Chapter Text
Saving Floyd was a dangerous yet Exhilarating experience but it had left a deep Exhaustion in all the brothers as they all rested into each other trying to figure out the next steps. maybe the reality was they wanted to make sure no one else was hurt but who's counting that. the brothers were finally together and together should be happy ..right?
The obvious was to leave the place that almost killed their brother obviously. It was scary thinking they almost lost him they thought he was gone. It hurt too much to even think. for once luck was on their side luckily. no one wanted to say it but if they went all the way out there and tried their best only for Floyd to die... who knows what would have happened? (John knows he would have gone feral again branch thinks he might have dulled in color Bruce thinks he'd cry a lot losing a baby brother he was supposed to be there for and Clay well Clay wasn't sure what he would do for someone so pessimistic and plan precise he didn't know what to do )
On the way back to the Pop village which seemed like the safest place for the hurt and panicking Floyd. originally Vacay Island was going to be the stop until it was reminded branch was the one with room for everyone. so with a pit stop at Vacay Island, the brother went back to Pop Village
( branch said he had a room ready for Floyd [ this reminded all the older siblings of the knowledge gained. Baby branch had made a bunker designed for them with rooms designed for each brother but no one wanted to touch that now it seemed to have a lot attached such as their grandma's death that had been recently learned ])
The long quiet trip brought many ideas and wonders into all the brothers wondering what the other was doing? and what life was like. did they also miss their brother they all had the same questions yet no one spoke on it. 20 years anything can happen in 20 years yet, this was a family that felt like a group of strangers. 20 years anything can happen yet not once did the brothers think the other was thinking of how long 20 years was. As time went on in the trip and the brother got more comfortable they started talking more about life they talked more about their passions and small random talk trying to reconnect with each other. Reconnecting was hard when you didn't know anything but the past about each other
Maybe it was the atmosphere for asking silly questions maybe it was the touchy-feely mood but something shifted. It was thanks to Poppy and Viva's sisterly connecting their silence that made them want to talk to each other like that. the sisters had been scrapbooking and learning more about each other since the moment the trip started. so while it was long and quiet for the brother you could still hear the sisters giggling in the silence. the moment Poppy noticed the brothers were quiet she started asking them questions like favorite colors and favorite songs and it got the communication ball rolling.
All the brothers could think was Man did Branch find a keeper she does so much and supports him so much their perfect for each other. it was cute to Floyd he loved the romance his sensitive nature made him tear up thinking about the possibility of Branch getting married and him almost missing it. Bruce could just think Branch had gotten his good taste in women and would live happily with his version of Bruce's brandy. clay thought it was cute his brother hadn't had to live in fear every day like he did he was getting love. john couldn't stop thinking about the haunted memory of someone his bothers knew nothing about his memory hit him with two pictures leaving a bitter heartbreaking feeling behind.
John was trying his best with the name changes and the personality changes but it felt like too much. Why was he the one with the most hate? Why couldn't they have stayed the same? It's harder to be the perfect older brother who cares for everyone when you don't even know them .nah who am I kidding they don't know me either so shouldn't that give me a pass? Anything to work with would have been nice but nooooo everyone stayed mad at me about the last show we did on tour.
While I admit I shouldn't have pushed I was just overwhelmed and shouldn't have pushed or caused hurt to my baby brothers like that.
how can I be perfect when I make big mistakes like that ...mistakes that separate us for years only to come together because someone almost died that doesn't mean they should have ignored me the way they did IT HURT. it hurt so much it felt so unfair.
I love them and I love Branch but it felt like they hated me. It felt like Baby Branch was more important instead of on equal grounds as brothers missing brothers.
I get missing the baby but what about me the older the protector the provider was it only me who saw me like that then? was I nothing? To be discarded like a dirty napkin.
I can't be hated I was just trying to do what's good for them they just never understand me. Maybe age and time were what made us different, and maybe they'll never understand me....it's sad but I'm fine with that because I love my brothers ....my first babies but I can't live like this pretending to be happy while thrown to the side like nothing only to be mocked while the others bond without me. I can't take it.
I think maybe I'll go home I have people waiting for me there anyway. Those people I know love Me for me and would never hate me or treat me like dirt the way my brothers do. Maybe I wasn't perfect and that's why I'm still nothing. I could ask but I feel like using the word perfect will just get me in trouble. I've been walking eggshells around my brothers they lash out about everything when it comes to me.
All I can think is maybe Clay saying oh typical John dory isn't wrong was I going back to being the hated John dory no no I changed no i thought I changed no no I had changed I was loveable now ...I was different I can't be the same I just can't...I hate John dory and I know my brothers do too, so I can't go back to being like John dory No one liked John dory he was ugly and nasty and his personality ran everyone he loved off. I guess I forgot I wasn't John dory anymore until I had brothers to look for so I tried to go back to something they would recognize.
John needed to leave and he needed to go fast