Work Text:
Alex has a hard time leaving in the morning, considering Henry looks the way he does in a suit.
His hair is perfectly combed and styled, and his suit is perfectly tailored to fit his frame, though loose enough to hide the exact outline of his body. His face, currently focused on buttoning his cuff links, is like that of Adonis, and it’s at times like this that Alex questions why he was ever under the illusion that he was heterosexual.
But he knows he has to go since he has to swing by June’s hotel before the event, and he can hear Zahra’s threat the night before stating that if he were to be late, she will, and he quotes: “rip your dick so far off from your body that even voyager couldn’t find it in outer space.” He would like to keep his dick, thank you very much. A dick-less existence sounds rather bleak.
He slides his wallet into the back pocket of his chinos (god forbid the White House stylist ever allows him another pants option) and grabs his phone from where it was resting on his bedside table, placing it in his left hand.
“Gotta go, baby,” he smiles into Henry’s ear, who looks up with a grin.
“See you in a bit, love.”
His phone vibrates, and he knows it’s another one of Zahra’s blatantly threatening texts. He’s really gotta get going.
As Alex reaches the door, he realizes he never got a chance to put on any foundation or concealer before the fundraiser, which is usually his job ever since he complained about the white-washing shades he’d been given, but whatever. He’s sure he’s fine.
/
In all the rush to get Alexander and June to the fundraiser, Zahra hadn’t had a chance to check either of their appearances before the red carpet. Of course, for June, this has never been an issue. But she should have inspected Alex more carefully, the little shit that he is.
Cause that hickey, resting right above Alex’s collar on the right side of his neck, is too fucking obvious to explain away.
Zahra is trying her best not to have a public mental breakdown from behind the curtain of the red carpet, but she is actively failing. What the fuck can she do about this? There’s no point in getting him off the red carpet; hundreds of photos have been taken already. Could she go to each photographer and ask them to delete their photos of him? No, that’ll just draw suspicion to him. How about contacting the magazines themselves and getting them to edit the hickey out? But the photos are being posted live to social media at this exact moment.
Shit, she’s screwed.
At the exact moment that she realizes this, Alex has finally made his way down the red carpet line and joins Zahra at the entrance to the event hall. For the sake of appearances, she only gives him a life-threatening glare that he tenses at, but she quickly ushers him deeper into the hall. Once they’re safely away from the press’ ears and locked in the powder room before the event, Zahra deems it safe to tear Alex a new one.
“ALEXANDER GABRIEL CLAREMONT-DIAZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A FUCKING HICKEY ON YOUR NECK?”
At this, Alex startles, “Hickey? What hickey?” He immediately pulls out his front camera and inspects his neck, quickly finding the offending mark with a tense “Shit.”
“Yeah fuckface, now there are HUNDREDS of photos displaying your latest CONQUEST to the world and, no doubt, MILLIONS of losers on the internet commentating on it, and there is nothing we can do to stop it! Why didn’t you put on concealer this morning?”
“Why didn’t you check my neck before I got on the carpet?!”
“Why didn’t you tell her not to SUCK at your neck?? Why did you let her suck a HICKEY into your neck, KNOWING you had an engagement in the morning? Is she fucking Dracula????"
“Well, OBVIOUSLY I didn’t know Hen-SHE left a HICKEY on my neck, or else I would have covered it up!” Alex groans, exasperated, “I’m not an idiot, Zahra.”
“Well, it sure seems it. It’s hard to forget someone SUCKING at your fucking neck, Alexander.”
Alex looks away, blushing, “Heat of the moment, I guess.”
“You better have gotten her to sign a NDA or I swear to god-“
“We have one. Ish.”
Zahra pinches her nose, “Ish isn’t good enough, Alexander.”
“Oh wow, full name. Someone’s in trouble,” June smiles, sing-songy as she enters the room. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t notice the hickey until the end of the red carpet when it was too late to do anything.”
Alex rolls his eyes, “Thanks, June, for your helpful contribution, as always.”
Zahra groans, tapping rapidly at her phone, trying to contact the rest of the First Family team, “We need to do some damage control.”
“There’s no way this is that serious, Zahra,” Alex sputters, “I’m a young, healthy guy. I’m allowed to have sex!”
“No one said you’re not allowed to have sex, Alex; it’s just the press. They’ll jump at you like bloodhounds—“
“—much like your secret girl!” June cuts in, a smug smile adorning her lips.
Alex chokes out a laugh while Zahra’s frown only grows deeper. “People are crazy, and the internet is obsessed with you. Add a hickey into the mix, and we’ve unfortunately got a scandal.”
Alex sinks into a plush velvet chair and attempts to stifle his smile (unsuccessfully). “Damn, my first sex scandal. Nice.”
“ALE—”
“—I told hi-her not to leave any marks, and she said she wouldn’t, but I can’t blame her. No one can resist this,” as he says this, he trails his fingertips from his neck to his hips, sticking out his tongue as he does so. June can’t take it anymore; she bursts into laughter.
“God, you’re so infuriating. Just,” Zahra sighs as she stalks towards the door, “get ready for People fucking magazine to analyze the angle and circumference of the hickey and for your name and the word ‘hickey’ to simultaneously trend on Twitter and don’t let your hookup say a WORD to ANYONE.”
She places a hand on the doorknob, phone clutched so tightly in her other hand’s grip that it might burst, and yells, “AND PUT ON SOME GODDAMN CONCEALER.”
She slams the door behind her and presses up against it immediately after. She does not get paid enough for this shit.
/
nikki @acdeyelashes
TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL THE RED CARPET
|
nikki @acdeyelashes
this is the Oscar’s but for chronically online mentally ill gay people
s @clarem0ntd1az
does someone have the link to the red carpet live stream
|
niko @taegiball
replying to @clarem0ntd1az
i gotchu okonjofoundation.com/events/livestreams/
|
s @clarem0ntd1az
replying to @taegiball
i owe you my life
olive 🫒 @henryobsessed
is henry gonna be at the okonjo foundation event today
|
mia @mmmiaa
replying to @henryobsessed
he’s in NYC, so i don’t see why not
ACD UPDATES ✔️ @ACD_UPDATES
Alex has arrived on the red carpet of the Okonjo Foundation’s NYC Fundraiser in support of funding health care for local youth!
[Getty Images photo of Alex on the red carpet, in a white shirt, navy suit jacket, tan chinos, and a red tie around his neck. He’s smiling widely, throwing up a peace sign. A hickey is peeking out from below his collar.]
nikki @acdeyelashes
GAHHH HE LOOKS SO GOOD
nikki @acdeyelashes
wait
nikki @acdeyelashes
IS THAT A FUCKING HICKEY?????
niko @taegiball
[meme of Alex making a 😳 face with the whisper app text atop it reading: slut]
madz @acdseyes
well that wasn’t on my 2020 bingo…
PRINCE HENRY UPDATES ✔️ @HRHHENRY_UPDATES
Prince Henry on the red carpet of the Okonjo Foundation’s NYC Fundraiser in support of funding health care for local youth.
[Getty Images photo of Henry in a black suit and pants, with a navy tie around his neck. He’s smiling pleasantly at the camera with his hands clasped behind his back.]
olive 🫒 @henryobsessed
would it hurt the royal stylists to give him some COLOR…
|
davie @hrhmins
replying to @henryobsessed
have we ever considered that the monochrome is HIS choice
|
olive 🫒 @henryobsessed
replying to @hrhmins
i choose not to consider that. ignorance is bliss <3
s @clarem0ntd1az
guys….walk with me here…what if the hickey was from his “best mate” prince henry
|
niko @taegiball
replying to @clarem0ntd1az
bff it’s gonna take a marathon of walking for me to agree with you
nikki @acdeyelashes
that shits PURPLE like whoever gave that to him was going AT IT
[Zoomed-in photo of the hickey. It is indeed very purple]
ACD UPDATES ✔️ @ACD_UPDATES
I can’t keep defending this man….
/
HRH PRINCE DICKHEAD 💩
H
you’re in your powder room right?
Yes, what’s wrong?
uhhhh welll……
[Up-Close photo of Alex’s neck, with The Hickey
front and center. It’s only turned more purple
since the red carpet]
Oh fuck
yeah….
but
is it bad to say i lowkey love it
you’re claiming me
😍😍😘😘😜😜😝😝
You are insufferable.
you don’t mean that:(
babyyyy
Miscreant.
:((((
What about the red carpet photos?
meh who cares
zahra was more concerned about getting “her” to sign a nda
you’re not gonna blab right
Alex don’t be ridiculous.
Of course I will tell Us Weekly about our steamy gay sex.
can you tell them i top it fits my image more
That’d be like if I said The Beatles were the best British band.
An egregious lie.
HEY FUCK YOU
I COULD TOP YOU
Oh?
Filing that away for later…
👀👀👀
👅👅👅👅
ooh that made a face
…
Alex.
Focus.
How are you going to explain this?
Say you and Nora got back together again?
that idea’s not half bad
ill text her rn
LOSER 👯
noraaaaaa
hi :)
is this about the hickey the size of mount everest on your neck today
that i presume your lovely prince gave to you
ding ding ding
you win a million dollars!
and let me guess.
you want us to pretend like we’re dating again to explain it away
ITS NOT A BAD IDEA
you forget the part where we have to pretend like we’re dating
that’s like such a small part
thats the WHOLE part alexander
details schmetails
PLEASE NORAAA
do it for my latent bisexuality
lgbt solidarity???!?!??!?!?!
THE B IN LGBT IS NOT A SILENT LETTER
oh shut the fuck up
noraaaa pleasee???????
[GIF of a puppy dog with massive eyes looking up, pouting.
At the bottom, in bold white font, reads, PLEASEE??]
…ugh fine
you get my consent.
ONLY FOR LIKE A MONTH, MAXIMUM PLS
dw ive already planned for us to break up in two weeks
/
PEOPLE MAGAZINE
HICKEY-GATE: FIRST SON ALEX CLAREMONT-DIAZ SHOWS UP TO NYC FUNDRAISER EVENT WITH A HICKEY ON HIS NECK
This past weekend marked the second annual Okonjo Foundation Fundraiser in New York City to raise healthcare funds for local youth. With a star-studded guest list, attendees included Olivia Rodrigo, Joey King, Timothee Chalamet, HRH Prince Henry of Wales, June Claremont-Diaz Percy Okonjo himself, and, of course, Alex Claremont-Diaz.
[Getty images photo of Alex from the event]
Dressed to the nines, Alex had an additional accessory on his skin, only it was one of a much more indecent nature: a hickey. Planted just barely above his collar, the hickey tilted downwards and was dark purple-ish, indicating that it was probably given the night before.
[Zoomed-in photo of Alex’s neck and the hickey.]
Judging by his height and surroundings, we determined the hickey to be around 1.25 inches long, and half-an-inch tall, proportions that fit the giver of said hickey: Nora Holleran.
[Zoomed-in photo of Nora’s lips, with a digital ruler superimposed horizontally and vertically reading 1.25 and 0.5, respectively.]
Alex himself confirmed our suspicions with a tweet:
Alex Claremont-Diaz @theagcd
to explain the h****y
[Selfie of Alex and Nora, cuddling, and with Alex kissing Nora’s cheek.]
Congrats to the happy couple from all of us at People Magazine 🎉
/
Zahra
Z
did you see this
peoplemag.com/hickey-gate
I did, in fact, see that Alex
THEY RLLY TALKED ABOUT THE LENGTH OF IT HAHAHAH
I’m right, as always.
Good idea, by the way with Nora
How did you get her to agree
begging
HRH PRINCE DICKHEAD 💩
did you see the article in people mag?
Yes.
You’re welcome, by the way, for the idea
are you not upset at all?
About?
the fact that nora took all the credit for your work :(
That’s ridiculous.
Of course not.
Are you?
a bit
Are you feeling a bit possessive?
Over yourself?
you’re making fun of me.
Just a bit.
You’re so cute.
😮😮😮
😏😏😏
😍😍😍
😇😇😇
Why are you speaking in code?
henry its an EMOJI
I know what an emoji is. How daft do you think I am?
Usually people use them with words.
🙅🙅🙅
😈😈😈😈
I’m turning my phone off.
NOOO BABY NOOOO
/
The hickey has healed quite nicely if Alex is to be the judge.
No longer is it a deep purple; it’s now lightened to become a pale yellow-green, and Alex knows that in a handful of days, it’ll be back to normal.
It sort of makes him want to call Henry up just to suck a new one in it’s place.
But alas, Henry is back in London, and Alex is in DC, suffering through his senior year coursework. It feels awfully homophobic of Georgetown to make him go through finals while he has an insanely hot royal boyfriend he would much rather attend to. But fucking up his finals would fuck up his plan to graduate summa cum laude which would in turn fuck up his two-year plan which would then fuck up his five-year plan which would then fuck up his ten-year plan which would then fuck up his entire LIFE.
It’s very easy to make him spiral.
He’s on his fourth coffee of the evening when there’s a knock on his door. “Alex? It’s Amy.”
“Come in!” He says, still poring over the textbook for his Constitution Law course.
Amy pokes her head in, immediately sighing as she takes in Alex’s disheveled state.
“Kid, you need to take a break.”
He looks down at his current position, where he’s lying belly-down on the floor with three textbooks laid out around him, a foot-long thermos filled with coffee to his right and a speaker to his left playing a soft hip hop playlist, a litany of highlighters and pens dotted along the floor and a currently overheating Macbook in front of him that’s plugged into a charger six-feet away from him. “I’m fine,” he frowns.
Rolling her eyes, she continues, “You have a guest.”
At this, he sits up, “Who?”
She pushes open the door and Henry steps through, still in a hoodie and sweats and carrying a duffel bag, hair finally not perfectly combed through but still perfect, and Alex immediately feels his whole existence brighten.
“Oh my god, bab-”
He’s immediately silenced by a hug, his senses overcome with all things Henry (he smells so good) and Alex feels himself melt into his touch, threading his fingers through his hair, and resting his chin on his shoulder.
“Love, you need a break.”
Alex is about to groan, adamant about his need to pass his finals, but with Henry in his arms, the beating of his heart against his, he thinks he might just agree.
But having Henry in the same room as him again has made him realize something else that he’s been craving.
“Uh, Hen?”
Henry pulls back so the pair are face-to-face and smiles, “Yeah, love?”
“Can you suck a hickey into the same spot you did two weeks ago?”
“...What?”
/
Alex Claremont-Diaz @theagcd
#hickeygate pt. 2?
[Selfie of Alex in a white muscle tee, smiling and making a peace sign while leaning back on a couch with a new hickey on his neck in the exact same spot as the first time. A small wisp of blonde hair is visible in the bottom left-hand corner.]
nikki @acdeyelashes
replying to @theagcd
AAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!!??
nikki @acdeyelashes
replying to @theagcd
Wait…..the BLONDE HAIR?!?!?! IN THE CORNER??!??!!
madz @acdseyes
replying to @theagcd
oH MY GOD ALEX???!?!?!?!?
niko @taegiball
did nora dye her hair blonde???
s @clarem0ntd1az
replying to @theagcd
the blonde hair in the corner….FUCKING WALK WITH ME GUYS
[Zoomed-in photo of Henry’s hair]
|
niko @taegiball
replying to @clarem0ntd1az
STOP BEING LITERALLY DELUSIONAL OOMF
[You have 5 Missed Calls From: Zahra]
Zahra
ALEXANDER GABRIEL CLAREMONT DIAZ
/