Chapter Text
“Ben’s watching us again,” Warren said to Kyle. It was quiet enough that it could pass as aimed solely at Kyle, but Warren knew damn well Ben could hear.
“Is he?” Kyle sounded amused. He reached up and pulled Warren into a longer, hotter kiss. Ben felt himself flush. He didn’t look away. When they surfaced, still locked in a close embrace, Kyle said, “Well, as long as he’s having fun.”
Warren didn’t try to catch Ben’s eye. “He can walk away any time he wants.”
They stopped talking after that. Ben watched them make out in an unused hallway in the convention center for awhile. They never did more than that in public, though the way Kyle smelled made Ben think he would be up for more. After a bit, he walked away.
**
Ben was having a very confusing couple of months. For all he flirted, and had fucked a few women, he had never enjoyed sex. He figured something about his fucked up childhood and fucked up first Alpha had fucked him up. Porn didn’t work for him, just made rage and shame curl in his gut. He jacked off, sure, but more like- like hunting in wolf form. Energetic release but not really thinking in more than the moment. He didn’t fantasize, per se.
Except.
He thought it had started after Mercy had been raped, and then gone on to heal enough to enjoy what sure as hell seemed like a vigorous sex life. Or maybe it was earlier than that, the Marrock interviewing him and then Adam, deciding he was worth saving. Maybe it was later than that, when he’d scared off a co-worker’s stalker. When he started climbing up from the bottom ranks of the Pack.
Shit, maybe it wasn’t any of that. Maybe it was all Warren and Kyle, protection and affirmation, affection and kind eyes and gentle hands. Warren’s ease with the way Kyle flirted with Ben, even though they were mates. The way Kyle moved right over when Ben sometimes crawled into bed with them to sleep.
Whatever it was, something had shifted.
**
A different night, a different hallway, same scene. Except Ben half-thought Kyle had lured him back here, to watch. Except Ben was getting turned on.
He knew it was a possibility. They’d started appearing in flashes when he touched himself. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Warren’s nose flared, catching Ben’s scent, and he got a half-second of eye contact. Ben swallowed down panic.
“Think Ben’s enjoying himself more than usual.” he murmured in Kyle’s ear. There was no anger to it.
“Oh,” Kyle said breathlessly, “really?” He squirmed in Warren’s hold.
Warren laughed, low and wicked. “You like that, darlin’?” He nipped at Kyle’s ear. “Like bein’ shown off to him?”
Kyle’s heart skipped a beat. Ben thought his did, too. “Yeah,” Kyle breathed, scent deepening with arousal, “you know I do.”
Warren scraped his teeth down Kyle’s throat. “I know you do,” he agreed, voice warm.
For a minute, it was fine. Then, for the first time since they’d started doing whatever this was, Kyle broke the script. He twisted to look directly at Ben. “Ben? You okay over there?”
Ben froze. He swallowed, opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He closed it again.
“Ben?” Warren prompted, a thread of his dominance lacing is voice.
Ben bolted.
**
He came back to them. Of course he fucking did. He wasn’t stupid, he knew he’d have to apologize. Or say something, at least. Or maybe not, Kyle was kind like that. But they wouldn’t let him slink off. Which was what he really wanted to do, just go wolf and curl up under a bush somewhere for a few days.
Instead, after an hour of pointless stalling, Ben made his way back to Kyle’s house. He was staying in their guest bedroom. What else was he going to do?
Because his life was usually a constant fucking disaster, they were waiting for him. Kyle popped right up from the couch. “Ben! Oh thank God, I thought- are you alright? I’m so sorry.”
Ben hovered at the edge of the room. Kyle stank of worry and guilt and distress. Warren smelled steadier. He stayed sitting. “Give him a minute, Kyle.”
Kyle took a deep breath and calmed himself. He ran his hands down his pants. “I’m going to grab a beer,” he said. “Anyone else?” Warren passed, but Ben hesitantly nodded. Kyle had that effect on him.
Once Kyle was out of the room, Warren met his eyes. He smiled a little, the corners of his eyes crinkling with it. “You wanna come here?” He held an arm up in invitation.
Slowly, searching for any hint of a scent that indicated Warren might lunge for him, Ben came. He crouched, sitting gingerly on the couch next to Warren. Warren held still with a hunter’s patience while Ben leaned against him. His hand came up, nice and slow, and settled on Ben’s neck. Ben exhaled and slumped.
“Ain’t no one in this house mad at you, Ben,” Warren said. Ben heard the truth in it. “And ain’t no one going to make you do a thing you don’t want, or kick you out for what you decide. Save doing your laundry, maybe.”
Ben huffed. His tendency to leave his, as Kyle put it, disgusting socks everywhere was a regular point of contention. It lent a nice touch of normalcy to the night.
Kyle came back with beer. He put Ben’s on the table and settled on Warren’s other side. “So, I owe you an apology. Or several, really. You’re my friend, and this was a shitty way to do this.”
Ben didn’t really want to look Kyle in the eye just now, but he made himself. He pushed away from Warren a little. Warren kept a hand on Ben’s neck. “And what is “this””?
Kyle pointed. “That’s the first thing I owe you an apology for. I would absolutely never let a stranger watch me and Warren without having a clear conversation about what everyone involved was getting from it and where the boundaries were. Even though I’m pretty damn certain I have a lot more experience than you at this type of thing.”
“This...type of thing.” Ben was struggling to keep up. He saw Warren and Kyle look at each other, and thought something must have passed along their mating bond too.
“Let’s start with the apologies.” Kyle reached toward him and then paused. “Ben, is it alright for me to hold your hand?” Bemused, Ben held out his hand and let Kyle have it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I wanted or ask what you wanted. I’m sorry I let things go unspoken until they hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t explain, or at least point you toward resources when I started to think you might need them.”
Ben blinked. That was a lot.
“I’m sorry too, Ben,” Warren said. “Kyle’s done a lot of thinking about sexual ethics, but just because he’s thought it over more or is better at words than me doesn’t mean all that doesn’t go for me, too. I owe you better, as a person, as my friend, and as my packmate.”
Right. This was getting weird again. “Uh.”
Kyle smiled. In his best imitation of Mercy in her teaching-you-how-to-be-a-person voice, he said, “Now you say, “I accept your apology.” Or “fuck right off.””
Ben laughed. “Fine, yes, we’re fine.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I wasn’t there.”
Kyle gave his hand a squeeze. “Annnd now for the education part.” Ben pulled his hand gently free.
“I know you know this,” Warren said. He finally released his hold on Ben’s neck to tap his nose lightly. “And that you’ve kept it to yourself, which we appreciate.”
Ben hesitated. “You fuck other people.”
Kyle winked. “We fuck other people,” he confirmed. “And how!”
Warren laughed. “You’d think my wolf would be a problem, but Kyle’s so much fun when he’s all worked up. And being shown off works him very up.” His voice was rich with amusement and appreciation.
Kyle smiled, cheeks flushed. “So that’s what we’re getting out of it,” he said brightly. “What are you getting out of it?”
Ben couldn’t speak again. He made a frustrated little whine.
“Too broad?” Kyle asked. Ben jerked his head in a nod. “Alright. How about some yes/no options?”
Ben felt like he was being babied. He hated it. He also couldn’t figure out what else they could do. “Fine.” He knew there was an edge to his voice. He couldn’t help it.
Kyle gave him a thoughtful look, then dropped his gaze. The implied submission soothed Ben. “Warren says you haven’t been turned on watching us before tonight. Would you agree?”
“Yeah,” he said. That one was surprisingly easy.
“We’ve been in a lot of, let’s call them semi-public places. Were you worried about us being caught? Gay bashed?”
Ben jerked. “Yes.”
Kyle cocked his head. It was a human gesture, but it meant he bared a bit of throat. Ben wanted to lean over and nip it. “Did you like getting to see us like that, in a way most people don’t?”
Ben licked his lips. “Yes.”
That bit of throat remained bared. “Are you attracted to us?”
Face flaming, Ben nodded.
“I like that,” Kyle told him. “I like that you want us, and that you’re willing to tell me.”
It was like a gut punch, heady with rising arousal but shards of icy fear everywhere too. “Settle down,” Warren said to both of them. And then, gently rebuking, “Kyle.”
Kyle lowered his eyes. “Does it scare you, that I’m attracted to you?” Ben couldn’t bring himself to answer. “I promise, I will never do something you don’t want.”
Ben gave him a twisted smile. “I’m not very good at saying no.”
Kyle and Warren both took sharp breaths in. “That’s enough,” Warren said. “Ben, Kyle’s going to email you a reading list. You have any questions, you can ask us. No more watching us until we can talk about how and why.”
Warren stood, and brought Kyle up with him. “Cheer up,” Kyle said. “If anyone asks, you can honestly tell them you’re reading The Ethical Slut.”
**
The reading was informative. It took sodding forever, because Ben kept having to close tabs and stare blankly at a wall. He prided himself on the wide variety of R-rated language he knew. This was giving him a whole new set of vocabulary.
Coming out, yes, he knew that. Aspec, arospec, demisexual, grey ace, those were all new words. Trauma, rape, survivor- familiar. A cheat sheet of things people like him had tried when words wouldn’t come was new. Open relationships and polyamory instead of cheating. A brief overview of BDSM, which didn’t appeal at all, though the expanded definitions of dominant and submissive gave context for some of the things Kyle laughed at. Safewords, though. Ways of saying no without saying no.
Maybe.
Maybe he wasn’t quite as fucked up as he’d always thought.
It was late when he finished, two in the morning several weeks after their conversation. He had work in the morning. Kyle and Warren did, too. He should go to sleep.
Ben felt like he was vibrating out of his skin.
He tried to talk himself down for some indeterminate time. It didn’t work. Finally, he gave in. Moving as quietly as he could, he stepped down the hall and opened the door to Warren and Kyle’s bedroom. Warren’s eyes flicked open as Ben entered, shutting the door behind him. He stayed where he was for a moment.
Warren raised his eyebrows. “Coming?” he asked, in a whisper below the threshold of human hearing. Relieved, Ben padded over and sat on the bed. Kyle made a faint, confused sound, still mostly asleep. “Just Ben,” Warren told him. Kyle hummed. Ben laid down, keeping an awkward inch between them. Kyle tossed an arm over him and curled closer, sighing contentedly. Ben willed himself to relax. He didn’t manage it until Warren reached over a ran a hand from Ben’s shoulder down his back. Ben let out a deep breath. He inhaled, letting the scent of them fill his lungs. His mind stopped roiling and he dropped into sleep.
**
The next day, in between Warren and Kyle giving him warm, pleased looks, Ben said, “I finished. Reading.”
Warren nodded seriously. “Books. I feel that way sometimes too.”
Ben spluttered. “Oh, fuck right off.” Kyle laughed. “You know what I fucking mean.”
Kyle stopped right behind him, close enough Ben could feel his body heat. “We know what you fucking mean,” he said into Ben’s ear. “Let’s talk over dinner, hm?”
**
If werewolf stomachs were any more delicate, Ben was pretty sure he would have been vomiting in the bushes on the way home. As it was, he left work early and took himself for a lengthy run. He was still a little sweaty when he pulled into the driveway, but he thought Kyle was into that. The look he got when he eased into the dining room made him think he was right.
“Dinner in five,” Warren called from where he was barbecuing something that smelled mouth-watering.
Ben set the table, working around where Kyle was finishing something with potatoes and- broccoli? Probably trying to get him and Warren to eat some vegetables. Warren came in with the meat just as Ben finished. His stomach flipped as they all sat down.
Warren gave Ben a thoughtful look. “Let’s eat first. No serious talk until we’re done and on the couch.”
Ben took the lifeline gratefully. They talked about light things: their work days, Kyle’s amused desire to take both of them to a theme park sometime, a new game the pack was eager to add to their roster. Kyle flirted with Warren and Ben equally.
After, Ben perched on the couch, fighting the urge to flee. Warren settled himself on the corner, Kyle between them. “So,” Kyle said, peering at him from under his eyelashes, “after getting all educated, you still want to watch us make out?”
Ben laughed, surprised. “Yeah.”
“Think you’ve got a better handle on why?”
That was more the type of thing Ben had thought Kyle would ask. He’d felt bloody stupid practicing what he would say, but he was glad he had, now. “I like- how close I feel. And you’re both hot, and hotter together, so.”
Kyle’s obvious pleasure made it a little easier. “Want to watch us do more than make out?”
Ben swallowed. He’d definitely thought about it. “Yeah.”
“Want to do more than watch?” Kyle licked his lips when he asked. Hints of arousal were starting to scent the air.
“I don’t know.” Ben looked at the carpet. “I haven’t really had sex I wanted.”
The hint of arousal died a quick death. Ben didn’t look up to see what their faces looked like. Warren was careful when he asked, “Do you reckon that’s something you want?”
Ben shrugged. “Still figuring it out.” He wrenched his eyes up as far as Kyle’s chin. “I can’t do flirting and boundaries at the same time.”
“Thank you, Ben,” Kyle said gently. “That’s very helpful to know. I’ve got a few, if you’re up for hearing them?”
Ben met his eyes. His face was neutral, though he gave Ben a soft smile when he saw him looking. Ben nodded. “Just a couple, really. No lying. We talk about any outside partners and agree before anything more than flirting happens. And if anyone starts to feel bad, we stop and talk things through. Nervous is fine, everyone’s nervous the first time they do something. Afraid or ashamed or angry isn’t.”
Ben twitched. “I don’t always have words for hard stuff.” Understatement. He would prefer not drag up all the layers of “our secret” that trained him into silence.
“We cool off until you can,” Kyle said.
“I thought.” Ben rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I might be able to type, or write, if I can’t talk.”
“Sounds good,” Warren said. “My rules aren’t much different, but I’ve got a whole lot of “you don’t tell anyone unless you’re certain sure they’re safe” heaped on.” Ben gave him a slightly panicked look. Warren guessed the cause and held up a hand. “Adam knows you’re living here, and that’s all he needs to know as far as I’m concerned. That changes, we’ll talk.”
Thank fuck. Ben cleared his throat. “I don’t want to be touched sexually, yet. And. I need to be able to leave.” That was awful to say. Ben hoped it was enough.
Kyle’s eyes were soft. “Okay. That’s fine, Ben. You can change your mind at any point, and that goes regardless of what we’re doing. If you need to just walk out, you can. If you can tell us later what went wrong, so we can avoid doing it in the future, that’s helpful. But you don’t owe us an explanation.” Ben felt his shoulders drop.
“I told you before, but no one’s going to be mad or kick you out over sex,” Warren added. “We like having you here. It makes us happy. Maybe this will make us all a little happier, but if not, no foul.”
Ben could hear the truth of that. Damn it, he was going to blush. “Alright, got it.”
“Are we done with negotiations?” Kyle asked.
Warren met Ben’s eyes. “Think so, darlin’,” he said. “Why? Getting impatient?”
Kyle dropped his head back on Warren’s shoulder. The punch of Warren’s interest filled the room. “Well,” Kyle said, “I recently found out my super hot roommate is interested in watching me get fucked. So while I want to make sure everyone’s all good to go, I am, yes, just a little impatient.”
“You know, Ben,” Warren said, attention fixed on the long line of Kyle’s throat, “I could fuck him right here.” Kyle’s breath hitched. “But then I’d be thinking about it every time we had someone over. So instead, I think I’ll just-” He stood, scooping Kyle up with him. Clearly used to this maneuver, Kyle wrapped his legs around Warren’s waist and kissed him. Warren broke free after a minute. “Grab a chair and come on in.”