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Ava hated everything right now. She knew people were trying, Yasmine and the other medical students who were here to help her were doing their best to accommodate her, but there simply wasn't much they could do. Shannon had also come and tried to help, but even though she had promised to see whether the rehabilitation center could offer support in some way, at that point it didn't make anything better. It didn't change the fact that Ava felt like crap from this annoying flu that had brought with it a throat infection and it certainly didn't change that she couldn't talk. The doctor that had been called yesterday had warned her against using her voice at all, saying she could damage her vocal chords irreparably if she did.
Which was the last thing she wanted, but not being able to talk was horrible. Even when she knew this wasn't the orphanage, this wasn't a scenario in which she talked and talked and nobody listened, it still sucked. In just over half a year Ava had gotten used to her wishes being heard and accommodated, to people actually listening when she talked, to her voice giving her the agency she had always craved.
And now that had been taken away from her. Sure, when the nurses did their usual routines, they were trying to ask her yes and no questions to which she could nod or shake her head, but not everything could be communicated that way. Yesterday night, she had cried herself to sleep in Mary's arms silently because she couldn't relate which movie she wanted to watch. And as much as Mary knew her well, she had been in the mood for something different than usual, something comforting and happy and nostalgic.
Mary had gone through a list of movies they had watched together and then a list of movies she thought Ava would like and even a list of Disney movies but she didn't manage to guess the one Ava wanted to watch. Even Yasmine had helped, trying to guess too, but it hadn't worked. In the end, they had settled on Encanto, which was fine, but Ava really would have loved to watch The Princess Diaries.
She knew it was ridiculous, she didn't even care about the movie too much, it had just been a whim. But being unable to communicate what she wanted made her feel like she was back under Sister Frances' regime, back to being ignored and discarded. It had made her frustrated, angry and scared and in the end, she had spent half the movie crying. It wasn't fair to Mary to expect her to understand and Ava could tell she was just as frustrated and sad as Ava in the end but Ava really didn't know what to do.
Today morning, she had barely been able to react to Yasmine at all, physically and emotionally too exhausted. Thankfully, Yasmine had understood and just chatted away as usual, telling Ava every move she made and not taking Ava's lack of reaction personally. Since she wasn't going to class today, because she was still too sick to attend, Ava would spend most of the day in bed, which was also something she hated, but it was too exhausting for her to switch to her wheelchair at the moment.
When Yasmine was finished, she asked Ava if she'd want her to stay, but Ava shook her head. Knowing that she couldn't talk made Ava want to be alone rather than having to try and communicate what she wanted. Yasmine understood, smiled at Ava and told her she'd be in the room next door and to press her call button when she needed something. Ava tried to smile back but felt like it just turned out miserable.
She told herself that this was not forever, just for a few more days, at maximum two weeks from what the doctor said. It didn't help too much but at least it meant she could be sure this wouldn't be her new normal, which would be horrible. Lying back down, trying to ignore how much her throat hurt and her head, knowing the painkillers Yasmine had given her would kick in soon, Ava tried her hardest not to feel terrible sorry for herself, but she didn't succeed much.
Part of her really wished Mary would come in to visit her before classes as usual just to be comforted, but another part didn't want her here, knowing she would just feel as bad as Ava for not being able to communicate. Either way, as the big clock on Ava's wall showed, Mary was already late and Ava was starting to wonder whether she would avoid her after yesterday night, which made her feel even worse. But she knew Mary wouldn't just abandon her. They had been through so much together, they were sisters in every meaningful sense of the word.
Before her brain could tell her otherwise, her bad thoughts very close to the surface right now, she heard someone in the corridor. Right now her door was open since she wasn't able to ask people in and this had proven less frustrating for her. Relief but also anxiety flooded her when she saw Mary at the door. Relief because Mary had indeed not abandoned her, instead looking at her with a soft smile, her hands held behind her back. Anxiety because Ava really wanted to say hello as usual but couldn't and it nearly made her burst into tears again.
Mary came up to the bed now, but instead of greeting Ava with her usual pat on the head, she grinned widely and tilted her head.
"Morning, baby girl," Mary said and Ava tried to smile, feeling like it was turning out a little better than her attempt with Yasmine but not being sure. Mary now looked a bit more serious and nodded at Ava's probably quite sad face. Ava was also now starting to get confused because Mary had still not touched her and that was unusual. And right now, she felt like she really needed it. "I know you don't feel great right now and I understand that not being able to talk is making it even worse, so, I have something for you." Finally bringing her hands in front of her, revealing what looked like a simple usb stick, albeit a little bigger, Mary grinned again, holding the small device up. "This will speak for you."
Ava was confused, not really understanding, but Mary explained that there was software that enabled eye tracking on her computer, something Shannon had helped her get from the rehabilitation center. She pulled up the robotic arm holding Ava's computer set up that was voice controlled, since Ava still didn't have much strength in the two fingers she could move. In the last few days she hadn't even wanted it, knowing she couldn't operate it anyways.
But now Mary turned it on and plugged in the usb device. When it booted up, Mary held out an arm towards Ava in a clear question and Ava nodded, sighing when Mary settled in next to her, caressing Ava's cheek. Leaning into Mary's hand, Ava already felt better even when she still didn't know how this would work. Finally, the booting was finished and the software ready. Mary explained how she should look onto the letters of a screen keyboard to form words that then would be said out loud by a computer generated voice.
After a few trial and errors, Ava managed to say 'hello' and felt like crying, glad that Mary was already next to her because she really needed that contact. Being very emotional didn't help much with the eye tracking but eventually Ava got the hang of it and they had what felt like an actual conversation. It made Ava feel a whole lot better than she had in the last few days. Especially when she actually managed to finally convey which movie she wanted to watch and Mary promised to come back right after class for them to do so.
Before she left, Mary taught Ava how to use the eye tracking software to play simple games, watch movies or read – she also cheekily suggested that Ava could do homework now, but Ava suddenly felt far too bad for that, even though she was still grinning. Mary shook her head in mock disappointment but her smile was far too affectionate for it to be in any way effective, only making Ava grin more.
Mary kissed Ava's forehead, running her hand through her hair affectionately and smiling softly, then saying goodbye and leaving Ava to her devices, feeling a lot better than she had five minutes ago. Ava spent the next few hours perfecting her use of the eye tracking software, playing games and watching things, Yasmine coming every now and then to check on her, getting her water or snacks and finally having a conversation again.
When Mary came back after class, Ava was in a much better mood than before and settling in to watch The Princess Diaries, she leaned her head into Mary's shoulder and smiled up at her happily. It was truly amazing to her that she had people in her life now that supported her, that helped her instead of dismissing her. Even though this was just temporary, it felt great to be seen. To be heard. In whatever way possible.