Work Text:
“Marcy, may I get you a beverage? Surprisingly, they have quite a lovely Cabernet Merlot here that I can recommend.”
“Oh, that’s very sweet of you David, but I don’t want you to miss any of the game.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Mom - I don’t think David’s too concerned about that.”
“You do meet some very interesting people in line. Marcy, I had no idea that you were such a baseball fan. Patrick never mentioned it.”
“Oh. Didn’t I? I…I guess I, um, forgot?”
“Oh, yes, I used to go to Jays games at the old Exhibition Stadium with my girlfriends when I was in high school. We always had so much fun. I once caught a foul ball from Ernie Witt and he autographed it for me! I still have it.”
“I always wanted to play with it when I was little, but she’d never let me.”
“Well, it was Ernie Witt, sweetie.”
“Right. Um, Mom? You’re having a good time? Having fun? Enjoying the game?”
“Of course, sweetie. I can’t believe all of the changes they’ve made to the Rogers Centre. Sitting here on a rooftop patio watching the game…it’s so fancy!”
“David thought you’d enjoy it.”
“He’s such a lovely man. I’m so glad you two finally asked me to come to a game with you.”
“Well, I thought…it’s been a few years, and I thought that, um, maybe now, you’d be -”
“Oh, here’s David with our drinks.”
“Patrick, here are your nachos and beer, and Marcy, here’s your -”
“Hey! Bichette! We all know you’re pretty, so quit fiddling with your hair and see if you can make some contact down there!”
“ - your, um, wine?”
“Oh, thank you so much, David, you - David? What’s wrong, honey? You’ve got an odd look on your face.”
“It’s, um, nothing, I just…thought I saw someone streaking across the field. Ha ha!”
“Well, no wonder you look surprised Mmm - this is lovely, thank you for recommending it.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. Patrick tells me that we’re playing the Colorado Rockies today, and that’s reminded me of a very nice Shiraz I discovered at a ski lodge in Aspen back when -”
“Hey! Gausman! You need some help finding the strike zone? I’ve got Google Maps right here on my phone; you want me to look that up for you?”
“Oh, my God.”
“And Guerrero! Try not to trip over your own feet this time getting back to first! Sew some velcro on your cleats!”
“Patrick, what is happening?”
“Do you see now why I’ve never invited her to come to any games with us?”
“I just assumed you wanted private time with me.”
“Yeah, with you and our forty thousand closest friends. David, I think we may have…David, why are you grinning like that?”
“It’s so nice to spend some time with you boys. David, I’m sorry Cliff couldn’t make it today, but he said he’d promised to help his accountant move a piano.”
“You don’t say. Patrick, I thought you said your father was having lunch with his brother.”
“Um…yeah. Who’s…also his accountant?”
“Well, that doesn’t make any - hey! Kirk! You might want to consider not grounding into a double play every time you come up to bat! Just a friendly suggestion!”
“And I for one don’t appreciate all the spitting!”
“David, don’t encourage her.”
“I can’t help it. Marcy, I must say, this is a side of you I’ve never seen but am delighted to discover.”
“Her girlfriends wouldn’t go to the games with her anymore after the Alfredo Griffin incident.”
“Was that some terrible pasta-related tragedy?”
“I wish.”
“Patrick’s always been a sensitive boy. He gets embarrassed seeing his old mom let her hair down.”
“Uncle Brian told me that Kelly Gruber once took out a restraining order against you.”
“Oh, that’s just his idea of a joke. No, the judge never took that seriously once I explained about the error at third that cost us the game.”
“You know, Alexis once talked her way out of a speeding ticket by explaining that she’d left the oven on at the INTERPOL safe house where she was vacationing with the Bulgarian Department of Agriculture.”
“She’s such an interesting person. Boys, I’m having such a good time. Patrick, the three of us should come to another game next week!”
“I think I’m busy. I promised Ronnie I’d help her move a piano.”
“We’d love it. Marcy, I’m going to go buy us all some poutine hot dogs!”
“Hey! Schneider! Trim your moustache, it’s blocking your view of the ball!”
“David, don’t leave me.”