Work Text:
He was waiting outside the front of the base for the rest of his team to head to the battle point, standing up straight, not an article out of place. The morning sun beat down on his oversized helmet, and Soldier turned his head to look around. No one was there, and it was already passed eight. He fidgeted slightly, wondering if he'd gotten his days mixed up again, and hastily marched back into the base.
Inside, the hallways of the base were long and empty, only a few lights coming from the ceiling at each end. Soldier marched down them, worry flooding through him. As he approached the kitchen area, he opened the double doors to find Heavy and Medic enjoying a quiet breakfast at a table at the far end of the room. He almost stumbled inside, a hand holding his helmet in place.
"Is it the weekend?" He asked, his voice gruff, but still a tremble behind it. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten again.
Medic looked up from his newspaper and frowned. Heavy glanced over at him, frowning slightly as well.
"Ja, Soldier, it is. You have forgotten again, haven't you?"
"What do you mean 'again'? I haven't forgotten!"
Heavy raised an eyebrow, a small frown forming at the corner of his mouth. "You are forgetting many things, I think."
"Don't try to confuse me, you... you commie!"
Medic stood up from the table, pushing the chair back. His face was stern and disapproving, and Soldier looked away, ashamed.
"Now, now, Soldier. There is no need for name calling. We are only concerned for you, you know," Medic folded his arms, his cold blue eyes studying his face, "Are you in need of a check up?"
Soldier shook his head, pushing his helmet further down on his head, as if he was hiding behind it. He was sweating, but the cold air in the base made him shiver.
"No. I'm not."
Medic frowned again, and then turned to Heavy, speaking to him in German. Heavy replied, also in German, and then Medic turned back to Soldier, speaking in English once more.
"Soldier, you are coming with me, we must talk about this. You are not yourself lately. Come."
Soldier didn't move, and Heavy watched them, not saying anything, but there was concern in his face. Soldier started to fidget with his hands, looking around the kitchen, at the walls, at anything, and then Medic came up to him and placed a hand on his arm.
"It is okay, Soldier, just come with me," Medic's voice was gentle, but firm, and Soldier was hesitant to do so, but followed Medic out of the kitchen and down the hall, back to the small office room that was Medic's work place.
Soldier didn't like the office. It smelled of old blood and latex, and the table was always stained. Medic went and sat down on the wooden chair behind the desk on the edge of the room, and Soldier stood, leaning against the wall and refusing to look at the table. Medic sighed, looking up at him.
"I can't help you if you won't let me."
"I don't got any problems, Doc, just let it be."
"Just sit, please."
Soldier shifted slightly, and then did as Medic told him, sitting down across from the other man. He felt uneasy being here. It reminded him of a time when he had been sick, and had come in here. Medic had told him that he needed to come back, and that there were things that were wrong with his mind. There was nothing wrong with his mind.
Medic sat back in his chair and folded his hands on the desk in front of him. He looked serious, but then again he always did.
"You know what the problem is, yes?"
"I don't have a problem," Soldier snapped, his voice low, almost a growl. He gripped at the straps on his helmet, wondering how this could be happening.
"Yes you do, and you are very lucky to have people like us to help you."
Soldier scoffed. "I don't need help."
Medic sighed again, looking tired. He seemed to have an endless supply of those sighs, and Soldier thought that if he heard them one more time, he'd really go crazy.
"Soldier, I want to help you. Please let me help you. We only want what is best for you."
Soldier looked down, trying to stop the anger and shame that he felt rising in him. It was hard to swallow. "Just forget it, Doc."
Soldier stood, turning his back to Medic. He took a step towards the door, but Medic spoke again. He wished he would just shut up.
"You are forgetting things. You are forgetting to eat, and you are forgetting to take care of yourself."
Soldier refused to listen to him. He needed to get out of here. The office was suffocating him.
"Your behaviour is... different, Soldier," Medic sounded angry, but Soldier still didn't turn. "It is not like you."
"Well, that's too bad," Soldier said, his voice clipped, as if he was in pain, "Maybe you don't know me after all."
He walked through the doors of the medbay, leaving Medic there, clenching a fist and staring down at the bloodstained wood of his desk.
-
Outside, the sun was beginning to set. The sky was an orange color, and the air was cool and still. He dragged his feet across the red dirt of the desert, his rocket launcher propped on his shoulder. Soldier stopped to look around, wondering what he was going to do.
Sometimes, when his mind was muddled and nothing seemed to bring it back, he pointed the rocket launcher at his feet and rocket-jumped until his entire body ached. It usually brought him back to reality. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't.
Today, it didn't. Soldier sat on the ground, staring out into the desert. He was tired, and it was getting dark. He laid down, looking up at the stars beginning to come out. They were bright, and Soldier closed his eyes, wishing that he was anywhere else.
He must have fallen asleep, because he awoke to a cold touch of a glove on his forehead, and someone talking. He opened his eyes to see Engineer bent down above him, looking down at him with a serious face. He was holding a lantern in one hand, and shaking him awake with the other.
"What are ya doing out here, Soldier?" Engineer asked him, his voice low.
Soldier sat up, feeling dazed, and looking around. It was still dark. He couldn't see anything around him. "I dunno." He couldn't remember coming out here. He didn't remember leaving the base, and he didn't remember his conversation with Medic.
"We were all worried sick, we thought something had happened to you. Medic said you ran off."
Soldier said nothing, and Engineer stood up, reaching down to offer his hand to help Soldier up. He took it, and pulled himself up. He picked up his discarded rocket launcher and slung it over his shoulder. He avoided Engineer's eyes.
"What time is it?" He asked, wondering if he had slept for a long time.
"Two thirty in the morning," Engineer answered, "Come on, I'll walk ya back."
Soldier let Engineer lead him back into the base, his head still spinning. He was ashamed at how much he had forgotten, and he didn't know how to act around his teammates anymore. He felt like he wasn't himself anymore. He felt like he didn't remember how to be himself anymore. He was afraid.
He couldn't explain what he felt, so he said nothing. Engineer opened the door to the base and held it open for him, and Soldier followed inside, feeling as though he was following someone he didn't know.
The base was silent, except for the sound of Heavy's snoring echoing in the halls, and the lights were all turned off. It looked like they all had already gone to bed. Engineer walked down the hallway to the kitchen, where the light was on, and Soldier followed, standing in the doorway.
Engineer took out two mugs and set them down on the counter, turning to the cupboard to take out a box of tea. He moved slowly, and then turned on the stove and filled the kettle with water.
"I'm sorry for causing you all that trouble," Soldier said, his voice low. He felt ashamed, but he needed to say something.
"No, you ain't the cause of any trouble," Engineer replied, "You need some help, that's all."
He said nothing else, and trained his eyes on the kettle as it heated up. Soldier was silent, too. He wanted to say something more, but he didn't know what, and he was worried that if he opened his mouth again, he would just start to cry. He didn't want Engineer to see that.
After a while, the water was boiled and the tea had steeped. Engineer took the kettle off the stove and poured the tea into the mugs. He handed one to Soldier, who took it from him with both hands and sipped at it. It was hot, but not too much, and it tasted bitter, and Soldier was glad for it. He had always liked the taste of bitter things. It was sharp, like the ache in his head, but it was good.
Engineer sipped at his tea, and then turned to look at Soldier, his face serious. "We are all worried about you, Soldier."
Soldier looked down, sipping at his tea. He didn't want to talk about it. He knew that he wasn't himself. He knew that something was wrong. But he didn't know what to do about it. He didn't know how to help himself.
Engineer continued, as if he was reading Soldier's thoughts. "I know it's hard for you, and I know that you're trying to hide it from us, but you can't do that."
Soldier still said nothing, still looking down at the tea in the cup.
Engineer sighed.
Soldier was tired of hearing people sigh.
"Please, Solly," Engineer said, pushing up the goggles on his face and meeting his eyes, their color a soft golden brown, "Please, just talk to me." He reached out across the table to take Soldier's hand in his, gripping it tightly. His hands were rough, and warm.
Soldier felt tears start to well up in his eyes, and he closed them, shaking his head. He gripped back at Engineer's hand, not saying anything.
"Just let me help you, Solly," Engineer whispered, his voice soft.
Soldier opened his eyes again, and stared into Engineer's, and then he began to cry. He had been trying so hard to keep his emotions from showing, but it had been too much.
He cried and cried, his shoulders shaking. Engineer got up from his seat and went around the table, pulling Soldier up into his arms. He held him, rubbing his back as he cried, not saying anything.
It was quiet, and warm in the kitchen, and Soldier didn't feel as alone anymore.
-
Medic watched as Engineer sat with Soldier on the couch in the common room. They had been talking for a while now, and Medic had been worried that Soldier would never come around. He was so stubborn, and yet Engineer always seemed to be able to get through to him. It was hard to believe.
Ever since Engineer had found Soldier sleeping in the desert, something had changed. Though it was obvious to Medic that Soldier's memory was still deteriorating, it seemed to be going at a much slower rate than before. He concluded it must have been Engineer's doing-- spending so much time with Soldier and helping him through his newfound struggle.
Soldier looked different. He still acted as crazy as ever, and Medic wasn't sure if that would change, but he did seem more calm, and happier. He had even started to eat regularly again, and Medic thought that if this kept up, he would start to be the Soldier that they all knew again.
Sitting on the couch across from them, he watched as Soldier laughed, Engineer joining him, and smiling. Medic couldn't help but smile along with them.
Soldier was okay. Engineer was taking good care of him.
He hoped that it would last.