Chapter Text
When Eggsy looks back on it, it started as a challenge. He always thrived well under adversity. That was definitely a part of it. It was perhaps their second week of their testing when he made a sly comment to Roxy. He couldn’t remember it now. Something about how Merlin had a sexy, prudish air about him, and how you know someone who is that much of a toff was probably into some kinky, crazy shit when the lights went off. Roxy huffed dismissively and rolled her eyes.
“As if you’d find out.”
“Bet I could.” Eggsy had shot back without missing a beat.
“He’s twice your age, a Kingsman,” Roxy started to insist. For a moment, it seemed to come from a place of pure respect, but then she smirked a bit and glanced over her shoulder as if Merlin could appear in their barracks at any moment. “And a bit of a prude.”
Eggsy laughed.
“That’s what I’m sayin’.” he insisted. “All posh n’ shit. Clearly repressed. It’s gotta come out somewhere.”
“Well he’s not going to come anywhere near you.” Roxy said, shaking her head. Eggsy smirked at her, and when she realized her unfortunate word choice her cheeks reddened and she rolled off of her elbows and turned away from him.
“That a challenge?” He asked, blatantly ignoring the fact that she clearly wanted to end the awkward conversation.
“No.” Roxy said, sitting up and pointing a finger at him. “No it is not and don’t you dare tell anyone I’m somehow responsible for your dumb choices.”
So, in short, it was really all Roxy’s fault.
. . .
Despite doing his best moving forward, the training was arduous and he was kept too busy to unleash all of his flirting techniques on Merlin. Every so often there would be a cheeky line, or a suggestive look, but they were never reciprocated. It was like the Scottish man was wearing metal armor. It didn’t phase him at all.
In his heart, Eggsy never stopped planning to move things forward. The only thing that changed once he became a full-fledged Kingsman was his investment.
At first he was just looking for a quick fling. Eggsy had always had a ‘thing’ for older men (which he often refused to look too deeply into, despite his fathers death at such an early age probably having something to do with it), so his eyes had already been feasting on most of the older members of the Kingsman, but Merlin stood out. His strong jaw, the sexy accent, the way his sweater managed to hide his body just enough to get his imagination running.
Hell, Eggsy had never considered how attractive a bald head could be, theoretically, until he kept staring at the back of Merlin’s.
After things settled down- which took some time, admittedly- Eggsy started again. He found excuses to seek out Merlin. He tried being less cheeky and more on-the-nose. After all, maybe Merlin thought a compliment on the shape of his ass was a joke, not a come-on. He started to flirt. Casual, low-key.
That didn’t work, either.
He was close to calling it quits. For a week or so, he’d decided that is what he would do. That was when he realized he couldn’t stop thinking about Merlin without putting conscious effort into it.
It wasn’t just a challenge anymore, but in a way it was even more of one.
So he did the only thing he could think to do. He took out Harry.
Even though the Kingsman had the best doctors on staff, Harry was no longer on active duty. Rather than retiring (which was promptly put down the second it was suggested), he was now working as Arthur. It was a surprising turn of events, but Eggsy had talked to every member of the order. After all, the last Arthur had been a royal wanker, and also old as shit, so it wasn't as if he had been working the field.
Currently Harry's motor controls were shaky, and even a year later he had trouble grasping utensils at times, but thankfully his memory and personality were unaffected. And because his personality was unaffected, he recognized that Eggsy had ulterior motives long before arriving at the pub. As Eggsy was going on about how good the chips at this place were and passing Harry the folder, the other man kept his expression neutral.
“What are we doing here, Eggsy?” he asked.
“Can’t a fellah take his buddy out for a drink and some chips?” Eggsy shot back, only slightly annoyed that the ex-Kingsman could read him so well. “We go out all the time!”
“Whenever we make plans with one another, we give each other at least a weeks notice. You asked me to come tonight. There is a sense of urgency to it.” he surmised, maintaining eye contact but taking the menu regardless. “So I will ask again, what are we doing here?”
Eggsy sighed and rolled his neck and shoulders.
“Let’s order the drinks first, a’ight?” he insisted. Harry looked a bit taken aback, but agreed.
Once Eggsy had a few sips of scotch in him, he met Harry’s eyes once more.
“Okay.” he started, then realized he didn’t know where to go from there. After a few moments of expectant silence, he managed to continue. “So Merlin ain’t got, like… a boyfriend or noffin’, does ‘e?”
There were times when Eggsy’s accent seemed to come on a bit thicker. He never tried to actively lose it (in fact, there were times in Kingsman meetings when he would close his eyes and promised himself he never would let himself), but when he was feeling more emotional it grew more prominent. Right now, he was feeling a touch vulnerable.
“Why are you asking me that question? Or better yet, why are you asking such a question at all?” Harry asked, sitting up a bit straighter.
“Why not just answer?” Eggsy asked. “It can’t be a girlfriend… yeah?”
Harry let out a long-suffering sigh as his concerns were proven to be valid, and he shook his head.
“No girlfriend.” he agreed. He looked up to see Eggsy’s pressing expression and rolled his eyes before continuing. “No boyfriend, either, though both are equally as likely.”
Eggsy couldn’t hide his grin.
“Would you also like to ask his age, Eggsy? Or about the Kingsmans’ guidelines regarding inter-organization romance?” He asked pointedly.
“Ah, already checked both.” Eggsy snarkily replied. “An’ there ain’t nothin’ in the book about two Kingsman havin’ it off.”
Mostly because at the time the ‘book’ was written, there were no female Kingsman and homosexual relationships were frowned upon, but that wasn’t the point.
“No, but the Kingsman organization has rules beyond those written in outdated texts, did you happen upon those in your research?”
“Must’ve missed it.”
“Eggsy.”
The younger man shrugged and sat back in his seat with his usual confidence returned.
“So, you ever met one of his old flames?” he asked. “What were they like?”
“His own age.” Harry said, his voice slow, careful, and only slightly dangerous. Eggsy didn’t blame him. In Harry’s mind, he probably was trying to protect not one but two of his closest friends.
“Aren’t gonna get over that one anytime soon, are yah?”
“I think it is a point that should be discussed.”
“Fine, if you insist.” Eggsy said. “Lets see… I think the first one was my history teacher. Eighth grade? He just had a sprig of grey, right up around ‘is temples, but his arse was still really tight for 'is age--”
“Enough.” Harry raised a hand. “Point made, but it is not appropriate. No more so for Merlin than for you you.”
"We're both adults."
"One more than the other. In age and maturity."
Eggsy made a face in lieu of a real response. They both took sips of their respective drinks before moving on.
“Come on. Give us a li’le hint.” Eggsy pressed, leaning forward onto his elbows.
Harry seemed to consider for a moment, and the his brows raised and he nodded as if he was giving up. Eggsy knew he'd be able to wear him down, though he thought it would take a few more drinks.
“Fine.” he said. “My hint would be that you do not have a chance.”
Eggsy’s brows furrowed and his confidence faltered just slightly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
Harry smiled.
“I have met several of Merlin’s past lovers, Eggsy.” he said softly. “And I will tell you, they all- men and women alike- had one thing in common. Something you lack.”
Harry leaned forward, and Eggsy mirrored the movement. Once they were close, Harry’s eyes moved to Eggsy’s torso, almost pointedly, and he whispered the ‘secret’.
“I’d say about… thirty pounds, minimum.”
He leaned back, looking quite smug, and Eggsy followed. He was dazed. Once his brain caught up, he let out a half-laugh.
“No fuckin’ way.”
“Language.”
“Seriously, though.” Eggsy continued. “Merlin’s a chub chaser? You’ve go’a be messin’ wit me.”
Harry shook his head.
“Merlin is an exceedingly private person, Eggsy. His… preferences have nothing at all to do with that, but I know he would not approve of me exposing it.” he said. “I am only telling you this to dissuade you from continuing your advances.”
Eggsy tilted his head in contemplation and then shrugged, which led to another sigh from the older man.
Eventually, they did move away from the subject of Merlin and whatever fetishes he might have. They spoke of work, mostly, but also a bit of one another’s personal lives.
Though he stayed silent, Harry gave a very pointed look when Eggsy ordered two more servings of chips.