Chapter Text
It really shouldn't surprise her, but Meryl will admit, out of all of her discoveries about the eternal enigma of Vash the Stampede, the one that really throws her for a loop is the revelation that, in bedroom matters, he's exceedingly confident.
It makes sense - he's been around a long time after all, chances are he's had plenty of opportunity to learn a thing or two. It's even fortunate, because while he talks a big game it quickly becomes apparent that Nicholas hasn't got a clue, and then there's Meryl - fresh out of university with only a handful of escapades under her belt and more nervous energy than she knows what to do with.
But Vash has no problem taking the reins.
Maybe it's just the juxtaposition that confuses her. They're so used to the innocent, bumbling persona he likes to put on it's strange to realize he can be a little devious when he wants.
He's great with his fingers and even better with his mouth, and he knows it too. Smug is a good look on him - pleased with the results of his labors and lightly teasing. And God, does he know how to put on a show - watching him give head is honestly an experience.
But the other thing she discovers about Vash is that under no circumstances does he want anyone returning the favor.
He's sly about it. She doesn't even notice at first, he's so perfectly adept at redirecting their attention, but a few months in and it's impossible to miss. Kissing is fine, cuddling always goes down a treat (he might even be a little touch starved on that front), but the boxers stay on and if either of them get too handsy he's swift to offer a distraction.
Which isn't a problem per se, it's just puzzling. With how enthusiastic he is about getting them off he has to have some level of interest, right? So is it just a manifestation of his terrible sense of self worth? That it's fine for him to give, but never to take?
Or… or is it something else? Because it's no secret that Vash isn't human - old news by this point - but it's also something he prefers to hide. It had taken them months to find out that he actually purrs, and even longer to convince him to do it anytime he wasn't half asleep, and the one time his feathers had come out he'd locked himself in the bathroom and refused to emerge until they were gone.
If… and Meryl's speculating here… if he's not physically humanoid down there, would that explain his reluctance? She's reasonably sure based on outline alone that whatever he's packing it's not a cock (not unless he has some way to tuck it inside, which, honestly, who knows?) but that leaves a lot to the imagination.
But how do you broach that topic? Was it something she should bring up? Maybe it was best to give Vash the chance to sort it out on his own. Open up when he’s ready. Or… or maybe she should be offering reassurances, trying to at least figure out what his deal is so her and Nicholas know if these boundaries are something they can push or if they need to back off.
She feels out of her depth.
They have a good thing going and she really, really doesn't want to ruin it. The trouble is she doesn't know what would do more harm - silence, or trying to pin Vash to get some answers out of him.
She turns it round and around in her head for weeks.
Meryl doesn't think she ever makes a decision, but somehow, on a day when Nicholas has gone outside for a smoke and Vash is licking his fingers clean after a very satisfying session of pleasuring her, she finds herself propping herself up on her elbows and asking a little breathlessly, "Vash, are you interested in sex?"
He pauses. Lowers his hand from his mouth and smiles. "Why do you ask?"
It's one of his fake smiles.
Carefully Meryl sits herself up, watching him closely. "Well… you never seem to want to… uh… let anyone in your pants. Which is fine! That's totally fine, I just mean… I guess I wondered if there was something holding you back? Something…"
He's still just kneeling there with his smile in place, and she can't get a good read on him, but she's gone this far and it'd be stupid to turn back now, so she draws in a breath and perseveres. "Okay, so, we know you're not human? And you know that's not a problem for us, right?"
"Ah," he says flatly.
That doesn’t sound good.
"Vash?"
He's quiet for a moment. Then he goes back to cleaning up his hand. Only once he's finished does he return his attention to her, with a smile that's just a tad sheepish this time. "If I tell you, do you promise not to be mad?"
"Yes," she says immediately.
Vash nods. He gets to his feet, runs through a few stretches, then takes a seat on the bedspread, patting the space beside him in an obvious invitation. She crawls her way over, settling up against his side and looping her arm around his.
"Alright," he says, fiddling with the edge of the sheets. "Yeah. This is gonna be awkward. So… I'm a plant."
"Yep."
"And reproduction for plants is different. Very different."
"That's not a problem-" she starts, but he cuts her off, his spare hand held up to stall her.
"Just… bear with me here,” he says. He tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling, chewing over his words for several seconds. “For humans, you know you're all… ready to go whenever? Year round? Well, for us it’s seasonal. So... I don’t get the urge most of the time, and when I do it’s not what you’re thinking. At all. I honestly don’t think you’d even get anything out of it.”
Meryl finds she suddenly can’t think of anything to say.
“Oh,” she murmurs, because it’s better than nothing.
“Yeah. Oh,” Vash agrees with a wry twist of his lips. Then he turns his face back toward her and flashes a grin. “Really, you don’t have to worry about it. I don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything, and I’m sorry if you were hoping for something exciting but there’s still plenty of things I can do with these,” he says, wiggling his fingers. “And-”
“But you’re not interested in sex?” she presses.
He sighs. “Mostly? No.”
“Then why do you... Have you just been faking- is that why you didn’t want me to be mad?” she asks, squinting at him like somehow the answers might be hidden there. But he’s still just Vash – tousle haired and bright eyed, sweet, kind, and such a good liar. All she sees is what he wants her to, and she supposes she should be thankful he’s being honest with her at all rather than jumping to his usual evasive tactics.
A new thought occurs to her and she tightens her grip on his arm. “Wait, is any of that stuff even sex to you? If plants are so different?”
“Meryl,” he whines, “you’re asking difficult questions.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
Vash runs a hand through his hair. “Yes and no, I guess?” he says eventually. “It doesn’t turn me on if that’s what you’re wondering, but it feels intimate? And I like to be involved. I like to make you both feel good. I might, uh... play up how into it I am, but that’s fun in its own way, you know? I’m still having a good time.”
He seems earnest. Which, from Vash, doesn’t mean much, but she’s willing to believe him on this one. It’s still a strange reality to digest. To think that all the times he’d gone down on her or Nicholas it had been something different for him than it had for them. She doesn’t feel... hurt, exactly, but maybe a bit disconcerted.
She knows now though – he’s trusted her enough to reveal this much. Meryl is a woman of practicality, and she can take this in her stride, it’s in no way a deal breaker.
“Okay,” she tells him, letting go of his arm so she can instead take his hand in hers and interlace their fingers. “And for you, when you’re... ‘in season’? What’s that like?”
“Weird. But I can take off for a few days, I usually ride it out alone so you don’t need to-”
“Do you want to be alone though?”
He closes his eyes. Draws a breath in through his nose. “I’ve... listen, like I said before it’s not something you’d get anything out of, plant sex isn’t exactly synonymous-”
“I’m not asking if its synonymous, I’m asking if you’d want us there. Is it something we could be involved with? Would you... would that be good for you?” she says, giving his hand a squeeze.
Vash blinks his eyes open, gazing down at their clasped hands then up at her face. There’s a brief hesitation, then he tilts his head to the side, lifts an eyebrow, and has the audacity to ask, “Are you propositioning me?”
She can’t help but snort at that – at the ridiculousness of it, coming from someone who’d had their fingers up inside her only minutes ago. “I wouldn’t put it so formally, but yeah, I am.”
He just stares at her.
When she says nothing more, he wets his lips, and says falteringly, “It can... I mean, in theory you could- it can be pretty intense though? I get kind of worked up, so... And... and I’m not kidding about it being weird?”
His voice ends on a strained note and Meryl realises she might have actually managed to fluster him. At any other time she’d be crowing over the victory but here she just offers a smile. “Is that a yes?”
“Can I think about it?” he asks.
“Of course. But you should probably tell Nick about all this too.”
He groans. “Can’t you do it?”
“Nope,” she says cheerfully, “this is definitely something he needs to hear from the source.”
Vash pouts but she isn’t swayed, not even when he abruptly switches to an exaggerated sultry expression and asks, “Really?” while he drags one finger up her bare leg. “Are you sure there’s no way I could persuade you?”
She bats his prosthetic away with a laugh, letting go of his other hand as she hops off the bed. “Real cute, but no. If you’re done being a brat I’m going to get dressed.”
“So mean to me,” he huffs, falling backward onto the mattress while Meryl stoops to gather her shorts.
Honestly, he’s such a drama queen sometimes.