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When Suzuki confesses to Yosuke, he’s not sure why he’s completely caught off-guard by it. He hasn’t been expecting it in the least, but now he’ll have to admit to all his friends and maybe the rest of Inaba that they were right, and he’s sure he now owes money to Chie and maybe even Naoto.
Suzuki’s like an angel descended from heaven. She’s cute, high-spirited, and kind. She likes music, too, and plays the guitar in her spare time. The only thing is that she’s a first-year and Yosuke is a third-year, but, if anything, the slight age difference is perfect because it’s a great chance to show off how reliable and mature he is. Plus, he’s sure he read in one of those magazines before that girls prefer older men. Never mind the fact that everyone he knows calls his magazines trashy—even Yu, his closest friend that he thought had his side no matter what.
In any case, Suzuki is perfect, because the cherry on top is that she’s actually interested in him, despite having seen more than enough of his uncool sides. He thinks that, sadly, this is probably the first time a girl has developed a serious crush on him in his entire seventeen years of life.
He admits his heart pounds when he sees Suzuki’s sparkling and hopeful eyes, her calloused hands twisted together in her skirt. But when Yosuke finally unsticks his tongue from the roof of his mouth, he finds that it’s beating for the wrong reason.
“Sorry, I… can you give me some time to think about it?”
--
“Suzuki confessed to me,” Yosuke immediately admits as soon as he gets home.
Chie sounds annoyed as usual, huffing on the other side of the phone. “Hah! I told you so. You owe me twenty and a beef bowl at Aiya’s.”
“Since when did I owe a beef—never mind. Just. How. Why. What?” Yosuke asks, trying to convey his utter disbelief.
“Why would a girl like you? Beats me! If I were Suzuki-chan, I’d stay six meters away from you at all times,” Chie retorts, and if not for the crisis Yosuke is going through, he would start to get annoyed.
“Okay. But like. What do I do?” Yosuke asks.
“How would I know?! Aren’t you going to accept? Haven’t you been blabbering and crying about wanting a girlfriend since the day you transferred here? And—” Chie scolds, “—Why in the world are you calling me and not Yu?”
Maybe the confession burned away the rest of Yosuke’s braincells to be 1) seeking help from Chie and 2) to not have accepted Suzuki’s confession right away. But ever since their days in the TV world, Yosuke trusted his instincts above else, and they were telling him that accepting it wasn’t the right idea. And nor did telling Yu, for some reason, even though his advice and listening skills were vastly superior to Chie’s.
“Well screw you, too!” Chie exclaims, and Yosuke curses as he realizes he’s accidentally voiced some of those thoughts.
Well, his instincts did also tell him to throw Namatame into the TV, and that was an incredibly wrong conclusion that would’ve haunted him for the rest of his life, if not for Yu. So maybe he’s just stupid.
“Yeah, I think you’re stupid, too,” Chie agrees, and Yosuke is this close to just hanging up the phone.
But aside from Yu, Chie is the closest friend he has in Inaba, even if both of them are wary to admit it. And, okay, sometimes her advice is actually good, but he’d rather be caught dead than to say that out loud. She’d never let it go.
“Well, okay. I know you’re dumb, and I’m not surprised you’re so dumb that you’ve dug yourself in a hole so deep you can’t see out of anymore, so I’ll just say that there’s probably a reason you didn’t fall to your knees and start worshipping Suzuki-chan at her feet once she confessed to you,” Chie says. “You’re gonna, like, freak out and tell me I’m crazy if I tell you what I really think, so you should figure it out by yourself.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Yosuke shoots back. “If you don’t know just say it. You know that posturing does absolutely nothing for you, right?”
“I’m saying I do know!” Chie snaps. “I’m sure everyone knows! I mean, who wouldn’t, it’s been practically a whole year of pining—” Chie suddenly stops talking, sounding like she slapped a hand over her mouth.
“Are you talking about Suzuki?” Yosuke asks, eyebrows furrowed. “We haven’t even known each other for a full year yet. Seriously, what are you on about?”
“Never mind,” Chie says, tone milder. “Alright, I’ll say this. Absolutely do not accept Suzuki-chan’s confession unless you’re absolutely sure you want to date her! 100% and willing to go the moon for her! You have to wanna spend the rest of your life with her sure, okay?!”
“I don’t know if you can hear me properly over the sound of you chewing,” Yosuke begins, “But you do realize she just wants to try dating, and not marriage, right?”
“I’m not eating anything right now, you jerk!” Chie practically yells. “Oh, whatever! You’ll realize that I’m right. Dare you to make a bet right now.”
“Nothing you have said so far makes any lick of sense,” Yosuke points out. “What do you want to bet on?”
“It’ll be clear when I win,” Chie proclaims proudly. He can already imagine her puffing out her chest with a smug grin. “Here’s what I think: you’ll reject Suzuki-chan before the year ends.”
“You—” Yosuke starts.
“—But!” Chie adds. “You’ll have fallen in love with someone else already.”
The confident statement grinds Yosuke’s braincells to a halt. “Don’t tell me you’ve gotten into fortune-telling?” Yosuke asks.
“I’ll be nice since I know I’ll win. Steak croquette at Souzai Daigaku.”
“Fine,” Yosuke agrees, because while he thinks rejecting Suzuki could be possible—he’s not so desperate and foolish that he’d hurt a girl while unsure of his own feelings—but falling in love with someone else right after? Had Chie been switching up genres? Because romance really didn’t suit her.
“It doesn’t suit you either, lover-boy,” Chie retorts. “Anyway, I’m going to go to the movies with Yukiko now, so I don’t have any more time to win bets against you. You know, you should think of it as payment for my really good advice. Okay, see you!”
Yosuke gapes as the dial tone of his phone beeps at him. His cheeks flush, and he resolves to never call anyone who isn’t Yu when he’s having a mental crisis, because apparently his mouth moves even faster than his thoughts.
--
It’s been over half a year since Yu returned to the city, leaving behind the rest of the Investigation Team in Inaba. Aside from Naoto and Rise, of course. Yosuke admitted to himself that he was a little jealous that they got to leave, as if they had some special clearance that let them be just a little closer to Yu than the rest of them. Because accepting the ugly parts of himself is his—their team’s—thing now, he acknowledged this, and then promptly buried it back in the deepest recess of his heart.
Sure, he can admit it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t shameful. Yu was going to come back, anyway. He already promised him and Nanako. What use did he have in getting all lonely and jealous? He’d even said those self-righteous words at the train station: ‘No matter the distance, we’ll always be partners!’
It was true, and it still remained true to this very day. So Yosuke couldn’t figure out why he was still feeling such childish emotions, and decided that it was probably just because emotions were stupid and irrational. Plus, he’d gone through a life-and-death situation with the guy. Of course he’d miss him.
He didn’t feel this sort of jealous loneliness with Naoto or even Rise, for that matter, but he didn’t dwell on this.
What was important was that the days were still trudging by, and even though they were busy and almost painfully normal at times, they were filled with happiness: wrestling Teddie out of the freezer aisles on their shared shifts; long late-night calls with Yu while they talked about everything and nothing at once; meeting Suzuki and practicing guitar together after school in one of the empty club rooms.
He'd met Suzuki sometime in the middle of the first term. He was a little less girl-crazy these days, probably because he was so mature now from saving the world and stuff, but even he admitted that he gawked and stared a little too hard at her face when she profusely apologized for running into him.
Suzuki was way too nice. Yosuke was the one who completely crashed into her when turning the corner of the hallway a little too fast, late for a Junes shift. His nose and mouth rammed rather painfully into her skull, and he fell straight back on his ass, tears squeezing at the corner of his eyes as he nurtured his quickly reddening skin.
It reminded him too much of his first meeting with Yu. Maybe more the second. Both times were a bicycle crash, as his luck would have it.
He about to curse out whoever had knocked into him (yes, okay, even though it was his fault), but when he met Suzuki’s eyes his breath caught in his throat.
She was pretty. Not drop-dead gorgeous like Rise or flashy like Ebihara. It was a quiet, delicate sort of pretty, kind of similar to Saki. She was different from her, though—she had a light in her eyes that drew him in. Also, she had a pretty big red spot on her forehead. He wasn’t really paying attention after that; she had said something—probably a rushed apology—and offered her hand. Yosuke took it, marveling the softness of her palm. Despite his lateness, they exchanged names and numbers, and he left school in a daze.
“I’m so sorry! Please contact me if there’s anything I can do to make up for it!” Suzuki had exclaimed. He must’ve been a pitiful sight to look at, if the jeers and laughter from his coworkers and Teddie at his shift had anything to say about it later, but he was glad, because their friendship grew from there.
That night, after ruminating on Suzuki, Yosuke got out of the shower and called Yu. They called on the weekdays when their schedules weren’t as fluid as on the weekends, and sometimes if they ran out of things to say, they’d still stay on the line and Yosuke would grumble about the last-minute homework he’d be doing, or Yu would comment on his book he was reading from time to time.
In the beginning, Yosuke had bought the cheapest phone plan since no one really called him, not even his old city friends who promised to keep in contact. He thoroughly learned his mistake when he got charged by the minute during his long calls with Yu, and immediately switched to an unlimited plan.
Yu picks up on the second ring, just like usual, and Yosuke’s greeted by his warm voice. “Hey, what’s up, partner?”
“Nothing much,” Yosuke lies. After he regained some rational thought after Chie hung up on him, he rushed a quick text to tell her to keep Suzuki’s confession a secret. He added on that he wanted to be the one who shared the news, and Chie had simply sent a “:P” face in response, which he hoped was an affirmative.
He still didn’t want to tell Yu, or rather, he wasn’t ready to tell him yet. Yu once told him that he tended to act before he thought, but it seemed in this case, Yosuke couldn’t even find the thought anymore.
“Have you booked your train tickets?” Yosuke asks instead, drying off his hair with his towel.
“Yep. I’ll be arriving on the 23rd, but it’ll be in the evening, so that we have more time to hang out. If it’s too late, you guys don’t have to pick me up,” Yu adds.
“Nah, man, it’s fine. Even if you say that, we’re all psyched to see you again, so everyone will probably be there regardless,” Yosuke says warmly. He’s smiling already, excited at the prospect of gathering everyone together again. “Hopefully another disaster doesn’t strike again, right, partner?” Yosuke jokes.
The first time Yu came to visit, it was during Golden Week, and they were dragged into another mystery in the TV world. It was good timing on Yu’s part, but the events left them a little worn, and their celebrations were cut short. The following summer visit was much more peaceful, but now that it was winter, perhaps fate had something in plan for them again.
“Inaba just can’t get enough of me,” Yu replies, and Yosuke laughs. “That, or you’re just a disaster magnet. Speaking of, how’s being student council president? Is it more or less fun being forced into it?”
“Don’t even mention that,” Yu says, but his tone is light. “I don’t think I can get out of it at this point.”
“I didn’t even think you wanted to.”
“Well, I didn’t sign up, and I’m already doing a bunch of other things, so if I’m president on top of all of that…” Yu trails off.
“Seems like a regular day in the life of Narukami Yu?” Yosuke tries.
Yu huffs out a laugh. “Maybe. But I won’t have as much time to talk to you if I don’t figure something out.”
Yosuke feels his heart warm a bit at that and he changes tactics. “Alright, I’ve got your back then, partner. Just tell me who, and I’ll put the good ol’ Yosuke charm on them.”
“I want to step down, not get fired,” Yu clarifies.
“You shouldn’t doubt me, partner. I even….” Luckily, Yosuke catches himself before he spills his whole deal with Suzuki. He coughs to cover up his awkward pause and changes the subject. “Are you alright spending Christmas and the New Year here?”
Yu hums, indicating he’s noticed, but like with many things, he lets them go for Yosuke’s sake. He plays along, easily replying, “Yeah, I’m sure. Holidays are even busier for my parents, and I actually have people I want to spend it with this time, so I told them not to worry about coming back for me this year. I think they were probably relieved, too.”
“No way, man,” Yosuke quickly denies. “I’m sure they wanted to make it back to spend it with you. In fact, they’re probably crying together now about how their little baby’s all grown up now, wanting to spend Christmas outside and all that.”
“Maybe,” Yu replies amicably, neither affirming nor denying. To be frank, Yosuke doesn’t believe in what he’s said either, but he’s sure somewhere deep down, Yu’s parents care for him. It’s better than pointing out how unfairly they treat Yu, Yosuke’s learned, so the only other method Yosuke has is to play the other side. He’s not sure if it’s working, but at least Yu feels comfortable talking with him about it now, which is more than he could’ve hoped for.
“What did you get me for the holidays?” Yu asks, and Yosuke gawks.
“Don’t joke about that. I’m still paying off the debt to my dad for my scooter. I don’t even have any more tears left to cry.” Sure enough, whether Yu was in Inaba or not, his clumsiness still stayed the same. After a series of freak accidents, his scooter ended up as another punchline to one of the universe’s jokes, as Yosuke could do nothing but watch on the sidelines as his scooter got crushed by an electric power line that was loosened from a nasty thunderstorm. Luckily, no one was hurt, except Yosuke’s heart and wallet.
Yu’s warm and quiet laughter never fails to lift Yosuke’s mood, and they chatted idly until midnight. Yu sends him off with a See you soon, which makes Yosuke’s heart spin and wring itself out and then spin again. He returns the farewell, and lays in bed with his eyes wide open long after he’s hung up, thinking of Chie and her stupid bets and Suzuki and Yu, Yu, Yu—
--
When they’d beat each other up on the riverbank, Yosuke felt they were finally equals in name. But it wasn’t until winter came and Yu’s world fell apart that Yosuke finally felt that. To even witness Yu’s vulnerability—something he didn’t show just anyone—made him understand what ‘equals’ even meant to Yosuke.
It meant that, even if they were battered and bruised, they’d bare all their weakness with the trust that they’d take care of the other.
Yosuke felt that he’d grown a lot ever since meeting Yu. But most of that growth was realized through self-introspection much later, or from an idle comment from Yu or Chie. But there were times that Yosuke could clearly feel the difference between the person he was in that moment and the person he was one, two, even three months ago. And when he wound his arms around Yu and held his head to his chest as if he could shield him from all the pain the world, he could keenly feel himself change under the weight of responsibility—the weight of the suddenly so fragile boy in his arms; one whose mask had cracked so deeply that Yosuke could finally stand a chance of understanding who Yu really was.
Growing up meant ignoring all the embarrassment and shame that rose along with vulnerability. It meant opening up his arms when he wanted nothing more than to shove his headphones over his ears and turn away from the world. It meant letting Yu in when he was weak and pathetic and annoying, because there was going to be a day where Yu would open his own door, and Yosuke wouldn’t miss that for anything.
It also meant that, after Nanako was safe and alive and recovering, he was glued to Yu more often than not, up until his last day in Inaba. It meant that whenever Yu came back to visit, he’d wrap an arm around Yosuke’s waist when no one was looking, and Yosuke would cling onto him, trying to wrap an arm around his shoulder despite their height difference or just simply pressing against him, just to let Yu know he was there.
It meant that their relationship got a little too touchy-feely for normal guy friends, but they weren’t normal friends, so that was fine. It was still really embarrassing for Yosuke, though, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. If it were him before—more insecure and more sensitive—he’d long ago thrown off Yu’s touch with a touch of anger. But, shit, they’d caught a serial killer, went through heaven and hell together, and defeated a goddess together. Yeah, they weren’t normal friends. They were partners. And it put a lot of things into perspective for Yosuke.
He wonders if that’s why he can’t accept Suzuki’s confession. Yu is his most important person, but if Yosuke suddenly got a girlfriend, wouldn’t they start competing for his attention and time? Yosuke indulges himself in a comedic fantasy where Suzuki and Yu are in a boxing ring, summoning Personas to battle against each other. What kind of Persona would Suzuki have? Maybe one from the Moon arcana or something…
They tie for the first two rounds, but Yu wins the third by a narrow margin. The match is concluded, and Yu is declared the winner, but Yosuke still feels that his logic has some holes.
Maybe he’s afraid that he won’t be as close to Yu if he goes out with Suzuki. But that possibly couldn’t be true. No, Yosuke could probably balance it. Clumsily, at first, but Yosuke had long ago accepted that unfortunate aspect about him.
Suzuki is kind, to the point of flustered awkwardness. It’s super fun to tease her, because her cheeks get red, and she flounders her arms around like a fish out of water while stuttering out a retort. But she’s a little too kind sometimes, so Yosuke wants to watch out for her, so she doesn’t get taken advantage of. He’s imagined before, in some alternate universe where she was born two years earlier and in the same grade as Yosuke, that she’d be the one to truly reach out her hand to him when he’d first transferred to Inaba. That, of all people, she’d be the one to instantly look past the Junes boy and see the real him.
That alone sends a little pang to his chest. But Suzuki is two years younger than him and while she’s special to him, it’s not the same special that he chased after like a holy grail. He’d long ago loosened his hold on that obsession, against a fence post next to his partner while he wistfully stared over their neighborhood.
Those idle days he spent with her, chatting about old artists and new songs and compositions, they were special. It was a certain, charming, fond special, one that didn’t have to become anything more, because what they had was enough for Yosuke.
Yosuke gets up from his bed, laughing at himself a little. When had he gotten so wise? Everyone should be jealous of him. He sets his alarm clock and crawls under the sheets, running scenarios in his head about how to best let Suzuki down gently.
--
Yu arrives precisely at 7:35 PM, and Nanako is the first to jump up into his arms, and they spin a little as Yu tries not to fall on his ass. Second is Rise, who at least graciously waits for the cousins to finish their greeting before pouncing on him, squeezing Nanako in between them like a sandwich. It doesn’t really matter though because everyone else only lags by a millisecond, and they all nearly fall into the tracks in a body pile as everyone is clinging onto each other by the threads of their clothes.
It’s the third time this has happened, and it happens the same exact way each time. With the addition of Rise and Naoto, who got the opportunity to come by Inaba for Christmas this year, everyone is high on the festivities and celebration.
Yu laughs and everyone is talking over each other and because it’s late and cold out, they only dawdle by the train station for a very short hour and a half before Yu meanders home with Nanako hand-in-hand, the IT surrounding them like his personal bodyguards.
Said bodyguards are gradually lost at each street intersection as they return to their own homes, until it’s just Teddie and Yosuke with the pair of cousins as Yukiko and Chie wave good-bye.
Teddie’s been staying in the TV world more often now that it wasn’t so gloomy and gross, so Yosuke had nearly cried tears of joy (and definitely nothing else) at having his room to himself again. However, as he’s clinging onto Yu’s leg and crying a stream of tears, Yosuke can tell the moment he gets it in his head to stay at Yosuke’s for the night, because he knows Yosuke’s always the first and last to see Yu. Maybe not consciously—Yosuke doesn’t think he’s aware enough for that—but Yosuke still gnashes his teeth and tries to find some excuse to drive Teddie back into the TV world for the night.
Yu saves him, comforting Teddie with a reassuring head pat and a promise to see him early morning tomorrow. Teddie sniffs and agrees with a wet voice, and Nanako giggles at the absurdity of it all. Teddie starts, his eyes lit up with an idea.
“Sensei, how about if I sleep over in your room instead?” Teddie cries out, and Yu smiles kindly, ruffling Teddie’s windswept hair.
“No.”
Teddie dejectedly returns to the TV world through the Dojima’s family TV (watching Ted somehow fit through that tiny screen like a human worm makes Yosuke balk) and the three of them catch up by the table with tea and snacks Nanako’s prepared in advance. Because of the thunderstorm that destroyed Yosuke’s scooter, Dojima is busy at the station due to the destruction the power line caused to the adjacent apartment building. Yosuke knows Yu doesn’t mind, though, because he knows that Dojima wanted to greet him at the station more than anything, and that knowledge alone is enough for him.
Nanako’s eyes start to droop, and Yu puts her to bed, and Yosuke follows Yu upstairs to his room. As soon as Yu closes his door, Yosuke feels his shoulders sag in relief, and he sighs loudly.
Finally alone, Yosuke thinks with giddiness.
He closes the distance and wraps his arms around Yu, burying his head in his shoulder. It smells a little musty from the train, but underneath it is Yu’s scent, and it’s so familiar it calms him completely. Yu returns the hug, pulling him a little closer.
“Did you miss me that much?” Yu jokes, running his hand through Yosuke’s hair.
“Yeah,” Yosuke admits. “Missed you lots.”
He can feel Yu’s laugh more than he hears it, and Yu’s nose brushes against his cheek as he dips his head down. “Me too.”
They hold each other like that for a while, the room dimly lit from the light of the moon and stars from Yu’s parted curtain. This is definitely embarrassing, Yosuke thinks, but he feels so happy that he can deal with it. This is precisely why Teddie is not allowed to intrude on their private partner time, because Yosuke doesn’t have enough of that as it is. As usual, he’s a little annoyed at Yu’s popularity, but it doesn’t matter because that also means that more people know how amazing his partner is, and everyone should know, because Yu is a literal saint walking on this earth.
Except when he makes fun of Yosuke about his nurse… thing, and when he convinces Yosuke to try the expired food from the back of the Dojima’s fridge with him, and when he laughs at him when his stray cats ignore Yosuke when he’s trying to feed them.
Other than that, yeah. Probably perfect—even with all his human flaws and his obsession with bulleted lists and altruism and cats. His partner was perfect.
“Teddie could be here right now, joining in with us,” Yu suddenly brings up. From the tone of voice, Yosuke can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “Should we call him back?”
“Absolutely not,” Yosuke says. “He’s already complained to me about how it’s unfair I get the most ‘exclusive Sensei time’. Which was fine because I can make up some excuse, but when he started crying wolf to the others, they all started to wonder why I get exclusive Sensei time, too.”
Yu doesn’t hold his laughter this time, rumbling it into the fabric of Yosuke’s shirt. “And what did you say?”
Yosuke remembers that day when he was cornered by half of the Investigation Team, the members looking for him either being popcorn-eating gossips or jealous popcorn-eating gossips. He was mortified, but also feeling strangely prideful, so the answer he ended up saying was…
It’s not my fault he likes me the most. We’re partners, after all, so of course he’s closest to me.
Yosuke feels his face heat by ten degrees as he recalls the memory. The IT booed his lackluster response, but the teasing that came after made Yosuke want to dig a six feet hole to bury himself in each time.
“Don’t remember,” Yosuke quickly lies. “I mean, I probably just said it’s ‘cause we’re partners. Of course we’re close.”
“Oh,” Yu says. “Although, Yukiko told me there was something else you said, too—”
“What? No, I didn’t say anything else. Don’t believe all the things they tell you, they’re no better than those housewives in the Junes lobby,” Yosuke quickly defends, his hands restlessly rubbing up and down on Yu’s back as if he could distract him from what he was about to say.
“Really? That’s a bummer. I wanted to ask if you liked me the most, too.” Yu efficiently completes his attack, and Yosuke’s sure that now you could even fry an egg on his face. He thumps Yu’s back, crying, “Oh come on, partner, you just got back. Lay it off for tonight, and it’s almost Christmas, too—c’mon, open your heart up, find some mercy in it!”
Yosuke resignedly stares at the back of Yu’s bedroom door as he waits for Yu’s laughing fit to subside. He always laughed quietly, but the tremors in his back underneath Yosuke’s fingers tell him exactly how funny he thinks Yosuke’s embarrassment is. Bastard.
“Shrine?” Yu asks after he’s quieted down.
“Tomorrow?” Yosuke asks, perking up on the topic change.
“Mm. Want to visit the fox before it gets too busy.”
“Sure. Just us?”
“We can go in the morning, let Nanako sleep in a bit. We can grab Teddie if you want.”
“Nah. Got to make the most of my exclusive Sensei time.”
Yu chuckles again, and Yosuke feels him sigh contentedly.
“Yosuke… have you thought about university yet?” In the time they’ve been talking, their voices have naturally quietened, low and husky in the private ambiance of the night, and in Yu’s voice, Yosuke hears a tinge of nervousness.
“Of course,” Yosuke scoffs. “I’m not that much of a slacker.” He chews on his lips in thought. “…Actually, I’ve been thinking that…”
He feels an encouraging rub of Yu’s thumb against his waist.
“I wanna go to the same university as you,” Yosuke finishes.
“Oh,” Yu exclaims. “Good. I wanted to ask if you wanted to live together.”
“Aren’t you gonna laugh?” Yosuke asks. He knows Yu would never, but it’s the only way Yosuke knows how to express his own resentment at himself. “Getting into the same university as you? With my grades? There’s no way.”
Yu takes a second to respond, thinking carefully. “You’re really clever, Yosuke, and you pick things up pretty fast—you just need the right guiding hand. I wish I could be here to help you study. You’d pass for sure. But even if you don’t get in, we could still live together in the city.”
“If you say so,” Yosuke says, sighing. “I want to, but I’ll have to look into it.”
“Alright,” Yu agrees, and he pulls back a little so they can see each other. Yosuke’s eyes have long adjusted to the dimness, and he can make out Yu’s features, his light colored hair and eyes practically shining in the dark. He has a crooked smile on, his eyes crinkled at the ends. “You can do it. And then you can get exclusive Sensei time seven days a week.”
“I don’t know who will hunt me down first, Rise or Teddie. God, maybe even Nanako,” Yosuke muses.
Yu ruffles his hair like he’d done with Teddie, and his hand slips down to cup his face. Yosuke leans into the warmth of his palm. “Staying the night?” Yu asks and Yosuke nods. “Told my parents I would already.”
“You’re sure confident. If things had gone differently, you’d be sharing a futon with Teddie right about now.”
“Yeah, no. I have enough nightmares, thanks,” Yosuke says drily.
“About what?” Yu asks, and he furrows his brow in genuine concern.
Yosuke reaches to pinch his cheek. “I’m just kidding, you dork.”
“Okay,” Yu drawls out a little, indicating he doesn’t fully believe him. “Anything else you wanna talk about?”
Yosuke’s mind flashes to Suzuki for a split second, but he shakes his head. “Bed. You look wiped, partner.”
As if on cue, Yu yawns. “Had to finish a lot of work before I could come ‘ere…” Yu mumbles. “So many last-minute requests…”
“Remember what we said? Delegation, not deals, man,” Yosuke chides.
“Mmm.” Yu rubs his eye with his free hand. “What was it? ‘Delegation doesn’t make you a dick.’”
“I just said it so it would be easy to remember!” Yosuke bristles. “You don’t need to repeat it.”
“Okay, okay,” Yu placates. “I got you, partner.” He looks at Yosuke sleepily, sporting a lazy grin. Yosuke feels like he’s definitely gotten way better at deciphering his partner’s expressions, or maybe Yu is open with him in a way he isn’t with the others, but Yosuke anticipates it before it happens.
Every time they meet or part, when they’re alone in the dark, they will welcome their greetings or farewells with a kiss.
As Yu leans forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, something clicks in his brain and Yosuke wonders why this particular thing hasn’t been the first reason in his Reject Suzuki plan.
“I missed you,” Yu mumbles against the space between their mouths, and Yosuke’s thoughts of Suzuki—or anything, really—are thrown far, far, away.
--
It started on a drunk summer night, the both of them buzzed on Dojima’s stash that Yu assured him he wouldn’t be missing. No, if Yosuke was going to be precise, it really started that bleak December, where the two had been in Yu’s room the way they were right now, drunk off their asses (tipsy at best, in all honesty). Much like that summer night, they drank to forget about upcoming departures, although Yosuke admits it was a lot less depressing the second time they did it.
The winter without Nanako or Dojima in the house was spent pressed side-to-side with each other watching TV infomercials in Yu’s room, his work table littered with beer bottles and Junes pre-packed meals. Yosuke would hold Yu sometimes, stroke his hair or brush their hands together. That night, he was hugging Yu tightly, thinking that drinking sure wasn’t a good idea after all, because there was no faster way to trigger Yu’s inevitable mental breakdown than alcohol and a really gloomy movie. Yosuke was doing everything to try to make things better, but because of his own inhibited state, he put his foot in his mouth faster than Yu could blink, if the slight maniacal laughter from Yu was anything to go by. So, Yosuke decided to abandon verbal comfort completely, and he switched to plan B.
Yosuke ended up kissing him. That wasn’t part of the plan at all, but it happened, and it drew Yu back to himself a little—at least he stopped crying for a shocked second—and then Yosuke did it again until the next time he was fully conscious and aware of his surroundings was the next morning. Yu got a call from the hospital, and after that was visits and team meetings and business. They never talked about it, not even after the case was solved, but the day before Yu left, he kissed Yosuke on the forehead with a knowing sort of smile.
On subsequent visits, this habit continued. As soon as it was just the two of them, Yu would lean in; a touch of his lips by his eye or on his nose bridge; once on his cheekbone, another on his fingers. It was driving Yosuke crazy.
Because even though this was Yu’s third time coming back to Inaba, Yosuke’s gone to visit Yu in his home three times already. It’s not that easy getting the whole weekend off, but if he makes a deal with his dad to work longer on the weekdays and plays up Yu’s accomplishments, his parents let him stay at Yu’s for a night or two. It works out since Yu can clear up his schedule easier if he doesn’t have to factor in travel time, and they get to hang out with just the two of them.
Every single time, without fail, Yu would press a kiss on his cheek and send him off at the train station.
Summer 2012, Inaba. Yosuke had drunk a couple cans of something, and all he was thinking about as he stared at Yu’s bedroom ceiling was that. The kissing thing, and also that the ceiling seemed to have patterns and also those patterns were moving, and he was considering asking Yu about it because he wanted it to stop. It was making him dizzy.
It was nighttime. Their own little afterparty, albeit a sad one if it was just the two of them, but Yosuke hadn’t minded. The rest of the IT had gone home and Nanako was in bed and Dojima was still at work. In other words, a perfect end to the evening. Except for that.
Yu seemed to be as normal as ever, watching his little TV intently. Nothing seemed off about him, aside from the light flush across his cheeks. In retrospect, Dojima definitely noticed the beer bottles missing when he came back from the hospital last winter, but in his own weird way of caring, the cans in the fridge were definitely stronger. And better-tasting.
It was his way of expressing gratitude, Yosuke realized months later, after stocking some identical-looking cans in Junes.
He blamed it on the alcohol, anyway, for when he grabbed Yu by the shoulders and kissed him on the mouth. He blamed the stupid fruity taste that made it easy to chug down four cans at once when he pushed Yu down on his little sofa, hands fisted in his shirt as he peppered kisses all over Yu’s flushed skin.
He was definitely not drunk, but far enough to be tangling his body with his partner’s, chest heaving and something in him snapping, meeting Yu’s shining eyes with mortification and anger in his own.
“It’s not… it’s not gay, is it?” Yosuke had asked. “The kissing—it’s—it’s not, right? We can keep doing it?”
And Yu tilted his head curiously—he’d drank considerably less, given his stellar self-discipline and all, whatever—but something clicked for him, and he nodded.
“‘cause we’re partners,” Yu slurred, and Yosuke took it as fact.
Yu tilted his head up after that, pressing his lips into his, and it was the longest they’d ever kissed. After the initial rush of heat and panic, Yosuke’s brain slowed, and like Yu’s other touches, it became soft, peaceful, and easy. There was something still innocent in it, just like bumping shoulders or swinging an arm around his shoulder. That alone was enough to convince Yosuke, but after that night, Yu was careful to avoid his mouth, although sometimes, Yosuke would catch his eyes flickering to it, but he’d never tell him that he’d noticed.
--
“It’s snowing,” Yosuke observes, fanning out his gloved hands to catch one of the tiny snowflakes in the frigid morning air.
Yu tugs up his scarf so that it covers his mouth. “Just in time for Christmas, huh?”
The shopping district is barren, although Yu recognizes one or two people milling about and greets them with a wave. By the time they get to the red torii gate, it’s already covered in a fine dusting of white. Yosuke’s not expecting to see anyone so early, and especially not on Christmas Eve, but as him and Yu walk closer, he sees a short figure by the entrance.
“Suzuki?” Yosuke calls.
“Oh!” Suzuki startles, dropping the trinket she has in her hand. It tinkles when it hits the stone ground, and Yosuke goes to pick it up. It’s a bell with a tassel, and Suzuki hurriedly grabs it back from him. “Ack! Sorry, you surprised me!” Yosuke doesn’t miss the way she quickly shoves it into her pocket and hides her hands behind her back.
“Yosuke-senpai, Narukami-senpai! Good morning, and welcome back, Narukami-senpai! Have you returned for winter break? How long are you staying? What are you two doing at the shrine at this hour?” Suzuki rapid-fires her questions, and she nervously shuffles as she recognizes her bad habit.
“Suzuki-san,” Yu nods to her. “It’s nice to see you again. Yes, I’m here until the New Years. We’re just offering some prayers in case it gets crowded later.”
Yu glances at Yosuke, and he gives Yu a quick nod of understanding.
“Suzuki-san, I’ll go ahead and offer my prayers first, if that’s alright?” Yu asks.
“Oh, sure, go ahead! I’ve already finished mine.”
Yosuke watches as Yu heads to the temple, and he motions to Suzuki. “Let’s chat here, the wall will block the wind.” And any foxes that come out.
“What’re you praying for that’s got you up so early?” Yosuke jokes, hands deep in his pockets. He can see their breaths when they speak, and Suzuki giggles timidly.
“I just wanted to get my lucky charm blessed. I take a while to gather my thoughts, so I like to pray when there’s no one around. It makes it easier to focus.”
“That bell you dropped?”
Suzuki flushes a little. “Y-yes. I want it to help me grant my wishes…”
The atmosphere gets a little stale as Suzuki drops her gaze to the ground. Yosuke scratches the back of his neck. It took him a while to figure out his feelings, but by then Yu had already come back to Inaba, so he hadn’t had the time to contact Suzuki yet.
“Hey, Suzuki—” Yosuke starts, but suddenly Suzuki bows deeply, interrupting him with a loud, “I’m sorry, Yosuke-senpai!”
Instinctively, Yosuke looks around to see if any witnesses are lurking nearby. There’s no one, thankfully.
“I—I confessed to you at the end of the term because I knew that if things went badly I wouldn’t have to see you for two weeks, so I could put off facing you for a little bit. I’m sorry I’m such a coward! You shouldn’t have to be worrying about it over the holidays, especially since Narukami-senpai came back to visit…”
“N-no, that’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about, too,” Yosuke says sheepishly, lowering his voice as if to make up for Suzuki’s volume. “Alright, how about this? I’ll give you my reply once the term starts. Until then, neither of us thinks about it at all, and we just treat it as if it hasn’t happened yet. That way, we can enjoy the festival worry-free.”
He holds out his hand with a lopsided grin. “Don’t worry, though. I’ll still treat it seriously and give it a lot of thought, okay?”
Suzuki peers out from her bangs and gingerly straightens her posture. She shakes Yosuke’s hand, face an even deeper shade of red. “You’re really too nice, Yosuke-senpai. I’m sorry again.”
Yosuke can’t resist reaching over and ruffling her hair. “Don’t sweat it.”
“So… does that mean you’re going to the festival?” Suzuki asks. “You’re going to go with Chie-senpai and Narukami-senpai, right?”
“Yeah, and some of our other friends who came to visit,” Yosuke says. “Say, you’ve heard the rumors about Risette, right…?”
“Risette… does she really come back to Inaba on holidays?” Suzuki gapes. “Don’t tell me you’re also going with her?”
“You’ll just have to come to the festival and find out,” Yosuke teases, finger over his mouth in a shush sign.
“Wow, you really do have a lot of friends, Yosuke-senpai. I can’t believe there’s more you haven’t even told me about.” Suzuki’s in awe, but there’s a bit of disappointment mixed with it.
“Well, it was really all because of Yu…” Yosuke trails off, wondering how to explain it without mentioning anything about TVs or serial killers or bear mascots.
“What was because of me?” Yu peers over the corner, and Yosuke exclaims, “Oh, done already?”
“Yeah. Want me to head back first?”
Suzuki waves her hands in dismissal. “Oh, no, don’t worry about me. I have to go prepare breakfast for my siblings. I’ll see you guys around, though! Oh, and Merry Christmas!”
The opposing pair parrot the phrase in unison, and Suzuki hurries back home. Yu’s eyes follow her disappearing figure, and he comments, “She really reminds me of you.”
“Huh?!” Yosuke exclaims. “What part?”
“The fidgety awkwardness.”
Yosuke shoves Yu for that, and they fall into step as they return back to the Dojima residence. “Take it back, partner. I’m definitely not that clumsy.”
Yu gives him a look, and Yosuke holds his hands up in the air in surrender. “Haven’t I told you about Suzuki’s falls? Or that one time she tipped over all the bikes in the bike rack? Or what about that time she spilled a whole can of paint in the hallway?”
“Like I said, she really reminds me of you.”
“Jerk,” Yosuke says, and Yu huffs out a laugh. “How was the fox?”
Yu’s smile stills. It’s a subtle movement, one that Yosuke took a long time to recognize. “The fox didn’t come. Probably because it’s too cold, or because there’s no high school boy running around town fulfilling emas now.”
“You think it’s okay?”
“Yeah. It was there last time I visited. I’ll come again when it warms a bit in the spring. If nothing else, I’ll offer a bit more money,” Yu jokes.
Yosuke parts way with Yu at the intersection. As much as he wants to stay glued to Yu, he’s got his own home to return to. Plus, as much as Nanako loves ‘Yosuke-nii’, he’s a thousand percent sure she loves Yu way more. Best to let her enjoy Yu’s special holiday breakfast on her own.
When Yosuke unlocks the front door, Teddie barrels into him, wrapping his human arms around his midsection.
“Yoooosukeeeee!” Teddie cries. “I’m here for Christmas! Where’s Sensei?”
Thus, starts the progression of a long, long, holiday celebration. Yosuke’s almost annoyed, but he can’t fight the grin that grows on his face.
--
The town of boring, old Inaba decided to hold a New Year’s festival, half-celebrating the end of the string of murders from the previous year. It was the first time something like this had been implemented on such a grand scale, but everyone was cheery as they hung decorations in the shopping district and some of the food stalls—cough, mostly Junes—prepared some free samples and paid delicacies.
There were also games for the kids, and performances on the street by the flood plain, groups singing holiday songs and foreign English carols. It’s a little similar to the summer festival, but there’s still not that much to do. Yosuke doesn’t mind at all, since if he’s with his friends, then any place becomes enjoyable.
Yosuke wraps the scarf Yu got him over his neck and half-drags Teddie out of the door with him. “Come on, Ted, we’re gonna be late.”
“But I don’t know which sweater I should wear, Yosuke! Should I wear the one Kanji-kun gave me? Or Sensei’s? Or Rise-chan’s?!”
“Whatever, just choose one. Whichever one you pick won’t look worse than Yu’s.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“You’ll see,” Yosuke ominously replies.
Teddie ends up wearing all three, and because he’s not fully human, aside from the minor physical discomfort of looking like a Russian doll, he pulls off the look with pride. They meet with the rest of the group, and Yukiko delves into a laughing fit (the second of the night) as she sees Teddie. They both gravitate to Yu right away, and Teddie waves his arms in amazement.
“Wow, Sensei, your sweater is so beary stylish!”
It’s one of those ugly Christmas sweaters dialed to the max. There’s a pop-out cat with a Christmas hat knitted on it, and it’s playing with real bulb lights that are strung across the belly of the sweater. As a bonus, they actually light up if you press the button on the side, which is what they’re doing right now as Yu encourages Teddie to jab his finger into his abdomen. The lights twinkle and blink obnoxiously, illuminating the sown Merry Christmas in green yarn underneath it.
It's also his Christmas gift to Yu, although half of it is also a bad prank, almost, because Yosuke knew he’d wear it, in public, unashamed and proud. As long as it had a cat on it, Yu would don anything.
Yukiko almost chokes on her laughter and Chie tries to remind her to breathe. Kanji’s struggling to not say anything, obviously affronted by the artistic choices of such a fine piece of material, and Rise is also having trouble finding the bright side of this situation.
“If we all surround him, then we will minimize the amount of people who see the sweater,” Naoto analyzes. “If Yu-senpai would turn off those blinking lights, we will have a high chance of enjoying the festival with minimal stares.”
“I think it’s nice,” Yu comments, although he is largely ignored.
“He’s not going to take that thing off, is he?” Chie asks rhetorically.
“Where in the world did—snrk!—he even find something so… unique?” Yukiko asks. “I’d like to know… for research purposes.”
Yu’s face brightens. “Oh, actually—”
Yosuke dives forward just in time, knocking Yu off-balance and effectively shutting him up. “Why don’t we just split up? Rock-paper-scissors. Loser gets stuck with Yu.”
There’s a silence as everyone calculates the chances of losing. That chance is apparently high enough that he gets booed at by some of the members of the team.
“Forget it. Who cares if people are starin’ at us? Let’s all go together,” Kanji amends, and everyone unanimously agrees.
“Plus,” Naoto adds. “We will be meeting with Dojima-san and Nanako-chan later. By then, we will have nothing to fear.” It was true. Dojima’s glare could kill from a mile away.
“Hear, hear!” Rise chimes. “Let’s get this party started, then!”
They drift through the festival, laughing and joking with ease. There’s a certain simplicity to it, that they could enjoy this time together with no worries or responsibilities or the threat of a serial killer over their heads. In that moment it’s just Yosuke and his friends, in a bubble of their own world that they fought tooth-and-nail to have, and he knows he won’t forget this for a long time coming.
Yu and Chie usher in the rest of the IT to have a soba eating contest, which ends up in a draw between Yu and Chie, along with four burnt mouths. Teddie trips and falls into the kiddie pool that’s swimming with plastic fishes, meant for children to catch with magnetic mini rods. He bemoans the three soggy sweaters, and it’s sorry enough that Yosuke only laughs for a minute straight instead of five. Yukiko shows them how to make the best bamboo decorations, and Yosuke gawks as Kanji’s and Yu’s match Yukiko’s example perfectly, while his looks like something he dug out of the garbage.
He catches Suzuki sometime between the soba contest and Lantern-Making Incident #3, and he gives a friendly wave. She’s walking with her younger sister and her even younger brother, and she returns the wave shyly.
They catch Nanako and Dojima by the Christmas carolers later, Nanako eagerly singing and clapping along on Dojima’s shoulders, dressed in a Santa hat and a puffy coat. Dojima has something in his mouth which Yosuke thinks is a cigarette, until he comes closer and realizes it’s a plastic straw that’s been anxiously chewed to death. After Yosuke stands to listen to the Christmas carolers for five minutes, he understands Dojima’s path to insanity. Nanako’s singing is cute, but listening her butcher the English off-key repeatedly is bound to push the strongest man to his knees eventually.
Thankfully, Nanako stops singing as soon as Yu comes into sight.
“Wow big bro!” she exclaims. “Your sweater is so nice! Where’d you get it from?”
Dojima has a less excited reaction, his eye twitching. He stares at his nephew for a very long time, as if he were investigating a crime scene. He prepares a very tough smile, wonky and twisted, chewed-up straw stuck between his teeth. “It’s… certainly something.”
“It was a gift,” Yu says, and he holds out his arms. Nanako slides into them easily. She perches on Yu’s shoulder, and just like that, the Dojimas are added to their ragtag party.
“Dad, can I get a sweater like big bro’s?” Nanako asks, and Yosuke can see his jaw tightening as he clenches his teeth. He’s amazed the straw hasn’t snapped in half by now.
“Of course,” he says. “Next Christmas.”
Strange, Yosuke thought it’d be right up Dojima’s alley. Yu showed him the bathing shorts he bought him, after all. He makes a mental note to buy a sweater for Nanako sometime.
They go to the shrine as the clock ticks down, and a couple of people wheel in a temple bell. The shrine is pretty small, and people are clamored up, pushed in and out, the rest congested by the entrance. An elderly woman raises her hand, and the crowd quiets.
“May everyone have a prosperous new year, devoid of distractions and impurities. We pray for health, happiness, and longevity. May we take last year’s misfortunes and move on to the next with hope in our hearts!”
Yosuke’s heart pangs as he thinks of Saki, and in the crowd he thinks he can see Naoki. He looks to Yu, who has a similar expression on his face, looking ahead at all the people in front of him, his eyes distant and wistful.
“We begin the 108 bell rings, in order to drive away the 108 desires for the upcoming year,” the woman continues. “Let us begin.”
She hammers the bell, which is big enough to resound across half the shopping district. She continues, solemnly, and Yosuke starts to get impatient by the 15th ring. To give Yu’s arms a break, Nanako’s being carried by Dojima, which leaves his partner free for Yosuke to press his cold face onto his shoulder. The sweater’s yarn itches his face, and he stifles a yawn as he discreetly wraps an arm around Yu’s.
Yosuke falls asleep for a little bit, jerked awake by the woman’s voice and the sudden cheers of Happy New Year! Fireworks are lit in front of the shrine, and Yosuke spots some couples kissing. He blushes a little, and then gets angry at himself for being embarrassed like a girl. He turns his face to find that Yu’s already looking at him, with the same knowing smile he gave him before he left Inaba.
“How ‘bout it?” Yu whispers under his breath, and Yosuke’s face flushes even deeper. He knows he’s just teasing him, but Yosuke starts to imagine it. Doing it so brazenly with Dojima and Nanako and their friends only a heartbeat away, just like those other couples who saw nothing but each other in their partner’s eyes, kissing like it was the end of the world.
“Dude, shut up,” Yosuke quickly grits out, pushing Yu a little too roughly. He knocks him into Teddie, who doesn’t mind in the least, clinging onto Yu and saying, “Happy New Year, Sensei!”
The rest of the IT follow suit, tearing their eyes away from the fireworks display to hug each other and cheer. Yosuke’s still too distracted from the mental image Yu gave him to even register Rise hugging him, a quick squeeze that should’ve given him a mental high for the next month or so.
People start trinkling out of the shrine, and the team follows, talking loudly in high spirits, their voices echoing off the suddenly-so-vivid town. Nothing has changed, but for Yosuke, it still feels like it has, like that mysterious moment between yesterday and the next signaled a new beginning.
Yes—perhaps that’s what it was. A new year with a new him and new people in his life—Suzuki, Labrys, Yu. University, Susano-O, and Junes. And Inaba, his home.
The team naturally splits up after that, hovering at different stalls or just chatting in quieter spaces now that the main spectacle was over. Yosuke trails along with Yu, who walk with Dojima and Nanako. He spots Suzuki by the takoyaki stall, and he taps Yu before going to greet her.
“Happy New Year, Suzuki,” Yosuke says, and she bows with a wide smile on her face.
“Happy New Year to you, too, Yosuke-senpai!”
“Jeez, I’m beat,” Yosuke starts. “I’ve been awake since last year. I’m so exhausted.” He winks for effect, and Suzuki genuinely laughs like she always does at his bad jokes. “Are you heading home soon?”
“Yeah, I actually wanted to talk with you a bit, so you could say I’ve been waiting for you since last year,” Suzuki says, and Yosuke visibly cringes a little with his returning laugh. Saying the jokes were one thing, but being inflicted upon them were another, Yosuke realizes.
“You were hanging out in such a big group, so I was worried I wouldn’t be able to see you at all,” Suzuki continues, laughing sadly. “Oh! I did see Risette with you, too! That’s so amazing, senpai. I really envy you. You’ve got so many friends. I recognized Tatsumi-senpai and Narukami-senpai, and I could’ve been mistaken, but I thought I saw the Detective Prince, too…?”
“Ah, yeah,” Yosuke laughs a little awkwardly. “We really don’t match with each other, huh? But we went through a lot with each other, which is why we’re so close. Say, want me to ask Rise to get you an autograph?”
“Really?” Suzuki’s eyes shine. “You’d do that for me?”
“No problem. Expect it before the end of the week.” Yosuke winks again for good measure.
“Thank you!” Suzuki bows her head again, giddy. “You’re really the best, senpai! You… you’re so amazing, that sometimes I wonder how you even became friends with someone like me.”
“What are you talking about? I should be the one saying that,” Yosuke waves his hands in denial. “You’re amazing, too. Don’t forget that.”
Suzuki giggles, twisting her hands together. Her smile falters, and she sighs. “You’re really like a dream to me, Yosuke-senpai.” In her voice, Yosuke suddenly feels the depths of her feelings for him, and his chest aches in both regret and astonishment. He wonders—just how did he miss the signs? He’d never noticed this before, never thought someone would look at him in that way.
Above all, she reminds him of his old self—pieces that still remain inside him—and he weakens.
“Suzuki—” Yosuke starts, but she lurches forward, panickily waving her arms around.
“No, um, sorry, just forget what I just said! I know that was really stupid! I didn’t—WAH!”
Suzuki’s yell attracts the attention of everyone in a ten-feet radius, and they unwittingly become witnesses to Suzuki’s unfortunate fall. Her foot slips on an icy patch, and as she puts her other foot down to regain her balance, she steps on another patch of ice and falls so spectacularly that she’s on her back, leg in the air and snow in her hair.
“Shit, are you alright?” Yosuke asks, helping her up immediately.
“I think I fell on my ankle,” Suzuki mutters, wincing when she tries to put weight on it. “…and my head. I’m a little… dizzy…. This is so embarrassing.”
“It’s alright. Remember the time I told you how I ended up in a trash can when I crashed my bike?” Yosuke quickly says, trying to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry about it. Here, let’s get you home.” He doesn’t think about it as he offers his back, and Suzuki tentatively wounds her arms around his neck.
“How bad did you hit your head?” Yosuke asks.
“Umm… not that hard… I think,” Suzuki replies, which means she probably did hit it really hard. Without a second thought, Yosuke stabilizes his grip on Suzuki and stalks off in the direction of her house, trying not to jostle her too much. He hears a couple of his friends call his name, but he ignores them.
“Urgh… Yosuke-senpai, you can let me down, I’m fine,” Suzuki mutters. She absolutely doesn’t sound fine, so he ignores her.
He gets to the third lamppost down the street where Suzuki’s house is before she starts struggling like mad.
“W-Wait! Yosuke-senpai, let me down! I really didn’t hit my head that hard, I’m fine! Or at least, I’m fine now!” Suzuki cries out. “Promise, for real, seriously!”
Yosuke lets her down, mostly because he was about to drop her. The first thing she does is wince when she accidentally puts all her weight on her twisted ankle, and after that she turns around and lifts up her hair.
“See? No bump!” Suzuki says. “I was just a bit dizzy for a second. I’ve taken worse spills; they don’t hurt as nearly as bad as they look.”
Yosuke lets out a little sigh of relief. “You really put my own stunts to shame, Suzuki. I didn’t think I’d meet anyone in all of Inaba who could one-up me. Still, you should be careful. If you get a bump, make sure you have your siblings watch you tonight.”
“It’s alright,” Suzuki says. “I know what a concussion feels like.” She lets out a dry laugh. “Wouldn’t be the first.”
Yosuke holds out his hand. “C’mon, let’s get you home. You shouldn’t put weight on your ankle.” Suzuki doesn’t move, and Yosuke tilts his head. “What? Did you want another piggy-back ride?”
She doesn’t fluster like he expected, only frowns. “…To be honest, Yosuke-senpai, although you told me to not think about it, just being near you is kinda painful. I’d… rather take the ankle than your shoulder.”
“Oh,” Yosuke says. “Um, does that mean you wanna talk about it now?” Yosuke almost slaps himself in the face. Smooth, Yosuke, real smooth.
“Yeah,” Suzuki says softly. “I mean if it’s okay! I know it’s the new year and your friends and Narukami-senpai are probably waiting for you, and it’s late—”
“—This is important,” Yosuke interrupts. “They can wait.”
Suzuki’s face flushes and she avoids his gaze, leaning on the lamppost to shift weight off her ankle. It’s pitch-black and cold, and in the golden light of the streetlamp, Yosuke can see tiny snowflakes falling down.
“I… kinda knew you’d reject me,” Suzuki starts, and although her voice is quiet it feels so loud in the space between them. “Or that you didn’t feel the same way I did. But a part of me still hoped that the rumors were true, and that you’d agree with them. That we’d end up dating eventually, I mean. But seeing you and your friends after hearing about them so often the past year made me feel so lonely. And maybe a bit jealous, too. Like, I was jealous at how close they were to you, but I was also jealous of you.”
Suzuki hugs herself, squeezing tightly. “I’ve always had such a hard time making friends. To me, you’re my best and only real friend, but I know to you, I don’t even hold a candle to Narukami-senpai. I knew my confession would trouble you, maybe even irreversibly change our friendship, but I wanted to try and stand out. I… I wanted to be special to you.”
Yosuke’s thoughts go in wildly different directions. The first is the word special, which seems to shoot straight through his heart and wound back, embedding itself deeply in his chest. The second is how he wonders everyone in Inaba seemed to see right through him, when he took so much effort to figure out his feelings.
The third is how much braver Suzuki is than when he was her age—if only he had that courage when he was facing his Shadow, or when he was moving to Inaba, or even when he was conversing with Saki. How, that maybe, he didn’t deserve to be the recipient of such intense and genuine feelings, when he couldn’t possibly return them in the same way.
He ends up hugging Suzuki loosely—a friendly squeeze and a pat on her head. He feels her tense up and then loosen, sighing against his shoulder. It’s almost a shame really, because they fit together so nicely, but as Yosuke holds her he knows he won’t ever feel anything stronger for her than as a friend. Or, younger sister, even, although now doesn’t seem to be a good time to say it.
He steps back and attempts the widest grin he can manage. Suzuki wobbly returns it.
“I understand,” Yosuke says. “You might not like hearing this, but I think we’re pretty similar, actually. I don’t really like talking about this stuff, but when I moved here, I was so alone, bored, and resentful. I hated Inaba, and I hated everyone in it. No one wanted to associate with me, the Prince of Junes. It wasn’t until I met Yu that my mindset started to change. Hell, I didn’t even realize I had so much bitterness in me, but here you are, not only admitting it to yourself, but to me. If I were half as strong as you, I probably wouldn’t have had so many regrets.”
He laughs a little, not really meaning the action, and as he stares into the darkness he reminiscences while speaking, the memories of last April bittersweet.
“Don’t tell Yu this, but I was also super jealous of him, too,” Yosuke says, finally letting this deeply buried truth to light. “Everyone flocked to him, and he charmed everyone, girls, boys, and even that cranky old lady in the shopping district! We were both from the city, but he adapted to Inaba so much faster and so much better. He’s smart, capable, responsible, and just—he’s perfect, Suzuki. I was happy we were close, but I resented that he had everything I didn’t. I wanted to be special, too, but how could anyone choose me over Yu?”
“I… I would,” Suzuki says nervously.
Yosuke only softly smiles in response. “I know. The old me would’ve been ecstatic. Heck, even now I’m super flattered and also wondering if I’d accidentally tricked you into liking me or something. But I did some thinking. In between the murders and my partner and everything, I had a lot of pressure, and it made me reflect. It made me realize that Yu wasn’t perfect, that I’d put space between us by putting him on this pedestal, and that I didn’t need to find someone in order to be special—not when Yu was there all along. Even if he had a dozen people he was closer to, he was still special to me, and I realized later, I was to him, too. You’re special to me, too, Suzuki. And even if it’s not in the way you want, it doesn’t change that you’re still important to me, just like my other friends.”
He watches Suzuki mull over the words, and finally, Suzuki’s features relax, the most relaxed he’d seen her since she confessed.
“Thank you, Yosuke-senpai. I’m really grateful that I met you.”
“Me too. Bandmates?”
Suzuki looks at him with light in her eyes. She fist-bumps him. “Bandmates. Although, I keep telling you this, Yosuke-senpai, but we can’t really be a traditional band with just two members.”
“Give me a month and I’ll rope someone in, just watch. They won’t be able to say no.”
“Alright,” Suzuki agrees. “I’ll hold you to it.”
Suzuki doesn’t reject him this time when he offers her support, and she leans on him as they waddle the last stretch of road home. He rings the doorbell, and her younger sister opens the door. After some instructions to keep an eye on Suzuki and making sure to wake her every two hours in consideration of her head, he waves good-bye and makes his own way back.
Yosuke’s glad he’s finally talked to Suzuki, but it has the same effect as facing a Shadow. He’s a little tired, and plus he’s sure it’s past one now. He yawns as he turns the street to go into the shopping district, and he nearly pees his pants as he sees a shadow by the brick wall.
“Jesus, partner!” Yosuke shrilly screams. “What the heck are you doing in the dark like that! I almost thought for a second you were another—”
Serial killer, Yosuke was about to say, but he clams up just in time.
Yu tilts his head curiously. “I was worried about you carrying Suzuki-san all the way back by yourself. But I saw that she was able to stand up on her own, so I was waiting here for you to come back.”
Yosuke gawks as he realizes that the third streetlamp from here is not that far, and plus the street was totally empty, and he almost chokes on his spit as he asks, “Did you hear what we were talking about?”
“Hm?” Yu’s face is completely blank, save for the slight confusion in his eyes. “No, it looked really serious, so I didn’t want to interrupt.” He looks away, tapping his chin in thought. “Was it a confession?”
Yosuke really does choke this time on his inhale, coughing and sputtering while Yu watches.
“How—how do you do this every single time, partner?” Yosuke cries out in dismay. “Like—okay, it kinda was? I was planning to tell you, but, ugh—” He’s a little frazzled, to say the least, not having processed the last half-hour enough to present it in a neat little digestible for Yu yet.
“It’s alright. You can tell me later,” Yu says. “Let’s go back?”
Yosuke finds their walk back a little odd, but he doesn’t pinpoint it until he’s in bed after a short shower with Teddie snoring in the closet. Yu had walked with a fast pace, just enough to be out of Yosuke’s reach. Yosuke chalks it up to the cold weather, but even then, if they were alone, Yu would’ve just found some way to sneak his hands in Yosuke’s pockets.
It’s nothing, Yosuke thinks, because it’s not like they have a contract or anything that says Yu has to be glued to him 24/7. He doesn’t really mind.
--
It turns out that Yosuke does, in fact, mind a lot, because the next few days leading up to Yu’s departure are strangely cold. Yu, Yosuke means, not the weather, although the snow wasn’t helping.
After the very first day of Yu’s coldness, Yosuke dialed a number.
“What do you want?” Chie asked.
“Is that how you answer the phone? Jeez,” Yosuke said.
“Don’t you always call me when you want something from me?”
“Yeah, okay, sure. I accidentally let it slip that Suzuki confessed to me to Yu and now he’s not talking to me.”
“But you guys seemed fine earlier?”
“Okay, ‘not talking’ might be an exaggeration, but, like, he’s being colder than usual—”
“Didn’t he just warm your hands up in his while we were eating lunch?” Chie interrupted. “Weren’t you having a fun time feeding each other? Is sharing spit in front of all of us not enough?”
Yosuke flushed. “But that’s normal! Just take my word for it, Yu’s being distant! What should I do?”
“God, okay, you told him that Suzuki-chan confessed, right? What else did you tell him?”
“Um… nothing.”
“…So you didn’t tell him you rejected her. Wait, just to make sure since it’s you we’re talking about, you rejected her, right?”
“I mean, I wasn’t sure—”
“You haven’t rejected her?” Chie cried into the phone. “I thought you did it ages ago! I was looking forward to my New Year’s steak!”
“I did, okay! I did it yesterday, but it just happened after I took Suzuki home last night, so I didn’t tell partner yet and, oh, maybe he’s upset I didn’t tell him something so important sooner! He’s probably thinking we’re going out right now!” Yosuke rambled in one breath. “Okay, I’m going to call Yu, thanks and bye!” He had hung up just as he heard Chie’s ‘wait!’ and dialed Yu’s number.
“Yosuke?” Yu groggily mumbled on the fifth ring. The only problem was that it was 1 AM when Yosuke called Chie, and so it was 1 AM when he called Yu.
Yosuke almost chickened out, but he thought since he’d woken Yu up anyway, he might as well tell him what was on his mind. “I rejected Suzuki.”
Four seconds of silence. “…Okay?” Yu replied.
“I mean, I didn’t tell you today, so I just. Wanted to let you know,” Yosuke had said, starting to ring the Abort Mission bells in his head.
“Why?”
“Oh, I just—this is gonna sound stupid, I thought you were upset that I hadn’t—”
“No, why’d you reject her?”
“Oh.” Both simple questions, both to which Yosuke didn’t have simple answers to. “I wanted to spend more time with you.” There were a lot of reasons he rejected Suzuki, but with his anxiety and sleep-deprived mind, that was the reason that spilled out of his mouth.
Another four seconds of silence. Yosuke could feel his heart thumping in his chest. He wondered if it was too late to take it back.
“I’m leaving in three days,” Yu replied.
“Right, I know. I mean, more time to call you, or come visit, stuff like that.”
“Mmm. Okay. G’night, Yosuke. Sleep soon.”
Yosuke hung up, thinking that the exchange could’ve gone a lot better. He was right, because the next two days were the same way, and he’d called Chie two more times for advice. She scolded him for being an attention-hog, but also more kindly said that Yu was probably just trying to spend his time equally with everyone before he left.
Yosuke almost believed her, attributing it to Yu’s ever-present popularity and his inhuman amount of fairness of his time, but the day before Yu’s departure came, and the whole house felt like it was tilted two degrees, disorienting and off-putting.
Yosuke was sitting down by Yu’s little work table. It’s the afternoon, and he’s watching Yu pack. He would’ve laughed at the obvious distraught on Yu’s face as he realized everyone’s Christmas and New Year gifts weren’t going to fit in his suitcase, but Yosuke couldn’t even muster up a smile.
Maybe he is being too needy. Usually when they were alone like this, Yu would circle his arms around his waist and nuzzle his face into his neck even though Yosuke always complained about it being itchy. Or at least, he’d squeeze his hand before going to organize his things. The quiet they had now isn’t bad, but it isn’t enough.
Yeah, okay, when Yosuke thought about it, it really did sound like it was his fault. Yu wasn’t obligated to do any of that. Yosuke was just being sensitive, and he should respect Yu’s boundaries.
He thinks that as he drapes himself on Yu’s back. Yu’s crouched down, rearranging his stuffed suitcase for the fifth time in stubbornness, and he startles as Yosuke flops onto him with all his dead weight.
“They’re not gonna all fit, partner,” Yosuke says sullenly. “Just leave some stuff here and grab it next time you come.”
He can hear Yu’s back rumble as he speaks. “But I wanted to take everyone’s gifts back with me….” He goes back to taking everything out of his suitcase again, and Yosuke sighs in contentment, reveling in the security of being in Yu’s proximity. He gets to enjoy it for approximately fifteen seconds before warm hands are wrapped around his wrists, and he’s gently relocated off of Yu’s back.
“Interference,” Yu apologetically says, and Yosuke wants to point out that that’s never stopped him before, but he keeps his mouth shut.
He watches Yu, annoyed and at a loss, but Yu picks up conversation for him. “How is Suzuki-san doing?”
“She’s fine,” Yosuke says. “No concussion. This time, I mean. Rise’s autograph and her new CD player really brought her back to life.”
“It’s a good gift,” Yu comments idly. He starts to refold one of his sweaters. “You’re really thoughtful, Yosuke.”
“I—of course, I am. Haha. That’s me, a lady’s man.” Yosuke regrets the words immediately after they come out of his mouth. Yu only smiles to himself, and Yosuke really wants to punch himself in the face.
“Suzuki-san really likes you, huh? And I can tell you really care for her, too.”
Something starts to twist in Yosuke’s stomach. He shifts uncomfortably on Yu’s coarse rug.
“She’s a good friend. I feel like I gotta look out for her, y’know? She’s shouldering a lot on her own, with her younger siblings and stuff.”
“Mm-hmm,” Yu hums. “I’m glad you’re there for her.”
He feels that there’s something sorely wrong about this whole conversation thread, but Yosuke can’t really figure it out. “Yeah. She’s there for me, too, when I need it. I appreciate her.”
Yu finishes packing his suitcase. He manages it this time, and it’s like magic under Yosuke’s eyes. He’s fit everything into every crevice, forming it into a perfect block of clothes and trinkets. Yu closes the lid of the suitcase with a certain finality, zipping it up.
“I’m glad,” Yu repeats softly, mostly to himself.
“Hey—” Yosuke starts. “What’s been bothering you, partner? Are you alright?”
Yu nods his head. “I think I’m just sad to be leaving again. You’d think it gets easier the more I do it, but it’s actually the opposite.” He fiddles with the nametag on his suitcase, thumbing over the name and address written in black ink. “Maybe it’s because every time I come back; I realize I missed so much. Everything’s still going on without me.”
Yosuke settles on a neutral hand on Yu’s shoulder, sensitive of the previous rejection. “It’s natural, right? Everyone grows and changes, and eventually all our paths will part. But no matter where we go or how old we get, we’ll always be friends, even if we’re halfway across the world from each other. We’ll always see each other again, and it’ll be like nothing’s changed at all.”
This bit of Yosuke Wisdom came from long nights ruminating on the loneliness he felt without Yu. He was proud to finally put it to use.
“You’ve changed the most,” Yu observes wryly. “Did you come up with all of that by yourself?”
Yosuke shoves him, and although Yu’s face doesn’t change, he can tell that somewhere deep down, he’s laughing at him like usual.
“Thanks, Yosuke,” Yu replies. “I’ll see you during Golden Week, then. Who knows, maybe you’ll even have a girlfriend by then.”
“Highly doubt it,” Yosuke instantly retorts miserably. “But it doesn’t matter, I’m not looking for one right now. I have to pass the entrance exam first.”
“Work hard,” is all Yu says, and he’s looking at him with an easy smile and his eyes crinkled at the ends. It’s the same look that gets Yosuke’s heart beating in anticipation, and he subconsciously leans forward a little, not enough to breech Yu’s personal space, but enough that Yu notices.
Yu leans forward, and Yosuke holds his breath. This path—wasn’t this trajectory straight—straight to his—his mouth? For a brief moment, his heart completely stops beating, only to start back up again, drumming so hard he’s sure Yu can hear it loud and clear.
Yu reaches his hand up to ruffle his hair.
He then gets up off the floor.
The moment is gone.
Yu offers his hand out to help Yosuke up. “It’s getting late. You should probably head back; I’ll need to start dinner soon.”
Yosuke’s disorientated, feeling like the room is spinning. “Ah—oh—okay,” he stutters out. He can’t just ask out loud—what about my good-bye kiss?—because it sounds crazy and one their unspoken rules is that they’ve never actually talked about it.
Not while they were sober, anyway; and certainly not while being completely alert and awake and understanding of the situation and their weird relationship.
Yosuke is led down until he’s outside of Yu’s front door, waving a hand and robotically parroting out a See you tomorrow. For a second, he catches Yu with an intense look in his eyes, and he wonders if he’s allowed to clutch his shirt in his hands and kiss him himself, right on the mouth and maybe a little angrily, because he doesn’t understand why or how or what—
—Yu closes the door, and Yosuke looks at it for a while in a daze.
He goes home, thinking to himself that this is what he’s wanted. Hadn’t he always been paranoid and confused about their abnormal friendship? He’d accepted it all this time because it’s Yu—his partner—and he could deal with it for his sake. But now that it was going back into the realms of normal—AKA socially acceptable—by Yu’s will, then what was Yosuke so disappointed about?
He was still special to Yu, Yosuke reminds himself, repeating it like a mantra in his head. If he is, then why did it still hurt so much?
--
Yu’s parting ceremony, like his greeting ceremony, is similar all across Yu’s visits. Nanako gets to say good-bye first, clinging onto his leg or carried up high where she presses a kiss to his cheek. Rise and Naoto get to stand by Yu’s side, catching the same train back to Tokyo. The rest of the IT offers their parting words, and everyone waves enthusiastically as the train starts to depart. Even in winter, everyone runs along the chugging train, running until their legs are burning and the train is long out of sight.
Yosuke goes back home immediately after, laying on his bed with his winter jacket still on, staring at the ceiling with a hollow chest. After a while, he gets a little sick of the stuffiness, and sheds his layers while hunts down his cellphone in the millions of clothing layers stuck to his body.
“Ya?” Chie answers almost immediately.
“I—” Yosuke starts, but he realizes he doesn’t have the words to what’s happened. He shuts his mouth completely.
“Sad about Yu leaving?” Chie guesses. “Focus on your crappy grades first. Yu told me about your plans to move in together. If you pass the exam—and let me be frank, your chances aren’t lookin’ too hot—you’ll get to have your dearest partner with you every day.”
Normally, Yosuke would rag on Chie for her own shitty grades—she’s been below him in rank on more than several occasions, but Yosuke says instead, “Do you think he’s sick of me?”
“W-Wh-Huh?” Chie sputters. “I swear, how do you get these ideas in your head? In which world would Yu be tired of you?”
“Dunno,” Yosuke offers listlessly. “Just feel like—” Yosuke thinks of Yu’s words; how everything changes without him, and he covers his face with his free hand. “—that partner’s growing farther and farther away from me each day.”
Chie sighs a little over the line. “Look, I’m not really sure what happened to the two of you, but Yu’s always been the closest to you. If you need affirmation, you can find Yu for it. Anyone with two eyes can see how much he cares about you, and you’ll definitely believe his word over mine.”
“I guess,” Yosuke says. “It’s probably what I want to hear… but maybe not what I need to hear.”
“What?” Chie asks.
Yosuke scrubs his face as he works through the sentences in his head. “This… this is really personal stuff, okay? So don’t tell anyone else. But I think I’m still a little obsessed with wanting to be, you know, unique. Special. I totally thought I was over it, but with Yu suddenly acting like this, it became super clear to me that I wasn’t. Far from it. I still… want his approval the most. It’s not an equal relationship, is it?”
“Maybe you should tell him,” Chie says finally.
“What?” Yosuke drily laughs. “How pathetic I am?”
“That you want to be close to him.”
“We’re already close,” Yosuke helpfully informs.
“Idiot! Forget it, just say it then! Just tell him that you’re in love with him!”
Yosuke stops breathing for a moment. The entire world in his room stills, and he feels his brain empty of all thoughts and emotion. He doesn’t feel anything for one whole second—nothing but absorption and processing.
“I’m not—” Yosuke laughs with great mirth. “Sure, I love him. Dude’s my best friend. He knows that already. I’d die for him—hell, you would, too!”
“That’s not what I—sure. You should tell him that. It doesn’t hurt to tell your friends you love them once in a while. I think I heard that from somewhere,” Chie replies. She sounds unsure. “Yosuke, look, I know you’re going through a lot of personal junk, but you should really think about it. How you feel about Yu. I think it’s important.”
“There’s nothing to think about. I just need to get over myself.”
Chie makes a frustrated noise. “Arugh! That’s not what I’m saying. Whatever, I’m gonna hang up now. Call me if you figure anything out, I guess. Bye.”
The smile from his good laugh earlier slides off his face without any resistance. Yosuke drops the phone on his bed, rolling over so that his back faces it.
--
Yu calls him the next day at their usual time. Yosuke has been moping around since the term started, not yet having the motivation to do any studying, so when Yu calls he’s playing a fighting game on one of his outdated consoles. He pauses the mindless button mashing to pick it up, and he nestles it between his shoulder and ear so that he can return to it while he’s chatting.
“’ello, Yosuke at your service,” he greets as smoothly as possible.
“Hey,” Yu returns. “There’s something that you said that’s been bothering me recently.”
Yu is always straightforward and direct, something Yosuke isn’t appreciating right now as he feels his heart stop beating. “Oh, uh, yeah?”
“You said you rejected Suzuki-san because you wanted to spend more time with me. I don’t want to hold you back, since you two really seem to be a good match. I think that you should accept her confession.”
“Oh, uh, ah…” Yosuke says. “Um… uh…” He shuts his mouth once he realizes he has nothing to follow up with. The other side of the line is also quiet. “…I don’t know.”
“Do you like her?”
“I—I don’t… I think I kinda did. At first. But I don’t know if now I really want to, or know, or feel like that. I’m. Not sure,” Yosuke grits out. His game character dies, having lost all three lives, and the Game Over chime is so loud he’s sure Yu can hear it over the phone.
“Oh. Maybe you shouldn’t accept it then.”
Yosuke almost sighs in relief, but Yu continues. “You should spend some time with her and think about it. When you first met her, you always told me how pretty and cute she was, right? You might be attracted to her, but because you’ve been friends for so long, maybe that’s why you’re not so sure anymore.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” Yosuke forces himself to say, feeling his throat dry. “I mean, sure. I can try and see, though. If you want me to.”
“Yeah. I think you’d really regret it if you lose that chance with Suzuki. I can see bonds, you know,” Yu jokes at the end. “Wild Card privileges.” Yu’s mentioned something about arcana and social links offhandedly once or twice before, but even up to this point, Yosuke’s not really sure what’s the truth and what Yu is simply pulling his leg on.
“Okay,” Yosuke agrees, and his voice cracks a little, although he doesn’t notice.
“Don’t worry,” Yu assuages. “You said it yourself, right? No matter the time and distance, we’ll always be partners. Nothing will change.”
“Right.” Things have already changed, though, Yosuke thinks.
“Good. I’m still unpacking and cleaning up the house, so I have to go. I just wanted to tell you the thing about Suzuki before it’s too late. Goodbye, Yosuke. Talk to you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
Yu hangs up first, and Yosuke doesn’t move for a full minute. He unclenches his fingers and throws his phone as hard as he can into his bed. It bounces off the mattress and hits the wall, and Yosuke crosses his fingers and hopes to god it’s not broken. He sighs, feeling like his interest in the game—or doing anything at all—has significantly waned.
--
“He told me to date Suzuki,” Yosuke numbly paraphrases over the phone.
“…Is that why you weren’t at school today?” Chie asks. “Oh jeez. Why’d Yu say that to you all of a sudden?”
“He thinks we’re a good match.” His voice is completely monotone, devoid of any feeling.
“Even though you told him that you weren’t interested in her?”
“He thinks I am. Or potentially can be. Maybe I am. I don’t know.”
“You’re not,” Chie says easily.
“Why? Are you going to say it’s because I’m in love with Yu again?”
“You…” Chie pauses.
“That’s what you meant with your bet, right? That I’d reject Suzuki, but I’d be in love with someone else already. Fine, if everyone in Inaba knows already, then tell me. Since when? For how long? Is it that obvious? Because I’m not. I’m not.”
Chie doesn’t speak for a long time, which is weird because it’s Chie, and her brain-to-mouth filter is almost as bad as Yosuke’s.
“You’re not,” Chie agrees finally. “You’re not in love with anybody. It doesn’t really have to always be about love, anyway, right?” Her voice is feeble. “Don’t… don’t listen to Yu. You’ll hurt Suzuki-chan if you’re not sure, and I’m sure that’s the last thing you want to do.”
“Yu will be disappointed in me,” Yosuke says. “He wants me to.”
“God, snap out of it, Yosuke!” Chie scolds. “What about what Suzuki wants? Do you think she wants your half-baked attempt at dating, when it’s clear that you’re just doing it for her—or worse, just for Yu? And what about what you want, Yosuke? What do you want to do, right now, in this very moment?”
“Drink some water,” Yosuke says dully. “Maybe eat something.”
“What do you want from Narukami Yu?” Chie instead asks.
“…I want him to smile at me,” Yosuke mumbles quietly. “Look at me. And…”
Kiss me.
The silence hangs, and Chie huffs. “Yu is really good at telling people what they want to hear. It’s almost like he knows what you need before you even realize it. But you and I both know that Yu isn’t perfect. He’s not a mind reader. He’s seventeen and a student like us and I bet you he’s feeling lonely and wondering if you’re dating Suzuki yet even though it’s the last thing he wants you to do.”
“It’s the last thing I want to do, too,” Yosuke admits.
“Maybe you should tell him that.”
“I think I will.”
Yosuke hangs up and he lets out a little shuddering sigh. He cries just a little bit, and while wiping his eyes he thinks that, sure, okay, he might just be a little bit in love with his best friend after all.
--
Yosuke declines Yu’s call later that night, texting him a quick nondescript excuse. He packs a bag and skips school the next day, too—it’s the beginning of the term, he’s not going to miss anything important, he’s sure—and he gets on a train to Tokyo.
It takes two and a half hours if there’s no delays. Yosuke is too antsy to even listen to any music, bobbing his head to the clattering of the train’s wheels and the hum of the passengers around him.
He starts to think that this impulsive surprise visit is a bad idea when no one opens the door—duh, Yu’s probably still in school—and the temperature starts to drop. It continues to drop well after the sun sets, and Yosuke ends up crouched by the door, fingers crossed no one calls the police on him.
Finally, Yu comes home, shocked and panicked at the scrawny silhouette squatting by his front door.
“Yosuke? What are you doing here?” Yu asks, and Yosuke shakes his head. Yu pulls him into the house, warming his frigid hands in his, and makes him some tea. He turns on the heat and busies himself around the empty house, and Yosuke watches every movement.
“Are your parents coming back tonight?” Yosuke asks.
“No, they’re still overseas. Won’t be back for another week,” Yu replies.
“Can we go to your room and talk?” Yu’s house is immaculate, pristine and clean and devoid of any human presence. It unsettles Yosuke, whose room is covered in junk, things he’s forgotten about and never thrown away. Yu’s room is not much different, but it’s set up the same way as his room in Dojima’s place, and it is enough familiarity to give Yosuke some courage.
Yu takes him upstairs and Yosuke gingerly takes a position on the floor by the coffee table, back against the hard sofa. Yu hesitates, but ends up sitting next to him.
“So,” Yu starts.
“So,” Yosuke finishes.
He blows a little on the amber surface of the tea just to stall. “I don’t think I can date Suzuki.”
“Yeah?” Yu asks.
Yosuke side-eyes him. “You’re not going to ask why?”
Yu shrugs. “If you can’t, then you can’t. You can’t force it.”
Yosuke slides his eyes back to the tea, sees his blurry reflection in it. He laughs drily. “Even now, you’re sitting so far away from me. Usually you’d be leaning on me by now, right?”
He can see out of his peripheral vision Yu shifting uncomfortably. “It’s… it’s a little warm for cuddling, don’t you think?” His tone is light in an attempt to joke with him. Yosuke doesn’t find it funny.
“Where’s my welcome-back kiss, then? Or is it too warm for that, too?” Yosuke asks innocently.
Yu tenses, and doesn’t say anything. Yosuke doesn’t move a muscle, eyes trained on the steam rising from the teacup.
“Sorry,” Yu finally says. It’s quietly spoken, a little raw. “I shouldn’t have started that…habit. It wasn’t right, and I knew you weren’t completely comfortable with it. Because it’s ‘weird’, right? It made things weird.”
“Yeah. It sure did,” Yosuke agrees. Yu shifts, turning his body slightly away from him, legs going down to cross over each other. He twists his hands together in the space his legs make.
“Sorry. I’ll stop. I won’t make things worse. You’re a really important person to me, Yosuke, and I really, really want to stay friends,” Yu bows his head. “We can have some distance before then. So things go back to normal. Is that okay?”
“You’re so unreal,” Yosuke scathingly retorts, and he feels a sort of triumph when Yu flinches.
“You always know what to say, don’t you?” Yosuke asks. “The right solution to tie all this up in a neat little bow and keep me happy. There’s no way you forgot. You didn’t start this, I did. Right here, in this room that’s in Inaba, the winter you lost everything. I kissed you first. What kind of brave martyr are you trying to be, to shoulder all the blame?”
Yu’s gaze is glued to the carpet, twiddling his thumbs together. “I was the one who kept it up after that.”
“And I didn’t say a fucking word!” Yosuke yells. “I was so paranoid, so scared. But I thought that since it’s you, I could suck it up and deal with it. I deluded myself into thinking that I was just playing along with you since I care about you. So much to the point where I’d let rumors spread that I’m gay. Gay for you.”
“I—”
“I haven’t fucking changed at all,” Yosuke bitterly states. “I’m still running away from myself, and from you. You were so gentle with me, and I still didn’t get it. I didn’t get that I wanted you to do those dumb stupid greeting and good-bye kisses, and that I fucking wanted you to do it on my mouth instead of my cheek or my nose or my hands, and that I wanted you to touch me all the time, god—”
Yu’s head shoots up, looking at him with wide eyes, and Yosuke smiles sardonically. He pushes Yu down, hand to cushion the back of his head, and he admires the way Yu’s expression is unguarded, caught by complete surprise. Yosuke cages his face between two hands planted on either side of his head, and he laughs without really meaning it.
He’s so fucking livid.
“You knew,” Yosuke accuses. “Who in Inaba wouldn’t? That I was so damn afraid of being seen as anything other than straight. You’ve been in love with me for over a year now and you still told me to date Suzuki. Seriously, are you looking for an award or something? ‘Cause you’re not getting one from me.”
He’s angry at Yu, just a little, but he’s mostly angry at himself. It took this much for him to grow up and face himself, and Yosuke’s darn lucky no one’s showing up on the Midnight Channel these days, because he’s sure his Shadow has been parading around in bliss for the past couple of months already. Yosuke had thought he was better than this. He thought that he’d grown, that he’d matured, but instead, here he was, ignorant and stupid and pathetic and dense, faced with a problem that shouldn’t have been a problem in the first place.
“I didn’t—” Yu starts, and his voice is soft. Yosuke knows his voice only gets like this when he’s vulnerable; weak from emotions run amok, and he almost takes a sick pride in it, the flames of his wrath growing stronger. “—I made you confused. It’s my fault. That’s why I wanted to encourage you with Suzuki-san.”
“Confused? Confused with what? Are you saying that you tricked me into liking you? Say, partner, tell me honestly. You overheard us that night when I took her back, didn’t you?”
“… and at the shrine,” Yu admits quietly.
“So you knew.” Yosuke sits up, legs straddling his abdomen. “You knew she confessed to me, and that I had already rejected her. Yet, you only started acting strangely after New Year’s. What changed?”
Yu turns his gaze to the right, frowning a little at the corners of his mouth. “I… had always thought you two were a good fit for each other. It wasn’t until that night that I understood just how similar you two were. Besides,” the corners of Yu’s mouth turn up, although his eyebrows furrow, “We just aren’t as close anymore, Yosuke. For the amount of distance we’ve accumulated, you’ve shortened it with Suzuki. But—ah—I’m not blaming you. It’s natural.”
“I have never thought that, not even once,” Yosuke argues. “You’ve always been the most important person to me, Yu. Though it seems I wasn’t for you.”
Yu flinches again, and Yosuke claws his fingers into the rug sprawled beneath them. It’s satisfying, almost, to have the illusion of control, that for once in his life, he’s having some sort of emotional power over Yu, after feeling like he’s been at his mercy for the whole time he’s known him.
And perhaps maybe that feeling is exactly why Yosuke is in this predicament. The entire reason he couldn’t ever get closer to Yu.
“I don’t think I could ever be good enough for you,” Yosuke admits. It’s one of his deepest, darkest fears he never wanted to say out loud. “But I want to be. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore—and I don’t want you to lie to me, either. That’s fair, right, partner?”
“It won’t work,” Yu insists, closing his eyes. He looks troubled. “You’d doubt yourself constantly, Yosuke. I thought—” Yu tilts his head to the side, opening his eyes to avoid looking at Yosuke, his gaze settling somewhere by his bookshelf. “I thought that maybe one day you’d get acclimated to the idea. Of being with me. But if there’s someone out there for you, then I realized keeping up this charade was just a selfish claim on my part. I can’t be here for you, Yosuke. I can’t bridge the gap between us.”
“There is someone out there for me,” Yosuke says. “He’s been right in fucking front of me for the past year.” He slams his fist onto the rug. “If there’s a gap that you can’t mend, then it’s up to me to fix it. Why do you have to do all the work, anyway? When the reason we’re so far apart is because of me.” Yosuke bunches his hands in Yu’s shirt, dipping his head so he can rest it on Yu’s shoulder.
“I want to be with you, Yu. Always,” Yosuke confesses. “I’m in love with you, partner.”
Yosuke can hear the thrumming of both their hearts, and he feels the blood rushing in his ears. He can’t believe he’s just said those words out loud, fragile and vulnerable and raw, pulled out from deep inside him where it had been living in dormant for so long.
He feels Yu take a deep breath. Steeling himself, Yosuke figures. He feels Yu’s exhale ruffling the ends of his hair.
“It won’t be easy,” Yu warns. “I’m not exactly a cute girl.”
“Trust me, partner, I’m aware,” Yosuke replies.
“You’d have to live with that jealousy—that inferiority complex that never really went away. Could you handle that?”
Yosuke stiffens. “You really heard everything, huh?”
“You told me not to lie to you,” Yu replies. “And it’s something I’ve thought about often, even before that night.”
“What I told Suzuki is still true,” Yosuke says. “I still feel that way sometimes. I can’t help it. But I won’t let it define me.”
Yu looks at him, deeply contemplating his answers. Yosuke now knows the subtleness in Yu’s micro-expressions, each movement having meaning. Yu’s just as nervous, just as unsure as Yosuke, the both of them treading into territory that would irrevocably change their relationship.
Or maybe it had already changed long ago, during that winter or maybe last summer, or even last night or right now, the two of them facing each other again with yearning hesitancy.
“I’m in love with you, too, Yosuke,” Yu finally admits quietly. “For a while now.”
“I know.” Yosuke hangs his head. “You put up with me even when I’m being a jerk, holding out for the day I’d finally pull my head out of my ass. You’d be the only person foolish enough to give me so many chances.”
Yu pats the top of Yosuke’s head. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You were just scared.”
“And insecure, and stupid, and oblivious…” Yosuke rattles off.
Yu lightly thumps his fist against his head, scolding him. “It’s not like I handled this in the best way, either. I’m not as capable as you all think I am.”
Yosuke snorts. “What’s so funny?” Yu asks.
“Chie was right. Can you believe that?” Yosuke asks.
“Right about what?” Yu frowns.
“Everything, honestly. God, I owe her so many meals. I’m so screwed, partner.” All the fight, anger, and confusion leaves Yosuke, and he plops down on Yu’s body, sighing tiredly. Yu lets out a quiet ‘oof’. Yu is warm and comfortable, and here, Yosuke feels right again, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
Yu wraps his arms around him, pressing his nose to the crown of his hair. “I’m sorry. For everything.”
“Me, too,” Yosuke replies. “Although that really was a jerk move, playing with my heart like that. You owe me.”
“I’ll repay it tenfold,” Yu promises.
Yosuke lifts his head up and finds Yu’s glittering gray eyes filled with mirth. Every time Yu smiles, Yosuke can’t help but mirror it, feeling his expression soften. He’s worse than those girls in the rom-com movies Yukiko likes, Yosuke knows, because they can’t compare to how he’s feeling right now for Yu.
“Not dreaming, right?” Yosuke clarifies.
“Nope. Not in the TV world, either.”
“Good.” Yosuke inches closer, until their noses are brushing. “You still haven’t given me my greeting kiss.”
He can feel the smile on Yu’s lips against his own, until the grin Yosuke’s sporting is so wide that they can’t kiss properly anymore, so instead they part, delving into a fit of giddy laughter.
--
“Cough, cough,” Yosuke exaggeratedly hacks into his phone. “Chie, I’m not feeling so good. And I have to work double shifts this week, because my dad’s still on my case about my scooter, and you know what? The weather’s been so shitty recently, who wants to eat steak in the middle of winter? Why don’t we take a rain check?”
“You can’t afford to treat me to a nice meal but you can afford a train ticket to Tokyo?” Chie retorts scathingly.
Yosuke pales. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Did you catch a cold? Say, from squatting outside in the cold for three hours wearing nothing but a thin jacket in near-freezing temperatures?”
Yosuke gulps soundlessly, feeling his throat dry. “I’ve had to walk around everywhere without my scooter, and I can’t afford a thicker jacket. Take pity on me, Chie.”
“What happened to your winter coat you have stored in your closet that your parents gave you last year? Or the expensive wool coat that was express shipped to your house? Shouldn’t it have arrived by this morning?”
“How do you know about that?!” Yosuke can’t help but retort, breaking his composure.
“Stupid idiot,” Chie throws, and before Yosuke can point out that ‘stupid’ and ‘idiot’ mean the same thing, Chie continues, “You’re not the only one who calls me at 1 AM just to cry about his dramatic love life.”
“I don’t cry, and I’m not being dramatic, and that was one time, you were awake anyway, and—” Yosuke pauses as the meaning of her words catch up with his brain. “Wait a minute. Chie, are you saying that—”
“Your new boyfriend said he’d help cover the expenses. Aiya’s, this Saturday at noon. Be there or else.”
There’s a click! and a dial tone as Chie hangs up the call.
“But I have work on Saturday!” Yosuke fumes to his phone, running a hand through his hair. “Chie, you—!”
Yosuke spends a couple minutes pacing around his room, grumbling to himself about how everyone in the IT is a gigantic blabbermouth, and how nobody respects secrets these days. The rate gossip spread among them, no matter the distance, is faster than wildfire. With that in mind, Yosuke stops in his tracks, indignantly punching in some numbers into his cell.
The recipient of the call picks up on the second ring, and a smooth voice greets him as usual. “Hello?”
“Yu!” Yosuke fumes. “You’ve been talking to Chie? Chie, of all people?”
“I thought that since she was in a similar situation, she’d understand where I was coming from,” Yu replies easily.
“What? Similar situation? What are you talking about?”
“With Yukiko?” Yu lilts.
“Yukiko?”
A brief pause.
“I swear to god, I’m the last one who ever knows anything in this town!” Yosuke cries out.
But as he listens to Yu’s soft laughter on the other side of the line, Yosuke can’t even pretend to be annoyed. What matters is that he always figures it out in the end.
“Alright, Yu," Yosuke starts, sinking down in his chair and making himself comfortable. This is going take a while. "Start from the beginning. Tell me everything….”