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Lando grunts, scowling at the feeling of freezing cold water dumped over his head.
“Frickin- what was that for?” he demands at his captors. His demeanor changes in a heartbeat, and he bats his eyelashes, pushes his chest out as much as he can against the ropes. “Aww, you’re really so intimidated by little old me that you tied me up? I’m flattered, babes.”
Every bit of training Lando has gone through forces him not to flinch when he feels the cold barrel of a gun pressed against his temple, and again when he hears the safety click off. Still, his toes curl in anticipation.
“I’m going to make this nice and simple for you, Norris.” The guy’s breath is hot and rank, and Lando can’t help but wrinkle his nose in disgust.
“Pretty sure you’re only simplifying things for yourself since there’s not much up there, mate, but go on.” That earns him a swift kick to the stomach. Unfazed, Lando only smirks up at him and moans, “Harder, daddy.”
“As I was saying, we only demand that you tell us where…”
It’s so easy to tune him out. Lando rolls his eyes and yawns, and he would absolutely be checking his nails if his arms weren’t bound to his chair. At least the gun against his head makes things a little more entertaining.
He sighs. “Look, this has been fun and all, but unless you want me to perform fellatio on that gun, I really don’t see what use I am to you.”
The fucking idiot looks like he’s actually considering it.
“If that’ll shut you up.”
Lando simpers. “Oh, hun, it’ll take a lot more than giving a gun a blowie to shut me up. But it’s really not me you have to worry about.”
“What are you talking about?” And when he doesn’t get a response right away, he pushes the gun harder against Lando and yanks his head back. “Speak!”
“First you ruin my hair with the water, and now you’re trying to pull it out too?” Lando whines. “My poor curls! How needlessly brutal.”
The gun slides from his temple, now hovering in front of his face. He licks his lips and smiles before parting them in invitation.
“Go on, bring it closer,” he purrs. “Do your worst.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, Lando wraps his lips around the barrel, staring up at his captor with hooded eyes, and swirls his tongue, moaning like he’s enjoying a nice, warm cock. It’s too bad he can’t properly deepthroat it without the trigger guard getting in the way, but he makes sure to slurp extra loudly to make up for it.
Someone coughs and clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably.
Looks like not even the guys who kidnapped him are immune to his… skills.
“You’re fucking insane.”
A string of saliva connects Lando’s lips to the muzzle of the gun when he pulls away to laugh, smirking against cold metal. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. Insane is fucking me.”
With exceptionally good timing, the doors to the warehouse burst open, revealing a shadowed figure.
Lando’s captor panics and pulls the trigger, but, as expected, nothing happens. Oh, right, that’s because Lando emptied out all his weapons before he allowed himself to get kidnapped. It was all part of his Oscar’s plan, after all.
“You should know better than to use your captive’s weapons, mate,” he snarks lightly. “Amateur.”
The ropes binding him slip away, and Lando shakes his limbs out before daintily crossing one leg over the other, perched peacefully in his chair as men around him fall, one by one. He sits back and enjoys the show.
It’s only when a rogue blood splatter hits his cheek that he yells, “Watch it, Osc!”
One last body slumps to the floor in front of him, eyes still bugging out. Ugly.
“Sorry.”
“Hmph. Took you long enough.”
Oscar takes Lando’s hand, pulling him out of the chair. “My mistake. I suppose I should make it up to you, huh?”
“I had to whore myself out in front of all those frickin’ idiots,” Lando complains. “I wouldn’t have had a problem with it if they were a bit more responsive, but they all just stood around like statues. It was soooo boring.” He grasps Oscar’s arm and smiles up at him winningly. “So yes, you should fuck me as a reward, baby.”
Oscar glances around them, at all the bodies on the bloodstained ground. He shrugs. “Whatever you want.”
In mere fractions of a second, he has Lando pinned to the back wall of the warehouse, kissing him like they haven’t seen each other in years. It was more like a couple hours at most, but Oscar is insatiable once he’s riled up, a juxtaposition from his usual calm demeanor, and Lando loves it.
Oscar’s mouth is a welcome change from his own gun, moving responsively against his. His tongue is even more of a welcome intrusion, teasing the seam of Lando’s lips and twining rather sweetly with his.
“I told him you were insane,” Lando gasps, in between kisses. His shirt is undone in moments and hurriedly pushed from his shoulders.
“Perhaps,” Oscar agrees, and the trail of hickeys he leaves on Lando’s torso is proof of exactly that. “But you’re insane for wanting me.”
He reaches into the waistband of Lando’s trousers and finds the small blade tucked close to his skin, using it to swiftly divest him of the remainder of his clothes. It gets carelessly tossed to the side, and Oscar continues sucking bruises into the side of Lando’s neck as he gropes him.
“Hm, you’re right. I am insane for falling in love with a criminal.”
Oscar’s fingers search for the plug nestled between Lando’s cheeks, forcing all the air out of Lando’s lungs when he tugs it free in a single motion and pockets it. Lando grips his shoulders, moaning wantonly as two fingers sink into him at once, prodding at his loose hole.
“Hurry up and fuck me,” he demands, inadvertently pushing his hips up to meet Oscar’s clothed crotch when the fingers inside him curl. “Don’t even think about playing right now. I’ve been horny since I got kidnapped- aah!”
Oscar hoists him up far too easily and fucks into him, setting a punishing pace. Lando can’t breathe, he feels Oscar’s cock in his throat, and all he can do is use the remaining strength left in his legs to wrap them tighter around Oscar’s waist, squeezing it to urge him on.
“Oscar,” Lando whimpers, breath hitching. He’s close, he can feel the pressure coiling, he’s been on the verge since before his husband came barging in—and that was no help at all—and he screams as he unravels, impaled on Oscar’s cock.
“Shit,” Oscar curses, his hold on Lando’s thighs tightening as he empties inside him, cock throbbing.
“Mmh. Plug me up again, baby. Wanna feel your cum inside me.”
Lando clings to Oscar like a limpet, smiling dopily and nuzzling his shoulder, while Oscar carefully inserts the plug back inside him and tucks himself back into his trousers. Aside from the sweat matting his hair to his forehead and the slight wrinkle to his shirt, he looks exactly like he did when he walked in and started shooting everyone down.
Regardless, Lando takes the opportunity to fix his husband’s hair, running his fingers through it multiple times to fluff it up. He kisses Oscar’s cheek for good measure, sighing softly when familiar arms wind around his waist. Fingertips brush the darkening bruise on Lando’s torso.
“They hurt you.”
“They’re dead, baby.”
Oscar frowns at him. “They deserve to die again.”
“Stop,” Lando whines. “You can’t turn me on so soon after fucking my brains out.”
“Sorry.” Once again, Oscar doesn’t sound apologetic at all.
Lando rests his cheek on Oscar’s shoulder, only tipping his head back to receive the kiss Oscar gives him. It’s sweet. He’s as nude as the day he was born, but he doesn’t care, not when his husband is busy kneading his arsecheeks like a cat, the rhythm almost lulling him to sleep.
It’s too bad Oscar’s enemies never live long enough to see how cute he is.
“Ugh, I can’t believe they dumped water over me,” Lando complains once the chill settles into his body. “I’m cold, and my hair’s ruined.”
“You’re such a princess,” Oscar teases, but he’s the one who removes his coat and drapes it over Lando’s bare shoulders. He pats Lando’s butt over the fabric of his coat for good measure. “Don’t worry about your hair, you’re still very handsome.”
Lando squeaks when he’s hoisted up, practically tossed over Oscar’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and carried out of the warehouse, which promptly bursts into flames in front of his very eyes.
“If I’m a princess, then it's good that I have my knight to rescue me.”
Obviously, Lando is more than capable of saving himself, but why would he ever do that when he has his sexy husband to do it for him?
“I don’t think I’m chivalrous enough to be a knight. You married a criminal, or did you forget that bit? Unlawfully wedded spouses, et cetera.”
Lando giggles. “You’re cute, baby.”
“So should I wait long enough for you to take a gun up the arse next time?”
“Oscar!”