Chapter Text
miles isn’t quite sure how long he’s been sitting on the rooftop of one of nueva york’s many skyscrapers.
all he knows is that he’s been there long enough to watch the sun slowly set, and for the moon to begin to rise. long enough, he supposes, for any potential concern for his whereabouts.
miles swings his legs idly over the edge, watching as the spider-people busy themselves with late night tasks. further down, he can see the bustling city, just as loud as his own universe’s brooklyn.
his spidey-sense suddenly flares, but miles doesn’t react, knowing that it’s doing so in familiarity. someone sits down next to him, and miles glances over to see peter, surprisingly without mayday.
miles vocalizes this, and peter chuckles quietly. “wouldn’t really want mayday to be at the edge of a building, would i?”
huh. he makes a good point.
miles hums, turning back to the scenery in front of him. it’s silent between the two of them, and mile knows that peter’s letting him have the opportunity to speak first.
so he does.
“i’m – really sorry, man.”
“what for, kid?” peter asks in confusion, tilting his head. “you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“for freaking you out in medbay, and freaking out on you, too,” miles sighs. a sudden cold breeze passes through, and miles shivers, pulling up his hood. “i really didn’t, uh, mean for that to happen.”
“to be honest, i don’t even know much about why,” peter says lightly, clearly trying to not pressure miles into talking if he doesn’t want to. “hobie just said i reminded you of your peter parker.”
“connect the dots, old man.”
peter makes a noise of confusion, and miles rolls his eyes, albeit fondly. “remember how i became spider-man?”
“yeah, and then the whole kingpin thing with your peter, and–” realization dawns on peter suddenly. “oh.”
“yeah.” miles wrings his hands, taking a deep breath. “you, uh… you just reminded me of my universe’s peter. and after having just dealt with a somehow resurrected green goblin that aided in his death, and then seeing you there… i thought i was losing it, dude. i thought he had come back, and i just… broke down.”
“but those other things you said…”
ah.
miles tenses up at the reminder, stubbornly looking away. “i have no idea what you’re talkin’ ‘bout.”
“kid, hobie told me what you said after i had left.”
man .
miles can’t even bring himself up to be mad at hobie. he know that the older teen had done it with his intentions in mind, and hobie usually never does something like this unless necessary.
but he just… really didn’t know how to talk about all that.
“miles…?”
“sometimes i think i shouldn’t be the living spider-man of my universe.”
silence falls between them. miles stares intently over the skyline, refusing to make eye contact with peter. he can hear his own heartbeat roaring in his ears, senses suddenly heightened in his distress.
it’s not something that miles has been thinking about only recently. no – he’s thought of it on occasion the whole time he’s been spider-man, but it only got heightened as of late. and to him, most of the time, these are just fleeting thoughts that he won’t ever act out. but sometimes, as he lays in bed for hours on end, unable to fall asleep, he wonders of the consequences of such actions, and if it isn’t all that bad.
eventually, though, he hears a deep, shaky breath from peter.
“why… why do you think that?”
miles blinks sluggishly, trying to rack his mind. he turns to face peter, surprised to see that his eyes were wet. but peter stares at him, waiting for him to answer, and miles sighs – “i just… don’t think that i deserved the mantle.”
“you absolutely do deserve it,” peter says firmly, turning his body so that he’s fully facing miles. “kid, i’ve never seen a spider be as quick and agile, so in tune with everything around him, as you, with the rare exception. you were meant to be spider-man.”
“that’s not what miguel thought.”
as soon as it left his mouth, miles immediately regretted it. he slaps his hand over his mouth as peter inhales sharply, and miles can see his resolve crumble momentarily before he steels himself back up. “look, kid–”
“i’m sorry, i know we’ve been tryin’ to move on from that,” miles apologizes quickly, shaking his head. “i didn’t mean it–”
“hey, listen,” peter says, and miles looks up. “miguel did think that, unfortunately. but now, he shares the sentiment as me, and that’s what currently matters. like you said, the two of you have been working on moving forth, and i, quite frankly, think you guys have been doing great.
“but, canon events or anomalies or whatever – i don’t give a fuck about those,” peter adds firmly, and miles blinks in surprise at hearing him curse. “you are spider-man – end of story. there’s nothing more to it. is the way that you became spider-man a little more fucked up than others? absolutely. it doesn’t make you any less spider-man, though.”
“i just wish it had been me instead of pe–”
“absolutely not.” peter reaches for miles, gripping his shoulders and staring him in the eyes. “do not think like that.”
“but i–”
“i don’t care,” peter says firmly. “i– miles, i don’t want you going down this spiral where you think you should be the dead one instead. i get it, i do. i wished it was me instead of uncle ben. but that thought doesn’t help you in the long run. it only drives you deeper into the hole.
“you’re a strong kid, and i don’t want to see anything bringing you down.” peter takes a deep breath, and miles can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt when a lone tear manages to slide down peter’s face. “i care – we all care for you. none of us wish it was you in your peter’s place, or any of that.
“and i’m sorry for not realizing my presence might not have been helpful, at the medbay.” peter holds up his hand to stop miles from protesting, and continues, “yes, it’s neither of our faults. but i should’ve remembered, and i’m sorry nonetheless for accidentally making you panic.”
“‘s all good, man,” miles whispers, blinking away the sudden onset of tears that he didn’t even know were forming in his eyes. “i just… i dunno. it’s difficult, ya know? to deal with all of this, especially when there was already someone in your place beforehand.”
“i understand,” peter reassures softly. “but that’s why i need you to talk to us, yeah? i’m really glad you told me all of this, despite you initially not meaning to.”
“i trust you, man,” miles says with a shrug. “i don’t see any reason for me not to eventually tell you.”
peter opens his arms, and miles immediately dives for a hug, letting peter hold him close. he feels peter take a deep breath, and peter says quietly, “i’m sorry for not noticing earlier.”
“not your fault,” miles says, shaking his head. “i kept it hidden from everyone. i don’t ever really, like… talk about this sort of stuff.”
“i’m glad you’ve started,” peter says earnestly. “it’s never a bad thing to talk about. we want to know if and when something’s bothering you. we wanna make sure you’re all good, kiddo.”
miles nods, humming softly in understanding. peter rubs miles’s arm, and adds thoughtfully, “you know, i think you should… talk to miguel, about the subconscious grudge you have.”
“man, not you too,” miles groans dramatically. “hobie already told me i have to talk to him about all this, i can’t just straight up trauma dump on the man.”
“eh, just think of it as like, reparations or something,” peter says nonchalantly with a shrug, making miles burst out laughing. “for him chasing after you. and indirectly trauma dumping on you when the whole thing happened.”
“this is why you’re my favorite adult spider-man,” miles says with a satisfied nod, leaning against peter. “you know what’s up.”
another moment of silence falls between them, and miles looks up at peter. “i wouldn’t say no to mayday pictures right now.”
peter grins brightly, and immediately takes out his phone, rambling about all the shenanigans that mayday has been getting into.
and miles amuses him, smiling the whole time as he watches the photos being flipped through.
maybe he’ll talk to miguel in the morning…