Chapter Text
In a wonderful twist of fate, on the way back from a nighthunt, Liu Qingge passes by the Luo river.
He's covered from head to toe in monster gore, focused completely on wiping down cheng luan. It wasn't a particularly hard nighhunt, but it had been a gross one. In fact, it had been a mission originally assigned to the flighty Shang Qinghua, who'd disappeared that morning. Probably better he'd done it, though. he'd gotten it done much faster; hence why he was already on the way back, by the Luo River.
Liu Qingge prides himself on his excellent, battle-honed senses; but when he starts to hear a loud, shrill noise, his first instinct is to check his own ears.
Of course, it's not his ears. It's the very loud, very panicked wailing of the beet-red baby floating down the river.
Liu Qingge panics immediately; goes towards it with his sword, remembers that's not how you save babies with no immediate threat around, and drops it like a hot poker. Forgetting he is perhaps not the greatest swimmer, he tosses himself sidelong in. It's not deep, so he doesn't have to worry too much about swimming; his robes are unfortunately a bit of a dead-weight waterlogged. Still, he catches up to the floating little infant and drags it out by its scruff, tossing the both of them onto the soft silt of the riverbank.
The baby, when he gets a good look at it, is round and chubby; its skin is wrinkled and raw in a way that suggests it's little more than a newborn.
"Who are you," Liu Qingge demands.
The baby (very confused, VERY chubby, and very red in the face) takes a single look at Liu Qingge's wet-cat expression and starts crying even louder.
"Crybaby, aren't you," Liu Qingge says; truthfully, he's instantly chastised. It's a baby! He's okay with babies, Mingyan was a baby once! Albeit, he'd been barely a teen when she was born, but still!
Liu Qingge cradles the chubby little thing in one arm, giving him a cursory glance for injuries. There's a bit of dirt on his forehead; when Liu Qingge goes to rub it off with his thumb and a bit of spiritual energy, it leaves a faded red mark.
When he pokes him again with a bit of spiritual energy, there's a faint but evident red glow.
"Hmm," Liu Qingge says.
The baby sniffles back.
The baby cries the entire way back to cqms. Liu Qingge enters directly through one of the larger meeting rooms, where it looks like Shang Qinghua has finally crawled back to talk with the sect leader. Liu Qingge unceremoniously dumps the artifact he'd been sent for on the table.
Shang Qinghua, surprised at the sudden entrance, shrieks a little when the ugly-looking artifact (a... tablet, perhaps?) hits the table. Liu Qingge, pleased that he is now carrying less Things, uses his free hand to wring out his sopping wet ponytail directly onto the floor. Shang Qinghua dances out of range of the water, quickly pulling his robes out of the way with a disgusted noise.
"Um," Shang Qinghua says, looking directly at the baby, who is still crying. "Shidi, whatcha got there?"
"A tablet." Liu Qingge says.
"I think he perhaps means the baby," Yue Qingyuan wheezes.
"Oh. that." Liu Qingge shifts the chubby little thing resting in his elbow, who is slowly lowering his voice to sniffles now that he's not at a high altitude. "It's a baby."
"i can see that," Shang Qinghua chokes.
Yue Qingyuan clears his throat. "Shidi, is it perhaps... yours?"
Liu Qingge blinks. "Mine?" he asks, confused. "Why would I have a child?"
"Why else would you have a child?" Yue Qingyuan chokes.
"I found it in a river," Liu Qingge considers, "so I guess it's mine now."
"Finders keepers doesn't apply to infants, shidi!!!" Shang Qinghua cries
"I don't see why not," Liu Qingge says. "It was in the river. It was clearly abandoned." Not to mention he'd been placed in a wooden basin with nothing but a small swathe of fabric, clearly a torn piece of robe rather than a blanket. This child clearly had no other family.
Shang Qinghua, meanwhile, has gone rather silent. "When you say river, shidi," he asks, "which river do you mean, exactly?"
"Luo," Liu Qingge grunts. Not that it matters what river a baby had been floating in!
Evidently it does matter, because Shang Qinghua whines very loudly, drops his face into his hands, and starts muttering at length. Liu Qingge writes it off. He's long suspected Shang Qinghua is either crazy, some kind of seer, or just incredibly close to breakdown at all times. While he engages in no (visible) rituals, the man always seems to know something important before it happens. Mu Qingfang has, on occasion, suggested Qinghua's mind thinks so quickly that every scenario is mapped out before it can happen. Qingge thinks he's just a weird guy.
It is a long-held tradition in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect that no decision can be made without Shen Qingqiu arriving to refute it. Shen Qingqiu, having seen Liu Qingge arriving back to the peak, naturally wanted to observe the artifact and potentially claim it for his peak. S o obviously he finds this an opportune moment to burst into the room, with a harried-looking Mu Qingfang in tow. With narrowed eyes, he takes in the sputtering Shang Qinghua, the sopping wet Liu Qingge, and the still-blubbering baby, and formulates his attack.
"Clearly," he says snidely, "I cannot leave this peak for a single shichen. In that time, the Bai Zhan Peak Lord has managed to both sire a bastard and waterlog an entire meeting room. Zhangmen-shixiong, you really do know how to keep your peak lords in order."
Liu Qingge takes a breath through his nose. He's careful not to make eye contact with Shen Qingqiu, because if they were to lock eyes, a fight would surely break out, and the baby would be somewhat of a hindrance.
Shang Qinghua isn't as lucky; the moment he lets out a small choked noise, Shen Qingqiu turns on him as well.
"Rather bold of you to laugh, Shang Qinghua," he sneers, "given you spent the morning shirking a task easy enough for a baby disciple to finish within a day."
"Qingqiu-shidi," Yue Qingyuan starts.
"What, Zhangmen-shixiong?" Shen Qingqiu fires back. "Unless you're about to reprimand liu qingge for creating an entire child out of wedlock and ruining his cultivation, don't continue speaking."
"It's not his, Qingqiu-shidi," Yue Qingyuan finishes.
Shen Qingqiu blinks. He looks, rather rapidly, between the sullen baby and the even-more-sullen Liu Qingge. "Then why is there a baby, exactly."
"He fished it out of a river," Shang Qinghua wheezes.
"...why."
"What did you want me to do! Just leave it floating there!" Liu Qingge snaps.
"Liu Qingge, why would you save it? You could've left it for someone else to find!" Shen Qingqiu yells. Confusion and a small child, it seems, has made him angry. "What makes you think you could raise a river baby!"
Liu Qingge pauses. He really hadn't thought it through beyond 'save the baby'. "I didn't get that far."
The room groans. Shen Qingqiu especially holds his own nose as if he can't believe the conversation was even happening. "Liu Qingge, this is a cultivation sect," he says. "What on earth are we going to do with a baby?"
"He has a point," Mu Qingfang finally joins to say. Soft and quiet, he's usually the voice of reason. "We typically don't accept infants as disciples. I suppose we could pass it on to an orphanage? Somewhere that could after it?"
Liu Qingge looks down at the baby, who still remains quietly sobbing; a lot has happened for the little thing. It's barely a newborn, still splotchy pink, and looks up at him with big watery dark eyes. What a crybaby. He needs someone to teach him to toughen up a little.
"No." Liu Qingge denies. "I've bonded with him now. we can't get rid of him."
Shen Qingqiu hisses, "Liu Qingge, I'm really going to kill you."
"Liu-shidi, be reasonable," Yue Qingyuan starts. "How could you have bonded with him? It's only a baby, we should put his best interests at heart. You don't even know his name."
"Luo Binghe," Shang Qinghua mutters. "His name is Luo Binghe."
With one sentence the air in the room changes completely. With Shang Qinghua using whatever seer-like cultivation he had hidden deep to draw out the baby's name, none of them could suddenly argue against keeping it - a classic 'well, we've named it now!'. Sometimes things Shang Qinghua said held weight; this was one of them.
"So we are keeping him, then?" Liu Qingge says, pleased.
Mu Qingfang sighs heavily. "I'm not the one explaining this to Qi-shijie later."
Naturally, the remainder of the morning is chaos.
Qi Qingqi, upon receiving a missive informing her of what had been decided, refused to leave her peak to deal with it, lest she be coerced into being the baby's primary caregiver (which, fair).
Liu Qingge had tried to take baby Luo Binghe back to Bai Zhan with him, which had prompted Shen Qingqiu (who didn't even want the child!) to vehemently disagree and cause a fight to break out. Yue Qingyuan couldn't nurse a baby himself (unfortunately) and so obviously the job fell to-
Shang Qinghua stares at baby Luo Binghe, arms crossed nervously.
"Now that it's just us alone," Shang Qinghua says. "What's your angle?"
Luo Binghe wiggles and grabs at his foot. Playing dumb; a wise choice.
They're on Qian Cao Peak, so Luo Binghe can have his vitals checked. Being the only real doctor among them, Mu Qingfang is giving him a much-needed checkup, since by Shang Qinghua's calculations Luo Binghe was born.... literally a few hours ago at most.
Being in charge of logistics, Shang Qinghua now has to figure out what the fuck to do with his own literal half-demon baby protagonist. Because that's his job! He basically does everything around here!
"Oh, god," Shang Qinghua moans. "I'm going to be a single dad, aren't I."
Luo Binghe, future demon lord of the entire realm, whimpers in commiseration.
That's another thing; whether it's because he's a newborn or because that's just how he Is, Luo Binghe is clingy. He always has to be making contact with someone; right now, he has one tiny hand gripped around Shang Qinghua's pinky. It's hard to picture him as a future conquerer when he's so…
He's really just like a little egg - small and breakable and absolutely at Shang Qinghua's mercy, like he had been from the very beginning. It was strange to look at this tiny little egg and think of everything Shang Qinghua had planned for him. S trange to think that all the hardships he was meant to go through - growing up on the street, mother figure 2 being fridged for manpain, having to scrounge and self-train and struggle.... and even after all that, getting pushed into the abyss for something he can't control?
Shang Qinghua wiggles his pinky in little baby Luo Binghe's hand. With a spark of qi, his teeny little demon mark glows red, only faintly.
"I'm sorry, it'll be unavoidable," Shang Qinghua says quietly. "If I could change it, I would. but I'll give you a fighting chance this time, eh!"
The door to the infirmary pushes open and Mu Qingfang returns from where he'd been trying to source, like, organic milk or something. Don't blame Shang Qinghua for not processing it, his memory is bad!
"We'll continue this conversation later," Shang Qinghua whispers to Luo Binghe
"Shixiong, he's still at the door," Mu Qingfang says in lieu of greeting. "Are you going to let him in?"
He is, of course, talking about Liu Qingge, who had decided to stand guard outside the front door instead of going back to his own peak.
"He can think about what he did," Shang Qinghua says meanly.
"He's only young," Mu Qingfang sighs, lowering himself next to Shang Qinghua and the baby. He says it as though they aren't all young; as though he himself isn't barely twenty, younger than Shang Qinghua. "He can make rash decisions. In this case, saving a baby may not be his worst move."
A baby, maybe; but a half-demon baby destined for destruction, yes!
"Who knows what would have happened if he hadn't brought it back to us," Mu Qingfang continues.
Shang Qinghua!!! He knows what would happen!!!! He wrote the damn story!!!
"You're right, you're right!" Shang Qinghua says. "He'll have a fighting chance with us! Maybe even grow up to be even stronger! Hahaha!"
Ohhh fuck, he just remembered!!! If he's coparenting a demon baby, what's gonna happen when his king finds out!!!!
Qinghua is jumpy enough that he accidentally dislodges Luo Binghe's hand; when he loses the contact, Luo Binghe's little face immediately crinkles as he starts to wail at the top of his lungs. Panicked, Shang Qinghua grabs his little hand in both of his, shushing at rapid speed.
Luo Binghe quietens instantly at the contact, making sad gurgling noises. Ahh, this sticky son of his!!! What's he gonna do when he has to go into the abyss!!!
"He likes you," Mu Qingfang says.
"He's a baby," Shang Qinghua sighs wondrously. "He likes anyone who pays him attention."
"Still, he likes you," Mu Qingfang says. "He wailed when Shen Qingqiu tried to pick him up."
Shang Qinghua laughs. "That's because shixiong grabbed him by the foot!"
Mu Qingfang laughs along with him at the memory. Ah, Mu Qingfang really is great; Shang Qinghua's so glad he wrote such a reliable bro! It's always nice when he shows up to bring Shang Qinghua tea, or scold him for sleeping on his desk, or... help him with the baby foisted on him. Such a nice contrast!
There's a scuffle at the door, where Liu Qingge is clearly listening in. Shang Qinghua shares an "ugh are you serious?" look with his sniffly little son; clearly they understand each other, and he acknowledges Shang Qinghua as his true dad! What a smart son!
"Alright, let him in," Shang Qinghua sighs. "If he wants to come in so bad, he can be the one to learn how to change the baby diaper. I don't want to do it!!!"
Ahh, coparenting.... with such reliable bros, surely it'll work out!
[ Alternate Plotline* Unlocked: The Early Years of Luo
Binghe! User One** mission commenced!
*Compulsory missions must still be completed
**Mission is coopable! ]
So it turns out that raising a baby is hard - even if that baby is Luo Binghe.
He spends the first week of his new life sleeping in a cot on Qian Cao peak, close enough for Mu Qingfang to monitor him for any issues. Liu Qingge spends that first week camped outside the room, being held back by a broom from taking the newborn on night hunts with him.
(Liu Qingge's sister, not yet four, is far away and being raised by his parents. He'd taken leave when she'd been born, but clearly hasn't seen her in some time. Mu Qingfang commiserates; he hasn't seen his baby niece in weeks.)
By the time Qi Qingqi deigns to make an appearance, the other Peak Lords are already irrevocably attached to baby Binghe. Binghe, too, bursts into tears the moment he's transferred into her arms. She makes direct eye contact with Shang Qinghua and says: "A crybaby. He takes after you."
Luo Binghe is a fussy baby; angelic when he's being held, he quickly bursts into tears the minute he loses physical contact. Shang Qinghua spends a sleepless night drafting baby-shifts, then feels immensely embarrassed having to present it the next morning.
Mu Qingfang starts strapping Binghe to his chest while he works, letting the baby rest while he he runs lectures and makes poultices and whatnot. The rest of them begin to follow, making makeshift baby slings and letting Luo Binghe sit, tight and secure, while they get work done.
Wei Qingwei finally returns from his nighthunt after another week and has to physically sit down when he finds out they'd adopted an entire child. It turned out their missives hadn't reached him before he'd left for home. He spends two days skirting around the baby warily, like it might bite him. On the third day, he's already started forging him spiritual weapons.
("He's barely two weeks old," Yue Qingyuan admonishes. "He won't be able to use that for another fourteen years, at least."
"No, he's right," Liu Qingge says. "We should be training him young. He's going to be a prodigy, trust me.")
Binghe really is a sweet child; his hair, dark and curly, starts to grow in quickly, and he remains adorably chubby and extremely biteable. He adapts to his new.... fathers? Guardians? Fairly quickly.
Ah... except for one.
Shen Qingqiu keeps dodging his shifts.
This isn't a problem for the first couple weeks. Liu Qingge is more than happy to cover, and Luo Binghe adores Liu Qingge in particular, having bonded with him first. B ut Liu Qingge, even spending more time back at his peak, it out on night hunts.... a lot. Unfortunately, when people are busy and something needs to be done, it always falls to Shang Qinghua.
And- okay, he can handle carrying a baby for a few more hours!!! He can bounce Luo Binghe on his lap while doing paperwork! But with his king teleporting into his peak so often, he's had way too many close calls! He can't just bring a baby to the demon realm!
So when it's the third time he's been stuck entertaining Luo Binghe in a week, and he's an hour late to a meeting with Mobei Jun, and he checks the roster and of course Shen Qingqiu was meant to relieve him three hours ago, he's pissed. H e storms into Qing Jing peak, Binghe strapped to his chest - which, by the way, Binghe is so heavy! Shang Qinghua is only small! His back hurts! - and practically threatens the first Qing Jing disciple he sees into sharing Shen Qingqiu's location.
"YOU!" Shang Qinghua says, bursting into Shen Qingqiu's lecture hall. A room full of confused teenagers jump in their seats.
"Me?" Shen Qingqiu says, bewildered. He looks around, as if some other asshole was lurking around the corner. "Shang Qinghua, can't you see i'm in the middle of lecture? Just because you don't do any important work, doesn't mean the rest of us don't."
Shen Qingqiu, you messed with the wrong transmigrator!!!
"Important work?" Shang Qinghua yells. "Who doesn't do important work?! Who covered for you when you butchered that night hunt last spring??? Who smoothed over your conflict with the ink merchants last autumn so you could still get that fancy ink you 'need'? Say that to my face! D odge any shifts you like, but if your jobs fall on me, I'll make sure your parchment is shit quality and your brushes shed hair! Don't forget I'm the one who sets the meetings, and makes the seating plans!"
Shen Qingqiu looks suitably chastened. One of his students is writing notes.
Shang Qinghua takes advantage of his silence and stomps over. Luo Binghe makes a sleepy noise as Shang Qinghua unties the baby sling and wrestles a weakly protesting Shen Qingqiu into it. W hen Luo Binghe is secure, Shang Qinghua steps back and surveys Shen Qingqiu, who's still blinking in shock with his arms held in the air. God, his shixiong looks so.......
Awkward.
......oh, fuck! What did Shang Qinghua just do!!! He's totally going to get killed for this!!!
But also, he's late for a meeting with Mobei Jun, and he could get killed for that thing too!!! Enemies from all sides!!! Sorry, shixiong!!!
After Shang Qinghua (the cowardly little rat!) scrambles (escapes) from the room, Shen Qingqiu stands there awkwardly with a baby strapped to his chest. Luo Binghe groggily makes a 'mrrp' sound, lifting his little head to blink at Shen Qingqiu. He has very big, watery eyes - still hazy, blinking slowly, trying to focus. Shen Qingqiu dreads the moment the little bundle of quilt and chub realises who's holding him.
Shen Qingqiu blinks back.
"S-shizun," a particularly brave disciple pipes up. "Should we... should we finish early?"
"No," he snaps, righting himself. He can't look weak in front of his disciples! If his fellow Peak Lords can do this, he can too! In fact, he can do it even better!
Aha.
Shen Qingqiu tries to teach at the best of his ability, but Luo Binghe is heavy and uncomfortable and, quite frankly, feels very unnatural to hold. He won't stop squirming and making questioning noises, like he's confused his other guardians aren't here. Worse, even, h is disciples won't stop staring and whispering, and he gets flustered enough to snap at them. Luo Binghe's whining quickly gets louder, and Shen Qingqiu is barely able to get to the end of the lesson and dismiss his disciples before it escalates to full-on crying.
He's too proud to call any of the other Peak Lords to take the baby; he goes directly back to his own quarters, barely shuts the door before Binghe starts fully wailing.
It's like binghe KNOWS he's uncomfortable. It's like binghe knows he's scared to hold him, it's like binghe likes the others more than him, and that grates on him terribly. B ut how does one interact with babies? How would he possibly calm him down? What does this baby have to cry about, anyway? He has no grudges, no responsibilities, no enemies! His life is perfect!
Shen Qingqiu bounces the baby in a panic, hushing him and praying it calms him down. It almost has the opposite effect; he just starts crying louder. So he unstraps Luo Binghe from his chest and holds him with two hands, staring the baby in the face.
"Be quiet!" he hisses. "I know you don't like me! I don't know what you want! Just be quiet!"
Binghe's little face is red, so flushed his forehead is almost glowing. He kicks his little feet. Because he is a baby, he offers no constructive criticism. Shen Qingqiu chokes under the weight of not being good enough. He's not sure what to do.
There's a knock at his door.
"Xiao jiu?"
"Absolutely not." Shen Qingqiu yells.
Yue Qingyuan comes in anyway.
Shen Qingqiu pulls Luo Binghe protectively to his body. "absolutely not," he repeats. "I have this under control. i don't need you to take over for me."
"I know," Yue Qingyuan says. He's holding a hand out placatingly, like Shen Qingqiu is a stray cat. "I'm just here to bring his food."
Shen Qingqiu blinks. "What?"
"His food." Yue Qingyuan lifts his other hand, and yep- that's definitely baby food. "Mu-shidi asked me to bring it to you. He's hungry; that's probably why he's crying."
Shen Qingqiu relaxes slightly. "So it's- it's not anything I did? He's just hungry?"
He really is just hungry. Once he's fed he settles immediately; and with Shen Qingqiu no longer completely stiff, he falls asleep right on his chest almost immediately. Shen Qingqiu bounces him in wonder.
Yue Qingyuan watches the both of them quietly, and then clears his throat.
"I should get him back to Mu-shidi soon," he says. "It's starting to get late."
"Hmm," Shen Qingqiu says.
"You know," Yue Qingyuan broaches. "If he's fussy with you, it could just be that you haven't bonded enough yet. If you wanted to-"
"I'm busy, Zhangmen-shixiong," Shen Qingqiu says. "As the rest of you should be. You should all be doing your jobs, not playing house with some river baby."
He says it all quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping baby.
Yue Qingyuan hums. "If you ask Shang-shidi nicely, he might schedule your next Binghe session at a time when you don't have a lecture planned."
Shen Qingqiu huffs and hands the baby over. "Take him back to Mu-shidi," he says. "I'm tired. My shift is up. Goodbye."
"Think about it," Yue Qingyuan says.
Shen Qingqiu doesn't think about it. He doesn't think about it at all.
Binghe is a lovely, intelligent baby. With access to basically anything an infant would want, he grows quickly - too quickly for a human, one might argue.
It wasn't uncommon to see Mu Qingfang talking the infant through the medicine-making process, or Yue Qingyuan taking him on daily tours of the peak, or Liu Qingge peacefully explaining meditation.
(In the privacy of his own leisure house, with no prying eyes, Shang Qinghua talks Binghe through his carefully curated garden of miracle flowers and cure-alls and poisons and whatever OP plant he'd conjured up himself. Better to have options when he's older!)
Binghe takes it all in with starry eyes; whether he's taking anything in or not almost doesn't matter. They all fawn over his expression anyway.
Thanks to all the talking, Binghe starts to babble after six months; mimicked phrases and completely garbled words, a constant stream of happy little noises.
"He'll be speaking in full sentences in no time," Liu Qingge writes to his parents. "Can I introduce him to Mingyan yet? Please? It's been so long-"
The peak lords start claiming left and right that they've heard his first words; Liu Qingge and Wei Qingqwei almost get into a fistfight over whether 'guhguhguhguhguh' counts as 'gege'
After that, a betting pool is placed on which pseudo-dad will hear the precious 'baba' first. Everyone votes for themselves, except for Shang Qinghua, who puts his money on Mu Qingfang before getting threatened by every other peak lord over his choice.
("He sees Mu-shidi the most!" Shang Qinghua argues. "He does all the checkups! His cot is still in Qian Cao peak! I'm just being pragmatic!")
The peak lords take to "subtly" slipping the word 'baba' into regular Binghe-conversation, except for Liu Qingge - who, at eighteen, insists 'baba' makes him feel old.
"Say 'gege'," Liu Qingge whispers loudly, bouncing the chubby little guy in the middle of a meeting. "It's easy! Ge-ge!"
"That's cheating!" Wei Qingwei yells.
"It's winning!" Liu Qingge hisses back
A second betting pool opens amongst the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect disciples; the most money so far was bet on Yue Qingyuan, who had been called 'baba' by accident too many times by embarrassed disciples, and Liu Qingge, who had been called... something father-adjacent that no one would like to admit
Yue Qingyuan, for his part, curls little baby Binghe in one strong arm and rocks him to sleep while doing paperwork.
"Did you have fun with your baba last week?" he whispers to the little bun. "He pretends not to like you, but I saw him sneaking toys, don't worry."
"What," Qi Qingqi calls from the doorway. "Not jumping in on the 'baba' craze yourself?"
"I had hoped to be A-die," Yue Qingyuan calls back bashfully, caught.
Qi Qingqi hums. "Wishful thinking?"
Yue Qingyuan sighs. Something like that.
"Are you ready for ayi time?" Yue Qingyuan whispers to sleepy little Binghe.
"Ahh, don't call me that," Qi Qingqi grouses. "It makes me feel all old and shit."
"If I don't call you ayi, how will he know who you are?" Yue Qingyuan teases.
As the lone aunt and peak lord of an all-female peak, Qi Qingqi takes binghe the least; ayi time is precious and involves a lot of tea and a lot of gossip. Rather, Qingqi gossips, and Binghe listens while blowing snot bubbles and drinking baby-appropriate juice. Qi Qingqi sits Binghe on his little baby-rug, gives him some dolls to bash together, and calls for oolong tea.
"Your Yue-baba is pining again," she whispers smugly. She maintains that baby binghe must know all his babas dirty secrets; they're terrible role models!
"Luo Binghe, if you ever have trouble with romance, don't go to any of them, you hear me? They're all hopeless," she says. "You come straight to your ayi. Ayi is much smarter than all of them."
"Ayayayayay," Luo Binghe babbles.
"Exactly," Qi Qingqi says. "...wait."
She regards baby Binghe, who is chewing on the little hand of a doll. He babbles, sure, but that was pretty close for comfort.
"Exactly," she echoes. "In fact, come to ayi for all your problems. Qi-ayi will always be here to listen."
Binghe blinks his big baby eyes at her and says "mmmmmm", blows a nose bubble, and says "ayiiii."
Qi Qingqi blinks violently. surely not!
"Who's the smartest?" she tries. "Is it ayi?"
"Ayiiii," Luo Binghe agrees. "Ayiayiayi-"
Qi Qingqi crows in delight, lifting Binghe up in her arms and bouncing him happily.
"That's right!" she says victoriously. "Your ayi is! And so are you! You've made an excellent choice today, Binghe!"
She taps his little nose, smiling when he crinkles his eyes. "You can't tell any of your babas about this, okay? They'll all cry. It can be our secret."
Luo Binghe blows a raspberry. Qi Qingqi shakes his hand in agreement for good measure.
Turns out Luo Binghe (eleven months, supremely chubby, growing fast) is exceptionally good at keeping secrets.
"-And then my king portalled me directly into a lake!" Shang Qinghua whines. "I couldn't get the sand out of my robes for weeks! God I'm glad you can't understand me right now."
For his part, having a secret, non-biological child was definitely just another problem on top of Shang Qinghua's long list of problems he called a (second) life. He feels sometimes like he's looking at a tiny, unblemished baby version of himself; he thinks community-raising might be better than second families and abandonment, but he can never be sure. He could've put too much of himself into Binghe. It could already be too late.
"When you become a big scary demon lord in charge of everyone, you have to make Mobei Jun regret what he did to your baba, okay Binghe?"
"Mmmm," Binghe says. "Babababa-"
"Ugh, not this again," Shang Qinghua says. "Baba's money is on Mu Qingfang, remember! Don't make your baba lose his money!"
Luo Binghe says "baba!" decisively, then blows a bubble like he's won the argument.
Shang Qinghua sighs. well, at least they're in private; as long as he doesn't do it during a meeting, he's in the clear!
"You can say it so long as you get revenge for me, ah?" Shang Qinghua says. "This stays between us, understood!!!"
Binghe waves a chubby little fist. Ahh, like father like son!
What happens next is, unfortunately, something that has become a staple of Shang Qinghua's life. The air in his leisure house starts to freeze up, a telltale sign that a portal is about to rip open any moment. Shang Qinghua whispers a hearty "fuck!" and grabs Binghe. It's the kind of thing that was haha-funny in romcoms and comedies and what-have-yous, but now that he's actually living it, it's scary, okay! At least he's in his sleeping quarters this time!
He hurriedly shoves a wiggling Luo Binghe into his closet with a little comfort blanket. "Be quiet, okay?" he whispers. "You know the drill. Baba will be back in less than a shichen!!!"
"Shang Qinghua," Mobei-jun calls from the entry room.
"Coming!!!!'
Ahh, it's a shame, he thinks as he stumbles into the main room. His little binghe will grow up thinking of him as the shady baba either way. A s long as he can keep Luo Binghe from seeing Mobei Jun - tall, horrifically imposing, and very angry - before his time, it's fine!
"You're late," Mobei Jun growls. When Shang Qinghua tries to bow in apology, he grabs him by the scruff and pulls him back upright. "Why are you late."
It's a demand, not a question.
"Paperwork!!!" Shang Qinghua yelps.
"in your sleeping quarters," mbj says flatly.
"Ah, fine," Shang Qinghua says. "I was napping! My king, what can this one do for you!"
Mobei Jun looks a bit disgruntled, but given that he's always looking a bit disgruntled, Shang Qinghua doesn't think it's too out of place! It takes real talent to look so hot when you're so visibly put-out, honestly. Who made such an absolute unit! oh- Shang Qinghua did.
"The papers for the conference with Western demon tribe," Mobei Jun says. "You have them."
"Oh!" Shang Qinghua says. "Yes, they're just in my drawer-"
There's a thump from the bedroom. Fuck- Shang Qinghua definitely left the rattles in that closet!
"What was that." Mobei Jun asks - rather, demands.
"Ahh, it it it- it was a disciple!" Shang Qinghua yelps.
The room gets noticeably colder.
"In your sleeping quarters." Mobei Jun grits out.
"He- uh- he's cleaning!!!"
The room only gets colder; Mobei Jun noticeably twitches. Not good, not good!
"S-so you probably shouldn't stay long, my king!!!" Shang Qinghua rambles. "Just in case they hear you!!!"
Mobei Jun is noticeably rattled enough that it seems to work. He snatches the papers from Shang Qinghua and shoves something into his hand before promptly departing. Shang Qinghua gets a face full of icy air and snow. Rude!
He examines the thing mbj had shoved at him. On closer inspection, it looks like the hairpiece a courtier from the boar demon tribe had been wearing last week; Shang Qinghua had mentioned how sad it was that someone so rude could wear something so pretty.
Mobei Jun must have salvaged it after he'd slaughtered all of them over a trade dispute! Ah, it couldn't be a thank-you gift for the excellent cleanup Shang Qinghua had done; he must just think it's junk.
"Ahh, well," Shang Qinghua says. "It is very pretty, at least."
(When he gets back, Binghe is in the cupboard playing with his rattles; he giggles when Shang Qinghua crows "I found youuu~" as if they'd been playing a game. Ah, what a wonderful little white sheep he has!)
It comes to a head about half a month later, during a Peak Lord meeting.
Yue Qingyuan enters the room with little Binghe and automatically passes him over to Shen Qingqiu. Of all the peak lords, Shen Qingqiu is the most withholding of affection; as such, Binghe has become the clingiest with him, always reaching out to grip some part of his body.
"Not today, Zhangmen-shixiong," Shen Jiu grumbles. "I'm not in the mood."
"Here, give him to me if you don't want him," Liu Qingge says eagerly.
Yue Qingyuan shakes his head. "It's Shen-baba's turn today. Shen-baba has to hold him. We all need equal bonding time."
"I really don't," Shen Qingqiu says, evading the baby being pushed towards him. "Liu-shidi can take him today. The baby obviously likes me more, Liu-shidi could afford to catch up."
Binghe, suspended in the air, whines sadly and reaches his chubby little hands over to Shen Qingqiu. It's like the more he's pushed away, the more attention he wants.
"He wants you today, Shen-baba," Yue Qingyuan says gently.
"Babaaaaa," Binghe agrees.
The room goes silent.
"No fucking WAY!" Liu Qingge yells.
"Babaaaaaaa," Luo Binghe begins to cry. Shen Qingqiu is so shocked he points to himself and then opens his arms; Yue Qingyuan passes him over victoriously.
"Absolutely not!" Liu Qingge yells. "binghe, take it back!"
The room is in chaos. Shang Qinghua drops his head into his hands, muttering about the money he's lost. Yue Qingyuan is grinning like he's won a battle. Mu Qingfang is quietly sipping tea.
Wei Qingwei, never one to lose, leans over and grabs little Luo Binghe's hand.
"If you can call him baba, you can call me baba," he says.
"Baba," Luo Binghe agrees obligingly.
"Score!" Wei Qingwei says.
"I can't believe Shen.... shixiong won," Liu Qingge moans.
"He's been calling me ayi for weeks," Qi Qingqi says smugly.
"noooooooooooo," Liu Qingge whines.
Between sips of tea, Mu Qingfang says, "he's been calling Shang Qinghua baba for longer."
Shang Qinghua slaps the table. "You said you'd keep quiet!"
"Because if I won, we'd both win money," Mu Qingfang says. "But we lost, so I'm telling them."
Liu Qingge, the baby before Binghe had arrived, just bangs his head onto the table. With renewed vigour, he looks back up to Binghe.
"Binghe, you can do it!" he says. "Say gege!"
Binghe chews on a chubby fist. "...guh."
Okay, good enough!
Chubby little Luo Binghe, pleased with the chaos he's caused, seems exhausted after all the excitement; he promptly passes out onto Shen Qingqiu's collar.
"Ahh, what a shame," Qi Qingqi says. "Binghe didn't say anything to poor Zhangmen-shixiong."
Dazedly, Shen Qingqiu says, "I think he's a little young to say A-die."