Chapter Text
May 2018
Jeon Soyeon is nervous. While it is true that she has had years of experience performing before a crowd, today wasn’t the same. This would mark her first performance as a group. This was the first time she would be performing a song that she created from start to finish with others.
Her palms are clammy and her throat feels tight. She had slipped away from her group members; telling them she had to use the restroom. Yet, here she was, standing by some obscure corner along the corridor just minutes before they were due to perform.
They weren’t even going to sing live, she reminds herself. It’s not that big a deal, she tells herself. Except it is.
And the jitters return with a vengeance.
She is soon torn away from her thoughts by a tap on her shoulder. Soyeon turns cautiously and is greeted by a girl with long crimped hair. The dark brown waves look almost messy on her. The girl speaks gently, a deep timbre in her voice.
“Are you okay?”
Soyeon holds her hands tighter together. “Just performance nerves.” She manages to croak out, her voice a tad higher than it usually is.
The girl’s eyes and mouth widen slightly in understanding before she soon turns pensive.
“I’ve heard of this thing that can help with performance anxiety.” She finally says. “Not that I ever had to use it myself.”
She makes to grab Soyeon’s hands, and frowns slightly when she sees how tightly clasped they are.
“It’s simple,” she continues, raising her own left hand as she writes on it with the index finger of her other hand, “All you have to do is write---“
She pauses, as though searching for the word.
“Anyway, just swallow.” The girl says as she thrusts her left hand right before Soyeon’s lips.
When Soyeon just stares blankly at her, the girl shakes her hand and nods slightly, urging her. The girl’s eyes are clear with expectation, her lips pressed together in an encouraging smile; and Soyeon swears she isn’t herself when she makes to swallow the invisible word on the girl’s hand.
If the girl notices Soyeon’s lips brushing against her palm, she doesn’t mention it. She only smiles widely, “Okay, that should do it. Now you’re going to dominate the stage.”
Before Soyeon can say anything, she hears someone shouting for her group to get ready to perform.
The girl is still smiling at her when she says, “All the best, unnie!”
And she disappears.
Soyeon thinks the girl a figment of her imagination until Soojin points out that her lipstick is slightly smudged. As the older girl runs a thumb carefully along her lips, Soyeon takes the moment to appreciate how relaxed her shoulders are. While she still feels the same nervous energy, it no longer overwhelms her.
They finish the performance and complete the interviews without incident.
It’s only when the adrenaline dies down and Soyeon is back in her dorm room that she has the opportunity to revisit what had happened at the corridor.
She lets out a high-pitched sound, a mix of a groan and a whine while embarrassment overtakes her.
When Miyeon asks her what’s wrong, Soyeon can only say the one line.
“I’m crazy.”