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Summer generally isn't the greatest time of year to be practicing rigorous dance routines for hours at a time. But here he was, in all his glory. Akito Shinonome, the most stubborn man in the world.
It was nearing mid afternoon on one of the off days of Vivid Bad Squad's training sessions, Akito was at the park in the sun (not his greatest idea) dancing away.
Near the end of the song, he tripped over his feet and fell backwards onto the dirt with a grunt.
"Fucking…" he mumbled as he looked at the cuts and scrapes on his hands. As he hoisted himself up to go scouring through his bag in the hopes there would be a loose bandaid, Akito suddenly became aware of the amount of sweat covering his body. He'd neglected to take off his hoodie, rationalising that it was 'for the fashion' and that 'he would have to wear it on stage anyway,' this was an obvious lapse in his judgement however, seeing as the outside world did not, in fact, come with air conditioning.
Everything seemed desaturated, and just a little bit too bright. He could feel the colour draining from his face as he grew cold. His vision started to blur and sway as he made his way towards the bench where his bag was sitting next to a mockingly icy bottle of water, but he could only take two steps before needing to lean against a tree to keep from collapsing.
God fucking damnit… how am I supposed to keep up when I can't even fucking do it by myself.
Akito noticed the dryness of his mouth only when it started not being so dry. His knees shook and he put a hand up to his mouth to keep from vomiting. He stared at a peculiar looking rock on the ground to steady his vision. Spit began dripping from his open mouth onto the ground, he couldn't even begin to care enough to keep face.
Akito could feel his pulse in his eyes, and he noticed a few stray pebbles being kicked up in the corner of his view, but he knew that if he moved he would immediately expel everything from stomach.
The dizziness steadily grew worse, he could hear the blood running through his ears, his knees felt so weak, it was a workout just to stay standing.
Eventually, he noticed the person who had joined him, but he still couldn't tell who it was, he was just so focused on staying conscious. He could tell they were trying to say comforting words, he knew they were there to help, but all he could think was;
Go away. Go away. Go away. Don't look at me. I'm disgusting. I'm weak. Don't see me. Get the fuck away from me. Please… please don't look at me…
Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, and at the same time that a gentle hand touched his back, he let out a slight sob, which was just a little bit too much movement. Akito threw up onto the ground next to the tree. It was mostly spit and mucus, and he could hear a noise of disgust from the person next to him, but their hand didn't leave his back. A plethora of thoughts flooded through his mind, but small part of him noticed the coolness of the hand. He hoped it wasn't who he thought it was.
"Deep breaths, Akito. It's alright." The voice was gentle and kind. Their hand was rubbing comforting circles on his back.
Another sob managed to worm its way out of Akito's throat.
"Hey, you're alright. You're ok. Here, let me help." They gently took Akito's hand in their own and slowly lowered him down and around the tree, just out of sight of the mess. It wasn't without difficulty of course, he did throw up twice more on the way down.
Akito didn't know how much time had passed, but he noticed the blurry figure leave and come back with a bright orange drink.
They placed it in Akito's hand, he felt the coolness of the condensation on the outside of the bottle. He took a small sip of the unsurprisingly orange flavoured drink. A few seconds later, his vision started returning to him. He noticed he was no longer wearing his hoodie, but more importantly, he remembered there was someone else there.
Tiredly, he looked over to his left and noticed the one person he didn't want to see.
"Hey. Are you feeling a little better?" Toya flashed him a relieved smile.
Akito felt sick again.
No no no not you why did it have to be you?
In his already vulnerable state, tears started welling up in his eyes. He looked up into the tree, too weak to even move his arm up to hide his face. His throat felt sore, but he knew that he wouldn't vomit anymore if he were to move slightly. This wasn't exciting news, as he had no excuse to be silent. As much as he wanted to keep them at bay, the tears fell down his face. Toya was startled by the sudden emotional burst and moved toward him.
"Why are you here?" Akito rasped. Neither of them moved for a moment.
"... I was just passing through… and I saw you leaned against a tree in a thick hoodie… so I… I went up to help…" Akito was quiet, it had taken a lot of energy just to ask the question.
"... um… I- I'm sorry…" Toya mumbled, he thought he'd done something wrong.
Akito froze for a second. He slowly turned to Toya in disbelief. Toya was fidgeting with a charm on his necklace, a cat shaped one that Akito had gotten him for his birthday. He was mumbling excuses and apologies, none of which were warranted.
"Fuck…" Akito let out a soft, dry laugh, "you don't have anything to apologise for. I should be apologising."
"Wh- what? No but.. but you… you know… it's- it's really ok-"
"Toya, please…"
They were silent for what felt like hours. But even so, it was comforting for Akito. Just to be in Toya's presence. Sure, he was at his weakest, he would never want him to see him like this. But he was also the only one he wanted to see.
Akito took another sip of the gatorade Toya must have bought from a nearby vending machine,
I'll pay you back later, ok?
"Thank you. For… you know, helping or whatever."
"If… if I can ask, Akito. What were you doing out here…?" Toya pressed tentatively.
"I…" I feel like you're leaving me in the dust. "I…" I don't want to lose you. "I just…"
"It's fine if you don't want to say, it's not my place to pressure you into talking about things you don't want to, I wasn't trying to offend you or anyth-"
"I was practicing."
"... S-sorry?"
"... I was practicing our songs. I've been doing it every spare second that I have. Because…" Akito was already in a bad spot, it really couldn't get any worse, right? So he let the words flow, "I don't feel like I'm enough. You guys are all going forward and I feel like I've been at the same level for the past year. I was so talented for a newbie but now I'm below average for my experience. You and Kohane and An, you're all so amazing and I'm just Akito. Completely unimportant Akito. Toya, you don't deserve someone like me, you should find another partner. But I don't want to lose you, so I stay out here, dancing and singing for hours on end in the sun all because I want to keep singing with Vivid Bad Squad, all because I don't want you guys to ditch me, all because I love you Toya."
Oh. It did get worse.
"Shit… no you didn't hear that-"
"Akito-" Toya was disgusted by him.
"No! No no forget about this-"
"Akito-" Toya would leave him behind.
"I didn't actually mean that! I meant as a friend-"
"Akito!" Toya grabbed his hand, Akito could tell he was trying not to be too loud or to move him too much. He was always kind.
They stared at each other for a long time, Akito's eyes red from crying, and tears still falling like rain.
"Akito. I feel the same."
Akito was dumbfounded. Here he was, bawling his eyes out and spilling his guts to the boy who was never supposed to know he was in love with him after literally spilling his guts.
"Hehe…" Akito started giggling, which caught Toya off guard. "Hahaha! I guess I really was stupid then!" Toya laughed fondly and squeezed his hand a little tighter.
They sat there, under the tree, holding hands, until Akito was well enough to stand up again.
He was scolded by Toya and made to promise he would never do something like that again.
They kept their hands intertwined the rest of the way to the Weekend Garage.