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Shen Jiu doesn’t swim.
He can count the number of times he’s been to the beach on one hand, and all of them were against his will. Why waste time on a cold beach and resign to finding sand in his shoes for the next week when he could have a much more relaxing time on dry land?
But that idiotic Yue Qi kept mentioning to him that his family had a very nice property in an idyllic looking seaside town that wasn’t too long of a drive from the city, and then Shen Yuan overheard, and then they had to go to the beach because Shen Yuan's best friend went to the beach on vacation last summer so they had to go too.
What are they teaching him at school, to have his A-Yuan bending to peer pressure like this? These aren't the kinds of values Shen Jiu has been trying to instil in Shen Yuan since he was small enough to keep in a handbag. Why can't Shen Yuan start insisting on helping out with the housework, ah? He’s only six, but the principle is still there!
The problem is that Shen Yuan is as stubborn as him. Once he’s got an idea in his head he won’t back down without a fight.
And, well…
To be honest, Shen Jiu is tired. They’ve been working him like a dog at his job recently, and he hasn’t spent nearly as much time with A-Yuan as he would like, so he guesses he can take a few vacation days and accept Yue Qi’s invitation to go live by the sea for a long weekend.
But he’s not swimming.
Sitting here under the umbrella is perfectly good enough. It’s not as hot as the weather app forecasted, but the umbrella blocks the wind enough that Shen Jiu is perfectly comfortable, curled up under a blanket with a book that he’s been meaning to finish for the last month.
“Daddy!”
Yue Qi and Shen Yuan look ridiculous - two tiny figures standing in the water, shouting and waving at him like maniacs. Good thing this is a private beach.
Shen Jiu makes sure his disapproving face is exaggerated enough to read from a distance.
“Daaaddy! Come here! ”
Is that–? Did he just see Yue Qi egging his son on?
Shen Yuan is kept firmly in Yue Qi’s grip with a hand on his shoulder. The water reaches his son’s hips, and the waves don’t seem to be strong enough to reach his face. Good.
A larger wave comes by and splashes into the back of Yue Qi, who lifts Shen Yuan up by the armpits and bobs him along the wave as it rushes past. Shen Yuan tucks his arms and legs in obediently as his face is overtaken by a big, blinding grin.
Hm. Shen Jiu is glad he’s having fun.
Yue Qi is wearing trunks just like A-Yuan and his hair, usually meticulously perfect, is beginning to wilt from the constant onslaught of ocean spray.
It’s not the first time he’s seen him shirtless, but Shen Jiu has to admit that he looks pretty good. He’s not complimenting him; it’s an objective fact. Yue Qi looked after himself well in the years that he was gone, even without a Xiao Jiu there to nag him relentlessly about every little thing. The Qi-ge he remembers used to be so useless at looking after himself.
It makes that familiar uncertainty curl in his stomach again. Even now, Shen Jiu can’t shake the feeling that this is all a prank. Someone's going to come out of a bush with a camera, and a smiley, insufferable TV host will shove a microphone under his nose and tell him that all of this is a sham, and isn't it so funny how stupid he's looked for the last few months?
He fiddles with the page in front of him until it gets an ugly crease, takes a sip from his bottle of lukewarm green tea and buries his nose back in his novel. If this is a prank, he's already fallen for it. Might as well see it through to the end. At least A-Yuan’s getting something out of it.
Yue Qi, to Shen Jiu’s surprise and immense irritation, raises his voice as well.
“Shen Jiu! The water is warm once you get used to it! Won’t you come play with A-Yuan for a bit?”
When he glances back up again, Yue Qi’s smile is almost as blinding as A-Yuan’s.
It seems they’re both having fun. Well. Shen Jiu’s having a great time reading through this eight hundred page non-fiction war novel. Maybe even more fun. He doesn’t need to go over there and get himself dirty.
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady!”
Ugh. Fine. If his resting bitch face isn’t going to do the talking for him, he’s going to have to walk over there and use his words instead. The blanket gets shoved under his bag, and the book goes under that, and then Shen Jiu is stalking barefoot over sun-warmed sand to his son and his childhood frie–
Ahem. Ex-childhood friend.
Yue Qi and Shen Yuan meander closer to the shore to meet him. When they get close enough Shen Yuan splashes over to latch onto Shen Jiu’s side.
“Play with us,” Shen Yuan says, voice insistent, peering up at him with big brown eyes that look just like his.
Shen Jiu makes a face. Shen Yuan’s wet hair is soaking into the side of his short-sleeved hoodie. Good thing he has trunks on. He wasn’t planning on swimming at all when he bought them, of course, but constantly washing off sea salt from his clothes isn’t appealing, especially after already having to struggle with the tidal wave of dirty laundry that is his son.
Shen Jiu sighs and combs a hand though Shen Yuan’s messy hair, pushing it back from his face. If Shen Jiu refuses to stay for at least a little bit, he knows he’ll have a tantrum.
Shen Jiu resigns to his fate. Ugh, when did he get so soft?
“They’ll steal our things now that I’m not there,” Shen Jiu says flatly, eyeing the water sinking into the sand inches from his feet.
No-one’s going to be stealing them. It’s a private beach, part of the Yue estate. There are probably guards hiding in the bushes somewhere for all he knows. He certainly wouldn’t be surprised.
“I will keep an eye on them,” Yue Qi says amicably. “Now, shall we go a bit further out?”
“Yes!” Shen Yuan grabs Shen Jiu’s hand and tugs him forward. “Come on, Daddy.”
“The hoodie stays on,” Shen Jiu says, suppressing a shudder as the freezing cold sea slaps into his feet.
Yue Qi takes Shen Yuan’s other hand and the three of them wade out into the water.
…
It’s… not that bad.
Maybe it’s not that bad in the water if they’re all here together. And if they don’t go too far, of course. If he walks carefully, it’s almost like he’s on land.
Shen Jiu would never admit it, but if Yue Qi wasn’t here he wouldn’t be even half as calm as he is. When they stop wading out they continue to flank Shen Yuan on both sides, ready to catch him if the current gets too strong. Yue Qi also keeps his word and angles himself to watch the beach so Shen Jiu can focus on watching his son demonstrate each of the little tricks he learnt in his swimming lessons
“Look!”
“I’m already looking. Hurry up and show me,” Shen Jiu grumbles. The lower edge of his hoodie is sticking heavily on his back. It’s uncomfortable.
Shen Yuan crouches down until the water reaches his neck, then flicks his arms up but doesn’t let them break the surface. It displaces the water and makes a small mushroom shaped ripple in the water between them.
Then Shen Yuan beams up at him.
Shen Jiu sniffs. “Very cool. Is that what they’re teaching you in your swimming lessons, or are you actually learning how to swim?”
Shen Yuan doesn’t understand his father’s thinly veiled insult to his swim teachers, obviously. He beams even wider.
“Wow!” Yue Qi says admiringly, when Shen Yuan turns to him.
“I can make it bigger!” Shen Yuan insists. “Look!”
Shen Yuan crouches again and makes the same movement, but faster. This time his arms do break the surface, and Shen Jiu ( only Shen Jiu) gets a faceful of salty water.
“Hmph!”
His son’s eyes go big as his failed trick dribbles down his father's face and neck to soak into the collar of Shen Jiu’s hoodie.
"Oops."
Yue Qi, very cleverly, does not laugh.
“Shen Jiu, are you okay?” he asks in a slighted strained voice, and makes an aborted movement towards him as Shen Jiu wipes his face.
“Shen Yuan, A good son does not splash his father,” he grumbles.
Then Shen Jiu reaches down and flicks the water’s surface, sending a few drops of water into his son’s direction. It's only fair.
Shen Yuan laughs and splashes him again.
“Agh! Little boy, come here,” Shen Jiu says through gritted teeth, water still streaming into his eyes. He splashes blindly in front of him.
Shen Yuan screams and wades clumsily to hide behind Yue Qi, who has a sickeningly gooey smile on his face. So Shen Jiu splashes him too.
Yue Qi clearly hadn’t been expecting it. He gasps like a fish, and when Shen Yuan laughs hysterically Shen Jiu can’t stop the corner of his mouth from crooking upward a little bit too.
That was incredibly satisfying.
Then Shen Yuan, as treacherous as ever, jumps out and splashes Yue Qi as well before running giggling to hide behind Shen Jiu this time. Shen Jiu pats his head. Good boy.
“Xiao Jiu, A-Yuan. That was cruel of you. I was a neutral party,” the taller man says pitifully, trying and failing to push his ruined hair back off his forehead.
“Hm. Serves you right for not protecting me. You’re liable too. That Shen Yuan creature is a little terror.” Shen Jiu grouses. Shen Yuan giggles again and continues to hug onto Shen Jiu’s side like a little barnacle. The moving weight of his son and the tugging of the gentle waves makes Shen Jiu nervously adjust his footing on the shifting sand, but he keeps his face perfectly straight.
When Shen Jiu turns to the beach to check that their belongings are still there, he feels Shen Yuan’s arms let go and then someone splashes him again .
Yue Qi is standing there with arms outstretched and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Shen Yuan stands in the middle, his gaze flicking between the two of them with big eyes and a finger to his lips as if Yue Qi had shushed him.
Shen Jiu glares and rakes his hair from his face. “A-Yuan, over here,” he snaps. Shen Yuan obediently shimmies over, finger still in place.
When Shen Jiu squares up and glares even more intensely, Yue Qi goes pale.
“I—Xiao—“ the idiot splutters. “Shen Jiu, I’m so—“
“A-Yuan,” Shen Jiu commands. “Your strongest attack, please.”
Yue Qi’s haircut doesn’t survive the watery artillery from their father-and-son duo. It’s only when Yue Qi stumbles and falls down with a great splash that Shen Jiu decides to call a ceasefire.
Yue Qi looks comically overwhelmed, breathing hard with narrowed pupils and slightly flushed cheeks. His hair is plastered to his head like a helmet. It reminds Shen Jiu of the choppy bowl cut he used to sport when they were kids.
“It seems I’ve been defeated,” Yue Qi says mildly. Shen Jiu snorts, and the other man’s face goes just as gooey and disgusting as before.
Shen Jiu feels himself shiver. “Come on, let’s go back. It’s getting cold.”
No-one protests, and the three of them link up into a chain again with A-Yuan in the middle. The waves are stronger than before. Shen Jiu fights down his nervousness and does his best to stay upright as they wade closer to the shore.
Shen Yuan tugs on both of their arms. “Qi-ge, Daddy, can I ride them again one more time? Please!”
Yue Qi’s smile beats down on Shen Yuan like a small sun. “Okay. is A-Yuan ready?”
Shen Jiu catches on quickly. After turning around to face the waves, they both tug at Shen Yuan’s arms in sync, lifting him up with each wave as it comes. Shen Yuan giggles non-stop. Shen Jiu hopes he’ll tire himself out enough to sleep well tonight. Shen Jiu’s certainly tiring himself out doing this.
“Higher!” Shen Yuan says when a bigger wave comes.
So they go higher.
“Higher!” Shen Yuan insists again, when an even bigger wave comes, high enough to slap into Shen Jiu’s chest. He feels himself freeze up.
Another wave. It’s much, much too high.
Shen Jiu feels his pupils shrink as the crest of the wave curls over the top of their heads and the water at his legs sinks, sucking him forward and making Shen Jiu stumble. Next to him, Shen Yuan‘s eyes go very big.
Yue Qi makes a sudden movement in the corner of his eye before the wave comes crashing down over their heads. Shen Jiu toes leave the bottom. And, like the complete idiot that he is, he panics too much and lets go of A-Yuan’s hand.
“A–!”
A-Yuan! He wants to shout, but the water rushes into his mouth the moment he opens it. It’s salty and cold and not air. He’s completely underwater.
The water takes him up at first, making him feel weightless in a sickening way, then sends him crashing down to the seafloor. His face scrapes against the grains as his hands and feet scrabble instinctively at the ground for purchase. But the soft sand doesn’t give him anything to hold and the water continues to churn, so powerful that Shen Jiu is left like a ragdoll caught in the current until an arm grabs firmly on Shen Jiu’s waist and pulls him up. He must have kicked his saviour by accident – they lurch a little before Shen Jiu is pulled all the way up and his head breaks the surface.
Shen Jiu starts gasping and coughing. He’s as blind as he was underwater. He’d unscrew his eyes, but his hair is plastered over them and water’s still pouring from it like he’s standing in tropical rain. The arm guides him firmly in a completely different direction than he thought the shore was, and Shen Jiu clings onto the body attached to it for dear life. His legs feel as limp as noodles.
Hard, wet sand turns soft and powdery as Yue Qi guides him back to safety.
Because it’s definitely Yue Qi. And from the level of the water at his legs when Yue Qi helped him stand, the depth of the water he’d been struggling in hadn’t been very deep at all.
…How embarrassing.
“A-Yuan,” Shen Jiu croaks.
“A-Yuan’s safe.” Yue Qi’s voice is warm and solid, just like the arm around his waist. “He’s just up here, see?”
“Daddy!” Shen Jiu hears his son shout, uncomfortably close to his ear, and two small hands land on his chest.
“A-Yuan, a towel, please,” Yue Qi says quickly. The hands disappear as quickly as they came, followed by the sound of Shen Yuan emptying out one of the bags.
He’s guided to sit down on the picnic blanket, which probably gets soaked through immediately.
Shen Jiu’s hair tie disappeared somewhere in the water, leaving his shoulder length hair to cling to his face like wet curtains. A large, warm hand pushes the strands from his face, allowing Shen Jiu to see that Yue Qi is alarmingly close, and his arm is still around him .
“Xiao Jiu, can you take your shirt off?”
The soaking wet hoodie gets tossed into the sand with a slap. Yue Qi crowds in front of him again.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” Shen Jiu rasps.
Yue Qi’s big, dark eyes shine as he frowns at him. Shen Jiu has to stare at his feet instead. For some reason, he feels himself blushing.
“Are you sure? I’m so sorry Xiao Jiu, I should have made us leave earlier. You’re sure you're okay? Did you swallow any water?”
Shen Jiu swallowed lots of water, actually.
“I’m fine ,” Shen Jiu snaps.
And starts shivering uncontrollably.
Yue Qi’s hand moves to his shoulder and rubs it gently. Yue Qi’s hand is very warm. Or maybe Shen Jiu is very cold.
“I’ll take care of everything,” Yue Qi says quietly. The hand on Shen Jiu’s shoulder disappears, and is promptly replaced by a thick, fluffy grey towel that's slighty sandy but smells like Yue Qi’s favourite detergent brand.
Then another towel lands on his head. Yue Qi lightly presses the towel onto Shen Jiu’s scalp, soaking up the water there, before removing it and using it to gently squeeze the length of his hair. He does it slowly and carefully. Shen Jiu doesn’t feel any tugs or pulls.
By the time Yue Qi finishes, Shen Jiu feels like he’s gone mute. He lets Yue Qi manhandle him however he wants, pushing him to sit further underneath the umbrella and pressing his son, also swaddled in a towel, into his side.
“I think that’s enough beach for today. A-Yuan, can you keep your father warm while I pack up our things?
It’s only then that Yue Qi uses their last dry towel to dry his hair and wipe over his body. He tugs on a sweatshirt and starts organising the pile of sunscreen and snacks and whatever else Shen Yuan left dumped on the ground.
Shen Yuan nods, uncharacteristically quiet, and burrows deeper into Shen Jiu’s side. Shen Jiu’s hands are still trembling when he reaches to pull Shen Yuan into a hug. Shen Yuan closes the rest of the distance and crawls into his lap, looping his arms around Shen Jiu’s torso and resting his head against his chest.
“Were you scared, Daddy?”
Shen Jiu shakes his head and presses his face into his son’s hair. The smell of his shampoo is gone, replaced with the salty brine of the ocean.
“A-Yuan wasn’t scared,” Shen Yuan says.
“That’s good,” Shen Jiu tells him quietly.
“Daddy’s shaking,” his son says after a few moments of silence, voice muffled. He hugs Shen Jiu tighter and presses his face back in his chest.
Shen Jiu combs his fingers through Shen Yuan’s damp hair. Parts of it are almost dry, nearly returning to its usual fluffiness.
“Daddy was a little scared before, but he’s okay now. Daddy can’t swim very well. That’s why A-Yuan is taking swimming lessons, so he doesn’t end up like Daddy. Don’t you think your Daddy looks silly now?”
Shen Yuan thinks for a moment. He blinks his big brown eyes and nods once.
“Wrong answer.” Shen Qingqiu pinches his son’s cheek.
Shen Yuan whines.
*
Hot tea in his hands. A luxurious fluffy rug between his toes. A warm, heavy blanket around his shoulders.
Combining them altogether feeds the bone-deep tiredness in Shen Jiu, but he can’t afford to sleep yet. They haven’t eaten dinner, and Shen Yuan barely ate the lunch they packed during all the excitement at the beach.
The problem is that Shen Jiu… can’t… move.
As if he hasn’t already embarrassed himself enough, he finds himself dozing lightly in the living room/kitchen combination, a wide, airy modern monstrosity of a room with floor to ceiling windows, the largest television that Shen Jiu has ever seen, and three harsh-looking rectangular sofas that are unreasonably comfortable.
To Shen Jiu’s knowledge, A-Yuan is busying himself rolling around on the rug at his feet, playing noisily with the strange monster figure that Auntie Cheng gave him "just because". It wasn't even his birthday. Shen Yuan's going to grow up a spoiled brat at this rate.
He thinks he hears Yue Qi call Shen Yuan into the kitchen area. After that there’s a thunder of little footsteps, leaving Shen Jiu to drift in and out of consciousness by himself.
He doesn’t know how much time passes before Yue Qi’s gentle coaxing and light hands move him from under the blanket and to the dinner table, where a hot, steaming bowl of noodles sits waiting for him.
It’s a quiet dinner until Shen Yuan starts fussing about eating the greens he’s left at the bottom of his bowl. He’s obviously tired, and little glittering tears spring into the boy's eyes when he realises he’s not going to be able to cry his way out of this one.
After he finishes he’s whisked up into Shen Jiu’s arms and the familiar routine of medicine-pyjamas-brush-teeth takes place with Yue Qi standing there helpfully, always ready to hand over the toothpaste or a newly laundered sleep shirt before Shen Jiu can even think about it.
Shen Yuan’s snoring away clutching his stuffed dragon in no time, leaving Shen Jiu and Yue Qi to creep out together silently.
Shen Jiu heads for the kitchen. Yue Qi follows him.
“This is the most tired I’ve seen him,” Yue Qi says in a low voice, smiling, as Shen Jiu hums, settles in front of the kitchen sink (there are two of them, how unnecessary), and rolls up his sleeves.
“Oh, you don’t have to wash up, I’m happy to–!” Yue Qi stutters out, when Shen Jiu turns on the tap.
“It’s fine.”
Shen Jiu tackles the washing up with practised efficiency. Yue Qi hovers just behind his shoulder awkwardly until the idiot realises he can make himself useful tidying up the rest of the room.
It’s a relief when Yue Qi walks away.
The air in this house feels heavy with something. Shen Jiu doesn’t know what, doesn’t want to know what, but the fact he doesn’t leaves him feeling vulnerable and naked, ready to jump at nearly anything.
Part of himself feels foolish for exposing so much of himself to Yue Qi like this, and even worse for A-Yuan. He’s been wrestling with this since the beginning, slowly falling for the temptation of an extra babysitter for Shen Yuan that he trusts, a familiar face to come home to, someone who knows Shen Jiu in almost his entirety and still cares about him after all of that.
For some reason Shen Jiu has been craving more and more of it, feeling stronger and stronger urges to hoard these moments with Yue Qi all to himself like a jealous child. It scares him. Shen Jiu didn’t put all this work into building this life just to feel insecure like this.
Before he realises, Shen Jiu has scrubbed the same pot three times over and the tips of his fingers are pale and wrinkled. The sink is empty. A quick glance around the room, his gaze deliberately skirting past Yue Qi’s inquisitive smile, tells Shen Jiu that there’s nothing left to do. Yue Qi just finished wiping the surfaces.
It’s time for bed, but Shen Jiu hesitates.
“Is something wrong?” Yue Qi calls out softly. The man walks across the room to hover by the kitchen island, a few arm lengths out of reach.
Shen Jiu crosses his arms, hiding his cold, clammy hands from view. “I’m fine,” he says. It comes out a little colder than he intended.
For a moment Yue Qi’s expression looks as lost and open as a child
“Um. I’m—I just wanted to say.“ The man lets out a short breath. “I’m really happy you came, Shen Jiu,” Yue Qi says, eyes searching Shen Jiu’s face intently enough that it makes him feel even more uncomfortable. “Would you like some tea? Maybe we could relax out here for a bit. It’s the least I could do after--”
Shen Jiu tightens his arms around himself and angles his body away from Yue Qi but keeps his voice as gentle as he can. “No thank you. I’m going to bed.”
Yue Qi smiles gently back at him, but looks a little crestfallen. “I understand. It’s been a long day after all. Good night, Shen Jiu.”
The tone of voice is achingly familiar, bringing back memories from the children's home like it always does - kicking each other's shins, bland overcooked food and giggling together under scratchy blankets.
Goodnight, Xiao Jiu!
Xiao Jiu, I'm scared. Can I sleep with you tonight?
Xiao Jiu!
Shen Jiu sighs. Yue Qi probably doesn't even remember it.
“Good night, Qi-ge. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
One day this will all collapse. One day Yue Qi will realise that he doesn’t need an irritable, overly-attached anxiety-ridden man with a shitty family and not a single person to vouch for him.
Maybe not now, but some day.