Chapter Text
(10:12 am)
{team moonflower}
lils: is there a chance i could somehow be hallucinating rn
rem: depends on whether you’ve taken any drugs or not
lils: no drugs
that i know of
but i’m currently watching sirius black move into the apartment across the hall so
maybe someone slipped me drugs
rem: pretty sure you’ve been drugged yes
why in the everloving hell would THE sirius black move in a shitty apartment building when he’s one of the richest men under 25 in the UK
or something whatever
lils: been reading gossip mags lately huh
he’s not moving alone tho
there’s a hot guy too
not that sirius black isn’t hot but yk
rem: wtf
maybe he’s hiding his gay lover in this shitty apt building so the world doesn’t find out???
lils: that literally sounds like a conspiracy theory🤨
are you on drugs?
rem: god i wish
ive still got two hours of work
bet sirius black doesn’t even work
ughhh i hate rich people
lils: would you work if you were rich tho
bcz i sure as hell would not
why wasn’t i born rich
rem: its not like id mind some extra money but i don’t think id actually wanna be rich
rich people are always so snobby
and rich men are egoistic jerkwads
lils: wow rem sounds like you’ve got experience
generalizing much tho
like im pretty sure not every single rich man on this earth is an egoistic jerkwad
rem: im pretty sure they are
i don’t wanna talk about it
gtg back to work
***
(10:58 am)
{prongsie & pads 🦌🐕}
prongs: just met the love of my life pads
pads: i thought i was the love of your life?????
you cheating on me jem
my poor fragile heart cannot take this
taking my last breath currently
prongs: honestly it’s kinda concerning how you can call me your brother one second and profess your undying love the next…
im not into incest sirius
pads:
nahh that’s more of my family’s thing honestly
ANYWAY ew prongs now i feel dirty
A, we’re not biologically related nor have we been raised in the same household since childhood
and B, im not actually in love with your pasty arse, i know too much about you to ever fall for you
prongs: oh right i forgot walby and orion are cousins
honestly i threw up in my mouth a little just now
also how dare you, anyone would be honored to fall in love with me
but same honestly
i love you pads but in no universe would i ever shag you
your kisses are prime tho
pads: you calling mother dearest walby gets me every time i can’t get over it i wish she could see it
would not shag you either jammy
also thanks i know my kisses are amazing
can’t scold me about incestuous behavior when you’re bringing up kissing me
also this conversation totally got derailed
you met the love of your life????
prongs: YES I DID
she lives across the hall from us
in apt 10
her name’s lily
she’s got the most beautiful smile
red, curly hair
green eyes
perfect
pads: oh god
i can’t handle pining jem
please make a move soon
unless she’s like taken or something
prongs: well she’s living with a bloke
but she was also flirting hardcore with me
idk i panicked and forgot all the questions
thank god she was chatty
pads: oooh what are the chances the bloke is single, not straight and possibly very hot
i feel like i need that in my life
in fact i absolutely do
prongs: well…
i might’ve invited lily to our housewarming party next weekend and told her to bring her roommate
so maybe you’ll find out
pads: i wasn’t aware we were planning on having a housewarming party
but i’m in
always down for a good party
with possibly hot blokes
prongs: i knew you’d be
also we didn’t have plans for one
i improvised
pads: good man, prongs, good man
also ive been texting in the bread aisle and some grumpy grandma just fake coughed behind me until i moved away from the buns
if looks could kill…
prongs: lol
can you get cinnamon buns btw
craving one
pads: no because i just left the store
i’ll bake you some later
prongs: even better
maybe you are the love of my life after all
***
(11:23 am)
{lazy bitches work gang📀💅🏻}
dorko: why r u moping remu
i can literally see u rolling ur eyes @ me rn
answer me hoe
remu: shut up
im not moping
im annoyed
dorko: be honest is there even a difference
but anyway
why r u annoyed then
remu: there is a difference
sirius black moved across the hall from me and lily with his possible gay lover
though the possible gay lover flirts with lily a lot apparently so maybe not a gay lover
but anyway
why would he move into a shit apartment building
when he could literally live in a mansion
it annoys me
i hate rich men
dorcas why are you laughing???????
stop laughing at me
dorko: WHEEZING
u look like a lemon
”i hate rich men” sure you do
also SIRIUS BLACK MOVED NEXT DOOR????
god when can i visit
i don’t mind rich men AT ALL
especially ones that look like sirius black
remu: ew stop
i forbid you to drool after sirius black
of all the people…
i have been betrayed
dorko: can’t help it
he’s the hottest man ive ever seen tbh
u can’t tell me u think he’s ugly
pretty sure even straight men and lesbians think sirius black is sex on legs
remu: ughhhhh
okay yes he’s attractive
but he’s also a rich man
which means he’s an egoistic jerkwad
and it doesn’t matter how hot someone is when their personality is shit
and one thing ive learned about men is
the hotter, the more idiotic
dorko: okay sometimes hot guys can be real jerks
but you can’t just assume every attractive man is a total tool or whatever
he could have an amazing personality
you don’t even know him
also we’ve got customers stop moping
***
(11:36 am)
{team moonflower}
lils: sirius black’s not so gay lover invited us to their housewarming party next saturday
and by us i mean us so you’re not getting out of it
we will be going
james (that’s the not so gay lover) is the hottest man in the world and i won’t rest until i have him
so you’re gonna put your ”i hate rich men” attitude in the bin and you’re gonna smile and be polite
or i swear to god you’ll be living in the hallway for the next month
rem: are you kidding me😭
i don’t want to go be polite to sirius black
ughhhhhhhh
the things i do for you lillian
lils: love you too remy <3
you won’t regret it
rem:
i most likely will