Chapter Text
𝑰'𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌
𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒔
𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒔.
𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒚,
𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒏𝒕
𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎.
- 𝑁𝑖𝑘𝑖𝑡𝑎 𝐺𝑖𝑙𝑙
・°˖✧
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏: 𝐀 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌
・°˖✧
On the night of December 24, 2018, Gojo Satoru died.
You see, people believe that when a person suddenly dies, their soul travels to another world, in an alternate universe where they are needed the most. It was the sort of assurance that people hold on to. That perhaps, in another life, in another world, in an alternate universe, that person’s soul travels where they are needed the most.
The concept of reincarnation was born out of that belief. It’s just that Gojo Satoru never believes in such things.
Until he, himself, had experienced it.
“Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru…”
In the middle of the sidewalk crowded with people passing by, he stood there. In front of him is a silhouette of a man, so near yet so far. He could reach him yet he couldn’t. He didn’t want to, or he couldn’t. He doesn’t know which one it was that held him back.
“Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”
Maybe that question was what held him back from moving, from taking a step forward just so he could reach him.
The man’s voice faded and so did the noise around, the people walking past them looked like a blur of old movies that they had seen numerous times together. The busy street became a distant muffled sound in his ears until all but the man’s question remained echoing in his head. The man turned around and started to walk, getting lost among the blurring crowd, yet he still stood there, unable to reach him.
Satoru jolted awake, a tear trickled down the side of his eyes before he blinked it away. His ceiling has always been a dull witness to mornings like this one, when he was awakened by the same dream of a man he doesn’t even recognize in a place that seems familiar yet unfamiliar to him.
Maybe he’s still not right in the head, he thought to himself.
After the accident a few months ago, when he was pronounced dead on 24th of December, it was pure miracle that he’s alive. Because how else can a man whose heartbeat had already stopped be alive after a few seconds? Even the doctors couldn’t explain what happened to him. Even Satoru couldn’t explain what he went through during that time, when his heart stopped beating. And ever since waking up, Satoru always had the same dream. It’s becoming more and more of a recurring nightmare more than anything now. It scares him how that particular scene feels so real, like a memory he doesn’t remember ever having or burying at the deepest corners of his mind.
After having a staring competition with his dull ceiling, Satoru decided to sit up, climbing down his bed to start off this day.
“Let’s see…doctor’s appointment at 11,” he muttered, looking at the note in his phone. “First, coffee.”
Because he couldn’t start his day without a drop of caffeine in his system. But more than that, coffee is literally the only thing he could taste now. And not just any ordinary coffee, it has to be that one particular coffee in that particular coffee shop a few blocks near the Shibuya Station.
At nine on the dot, Satoru left his place to go to that coffee shop. It was a small establishment almost hidden in the crowded streets of the City. It was also an absolute miracle that he managed to stumble upon that coffee shop because his usual place was closed that day and like a man with withdrawal symptoms, he needed coffee so bad he thought he was going to lose his mind.
When he opened the door of the coffee shop, he stopped for a moment to take in a deep breath through his nose before letting it out through his lips and smiling.
“Still can’t smell a damn thing,” he muttered before proceeding ahead.
Although the coffee shop is small and cozy, there are quite a lot more people in the morning than in the afternoon so Satoru had to wait in line. When the person in front of him got his order, Satoru’s phone vibrated with a message and he took out his phone while taking a few steps ahead.
“I’ll have the usual,” he said without looking up. He frequents the coffee shop, going there twice a day, one in the morning and the other in the afternoon. So the baristas already knew what his usual is.
But a momentary silence suggested that the person in front of him didn’t know.
“I’m sorry, but I’m new here so I don’t know what your usual is.”
Again, without bothering to look up while he was typing a quick reply to the person who texted him, Satoru spoke. “The most bitter coffee you have on the menu. No sugar, no cream. Just plain coffee.”
“We have free strawberry scones today, would you like one?”
“Sure,”
When Satoru finally looked up, the new barista already turned around and Satoru could only see his back while he was preparing his order.
“I didn’t catch your name, sir,” he said while preparing the coffee.
“It’s Satoru.”
On his first day as the new barista in that coffee shop, Geto Suguru’s first order is quite unusual.
Someone ordered the most bitter coffee on the menu. He did not question why. Everyone has their preference, Suguru thought to himself.
“Satoru? Ah, that’s a nice name,” he muttered to himself before looking up to see the man who placed the order, ready to pay.
But for some reason, the person’s eyes that were the color of clear blue sky stared at him, and those eyes held a certain emotion Suguru could not quite describe. It was as though the man was seeing a past in his own present. A memory in another life overlapping with the memory of this life. It was that transient moment in time when everything seems to make absolute sense.
It feels as though it finally made sense, why Satoru would always wake up from the same dream, crying over the same person, in the same place that was not quite the same as the City he lives in.
It made sense, because the very person he always sees in his dream is right in front of him, calling his name.
“Satoru?”
He blinked once to clear his thoughts, twice to prevent a tear from trickling down, thrice just to make sure he’s not dreaming.
“Sorry,”
Satoru wasn’t entirely sure why he’s apologizing. Was it because this man called his name twice and he was spacing out. Or was it because he failed to reach him in his dream?
When he was finally able to take full control of himself after momentarily getting lost in his own train of thoughts, Satoru paid for his coffee before turning around and walking to his usual spot. Four tables from the entrance, right next to the window where the sunlight would seep through, bathing him in the golden hour of the morning.
He sat down before looking ahead, to where the new barista is. He’s now talking to another customer, a closed-eyed smile on his face.
Satoru touched his mug, his finger tip on the rim of the cup. But he couldn’t tear his eyes from the person ahead. How could someone look so familiar yet unfamiliar to him?
Like this place, Satoru thought to himself.
Whenever he walks down the street, in the busy Shibuya Station or the sidewalk crowded with people passing by, he would always get a sense of familiarity and unfamiliarity at the same time.
Like he had once walked in the same place but in a different life.
Perhaps it was the intensity of his gaze that had made Suguru look at where Satoru is sitting, only to see the man already drinking his coffee.
Suguru couldn’t prevent the slight wince when he saw how Satoru was able to drink the most bitter coffee on the menu with no sugar or cream, just letting it go down his throat like water and relishing in the bitter aftertaste of it.
Satoru took a bite of the free strawberry scone. His face remained the same, his expression not changing as he took another bite of the sweet dessert. And when he’s done eating, Satoru stood up.
He stopped before opening the door, looking back for a moment to see the new barista smiling once more. Again, that smile looks familiar and unfamiliar, as everything around him since the accident.
The appointment with his doctor went the same as usual. After that accident, they monitored him quite seriously. But surprisingly, they did not see serious damage. Except for the recurring dreams and the sense of deja vu, Satoru thought he might actually have to see a different doctor for that one which he couldn’t be bothered to do.
The accident did leave him with something else, although not serious, it left Satoru with the inability to smell or taste anything. The doctor said he might actually have to learn to live with that.
He did learn to cope with his lack of smell and taste with the bitter coffee, so on the same day, that afternoon, Satoru went back to the coffee shop.
“You again?” Suguru said when he saw Satoru in front of him again just a few hours after he watched him chug the whole bitter coffee like nothing.
“Since you’re new here, I’ll have you know that I come to this coffee shop twice every day, order the same coffee and sit on the same spot over there,” Satoru said, pointing at the table where Suguru saw him sitting earlier that morning. “And by the way, I did not catch your name.”
“I’m Geto Suguru.”
Perhaps it was because his eyes are so blue, like if the sky and ocean meet, that even if it was a transient moment in time, Suguru noticed the emotion swirling in those clear blue eyes.
“Suguru…huh?”
Satoru spoke like he knew the name all his life when it was the first time he heard of that name.
“Well then, Suguru, I’ll have the usual.” Satoru took out his wallet before adding, “Oh, and is the strawberry scone still available.”
Suguru smiled before shaking his head no. At least his smile could alleviate the disappointment. “Unfortunately, we ran out of scones.”
“Damn, that sucks. Then, I’ll just have the usual.”
The most bitter coffee on the menu. Suguru was almost tempted to sneak just a cube of sugar in secret because he couldn’t comprehend how someone could actually drink it without any sweet to ease the bitter aftertaste of it. Even as he’s making the coffee, just the smell of it, Suguru could almost taste how bitter it is.
But he refrained himself from doing something that a customer did not tell him to do. So once more, for the second time that day, Suguru made the most bitter coffee for the same person twice today.
“Here you go,” he said, handing the mug to Satoru after he paid.
Suguru watched as he made his way to his usual spot. The afternoon sun bathed the spot in its golden glory that Suguru wondered how his eyes would reflect the sunlight. Like a clear blue ocean reflecting the afternoon sun.
Unlike mornings, the coffee shop doesn’t have as many customers during the afternoon. The soft piano plays in the background, making the cozy establishment more comforting compared to the noisy and busy street outside.
Satoru is looking out the window, his elbow placed on the table while his chin propped on his palm. His other hand is placed on the mug, letting the hot coffee cool down a bit. He watches as people walk past, a gaze that is almost full of unspoken melancholy from a memory he only remembers in his dreams.
“Satoru,”
There was a sort of familiarity in the way he called his name and Satoru averted his gaze from the window to look at Suguru who is now standing in front of him before his eyes traveled to the small plate he’s holding.
“Looks like you’re in luck. I found one strawberry scone left.”
Suguru put the small plate on the table next to the coffee before he straightened up. When Satoru did not speak, he turned around and started to walk. But after taking a few steps, Satoru finally called his name.
“Suguru, thanks,” he said, and Suguru doesn’t need to turn around to know he’s smiling. Just his voice alone made it obvious that he’s grinning.
Even though Satoru couldn’t taste anything, when he took a bite of the scone, the inside of his mouth tickled. But in the end, the scone tasted like nothing at all, and Satoru had to drink the lukewarm coffee before it goes cold, just to taste its bitter aftertaste that reminds him there might be hope. He can still taste the bitterness, even if it’s just an aftertaste. Like afterglow, he thought to himself.
・°˖✧
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐: 𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐘
・°˖✧
Suguru didn’t think Satoru was serious when he said that he comes to the coffee shop twice every day. The man really frequented the coffee shop twice a day and never missed a day since the first day Suguru started working there.
Now it’s been three months, and with the change of the calendar pages also comes the change in the weather. It started becoming considerably colder recently, autumn is such a beautiful season that it can make the surroundings look ethereal when everything else is dying, like the leaves, falling from the trees and decorating the ground in amber. The changing of the season reminded Satoru that he is not stuck in a time loop, even though sometimes he feels that he is.
“Satoru, the same as usual?”
“Come on now, you’re still asking that, Suguru?”
What was once a strange familiarity in the way they call each other’s names no longer feels strange. Three months of knowing each other feels like three years, maybe that’s why they say time’s a relative matter. It’s slow and fast, it stretches and compresses, but it’s different to every person. How they perceive time when they’re with a stranger is different from how they perceive time when they’re with someone they know their whole lives.
“Hey Suguru, what’s taking you so long?” Satoru called. “There aren’t any customers except for me today, you know.”
Satoru leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes, just letting the afternoon sun bathed his face, not cold and not hot, just the perfect amount of warmth that he relished before he heard the sound of the mug being placed on the table.
“No cream, no sugar, I made it extra bitter just the way you like it so be a little more grateful, Satoru.”
Satoru opened his eyes before he grinned and straightened up. “What are you talking about? I’m so grateful for your hard-work at complying with your good-looking customer’s demands.”
“Are we playing two truths and a lie?” Suguru asked, returning the smile. “I’m guessing the lie there is the ‘good-looking customer’ part.”
“I’ll have you know there’s no lie in what I said. I really am good-looking.”
“I would say you’re average.”
“You forgot the word ‘above’ average.” Suguru didn’t say anything, finding no point to argue further. “No, in fact, I broke the scale.”
“You’re right, you broke the scale for being too full of yourself.”
“Hey Sugu—”
“Yes, good afternoon!” Suguru straightened up when a new customer came and turned around, walking ahead.
It did not take long until Satoru’s smile fell and faded, and he averted his gaze to the window, watching the people and vehicles passing by. He would take occasional sips of the coffee once in a while, but he never averted his eyes from the window. Even after Suguru was done preparing the order of the customer who came in, when he looked at where Satoru sits, he noticed that he’s doing it again.
He is lost in his own thoughts again, like he’s living in his own world. It’s as if he is there but not quite there.
The coffee did not last for half an hour. Satoru wished it would last for more than that, though. Now he’s just sitting there, looking outside as the sun hides behind the tall buildings of the City, along with an empty cup of coffee.
“Satoru,” Suguru called and Satoru finally tore his eyes from outside. “Coffee for your thoughts?”
Satoru’s smile seems reflexive. The smile lit his face and his eyes seemed to gleam, like a hundred fireflies were reflecting on it.
“I wouldn’t mind having another one,” Satoru said, lifting his empty mug.
Suguru brewed him another coffee. But he toned down the bitterness this time, almost instinctively.
“The sun already set,” Suguru muttered, placing the mug on the table. “But it’s still a bit bright outside. What was it called again? Afterglow?”
Suguru stares outside, the light from the once glorious afternoon sun remains in the sky. And while he was lost in the utter beauty of the afterglow, Satoru found himself staring at him.
Recently, his dreams have become more and more vivid. In fact, in the past three months, ever since he first met Suguru, Satoru’s dreams are becoming more of a memory. They were overlaying his own memories that sometimes he didn’t know if he’s living in this world or in another universe that’s eerily the same as this world.
As his dreams become more vivid, so does the silhouette of the man. Satoru is certain now, the man he was so desperately trying to reach, so near yet so far, in the middle of the blurring crowd, the man he failed to hold on to.
“Suguru,” he called, breaking the silence that fell between them. The afterglow faded and the sky darkened as the lamps outside lit up. “Where are we again?”
For a second, Suguru was confused before his expression changed into a gentle smile. “We’re in your favorite coffee shop, near the Shibuya Station.”
“Right, I thought I was dreaming again.”
“Dreaming?”
“Ah, you wouldn’t believe it if I tell you,” Satoru said languidly, downing the bitter coffee like water gliding down his throat. Suguru had learned not to wince whenever he saw Satoru drinking that.
“Try me,” Suguru said in a challenging tone.
Satoru finished the rest of the coffee in his mug before putting the empty mug down. “Nah, I’ll tell you some other time.”
Suguru shook his head, a smile still lingering on his lips, the smile that looks so familiar to Satoru.
“Ah, I almost forgot, do you have any plans tonight after work?”
“Why?”
Satoru took out something in his pocket and when Suguru saw what it was, his smile wavered for a bit.
“Are those…movie tickets?” he asked slowly, just to make sure.
“Yeah, let’s go watch a movie after work.”
“What…” Suguru trailed off, cutting off the question before he could say it and instead let out a sigh and his smile widened. “Alright, but you need to wait for two hours.”
“I’ll wait, Suguru. I’ll always wait.”
It was the first time Suguru spent time with Satoru outside the small but cozy coffee shop. It extends their time together, even just for a few hours. But it wasn’t the last time they got to spend time with each other after the coffee shop closed. Because ever since then, they would spend a few hours going to arcades and playing video games like high school students after school, bringing back old memories of the past.
Whether those memories were of this life or of another life, Satoru still couldn’t figure it out.
・°˖✧
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟑: 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍
・°˖✧
When a person has a certain routine, like going in and out of a loop, it becomes concerning once that person stops doing his routine. You know, like walking in the same street or taking the same train every single day without a hitch. But when that person stopped walking in the same street or stopped taking the same train, the people who often see the person would all wonder the same.
What could have happened to him?
That’s exactly what Suguru thought that morning when Satoru didn’t show up, ordering the same as usual. He thought he might be busy with other things so Suguru tried not to think about him while he’s working. But that afternoon, Satoru didn’t show up again.
What happened to going to the coffee shop twice every day, ordering the same coffee and sitting in the same spot over there?
The day started and ended without Suguru seeing even a shadow of that good-looking customer.
It’s getting colder now, he thought to himself when he got outside. The snow hasn’t fallen yet, but judging by how cold it had been for the past few days, it wouldn’t be long until the first snowfall of the year grazed this land.
Suguru stopped for a second while he was walking down the sidewalk. After weeks of spending time with Satoru, it’s frightening how he had gotten used to walking alongside that tall man every single night after work. And now, his absence had made him actually stop for a moment to figure out what he was feeling all of a sudden.
“Just what in the world happened to you, Satoru?” he asked, taking out his phone and debating whether to call him or not. They were at the point of their relationship where they finally exchanged contacts, but Suguru doesn’t know if they were at the point of their relationship when a day’s absence would warrant one to call the other just to ask why he didn’t show up.
“Okay, maybe not,” he concluded, putting his phone back in his pocket and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk. It’s filled with so many people that some of them even bump into Suguru’s shoulders, yet as many as the people are brushing past him, Suguru feels oddly alone on his way back home.
The next day, Satoru didn’t show up again. Even the inside of the coffee shop had gone a bit colder from his absence.
Then, another day had gone without Satoru showing up.
It’s been three days and Suguru was on the verge of calling him. And if he doesn’t answer, he doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t answer. He guessed he’ll just follow his instincts by then, no matter how crazy it is.
“Excuse me, may I have the usual?”
Suguru lifted his head quickly and his name came out of his lips just as quickly. “Satoru?”
“I’m sorry?” the man asked, confused for a moment before Suguru quickly apologizes.
“Sorry, I thought you were someone else. The usual Vienna coffee, right?”
“That’s right.”
After that, Suguru tried not to think about anything else but his work. When it became dark outside, the lights in the coffee shop were lit up. Suguru looked at the calendar and that day’s date was encircled in red.
He almost forgot what day it was.
“It’s already December 24th?” he muttered before he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Right, are you sure you’re fine being left alone here? You know we can close the coffee shop early tonight,” the manager said. “It’s Christmas Eve. You youngsters ought to spend this day with your boyfriends and girlfriends.”
“I’ll be fine here. There are still customers around,” Suguru answered with a smile. It’s not like he has someone to spend this night with after work. Not for the past three days.
The customers started to get fewer and fewer as the hours went by. The coffee shop closes at nine but at half past eight there were no longer a single customer around so Suguru decided to clean up.
He stopped at the table where Satoru often sits, near the window where the sunlight perfectly seeps through during the golden hour.
Perhaps he was so lost in his own thoughts that he failed to hear the door opening and closing and the familiar footsteps of a man until his voice broke the silence of the place.
“Coffee for your thoughts?”
For a moment, Suguru thought he was hearing his own thought, not until he saw his reflection on the window and standing behind him is—
“Satoru?”
He turned around and Satoru greeted him with a grin, like he wasn’t just gone for three consecutive days and had Suguru not just worried but questioning his own feelings.
“Just where— why did—” he couldn’t even construct a proper question because he had so many to ask all at once. He stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh of what he later realized was relief. “Where were you, Satoru?”
“Oh me? I was at the hospital.” Satoru said it so casually, like being at the hospital for three days was just normal for him. “You still have half an hour before you close, can I have the usual?”
Suguru let out a sigh again, this time it was no longer of relief. “Alright,” he answered and went to prepare Satoru’s usual coffee while Satoru sat on his usual spot.
After a while, Suguru went back with two mugs of coffee and he placed it down on the table. “We were supposed to close early today and since there were no longer any customers except you, you wouldn’t mind if I joined you for coffee?”
“No, of course not!”
When Suguru sat down, Satoru noticed the coffees were the same. Their coffees were so dark the Christmas lights from outside the windows reflected on the liquid like tiny stars drowning in the bitterness of the beverage.
“Suguru, did you brew yourself the same coffee I always have?”
“Yeah, why?” he asked, holding the mug. “I wanted to try it once. It’s supposed to be the most bitter coffee on our menu but you always drink it like water.”
“Suguru, I don’t think you should try it at all.”
Suguru took the mug and lifted it up, looking at Satoru with an expression that clearly states ‘too late now’ before he took a sip.
Just a small sip, but that was enough for him to grimace at the taste as he put the mug down and coughed a few times. His cough was replaced by a loud laughter coming from Satoru who had no qualms laughing like that while Suguru almost saw his whole life flashed before his eyes.
“How can you drink something so bitter?”
“I guess I’m built different,” Satoru said, downing half of the coffee in his mug and Suguru watched as he gulped down the coffee, not wincing or grimacing at how bitter it was.
For some reason, Suguru only thought of one thing. And he said it out loud before he realized it.
“Satoru, you…can’t taste anything, can you?” Suguru couldn’t think of any other reason why he would always order the most bitter coffee on the menu. It’s not like he enjoys the bitter coffee, it’s because he actually couldn’t taste anything and the bitter aftertaste left from it is the only thing he can make out of anything he eats or drinks.
“Yeah, I can’t taste anything,” Satoru said, putting his mug down. “But I wasn’t always like this. I used to enjoy sweet food. It was after the accident when I lost my sense of smell and taste.”
“Accident?” Suguru asked, with that one word, his tone was full of concern.
Satoru looked outside and his eyes lit up. “Look, it’s snowing.”
But Suguru did not tear his eyes from Satoru. What accident, he wanted to ask. But he waited for Satoru to continue speaking.
“It was snowing that night too, when I got in that road accident. I was young and wanted to dare death. I was speeding down the freeway, barely passing over the speeding limit. Then it started to snow, it was the first snowfall of the year. The road was damped from the thawing snow, it became slippery and dangerous and I guess death was down for the dare that night.”
A momentary silence fell between them, Satoru averted his gaze to look at Suguru. Their eyes clashed and neither looked away.
“I had a traumatic brain injury because of that accident. It caused me to lose my sense of smell and taste. But the bitter aftertaste of this coffee became my only leverage at not losing hope that one day I might regain those senses again.”
Suguru was the first one to break eye contact, his gaze traveled down to the coffee in Satoru’s mug. Half-full and half-empty, while his mug is still full of the same bitter coffee that he knew had already gone lukewarm now.
“It was last year, the accident. The night of December 24th, 2018. I was pronounced dead, and to think that tonight was supposed to be my first death anniversary.” Satoru’s chuckle was low and held nothing but the density of the words he said.
It was snowing that night.
The first snowfall of the year.
They say the first snowfall is the perfect time for a lot of things. It’s the perfect time to confess their feelings to someone. It’s the perfect time to be with their loved ones. It’s the perfect time to wish for something the heavens above could only grant.
Unfortunately for him, it was also the perfect time to get into a road accident.
The snow had made the road slippery and dangerous, but as though he’s a cat with nine lives he was speeding down the road with his Kawasaki Ninja 400 without a care in the world, barely going over the speeding limit.
It was like he’s challenging death. He’s daring death to take him, not knowing that death is up for the dare.
Everything happened so fast, faster than his brain could register the pain his body had sustained.
And when his ears had stopped ringing, he could hear the sirens wailing in the distance, there were also the muffled voices of people around. His eyes are half-lidded, staring at the night sky and the snow falling gradually like time had slowed down to a lull.
“He’s breathing. Barely.”
“This is his ID.”
“Gojo…Satoru?”
The noise started to dull, the voices began to get more and more muffled and so did the wailing sirens sounding more distant.
When he finally closed his eyes, he was met by darkness. It was an abyss of oblivion. A sort of comfort in the embrace of nothingness.
The responders were able to take him to the hospital, with pulse beating barely, weakly, until the thin lines appeared in the monitor followed by a deafening sound of failing to save a life.
The doctors tried, but when they realized only a miracle would save this young man, they stopped.
“Time of death, 11:45 pm. December 24th, 2018.”
Followed by that announcement was a momentary silence that surrounded the room.
He’s dead.
In that darkness that surprisingly provided him comfort, his whole life flashed before him.
But something’s not right.
It wasn’t the life he lived, or at least, not that one he remembers living in this world. It was the life of another him, in another life, in another universe.
“Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru?”
“Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”
Time is a relative matter, and so it became non-existent in that abyss where he watches his whole life before his very eyes. It’s like watching a recording, a movie, and like that, it’s also bound to end.
The silence was broken by a loud gasp and the monitors started to beep. They believed only a miracle would save this young man but there is no such miracle that could bring him back to life. And yet there he was, breathing, heart beating.
Gojo Satoru is alive.
It took Suguru a few minutes to absorb everything Satoru confessed that night. But it seems it wasn’t the only confession he was about to make before the night ended.
・°˖✧
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟒: 𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒
・°˖✧
“Are you not going to drink that?” Satoru asked, nodding at the coffee that Suguru barely touched. “You should put sugar or cream, don’t let it go to waste.”
“You can have it if you want.”
“We’ll be sharing an indirect kiss, is that fine with…” Satoru trailed off when Suguru started pouring cream in his coffee before he could even finish speaking. He poured way too much cream, either on purpose or he just didn’t realize it because he was looking away, trying to hide the color that grazed his cheek.
The black coffee had almost turned white from too much cream and Suguru winced at how sweet it is now. Nonetheless, he finished the coffee, or cream, before taking the empty mugs away.
“Suguru, let’s go,” Satoru said, standing up and Suguru nodded his head with a smile, knowing that they were back to their usual routine.
They both walked outside the coffee shop and into cold Christmas Eve. Their hands in each of their pockets to keep them warm.
“I told you once that I thought I was dreaming,” Satoru started, and for some reason they started walking slower. “And I said you wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”
“You can try me now, Satoru.”
“Right, I still don’t think you’d believe it though.”
“Just tell me.”
Whether Suguru believes him or not, Satoru just wanted to tell someone about that dream he always had. And more than anyone, he wanted to tell Suguru.
“Ever since the accident, I started dreaming of the same thing over and over again,” Satoru started. “In a place that’s familiar and unfamiliar to me. In a world like this yet unlike this. Then that dream started becoming more of a memory of a past I can’t recall ever living. What was strange was that, in my dream, you were always there. It’s like I knew you before I met you.”
Satoru stopped at the realization. The sidewalk was too crowded, perhaps that’s why Suguru didn’t realize it. He continues to walk ahead, just like in Satoru’s dream.
Among the crowd of people passing by, the surroundings begin to blur. And Satoru could only focus on the man in front of him. So near yet so far. So reachable yet—
“Satoru,” Suguru called when he stopped and turned around.
He’s going to walk away, is he? Satoru thought to himself. He had seen it a hundred, if not a thousand, times over.
But instead of the same sequence, like a loop where he was trapped in, Satoru watched as Suguru walked back to him.
“Am I…” Satoru started, voice no more than above a whisper. “...dreaming right now?”
“You’re not dreaming, Satoru.”
Suguru outstretched his hand and took Satoru’s hand from his pocket before he held it so tight and Satoru reacted to the touch.
“See? You’re not dreaming,” Suguru repeated. He was about to let go of Satoru’s hand when Satoru held it tighter.
“Don’t,” Satoru said, holding Suguru’s hand back. “I’m not going to let go, so don’t leave.”
“I’m not leaving.” Suguru moved to stand by Satoru’s side and adjusted his hand so his fingers interlocked with his. “And I won’t let go, let’s keep each other’s hands warmer.”
Suguru squeezed Satoru’s hand, in a way just to assure him, before his eyes found a certain fast food establishment.
“Satoru, since it’s Christmas Eve, why don’t we have fried chicken?”
Satoru looked ahead to where Suguru was looking before he looked back. “Sure!”
He tugged Suguru forward and they didn’t let go of each other’s hands even after getting inside the establishment. Despite not being able to smell or taste anything, being in that place brought a memory to Satoru, whether it was a memory of this life or a past life, it barely matters now.
After that, they both headed to a park nearby, where a lot of people went to view the light show. But it wasn’t the light show Satoru was interested in.
There it was again, Suguru thought to himself. Satoru is lost in his thoughts again, in his own world.
“Satoru,” Suguru called softly. “Coffee for your thoughts?”
Satoru turned his head to the side to look at Suguru but he realized they were so close that the tips of their noses touched.
“Good idea! Let’s go back to the coffee shop and have coffee.”
Satoru started to walk ahead. “Satoru, we already closed the coffee shop hours ago.”
Satoru stopped while Suguru walked up to him. Then he took Satoru’s hand and entwined it with his. “Let’s go to my place, I’ll make you your usual.”
Satoru’s usual order. The most bitter coffee on the menu. Suguru had memorized how it’s made now. It was the first coffee he made on his first day as a barista at that coffee shop and Satoru was his first customer that he brewed coffee for.
When he’s done preparing Satoru’s coffee, Suguru headed back to the living room where he saw Satoru looking outside the glass door leading to the balcony.
“Do you want to go outside, it might be cold though,” Suguru said, holding a mug of coffee and a glass for himself.
“Nah, let’s stay inside.”
Satoru turned around and took the mug before his eyes found the glass that Suguru’s holding. “What’s that? A glass of milk?”
“Yeah,” Suguru answered.
“For real? Milk? At your age?”
“Shut up,” Suguru said, a hint of playfulness in his voice as they sat down.
The silence engulfed them, but the silence was neither awkward nor heavy. It’s just there to comfort them, to let their thoughts wander around and when their thoughts become too loud, they seem to overlap with each other and at some point they were having the same thought.
They wonder what it would taste like if the bitter aftertaste of coffee collides with the sweet aftertaste of milk.
It didn’t take long for them to stop wondering about it, because they already found the answer.
When their lips touched each other, there was a moment when time seemed to briefly stop. And when they tilted their heads to the side, when their lips moved in sync, parting them and their tongues battled for dominance, time started moving again.
For how long the kiss lasted, neither of them had any idea. Whether it lasted for seven seconds or seven hours, it felt just the same.
“How was it?” Satoru asked, still close to Suguru, that the tips of their noses almost touch.
“Not too bitter and not too sweet,” Suguru answered. “It had the perfect aftertaste that leaves one wanting for more.”
Ever since the accident when he lost his sense of smell and taste, Satoru thought he had forgotten what sweetness tasted like. But the kiss was the best reminder of what it tasted like, because in the middle of the kiss, the perfect aftertaste that leaves one wanting for more, as Suguru said, exploded in his mouth. In that moment, the kiss deepened, and Suguru felt himself being pushed back. He did not fight it, he just let himself get pushed back more and more until his back hit the couch.
“Hey Suguru, you don’t expect this to end with just a kiss, do you?”
“What?”
Satoru brushed his hair back before he leaned down, propping his hand on the couch beside Suguru. “Wanna do it?”
“I’ve…” Suguru looked away, somehow unable to look Satoru in the eye. “...never done it with a man before.”
“Same here,” Satoru said, leaning back before he started taking his coat and shirt. “Guess we just need to figure it out. As the saying goes, when there’s a hole, there’s a—”
Before Satoru could finish the godforsaken saying, Suguru cupped his face and sealed his lips. The kiss wasn’t like the earlier one, because it was initiated to shut Satoru up before he could ruin the mood.
But the kiss is also an answer, a permission Suguru gave Satoru.
“Enough talking now,” Suguru said when he leaned back.
Sure enough, they let their bodies do the talking. Pumped with adrenaline from the coffee and high from the caffeine in his system, Satoru instantly felt the quickening of his heartbeat. His body exudes a certain heat that Suguru doubts if they will need the heater because Satoru’s warmth is more than enough to warm his body as well.
It’s so warm and comforting that he could just fall asleep in his arms.
The morning after that, the snow continued to fall. What started with a kiss also ended with a kiss, except for what happened in between.
“Coffee for your thoughts,” Suguru spoke when he noticed Satoru was lost in his own thoughts again.
He put a mug on the table and Satoru took a sip. “I was thinking about how a person can meet a stranger who feels like they’ve known each other their whole lives.”
“Maybe they do,” Suguru said. “Maybe they know each other in another life.”
“Like I’ve known you in another universe, Suguru.”
“And we meet again in this universe, Satoru.”
Now, ever since they see each other getting lost in their own thoughts, they would call out each other’s name, followed by the phrase ‘coffee for your thoughts’, and they would brew each other their favorite coffees before they share their thoughts with each other. Because they don’t want either of them to get too lost in their own thoughts.
Even if the Gojo Satoru in another life believed that there is no curse more twisted than love, the Gojo Satoru in this life believes that love does return, reincarnated in different human forms.