Chapter Text
It was Tony's idea to have a party in the penthouse. He prepared for it, made plans, put together a playlist, got food and drinks for everyone and even made sure to ask Thor to bring some extra Asgardian mead for Steve. Steve's going easy on it, despite agreeing that they all deserve to relax and maybe, yes, get a little bit drunk.
Playing Never Have I Ever was Nat's idea. Sharing stories about their first times was Clint's. By that time, they're all sitting on the floor around the coffee table instead of on the couch, and Tony has already drunk a lot. Not that Steve's been watching him this whole time. Of course not.
"Pepper!" Nat says after she's done telling her story about how her first time was with another Black Widow. "Your turn!"
"Oh." Pepper giggles. "There isn't much to tell. He was my high-school boyfriend. We were seventeen. He took me out on a date, and well…" She gestures with her hand, trying to keep a straight face as her cheeks turn red, and takes another sip of her cocktail before continuing. "Anyway, it was really nice."
"What?" Tony says dramatically, turning to look at her. "You're telling me you weren't a virgin the first time we had sex?"
Pepper shakes her head as everybody laughs, and Tony looks around the table, his eyes meeting Steve's for a split second before his gaze falls on Rhodey.
"What are you laughing about, honeybear?" he asks. "I know your first time was with me, and it was magical."
Steve ignores the pang of jealousy he feels — he knows it's just a joke. That's just how Tony is with Rhodey, and it's not like Steve has the right to feel jealous anyway.
But as if to soothe Steve's insecurities, Rhodey rolls his eyes. "Yeah, you wish."
Laughter erupts around the table again, louder than before.
"Alright, next!" Tony says, downing the rest of his drink. "Bruce, you're up!"
"Ahh…" Bruce says, his face a little flushed too. "It was good. It was with a girl I was seeing in college."
"College!" Tony says. "Nice! Me too."
"Yeah, she was…" Bruce blushes again, laughing. "She was nice, we had a good time. Okay, you now, Tony, I'm sure your story is more interesting."
"Oh, well. MIT," Tony says. "I was 15. She was a 19-year-old wannabe supermodel. It was amazing. I gave her the time of her life."
The team laughs again, but Steve is only looking at Tony, and he's the only one who sees how Tony's smile falters when his eyes meet Rhodey's again. Tony lifts his glass to his mouth again, only to realize that it's empty, and puts it back down, clearing his throat.
"How about you, Cap?" Tony asks, forcing everyone's attention on Steve now, and oh, god, please no. "Had a lot of fun back in the 40's?"
This whole time Steve was hoping that if he stayed quiet and made no comment, they'd forget about him and just move on to the next party game, or decide they were all tired and it was time to go to bed.
This whole time, Steve tried not to feel out of place, inferior because he lacks an experience that everybody else on the team has, and if he has to be honest with himself, it is something he's always been self-conscious about, even if he never focused much of his time and energy on feeling bad about it.
"Ah…" Steve says, feeling his face getting warm. He looks around the table, simultaneously avoiding everybody's eyes and looking for an excuse to change the subject. "It was… it was good. You know, our glasses look a bit empty, I should go get us more drinks."
"Oh, no no no, no changing the subject!" Nat says, laughing.
"He's a gentleman," Pepper says. "He doesn't kiss and tell!"
"Come on, Cap, tell us," Clint says, and Steve just wants the floor to swallow him whole. "Bet you anything it was a USO girl!"
"Yeah!" Steve says, relieved at the suggestion. "USO girl, you guessed it. Yeah, she was great."
"Is that it?" Thor asks as he finishes his drink too. "Are you not giving us any details?"
"I really think I should get us more drinks," Steve says as he stands up and disappears into the kitchen.
Or, more accurately, flees the room.
He's just stepped into the kitchen when he hears Tony's steps right behind him.
"Drinks are at the bar, not in here," Tony says. "But you knew that, so… I take it you're not drunk enough for that particular party game?"
"Not at all," Steve confesses, stepping away from Tony until the kitchen island is between them.
"I apologize," Tony says. "For, you know. All of us. We didn't mean to be indiscreet. You don't have to talk about it unless you want to. But, you know, if you want to… I'm here. I'll listen."
"I lied," Steve says, feeling miserable. Now Tony's going to think he's pathetic.
Tony stares at him, brows knitting together. "What?"
Steve takes a deep breath. He wants, more than anything, to feel like he can be honest about this with someone. Funnily enough, the person he feels safe with the most to talk about it is Tony, who probably has more sexual experience than the whole team combined. The worst part isn't even that Steve's a virgin — that could be solved somewhat easily, if he wanted to. His biggest problem is that the only person he wants to have sex with is…
Standing right in front of him, on the other side of the kitchen island, asking him what's wrong.
"It was a lie," Steve says, avoiding Tony's eyes. "I didn't sleep with a USO girl."
"Oh." Tony nods, and where Steve feared he would see disapproval, or even pity, he sees only genuine understanding. "That's, um. That's alright, Cap. You wanna talk about it?"
Steve sighs, shaking his head. "There's nothing to talk about."
Tony steps closer to the kitchen island separating them, taps his fingers against the marble top like he's thinking of what to say next. "I know that for some of us, this can be a touchy subject." He exhales, looks down at his own hand. "If it makes you feel better, I lied too."
Of all the things Steve could've expected Tony to say, that wasn't one of them. He stares at Tony in unmasked surprise for a moment before he realizes he's probably being rude.
Tony shrugs. "I always lie. Too many people have asked me that question, and I…" Tony sighs, and Steve wants to tell him it's okay, they don't have to talk about it, because Tony is obviously sad and Steve doesn't want to see him sad. He opens his mouth to say it, but Tony speaks again before he has the chance to.
"The truth is, my first time was with my first boyfriend at MIT."
Steve tries with all his might not to just focus on the word boyfriend and ignore everything else Tony's saying.
"He was older," Tony continues, resting his elbows on the kitchen island now and leaning against it like this is a casual conversation. "Kind of a jerk really. He, uh. Alright, he was a shit boyfriend. Rhodey… Rhodey punched him in the face once. That's how we broke up. It, ah… it wasn't great, to be honest. The sex, I mean. Kinda miserable, really. So yeah, uh, whatever your story is, you know, you can… I mean, if—"
"Boyfriend?" Steve finally asks when he can't hold it in any longer. "Your first time was with a guy? Are you—"
"Bisexual," Tony says, making a face like he's worried what Steve will think of him. "Yeah, I know it wasn't a very popular thing back in your day, so—"
"No, no, it's… I, um…" Steve stammers, struggling to get the words out. Words he's never said before. "I am, too. Like you, I'm…"
Tony raises his eyebrows. "You're bi?"
"Yeah."
"Oh," Tony says, like he really wasn't expecting that. "Does… anybody else know?"
"Just you." Steve grimaces, and maybe coming out to Tony out of nowhere wasn't the best idea. But now it's too late to take it back. "I've never told anyone, not even Bucky."
"Oh, um…" Tony seems to think for a moment, and Steve waits with a pounding heart. "Okay," Tony finally says, giving Steve an encouraging smile. "So was your first time with a guy? Is that what you're saying?"
"No, actually I haven't…" Steve looks away, unable to hold Tony's gaze now. "I've never…"
"Never… slept with a man?" Tony asks, taking a guess. Steve grimaces again, starting to regret having this conversation in the first place.
"Never…" Tony says, "wait, when you said there's nothing to tell… Did you mean you've never… You're not trying to tell me that you're a virgin, are you?"
Of course Tony would figure it out, genius that he is. Steve sighs, feeling even more miserable. "Yes."
Tony straightens up, looking at Steve in total perplexity. "You?"
"Yeah."
"Why?" Tony stares at him like he's a puzzle Tony's trying to make sense of. "I mean, it can't be because nobody wants you, because look at you, so my only theory is that you're just not interested in anyone, which, I mean, some people aren't, and that's fine, but—"
"Nobody wanted me before the serum," Steve says, interrupting Tony's rambling, wanting to explain. But Tony's words, and the way Tony seems to think everybody wants him… it fills Steve's chest with warmth. With hope. "No one. Girls laughed at me, they wouldn't even dance with me, and guys… well, even if they were interested, which I doubt, they had to keep it secret, right? And after the serum I just… some people were interested, but I…" Steve stops, not sure how to put it into words.
Tony's quick to reassure him. "If you don't want to, that's f—"
"I want to," Steve says in a hurry, and then flinches as he realizes what he's just said. Is he really having this conversation with Tony of all people? He's lost count of how many lines he's already crossed tonight. "I mean… oh god, Tony, I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's okay," Tony says. "We're friends, aren't we? You can trust me."
"I do," Steve says, because it's the truth. "I trust you, Tony."
Tony exhales. Nods. "So… you want to," he says, and Steve can see when he enters problem-solving mode. Tony moves away from the kitchen island, pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts pacing the room while scrolling through his contacts. "Alright, maybe I can help, I know people, I know lots of people who would definitely love to sleep with Captain America, do you prefer any particular gender? Are you into brunettes, maybe? I'm sure you are, I mean, you liked Peggy, right?"
"No no no, Tony, I…" Steve looks away when Tony's gaze falls on him again, running a hand through his hair nervously. "Not… not like that. It has to be someone who… I mean it can't just be anyone. It has to be someone I know. Someone I… someone I trust."
Steve waits, holding his breath, wondering if Tony will take the hint.
"Oh," Tony says. "Well, uh. I mean, I know you don't know many people in this century. Uh, someone… from the team maybe, or from… SHIELD? I, uh— is there anyone you find attractive?"
Steve exhales slowly. Okay, maybe Tony's not interested in him at all. Or maybe he's just waiting for Steve to say it. And Steve wants to say it, but is he brave enough to do so when his blood isn't drowning in Asgardian mead? He takes a deep breath and pushes through the embarrassment he feels. "Yeah."
"Okay, who is it?" Tony asks. "Are they single? Maybe we can ask—"
"You, Tony," Steve forces himself to say, determined to at least take a chance. "Would you—"
"Hold on," Tony says, raising a hand to make Steve stop talking. "You want me?"
Steve blushes again, and the courage he just mustered a second ago falters a bit. "Yeah? I mean, there's no one I trust more than you, and I… um…" Steve looks down, suddenly regretting all of his decisions. This is stupid. Of course Tony doesn't want to sleep with him. "Uh, never mind."
"No, wait, I'll do it, I want to," Tony says in a hurry like he's scared Steve will change his mind. "I want to," he repeats, putting his phone back in his pocket. "As long as you're sure—"
''I'm sure," Steve interrupts, breathing hard. "Should we, um... I mean… tonight? Don't you think we should go back to the party?"
Part of him wants Tony to say tonight, right now. He wants to circle that kitchen island and pull Tony closer by the hips, kiss him and undress him, maybe fall to his knees and—
"Tomorrow," Tony says. "If you still want to, that is."
Steve nods, knowing that's for the best. He knows that Tony wants to make sure they're both sober, and he wants Tony to be sure — he doesn't want Tony to regret it. And God, Steve can barely believe Tony is agreeing to this, whether Tony's judgment is impaired by alcohol or not.
But Steve circles the kitchen island in a heartbeat, looming over Tony just a little, staring into deep brown eyes.
"Tony," he says, his hands itching to touch him, pull him close, but he's afraid that if he does, he won't be able to stop. "I'll still want to. I've wanted to… for months now."
Tony gasps audibly, his eyes fixed on Steve. Then he lifts his head, lets his lips brush against Steve's, a feather-light touch, and Steve breathes in his air, memorizing this moment in case Tony ends up changing his mind and this is as close as he'll ever get.
Then Tony pulls away.
"Tomorrow night," Tony says. "I'll pick you up on your floor." He winks at Steve, then turns on his heels and walks out of the kitchen, leaving Steve behind.