Chapter Text
The water's waves splashed back and forth, pushing the surf board from side to side, to which Conrad didn't care. He was to busy looking at the sky to be bothered by the waves.
The sky was a nice blue and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. A perfect day some people would say, however it's been far than perfect for Conrad. In fact, it's been so bad that it's given him a massive headache. The day had started of bad from the very moment he woke up. I mean, that's seems to be his luck, nothing seems to go well for him lately. He remembers everything that happened earlier, which makes his head hurt even more than before.
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He let out a low grumble as he felt the sun shinning on his face. He forcefully opened his eyes, slowly sitting up from his bed. He glanced at his window.
The sky looked nice, not a cloud in sight, which would be nice to go surfing in. Until it hit him what the day was about to bring.
"Fuck," He mumbled out, letting out a deep sigh right after.
"Great, just fucking great," He said after a moment, still looking out his window, only looking away when he heard muffled yelling. His first thought was that it was his dad, ready to put him down as soon as he got up.
He quickly realized that it wasn't his dad yelling, because the yelling doesn't sound full of hatred and disappointment, like when his father yells at him. No it sounds mor-
He didn't get to finish thinking before his mom was opening the door.
She had a hand on her hip and already had a bright smile on her face like always.
"Morning sleepy head," She said softly, chuckling while Conrad rubbed his eyes.
"Morning," He grumbled out, trying to smile at her in which he failed at. His mom didn't care though as she continued smiling and walked over and tugged his blanket away from him.
"Mom? What are y-," She cut him off before he got to continue.
"Time to get up, Mr.Grumpy pants," He rolled his eyes a bit, missing the small frown Susannah gave at the action. She shook her head a bit and then patted him on the leg.
"Come on, up you get," Grabbing his arm and pulling him
"Mom I can get up myself you know," He said, despite that he didn't pull away and just let her drag him up.
"Oh really? Sorry sweetie but it seems you were struggling a bit there," She said a smirk on her lips.
"Haha" He rolled his eyes at her again. "Very funny mom," Turning towards his dresser to find something to wear.
"You and your attitude" she joked turning towards the door. Conrad didn't find the joke very funny. He wasn't trying to be rude or disrespectful, it just slipped out most of the time.
His mom turned around once she got to the door. "Jer and your dad are already up," A small smile on her lips. "I would suggest hurrying so you could have something to eat before they eat it all." She chuckled slightly, knowing that it's something they have and will do again.
"Okay," Is all he get's out, not even a smile or a laugh.
He sees how is mom is slightly disappointed in the lack of reaction, but she doesn't say anything and turns to walk out the door.
He knows that Mom and Jer have noticed his change in mood and basically everything. Hell, it's quite obvious because he doesn't even try to cover it up, he can't cover it up. The only reason his dad hasn't noticed his because he doesn't give one fuck about Conrad. But Conrad doesn't care about him, just like his dad doesn't care about him.
Brushing himself out of his thoughts, he grabs a random shirt and pants, slips them on and heads out the door.
He can already hear small talking coming from the kitchen, and recognizes Jer's voice as the one doing all the talking. As he gets to the bottom of the stairs he can see both Jer and his father.
"Great," he whispers quietly. The day was off to a bad start already. Ignoring every voice in his head telling to turn away, he keeps walking forward.
"Conrad, hey buddie," His dad said cheerfully. He knew it was an act, to make it seem like he was actually happy to see him. But Conrad knew the truth. He knew what he really thought about him, about Jeremiah, Mom.
Jeremiah perks up at his name and gives him a quick glance, before looking down and continuing to eat.
"Morning," Jer mumbles out so quietly Conrad almost missed it. That's another thing different. Him and Jeremiah. They barely talk anymore, hang out, they're almost never in the same room together for long. He doesn't exactly know when it started, but he knows he hates it. He wants to say something to him, anything. But the words die in the back of his throat. So he just replies with a quiet morning back before sitting down next to them.
It quiet for a few minutes before Jeremiah breaks the silence.
"So dad, when do we plan on leaving?" He all but freezes at that. Shit, shit, shit, shit, he thought scolding himself in his head. He'd forgotten about the fishing trip. Then his mind wanders to how happy Jer sounded. If only it were that simple.
"I think soon, maybe twenty minutes," He answers and without even looking, he knows his dad's gaze is on him. He hates it. "What do you think Con? Does that work?" When he finishes he can feel Jeremiah's gaze on him too now.
"Uh-I-..." He found himself lots for words. He had to get out of this, he couldn't deal with the hits today, at least, not now.
"A-actually I think I'm gonna sit this one out," He winces at how his voice cracked.
There's silence for a couple seconds and when he looks up he sees an angry and disappointed Jeremiah, and his dad with a blank face.
"Oh," Is the only thing his dad says, as if he didn't know exactly why he didn't want to come, because he did. He clearly did.
Jer doesn't say anything, and goes straight back to look at his food. Conrad couldn't blame him.
Just then Mom wakes in, a huge smile on her face, which quickly drops when she sees everyone else.
"What's wrong?" Mom asks, normally she would be concerned but it's happened so much that she's used to it. "Come on, tell me," She says after not getting a response.
"Conrad doesn't want to go fishing today," Conrad's surprised that it's Jeremiah who spoke up instead of his dad. Then he winces when he realizes that Jeremiah said his full name instead of those nicknames like "Connie" or "Con". They barely talk anyways so it shouldn't hurt. But it did.
"What? Why don't you want to go, Conrad?" He w inces again at the concern in her voice.
He quickly thought of a lie. "Haven't really felt good today," He answers, which technically isn't a lie, because he hasn't felt the best today after all. Especially with this headache of his.
"Oh sweetie, that's alright, you don't need to go," She says smiling softly at him, and relief floods through him as soon as he hears her.
"Thanks...Mom," He mumbles out, feeling Jer's and his dad's gaze on him again.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me Jer!" He sounded excited, but Conrad saw right through him.
Jeremiah didn't. "Yeah it's going to be so wicked!" He replies, his voice way happier than before. Not sparing Conrad a glance, he gets up and moves to put his empty plate in the dishwasher.
"Why don't we just go now, dad?" Jeremiah puts his plate away and turns to look at him. "I mean, why wait when were both ready to go?" This time, he looks at Conrad. Conrad swear he's sees something almost like hurt in his eyes, but as soon as he saw it, it was gone and Jer was back to a blank face. He knows he probably didn't actually see it, he just hopes he did.
"You make a good point," That snapped him out of his thoughts, as he had completely forgotten about they were talking about. He looks over at his dad, who doesn't seem to care or just notice at all.
"Let's head out then," He continues, pushing his chair back and standing up. A grin appears on Jeremiah's and he quickly starts to make his way towards the front door. Dad follows, with mom in tow, leaving his plate for mom to clean as usual.
He rolls his eyes and huffs out a groan. He stands up and moves to follow them, not before putting his plate in the dishwasher, unlike his dad. Once he gets to the front door Jer and dad are already out the door. Not bothering to say goodbye to him, but he doesn't really care.
His mom shuts the door softly and turns to look at him. She has a small smile on her face like always, and it hurts to know that he might not ever be able to see it again soon.
She walks past him towards the kitchen - no doubt to clean his dad's plate - expecting Conrad to follow, which he does. Neither of them say anything as she grabs the plate and places it gently in the dishwasher. Once she turns it on, she spins around to face him, the smile still there.
"Well Connie, I'm going to head out and do some shopping and meet up with some friends," She starts, placing her hands on the counter to lean on. "Take it easy okay? I probably won't be back until both Jeremiah and your father get back," As she continues, she looks out through the window.
"Lovely day outside, isn't it?" She turns to look at him instead.
"Yeah," Is all he gets out, but she doesn't seem to care.
"If you feel better later, maybe try to go outside for a bit," Smiling she walks over and ruffles his hair. Normally he would move away but this time he just stayed still and let her. "Of course don't stay out too long, okay?" She brings her hand away from his head.
"I won't mom," He replied, trying to smile, but once again failing.
She gives him one last smile and then heads for the front door. Once he hears the door close he immediately stands up and walks towards the window, looking at the sky. It still look nice out. He glanced down to the beach. The water looked nice, and there were a good amount of waves, perfect for surfing.
He lets out a sigh before turning and heading towards the stairs.
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That's how he found himself out here, staring up at the sky, on a surf board, out in the water. It had been a couple of hours, no doubt that Mom, Jer and Dad - sadly - will be home soon, but he doesn't seem to bring himself to care. He would rather stay out here all day then have to face his dad's raft. Which he will of course, because he always will. Most people would be concerned that their abusive father was alone with their younger brother, but not him. He knew his dad never hurt Jeremiah, part of him knew why and the other didn't. He knew it was mostly because he took the blame for him most of the time, and that was fine. He would always take the blame.
The water started to toss him and his surf board harder, as the waves started to pick up. He props himself up onto his elbows and glances towards the beach. He isn't too far away, but far enough to have to paddle for a bit to get back.
He looks back up at the sky, for some reason it brings him some sort of comfort.
Summer just begun he thought blankly, which cause another thought to stir.
His mind immediately goes to Belly and Steven.
"Shit," He curses out. He had forgotten that they'd be here in less then a week.
He thought of Belly and how he felt about her. He knew she had a small crush on him, it's quite obvious, but also knows she has feeling for Jeremiah. As for him, he thinks he likes her, part of him says he does, but.....
He let out a deep sigh.
The other part of him knows deep down, he doesn't actually know. That he's just saying he does to make it easier. His thoughts wander from Belly to Steven, which makes his stomach flutter - like it always does when he thinks of him - and his face heats up. God why does he make him feel like this? Why can't he figure out why stupid Steven makes him feeling like a fucking idiot that blushes at the mere thought of him.
God he was going to survive this summer. With all this drama with Belly and Steven, as well as-....
He shouldn't have thought about it, he knows that because as soon as he did his mind starts racing, everything, he's suddenly thinking about everything.
Steven
Belly
Jeremiah
Dad
Mom
God Mom and this stupid cancer that's back again
Suddenly he can't breath. His lungs close in leaving him gasping for air. He tries desperately to calm down but he can't-he can't-he fucking can't.
He let out a chocked sob as he continues to try and desperately breath, calm down, anything. He grips onto the board, which wobbles and turns - which normally would concern him but he doesn't give a fuck right now - trying to ground himself, which doesn't help. He can't see anything, because his vision is blurry, he can't hear anything as his ears are death to any sound - even his own gasps of breath -, he's still gasping for air and choking on sobs. No matter what he can't seem to calm down. His heads spinning and he knows that he crying right now, but he doesn't care.
He shuts his eyes closed and tries to focus on breathing, slowly breathing in and out. As he does his mind can't help but think of Jeremiah, and what he would think if he saw this. Fuck this is not something he wants him to see.
He doesn't know how much time passes, minutes, hours? He doesn't know. He's still gasping slightly and he's still sobbing a bit, but it's better than earlier to say the least.
His mind wanders back to Jeremiah, but this time it's a memory. It was a couple years ago - two maybe - and they were surfing exactly where he is now. He remembers Splashing Jer with water, to which he did the same laughing his head off. They Spent hours chasing each other and trying to splash the other with water, all while laughing their heads off. When they finally got out the water and headed back for the house, they were meet with a slightly upset Susannah. She was a bit mad that they had stayed out so long, but that quickly faded as she chuckled at them, clearly happy that they were having so much fun together.
As his mind went back to the presence, he realized that he had mostly calmed down. He was gasping for air anymore, just letting out little huffs. His vision was back and he could start to hear the waves crashing against each other. He stole a quick glance a the sky and-
Fuck he screams mentally.
It was already dark out, how it happened so fast he didn't know. The hours had gone by like minutes.
Letting out a curse, he slowly started to make his way back to the sand. He didn't think about the fact that a memory of him and Jeremiah had brought him out of his-...little panic attack. He didn't think about Steven or Belly at all either, not risking it. What he did think about, was how pissed his mother was going to be when he got back. And boy was he in for a treat.