Chapter Text
Edward had killed her.
The full force of that truth hit him like a tidal wave, rushing over him and making the vampire weak in the knees.
What have I done?
He stared at the pale girl lying on the forest floor, her neck twisted sideways in a very unnatural angle. The teeth marks on her neck were red and swollen, a drop of blood trickling down her neck. A stark contrast to her unnervingly pale skin.
She was sucked dry. Edward had not sucked someone dry in decades.
He was a monster.
But she had been so delicious, the most intoxicating blood he had ever tasted. He had thought her smell had been heavenly, but the feeling of that thick, metallic taste filling his mouth, running down his throat, had been otherworldly.
His head cocked to the side in a nervous tick, now-red eyes turning to slits at the memory. He could still taste her on his lips.
Edward had thought he would be able to resist his singer when he eventually met them, but how Emmett described it was entirely different to the rabid need that filled him the second that girl had walked into the classroom.
He hated how his mouth still watered looking at the leftovers on the ground, the blood still dripping onto the leaves. The girl’s eyes were open, her stare vacant of any feeling. A few minutes ago, those eyes had been filled to the brim with tears, bright with fear. Had he still been human, Edward would have puked remembering the horrible look she had given him when he blotted his teeth.
He hadn’t even considered the consequences. She had been so naive, following his lead into the forest, leaving the school and all the witnesses behind without a second thought.
Edward was a horrible person. He should have killed himself. He should kill himself, he thought, taking a step away from the dead girl.
What was he going to say to the others? To Carlisle? He would be so disappointed.
Edward turned away, an uncontrollable urge to destroy something making him sprint away from the body. Within seconds, he was running, pulling up trees with him, smashing them between his hands in rage.
What was I thinking? Why couldn’t I control myself? How am I so weak?
Edward didn’t have the physical strength Emmett did. He wasn’t as skilled in combat as Jasper was. But he had prided himself in the fact he was at least as strong as Carlisle, that he could resist any human blood thrown his way. He had been so sure he could resist any temptation; a singer no more dangerous to him than a deer.
He’d been so horribly wrong. He had none of the control Carlisle did, none of the self-preservation.
I should have left, he thought as he ripped another tree up by its roots, throwing it into a nearby trunk. It had crossed his newly animalistic mind; to leave as fast as he could and not look back. He could have stayed away a few years, waited til she was long gone.
Instead, he had seduced her into following him into that godforsaken clearing. She had radiated anticipation, her fragile human heart beating loudly beneath her ribs.
It had stopped beating now.
Suddenly Edward froze. His eyes widened.
The thought made him turn, swiftly returning to the clearing where the girl was still laying undiscovered. Licking his lips, Edward lifted the body and started running.
He went deeper into the forest, so angry at himself for overlooking that huge imposition. His thirst had made him blind with need. So stupid.
The goddamn wolves. Since his family had returned to Forks, Edward knew more Quileutes had turned. He knew they were triggered by the presence of a vampire coven, but until now it had only slightly irritated him. After all, they had learned to live side-by-side.
Because of the rules.
That one important rule.
It was simple. Did he, or any of the other vampires, ever kill any human here, they would attack. The border would no longer exist, and they would be free to dispose of his family.
What if they already knew? His family could be under attack right now, and they were severely outnumbered.
Edward shook his head. No. They couldn’t. How?
He knew he was reaching. There was a fat chance some of the wolves knew this girl, or her family. If they didn’t already know by some absurd wolf instinct, they’d definitely know once she didn’t come home from school.
His nails dug into the girl’s waist, her soft skin giving way under his stone grip. It made him sick to his stomach. He couldn’t even look anymore, facing away as he ran. It was disgusting. He was so disgusting.
Edward’s irrational answer to the problem he was now faced with was to hide the body. It was pathetic, but at least it could buy him some time. Then, he’d go hunting, cover up the human smell with the smell of a bear or a cougar. It would mask the girl’s smell after he drenched his clothes in the blood.
Maybe nobody would know. Except for the fact you have blood-red eyes. Edward could not have them see his eyes like that. Contacts. He would get contacts, no matter how pathetic it was.
Only a few moments went by before he was by the cliffs, the crashing waves making the stone slippery. Edward picked up a few stones before he jumped into the water, dragging the body with him. He barely felt the icy water pierce his skin through his haze-inducing panic.
Underwater, Edward swam towards the seabed, the stones weighing him down. All around him, the world was slightly blurry. He couldn’t imagine how it would be for a human to try to see anything through all the sand floating around.
When he reached the seabed, he pushed the girl down. Her body was ominously light, floating upwards as soon as he let go.
Ripping off some strips off of his shirt, he secured the stones to her body. He put some of them in her pockets, and pushed a few stones into her gaping mouth. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as he let go, waiting to see if she would float upwards again.
She didn’t.
Edward pushed her easily through the debris coating the ground, and when the girl was safely secured underneath the surface, he swam upwards.
Emerging from the water, he wondered what the fuck he had just done.
_________
Edward went straight to his room once he’d returned, despite the fact he knew no one was home. Carlisle and Esme were likely out hunting or at work, and the others were still at school. He had made quick work of the hunt, but hadn’t felt like drinking much more. The taste of blood only reminded him of the heavenly taste of that girl’s. He tried to push the memory of her white skin torn apart by his teeth out of his mind, but it was all he saw closing his eyes. Edward had a hard time forgetting what he'd done all those years ago, but it had been decades since. Sometimes, he got flashbacks of their terrified eyes looking vacantly into empty space, their coats drenched in blood. He had managed to justify it to himself, but this girl? This murder, he wasn't sure he could live with.
The sound of a door closing downstairs snapped him out of his thoughts. Edward immediately knew who it was. Alice. Jasper was with her, but no Emmett or Rosalie. Panic flooded through him, but he pushed it down. What were they doing here? He knew they must have noticed he left, but he could easily find a plausible enough excuse for his abrupt departure.
Within seconds, the couple was standing in the doorway. Edward turned, judging by their current thoughts that they didn't know. Because his decision had been a spur-of-the-moment, Alice wouldn't have been able to see it. That way, he'd been safe from her gift. When he had decided to hunt the girl, he hadn't thought of the consequences, but now he was grateful for his quick decision. Had he pondered it, Alice would have known, and he would've been the cause of their family's leave—had they managed to run before the wolves figured it out.
With the girl buried deep underwater, he hoped she would stay hidden. There was no reason to connect him to the disappearance, and as far as he knew, his family didn't know he'd met his singer. For the time being, he intended to keep it that way, did they not catch onto the smell.
Edward met Jasper's eyes, and Jasper's head cocked to the side. He knew something was wrong. Edward hadn't been able to hide his agitated state, and Jasper was curious. What's wrong? Jasper asked silently. Why did you leave?
"You left so suddenly, we wondered where you'd gone," Alice said. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Have you been hunting? And what’s up with your eyes?"
Edward nodded. "Yes." He decided to stick as close to the truth as possible. "There was a student with particularly... intoxicating blood. It's been a while since we last hunted, so I couldn't stay."
Edward heard Alice think out her question before she asked it, What is that sweet smell?
"What's that sweet smell?" Alice's nose scrunched up.
He froze, Jasper watching him intently. Edward heard him latch onto the scent, the word human immediately filling his mind.
Jasper smiled slightly. "A student with 'particularly intoxicating blood'?"
Edward frowned. He was unsure how to proceed. He suppressed a wince as he heard the crash of Alice's thoughts as she realized.
"But..." she looked from him to Jasper, confused. "I should've seen that."
Jasper shook his head. "No. He hadn't planned it."
Edward said nothing. He did not want to elaborate.
"You met your singer."
Alice’s eyes shot to Jasper. "That's why you're so agitated," he continued.
Within seconds Alice was inches from him. Her hands shot forward and in a rather unpleasant gesture, removed his contacts. “Edward…”
He bowed his head, overwhelmed by a fresh wave of shame and humiliation.
Edward had not wanted them to know, but he knew Alice and Jasper wouldn’t tell. They were as interested in the coven’s safety as he was, and they had to be even more wary of the wolves—Alice could not see them in her visions. Coupled with the fact that the wolves were designed to destroy vampires, it made them a serious threat.
”The new student,” Alice said. “The girl in the cafeteria, asking about us.”
Edward could hear her thoughts churning, trying to put the pieces together. Seeing her thoughts, he saw her imagining him attacking the girl, ripping out her throat, blood spurting everywhere. She quickly pushed that mental image away, seeing Edward’s despair.
“It felt different,” Edward said. “I was drawn to her blood like no other. It was confounding.” He couldn’t meet Alice’s eyes. The thought crossed her mind; I thought he was impenetrable. Edward pretended not to hear.
Jasper quirked an eyebrow. “What did you do?”
Edward frowned, before Jasper continued soundlessly, ‘with her.’
Shame filled him at the image that spun up: the girl underwater, mouth full of stones, covered in sand and debris. He really was undeserving of this life.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.”
Alice nodded. “It’s alright, Edward. We didn’t bash Emmett, why would we behave differently to you?”
”I’m older,” Edward growled, suddenly angry. Alice’s easy acceptance of his murder was infuriating, somehow. He tried to calm himself before he continued, “I am supposed to know better.”
”We’re all supposed to know better, Edward.” Jasper shrugged. “What’s done can’t be undone. What is important is to make sure no one gets a whiff of this.”
Alice gasped. “The treaty!”
“I was so consumed with that godforsaken thirst, I didn’t think before I acted.” Edward’s hands curled into fists. “I broke the treaty. If the wolves know, they have every right to drive us out.”
”Or tear us apart,” Alice said, twirling her necklace. “We should tell Carlisle and Esme.”
“No!” Edward said, hurriedly continuing at their questioning looks. “I cannot tell Carlisle.”
Edward wished Jasper would stop staring into his soul. He could hear Jasper’s thoughts loudly, and the second he pinpointed Edward’s shame, he cocked his head and said, “I wouldn’t have thought a century-year-old vampire would be afraid of being a disappointment.”
Alice gave Jasper a condescending stare, before she turned back to him. “Jasper has a point, Edward. Nobody here is going to judge you.”
If he looked at this from a rational point of view, Edward could see where Alice was coming from. He didn’t feel rational.
”I need some air.”
Alice reached out for him, but Jasper stopped her. As he leaped out of the window, he heard Jasper say, “Let him go. His feelings are all over the place, some time alone will do him good.”
He couldn’t see her, but he knew Alice nodded.
For once, Edward wasn’t sure Jasper was right. Alone with his thoughts, he could only see the girl’s frightened eyes, her open mouth about to say something. The wonderful feeling of her blood in his mouth, sweeter than anything he’d ever tasted. For a second, he wished…
Shameful, Edward pushed the thought away. What he’d done was a horrible thing.
Despite that, he wished he could experience it all over again.