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Honestly speaking, Eddie hadn’t even realised that what Buck was doing was a whole thing . He thought it was just bad spending habits or something, maybe some sort of out of hand gifting habit, not until it became too much to ignore did Eddie ever stop to think it was anything other than Buck just being kind.
To be fair, Eddie also wouldn’t have even realised it was a thing without Hen’s help, because as always, Hen just knows everything.
Eddie hadn’t noticed though at first, not really, because everything, like how almost everything works, started out small, basic, minuscule, barely even worth a second thought outside of “thank you.”
It started small, with treats and gifts and kindness Eddie, admittedly, took for granted at first.
It was hanging out after a long day of running around the park trying to keep up with Christopher who could be goddamn fast on crutches if it meant keeping up with his friends. Tired and Buck offering to pay for their uber back home despite Eddie’s insistence he could call Pepa to pick them up.
It was sitting around on his couch, lazy and hot because his air conditioner wouldn’t be fixed for another few days. Christopher draped across his lap and groaning like if he whined enough, his dad could magically make it stop being hot for him. Buck bursting into their house with a wide smile and a bag and a box. A box with a fan in it and a bag with loads of ice cream.
It was being freaked out about a technologically advanced coffee machine that he couldn’t escape ads for, sounding like a paranoid old man about it when he told his coworkers “Hildy was everywhere.” Coming home and then opening up a fancy coffee maker Buck had bought him as a joke.
It was small things slowly building into large things and Eddie hadn’t noticed, really, not at first.
Then of course, after the coffee maker, Eddie had called Buck two hours later, when he was done laughing his ass off at him, to tell him he needed to return it.
“Buck,” Eddie said, shaking his head with an eye roll. “I’m not gonna use it, and it’s probably crazy expensive, you can just return it.”
“You’re asking me to return my gift to you?” Buck asked, voice crackling over the phone in a way that's scandalised, like Eddie just asking was such a taboo thing to do.
“I’m not gonna use it Buck!” Eddie told him. “It would be a waste of money.”
“Oh come on, the money doesn’t matter,” Buck had replied. “Besides, your coffee maker is a piece of crap, and it’ll do you good to face your fears.”
“Buck, it has a location setting on it,” Eddie hissed, looking frantically at the box he had left on the table, like it could overhear him. “What if it tries to find out where I live? Or tell some psycho killer where I live?”
Buck’s laugh in response is very much not appreciated.
“Eddie, come on, you’ve had a smartphone for how long? And no one’s come to kill you yet, right?” Buck said. “I was mostly joking about what I said before, you’re totally fine.”
Eddie sighed and leaned into the couch, silent for a moment.
“If it’s really that big of a problem, I- I can return it.” Buck’s stuttering and Edie can hear the thread of insecurity weaving its way into Buck’s tone and he feels an ugly creature like guilt start to nip at his fingers.
Eddie rubs his fingers for a moment and sighs. “No, I’ll keep it. But you’re helping me figure out how to set it up, I don’t understand anything about this.”
Buck laughs again but Eddie can hear the smile in his voice.
“Deal.”
From there on out, it’s a little more obvious, but Eddie still misses it, sort of.
Because he didn't know he was supposed to be looking, watching, paying attention to everything Buck buys him, everything Buck does for him.
He doesn’t notice yet he does, every single event burned in his memory because he doesn’t focus on it but he can’t stop thinking about it all at once.
Because then it’s Eddie’s truck breaking down (yeah, the very new one he bought with the fighting money) and Buck offering without even a second of thought to pay for the repairs so Eddie doesn’t have to pick up extra shifts.
It’s Christopher wanting to do more surfing lessons over the summer and Eddie venting to Buck he’s not sure he has the money for Senior lessons (Christopher grew out of the Junior lessons class) on top of paying Carla and his medical bills. Buck bursting into their house the next day with the sign up sheet for Christopher and a gentle smile to Eddie to “not worry about it.”
Then it’s Christopher wanting to go to Disneyland because all the cool kids go over spring break! and Buck cutting in that he can pay for the three of them to go for a week before Eddie can even say he doesn’t have the money for that.
Each and every time, Eddie has tried to talk Buck out of it, tell him that’s too much money, or can he pay Buck back, but Buck just smiles widely and brushes him off, telling him it’s a gift, don’t worry about paying me back, things like that. Buck tells him, with a kind smile, his head ducked just a little with a small shrug, that his presence is all he needs in return. That seeing him and Chris smiling and happy is payment enough.
It makes Eddie a little flustered and also a little frustrated.
Eddie’s not used to taking things like this though, his family grew up- Well, not poor, but financially struggling. He wasn’t used to a lot of things he wanted, wasn’t used to gifts like this and he never knew how to accept them, most times never accepted them because he knew he’d never be able to make up for it.
So he feels like just smiling and making Buck happy is nowhere near payment enough. Feels like he should be paying him back, that he’s somehow taking advantage of Buck’s kindness this way.
So he’s talking to Hen now, over for wine night with her and Karen and his on his second glass when he starts to talk about it.
“What do you mean he’s too generous? I mean, yeah, Buck is sweet and caring for us all, but not too much so?” Karen asked, eyes lit up the way they do anytime Eddie has a conversation topic for wine night. She ate up drama and gossip like she was a thirsty woman in a drought.
“You know how Buck and I both requested time off for in two weeks?” Eddie asked and the Wilsons nod in unison. “We’re going to Disneyland with Christopher for his spring break.”
“Oh, and he’s helping pay?” Karen asked and Eddie shook his head frantically, gesturing a little wildly.
“No! He insisted on paying for the whole trip! The hotel, meals, Fast Passes, all the works, because you know Buck, he won’t let us settle for anything less than we deserve and he won’t let me pay him back or anything!” Eddie said and then relaxed back into his seat. “He said that our presence was enough! That as long as we’re happy, he’s happy.”
Hen gives Eddie a sharp look then and turns to her wife, who looks at her curiously.
“What?” Karen asked, noting the intense look in her eyes.
“He’s doing a thing,” Hen said and Karen squinted. “What?” She asked and Hen gave her a more intense look, like she was trying to psychologically beam the information into Karen’s head.
It doesn’t seem to be working though because Karen just squints at her with a confused head tilt. Hen sighed and turned to Eddie, who stared at her with furrowed brows.
“A thing ?” He asked and Hen nodded, leaning over the table a little.
“Has he done this before? Bought you things, brought you places and then like, spent time with you? Or just spent money on you or Chris in general?” Hen asked and Eddie suddenly feels like maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up because he can tell this is going to be a long conversation.
But he knows he can’t get out of it now, not with the intense look Hen is giving him with the tight grip she has on the wine bottle, so he sighed and nodded a little.
“Yeah, I mean, mostly it was small stuff, and now it’s- It’s stuff like Disneyland! Like, that’s a lot of money and no matter what I do, he insists I don’t pay him back.” Eddie said and Hen presses her lips together, squinting at him for a moment.
“Okay, is it- Does he do the things on his own? Or do you bring it up first?” Hen asked and Eddie made a face.
“What do you mean?” He asked and she takes a sip from the wine bottle before leaning back in her seat.
“Like, say he buys you ice cream, does he just buy you ice cream or so you say something like damn it’s hot out first?” Hen asked and Eddie shrugged.
“The second one I guess. Or sometimes Christopher will mention something all the cool kids do in his class. Like going to Disneyland and then Buck is doing it.” Eddie said and now Karen’s face suddenly lights up, turning and grabbing Hen’s arm.
“Oh! Oh that thing!” She said and Hen smiles softly at her and nods. “Oh it’s totally that!”
“ What thing?” Eddie asked and then Hen turned to him with a sheepish gaze.
“My disclaimer before I say this is to remember it’s not always a sexual thing.” Hen said but of course, that disclaimer just confuses Eddie and his eyebrows shoot up.
“ What? ” He all but screeches out, grabbing one of the other wine bottles and dumping a good amount into his glass.
“Okay just-” Hen rubbed at her temples and sighed a little. “Are you familiar with the term sugar daddy? ”
Eddie’s face goes red the moment the words leave her mouth and he feels like he might pass out with how fast the blood rushed to his head.
“Yes, what does…. That have anything to do with this ?” Eddie asked and Hen digs one of her fingers into the table with a sharp stare.
“It’s not always sexual,” She reminded. “Sometimes… Some people have extra money, and they just want the presence of someone else in their life. So they pay them, give them gifts basically in return for their company.”
“But Buck isn’t asking for my company. He doesn’t need to buy me things for me to hang out with him.” Eddie said.
“Does he know that?” Karen asked and Eddie gapes at her a little.
“Yes! I mean- He has to, right?” Eddie asked and Hen sighed.
“Look, Buck never, ever assumes things. He knows assuming things can get people hurt. The last time he assumed something, it went south.” Hen said, and Eddie feels like he should know what she’s referencing but he’s about a bottle into the night and his synapses aren’t firing correctly so he just squints. Hen sighed. “He assumed he and Abby were still together. That she was coming back. He’s learned from that the hard way. You need to talk to him.”
“Talk to him about how you think he’s trying to be a… A you know what to me?” Eddie said and Karen laughed at him into her cup. He glared at her.
“Eddie, come on, you make it sound dirty!” She teased and Eddie shrugged a little, shifting awkwardly in his seat.
“Well I-! Look, it’s not my fault! I only know it as- As the sex thing!” Eddie defended but that just makes Karen’s laughter turn into drunken giggles and she leans into Hen, who smiles softly at her.
“Like I said, it’s not always sexual, Eddie. And there’s nothing wrong with being Buck’s sugar baby.” Hen said, but she’s wearing a shark-like grin and Eddie flushes.
“Stop saying that!” He shouted and she just grinned wider.
“Why? I mean, until you talk to him and we know otherwise, this whole situation seems like that to me. Didn’t he win you guys like thirty steaks from that poker game you guys went to?” Hen asked. “And then he made you all of them?”
“That was just circumstantial.” Eddie deflected.
“You literally tried to use him for money during all that.” Hen said. “If this is what I think it is, then you basically just encouraged him more.”
“I didn’t mean to!” Eddie said, shaking his head. “I- Look, I’ll talk to him about this, tell him to stop spending so much money on me.”
It takes him a few days to even think about bringing up.
In all honesty, he forgot about most of the conversation until Hen texted him a screenshot of his contact information, with his contact name changed to “Buck’s Sugar Baby,” to which he blocked her for.
Then he’s stalling for another few days trying to think about how to even bring it up because what if Hen’s wrong about this being a whole thing and then he embarasses himself in front of Buck?
He ends up talking to Maddie about it first.
In his defence, he didn’t entirely mean to, it just happened.
She’s in the lobby, waiting on Chimney and Eddie decided to say hi, and to say hi to Jee-Yun, who’s balanced on Maddie’s hip.
“Hey,” Eddie said, cooing as Jee-Yun smiled widely at him, reaching out for him. Maddie without a moment of hesitation hands her over to Eddie.
“She’s been missing Chris,” Maddie informed and Eddie smiled at her, loves the friendship that his son and Jee-Yun have. “And her Uncle Eddie of course.”
Eddie bites his tongue and holds back from correcting her that he’s not Jee’s uncle and just lifts Jee-Yun up high in the air, causing the young girl to shriek and cackle, spreading her arms and legs out like a star.
“Well we’ll have to wait on getting them together for a bit,” Eddie informed. “We’re going to Disneyland next week for Christopher’s spring break.”
“Oh! Buck mentioned something like that to me,” Maddie said and Eddie smiled as he brings Jee-Yun down, her pouting and immediately insisting she be brought up in the air again. He obliges of course. “You guys are going for the whole week?”
“Yeah,” Eddie said. “And your brother is refusing to let me spend a dime on the trip.” He scoffed at the end of his sentence and Maddie’s face lights up a bit.
“He is?” She asked, a little shocked and Eddie nodded.
“Yeah, he said my presence and happiness was enough .” Eddie frowns a little. “I feel bad though, it’s a lot of money. Hen made a joke about it.”
“What was it?” Maddie asked as Jee-Yun twists in Eddie’s arms, making grabby hands at her mother. Eddie hands the girl back before giving Maddie a confused look.
“What was what?” He asked and Maddie raised an eyebrow.
“The joke Hen made?”
Eddie flushed immediately and is trying to think of a million different ways to get out of this conversation.
Unfortunately, he’s never been the best at lying, and he flails a bit and then settles on the truth, refusing to look Maddie in the eye.
“She made a joke that I was Buck’s sugar baby.” Eddie said and then waved his hand around a bit, trying to think of some sort of explanation, deflection, but he fell short.
“Sugar baby,” Jee-Yun babbles and Eddie flushes even more as Maddie smiles at her.
“Yes, that’s what Eddie is,” She says and Eddie fumbles over his words.
“Maddie!” He says, in that similar scandalised tone he had when Hen had first brought it up. She smiled at him and shrugged.
“Look, my brother… He’s never had it the best with our parents. He only ever got their attention if he was hurt. With his first girlfriend, she showed him more affection when he treated her to things. I guess that kind of stuck with him, he’s done it for every partner or friend he’s had afterwards.” Maddie explained a little and then her expression turned a little more serious. “If you have an issue with it though, you should really sit down and talk with him.”
Eddie’s shoulders fall a little and he sighed heavily.
“How? How do I- I mean how do I even bring this up to him?” Eddie asked.
“Bring what up?” Chimney asked, walking up to them and snapping his gum with a cheery grin when Jee-Yun twists in Maddie’s arms, reaching out for him. “Hey beautiful.” Chimney greeted, grabbing her from Maddie and then kissing his fiance before turning to Eddie with a raised eyebrow.
“Eddie doesn’t know how to swim.” Maddie quickly interjected and Eddie throws her a grateful look.
“What? No, Eddie, I’ve seen you swim.” Chimney said and Eddie shrugged.
“I forgot how,” Eddie said. “I haven’t swam in a while, I need to learn again.”
“Definitely if you’re going to Disneyland next week. Swimming is a really good exercise especially if you have any joint or leg pains or anything like that. Could be great for both Chris and Buck to go swimming while you guys are there.” Chimney said and Eddie is a little grateful Chimney is more focused on teasing him for not being able to swim than focusing on the fact Eddie absolutely knows how to.
“Yeah, I’ll work on it,” Eddie said.
Even still, Eddie stalls talking to Buck about it for a bit.
It’s just- Regardless of the fact the title sugar baby makes Eddie’s head swim because he’s thinking about it so much, it’s the fact that he’d essentially be having to talk to Buck about his emotions, tell Buck he cares about him and appreciates him without dropping a love confession in half way through.
Eddie sometimes feels like he can’t even say it’s a beautiful day out without immediately dropping a but you’re more beautiful right after, how is he supposed to sit Buck down and tell him he cares for him, appreciates him and all that without confessing everything that hides itself in his chest.
So Eddie stalls, he stalls and he stalls and suddenly it’s the day before their trip and they’re frantically going over checklists together.
“Toothbrush?” Buck asked, holding a notepad in his hand that resembles a clipboard enough for Eddie to want to rip it out of his hands.
“Yes,” Eddie said, holding it up in the ziploc bag it’s been shoved in and Buck grinned and tilted his head, just staring blankly at Eddie for a moment. Eddie rolled his eyes and groaned, defeated as he throws the toothbrush at Buck. “ Check .”
“Okay, I think that’s the rest of it.” Buck said and Eddie sighed. “It better be, we have to wake up early to drive there. It’s only a half hour drive, we should be fine but better safe than sorry.”
“ Great ,” Eddie said, then turned to Christopher, who was sat criss crossed on the floor, folding up the last of his shirts and shoving them into his suitcase. “Alright, bud, time for bed.”
“I want to stay up with you and Buck,” Christopher said. Not asked, said, because he’s at that point of tweenhood where he’s started to argue with Eddie about the things he says. Eddie pinches his nose bridge and Buck snorts at him as he writes something down in his notepad.
“No, we have to wake up early and you get cranky if you don’t go to sleep on time.” Eddie said and Christopher frowned at him. “Nuh-uh, no arguments, go to bed, or no Disneyland.”
“You can’t say that,” Christopher said, turning back to folding his shirts. “You’re not even paying for the trip.”
Eddie feels his ears start to burn and he takes a step towards his son, crouching in front of him. “Christopher,” He said, slowly and Christopher looked up at him with an eyebrow raised. “Go to bed.”
Christopher doesn’t dignify him with an answer, just reaches over and grabs a pair of pants and begins to fold those.
Eddie huffed and stood up, turning to Buck with an exasperated expression and Buck snorted again, handing him the notepad and switching places with him. Eddie crosses his arms and watches as Buck moves to sit next to Christopher, the tween giving Buck a strange look.
“Hey buddy,” Buck said. “Can you please go to bed? We gotta get up early and you’re gonna hate it if you’re tired.”
“I can just sleep in the car ride over.” Christopher insisted.
“You could,” Buck said, nodding. “But it’s only a half hour drive. And then you’re gonna be all grumpy, and tired and complaining about going back to the hotel to nap. And then the whole first day won’t be as fun. Besides, if you go to bed now, we can go to the first ride you want and we’ll all ride it.”
Christopher’s face lit up mischievously at that. “All of us?” He asked and Eddie wants to laugh at how Buck turned a little green then.
“Uhm, yeah, that’s what I said.” Buck said and Christopher shoots up to his feet, bidding them both goodnight before disappearing to his room. Buck turned to look at Eddie warily and Eddie is trying hard to bite down his smile but Buck is making the most regretful and hopeless expression and Eddie can’t help but laugh at him.
“He’s going to pick the tallest and fastest ride in the entire park.” Eddie informed Buck stood up and grabbed his notepad back from Eddie.
“Next time you can be good cop,” Buck said and Eddie just laughed at him as they moved to finish packing up all their suitcases.
They work in silence for half an hour, and the longer it’s silent, the louder it gets in Eddie’s mind.
Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.
Eddie needs to talk to him, but he just can’t, he doesn't even know how to start the conversation because this is something so important and-
“Maddie said Hen called you my sugar baby the other day,” Buck said and Eddie wonders how fast it’ll take to set himself on fire.
“Oh?” Eddie said because how the actual fuck is he supposed to respond to that. Eddie watches as Buck, kneeling on the ground in front of the suitcase, begins to pick at his fingers, shrugging a little.
“That didn’t like… make you uncomfortable or anything, did it?” Buck asked. He’s not looking at Eddie and that thread of insecurity is lacing into his voice again.
Don’t confess your feelings, don’t confess your feelings, don’t confess your feelings.
“Should I be uncomfortable?” Eddie asked, trying to bite back words that want to tumble out of his lips. Tell him that he’d never make him uncomfortable ever because Buck is his entire source of comfort and the reason he’s even the person he is today because he’s not sure he would’ve been able to keep going without him.
Buck shrugged a little, moving to pla with the zipper on the suitcase.
“Maybe?” Buck said. “I mean… I buy you things a lot. And then I just want your company in return. That’s like… Kind of the definition of it. That doesn’t bother you?”
Eddie stands up from his pile of toiletries he was bagging to move near Buck, sitting down next to him and placing a hand firmly on his shoulder, pushing on it a little to turn Buck to face him. Buck still keeps his head ducked.
“Buck, I- Look, I feel bad sometimes. Like I need to pay you back, and I don’t do super well with gifts or stuff just being given to me with no expectation to return the favour. So I’m not used to it, but it doesn’t bother me.” Eddie explained and Buck nodded a little.
“I’m just- I’m not the best at expressing how much I care to people,” Eddie would argue that Buck is one of the most expressive people he knows and that he shows everyone how much he loves and cares for them just by how he breathes near them, but he holds back from interrupting. “And you know, my family has always been more well off, I just kind of… I guess I got used to gifting things to people I care about. I mean, like I guess my love language is gift giving, it makes me happy I can buy things for people. And it makes them happy, or it takes stress off of them and I- I care about you and Christopher so much. If I could buy you guys the world, I would.”
And honestly fuck Buck for being able to openly talk about his feeling slike this because a confession is climbing out of Eddie’s throat with each sentence Buck finishes.
“Buck,” Eddie said, words careful and calculated because just because Buck cares doesn’t mean he’s a hopelessly, utterly lovestruck fool who can’t even breathe right if they’re not in the same room together like Eddie. He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. “I appreciate it, and the only thing that bothers me is that I feel like I’m not doing enough in return.”
Buck flushed with a small smile and shook his head a little, lifting his head now so sparkling soft blue eyes met melting, gentle brown ones.
“Eddie,” Buck said and Eddie wants to melt under the warmth of his voice. “You don’t have to. I genuinely mean it when I said you and Christopher being happy is enough. It’s all I ever want for you guys, to be happy and smile. And it’s payment enough to be the reason you guys are. So seriously? Please don’t worry about it.”
And they’re talking about it like this is going to be a regular thing, a thing that continues even after establishing this very much broaches on sugar daddy/baby territory.
Oh, Hen is
so
going to bully him.
But this makes Buck happy, happy to be able to do something for him, and Eddie would never take something that makes Buck happy away.
Eddie smiled brightly and patted Buck’s shoulder a bit before pulling away.
“Just no more Disneyland trips after this.” Eddie said and Buck laughed with a shining grin.
“Too much?” Buck asked and Eddie shook his head.
“Never too much,” Eddie said, and he knows his voice is soft in that lovestruck way that Bobby had teased him for at his last barbeque, but Buck
makes him soft
and he can’t help it.
Buck’s expression turns gooey and he’s staring at Eddie with so much care and adoration in his eyes that Eddie has to physically pull himself away lest him confess all the feeling swirling in his chest.
“Okay, let’s get the rest of this packed up and crash.”
Disneyland is as fun as it is stressful. Christopher has a million things he wants to do and there’s only so much time in the day, Eddie is an old man who needs to sit down and take a break every hour, Buck keeps pointing out other rides they should do, trying to avoid the one terrifying ride he knows Christopher has picked out, it’s loud, it’s hot and they’re all tired by the end of the week.
But both Buck and Eddie’s phones are almost out of storage space from how many photos they’ve taken, all of their faces hurt from how much they’ve been smiling, Christopher won’t stop recapping the week’s greatest moments on the car ride back, and none of them care too much about the sunburns they share and how achey all their feet are.
Buck and Eddie, regrettably, have work the very first day back, Christopher is still on his spring break for a few more days, but they’re on a 24 immediately.
They enter the station together and Chimney grins at them.
“Well if it isn’t the vacation men,” Chimney said and Eddie rolled his eyes as he dropped his bag to start changing. “How was Disneyland?”
“Exhausting,” Eddie said with an eye roll. “But also a lot more fun so obviously worth it.”
“Bet it was better you didn’t pay for it,” Chimney said and he’s got a big, teasing grin on his face. Eddie knows his face is red so he avoids looking at Chimney, glancing over at Buck, who’s smiling with a ducked head and red ears.
“It was fun regardless,” Eddie informed him and Chimney pouts a little that Eddie didn’t take the obvious bait but brushes it off with a hand wave.
“Don’t expect us to let you guys slack off just cause you’re tired from vacation,” Chimney joked as he slips out of the room. “Today is going to be as tiring as every other day.”
The moment he’s out of earshot, Buck turned to Eddie. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” Buck asked. “I mean, at this point, everyone knows. And they’re going to tease. I mean, I can stop.”
“Buck,” Eddie said, voice low so their conversation couldn’t be overheard. “If
you
want to stop, go ahead. I already told you what I thought about all this, if it’s something you want to do, do it. I’m okay either way. But you don’t have to pay me to be your friend.”
“That’s not it,” Buck said and Eddie nodded. “I know it’s not, I’m just letting you know. I’m still going to be your friend regardless of whether or not you buy me and Chris things. I care about you too.”
And Eddie stops there lest he go any further deep into this revealing conversation.
Buck just beamed at him and nodded and that was it.
Eddie doesn’t know what he expected of the conversation, Buck to stop, slow down maybe?
He didn’t expect Buck to start just buying him things everyday.
They weren’t always big things, sometimes it was just coffee before work, or lunch during their shift.
It was rarely big things now, actually. Buck seemed to have caught on to the fact Eddie felt overwhelmed with the bigger gifts and had just moved on to giving him smaller things that could be passed off as just normal friend things.
Except Eddie saw how much Buck brightened anytime Eddie would smile at whatever he was given, how he’d bounce around whenever Eddie sighed in relief over a cup of coffee and thanked Buck for it.
The others made fun of them, of course they did because why wouldn’t they? Eddie can’t say he wouldn’t have done the same if it were any of them instead.
Eddie is sat on the couch, it’s a month after his and Buck’s conversation now and he’s just scrolling through his phone, praying for the bell to o off and save him from this eternal boredom. Ravi is sat sideways in one of the arm chairs across from him, scrolling through TikTok with his phone volume all the way up and Eddie has debated grabbing it from his hands and chucking it halfway across the station like five times now.
Buck comes bounding up the steps with a wide grin and a bag in his hand, flopping down onto the couch next to Eddie and handing him the bag with boundless energy.
Eddie raises an eyebrow but takes the bag, opening it and looking into it, smiling softly.
It’s a sandwich, a bag of chips and a soda from the convenience store down the street. Bobby was making food today, which normally isn’t a problem but it involves squash and zucchini, food Eddie would soon rather scoop out his own eyeballs than eat.
“Thanks Buck,” Eddie said, feeling the sappy smile stretching his lips and the gooey melting feeling grow warm in his chest at such a basic act of kindness.
“Here to save you any day,” Buck teased in a low voice, bumping shoulders with him and Eddie let himself lean into the touch for just a second.
“Ugh, not fair, I want someone to bring me food.” Ravi whined, pouting like the petulant child Eddie swore he was most times.
“Get yourself a sugar daddy then,” Hen chimes in from where she’s walking up the steps. Ravi’s eyes widen in alarm and Eddie is just now realising that maybe he’s been out of the loop the whole time.
“
What
?!” Ravi gasped out, grinning wildly like he was just given a puppy for Christmas, swinging his legs around to sit properly in his seat and leaning forward to look at Buck and Eddie excitedly. “Is she for real?”
“No.” Eddie says at the same time Buck says “Yes.”
Eddie half-heartedly glares at him and Buck just smiles like he’s pleased with himself.
“All of you are making this a bigger deal than it is. Buck’s love language is gift giving.” Eddie explained.
“He never buys me things!” Chimney shouts from the kitchen and Hen nods. “Same here, it’s just you, Eddie.” She added and Eddie glared at her.
“Buck and I are closer,” Eddie tried and Ravi just hummed, smile growing wider.
“Won’t deny that,” He said, grin turning shark-like. “But still, Buck, you’re only buying Eddie stuff?”
“Well I buy other people stuff sometimes!” Buck defended.
“Yeah but Eddie gets something, like, every day.” Chimney comes out of the kitchen, pulling off the dish gloves from his hands. “That’s bordering sugar daddy territory.”
“Ay, Dios mío,” Eddie said, burying his face.
“What do you do in return?” Ravi asked, voice low like he was part of a secret even though half of the station knew about it. Eddie actually wouldn’t be surprised if Athena had somehow found out and told everyone at the police station. And he’s pretty sure Maddie would tell Josh (he’s learned it gets really fucking boring during downtime at the dispatch centre and gossip is the only thing that made him not wanna kill himself) and maybe Linda. And Linda can’t keep a secret for shit.
Neither can Chimney, so Albert probably knows, and Albert has probably told all his friends who don’t even know Eddie about it.
“Nothing,” Eddie said at the same time Buck said “We hang out.”
Eddie gives Buck another soft glare and Buck just smiled brightly at him, completely melting away Eddie’s glare.
“Yeah, that’s a sugar daddy.” Ravi said and Eddie groaned, leaning back on the couch and looking up at the ceiling. “Buck, can you be my sugar daddy, too?”
Buck laughed while Eddie contemplates just… you know, murdering Ravi.
“Sorry, no,” Buck said, and then nudged Eddie again. He opened his mouth to speak but Eddie pointed at him with a sharp glare.
“Don’t! Don’t say it!” Eddie said and everyone just erupted into laughter over it.
Besides the teasing though, Eddie will admit, the whole… thing , is kind of nice.
Because for starters, he’s getting a little better at accepting gifts, accepting help from other people. Things always tended to be easier with Buck, and Eddie doesn’t think he’d be able to accept this much kindness from any one else.
Eddie also now has a good idea of what Buck needs. That Buck likes to just spend time with him, or Christopher, and that it’ll make him happy. And Eddie’s gonna be honest, he hates that he and Buck ever have to be apart.
But they are both grown men with their own lives outside of each other.
And also, Eddie wouldn’t ever dare admit this to anyone other than like, maybe Frank or Buck, but he kind of likes the pampering. Even the small things, just that Buck is thinking of him, buying him food or coffee cause he figures Eddie needs it. Seeing a shirt he thinks Eddie will like, or a movie he wants to watch with him, maybe he found some cool kitchen gadget that he thinks will solve Eddie’s inability to cook more than five meals.
Eddie likes that Buck cares for him so much, that he shows it, even if it’s in a form that can be a little overwhelming for Eddie to accept sometimes.
More months pass and somehow this entire thing becomes normal, something Eddie doesn’t even stay up thinking about anymore because it just becomes another BuckandEddie thing.
Like how their clothes are so mixed up at each other’s places that Eddie isn’t even sure what shirts started out as his anymore.
Like how Buck will pick up Christopher from clubs or friends houses when Eddie has therapy.
Like how Eddie will get Buck’s mail whenever he comes over to hang out.
Like how they have their weekly movie/game nights.
So much of their life that probably seems strange or questionable to others outside of them but is just a
BuckandEddie
thing to them.
The 118 teases them still, but only sometimes because at this point they’ve also just all accepted that this is a
BuckandEddie
thing.
Eddie thinks about it sometimes though. How Buck is so desperate to show Eddie how much he cares, how Eddie sometimes has to sit him down and reassure him that he doesn’t need to buy him something all the time because he feels appreciated and cared for all the time by Buck.
They talk about their feelings a lot.
Eddie makes sure Buck knows he cares for him regardless of if he buys him things.
Buck lets Eddie know it’s
okay
to be gifted things, he doesn’t need to feel guilty for not paying him back with cash.
Eddie lets Buck know they can hang out whenever without the expectation Buck is going to buy him something.
Buck lets Eddie know he’s allowed to ask for things he wants too, that he doesn’t need to just sit in silence.
So Buck gets better at showing his appreciation other ways, and Eddie gets better at asking for it.
And now Eddie is very, very grateful for Buck. Grateful that he’s helped him overcome trauma, helped him be able to ask for help.
Except now Eddie is so goddamn vulnerable that Eddie is actively avoiding him now because he feels like the next time he and Buck are alone, he’s going to do something dumb.
Like kiss him or something.
He’s anxiously bouncing his leg in an armchair, Frank studying him with a gentle gaze and waiting for him to speak.
“You know this chair is really fucking uncomfortable, right?” Eddie complains instead of telling Frank why he called this emergency session.
“Yes, you tell me everytime you’re avoiding talking about something,” Frank said, tone bored and reading him like an open book.
Eddie glared at Frank’s shoes, hoping he could somehow will them to set themselves on fire and the emergency session can be cancelled because he’s already regretting this and it hasn’t even been five minutes.
“Glaring at my shoes isn’t going to fix anything,” Frank said and so Eddie switches to glaring at Frank’s face. Frank gives him an unimpressed look at that and writes something down on his notepad.
“You know the whole… thing with Buck?” Eddie asked and Frank hummed.
“Yes the gifting giving/quality time exchange,” Because Frank knows better than to refer to it as a sugar baby/daddy thing like everyone else has been. “Did something happen?”
“It’s just,” Eddie inhaled deeply. “Because of it, we’ve been more open and honest with our feelings.”
“That’s very good,” Frank said. “Having a safe person to open up to is always good.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Eddie said with a hand wave. “Problem
is
is that now I feel like I- I can’t shut
off
my feelings around him. Like everytime I look at him I’m about to drop to my knees and-”
Eddie then remembers that this is his therapist and while this man is getting paid to listen to his feelings, he also doesn’t get paid enough to listen to
all
of them. He cleared his throat, dropping his eyes to the floor.
“And- And, uh, propose to him.” Eddie said. Frank raises an eyebrow.
“Nice save,” He said and Eddie glanced out the window, wondering if a jump off the fourth floor would be enough to kill himself. “What’s the problem with confessing your feelings to him?”
“We’ve been over this,” Eddie said. Because they have, many times. Because Buck is so intertwined in his life, even before this
thing
that Buck comes up in every meeting before twenty minutes have even passed. So it was inevitable Eddie tell Frank about his feelings towards Buck. “I can’t tell him, it- I’d be risking
everything
. Our friendship, our work relationship. It’ll mess up Christopher’s relationship with him and I- I can’t do that to him.”
“Why is it that you always assume Buck wouldn’t return your feelings?” Frank asked. “And why do you assume that even if he didn’t, it would ruin things?”
Eddie is silent for a moment, staring out the window, jaw set.
“You always jump to the negative outcome of every opportunity that comes your way, you never let yourself think of a positive outcome.” Frank started. “I want you, just for a moment, to let yourself believe that Buck returns your feelings.”
Eddie is silent again, watching a window cleaner across the street as his mind begins to bumble around.
Let himself believe Buck loves him.
How do you even begin with that?
Eddie’s seen how Buck is with his girlfriends, how he’s practically at their hips, wrapping his arms around them or letting them wrap around him. Smiling and kissing them, talking loudly about the date ideas he has for her.
Buck isn’t like that with Eddie.
But-
But he does do that smiling head duck whenever Eddie compliments him, just like he does anytime a girl flirts with him.
And he’s always at Eddie’s place, and thinking of him.
Buck knows Eddie better than anyone and has never judged him in his weak moments, has never thought less of him.
Buck takes care of Eddie and lets Eddie take care of him, lets him barge into his house and tell him to stop being depressed and go hang out with Christopher, it’ll be good for them.
Buck didn’t flinch away or tell Eddie it was too much when Eddie put him in his will, just meshed with him and Christopher perfectly, like they were a family .
Eddie lets it swirl in circles in his mind, Buck, Buck, Buck , until the thoughts start to make him feel a little dizzy and he turned to look at Frank.
The therapist tilted his head a little.
“Buck-” Eddie started, then stopped, because he’s not sure what he’s going to say.
Could never feel that way?
Doesn’t care about me like that?
Would be disgusted with me?
Because now that Eddie’s thought about it, he’s not actually sure.
But the risk is too big.
“I can’t,” Eddie said instead, in a weak, small voice. “I- I just can’t .”
“Why not?” Frank asked.
Eddie opened his mouth but comes up blank. Because he can’t keep hiding behind Christopher. He can’t keep hiding behind a possibility that will never be his future. He can’t keep hiding behind the fact that he’s scared.
“You’re scared to let yourself be happy again,” Frank noted, because after Eddie sitting across from him in this chair once every two weeks for the past three years, Frank has gotten to know him pretty well.
“I was… I was happy with Shannon.” Eddie said, feeling tears well up. “At the start, at the end. Maybe- Maybe not so much in the middle. I wanted to try again with her, but she- She didn’t want me. And I’m just- I’m scared it’s going to be like that again. That Buck and I will start out happy and then life will hit us and it will ruin us and that- That we’ll never be us again.”
“Have you considered the alternative though?” Frank asked, twirling his pen a little.
“What alternative?” Eddie asked pathetically.
“That maybe you live happily ever after.”
Buck picks Eddie up half an hour later, and Eddie feels so drained of emotion as he gets into the Jeep.
Eddie is quiet, and Buck doesn’t talk, lets Eddie recollect himself after the draining session.
Eddie kind of wants Buck to talk though, ask him what he talked about, why he’s been ignoring him all week, jus anything because sitting in silence means being stuck with his screaming thoughts.
Confess, don’t confess, you can be happy, you might ruin everything, you guys could be perfect, we could be the worst thing to ever happen .
Eddie feels like he’s on the brink of tears because he’s just so conflicted and he doesn’t know what to do, feels like he’s pulled this way and that and he’s so stuck in his own mind that he doesn’t even notice Buck pull off the highway an exit early until it’s five minutes passed when they should’ve been home.
Eddie sits up a little in his seat, confused, eyes a little bleary because he’s holding back tears and looks around a little confused. Buck says nothing and Eddie doesn’t question him, just sits silently, but ow paying fully attention out of pure confusion.
It’s not until Buck makes a left turn that Eddie recognises that he realises where Buck is going.
It’s a diner, a cute, small family diner, that’s normally practically empty this late on a weekday, called Piero’s House. Eddie found it once after shift one day and fell in love with homey vibe of the place, with how warm and comforting the food was and it quickly became a nice place for him to go after stressful calls.
Buck took him here.
Eddie wants to start crying, like he’s genuinely holding back tears right now as Buck parks and comes over, opening his side door with a bright smile.
Eddie unbuckled and before Buck could move away, wrapped his arms tightly around him, holding him tight to his chest and Buck, with zero hesitation, wrapped his arms around him, arms big and warm, making Eddie feel like he’s in the safest place in the world.
“Thank you,” Eddie mumbled into where he had his face buried in Buck’s shoulder. He can feel Buck’s smile against the side of his head.
“Anything for you,” Buck said, which doesn’t entirely make sense but it does.
Eddie pulls back from Buck finally, and it’s almost physically painful to do so, but they both enter the small diner.
They slide into a booth together, shoulder to shoulder despite the other side being open and Buck smiled even wider and Eddie feels his frown lessen.
They order, the waitress smiling and greeting them by name because Eddie comes here… quite a bit. And once she leaves, Buck tells Eddie all about what he and Christopher got done on his project tonight.
Eddie listened intently, feeling the inner turmoil of emotions stop spinning, stop swirling around and just settle deep at the bottom of his chest.
And he finally makes up his mind.
“I love you,” Eddie said, interrupting Buck’s spiel about how Eddie needs to get better scissors because trying to cut cardboard with the ones he had were hell, turning to look at Buck to get his reaction.
Buck freezes, like full stop freezes. His hands are paused midair, his mouth is half open and he’s staring off into space.
Eddie worries for a moment that he’s having a still seizure and pokes him.
“Buck?” Eddie asked and Buck turned to him.
“You- what?” He asked, blinking like he was dreaming. Eddie inhaled a little deeply and sat up straighter.
“I love you.” Eddie informed him, more confident this time. He still has conflicting feelings about it, he’s still worried about the outcome to this all, but he’s confident that no matter what happens, they’ll get past it.
Buck blinked some more, turning to face him more properly. “You- You love me?” Buck asked and Eddie nodded. “Like… Like in a bro way or-?”
Eddie can’t fight the smile that makes it’s way on his lips and he ducks his head, laughing a little.
“No,” Eddie said, once he caught his breath. “No Buck, not in a bro-way . I’m in love with you.”
“Oh.” Buck said, still again, and Eddie would worry if not for the giant smile on his face. “I love you too.”
Eddie sighed a little in relief, shoulders relaxing and he looked up at Buck.
“You do?” Eddie asked and Buck seemed to catch on to the fact Eddie hadn’t known this because his expression turned more seriously. He grabbed Eddie gently by his shoulders, looking him in his eyes intensely.
“Eddie, how could I not?” Buck said, and he says it like the idea of not loving Eddie was impossible and Eddie feels warm and sappy and gooey. “God you’re just- Eddie, you’re so perfect, and I- I wish I could do more than just buy you dinner after an intense therapy session. I wish I could erase anything that’s ever made you sad, take away all your problems. Eddie, I love you so much that I- I don’t know what to do with it.”
Eddie smiles and he’s crying a little now because he never thought he’d get this, this happiness. Never thought he was allowed it.
He raises his hands up to cup Buck’s face in his hands and pulls him a little closer.
“I know what you could do with it,” Eddie said and Buck’s face blossoms red as he lets Eddie pull him down for a kiss.
And there are no fireworks, Eddie doesn’t feel like he’s going to explode because this is reality, not a rom-com, but he thinks it’s pretty damn near close.
Eddie never wants to pull away, he never wants to stop kissing Buck, loves being able to feel him against his lips, his face under his hands, his warmth against his chest.
Eddie wants to live in this moment forever.
“Which one of you got the homestyle burger and fries?” Their waitress asked, appearing at their side and Eddie jolts back away from Buck, looking at her mortified but she does not look like she could be paid enough to care about two customers making out in a booth.
“Uh, I did.” Buck said, clearing his throat and it makes Eddie a little giddy at how frazzled he sounds.
The waitress sets their plates down and then walks away and Eddie and Buck turn to look at each other, smiling widely before erupting into laughter.
Buck grabbed Eddie’s hand, holding it in his and Eddie likes the heavy warmth in his hand.
And when the check comes, Buck pays and Eddie joked that now he could pay Buck back with kisses.
“Well now that’s actually broaching on sugar daddy territory.” Buck joked and Eddie grinned.
“Dunno, kind of seems like you’re into it.” Eddie said as they walk out to the Jeep. Buck grinned, looked around the parking lot, before he placed his hands on Eddie’s hips and turned him around, pulling him in close.
Eddie sucked in a breath fast, placing his hands on Buck’s chest and looking up at him. His face was overwhelmingly hot as he swallowed thickly.
“And what if I am?” Buck asked, smiling way too brightly for how deep and low his voice is. “You don’t seem to be too against the whole ordeal.”
Eddie flushed and lifted his head up a little to try and be more Buck’s height. Buck takes the opportunity to lower his head down and start kissing up Eddie’s neck.
Eddie sucks in a sharp breath and grips the front of Buck’s shirt.
“You make it hard to tease you,” Eddie complained, but doesn’t shove Buck away, tilting his head back a little more.
“Mm, maybe it’s just because you’re a little into the sugar baby thing too,” Buck said and Eddie groaned.
“Don’t you dare tell Hen or Chimney.” Eddie said instead of arguing against it and buck just laughed against his neck, pulling away to look him in the eyes, his own blue ones twinkling at him.
“My lips are sealed.” Buck said and Eddie grinned.
“They better not be,” Eddie said and pulled him down into another kiss.
They get home later than they expected, Christopher shaking his head at them as Carla dips out.
“You’re late,” He said, but he’s smiling because they’re holding hands.
“Yeah sorry, had to take your dad out for some food,” Buck said, and Eddie smiled at him. “We got distracted.”
Christopher looked down at their hands and then up at them, smiling and saying nothing as he nodded and then went off to his room.
“I think he approves,” Buck whispered all conspiratol to Eddie.
Eddie chuckled and grabbed the front of Buck’s shirt, walking backwards and pulling him with him.
“Oh please, he’s been wanting me to tell you for years.” Eddie said and Buck’s eyes went wide.
“ Years? ” He asked as Eddie pulled him into his room and Eddie nodded.
“Yeah,” Eddie said. “I wasn’t ready.”
Buck gave him an understanding look, pulling Eddie in close.
“You are now though?” Buck asked and Eddie thought for a moment, staring at his hand on Buck’s chest.
“No,” Eddie said, honest. “But I’m done waiting to let myself be happy.”
Buck grinned widely and leaned down, pressing a burning kissing to Eddie’s lips and Eddie melts into it.
“You deserve to be,” Buck said and then got soft again. “I make you happy?”
“You make me feel things I never knew I could,” Eddie admitted, taking another step back and pulling them both onto the bed, Buck falling on top of him, bracketing him in with his arms. “But most of all, you make me happy. Feel like I deserve to be happy.”
Buck doesn’t respond verbally then, just pressing down and kissing Eddie deeply and Eddie lets him, lets himself be happy, lets himself enjoy this.
Looking back on it in a few years, he’s going to laugh about how the whole sugar baby/daddy situation was probably the reason he ever confessed, the reason he ever got to the point where he could tell Buck his feelings.
And he tells no one because he knows he’ll never live it down.