Chapter Text
The curtains were pulled tight, but even so the first light of dawn found its way into the room and settled across Hisoka’s face.
If the ray had intended to wake him, it didn’t succeed, since Hisoka had already been awake for a long time, as it seemed to have become the norm over the last week: he was trapped in a hellish cycle where every night he spent tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep for more than an hour at a time, and every morning he woke up tired and out of sorts. When Hisoka glanced at the clock, it read 5:30.
He was currently lying in their lavish, cozy bed, simply the best that money could buy, covered in silky sheets. Even the mattress matched the type found in the world's most prestigious hotels, famously promoted with the tagline, "Your future self will thank you."
Somehow, he didn't feel particularly thankful right now.
He was still holding onto the hope that he might soon doze off, get at least one more hour of precious sleep, and then wake up refreshed and ready to face the world at large, but that hope died a quick death as he felt the all-too-familiar mix of exhaustion and restlessness setting in.
Continuing the parade of unpleasant feelings, an awfully familiar pressure joined his already weary body.
In his teeth as a metallic taste. In his loins as a gathering tension. In his hands as an agitation. In his neck as a stiffness.
And most of all, in his head. It was throbbing, and that awful pulsation seemed to have merged with the pounding of his heart to create one big, nasty mess.
In short, he was feeling like shit.
The worst part? He knew perfectly well the source of his ongoing struggle. Unfortunately, this knowledge didn't help him in the slightest.
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, making one last attempt to calm his body and mind: he tried to use the technique he had learned when he was younger, which consisted of focusing on the flow of nen through his breathing.
Inhale.
Hold.
Exhale.
Unsuccessful. He was still thinking about Illumi.
Illumi, Illumi, Illumi.
How pathetic.
They had been together for over a year now, with Illumi practically living at his place, but instead of feeling steadier, Hisoka couldn't shake the feeling of unease, no matter how much he tried.
It was annoying, exhausting. All day, every day, those little nasty thoughts would come from nowhere and bite him: Look, look. How absent-minded he is, how distant. Only work, work, work. No time for pleasures, no time for you. Remember how eager he was? When you taught him all about desire and indulgence? Where is that now?
No, there was still pleasure, but this didn't change the fact that Illumi had been giving him less of his time lately. And Hisoka felt utterly neglected.
First and foremost, he was touch-starved, in desperate need to feel any, or preferably all parts of his body being caressed and passionately explored. However, the only thing Illumi was intent on grabbing was his phone.
He yearned to have Illumi's lustful gaze rest upon his silhouette, a gaze which would convey far more than his words ever could. Too bad. Some stupid documents were receiving all of his attention.
Expressing his desire with moans and groans wasn't exactly Illumi's forte... but hearing even a few of his restrained sounds would be a treat. Maybe even some rare compliment: I like your body. You did good today. I enjoyed that. Instead, all Hisoka's ear was absorbing was an endless talk about rules, duties, work, bla, bla, bla.
He was seriously beginning to miss him, even if he was lying just a few centimeters away.
Hisoka always prided himself on his intelligence, still, he couldn't fathom how the assassin had managed to exert such influence over him. How had this happened? When?
He wasn’t one for promises, but there was one he’d made to himself years ago, as a hungry, nameless child with no future: that nothing and no one would ever control him. That he would be the one in charge, the one making the rules.
Well, that was on him. He was a liar. And now he felt like he was losing a match he had never agreed to play.
He turned to take a look at the raven beauty lying next to him and felt his hip sinking into the expansive mattress.
Truth be told, there were times he wished for a smaller bed, perhaps even a camp cot. Maybe then they would find comfort and warmth by holding onto each other tightly, not being able to let go so as not to stumble to the ground.
Ah, probably Illumi would kick him out anyway...
Illumi's chest rose and fell steadily beneath the sheets. The few exposed areas of his alabaster skin caught the morning light, making them luminous, and his face... It was strange how different his expression was during sleep. No tightened muscles, no harshness in his features. He looked peaceful. Happy.
Hisoka preferred him like this, without his usual guard up, free from constant doubts and suspicions. Why couldn’t he always be this way?
A long time ago, during a past argument, he had said to Illumi, "Oh, you hurt me Illumi, you don’t trust me at all!"
Illumi hadn't realized that his words were just an empty shell, something to fill the silence. With all seriousness, he replied: "Trust is a luxury I can’t afford. The Zoldyck way is one of caution, it's how we survive."
Hisoka could relate. He considered it unwise to confide in others and was perfectly content spending his life relying on his own resources, while at the same time not encouraging others to place their trust in him either.
But in his world of secrets and hidden intentions, there was one exception: Illumi, the person he relied on, even though the very concept of trust went against his nature.
As time went by, he opened up to Illumi and showed him aspects of himself unknown to others, offering glimpses of his genuine self. Didn't that count for something? Was it not reasonable to expect the same in return? He acknowledged that he might be just a tiny bit mischievous on occasion, but on the other hand, in all their interactions, he had consistently proved himself dependable, never giving Illumi any cause to distrust him, at least when it really mattered.
Well, Illumi had once admitted his love for him, but Hisoka still sensed he didn't fully feel at ease with him. Shouldn't he around someone he loved? Be relaxed and comfortable enough to entrust him not only with his body but also with his thoughts?
Ah, Hisoka, you’re overthinking. Imagining things.
He's just being himself, the usual Illumi.
Right?
Slowly, his thoughts wandered towards a steaming cup of coffee. Yes, coffee.
He liked it dark and sweet. Usually he opted for a double shot of espresso made from fresh ground coffee beans, with just a touch of steamed foamed milk and his favorite gingerbread syrup.
The second the scalding liquid touched his lips a sense of contentment washed over him and a genuine smile would stretch across his face. It never failed to add a touch of brightness to even the most challenging mornings... And lately it was also a clear message to himself: Today will be manageable. You can do this. You don't actually have to feel like shit.
He could almost feel the warmth of the coffee cup in his hands, the indulgent bitterness of the espresso on his tongue.
Hmm, or maybe…
Remain here a little bit longer?
Be close to Illumi.
Hisoka stroked Illumi's hair, his touch feather-light so as not to disrupt his sleep. After a while, still deep in thought, he noticed Illumi's onyx eyes fixed on him, and he felt like smiling at the sight. Others might find Illumi's eyes creepy or unsettling, but to Hisoka, they were nothing short of adorable. Large, dark mirrors looking at him, so intense and interesting and rare. For a moment, Hisoka felt pride rise in his chest, thinking he was the only one with the privilege of looking into them in the morning light.
“Hello,” Hisoka said.
“Hi.”
“Come here.” Despite his words, it was Hisoka who approached him, offering a morning kiss. Was it him, or did it feel… short?
Ah, he didn’t yet brush his teeth, that was that.
Yes. Probably.
It didn’t take long before Illumi sat up gracefully, his raven hair cascading down like a dark waterfall. Hisoka’s heart swelled at the sight. Oh how he loved admiring the contours and curves of Illumi’s toned body.
Illumi extended his arms, interlocking his fingers and stretching them outward, and Hisoka felt hypnotized by the movement, by the way his well-defined muscles moved beneath his perfect skin. Through all the magazines and among any crowd, one couldn't find such beauty. As Hisoka watched him, he thought that if there were only one view he could behold for the rest of his life, it would be this. But that wasn't all that made Illumi so special. It was knowing that beneath that delicious exterior lay so much more: competence, strength, wit, and a dash of tenderness, everything that made Illumi him, flaws and all.
In short, Hisoka wasn't willing to let him go just yet. He ran a fingertip along the length of Illumi's spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, and asked, “Why won't you stay a little longer?” Hisoka tried to suppress the need in his voice.
“I have to go.” Illumi glanced at him. “I need to pack and leave for my next job.”
“Pack?” This time, there was no hiding the surprise in his voice. He could only hope the single word didn’t sound as desperate as he felt. "How long will you be gone? You didn't mention it to me."
“It never came up.”
Because you didn’t bring that up, Hisoka thought bitterly.
Just as he was to vocalize his thoughts he bit his tongue. Illumi needed him to be happy and cheerful; bitching and complaining wouldn't help.
“How long will you be gone?” Hisoka asked.
"Hard to tell, could be two weeks, maybe even more. I have to identify and eliminate a target on Luluhona Island."
Weeks????
Even the thought alone was unbearable. It was way too long. How could Illumi think it was okay not to mention something like that?
Hisoka found himself at a loss for words, and before he could voice a protest or even construct a sentence, Illumi left him behind and made his way to the bathroom.
No, no, no. This wouldn't do.
The mix of complicated feelings transitioned into a fierce determination, and by the time he got up, a fully formed plan had already crystallized in his mind.
Entering the bathroom, he saw Illumi slip out of his boxers and step into the shower.
How was it possible that most people bored him after just one night, but Illumi… Every time he thought he figured him out, there was always something new to find beneath that composed exterior, layer after layer of surprises awaiting him.
And when it came to the two of them, there was no doubt in Hisoka's mind that they worked well together, like two pieces of a puzzle from different sets that somehow just fit.
All of this and more made it so that even when days turned into weeks and then into months, Hisoka’s attraction to Illumi remained a constant.
Not to mention that seeing Illumi naked (and, at the moment, very wet) was still a huge turn-on for him. The biggest, in truth.
Hisoka shook off his thoughts and returned to the present moment, to Illumi. Quickly, he got rid of his boxers, adding his pink underwear to the black one laying on the floor.
With a few decisive steps, he approached the shower and opened the glass door, releasing a wave of pleasant warmth. Illumi’s eyes followed him. As Hisoka came to a stop in front of him, he could feel Illumi wondering about his intentions.
"Hisoka..."
One word and so many possible meanings.
I don’t want you here.
I want you.
You’re bothering me.
Come closer.
I’m sick of you.
I need you.
Hisoka was good at reading people. He was good at reading Illumi.
But lately, his troubled mind made it hard to discern the true intentions behind his words, pushing his thoughts toward the bleakest of possibilities.
Calm down Hisoka.
He'd probably kick you out of the shower without any fuss if he wouldn’t want you around...
Too often he tended to get lost in his thoughts, just like now. Illumi started washing himself, and Hisoka guessed he must have looked ridiculous just standing there for however long, watching him without a word.
No matter. Hisoka closed the distance and moved under the stream of cascading water. Slowly, almost reverently, his lips met Illumi’s in a kiss that tasted more like a question than a statement, while his hands traveled to the small of the assassin's back, pulling him closer. After a moment of hesitation, Illumi reciprocated the kiss.
Hisoka closed his eyes, savoring the moment. Every detail around them was an additional feast for his senses, intensifying the feeling of bliss: the aromas wafting through the air, the hot water cascading over his body, the feel of Illumi’s naked, wet skin against his own.
It was oh so good.
But as always Hisoka wanted more.
And after all, there was no better way to start the morning than with a shared orgasm.
He could feel their bodies starting to react to the slow touches, and soon enough Hisoka could sense a sweet hardness rubbing against his thigh.
He placed his palm on Illumi’s chest and, in a guiding motion, pushed him back against the wall. Illumi exhaled at the feeling of the cold tiles that were now touching his back.
Don’t worry Illumi, I will get you hot in just a moment.
Hisoka stood in front of him with a calculated nonchalance that radiated confidence.
Lately, he liked sex face to face. It felt more intense, and while looking into Illumi’s eyes, he could see a reflection of gold in his dark pupils. He often wondered if it was the same for him. Could he see black reflected in his gold?
One step further and he was pressed against Illumi’s skin.
From this angle there was so much he could do, fuck him, lick him, finger him. Pretty much whatever his heart desired.
After a brief consideration, he opted for something that wasn't his instinctive first choice… yet somehow felt oddly fitting, like being on the same wavelength, a match, an equal.
Without further ado he grabbed both of their now fully hard dicks, while reaching for a bottle of body oil and pouring it on both of them generously.
Illumi’s hips stuttered at the contact, and he let out a breathy sigh.
Was he happy about his initiative? Was he pleased?
“I’ve got a really tempting idea,” Hisoka said, or rather purred.
Hisoka pumped both their dicks once, twice. “Imagine this: me going with you.”
Hisoka's words flowed like sweet honey drizzling from a spoon, unhurried, irresistible. As he spoke, his hand moved with a slow pace that matched his words.
“This is a delicate operation," Illumi's said. His voice trembled, slightly. “I can’t risk any mistakes.”
Hisoka tightened his grip. He took his time appreciating the firmness beneath his touch. His cock was slightly larger and had a few veins, while Illumi's was perfectly smooth. He enjoyed the way they both fit in his palm just right, as though they were meant to be held just so, between his fingers.
“Oh?” Hisoka’s voice held a playful tone. “I can actually be quite handy, you know. Maybe it’s time you noticed.”
The oil offered a different experience than the lube would, providing a silky glide that made him feel warm and satisfied. So good. It was easy—too easy—to get lost in that feeling, but Hisoka made an effort to remain concentrated and in charge of the situation.
“I know your working style. Always the strategist, obsessing over every little detail, planning for every possible scenario.”
Illumi moved his hips closer toward Hisoka's ministrations. Hisoka felt delighted as Illumi's slender fingers grabbed his ass, and in the next moment found their way to his neck, pulling him closer.
“But here’s the thing…"
Hisoka paused his speech to lend more gravity to what he was about to say next.
“...what if you run into something you never saw coming?"
There was a lewd, slick, squishing sound coming from underneath them, and Hisoka was sure that without all the oil and water involved, he would be able to feel the pre-cum dripping from their tips and sliding down their lengths.
“You know, I'm quite the expert at improvising,”
He looked down at their cocks, both already deliciously flushed. That turned him on so much… He picked up the pace. A sigh escaped from Illumi's lips.
"Very resourceful too."
Illumi secured his hold, locking his arms around Hisoka's neck, and Hisoka was happy to provide the steadiness his quivering body sought. And how delightful it was when Illumi, in search of more friction and more pleasure, started rubbing his dick against Hisoka's.
"I can get you out of any sticky situation..."
Hisoka's pace was getting faster by the minute. Eventually, Illumi couldn't hold back any longer and a muffled moan escaped his lips.
“...craft convincing lies and cover stories...”
A single strand of black hair fell onto Illumi's flushed cheeks, his lips parted slightly, giving him a seductive look. Did he know how desirable he was? How utterly irresistible?
"...gather some helpful intel..."
Hisoka’s free hand was awfully unoccupied. There were so many activities and gestures he could indulge in, but only one he felt the need to act on. He swept Illumi's hair from his face and leaned in for another kiss.
“And when the tension becomes unbearable I will take care of that as well.”
They were both close, Hisoka could tell.
"How does this sound?"
Hisoka fixed his golden eyes on him, waiting.
God. How much he would give to hear his name fall from Illumi’s lips right now... To have the audible confirmation of how well he made him feel. To see the mask slip, to watch the walls fall, if only for a moment. But that seemed hardly possible. Even in the most heated moments, Illumi remained far too composed.
“Yes. You can come.” At last Illumi said, with an unusually shaky voice.
“I was just about to,” Hisoka said with a shit-eating grin.
Almost at the same time, they came in several short bursts. Their bodies shuddered, tensed, nails dug into skin, lips found each other.
Their cum mixed in Hisoka's palm, and before the water could rinse it away, he smeared it thoroughly on their cocks.
There was a strange satisfaction in knowing that their essence had merged into one, and somehow that made him feel closer to Illumi, closer than the act of sex itself. Yes, he felt revitalized and equipped with a newfound confidence.
Great job. Your charm and reasoning skills did the trick.
Who would have thought that this day would bring such an opportunity? He couldn't have imagined a more perfect setting if he tried, one that by the end of their mission would deepen their bond and make it stronger than ever before.
He could almost taste the salt in the air, feel the sun touching his skin, sense the excitement of a new adventure.
A lush paradise awaited them.
Ah yes.
It was about time they had a relaxing vacation.