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I'm pretty sure I'm worthless

Summary:

During a fight, Karai manages to take Raphael prisoner.
Shredder wants to interrogate him, the Turtles want to rescue him, and Raph? Raph has a lot of time alone with his thoughts, remembering his life and what led him into another one of those shitty situations.

Notes:

TLDR; I'm making Raphael suffer because I love him so much.
If you like some good Raph-in-pain, you've come to the right place!

Chapter Text

Her steps were loud as they echoed through the hall. Her face was set into a frown and her fists were clenched tightly at her side. She was disappointed in herself, so she knew that her father would be even more disappointed in her.

And no one wanted to disappoint Shredder.

No one wanted to be the one to bring him bad news either, but yet here Karai was.

Another shipment of weapons that had been destroyed by those goddamned turtles. For some reason, they always seemed to know what the Foot Clan was going to do next. Whether it was that April friend of theirs managing to spy on them, Donatello hacking into their systems or just dumb luck, they were always there to ruin their plans.

But that wasn't even what bothered Karai the most. What frustrated her the most was that they still weren't any closer to finding the murderer of her mother. The master of the ninja turtles. Hamato Yoshi.

Ever since the day that she had saved her father from being murdered in cold blood just the way that Splinter had killed her mother all those years ago, Karai wanted nothing more than to get him. The coward had ran away from her instead of fighting her! And then Leo had dared to tell her lies about that rat being her father. She wanted to get revenge for her mother, to make her father proud and to finally see Hamato Yoshi die.

But for that the rat had to come out of hiding first. He always just kept sending out his sons to fight them instead. Really, it was a shame that they were dragged into all of this. Leonardo and his brothers were very entertaining, and if they hadn't been adopted by Splinter maybe they could have been on the same side. But if they would stand between her and her revenge, then she wouldn't hold back for their sake.

As she reached the middle of the hall, Karai knelt before the throne of her father. "They blew it up" She said. She looked down, so she couldn't see how Shredder narrowed his eyes, but she felt it. "By 'they' I assume you mean those wretched turtles" He said.

Karai nodded. "Yes. Donatello built a bomb." She looked up at him, watching how he furrowed his brows. He clenched his fists, extending his blades. She didn't even notice that she winced. "But," She said, "Even though our weapons are lost, we managed to bring something far more valuable back home." She said, standing up.

Bringing the Shredder bad news was awful, but bringing him good news always made up for that. That's why Karai waited with that part until after she told him about the destroyed weapons. Multiple Foot soldiers came in, dragging behind someone who was completely tied up and struggling violently. The person was obviously hurt, but the Foot soldiers looked worse.

As soon as they were in Shredder's sight, they let go of the prisoner as if touching them burned. They immediately jumped back while the prisoner kept thrashing and trying to attack them. Even totally tied up and hurt badly, they were still the one who was scaring their captors instead of the other way around. Karai chuckled at the sight. Really, that one was almost as entertaining as Leo. She turned to look at her father again, smiling when she saw that he looked pleased.

"Well..." He said, standing up from his throne to go down the steps, a smirk on his lips.

The prisoner looked up at him through hateful emerald eyes, growling.

"If it isn't Hamato Raphael."

~~~

Everything was silent when they made it back into the lair. Mikey was limping because of his injuries and Donnie held his hurt arm, all of them pretty beat up after that battle. Leo sat down on the couch, his head in his hands.

How could he have let this happen? He was their leader, he was supposed to protect them! No... He was first and foremost their brother. He was Raph's big brother.

They had taken away his little brother.

They all looked up when they heard Splinter come out of the dojo, his eyes immediately filled with worry when he saw his sons and the state they were in. "What happened? Where is Raphael?" Splinter asked.

Leonardo sighed. "Karai took him. Everything happened so fast and then he- then Raph was gone" He said.

Splinter frowned and turned to look away. His grip around his staff tightened.

"Splinter I'm- I'm sorry. I messed up... If I would have taken better care they would have never-" Leo started, but stopped when Splinter put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at his father. "Leonardo" He said, "There is no point in punishing yourself. Doing so will not save your brother. You need to pull yourself together." He said, turning to look at Donatello and Michelangelo too. "All of you. Raphael needs you." He said.

He nodded. "You're right sensei. I need to make this right again." He stood up, looking determined. "We have to get Raph back"

~~~

Raph was leaning back against the cold wall of his cell, his arms crossed. His face was set into a frown as he went through all ideas he had to get out of here. It sadly weren't many, with his limited tools. They had taken his sais and all of his shuriken and kunai, so he didn't have anything he could use to pick the lock of his celldoor.

He heard steps approaching him and tensed. Raphael refused to look up at his visitor, but he knew who it was anyway. The Shredder looked at him through the bars of his cell, waiting for a reaction. Well, Raph wouldn't give him that satisfaction. He just kept staring at the opposite wall.

"Raphael" The Shredder addressed him. "I believe we have much to talk about."

"Yeah? Well I've got nothing to say to you." Raph replied.

Shredder frowned and held his arm out, extracting the blade so it was pointing right at his head. "Is that so?" He asked. Raph looked up at him with an unimpressed expression, moving a little further into the cell so he was sitting out of reach of the blade. "Yes."

"I'm sure you'll change your mind when you see the alternative. You can make this easy for yourself and tell me where Splinter is. I promise I will grant you a swift death then." He said. Raphael huffed. "I don't know if you realize it, but that's not a good offer"

Shredder's eyes narrowed. "Believe me, when I'm done with you, you will wish that I would have just killed you instead." He threatened.

"Is that supposed to scare me?!" Raphael asked, jumping up to glare at Shredder, his emerald eyes filled with fire and his fists at his sides as if he was ready to attack despite the bars between them. "I will never tell you where Sensei is! No matter what you do to me! Once my brothers get me out of here - and they will get me out of here - you will be the one wishing to be dead!" Raph said. Shredder chuckled, obviously amused as he retracted his blade.

He stared down at Raphael, meeting his furious eyes. "We'll see about that." He said.

"It's always fun breaking people like you"

~~~

Screams were heard through the entire building. Raphael was chained to the wall by his wrists, his hands so high above his head that his feet weren't touching the ground anymore. This position was making his arms hurt so much that it felt like it would dislocate his shoulders. But the real pain was coming from the electro shocks the Foot Bots were torturing him with.

Xever was chuckling as he watched how they poked him with the electric staffs. "This is hilarious" He said. "I knew you'd be a screamer, little turtle"

Raphael was panting when they stopped poking him for a moment to let him breathe. "Fuck you... Fish Face..." He said in between breaths.

"Still talking back, eh? We'll change that." Xever declared, so the Foot Bots shocked him again. Raph consciously tried to hold back his screams now, to not give him that satisfaction, but the shocks made him lose all control over his body.

He was twitching violently, feeling like his eyeballs would pop any moment. Then he blacked out. When Raphael opened his eyes again, he still felt the pain coursing through his body.

Raph was panting as he stood up again, clenching his fists in anger. "Donnie!" He shouted. Donatello widened his eyes and rushed over to the invention Raphael had tripped over. The cable was frayed because Raphael had ripped it out by tripping over it. "Raph! You destroyed it!" He exclaimed, kneeling down to turn his invention over to see the damage.

Raph's eye twitched a little, involuntarily. "I destroyed it? Your stupid tech stuff electrocuted me!" He complained. Donnie rolled his eyes. "If it would have electrocuted you, you would be dead now. So clearly it didn't." He said. Raph wasn't sure if he heard that right. Really, because both his vision and his hearing were giving him issues right now.

"Are you really gonna discuss about this with me? Your invention gave me a shock!" Raph said. Donnie was already working on repairing it. Raph had no idea what it was that he had built this time, but it hurt like hell. His body was still twitching with electricity against his will and his head was aching terribly.

"What is going on here?"

Splinter came in, frowning.

"I'll tell you what's going on! One of Donnie's invention gave me a shock!" Raphael exclaimed. Breathing and shouting at the same time had never been this hard before.

"You nearly destroyed it!" Donatello replied, standing up to look at his brother properly, just as angry as he was. "It's not my fault if you can't watch where you're going!" He said.

"But it's your fault if you just leave this lying around on the floor!"

"What were you even doing in my lab?"

"I wanted to ask you if you have time to play with me!" Raphael replied, regretting it immediately. He clenched his fists at his sides, avoiding eye-contact because he was feeling so embarrassed. Donnie frowned. "No, Raphael, I don't have time to play with you, because you moron tripped over the cable of my receiver!" The eleven-year-old said. "I was gonna surprise you all with this! We can receive all channels on our TV with this and don't have to keep watching all of our old VHS tapes! Or at least, we could do that, if someone hadn't destroyed my only cable!" He shouted. "Now I have to get back into the sewers to find a new one! And I probably won't even find one! So thanks! Thanks for wanting to play with me, Raph. Really awesome!" He said.

Raph's fists were shaking now and he had to hold back tears. His heartbeat was going crazy. "Electro shock, Donnie! You hurt me! Isn't that more important than our stupid TV is? What if Mikey would have tripped over this instead?" He asked.

Donnie frowned. "Not even Mikey would be this stupid" He said.

"Donatello!" Splinter exclaimed, putting his staff down and making both boys wince. "Your brother was hurt. Show some compassion." He said.

"But sensei, he-" Donnie said.

"No but! Apologize to your brother!" He said.

Donnie frowned and crossed his arms, looking away. "...I'm sorry, Raph" He said. Splinter nodded. "Good." He said, looking at his other son. "And Raphael, is there anything you have to say to your brother as well?"

Raph widened his eyes. "You want me to apologize to him for getting hurt?!" He asked.

"I want you to apologize for damaging his invention. It was an accident Raphael, it can happen. Just say that you're sorry and that you will take better care when you come in here in the future." He said.

"But father!"

"No buts!" Splinter said, putting his staff down again. Raphael growled. "I'm sorry I came in here! Shouldn't have thought that playing with you is a good idea, anyway!" He said, turning around to stomp out of the lab.

"Raphael!" Splinter called, but Raph kept walking. He could hear his father sigh behind him. "Raphael!"

He opened his eyes when Xever's robotic leg kicked him right in the stomach to wake him up. "Raphael! No turning unconscious for you" He said. He gave the Foot Bots a sign to shock him again. He smiled sadistically. "I want you to be awake to feel the pain"

Raphael screamed as the shocks burned his skin.

"Feel ready to talk now?" Fish Face asked.

The turtle felt like throwing up. His body was shaking violently and his muscles were spasming. Even if he would have been able to speak right now, he would have kept his mouth shut. "I see." Xever said, frowning. "Fry him"

~~~

Karai was watching in discomfort how her father was trying to get information out of Raphael. After Xever had failed to make him talk with the electro shocks, Shredder had decided to do it himself. So now he was here, standing in front of the turtle who was still chained to the wall by his wrists, extending his blades.

He ran them down Raphael's arms painfully slowly, the blades cutting through green skin and drawing blood. Karai frowned as she watched how Raph squirmed, trying his hardest not to make a sound. He kept mumbling angry curses, but his pain was obvious on his face.

"Would you look at that" Shredder said, "I wouldn't have thought that a reptile would bleed red. Isn't that fascinating, Karai?" He asked.

She frowned and looked away. "Very" She said.

The Kunoichi had thought that she would be fine with everything her father would do to get their revenge after she met the man who had killed her mother. She thought that she would stop at nothing, that she wouldn't hesitate to remove everyone who stood in her way.

But watching how her father tortured Raph just felt wrong. There was no honor in this.

Shredder, obviously, didn't care about that. He rammed his blade into Raphael's thigh, making him scream. He pulled the blade out again, pushing his thumb into the wound. The wet sounds he created when he touched Raphael's very flesh, mixed with the turtle's pained grunts, made Karai's stomach turn and brought her hand up to her mouth. "Where is the rat hiding?" Shredder asked. Raphael screamed louder, but it seemed a lot more angry than pained now. Shredder frowned. "Answer me!" He demanded, pulling his thumb out of the wound again.

He waited for a moment to let Raphael catch his breath, his whole body shaking in pain. Raphael looked up to look Oroku Saki dead in the eye, his emerald eyes glistening with pure hatred. "Florida" He said.

Saki's face contorted in anger and he raised his blade to scratch it over Raph's cheek, matching the red of his mask with his blood. "Don't lie to me!" He shouted. Raphael had the audacity to smirk. "I'm not lying! Go on, go to Florida, Shredder! You'll like it there! The people there are almost as crazy as you are!"

Karai could hear her father growl for a moment. "You are brave, young turtle. But also very stupid." He said. He gave a Foot Soldier a sign and the ninja brought him a burning torch. Shredder held his blades right into the flames, watching with amusement how there was a glint of fear in green eyes. "But I might have a cure for both."

There was no mirror in the room, but Karai didn't need one to know that the look of fear in Raphael's eyes matched her own.