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Simon’s eyes were drawn back to Johnny’s face when his lover chuckled sleepily from the pillows. He let his hand fall still where it had been gently teasing Johnny’s soft breast, trying not to tease his nipple too much but fascinated by the squish.
“The way ye play with my tits it’s like you’ve never touched any before.” Johnny teased him, his warm hand scritching gently through Simon’s hair.
Simon broke eye contact on reflex, face smoothing out, sighing. “I haven’t. Unless my mother breastfed, but I can’t say I remember.”
“No?” Johnny asked in mild surprise. “Never even tried with a girl? I’m not overly surprised if ye haven’t dated a trans man before, it happens, but even when you were young, ye never got curious?”
Simon shook his head. “I knew I wanted to kiss boys before I ever wanted anything else from them.”
Johnny hummed curiously and chuckled again. “Couldn’t tell it from how you worked your mouth on my cunt, jesus. Must be a natural talent.”
Simon’s amusement faded abruptly and his smile fell, and he sighed as he leaned back onto his own pillows and stared at his ceiling. “It’s . . . not. They kept me cuffed, so I couldn’t fight them, but . . . when I was in Mexico, captured by the cartel, Roba would . . . I think rent me out to people. Maybe it was just a reward for them, maybe they paid for it, I don’t know. But some of the women didn’t like waiting for the drugs to work on my dick, so they’d just use my tongue. They’d hurt me less if I made it good for them.”
His lover was stiff and very quiet at his side for a moment before Johnny gave a rough, shaky sigh and pressed his hand flat into Simon’s shoulder. “You were . . . they raped you?”
“Often.” Simon didn’t take his eyes from the ceiling.
“Steamin’ jesus.” Johnny whispered roughly and shifted a little more upright in bed. “This is not how I would have gone about askin’ you into bed if I’d known that. I’m so sorry.”
Simon caught his hand to keep him from moving away, suddenly afraid that he would, and looked up at him gently, seeing the fear and concern in Johnny’s face and somehow still surprised by it. “I’m all right, Johnny. It’s been a long time now, I’ve had extensive therapy. If I hadn’t wanted you too, I would have told you to fuck off - but I didn’t.”
Johnny relaxed a little but his brows were still drawn with concern as he let Simon guide his hands back down to touch him, gentle and almost reverent as they smoothed over his scarred skin now. “I’m . . . good. I’m glad. Still.”
With a snort, Simon rolled his eyes a bit and decided to just be blunt about it. “I thought it was hot.”
His lover made a choked noise. “I pinned ye to the mat and dirty talked about fuckin’ you on it while ye couldn’t get away!”
“Kink is a valid coping mechanism for rape trauma.” Simon parroted from one of his old therapists - she’d retired years ago, he hoped she was doing well. “Especially in environments where you have to encounter reminders of that trauma on a regular basis. Kink can be easier to just not think about when you’re workin’. So yeah, bein’ roughed up a bit gets me hot, sometimes bein’ pinned does too. Not many people that can do that who I’d trust, is the problem.”
Johnny’s face was turning interesting shades as he talked and he couldn’t help but grin, amused at the obvious reactions he was causing. Terribly inconvenient that Johnny didn’t have a dick to rise up at the teasing, but when Simon let his hand travel down to cup his cunt he felt the lips twitch under his touch and grinned wider.
“You’re a fuckin’ menace, LT.” Johnny said, his voice cracking a bit.
Simon took his hand off his lover and rolled over to prop up on his elbow, tilting his head a bit at Johnny. “Does it bother you?” He asked more seriously, letting his hand rest more chastely on Johnny’s bare hip. “That I didn’t tell you before, or that it happened?”
“The only reason it bothers me that it happened is because you didn’t fucking deserve that.” Johnny said fiercely, his attention snapping to Simon’s face. “I do wish a bit that you’d told me before, but if it wasn’t bothering ye, I suppose I’m not entitled to know.” He tentatively reached up to cup Simon’s jaw, thumb swiping across his cheek. “I’m glad ye trusted me enough to tell me the truth now, at least.”
“It’s not exactly a secret.” Simon told him honestly. “Price knows, Roach knows. Gaz . . .” he trailed off, realizing Gaz didn’t know, hadn’t ever seen his files before they were completely redacted, had never been around when it was relevant. The others he could remember were all dead or at least retired. “. . . I see your point now, I think John and Gary are the only ones left. I wasn’t . . . keepin’ it quiet, I just don’t think about it all that much anymore.”
Johnny hummed. “I can respect that. I still feel a bit shite about how I came on to ye today, but if you liked it, I can get over myself.”
“I liked it.” Simon assured him immediately, and looked up at him through his stained black lashes, smiling.
“Can I kiss you?” Johnny asked almost shyly, and Simon just propped up more and leaned in to grant the request, melting into putty in the Scotsman’s warm hands when Johnny cupped his face like he was something precious and kissed him gently. When their lips parted, Johnny swore softly. “I’m glad you liked it, darlin’, because I really fuckin’ like a bit of a fight in bed, a wee bit of a power struggle, no matter which way it falls.”
Simon rumbled warmly at him and settled his hands on Johnny’s waist, swinging a leg over to straddle him. “Me, too.” he said simply, and dove in for another kiss that Johnny readily opened his mouth for.
They just stayed like that for a few more minutes, exchanging kisses and affirmations, until finally Johnny sighed reluctantly into his shoulder. “Should probably go. I’m already past curfew.”
“You’re in my room. Price won’t say shit.” Simon said bluntly. “Perks of datin’ a lieutenant, love. You’ve got a change of clothes here.”
Johnny hesitated. “Still should , but I don’t want to leave.”
“Stay.” Simon murmured into his skin and felt something in his lover relax under him.
“Okay.” Johnny purred, kissing his jaw. “I should bathe, though.”
“We should shower.” Simon agreed, rising from him a shade reluctantly, and rolling off to let him get up, eyes zeroing in on a streak of his own spend dripping down Johnny’s thick thigh. His dick twitched with interest and he mentally told it to stay down. “Go ahead and take it first.”
Johnny raised a brow at him but didn’t question it. “Yes, sir.” He replied promptly and ducked into Simon’s private bathroom rumbling something pleased about the perks of dating an officer. Simon smiled to himself as he stretched out in the bed and waited for him to return.