Work Text:
Shrewpaw was nearing the Thunderpath, sniffing the air for prey, any kind of prey. He tried distracting himself, but his mind would only lead him back towards his sisters. Larchkit died a few moons ago from starvation and Hollykit, well, died last night.
Losing Larchkit devastated everyone in his family and Hollykit's death only added onto the excruciating pain. It felt like the Place of No Stars haunted them on purpose, playing the cruelest joke imaginable. Thankfully his youngest brother, Birchkit was still alive and was certainly a fighter for his young age, but even he was getting weaker, and so was his mother and father. Every cat in camp was miserable, weak and so agitated, it made Shrewpaw feel sick. He begged Thornclaw to go on a hunting patrol so that he could help the clan. He was desperate to not only escape the camps atmosphere, but to also find anything that they could to keep their strength. Once his parents found out, they tried to keep him in camp, terrified out of their minds. Shrewpaw insisted to go however, promising that he'll be with his mentor and that he will be fine. He needed to help, it was his duty as a member of the clan after all. His mother, Ferncloud, snuggled against his cheek, wishing him and Thornclaw happy hunting and for Shrewpaw to be careful.
"We can't lose you too." She had told him.
"I know, I'll be okay." Shrewpaw answered. "I'll catch for Birchkit the biggest piece of prey that I can find, I promise!".
"Come along then, Shrewpaw. We'll waste daylight otherwise." Thornclaw shouted to his apprentice. Leaving his mother's warm embrace, he followed his mentor's stead, hearing his father, Dustpelt, yell out to him "Stay safe out there!" before he and Thornclaw left towards the remaining clefts of the forest.
Continuing his hunt, Shrewpaw felt himself grow more determined than ever. He rejected any possibility that the same fate his sisters suffered under would happen again to Birchkit, or Spiderpaw, or Ferncloud, Dustpelt, Squirrelpaw, Whitepaw, the entire clan even! He would make sure that he would find the biggest prey possible so that they could all survive.
That was when he noticed the smell of prey, which he assumed was a bird. As he stalked low amongst the forest floor, making sure he was down wind so his scent wouldn't carry, he manged to hide himself behind some bushes. It was then that he saw the largest bird he'd ever seen. It looked like it could feed half the clan, perhaps even everybody! Relief swept over Shrewpaw, silently thanking Starclan for this gift of prey. All he had to do now was catch it, and then all could be well again.
Suddenly the bird (a pheasant? Thornclaw may have described a bird like that once-) ran off, startled by something. Shrewpaw didn't care if it was a misstep by him or if the bird was scared of something else. He just ran.
He was not going to let this prey run from him now, not when he was so close. He would not let another cat die!
It was all a blur after that. He couldn't remember where he was running to. Did he hear Thornclaw yelling to him? He couldn't tell. He just. needed. that. bird.
Was that light shining on him?
He had hardly enough time to register the light when he felt an excruciating pain around his neck and back.
And then nothing at all.
Once he came to, he felt ringing in his ears and manged to get up, slowly.
He realized that he stood on the Thunderpath, a small river of blood running underneath his paws.
A cold shiver ran up his spine when he saw himself.
There he lied, not moving, his body covered in blood.
A creeping realization made him feel such dread.
He felt so sick, he wished terribly that he could be in his mother's warm embrace now.
He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it.
This was all a horrible nightmare, right?! This had to be! He couldn't die yet! He needed to be there for his family, his friends! He couldn't leave them! Not yet.. not yet ..not yet.. please please he couldn't leave-
In his panic, he heard another voice calling to him.
"Wake up." was all he could hear at first.
It started to get louder and louder, drowning out everything else in his surroundings.
"Wake up.. please wake up". It was getting louder now.
"Wake up, wake up". In the corner of his eye he could see his distraught mentor picking up his body.
"Daddy, please wake up"
Shrewnose awoke suddenly gasping for air, clutching the ferns of the nest tightly with his unsheathed claws. He began to realize that he wasn't on that dreaded Thunderpath, nor in that camp in Sunningrocks, or even in Starclan's hunting grounds. No, he was in Thunderclan's camp in the lake territories in the nursery, where Ferncloud, Daisy, Sorreltail, her four kits and his three kits were sleeping soundly.
Well, two of his three kittens were sleeping.
Hollykit stared at him, her bright green eyes, resembling those of his mate, were looking up at him. It was interesting what traits could be passed on from family lines, he quietly mused to himself.
Unbenounced to everyone but three cats in the clan: Leafpool, Squirrelflight and himself, the three kittens weren't biologically his or Squirrelflight's, but Leafpool's. Leafpool had been in love with Crowfeather, the Windclan warrior. They had both run away from the clans, and Leafpool was expecting kits soon after they came back. Being the only Cleric Thunderclan had, she was in no position to be able to raise them. She had begged her sister to take them in, but she refused at first. After some more consideration and letting Shrewnose in the know, Squirrelflight excepted.
Shrewnose's grandfather was Fuzzypelt, an older Thunderclan Warrior who served his clan faithfully in the forest territories. The clan pretty much assumed that that's where Hollykit's pelt color came from, some even guessed it came from his uncle Ravenpaw, a loner who left the clans and lived at the barn ever since, even from Spiderleg, his own littermate. Considering what Shrewnose knew though, he could tell that Hollykit was her biological father's splitting image. Jaykit and Lionkit resembled Crowfeather as well, their facial markings resembling the Windclan warrior nearly identically. Jaykit even had his eyes.
Shrewnose yawned. Tiredly, he asked: "It's moonhigh, Hollykit. How long have you been awake for?" "I dunno. Just couldn't sleep" Hollykit replied. She shuffled her paws nervously. "Daddy, do cats normally get, um, scary dreams?".
"Yes, sometimes," Shrewnose answered carefully, concerned where this conversation with his two moon old kit was heading. "Why, did you have a nightmare?" "A night-mare?" Hollykit asked, puzzled. "Yea, a nightmare. That is the word we use to describe these scary dreams, little leaf." Shrewnose said, touching noses with his kit, offering a sense of reassurement.
He remembered using that nickname for his little sister Hollykit, when he'd comfort her too. A sense of nostalgia and pain stabbed at his heart.
She held her tiny little paws up on his nose-she did that a lot- and wrapped them around his muzzle.
"Did you have a night- nightmare then? You were moving and rumbling in your sleep." "Ah, did that wake you? I'm sorry Hollykit."
"It's okay. Are you okay?"
"..."
How in the world was he supposed to respond?
Hollykit was dropping all sorts of questions and Shrewnose had to think carefully with what to say next, he didn't want to scare her. However-
"So you did have a nightmare-!" Hollykit gasped, loudly interrupting his thought process.
"SHHHHHH- other cats are sleeping Hollykit! Don't wake them up!" Shrewnose hissed quietly.
Hollykit shrunk back, sometimes the young molly could get too overexcited. She quickly mumbled a "sorry".
"It's fine. And, well....yes. I do get nightmares sometimes, every cat has them every once in a while." He had hoped that this statement wouldn't scare her, yet he found a sad gaze looking back at him.
"Are they really that scary? Do they scare you?"
"Admittedly, yes. They do scare me." More times than he'd like to admit, he added in his thoughts.
"But you and Mommy are the bravest cats I know! How can you be scared?" Hollykit asked sincerely.
Shrewnose paused. Carefully thinking about what to say and what to phrase. Remembering that time of his life, despite it feeling so long ago now, despite him reliving it near daily in his dreams, it is now forever a part of him. It shaped him into the cat he became, and he supposed that was the frighting part of it all. But it felt necessary, given Hollykit's worry for him, to at least offer as brief of an explanation as he could.
He took a deep breath, and began.
"Has your grandma Ferncloud ever told you the story of how we came to the lake?"
"Yea, she did! She told us that mommy and auntie Leafpool were heroes! That they found the Sunny Place and found the way to our home." Hollykit beamed.
"Yes, that is quite true," Shrewnose chuckled lightly. "before we left, however, right when your mother and aunt left themselves, bad things began to happen." "What happened?" Hollykit seemed to show no fear, only curiosity. Still, Shrewnose stayed as brief and lighthearted as he could. They would hear about the horrors another time, once they were old enough to process it.
"The twolegs were breaking the forest apart, many of us began to grow hungry and we were all very, very scared. Many cats joined Starclan's ranks during that time, and it made us very sad."
Hollykit stared up at him, Shrewnose looked down at her.
"It made me very sad. I wanted to help out, more than anything."
"What did you do?"
"I asked my mentor to go on a hunting patrol. I had lost- cats who I loved very much, who I thought I wasn't strong enough for, that I couldn't protect them. I was scared it would continue, so I wanted to help in anyway that I could. And so we did. We went hunting."
He could feel his forelegs shaking a bit.
Hollykit noticed too, the observer that she was.
"Are you okay, Dad?"
"Yes, I'm fine.... this part, well. It hurts to remember, hurts to think about."
Hollykit looked confused, feeling her father's sadness, but not knowing where to place it.
".....There is a reason why I can't play as much with you as mommy can once she's done with her duties. There is a reason why my duties are here in camp.
There is a reason I can't walk as good as I used to."
"Why?" Hollykit asked, very quietly.
"I was run over by a monster."
Hollykit was stunned, slowly processing the information. She looked over at the sleeping figure that was Sorreltail.
" S-Sorreltail told us once she was run over by a monster too, that she broke her forearm and that her warriors ceremony had to be pushed back. Did that happen to you too?"
"Sort of? Sorreltail was luckier then most, and so was I. Too few cats survive the Thunderpath when a monster attacks." Shrewnose said, solemnly, thinking of Cinderpelt who nursed him back to health, who had also survived the Thunderpath.
"When I was attacked, I barely survived. Cinderpelt herself told me I'd have almost joined Starclan's ranks... I really don't like thinking of what would have happened if I did."
" Is that what makes the nightmares scary?" Hollykit asked.
" ...It does. When I'm awake, I know that they are only memories. Scary memories, but memories nonetheless.
And yet, whenever I find myself in that exact scenario so many times. Where I don't make it.
My mind always tricks me into thinking that I really didn't make it."
Shrewnose gazed off, looking towards the night sky. Silverpelt reminding him of Starclan's peaceful eyes watching over them. It does not feel peaceful anymore, more so taunting. He could have been "one of them", the ones who didn't make it.
"You don't have to worry no more! I'll protect you Dad!" Hollykit said determinedly, gazing proudly.
"What? You will?" Shrewnose was surprised by his daughters sudden claim.
"Of course! I'll be one of the best warriors Thunderclan has ever seen! I'll protect everyone from the bad guys! And that includes nightmares! I'll beat them all up!"
Shrewnose laughed quietly, smiling as he did so. He picked Hollykit up by her scruff, placing her gently by her brothers.
"Really, I will!" she said.
"Purr-haps we will do the beating up in the morning, hmm? It's late."
"Daaaad, that's not funny." Hollykit pouted. She did not appreciate his puns yet, how sad. He would get her to enjoy them one day soon. A quiet yawn quickly followed suit.
"I like to think I'm pretty funny. Good night, my little leaf."
"Nighty night, dad." Hollykit responded, slowly slipping into the realm of sleep.
Shrewnose yawned, resting his head on the nest in a comfortable spot.
"Dad?" Hollykit whispered.
"Yes?"
"I'm happy that you are here and not in Starclan and that you are our Daddy. I don't want any other Dad but you."
Shrewnose beamed with more pride than any warrior who had earned their warrior name.
He quietly drifted off into an easy sleep, knowing his brave little Warrior would be there to protect him.
Just as fiercely as he would protect her.