Of Love and (un)Forgiveness

by Nerdyenby

Summary:

Set shortly after Proxy but no one dies because I said so

The boys are soft and in love, that is all

Notes:

CWs: reference to attempted self sacrifices, non-graphic(?) injury (stab wound), blood, and swearing

“So when you said not to read into it…” Syd starts when he and Knox finally get a moment alone hours after everything went down. They’re still sitting in some sort of medbay, but they at least have the illusion of privacy. That’s all Syd can really ask for, he thinks. He and his patron had both been ready to sacrifice themself not four hours ago, some medical attention isn’t unwelcome, but a chance to talk is overdue, in Syd’s humble opinion

“I meant what I said.” Knox says nonchalantly, averting his gaze. He really is a terrible liar, it’s one of Syd’s favorite things about him, it makes him feel safe.

Syd hums, “It doesn’t seem like there’s much reading required, if you ask me.” He leans forward to catch the other’s gaze, giving him a teasing yet hesitant smirk. “I don’t think friends kiss on the mouth. Though I don’t know,” Syd throws his hands up in mock surrender, “I have no clue what you Upper City kids get up to.”

Knox scoff lightly, “I guess not, we play a bit fast and loose though.”

Syd purses his lips in consideration. “I don’t think I want fast and loose.” He says, gently leaning to press his arm against Knox’s.

The paler sighs, returning the pressure in full and tilting his head over to rest against Syd’s. “Yeah, me neither.”

When their doctor returns to check up on their injuries — the most substantial of which being Syd’s still-healing ribs and his fresh stab wound in his side — they both bolt upright out of sheer instinct. The moment the doctor’s back is turned, though, Knox gives him a wicked but affectionate grin before pressing a quick, soft kiss to his forehead.

“You’re a dork,” Syd tells him, paying no mind to the third person milling about the room.

“I’m your dork?” Knox asks, almost as though he was trying to come across smooth but decided he didn’t want to push anything at the last second.

“Technically speaking, I’m your dork,” Syd points out casually.

“Nope.” Knox says immediately, grabbing Syd’s hand and squeezing it gently. “Not anymore.”

A huff of a laugh escapes Syd at that. “I guess not, huh?”

“Alright,” The doctor starts, “The patch should have you all taken care of shortly, just be sure to drink lots of fluids to help with the blood loss.” She tells Syd, him nodding in acknowledgement. “You’re free to go whenever you’re ready.”

Not a second passes before Syd is pushing himself to his feet, Knox following shortly behind. “Thank you.” He says before heading out of the room, casting a backwards glance towards Knox but not slowing.

Knox breaks into a slight jog to catch the other. He considers reaching for Syd’s hand before thinking better of it, deciding not to push too hard. He’s already made his feelings clear, after all. “So,” Syd starts, “If we’re not proxy and patron, what are we?” Maybe not, Knox thinks, blinking.

When someone – a guardian, more than likely – had thrown a knife straight through Syd’s side and straight into what was nearly his murder chamber, Knox’s father had slammed the door shut, but the rebooters still ran the program. Turns out these idiots hadn’t actually known how much of the infected blood was required and the substantial red oozing from Syd’s side turned out to be enough without either of them dying. So yeah, the system was erased and all debts have been settled, not that Knox has thought too hard about it. It’s a good thing, he knows, but he has no idea what it means for him and he doesn’t really care at the moment.

“You’re an idiot,” Is what he says. Stopping their stroll in the middle of an otherwise vacant hallway, Knox turns to face Syd and grabs his hand gingerly. “Boyfriends?” He suggests with his usual smirk but an unfamiliar warmth in his eyes.

Syd laughs, tightening his own hold on Knox’s hand. “Sure,” He agrees easily before adding, “As long as you’re not just in it to upset your dad.”

Knox shrugs. “It’s a bonus,” He jokes, earning a shove from his new boyfriend.

“Dumbass,” Syd says, shaking his head affectionately.

“Hey lovebirds!” Marie calls from the end of the hall, neither of them having noticed her appearance, “Everything healed and forgiven?”

Knox looks to Syd, who hasn’t even moved to open his mouth, before he finds himself saying. “No. That’s okay though. We’ll live with it.”

Notes:

I read the entirety of the book yesterday and am so abnormal about them. As you can probably tell, I just want them both to survive, I literally do not care how.

It's so important to me that they care about each other but that doesn't equate forgiveness. Syd doesn't blame Knox, but he's still the cause of so much of his hurt and that can't be undone. They both know that, and they love each other anyway.