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Morgan had compartmentalization down to a science. He always had, ever since he was a kid. Emotions, well… Emotions made Morgan tired. It was like the feelings seeped into his very bones, making his muscles heavy and weak. With his life as chaotic as it had always been, there wasn’t time to let that weakness run its course, and so he kept his feelings locked away like toys in their boxes; easy to access when he needed them, but separated from the rest of his mind so he could avoid the inconvenience of exhaustion. And since Morgan’s insomnia made it impossible to actually sleep, it only made sense to Morgan that if he was going to be awake, he should at least have the energy to be active. Nothing made him feel more helpless than lying awake, fatigue leaking through every pore, trapped in the unending, painfully boring nightmare that was the space between wakefulness and rest.
When Alex had come into his life, it had been a blessing. There was a natural fear that took hold, an uncontained excitement, real excitement, for the first time in… well, forever. It was tantalizing, the way it couldn’t be contained in the box Morgan tried to keep it in. It seeped out of the corner of his mind and set his nerves on fire in a way he couldn’t remember having experienced before and he just couldn’t bring himself to stay away. He fought himself for a while, reminding himself over and over that Alex was evil, unequivocally lacking in respect for human life, but there was no point in fighting the friendship. When the most dangerous person on the planet, someone akin to a god, wants to be your friend, how can you even begin to protest that? There was no point in doing anything but letting himself be dragged along for the ride.
Admittedly, the appearance of Hawk, taking on the role of parent, had loosened a significant amount of Morgan’s iron self control. He never wanted to make Hawk feel like its parents were withholding any feelings, and so he smothered it in affection and encouragement, and letting all of those emotions out for Hawk had shaken his sense of self in a way he wasn’t entirely sure how to cope with. So rather than cope, he ignored it, shunting aside the feelings that kept leaking through with an increasing sense of unease. If it meant ensuring that Hawk had a good childhood, feeling loved, then it was worth the discomfort.
But none of that discomfort compared to this.
When Morgan had first realized that Zeep Zorp had integrated with Alex’s supercomputer, he’d mostly been worried that she’d take the opportunity to get revenge on Alex. She’d been (rightfully) pissed at her death in the acid pit, so it was a reasonable concern. Inexplicably, though, they’d gotten along. Worse, they’d started quipping back and forth, sniping at each other with an increasing playfulness that made Morgan’s insides writhe uncomfortably.
“What’s going on with you and Zeep Zorp?”
Morgan covered his face with his hands to hide the burning in his cheeks from his empty bedroom and groaned in frustration. The question had slipped out, his mouth moving faster than his brain, and he’d regretted it the second it left his lips.
“Oh! You’re jealous!”
Morgan wasn’t jealous. Morgan couldn’t be jealous, there was no reason at all to be jealous. He didn’t want to be jealous and so he refused to be, and so he wouldn’t be.
“You know Morgan… if you want me to flirt with you, I can . ”
Those molten gold eyes had burned holes right through Morgan’s brown ones into the depths of Morgan’s soul and Morgan… Well, Morgan ran, like a coward, right back to their apartment and to his room, where he had flopped down on his bed and laid in silence for the last hour, replaying the exchange over and over again in his brain.
He’d never felt so out of control while being the one leading the conversation.
When Morgan finally left his room to make himself a cup of coffee, it was dark outside. He’d been somewhat successful in wrangling his emotions into some form of order, but he’d had no luck in dealing with that burning pit eating a hole in his stomach. Maybe he had an ulcer developing or something; it would only make sense for something like that to happen by now, after nearly two decades of dealing with all of the stress that came with living with Alex.
And being married to him.
Morgan clenched his teeth and scowled at the stained mug in front of him as the closet door that led to the Antarctic base swung open.
“Wow, what was that look for?” Alex strode through, yawning. “Did you finally realize that cup is disgusting and you should probably wash it?”
Morgan turned his glare on Alex, irrational anger growing in a bubble that burst in his gut. “My cup is fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Are you grumpy?” They leaned lazily against the counter, head cocked to one side.
“I’m not grumpy.”
“Are you sure? You seem pretty grumpy.”
“I said I’m not grumpy,” Morgan worked his jaw, trying to loosen the tightness and relax his face and not quite succeeding. He focused on making his cup of coffee. “That means I’m not grumpy.”
Alex and Morgan both watched the coffee percolating, the only sound in the apartment gurgling from the machine. When Morgan picked the cup up and took a long sip, Alex broke the silence.
“I’ll stop calling her ZeeZo, if you want me to.”
Morgan, usually quite practiced at drinking boiling hot coffee without burning his mouth, choked mid sip, scalding his tongue. “Fuck,” he gasped, coughing, setting the cup down and turning away. “Call her whatever you want,” he snapped, covering his mouth with one hand. “Why would I care?”
“I don’t know,” Alex said, once Morgan stopped coughing. “That’s what I can’t figure out.” Before he knew what was happening, Morgan found himself turned around, one of Alex’s hands on his shoulder and the other one gripping his chin, making him look up at those infuriatingly deep gold eyes again. “Because you say you aren’t jealous, and you say you don’t want me to flirt with you, but you also don’t seem to believe me when I say that I’m not flirting with ZeeZo, and you’re clearly upset that I’m being friendly with her.”
Alex’s hold on Morgan’s chin was just a little too tight, just on the edge of too much, and something about the contact was making Morgan’s chest expand uncomfortably. His head was spinning. He had to move away, he couldn’t focus like this, he couldn’t think, but he also couldn’t pull his head away. He doubted Alex even realized how tight they were gripping Morgan’s shoulder- distantly, he thought that there was probably going to be a bruise there tomorrow, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care.
“But I thought ZeeZo was your friend ,” Alex continued. “I said I wouldn’t have killed her if I’d known she was your friend, and I was trying to make up for that by being nice to her. But now I’m not sure what you want me to do.” The silence stretched out across endless seconds and Morgan couldn’t breathe, much less begin to think of how to respond. They were so close he could feel Alex’s body heat through his flannel and their breath on his face, making his head spin as if he were drunk. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”
Morgan licked his suddenly dry lips, trying desperately to regain control of his breathing. “Are you begging?” His attempt at a joke to lighten the mood was ruined when his voice quivered and tension crackled through the air between them, almost audible over the pounding of Morgan’s heart in his ears. His skin burned where Alex’s fingers gripped him and it felt like his face was on fire.
“Yes,” Alex’s voice cracked. They collapsed in on themself, face burying itself in the curve of Morgan’s neck. The hand on Morgan’s chin moved to cradle the back of his head, the other moving to rest lightly on his waist. “Please. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.” Morgan’s racing thoughts stuttered on their tracks at the feel of Alex’s warm breath on his collarbone. He had to get them off of him so he could think, so he could process what was happening, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Alex to move.
He didn’t want Alex to move.
He didn’t want Alex to move, and that terrified him.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
The desperate tone to Morgan’s voice surprised him, and everything in his brain that was still functioning screamed at him to stop, but the words continued to spill out anyway.
“I don’t want you to flirt with my friends.”
Alex lifted his head, straightening slightly, but they stayed so close to Morgan’s face that it made it hard to breathe. Their eyes locked and Morgan wanted to look away, wanted to run, but he leaned in even closer instead.
“I don’t want you to have banter with my friends.” He grabbed the front of Alex’s shirt with one hand.
“What do you want?”
Morgan could feel their hot breath mingling in the air between them, condensing on his lips and making him dizzy. It’s almost a kiss. He’d lost the plot completely, his body moved without any input at all from his brain, and then his lips brushed gently against Alex’s.
For a moment, neither of them moved. Neither of them seemed to even dare to breathe. Then Alex’s lips parted slightly, and Morgan, completely lost in the warmth of the moment, parted his own and tilted his head more, deepening the kiss for a moment before pulling away and taking the smallest of steps back, letting go of Alex’s shirt.
“I’m sorry,” he gasped, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I did that, I’m so-”
Alex cut him off, tilting their head the other way and kissing gently along Morgan’s bottom lip. Heat zipped down Morgan’s spine and, mind completely empty of any thought at all, he stepped into Alex, hands moving to lean on the kitchen counter behind them. Alex let out a quiet little “ah” when their back hit the cabinet, trapped with Morgan’s body up against them, but was silenced when Morgan’s tongue slipped cautiously into their mouth. The hand on Morgan’s waist moved to the small of his back, pressing into him as if Alex was trying to get even closer. Their other hand tangled in Morgan’s hair as Morgan explored their mouth, breaths coming fast and shallow, something frantic building in his core and rising up into his throat. The way Alex’s fingers trembled slightly made Morgan dizzy, and he grabbed them for support, hands going around their shoulders as he pulled himself up, closer to Alex’s height. Their bodies ground together and the sensation ripped a moan, shamefully loud but muffled by Alex’s lips, from Morgan’s throat and they both froze, pulling away to look at each other.
Alex’s eyes were burning like Morgan had never seen them burn before. He didn’t understand how that could be, couldn’t wrap his mind around it, couldn’t even find a way to think about it if he tried. “Hawk?” Alex asked, voice hoarse, arms trembling.
“At Diego’s,” Morgan exhaled, and then Alex’s lips were on his again, strong arms wrapping around him and lifting him off the ground. Morgan felt the dim urge to protest, but instead wrapped his legs around Alex’s waist, moving with an urgency he couldn’t understand. Alex turned and set Morgan on the kitchen counter, leaving their hands free to wander again, one moving once more to brush through Morgan’s messy hair and the other moving up from his waist under his shirt, shaking fingers brushing against the bare skin at the small of Morgan’s back. The contact made Morgan gasp, his back arching involuntarily into Alex’s chest. Alex followed the motion as Morgan’s head tipped back. He almost complained as Alex’s lips left his, but then Alex kissed down his jaw to his neck and any thought of protest flew out the window with the last crumbling vestiges of Morgan’s sanity. The trail of wetness left behind by the messy kisses was cold to the exposed air, but the contrast of coolness on Morgan’s boiling hot skin only sparked an unbearable desire for more contact. Alex’s lips reached Morgan’s collarbone as Morgan’s fingers curled into their hair and an embarrassing whine left his lips. His other hand grasped desperately at Alex’s t-shirt, and he nearly cried when Alex stopped the trail of kisses to look up at Morgan. His heart stuttered nearly to a stop at the sight; the flush in their cheeks made their eyes look like molten lava, their usually perfectly styled hair messy from Morgan’s grip. Their lips glistened in the dim kitchen light, wet from the messy kisses they’d left on Morgan’s skin, and the sight made Morgan’s vision go fuzzy around the edges.
“What do you want?”
Alex’s question scorched the air between them, sizzling with an energy that sparked hesitation. The silence only lasted a second, stretching between them like eternity trapped in an instant. A thousand thoughts ran through Morgan’s mind in that moment, thoughts of how this was a bad idea, how this would ruin everything, how everything would change… then, every thought converged into one; everything already had changed, hadn’t it?
Alex could stop this at any moment. So could Morgan.
He may as well be honest.
“I want you out of this shirt.”
There was no need for Morgan to stop and admire Alex as the shirt dropped to the floor; he’d always known Alex was perfect, physically. Not a scar they didn’t choose to have, always toned, unsettlingly beautiful even when lounging around the house in their handmade granny square sweater. Morgan knew every line of Alex’s body better than he knew his own. Their lips crashed back into Morgan’s, urgency bleeding into every careful brush of their hands against Morgan’s jaw, every gentle, exploring sweep of their tongue past his lips. Even perched on the counter, Alex was bigger than Morgan, broad and warm under his hands. The hands themselves seemed to have developed minds of their own, one grasping around a firm bicep, the other tracing down the contours of Alex’s abs, brushing across the top of their sweatpants. Alex’s breathing devolved into desperate panting into Morgan’s lips and a quiet moan escaped them. How could one tiny sound vibrate so far into Morgan’s insides?
It was far too hot, unbearably hot, and Morgan started frantically working the buttons of his flannel. Alex joined him, accidentally crushing one of the buttons between trembling fingers in their urgency. The flannel was tossed carelessly to the side, and their hands were on Morgan’s scarred and tattooed back, arms circling around his torso as they tipped back together. His head hit the cabinet behind him with a dull thunk and before he could blink, he was held easily in Alex’s arms, his legs wrapping instinctively around their waist as he ground his body against Alex’s. He squeezed his thighs as tight as he could, rocking against them, murmuring blind encouragement into their ear. He could feel them through his jeans, and he lost himself in the blur of desire when Alex’s hands tightened, gripping his ass with restless fingers. He let out a choked gasp when he found himself with his back against the living room wall, halfway between the hallway to their bedrooms and the kitchen, clutching at Alex’s bare shoulders and panting. Their solid palm dragged up Morgan’s ribs, eliciting a shiver that made Morgan arch his back off the wall as best he could, his erection trapped between steel abs and Morgan’s own stomach, straining against the denim and Alex, please-
Alex stopped, pinning Morgan to the wall with an easy show of strength. Morgan writhed uselessly against them as Alex’s hand returned to his jaw, tilting his face to look into his eyes. Morgan whimpered in response.
“Please, what?”
Morgan shivered at the rough tone in their voice and felt his cock pulse in response, begging for attention.
“I need to know what you want from me, Morgan.”
“I need– I want– Alex, please– ” He knew Alex was being cautious, was just checking in, but the courtesy felt like torture as Morgan’s back bowed fruitlessly into the hard lines of Alex’s muscular chest. “I can’t– I want to touch you–”
“You’re already doing that, Morgan,” Alex had said Morgan’s name a thousand times before–no, a hundred thousand, at this point–and all of that, all of it , paled in comparison to the way they said it now. One part growl, one part harsh restraint, and one part something completely new-low and needy, begging Morgan for instruction, or permission.
“My room,” Morgan said.
When Morgan’s back finally hit the mattress, Alex dipped down, supporting their weight on their forearms, chest barely brushing against Morgan’s as they sucked gently on Morgan’s neck. Morgan shivered, arching to press closer.
Morgan knew Alex needed to be careful with him. One wrong move and Morgan could be toast, crushed to death in Alex’s super strength. Morgan, though… Morgan burned with the realization that he had no desire at all to be gentle.
“I want you under me,” he gasped, and with almost no effort at all, Alex rolled to the side, lifting Morgan and settling him carefully on top of them, thumbs digging into his ribcage and sending spikes of pleasure through his gut as he looked down on them. The dim kitchen light echoed down the hall and reflected into his room, highlighting the contours of Alex’s face in a yellow that nearly matched the glow of their eyes. They were completely still now, slit pupils trained on Morgan’s face as they waited to see what he would do next, and how very like Alex to just go along with whatever Morgan wanted to do.
But Alex also rarely did something they didn’t want to, and that knowledge seared through his heart, spilling down through his gut and spreading into his limbs. He returned to Alex’s lips, the kiss devolving into something wet and messy and uncoordinated, then trailed down to their chest, reaching down with one hand to grind his palm into Alex’s burning erection through their sweatpants. Alex let out a startled ah , back arching up into Morgan’s sloppy kisses. He nipped at the soft skin with his teeth, just slightly, eliciting another gasp from Alex. In his blurry peripheral, he noted the way Alex’s fists balled in Morgan’s worn comforter. Experimentally, he nudged Alex’s legs apart with one knee, then pressed his thigh into their dick with more pressure than he could have managed with his hand alone. Their fists and cock twitched at the same time and Alex groaned from deep in their throat. Morgan looked down, breaths coming in shallow gasps as he noted that Alex’s gray sweatpants left very little to the imagination. Any gracefulness that Morgan might have had was gone and Alex’s hips rose to accommodate the way Morgan tore the sweatpants and underwear off in one clumsy movement. The easy acceptance made Morgan’s head spin wildly
Grasping Alex’s naked cock, he gave it a few experimental strokes, watching with fascination as their eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back with a gasping moan. He gave it a wet lick with the flat of his tongue from base to tip, the bitter taste of precum stoking the fire in his core and causing his own cock to leak, the wet fabric of his underwear rubbing uncomfortably. He ignored it, too obsessed with the sounds Alex was making to care as he pulled back the foreskin, swirling his tongue around the head, feeling Alex’s hot pulse in the veins under his fingertips. Pooling saliva and relaxing his jaw, he took it all the way to the back of his throat in one swift motion and held it there, swallowing around the tip relentlessly. The cry that tore from Alex’s throat was music to his ears, and the way their hands fluttered helplessly to the back of his head, across his shoulders, and back to the comforter again made his lips curl into a grin around it. Bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks, he chased the sounds they were making until he couldn’t fight his gag reflex anymore, pulling back. Alex whined when the cool air hit their skin, high and needy, and they pulled Morgan roughly up to kiss them again, grasping at the waistband of Morgan’s jeans. Distantly, Morgan heard the denim tear. He started to laugh into Alex’s mouth at their impatience, then cried out as Alex took both of their cocks in their hand, stroking them together with those long, graceful fingers. Morgan nearly collapsed on top of them at the sensation, burying his face in Alex’s neck and digging his nails into their shoulder as they stroked relentlessly.
“Alex,” he pleaded, voice embarrassingly high pitched, grinding his hips with the motion of their hand. “Alex, please, I’m going… I think…” The pressure was building to unbearable levels and while Morgan wanted to cum, more than he’d ever wanted to in his life, he knew that once he did he would be useless for anything else, and there was no way he was done with Alex yet.
Reaching down, Morgan grasped at Alex’s wrist. “Wait,” he said, breathing hard into Alex’s throat, sweaty forehead resting against their cheek. Alex slowly released their punishing grip, lightly scraping their nails up Morgan’s spine and sending electric shocks to the ends of every nerve in Morgan’s body. Morgan pushed himself up on trembling arms and locked eyes with Alex. “Do you… do you want to…” he couldn’t bring himself to ask the rest of the question, but mercifully, Alex was already nodding.
Morgan reached into the nightstand drawer and rummaged blindly all the way to the back for the neglected bottle of lube he’d kept there for “just in case.” Pulling it out, not bothering to close the drawer again, Morgan returned to Alex, kissing them slowly, savoring the taste of them before pulling back. The steady eye contact almost made him lose his nerve, but he shunted the fear aside.
“It’s… it’s been a really long time. Will you help me?”
Alex took the bottle from Morgan’s hand and flipped him onto his back. “Help you with what?” Morgan shuddered at the question. Alex, with a gentleness that felt almost jarring in the wake of everything that had just happened, removed the tatters of Morgan’s jeans and touched his cock lightly with one hand. They traced their hand over Morgan’s chest with the other, eyes trained unblinkingly on Morgan’s face. He squirmed uncomfortably under the intense scrutiny, breath coming in short whines.
“ Please, ” his toes curled as Alex lightly tweaked one of his nipples, teasing.
“Please, what?” Alex leaned in, nipping at Morgan’s earlobe. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what it is you want help with.”
Morgan gasped at the featherlight touches and arched involuntarily into them. Alex pressed gently on the center of his chest, holding him against the mattress easily with one hand. It hinted at how it would feel to be manhandled by Alex, to be crushed beneath them, and it stoked Morgan’s thoughts to a fever pitch. “I… I want…” One of Alex’s hands curled underneath him, two fingers pushing punishingly against his perineum as the other continued to play with his chest, sending his brain into a mad scramble to find the words to express what he wanted. Opening his eyes, he looked up at Alex with what he hoped came across as reproach. “You… You’re teasing me on purpose.”
Alex laughed breathlessly. “Only as much as I’m teasing myself,” their fingers traced downward and Morgan’s breath stopped completely in anticipation. “Go on,” they sat up, hooking one arm under Morgan’s knee and settling between his shaking thighs as they stroked so close to where Morgan wanted them. “Tell me. What do you want, Morgan?”
Swallowing hard, Morgan released the captive air from burning lungs in one long, slow breath, fighting the urge to give in.
He lost that fight when Alex pressed a slick finger against his entrance, so close and so far from what he needed “I want you inside of me,” he cried, breath hitching in his straining throat. “Please, Alex.”
“There,” Alex was trying so hard to keep composed, but Morgan could hear the strain in their voice. “Was that so hard?” and slid that finger inside with a casualness that threatened to break him.
Alex was being infuriatingly soft as they worked Morgan open, gently spreading their fingers and whispering words of encouragement as if they had no idea that Morgan was about to burst into flames. Those fingers were just barely brushing his prostate on purpose , he was sure of it, and when he bucked his hips, Alex by pulling him up on top of their thighs, draping across his with a relaxed arm that may as well been made of titanium, locking Morgan’s lower half in place. They responded to the increasing neediness in Morgan’s breathy moans by gently kissing up his calves, up to his thighs, and fuck , Morgan couldn’t take it anymore, he was going to explode–
Morgan gasped when Alex withdrew, leaving him feeling hollow. Before Alex could take complete control and continue that frustratingly gentleness, Morgan pounced, scrambling into Alex’s lap with a fanaticism he hadn’t realized he was capable of. One arm locked around their shoulders, he angled his face into the curve of Alex’s graceful neck and dug his fingernails into their shoulder, reaching behind him with the other hand. Grasping their slippery dick with one hand, wobbling slightly, he guided it to the hot dip at his entrance and sank , taking half of Alex into him in one swift motion with a crunchy groan.
He was rewarded with a hoarse cry that tore itself from somewhere deep in Alex’s throat and he lifted himself up slightly, just to slide down a little more, and again, again, until finally, finally , he was seated firmly in Alex’s lap, completely full. They almost sobbed when Morgan squeezed their dick with his ass, pulsing with a deliberate, punishing rhythm, taking his revenge for their infernal teasing. He jerked up, reveling in the friction as he pushed harshly back down. Alex’s arms shook as they wrapped around Morgan’s torso, squeezing Morgan to their chest and Morgan was left panting heavily against their neck as their own cock was strangled between their stomachs, practically glowing red hot and leaving a trail of precum on Alex’s abs as it was rubbed mercilessly between them.
He’d wanted to make it last, but oh, god , it was better than he could have possibly begun to imagine, if he’d ever allowed himself to do so, and he found himself giving up on any ideas he’d had of teasing Alex back to chase the build of his own orgasm, kissing them with a hunger he couldn’t have hidden even if he wanted to. Alex seemed just as starved, clutching at Morgan as if their life depended on it, tongue moving with a wild urgency that fell into rhythm with the wet slaps that echoed in the otherwise quiet room as Morgan drove Alex into him like his life depended on it.
When Morgan came, it was with his whole body, his head tossed back involuntarily and his steady motion grinding to a halt as he shook, crying out Alex’s name and holding onto their shoulders with every ounce of waning strength his tired muscles could muster. Alex took over, then, tipping Morgan onto his back without pulling out as he went boneless, every ounce of energy leaving him. They covered Morgan’s lean body with their own broader one, kissing each of Morgan’s eyelids gently as they fluttered closed. They kept going until Morgan was nearly fucked into overstimulation, his arms falling limply to his sides. High pitched, breathy moans escaped him as each careful thrust rubbed his abused prostate. It wasn’t long, though, until Alex was chasing their own orgasm, and they let out a desperate cry of relief, unraveling as they slowed, shuddering to a stop, pulling out, and collapsing onto Morgan’s chest, breathing hard.
It was a long time before either of them moved. Finally, Alex slid off of Morgan to lie on their side, gathering Morgan in their arms and pulling them gently to their chest.
“I should clean up first,” Morgan mumbled, barely able to form words. “M’all sweaty.” Alex was, of course, infuriatingly sweat-free.
“I’ll take care of it in a bit,” Alex said, planting a kiss on Morgan’s sticky forehead. “You’re going to fall asleep any second.”
“M’not.”
“Of course not.” There was a breath of hesitation. “So… not jealous, then?” There was a laugh just beneath the surface.
“Soon as I can get up, ‘m gonna punch you in the face.” The threat sounded empty, even to Morgan’s tired brain. Alex laughed softly, out loud, at that. Morgan was nearly dozing. “Alex?”
“Mm?”
“What does this… what does this mean for us.”
There was silence for a moment and Morgan’s heart stuttered.
“I don’t know.” They said finally. “Does it matter? My feelings for you are the same.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means I love you, idiot,” Alex sighed. “For someone so smart, you sure can be oblivious sometimes.”
Morgan didn’t really know how to respond to that. Finally, using what little energy he could muster, he willed his weak muscles to lift one arm so he could drape it over Alex’s side and leaned forward to nestle into their chest more. “Love you, too.”
Alex squeezed Morgan gently. “I know.” Another kiss, this one on the top of Morgan’s head, made his fearful mind relax. “But it’s nice to finally hear.”
And, feeling as safe as he always did when Alex held him, Morgan slept.