbed his arm and stopped him from leaving. He stared up into those bright eyes, flashing in the dark of the closet showing he could see clearly in the dim light. Duo could see that Heero hadn’t changed yet. He was still as naked as they were willing to get inside of a closet.
Then Duo stared at the hand on his arm and it gave Heero all the strength to push out, “Call me. Maybe we could do more than just–”
Duo finished hi thought for him, “Maybe we can do something more than just fuck around in closets.”
“I would like that very much,” Heero said as he panted with anxiety at finally voicing what he wanted.
Duo had grinned, his purple eyes flashing with excitement and something more.
“Good to know,” he said as he leaned forward to kiss Heero once more, letting it linger on his lips. “Wasn’t sure if you wanted to pursue this or something. But I do want more with you, too, Heero. And I mean that. I’m willing to put down roots so we can figure out what that looks like.”
“You’re staying?” Heero asked, looking just as surprised as his expression.
“So long as you make it worth my while,” Duo teased before leaning in to kiss him gently.
The quiet contemplation had always made Heero feel a certain way, even now. Despite it being about his own future of being able to watch the spitfire of a man continue to grow, he felt the same emotion. It was… adorable. The scrunching of Duo’s upturned nose, the way one eye narrowed as his eyes drifted off to look to his left. But right then, that skepticism was merited.
“Saa, buddy,” Duo started, venom still in his voice. But the word choices were something soft. The use of his favored pet name for Heero spoke of not forgiveness, but there was an option. A chance.
Heero was going to take it.
Whatever it was that Duo laid out, that was it.
Hearing Relena speak about their made up lives together, it cemented something in Heero. He was done with needing that. Done with being manipulated by others. Duo had been the only one not to try. He’d be angry, but he wouldn’t force anything. Wouldn’t use coy words to entice something. He told Heero straight exactly his expectations.
Heero was finally listening.
“You’ve had it too easy and I let you walk all over me,” Duo said sharply, pulling Heero’s full attention back to Duo. “I’m gonna have to draw a line in the sand, buddy.” Duo intoned, running his fingers through his bangs, tugging gently on the brown locks that hung away from his face. “It's an ultimatum. I hate them, hate the idea of doing it. Especially to you. But I gotta. Otherwise this– this is going to be the same shit as soon as you go back. We’ll be right here and nothing would have changed. So I’m gonna be the bad guy and do it. There ain’t any other way around it, y’know?”
Heero merely nodded, trying desperately to show how attuned to what Duo was saying. What he was hearing. He wanted to show that whatever it was that Duo felt was an ultimatum, Heero would meet it with every fiber of his being.
“I lack enough good sense to not just give you other chance. But it ain’t gonna be here. Not where it’s easy for you to fall back on old habits. So if you’re serious about this. About– fuck, us– about making this relationship actually work, ‘Ro, then you gotta tell her what is happening. Between us. Give this an actual name, whatever you think would have the most power to break away from her hold. You have to not only have the engagement publicly renounce, but break up with her in a way she can’t hide it or pull you back in. Make it a fucking spectacle. Publicly spill the beans that it was all a farce and you’re done living that lie. Tell them you have someone, don’t name me. But she will know– That is the only way I’ll even begin to take you seriously. And then, you gotta come find me.”
“We could just leave right now,” Heero suggested, but Duo immediately shook his head.
“Saa, buddy, you’ve had it too easy and I let you walk all over me,” Duo said sharply. “Those are my terms. Till you can do those things, then it's done. I won’t be here for you to crawl to when you’re feeling lonely.”
“A public spectacle,” Heero repeated. “Denounce that faux relationship publicly so that she can’t pretend it didn’t happen. Then find you?”
“That’s it. I’ll have my ears on the news,” Duo said solemnly. The look in his eyes said that he didn’t believe Heero would do this. But he had spoken and was finally setting some boundaries.
“Consider it done, then,” Heero said, squaring up his shoulders.
Duo gave him a sad but soft smile. He cupped Heero’s face gently in his blistering hot palm, and tilted his head, “I won’t till I see it, bud.” There was a gentle brush of lips against his cheek before Duo stepped away and opened the door. There was a grand gesture of him indicating that Heero needed to leave. But his lavender eyes wouldn’t look up at him. “Now, leave. I don’t want to have to remove you while I finish here.”
Heero nodded, and stepped towards the door after brushing off the remaining dust from the sheetrock. But he paused to touch Duo’s arm, giving it a squeeze, “I will find you after completing this mission.”
“It ain’t a mission, Heero,” Duo said quietly. "This is our life."
Heero gave his arm another squeeze before lifting his own hand to touch Duo’s chin. He lifted his face to look at him and leaned in to kiss it. “It is for me. My last mission. I will see you in a few weeks and we can do this right this time. So we can turn this into an actual life together.”