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The thing with the matching Christmas Sweaters
With great care, Zelda lifted the neckline of her Christmas sweater over her styled tresses and her make-up. She had spent an hour on this, she wouldn't ruin everything now. A well-practiced motion freed the long curls out of the sweater. She shook them out, fixing a stubborn strand with a tiny bobbin pin that would — hopefully — be invisible in the photos.
"Zel?" Link shouted up from the stairs. "Do you need any help? There’s half an hour until the photographer is here."
"Just a minute!"
She heard him laugh downstairs. He knew too well that one of her minutes meant ten of his. "I'm going to check the porch. We don't want the newspaper boy to ruin the pictures with a special edition we overlooked."
Zelda smiled and breathed onto the diamond ring on her left hand, polishing it with the inner facing of her sweater. Link might pretend to shrug all the ruckus she made for their engagement photos off, but the truth was, he was just as nervous and excited as she was.
The mirror in her old bedroom reflected how she kneaded her curls one last time. The air was crisp and dry outside and posed no threat to her styling. She turned, scrutinizing the dark fabric of her sweater for loose hairs or strains of makeup.
The matching sweaters for the photos had been Link's idea. Zelda stroked over the fine tuft of the elegant reindeer and the italicized 'Yes!' on top of it. Grinning, she pressed the hidden button in the belly of the animal, and an awful version of the song 'Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer' rang out, accompanied by wild blinking lights. She suspected Link had only agreed on this specific sweater because of this little gimmick — all the others he had proposed had been a lot more… colorful. Either that, or they were of dubious humor, showing off his passion for always going for the worst pun. And no, whilst they both were very convinced about getting married, 'Snow brainer' was not what she wanted to wear in her engagement announcement pictures.
"Uh, Zel? The porch is fine, but… could you take a look at this, please?"
Zelda smacked her lips one last time to give her lipstick the perfect gloss and went downstairs. Link awaited her standing next to the couch, his eyes sparkling.
"Oh, wow." His smile grew. "So cute! Can you please marry me, love?" He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close, carefully kissing her cheek and not her painted lips.
Giggling, Zelda pushed herself a bit out of his grip, circling the 'Yes!' on her sweater.
"Ok, that's good because I can't stop thinking about you."
"Oh? The naughty or the nice kind of thoughts?" She whispered close to his ear, coaxing him to squeeze her butt in response. "Both," he rasped, shifting his hand up and under the hemline of her sweater, grazing the skin just above the waistband of her jeans with a single finger. "Just like you."
"Link!" She laughed, grasping his wrists. "The photos! My dad will come down any second, too."
"Oh, about that." Link sobered immediately. "That's why I called you. Here, look at this."
He detangled them and pointed at something green spread over the sofa.
Zelda stared at the item as if it was the moon falling to earth. A dark green sweater, decorated with a white, jumping reindeer, cross-stitched snowflakes all over, and 'Yes!' written in the upper corner. Stupefied, her gaze dropped to her own, then bounced to Link's sweater. "Did you buy a spare one, just in case you get sauce all over it again?"
"Haha. But no, it's 3XL."
The green, the reindeer, the 'Yes!' — it was the exact same sweater and Zelda couldn't stop gawking at it. How did it get here? She had spent hours scrolling through the big shops and only a dozen half-heartedly opened tabs later, had she finally found these treasures in a small online boutique.
"Uh, Zel?" Link put a light hand on her back. "I guess your dad… thought it would be fun if we… all had the same sweater."
"But how…?"
"Didn't you send him a link because you got all excited about how well the colors fitted his new outdoor couch on the porch?"
The realization hit her like a pyramid of chocolate Santas collapsing over her. Of course, she had done exactly that and now her dad was going to ruin their engagement photos! Her dad wasn't malicious, not exactly, but he had a terrible habit of putting himself in the limelight and with that degrading everyone else into the shadows. And that was not what she wanted for the pictures taken to announce her happiness to their friends and wider family.
"Ok, not good," she hissed, snatching the big sweater from the couch. "What are we going to do? He'll be here any second now."
Link scratched his nape, bringing more space between them due to her sudden change in tone. "Well, we're just going to tell him that we don't want him to wear the sweater for the photos? He could wear it for dinner later, I don't mind it that much."
Crumpling the soft-knitted fabric in her hand, Zelda solemnly shook her head. "If he went out of his way to get the sweater, nothing and nobody will convince him not to wear it."
"Uh… we could ask the photographer to frame it so that he can't wear it? Maybe?"
Zelda barked a laugh. "You think a photographer will convince Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule to change his outfit? No. We need to get rid of it. Now." Frantically, she looked around. Under the couch? No, that would be the first spot he would look for it. In the cupboard? Too tiny. What about the dusty corner under the stairs? If he found it there, he wouldn't only wear the same sweater, it would be dirty all over, too. No, that wouldn't work!
She grabbed Link's arm, tightening her fingers around his biceps. "Link! Where? We’re running out of precious little time!!"
Link put his hands on her shoulders, a grave expression on his face. "Watch the stairs and warn me if he's coming. And don't turn around, ok?"
"Link?"
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, squeezing her shoulders, and sending her off. "Do as I say. Trust me."
And of course, trust was the basis of their relationship, so she took a position halfway up the stairs.
Not one unusual sound came from behind her. A decades-old Christmas song wavered from the kitchen radio through the living room, the fireplace crackled, and a bypassing car needed to get its exhaust pipe replaced. She held her breath as long as she could. What was he doing? Maybe he just put it under his. Oh, that would be smart! Then again, Link wore an S, with how lanky and wiry he was, how would he hide a 3XL sweater under that skimpy bit of fabric?
"Okay," he whispered from downstairs and she swirled around, jumping down the last two steps.
"Where?" She half-panted, but he only laid his index finger on his lips.
Nothing in the room seemed off. Nothing seemed to have moved at all. All cupboards were firmly shut, the cushions on the sofa hadn't moved an inch, and even the carpet was as flat as ever. Where was the damned thing?
Suddenly, Link's eyes widened, and then she heard it, too.
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose…
…rang out from somewhere behind him.
Zelda's hands flew to her mouth, covering up a shriek. She pushed him aside. That couldn't be true, right? Okay, she had said they needed to get rid of it, but… She ran over to the fireplace, just in time to hear the song shift into a drawn-out beeping. Bright flames ate away at the remnants of the fabric, quickly turning it into a pile of ash. A biting smell of molten plastic lingered and Zelda coughed, waving her hand in front of her face.
Link pulled her away from the fumes and Zelda twisted around, landing with her flat hands on his chest, hissing, "There's a battery in there, are you crazy?"
He cracked a lopsided grin, enveloping her hands with his. "I might have forgotten about the blinking and singing, sorry…"
"Zelda?" Oh damn! That was her father calling from upstairs! "Zelda!"
"Yes?" Zelda wrapped her arm around Link and pulled him closer, effectively covering the scene of the crime.
"Have you seen my Christmas sweater? I organized it so that mine would be the same as you guys. I thought it would be a nice touch for the photos, but I can't find it anywhere.``
"Oh!" Zelda laughed, nearly matching her usual tone. "What a nice idea! No, sorry, I haven't seen it anywhere."
One, horrifying beep rang out behind them, but Link, always the quick thinker, pressed his sweater, humming along, "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose." He raised his gaze and shrugged. "Me neither, sorry."
"Well…" Her father sighed. "I think the photographer has arrived, you should just start. I'll join you as soon as I find it. A Christmas sweater doesn't go up in smoke, does it?"
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer," rang from two sweaters, slightly mismatched, covering up a row of snorts.
A Christmas sweater going up in smoke? Never heard of.
