Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian’s Douyin account
Wei Xuezhang (uploaded 14 months ago)
The triple action solution to all of your problems. @XXXBrand #XXXBrandhairoil #successfulwhitecollarworker #tallmuscularman #fabuloushair
Wei Wuxian, dressed in a ratty shirt and grey sweatpants, walks by a full length mirror in his house. He jumps at the sight of his reflection.
“Wow, handsome, your hair is so shiny!” Left facing Wei Wuxian greets, a winning smile on his face.
“Of course,” fabulous, right facing Wei Wuxian replies, tossing his head to the side. Sparkles fill the screen as his fringe flops in slow motion. “Did you think that I reached my current unrivalled popularity through hard work and bad jokes? Of course not. It’s because I have XXX brand hair oil. XXX hair brand oil repairs my hair cuticles and restores its shine with its triple action formula.”
Right facing Wei Wuxian tosses the bottle in his hand off screen, then addresses the camera directly. “The modern Chinese youth share three concerns: 1. The balance of their Alip*y wallets 2. Hemorrhoids and 3. Balding. XXX brand hair oil addresses… none of your problems, but it ensures that the remaining strands of hair are well taken care of.”
Left facing Wei Wuxian returns, his arms crossed in disapproval. “I get that you’re paid to promote XXX brand hair oil, but can’t you do it more subtly? I’m sick of having to watch so many advertisements. Bad review!”
Right facing Wei Wuxian begins to fluster, flipping through papers hurriedly, looking back and forth at the camera and his notes as he dabs at his hairline. He suddenly lights up when he comes across a paper. Straightening in his seat, the camera zooms in to right facing Wei Wuxian as he makes a show of clearing his throat. He reads off the paper.
“On the western internet, there has been a rise of e-girls, and less commonly e-boys where e stands for electronic, or a reference to how this community is almost always online.”
A new, tiny Wei Wuxian floats into the screen. He flies around right facing Wei Wuxian like a gaudy Microsoft Powerpoint animation. "Aren’t we all always online?" Tiny Wei Wuxian says, his voice reverberating before suddenly disappearing in a beam of light.
"You don’t see them on the streets because an e-girl is a digital persona, and overall, it comes across as a mix of skate culture, hip-hop, anime, cosplay, B*D*S*M, and goth, like these,” Wei Wuxian gestures, and a flood of images take over the screen. 1.1
“As you can see, they almost never have their natural hair colours, and a more recent trend is dyed fringe. How did you think that I managed to reach my current unrivalled popularity? By mindlessly following the trends, of course.” Wei Wuxian says, slamming a container of bleaching powder on the table.
“Oh my god, it smells so bad,” Wei Wuxian says, stirring the bleach in a bowl.
“Okay, it kinda gets better if you smell it for long enough. Alright, the secret to good looks.” Wei Wuxian says as he separates his fringe.
Rivulets of water cascade from a rain shower. The camera pans up slowly, trailing a long pair of legs as water continues to fall. Eyes closed, shampoo suds slide down the back of Wei Wuxian’s neck. Lines of water gather as they slide down the column of his neck, disappearing into a violent, heavy-handed mosaic censor. A red ‘Male Virtue’ in bold covers the entire of his back.
“Hah! You didn’t succeed, did you! Look at how dry your fringe looks!” Left facing Wei Wuxian appears, pointing his finger in disapproval.
“Hmph! I’m not afraid, because I have XXX brand hair oil. It repairs my hair cuticles and restores its shine with its triple action formula!” Pouring a dollop into his hand, Wei Wuxian rubs it between his palms, then combs his hand through his fringe. The camera captures him in slow motion, his fringe flopping down when he releases his hand. His previously dull hair is now shiny. Wei Wuxian suddenly cringes, a blur of flailing limbs.
“Actually, I think that it’s still fine… It’s really not too bad. I’m glad that it wasn’t a flop. Thank god for the sponsorship...” Wei Wuxian mumbles to himself as he inspects himself in the mirror.
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23k comments
Blueberry Yogurt (52k likes):
Get off the internet, you ugly bitch
Wen Xu's Wife (49k likes):
Stop pretending and get off the internet!
The tendrils of incense smoke rose lazily in the courtyard of the temple, a stark contrast to the busy street on the other side of the wall.
Wei Wuxian laughed, typing away on his phone. Longshan Temple was famous for its Yue Lao statue, and Jiang Cheng had replied immediately when Wei Wuxian had sent the proof of the offerings he had made on his behalf. 1.2
Jiang Cheng had inserted the temple into the itinerary. Even though he had insisted that he had just wanted to visit because it was near the night market, Wei Wuxian had guessed, and was now proven right, that Jiang Cheng had wanted to pray for love luck.
The both of them were supposed to visit Taiwan together. The flight and accommodations had already been in order, and they had been counting down to the trip when Jiang Cheng's company had been hired for a high profile litigation case. Wei Wuxian understood Jiang Cheng's decision to leave him in the lurch—it was too good of an opportunity to pass up, but it didn't mean that he was fine with travelling alone.
Travelling alone made Wei Wuxian miserable. He had tried it once in the first year of university and had never repeated it. Being in the midst of a crowd, watching people bustle past with intent made him feel incredibly lonely in the knowledge that there was nobody expecting him in the foreign land. Having the whole street to himself was worse. He instead became more aware of his existence, every step feeling like he was squeezing through the ghost of every single person that had walked by.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? It wasn't that Wei Wuxian needed to be remembered, he just disliked how invisible and dispensable travelling alone made him feel. With the realisation that he needed company, Wei Wuxian would always wait for schedules to free up.
It had been easier before graduation. Everyone had been overachievers, but it had still been possible to convince his friends with well-planned proposals. However, when everyone started to climb the corporate or academic ladder and build their own families, even ten of Wei Wuxian was unable to convince anyone. Which left Wei Wuxian in his predicament: filthy rich, all accommodations sponsored by his should-have-been travel partner, alone in Taiwan.
Wei Xiaoxian: why’d you give me money suddenly?
Wei Xiaoxian: aren't you supposed to be busy? why are you checking ur phone!
Wei Xiaoxian: hello
Wei Xiaoxian: did you go off?
Wei Xiaoxian: haha I knew that you were waiting for me to visit Longshan temple
Wei Xiaoxian: anyway, you need to socialise more for yue lao to be able to help you. a girl isn't going to pop out from your case papers
Wei Xiaoxian: are you not going to reply that I'm no longer of value to you? I’m so lonely.
Wei Xiaoxian: going to have dinner alone, surrounded by a bunch of unalone people.
Wei Xiaoxian: sadandlonely.jpg
Jiang Cheng: RMB50 transferred to you
Wei Xiaoxian: Accepted RMB50
Wei Xiaoxian: thanks. you're truly my best son. hope you let me carry my grandchildren soon.
Wei Xiaoxian: loveyou.jpg
Jiang Cheng: eyeroll.jpg
Wei Wuxian knew that he couldn't seek refuge in someone thousands of miles away, but he was this close to calling it a day after a round of snacking at Ximending. His tendency to cut corners on the planned itinerary when travelling alone was showing… All these wouldn't have happened if Jiang Cheng had been able to come along.
The least he could do was to comfort Jiang Cheng with pictures while he slogged away at work. Taking a video of the temple, Wei Wuxian backed up to include the rows of red lanterns swaying in the night breeze.
"Sorry," Wei Wuxian said, eyes widening when he took in all of the person he had bumped into. The stranger was beautiful. He was so impossibly handsome that the only word that could suffice was beautiful. The stranger's fringe was artfully styled in a fancy little swoop, his dark eyes steady as he looked at Wei Wuxian, short circuiting Wei Wuxian's mind.
Wei Wuxian had seen many attractive people in his life. As a content creator, Wei Wuxian had even attended an offline Douyin event once, which had been a visual feast even with the lack of digital filters. Yet the stranger was in a league of his own. With his wide shoulders and an impossibly chiselled jawline, he an ultimate specimen of a man; it made Wei Wuxian's heart skip a beat from sheer appreciation.
"Really sorry about that," Wei Wuxian repeated, giving the stranger an awkward grin.
"No worries."
Wow, and he was so polite too! Maybe it was because he was in a good mood while on holiday, but it felt like every single Taiwanese he had met was so nice. With a spring in his steps, Wei Wuxian headed towards the entrance of Huaxi street tourist night market.
Footnotes
1.1If you go onto Chinese media, netizens always censor themselves to avoid being censored/ flagged, which is why I censored BDSM and Alipay, the latter because of shady inter company competition. For example, Pinduoduo 拼多多, by Temu’s mother company, is referred to as Pinxixi 拼夕夕 where the character for duo 多 is split into two, to be xixi 夕夕 just to be safe. return to top
1.2According to Chinese mythology, it is thought that 月下老人 Yuexia Laoren/ Yuelao, or the old man under the moon, the God of Love and Marriage, brings couples together through the red string of fate. In the original Chinese myth, the string is tied around both parties’ ankles. He is usually depicted with a book and a cloth bag for his red strings. There are temples with a Yuelao figure that you can pray to for marriage prospects. return to top