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It was fun.
More fun than he’d ever had before.
When Beep Beep had decided to move away from his home to deeper in the vast desert and away from the little Wild West town he grew up in, he did so in hopes of finding himself. Or finding adventure. Just finding.. something. Something less drab, something to make life interesting.
And oh, he did.
In his life, he’d come across his fair share of coyote scares. Nothing too serious, as he and the others are far, far faster than them. And really, that’s all they had to do- outrun them. And eventually, without fail, the coyotes would get tired. They’d stop chasing. They’d give up, move on to something else.
So when he first encountered this one, he didn’t think much of it at all. Sure, he used peculiar contraptions rather than instinct, but everyone has their quirks, right?
So he outran him.
And then he outran him again.
And then… again.
And again.
And again and again and again and again.
And not only outrunning him, but consistently watching the coyote’s contraptions fail, time and time again.
And yet.. he kept at it.
He kept chasing him.
He was, without a doubt, the most determined creature Beep Beep had ever witnessed.
It was fascinating .
So eventually, he played along. He stopped merely running. He teased him, pushed boulders. Defied logic for the mere fun of it all.
In the beginning of his short interactions with the coyote, he was nervous that it would scare him away.
But nope. It certainly did not. In fact, if anything, it made the canine all the more determined, giving him that much more gusto.
And Beep Beep loved it.
He loved watching him, he loved trying to figure out how that brilliant mind of the coyote worked. That brilliant mind, so logical yet so, so unknowing when it came to simple and natural instinct. It was as if he merely… lacked that. Yet still, somehow, someway, was an utter genius. He was a walking contradiction.
Beep Beep couldn’t get enough of him.
Though as time passed, he couldn’t help but eventually notice how every time he encountered his dear coyote- every day- the dog seemed to get skinnier and skinnier. More sickly, more.. weak.
It was only then that the roadrunner realized that, oh. His resolve to catch him was not merely based on a vendetta, a challenge he wouldn’t back down from. No, it was a genuine hunt. It was no game for the coyote. He truly, actually wanted to eat him.
And isn’t that exciting?
So he upped the ante. He increased the teasing, the speed. He got closer and closer, dared to stand behind him and wait, inching nearer each time. And when the coyote turned, poof! He’d be long gone.
However, when one day the coyote didn’t show, he began to worry. This game of cat and mouse had been going on for ages- so long he lost count of the days, weeks, months. Years.
He spent that whole day searching. Searching, searching, searching. Searching…
Until he found him. In an empty cave, huddled up. Breathing shakily. He was so… skinny.
He sat there watching him for what felt like hours. Countless thoughts raced through his mind- When was the last time he ate? When does he eat? What does he eat? Is he eating? Why is he so thin? Does he even sleep? Has he finally given up?
And more, more, more.
He doesn’t remember leaving, though eventually he must have, as before he knew it, the next day arrived.
As did the coyote.
As if nothing had happened.
The chase continued, the falling, the growls, the anvils, the boulders.
Yet Beep Beep couldn’t stop thinking about it, what he saw. Clearly the coyote had not given up, though clearly he was on his last life, so to speak (not that he could even die in the first place, that Beep Beep is sure of).
He learned his name eventually. There was a gray rabbit, cunning and snarky. Beep Beep watched the whole thing, watched the weaponry that was usually used on him being used on the rabbit. He would be jealous if he weren’t so fascinated.
Fascinated by the coyote- nay- by Wile E. Coyote. Genius. Super genius.
He had never spoken before- if Beep Beep was being honest, he wasn’t even sure he could. He never even tried to imagine it. Though looking back, it made sense- why would he need to talk? It’s not as if they could carry on a conversation in the first place.
So he watched, entranced. Watched until that rabbit left, until Wile E. went silent again.
He wished he hadn’t.
He wanted to hear him speak more.
He never wanted him to stop.
So he began following him home. His actual home. It was a cave as well, but not the one he had witnessed him in before. Had he been too exhausted the other day to even find his way home?
He forced the thought out of his mind.
It was incredible, watching Wile E. work. Hearing him through the windows mumbling low, scratching off bad ideas angrily from the blue paper in front of himself, testing out new explosives and watching them backfire.
Beep Beep’s smile never left his face.
He had always been a little odd. Or so he’d been told. He never shied away from the strange( the peculiar. If anything, he was drawn to it.
He supposed this was merely another prime example of that.
Not that he was ashamed.
Everyone else was simply boring.
Everyone.. but Wile E.
He found him again one day, not even attempting to chase him. Though instead of being stranded in a random cave, he was instead sitting out in the blazing sun, staring off into nothing. His pupils mere dots, the red around his eyes deeper and heavier, panting. The entire time, clutching his stomach as if his life depended on it.
It was that day that he decided to approach. Approach and not run. Approach and speak.
“Hey.”
He was ignored.
“Hello?”
Again, nothing.
He walked to the front of Wile E., looking down at his face. When his gaze wasn’t met, he sat down, legs tucked comfortably underneath himself. His smile was ever present on his small face.
He gazed into the others eyes, eyes that appeared to be looking straight through him.
He stared for a few minutes before trying again. “You hungry?”
Ah. Finally, a reaction.
Wile E’s pupils dilated, and he finally met the eyes of the roadrunner. His breathing hitched, his body freezing more than it already was.
Beep Beep continued, leaning in close, “Wanna eat me? ”
Wile E.’s brows furrowed. Confused.
“Well, you can’t. Not now, at least. Sorry.” Beep Beep leaned back, smiling even brighter. “But I can sit with you here if you want!”
It was silent for a good ten seconds before he was finally graced with a response.
“I didn’t know you could speak,” came that silky voice of the coyote’s. Beep Beep’s eyes widened in excitement.
“Yes! As do you!”
“…Yes.”
Another pause.
“Say, Wile E., when was the last time you ate?”
“How do you know my name?”
“Unimportant. When was the last time you ate?”
Wile E. opened his mouth to answer, but quickly clamped it shut. His eyes narrowed. His hands twitched, though didn’t move from their place on his stomach. He was thinking. Considering.
Ultimately, he muttered, “I don’t know.”
Beep Beep nodded, his smile disappearing from his face. “Hm, I see.. It’s not my speed that prevents you from catching me, is it?”
Wile E. growled lowly. It made Beep Beep’s stomach do a flip.
“No,” said the coyote finally, “No, it’s not.”
“Then what is it?”
“I think you already know.”
A smile on his face again, as if nothing happened, Beep Beep laughed. “Your luck! No matter what, your contraptions fail. They work against you. They always do.”
The other’s head dipped slightly in a nod. “And so what of it? What does it matter?”
Beep Beep shrugged. Before he could even process what was happening, a large hand and sharp claws were clamped around his neck, squeezing tight. His eyes widened to saucers, though his smile didn’t waver.
He.. did not see that coming.
What a fascinating turn of events.
It seemed Wile E. was shocked too. His eyes flickered fast upon Beep Beep’s frame, as if deciding if he were real or not. Upon coming to a conclusion that he in fact was, his grip tightened even more, putting the other hand on top of his head, squeezing.
“You let down your guard.”
“I suppose I did,” is what Beep Beep wanted to say. Though currently couldn’t, given his.. predicament. The fifth time this had happened. How embarrassing!
He didn’t struggle, though. After all, didn’t the coyote deserve a win? He’d worked so hard so long, after all. Besides, waiting to see where this all would go was far more enticing than merely fighting the other off. He could, too. Wile E. may be considerably taller, but he was also very clearly frail at the moment. On the other hand, though.. he was still very strong. Ridiculously so.
The two sat like that for what felt like hours, though was likely only a few seconds.
Wile E. huffed.
He then.. let go.
He put his head in his hands.
And he growled.
Beep Beep blinked a few times. “Why’d you let go?”
Wile E. mumbled something.
“What was that? I didn’t hear-“
“It doesn’t count this way!” The coyote yelled out, head out of his hands, his gnarly teeth bared and eyes wide with hatred.
That only made Beep Beep smile that much wider. “So pride does play a part in it!” He shut his eyes with a sigh. “I like you. You’re funny.”
“Don’t insult me,” Wile E. snarled out.
“Oh, I’m not! It’s a compliment! See, I don’t find anything or anyone even slightly interesting these days.” Beep Beep cocked his head, opening his eyes as he continued, “Why do you think I’ve stuck around so long? You’re fun.”
“Fun.”
“Fun!”
“You think this is fun?”
Beep Beep thought for a moment. “Yes.”
“Well,” Wile E. scoffed, “At least one of us is enjoying this.”
There was a long pause.
“You never answered my question earlier.”
“What? Yes I did, I said I don’t know.”
“No, not that one,” Beep Beep said with a roll of his eyes.
“What one are you-“
“The one where I asked if you’re hungry.”
With a snarl, Wile E. lurched forward, nose to beak with the roadrunner. “Of course I’m hungry, you damned idiot! Do you find this fun? Insulting me? Ridiculing me? Making me to be a fool? Because it appears you’re the only fool here, you good for nothing chunk of meat.”
Beep Beep’s eyes widened. He knew that was meant to offend him, but he wasn’t offended. He was taken aback, sure, but not offended. More.. impressed, than anything.
It was then that an idea crossed his usually one track mind.
A brutal idea.
A gruesome one.
One that questioned any morals he may have had.
But really.. did he have any?
With a smile, he cocked his head the other way, leaning back to more easily observe the furious face of the other.
“Want me to help?”
Wile E. clearly wasn’t expecting that response, as he too backed away, face scrunched in confusion. “Help? Wha-“
“Because I know a lot of other animals, ya know.”
A pause.
“…So?”
With a fond huff, Beep Beep drawled out, “ Sooo , I’m a little innocent roadrunner! They’ll automatically trust me! They take my word for what I say! It’d be a piece of cake to lure them in!”
“Lure them in to- wait.” Wile E.’s eyes widened. “Lure them in for me to eat?”
Nodding enthusiastically, Beep Beep exclaimed a resounding “Yes! Bingo! Aww, I knew you were a genius!”
Wile E. scowled in response. “You’re pulling my leg.”
“Nope!”
“No sane being would do that.”
“Correct!”
“You realize this, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir!”
With a huff, Wile E. stood up. “I don’t believe you.”
“I swear I-“
“But!” The coyote interrupted, “I wasn’t finished. I don’t believe you… However, I will if you prove it.” He paused. “With someone you know personally.”
Beep Beep shot up excitedly, circling Wile E. quickly in excitement. “Ooo, a challenge! Yes yes, love it love it! I’ll get on it right away!”
Timing just right, Wile E. managed to shove the speed demon away mid-run, growling low. “Sure. Now go away, I have more important things to attend to.”
“Things pertaining to me? Things like preparing your next weaponry to try and catch me?” Beep Beep asked excitedly.
Wile E. scowled.
The other laughed. “You’re very interesting.”
“Shame. I don’t find you all that interesting.”
Beep Beep smiled. “You will.”
His was a fennec fox, name unimportant. Honestly, Beep Beep hadn’t even cared to remember it. He was merely one of the many acquaintances the roadrunner had made since adventuring away. A fellow free spirit , the fox had once said.
Though not a natural prey animal for a coyote, Beep Beep didn’t think Wile E. would especially care that much. The fox was a great deal smaller than any coyote, and he was meat, so what was the issue? Plus, this was a challenge. And with how determined Wile E. was and how utterly starved he looked, he was positive that he’d be grateful for any food at this point.
The fox was nice enough, Beep Beep supposed. The fox had lots of friends, always inviting the roadrunner to hang out with them. He had, in the beginning. But ever since meeting Wile E., he simply.. stopped.
The two were still in contact, the fox occasionally trying to coerce him into another group hangout. But Beep Beep always refused, too entertained with the coyote to even consider it.
So when he messaged the fox about wanting to hang out, he was immediately met with an enthusiastic response detailing him on another hangout happening that very night. Very convenient.
Upon arriving at the area— an underpass between two mountains forming into one at the top, leaving a wide space on the ground under a nice roof-like structure— Beep Beep was met with a few familiar faces, as well as a few ones.
There was the fennec fox of course, alongside his fellow fennec fox girlfriend, of which Beep Beep remembered to be a very kind girl. Shame he would be destroying such a happy relationship.
Not that he especially cared.
Others included a tortoise, a few bats, a couple iguanas, and a pronghorn. He recognized the pronghorn, the tortoise, and one of the iguanas from a past hangout, but the others were brand new faces to him.
Despite that, he was met with excitement, pats on his back, and resounding kindness. There was a bonfire going, songs playing, and overall an air of joy.
Beep Beep’s smile widened. This was going to be so fun!
Everyone introduced themselves, and though Beep Beep didn’t especially care to remember them, he did note the two fennec foxes names. Damien and Joseline.
“So, Beep Beep,” Damien began as the two sat upon a large rock next to the fire, “How have you been? It’s been so long! You must be up to a lot these days!”
Beep Beep nodded excitedly. “Oh, yes! I’ve been exploring nearly every corner of the desert! At this point I’ve lost track of just where I’ve been,” he said with a laugh.
“Wow, how fun! I bet that’s so exciting,” Joseline said with interest, elbows on her knees as she held her face in her hands.
“Oh, very!”
He purposefully left out the details about the reason why he was running around so much- well, more than usual, that was. He didn’t want to cause any more attention to himself than was already necessary.
As the evening progressed into night, he got to know the others a bit more. The two iguanas were twin brothers, old childhood friends of Damien. The three bats were the same thing to Joseline- old friends. Apparently they did cheerleading together back in school. The tortoise and pronghorn were newer friends of the fennec foxes, but they seemed very close despite that fact. Damien always did have a welcoming personality.
A trusting personality, too.
It’s why he was so perfect for this.
At what must’ve been two in the morning, the group began dispersing. The pronghorn went first, saying how she needed her rest, though that she had lots of fun. The tortoise was next, then the iguanas. The bats had a long goodbye with Joseline, talking for what felt like ages.
Finally though, it was just him, Damien, and Joseline. Joseline was currently putting out the fire, while Damien was working on collecting the stereo he had brought, as well as cleaning up the last of the bottles and snack bags that had been scattered about. Most had been cleaned up by the others, but there were still a few here and there.
Approaching him, Beep Beep had his ever present smile plastered on his face.
“Hey, Damien?”
“Oh hey there! Want to help me clean up the rest of these? I swear, Josh can be so messy!”
Beep Beep had no idea who Josh was.
Still, he nodded. “Of course! Uh, but I did have a question for you.”
Damien straightened up and smiled at him. “Yeah, what’s up?”
Glancing at Joseline who was making sure the flames were fully out, Beep Beep purposefully stuttered over his words. “W-well, I would prefer asking you somewhere more private…”
Face going serious, Damien nodded determined. “But of course!” He looked back to his girlfriend, shouting out, “Hey, ol’ Beep Beep here just needs to talk to me for a bit- mind if I step away for a second?”
Joseline looked back with a smile. “No worries! I’ll just be here!”
“Thanks, hon!” Damien said before turning back to Beep Beep with a smile. “Alright, let’s go!”
The two walked about two minutes away, out of sight and hearing distance from Joseline. After Beep Beep stopped walking, so did Damien.
“So,” the fox began, “What is it you needed to talk to me about? Everything okay?”
Beep Beep lowly muttered nonsense.
“Sorry, what was that, buddy? Didn't quite catch that.” Just as planned, Damien approached right by his side to hear him better.
In a split second, Beep Beep tackled him to the ground, a foot crushing his throat so he couldn’t yell out.
The smile never once left his face.
Damien’s own face twisted into something horrified, confused.
Betrayed.
With a tilt of his head, Beep Beep sighed. “Sorry bud, but I gotta do this. Wile E. is waiting, after all!” He laughed, “Don’t wanna make a bad impression!”
“Wha-“ Damien croaked out, barely audible. He didn’t get to finish his word before Beep Beep pressed harder down. His claws squeezed, drawing slow blood.
“Aww, don’t be like that! Honestly it’s your fault. You really should’ve had more questions when I was the one to reach out for the first time in years.”
Damien’s eyes filled with tears. Whether from despair or pain, Beep Beep wasn’t sure. He didn’t care, though.
“Now!” The roadrunner began excitedly, “Let’s go meet my b.f.f., shall we?” In one quick movement, he flipped Damien up, holding him in his wings. In a split second, he began running, the fox gasping a pained breath as he was shot back against Beep Beep’s chest.
It was only mere seconds that Beep Beep covered miles upon miles, arriving at the makeshift home in the mouth of the mountain cave.
“Here we are!”
Though his throat was damaged, Damien still attempted to speak. It came out gurgled, blood dripping from his mouth. His hands shook as he tried to shove away from Beep Beep.
“D’aw, don’t worry! It’ll be over soon!” Beep Beep paused. “Well, maybe. Wile E. can be unpredictable… Oh, well! I got you here, and that’s what counts!”
Knocking with one of his feet repeatedly, the door swung open after a minute or so, and he was met with the frustrated face of Wile E. Before the coyote could get a word out, Beep Beep zoomed in past him, Wile E.’s head immediately swiveling back to look at him.
“And just what are you doing here? How did you even find me?” He snarled out.
With a small laugh, Beep Beep turned around, presenting the fox in his arms. “Unimportant. But look! I caught one!”
“You- what?”
“Well, you told me to bring you one- one I know. And I know this one! His name is Damien!”
Wile E. blinked, shutting the door and locking it before slowly walking over. He took in the fennec foxes’ panicked face, his struggling against the roadrunner’s determined grip.
“I… didn’t think you’d actually do it.”
“Aw, how mean! I’m not a liar, y’know!” Beep Beep said with a pout.
Shaking his head, Wile E. came closer, easily picking Damien up by the scruff of his neck with one hand, holding him out in front of his face and inspecting him.
He scoffed. “This is a predator, idiot.”
Beep Beep snorted. “Oh please, like you care!”
There was a short pause before Wile E. shrugged. “Yeah okay, fair enough.”
“What are..” Damien began before taking a shaking breath, blood dribbling from his mouth, which made Wile E.’s lip curl in an annoyed frown.
Beginning again, the fennec fox muttered out, “What are.. you doing with…” he gasped, “this coyote? What’s..” a bloodied cough. “What's… going on?”
“Well,” Beep Beep said excitedly, “This here is my best friend-“
“Not even your friend.”
“-And he’s very hungry, you see! So I offered to bring him a little snack!” He giggled, “Aren’t I just the nicest?”
Damien choked on a gasp, breathing heavy as he stopped struggling to escape from Wile E.’s sharp grasp.
“Well,” Wile E. said, looking back towards Beep Beep, “You’re one absurd bird, I’ll give you that much.”
Beep Beep flushed slightly.
Wile E. didn’t notice.
“Hold this, will ya?” The coyote said before carelessly throwing the battered body of Damien over to him. Beep Beep easily caught him, standing steady on one leg as he held the fox in the other, claws digging deep into his stomach. He smiled as he ignored the groans of pain coming from the smaller animal.
He watched intently as Wile E. walked over to his oven, turning on the stove and setting a very large pot filled with water on it. He then leaned back and tapped his foot as he waited.
After a good ten minutes or so, Wile E. seemed to deem it boiled enough, and walked back over to the living room, grabbing Damien by the neck as if he were a ragdoll, and tossed him into the pot.
Utterly pained screams filled the area. Though given the damage done to the foxes throat, it was less of screams and more of gurgles than anything. Wile E. rolled his eyes.
“So annoying.”
Beep Beep cocked his head, zipping over. “Why didn’t you kill him first then?”
“Too much work.”
“Ironic, coming from you.”
“Zip it. Grab me some paprika, pepper, and salt, would you? Spice cabinet is over there.” Wile E. pointed over to a cabinet to the right, in which Beep Beep quickly opened and spotted the items needed, setting them down next to the coyote.
“Gonna add anything else?” He asked curiously.
Wile E. gave him a side eye. “Why do you care?”
Beep Beep shrugged, “Just curious, is all!”
With a large inhale followed by a deep sigh, Wile E. spoke over the slowly dwindling gurgles. “Well, once his fur boils off and he dies from either the burns or the pain, I’ll take him out and spice him up a bit. Then I’ll put him in the oven- speaking of which, can you preheat it?- and then, well. Dinner. Or, breakfast, I suppose”
“Fun!”
A pause.
“Are you sadistic or something?”
“Hmm, or something, I suppose,” Beep Beep replied with causality.
“Huh.”
The two stood in silence for a while. Beep Beep watched as Wile E. went through the motions. He observed intently, utterly fascinated.
It was only when Wile E. took what used to be Damien out of the oven before he acknowledged the bird once more. “Just how long do you plan to stay here, anyway?”
“Hm, I don’t know!” Beep Beep said happily. “Until you kick me out, I suppose!”
He never did kick him out that night.
When the sun arose that morning, Beep Beep went out on a long run. He doubled back though upon seeing a large gaggle of creatures, grouped up as if having a meeting in the middle of the desert. He stopped behind a rock, listening in.
“-I just don’t know! He went off with one of our friends earlier this morning and just.. never returned! He’s not answering any of my messages, either.”
“And are you sure this friend didn’t do anything to him?”
A scoff, “Oh please, don’t be ridiculous! He’s a roadrunner .”
Peeking his head over the rock, Beep Beep took in the sight in front of him. Joseline, alongside all of the group from the night before, as well as many, many others that he didn’t recognize, were standing huddled together.
He knew immediately what they were talking about.
Now, the question was how he should go about this…
Should he make up a story? A vicious coyote attacking them?
No, coyotes weren’t natural predators of fennec foxes. Wile E. may be odd, but it’s not as if the others knew that.
Tell them the truth? He nearly laughed out loud at the thought.
Ooh , he got it!
Walking out, he approached the group. “Hey, what’s going on here?”
Joseline gasped, “Beep Beep! Oh thank goodness you’re here! I didn’t know your number, so I couldn’t— oh, it doesn’t matter! Damien is missing!”
Widening his eyes, Beep Beep gasped. “Missing? But how?”
“Well, we don’t know.. We were hoping you might know something!” She replied desperately.
Pretending to mull it over, Beep Beep put a wing to his chin. “Hmmm… I’m afraid I don’t know. After talking to him, we went our separate ways. I zoomed off to my own home and he began walking back to you!”
Joseline’s breath hitched. “…What?”
Beep Beep nodded with a frown. “Yeah. I’m sorry, I wish I could help more…”
“You could help us look for him,” one of the iguanas from the night before said with a scoff.
Joseline’s face turned angry. “Josh, come on! Beep Beep is very busy these days! Don’t pressure him! I’m sure if he was able to help, he would.” She looked towards the roadrunner in question. “Right?”
With a nod, Beep Beep said, “Yes, that’s right. I’d love to help, but unfortunately I have a very long day planned ahead with a friend of mine.. and I’m sure he’d be quite cross with me if I bailed.”
Joseline smiled softly. “Well, that’s alright. We already have a pretty large crew here. Have fun, alright? And stay safe. Please. We don’t know what might be out there that took him...”
Beep Beep smiled. “I will. Oh, and hey, between you and me…” he paused for dramatic effect. “I’m sure you’ll find him.”
“Thank you,” she replied through teary eyes.
With a final nod, Beep Beep zipped on away.
Upon arriving back at Wile E.’s house, he ventured around before finding him snoozing away in what he could only assume was his bedroom. Though if he was being honest, it looked basically identical to what his workroom looked like, just with a bed.
He smiled. Hopping up on the bed, he stood over the coyote, eyes wide as he stared down at him.
Taking a deep inhale, he let out a loud “ Beep beep!”, startling Wile E. wide awake. The coyote shuffled back against his headboard as he huffed heavily, eyes wide as he was startled awake. He quickly caught his bearings though, looking up at the roadrunner standing over him.
He scowled.
“What is wrong with you?”
Beep Beep shrugged.
With a sigh, Wile E. roughly shoved him away, causing him to topple over onto the bed beside him. Wile E. quickly got off though, walking casually out of the room.
Beep Beep caught up to him in less than half a second.
“Are you really not going to leave me alone unless I tell you to?” Wile E. asked as he exited the home.
“Correct.”
“Hm.”
Though Beep Beep hated walking and not running, he grinned and bore it in order to keep pace with Wile E. as he walked through the desert.
“If you hate me so much, why don’t you tell me to leave?” Beep Beep questioned with a smile.
A shrug. “Don’t know. Suppose I’m too used to you by now.”
“Hm!”
There was another short silence. He had no idea where Wile E. was walking, but he didn’t ask.
“Are you going to keep chasing me?”
Wile E. thought for a moment. “Hm… maybe. Unless you want to keep catching things for me.” It was clearly a joke- a dry one, but a joke nonetheless- but Beep Beep took it into genuine consideration.
On one hand, it would include the chasing to be stopped, which was disappointing. It was the highlight of his days.
But on the other hand, he’d be gaining a new hobby that still included him spending time by the coyote’s side.
So although he’d be losing one thing, he’d certainly be gaining another. Besides, they had been playing cat and mouse for so long now. Wasn’t it about time for a change? Plus, while it was ridiculously fun to tease Wile E. while on the go, he found it far more entertaining to be able to do it up close for longer periods of time.
Apparently his silence while he mulled this over had caught the attention of the coyote he walked beside. He realized this as he was shoved slightly by him.
“Hey. You’re not actually considering that, are you?”
“Well of course I am!”
“That is ridiculous.”
Beep Beep shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like you mind all that much. Less work for you!”
“And what if I like the work? What if I like brainstorming?”
Looking up at him, Beep Beep tilted his head, considering what was said. “ Do you like it?”
A growl.
“Of course I do!”
“Oh.”
He thought for a minute more before smiling.
“Well, then we can team up!”
Wile E. scoffed, “Oh please, I’ll be fine.”
“Mmm nope! You said it yourself, it’s your luck that gets you, not my speed!”
A sigh.
“Alright, then. So what do you propose? I set things up, while you lure?”
Beep Beep laughed, “Well, looks like you already have it all planned out! You were right about liking brainstorming!”
As they continued walking side by side, Wile E. put a hand to his chin, humming as he considered what was being said. “Well,” he began, “it would certainly be more practical. I’m far more brilliant than you-“
Beep Beep didn’t take offense.
“-But you're still a force to be reckoned with. Plus you have the knowledge of where everyone else is hiding. Put that together, and it’s near foolproof.”
The roadrunner nodded excitedly. “Yes! So do you agree? We should team up?”
“Ah ah ah, I wasn’t done!” Wile E. shut him down, “See, while you’d certainly prove to be a valuable asset, I fail to see what exactly you’d be getting out of this. I get to eat, but what do you gain?”
“I get to spend time with you,” came the simple answer.
Wile E. scowled. “Be serious.”
“I am! You’re funny. I like you.”
Rolling his eyes, Wile E. didn’t argue further, seeing no real point in doing so. If the roadrunner wanted to be weird, so be it. That wasn’t his problem.
And so it went.
It was easy.
Almost too easy.
He targeted Joseline next. She knew too much. She was easy to coerce to follow him as well, assuming he likely had found out something.
As predicted, she was horrified upon stepping into the trap that was set, being wrapped up in a hanging net. With widened eyes, she looked towards Beep Beep.
“Beep Beep! Help get me out of this!”
Shaking his head, the roadrunner huffed a small laugh. “Aw, I’m sorry! My friend is hungry!”
“Your fri- What?” Her face contorted in confusion. Upon hearing footsteps approaching from behind her, she maneuvered best she could to turn around. Upon seeing the large coyote approaching, she gasped. Immediately, she whipped her head back to look at the roadrunner she considered her friend.
“Beep Beep, get away! This trap was probably set for you! He won’t hurt me, don’t worry!”
How pitiful.
“You assume too quickly,” Wile E. drawled out, cutting down the net after ensuring it was tied shut.
“What?” Joseline questioned. Things seemed to click though upon seeing Beep Beep walk up to him, smiling.
She gasped. “Your friend…”
“Bingo!” Beep Beep said excitedly.
“And unfortunately for you, dear fox, I haven’t a preference what animal you are, what category you fall into in terms of predator or prey. You’re smaller, less intelligent, and you have meat on your bones. That’s enough incentive for me to make you my supper.” As Wile E. spoke, Joseline trembled.
But not at what he was saying. Though, that too was quite scary.
But, no. That wasn’t her main focus. What she really cared about and was focused on was Beep Beep. As the coyote spoke, she couldn’t help but observe the bird, watching the way he looked up at the large predator, eyes shining and smiling soft.
Awestruck. He was infatuated .
Her eyes widened. “Oh my god… You’re in love with him. You’re in love with the coyote.”
Wile E.’s brows furrowed. “What-?”
“You… that’s why you’re doing this, isn’t it?” She asked, still only looking at Beep Beep. “You love him. You’re.. you’re deranged!” She finished her statement with a screech, scratching and clawing at the netting surrounding her, trying to escape.
“My, you're quite the noisy one, aren’t you? I think it’s high time we quiet you down, don’t you agree?” Wile E. said, pointedly ignoring what she had said.
“No! Please, stop this!” Joseline begged.
With a scoff, Wile E. rolled his eyes and began to walk the short distance to his home. “Obnoxious. Just like the other one.”
“The.. other one?”
“Well, yeah!” Beep Beep chimed in, easily keeping pace with Wile E. “Damien. Where else do you think he went?”
“No…”
Arriving at the door, the two walked in, Wile E. still carrying the net with Joseline. Ignoring the sobs coming from it, Beep Beep grabbed a saw with a smile.
“Here!” He said as he offered it to the coyote, “So she won’t make as much noise.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“No problemo!”
It was fascinating, honestly; watching Wile E. cut into her throat. Seeing the blood spill, the life leaving her eyes. It was almost like watching an alternate universe, observing what could’ve been him had things gone differently. After all, Wile E. had caught him nearly five times now- they all had merely backfired last minute. Whether by law-defying physics or mere technical difficulties, they never did end in him being cooked in a stew.
After all, Wile E. had said it himself- Beep Beep was a force to be reckoned with.
Though if you asked him, he’d say the same about Wile E. Sure, he had bad luck, and sure, he didn’t always read the fine print on the machinery he acquired. But he was undeniably brilliant . Brilliant and uncaring, uncaring on just how brutal his traps may be. If it worked, it worked, and that’s all he seemed to care about.
Which is why it was such a fascinating thought to imagine himself in Joseline’s place. His smile never left his face as he watched her eyes desperately try and connect to his entertained ones, begging for her life in one mere look. And then, once the squelching noises of the saw in her neck hit the crunch of her bone, he watched as those same eyes went unnaturally wide before becoming dull, any spark leaving as she took her final breath.
To be honest, it was quite incredible just how long she had lasted. Her unshakable spirit was exceptionally admirable. He hoped he could be like that, too.
Since he was already on it, Wile E. silently decided to decapitate her, to just finish it and go all the way. Not like he really needed the head, anyway.
“What are you going to do with it?” Beep Beep asked.
Wile E. shrugged, “Well I suppose I could eat the eyes and brain. They’re not exactly my favorite, but I can’t afford to be picky.”
“I think you can,” Beep Beep said, “After all, you’ve got me to help now!”
“Hm, true… I suppose then that I’ll simply put it in the incinerator like the other one, along with the bones once I’m finished.”
Beep Beep nodded. “Smart idea as always, Wile E.!”
There was a small bit of a silence as Wile E. worked, putting more care into preparing Joseline than he did with Damien. Beep Beep safely assumed it was due to how hungry he was last time. This time though, he could spare to be a bit more thought out.
He found himself thoroughly entertained merely watching him. Skinning her, stuffing her. Like a Thanksgiving turkey. Not that he’d know from personal experience; he’d only seen it in movies and books.
It wasn’t until Joseline was in the oven that Wile E. turned his attention back to the roadrunner. His face was serious, brows furrowed. He rested his left elbow on the counter, interlocking his hands as he leaned.
“So,” he began slowly, “Mind explaining what all that jabbering from her was about earlier?”
“What do you mean? She said quite a lot,” Beep Beep responded with a cock of his head.
Wile E. huffed. “That you’re supposedly in love with me. Why would she say that? You know her better than I do. Well.. knew, I suppose.”
“Oh!” Beep Beep laughed, “Yeah, I am. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t wo- how would I not worry about that!?” The coyote exclaimed, throwing his hands out in front of himself as he approached the other.
“What? I don’t get the issue here! I thought I made it obvious!”
“Uh, no?! You said you found me interesting . Funny.”
“Yeah, ‘cause you are! Hilarious, even!”
“That doesn’t mean you’re in love with me.”
“Yes it does! Because it’s not just the funny aspect! It was the first time I heard your voice…” Beep Beep trailed off with a sigh.
“Ah. So recently then?” Wile E. questioned.
“Mmm nope! With that rabbit, remember? That annoying gray one?”
Wile E. raised a brow. “You saw that?”
“Mhm! Each time! I was a bit jealous, y’know.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Maybe. But I am in love with you, so it makes sense!”
Slapping his face into his hand, Wile E. shook his head. “What am I even supposed to do with this information…”
“Oh, don’t worry about it! I know you don’t feel the same, it’s okay! I just like being around you,” Beep Beep responded with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.
“Until two days ago, I saw you as nothing but food.”
“Romantic, isn’t it?” The roadrunner said with a wistful sigh, “The thought of it all is so exciting!”
“You’re insane.”
“Mmm maybe!”
“I saw the way you were watching me prepare to cook her.”
“Aww really? You do notice me!”
Wile E. growled. “Of course I noticed! You’re the prey here, nothing but a meal. Yet you seem to enjoy watching others being cooked all too much, as if that won’t be you someday.”
“Do you promise?” Beep Beep asked a bit too sincerely.
Wile E. didn’t respond after that. Merely froze for a second or two before clenching his fists and growling as he turned away, shaking his head. He muttered something under his breath, but Beep Beep didn’t hear quite what he said. Didn’t matter, though. Wasn’t like he’d leave or anything if it was something mean. Not until he was explicitly told to.
So when Wile E. wordlessly let him sleep next to him that night, he didn’t say a thing about it.
After all, why ruin something so good?
“So what do you do when you’re not chasing me? Besides reading.”
“Invent.”
“Oh? But I thought you got most of your stuff from A.C.M.E.?”
“Hm, yes. In which I work for them. I’m an inventor. Super genius, remember? ”
“Wow, fascinating! It makes sense though, now that I think about it!”
The two were currently sitting on Wile E.’s couch, the coyote reading a book as Beep Beep asked him questions. The other didn’t appear annoyed though, which was a plus. He was a genius after all, so it would make sense that he was capable of both answering his questions while also taking in the information from his book.
“Do you have any friends?”
“Don’t need them.”
“Can I be your friend?”
A pause. A flip of a page. A huff.
“Sure.”
Score!
“My family called me today,” Beep Beep casually mentioned as Wile E. cooked up Josh a few days later.
“Fascinating,” Wile E. responded dryly.
“They want me to come over.”
“And this matters.. why?”
He shrugged. “Thought you might wanna come with.”
“And why on earth would I ever do that?”
“Dunno. Food, I guess.”
The mixing spoon Wile E. was using was suddenly slapped down onto the counter as he whipped his head to the right, looking at Beep Beep slack jawed.
“There is no way you could possibly be suggesting what I think you are.”
Beep Beep shrugged.
Wile E. swiped a hand across his face, groaning. “My dear boy, you have got to stop. You may be uncaring towards those who care about you, but your family is crossing a line.”
“I’m not uncaring towards you!”
“Besides the point. I don’t care about you, so it doesn’t count.”
“Bummer. Well, my family is boring, so it’s okay! Not like you care anyway.”
“I’m not doing it.”
“Aww why not?”
“Because you’d regret it. Just.. trust me on this. Okay? Family is important. You shouldn’t take what you have for granted. If your family still cares about you, you owe them at least an attempt to do the same.”
The conversation ended there.
They say distance makes the heart grow stronger. So when Beep Beep returned from the week-long visit with his family to be met with a wordless head pat from Wile E., he could only hope that the silly saying was true.
Anvils, catapults, old fashioned stick and box traps, all sorts of absurd and creative traps and tricks. Ones Beep Beep was quite familiar with, though had never actually seen succeed.
It was quite amazing to finally see them in action and witness the payoff.
He doesn’t think he’s ever smiled as genuinely as he has during it all.
Days turned into weeks, into months. Beep Beep had never known meat could be cooked in so many different ways. Stew, stuffed, meticulously cut apart to eat the pieces separately.
He observed silently all the while. Noting what were the coyote’s favorites.
Ringtails and oxes seemed to be what he enjoyed eating the most. The ox were hard to catch, but oh so rewarding. Though he also seemed to enjoy lemmings as a little snack, more as appetizers. Due to this, Beep Beep had made sure to stack up on them for future use.
Eventually, Wile E.’s large freezer was filled to the brim. All sorts of meats, all labeled. Some more bloody than others, some pulverized while others very intact. When the coyote wasn’t looking, Beep Beep liked opening it up and staring at them all. It made him smile.
He was so proud of himself.
He was confronted about it one day. Apparently he hadn’t been as sneaky as he thought he was. Wile E. had cornered him, caught in the act. His arms were crossed.
“What are you doing?” He had asked.
Beep Beep looked up at him with a grin. “Just looking.”
“Why? Having regrets?” The coyote paused. “No shame in backing out. I won’t care.”
Beep Beep doubted that. He didn’t say that, though.
Laughing, he shook his head. “Oh, no! I’m admiring. Isn’t it amazing, just how well we work as a team? We could conquer the world if we wanted!”
Wile E. snorted. “I highly doubt that. Though your optimism is entertaining.”
That made Beep Beep’s heart soar.
Mornings were slow. In the past, both were up early on their own terms. Beep Beep going on his runs and Wile E. setting up his next schemes to catch him.
He couldn’t remember how long it had been since that was their routine.
He didn’t mind, though. Not when now, he got to spend each morning huddled up next to the coyote, who was snoring away. It didn’t bother him, though. He found it cute.
Usually Wile E. would be faced away from him. Today though, he wasn’t.
Instead, the bird woke to an arm wrapped around him tightly, a head resting on top of his.
He smiled, and cuddled closer.
When we woke up, Wile E. acted if all was normal.
And it became so.
A year passed.
Somehow, by some stroke of luck, no one had caught on to the fact that being around the resident roadrunner was dangerous. Not that it was an issue- it made everything all the more convenient.
The two were sitting atop a cliff one night. Wile E. rested his head upon the others. Beep Beep smiled wide.
It was quiet, dark.
Peaceful.
Wile E. asked his name.
He told him.
And if Wile E. then whispered to Beep Beep how he was the most interesting creature he’d ever met, well… Beep Beep wouldn’t say a thing. Why ruin a good thing with words?
So he showed it through action instead, his joy.
And when it was reciprocated? That’s when he knew for a fact that, yes.
Everything was as it should be.