Chapter Text
For once in the two years Woodstone B&B had been open, Sam was happy to say, the hotel was full. And it should be, they had heavily discounted the rooms for a Valentines month special just for this. They were putting their best foot forward in the hopes that word of mouth (and word of yelp) would finally put the B&B on the map.
Suffice it to say Sam had a lot on her plate this Valentines season, and a lot on the room-service plate she was delivering to Gerald and Sasha in the maple suite.
“Sam!” Pete says in her ear, “I heard one of the guests talk about a new star-wars show, can we get Disney Plus?”
“ooooo can we Sam!” Flower says happily, “Thor can watch Finding Nemo 2, Finding… ooooo I know this one. I’m going say Finding Fred?”
Sam rolls her eyes. She never expected ghosts to be so expensive, but here we are. Sam juggles the breakfast tray as she knocks on the door to the guest room.
“Come in!” chime the guests from the other side of the door. And Sam pushes open the door to see Gerald and Sasha at the small bistro table by the cozy fire.
“Sam!” Flower says in her other ear, “Did you know Thor and I have been a couple for a whole year now!”
“That is so exciting Flower…. “ Sam says out-loud, catching herself as the guests stare at her as though she had grown a second head, “Free pancakes! Yep an exciting and gluten free breakfast.”
“Jay makes gluten free pancakes now?” Pete muses.
“But we aren’t gluten free?” Sasha says.
“Uuuuhhh,” Sam stalls, “but here at Woodstone B&B we take allergies very seriously, so if one of our guests has an allergy, we make sure the kitchen is free from that ingredient.”
“That is very thoughtful,” Gerald says taking a bite of the breakfast, “and very delicious.”
“Yep,” Sam says, “You can’t ever tell that flour was banned from the kitchen.”
“I’m banned from the kitchen,” Flower cries as she runs away.
Sam immediately feels bad, “No Flower...” she yells after the hippie girl, before turning back to the guest, “In the kitchen, none at all."
Sam shoots Pete a glace and Pete smiles and nods. “I’ll take care of her, Sam.”
“I’m sorry sleeping on the couch has caused you so much pain my love,” his darling Nigel, utters in his ear as his fiancé works his hands up Isaac's spine in agonizing delight.
“Its fine,” Isaac moans, just as Nigel touches one particular spot on his neck. It feels far greater than fine, wonderful even, beyond anything Isaac had ever imagined a back-rub could be. He was obsessed, addicted, entranced by the simple touches Nigel had to offer him.
“I hate seeing you so sore, Isaac,” Nigel says.
Truth be told, Isaac's back did hurt after the first night he and Nigel were forced to give up the Maple suite and resorted to sleeping on the couch. However, Isaac had adapted to couch sleeping rather quickly. Another thing he had adapted to rather quickly, was Nigel’s amazing back-rub skills. Isaac had experienced thousands of back-rubs and yet, even the smallest touch of his fiancés hands on him, was pleasurable in a way, even the most skilled masseuse couldn’t replicate.
So, every morning for the last week, Isaac would wake up and moan while rubbing his shoulders, and without fail, Nigel would offer to help. And help he did. Wow did Nigel help. It was though Nigel was massaging his soul, each touch bringing him closer and closer to being sucked off.
Isaac had experienced so many back-rubs in his time on earth, and but for some reason it was different with Nigel. Somehow, it felt deeper, more impactful, that his fiancé’s touch was something more. But that was just silly, Nigel must just be a better masseuse.
“Hopefully there will be less guests here after Valentine’s week,” Nigel says as he digs his fingers into Isaac's lower back, “and we can return to sharing a bed together.”
“Yeah,” Isaac mutters, truth be told he was having trouble paying attention at all, his mind collapsed into mush under the magnificent ministrations of his man. Nigel pushes into that spot on his lower back again and Isaac whole body shudders in the feeling.
Sharing a bed was lovely, but with sharing a bed came a lot of expectations of activities that Isaac isn’t sure he is ready for yet. It’s not that Isaac hasn’t enjoyed sleeping along-side his fiancé, it was nice being close, but there was always that twinge of guilt that they weren’t closer. But all that disappeared when they were sleeping near to each other, but not next to each other.
More importantly however, he can’t imagine what it will be like, to lose these back-rubs every morning. His lovely Nigel pressing into his body, he couldn’t live without it, he was hopelessly addicted. But without the guise of a sore back, there would be no reason for his fiancé to massage him, no way for Isaac to feel like this.
Isaac sighs, he may as well enjoy this while he can and hope he can find some kind of solution.
Nigel inhales the smells of the delicious Valentines Day brunch Jay had prepared. Nigel hadn’t seen a full English breakfast since his sister’s debutante, and it smelt nearly as good as he remembers. The bacon could use some work, but as with all things, the American version was simply inferior to the British.
“mmm boar belly,” Thor says as he inhales the meaty aromas.
“I’ve never eaten bacon,” Trevor says, “but it smells pretty good.”
“I have but once partaken of the flesh of the swine,” Hetty says, “At Elias’s and I’s 10th wedding anniversary celebration. I despised its flavor, or perhaps that was the salty taste of marriage?”
“haha,” Thor chuckles, “Elias is salty pig, just like boar.”
Nigel had observed Elias on many occasions, and agreed, he was a putrid man. Though he was quite sexually adventurous so overall most certainly worth watching.
“Speaking of anniversary,” Thor says, somewhat more sheepishly than was typical, “Is Thor and Flower anniversary tomorrow, so was wondering if Trevor might leave room, give Flower and Thor alone time.”
Trevor hums, “Sure, for 100 back-rubs.”
“Done!” Thor agrees.
“One can purchase a room for the night with back-rubs?” Nigel asks, he hadn’t really engaged much in the currency of the mansion ghosts, he hadn’t yet seen any reason to. The group of ghosts nodded and Nigel smiled; Isaac had been so sore recently, and with the hotel being fully booked for the next 2 weeks, his fiancé deserved a reprieve from the settee. “Henrietta, may I rent your suite for 100 back-rubs? I surely could gather enough currency if I were to give out back-rubs all day.”
Hetty let out a really quite unnecessarily condescending laugh, which was echoed by her fellow ghosts.
“Hetty is the undisputed 1% of back-rubs,” Trevor explains. Nigel simply gives him a confused look.
“Hetty has thousands of back-rubs,” Thor explains, “you will need many more to buy room.”
“Well how many would I need to acquire?” Nigel asks.
“Hmmm One Thousand,” Hetty says smirking.
“One Thousand back-rubs,” Nigel exclaims, “I have but two hands, how could I possibly acquire such a fortune?”
“That is not my problem,” Hetty says.
“Thor could use back-rub,” Thor says, “limber up for big night with Flower.”
“Nice to know my hands will go to a good cause,” Nigel says rolling his eyes and reaching up to rub Thor's shoulders.
Hetty and Trevor turn to leave, but not before Trevor gives him a friendly pat on the back, “There you go buddy, only 999 to go.”
There was one advantage to the B&B being full, at least according to Sass, and that was guest drama. Yes, some people came to the B&B to have a nice relaxing weekend, but some people used it to save a relationship, or to apologies for infidelities or even, to engage in illicit affairs.
“See those two,” Alberta says pointing at two middle aged men indulging in Jays welcome drinks, “brothers.”
One of the men give the other one a lingering hug, and Sass is certain that she is wrong.
“No way,” Sass says, “look at them hug, absolutely a couple.”
Alberta gives him a look, “Nah, these boys are family.”
“Wanna bet,” Sass says, there is no way she is right, “They are a couple for 100 back-rubs.”
“Deal.”
A distinctly British cough echoes from behind them, “Perhaps they are both?” Nigel says, “may I join in this friendly wager?”
Sass scoffs. What kind of lunatic would bet 100 back-rubs on incest? “Can you even barter? You have no back-rubs?”
Nigel’s eyes darted back and forth, “I have Isaac’s, we are engaged after all.”
“Did he tell you that….” Alberta says clearly as suspicious as Sass is.
“Yes….”
“Well good enough for me,” Sass says.
“He is clearly lyin’,” Alberta points out. And obviously Nigel is lying. The man is as suspicious as John Smith.
“I know,” Sass says looking directly at the nervous Nigel, “it will be so much drama when Isaac finds out.”
“Sounds like we have a deal?” Nigel says cautiously, to Alberta nodding.
Sass smirks and nods. Isaac will be so mad when Nigel looses 100 back-rubs, especially on something as frivolous as a bet. Sass hopes he can be the one to tell Isaac, think of the drama!
“Hi Bert and Ernie, I hope you are enjoying your stay,” Sam says walking up to the duo happily, who nod at her, “Your mum called to ask if you two arrived safely, may I tell her you are both here.”
Both men laugh, “Yeah tell mum we got here,” one of the men says, “She really has to get used to calling mobile numbers.”
“Hell yeah, I knew it!” Sass says, and Alberta scoffs. Sam smiles happily at the guests and skips back over to the front desk.
“That poor woman is going to be so confused when she realizes we asked for a double bed,” the other man says.
What?
“Oh please,” the man replies, “every gay porn ever made is about hooking up with your step-brother, its practically a modern cliché. Even quaint suburban woman like that knows about it.”
“Still,” he replies, “maybe we should just say we are married? To explain the same last name.”
“What?” the brother replies, “Tartaglia-Lyon isn’t a common family name?”
“You are such a dick.”
“You like my dick, wanna check out the room?”
Sass watches in complete horror as the couple/brothers leave to ‘check out’ the room. This was absolutely insane! Of all things to lose a bet to…
“What the jazz?” Alberta exclaims, “Gay stepbrothers being a couple??? Whoever heard of such a thing?”
Nigel seems way more excited about winning 200 back-rubs than Sass ever thought possible, “So, which guests shall we wager on next?”
The basement panic room echoes with the sounds of moans and groans as Trevor pleasures Hetty. Ordinarily Hetty was VERY responsive to his ministrations, but today she was only responsive. Had Trevor lost his game. No, he was sexy as ever, something must be wrong with Hetty.
“Hey,” Trevor says as he removes his tongue from Hetty’s thighs, “Is something wrong?”
“How dare you stop without permission,” Hetty demands, before sighing, “I was thinking about Nigel.”
Yuck, that was enough to ruin anyone’s mood (except maybe Isaac's).
“Sass informs me he has been acquiring a vast wealth of back-rubs,” Hetty says.
“Well dah,” Trevor says, “Dude has been sleeping on the library armchair for a week, he wants a bed, plain and simple.”
“Its not what he wants to use it for,” Hetty dismisses, “It is how stead-fast he is acquiring wealth, and he is engaged to Isaac, a man wealthy in back-rubs.”
Trevor chuckles, “You think Nigel is a back-rub-digger. I think you are over-complicating this.”
“Maybe, however Sass says he has been flaunting his new found wealth with frivolous barters on Isaac's dime.”
“That is a bit suspicious,” Trevor can admit. If Nigel wanted a bed to sleep in, he could probably just use the basement room they were banging in.
“Nigel cannot be allowed to use his new wealth, not matter the cost,” Hetty responds, “We need to nip this in the bud.”
Trevor nods.
Hetty smiles widely, “Speaking of nipping the bud, get back down there Trevor.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Nigel really didn’t mind sleeping in the library, it was warm and familiar, and surrounded by so many wonderful books. It reminded him of the times he would sleep in the library at boarding school to avoid the other boys. He even found the couch rather comfortable, even though he had given Isaac that sleeping place and he himself was resigned to the arm chair. But not tonight. Tonight, Nigel was on a reconnaissance mission.
He snuck into guest room after guest room, to learn more and more interesting facts about Woodstone’s latest boarders. See, Nigel was an apt people watcher, but he was not that good. He was only aware those two gentlemen were brothers and lovers when he saw them kissing outside the manor and caught a glimpse of their IDs when Sam was checking them in.
But he couldn’t rely on dumb luck to win him another 799 back-rubs before tomorrow evening, no, for that he needed insider information about the guests. Was he invading on Sass and Alberta's friendly game. Yes, however, they had years to acquire back-rubs and Nigel needed to be able to properly support his darling Isaac.
Anything for his fiancé.