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Han Yoojin could feel the poison seeping into his bones just as he was given the dungeon item reward for killing Rauchitas.
[A Wish Stone that can grant any one wish!]
If Han Yoojin hadn't already been resigned to dying by his brother's side, if the pain of his wounds had been any less and the poison wasn't weakening his body until he sunk to his knees, then maybe he would've made a different wish.
But Han Yoojin couldn't stand, and tears continually fell from his eyes as the weight of what happened settled inside him just as much as the poison did.
His brother was dead.
He was dying.
And Han Yoojin had very little else to blame but himself. Too weak to be of any use, too pathetic for his younger brother to rely on, and too prideful to admit to any of that.
And this was where it led to.
This was where it led both of them to.
Couldn't his Yoohyun have trusted him enough to tell the truth? He would have tried his best to keep his head down, at least. Even with his last breath, all he did was try to save Yoojin.
And it was a useless endeavour, in the end.
Yoojin scanned the dungeon, kneeling and with weak arms barely keeping him up, until his eyes landed on a figure lying on its back.
Slowly, he crawled towards it. "Yoohyun...Yoohyun."
Once he reached near enough to touch Yoohyun's body, he struggled with lying the body on its side, his arms shaking with the effort of pulling it to face him. He caressed the face, and stained it with tears and blood as he tried to wipe the dirt off.
"It... might be uncomfortable to lie in that pose, Yoohyun..." he said. Yoojin remembered saying something like that when he would catch his brother sleeping with his head resting on the table after hours of studying. He had always been such a hard worker. Even now.
What am I even saying...
The crawling march, the casual words, were they last desperate acts of...love? Guilt? Han Yoojin didn't really know, but he knew that he didn't have much time left and that his stupid, stupid brother sacrificed so much for him and yet couldn't even say goodbye.
And Han Yoojin couldn't even say goodbye to him.
Han Yoojin couldn't even say that he loved him.
"I don't think...I'll be needing that Gate Stone..."
How could Yoojin ever accept those last words?
Everything had gone wrong in their lives for the past 8 years, when all Han Yoojin wanted was for him and his brother to live a normal life where they still had eachother.
Even if they both lived after this, things still wouldn't have gone back to the way it had. Han Yoohyun would still be an S-rank Hunter who risked his life day by day, and Han Yoojin would continue to remain a thorn on his side--even if Han Yoohyun still loved him back. Because what did Han Yoohyun's love change about Han Yoojin? He was still a leech, he was still an F-ranker, and he would still have been unable to protect his younger brother.
And the world with its systems and dungeons would still be as it was.
If the dungeon breaks hadn't occured, if people hadn't had the need to awaken... then surely, Han Yoohyun and Han Yoojin would have remained as they were, right?
"I wish..."
Yoojin mouthed his wish in a last ditch attempt, wondering if the stone would even grant it.
...
[...Do you wish to live in a different world with your brother?]
...yes.
In another world, in a world like that, they could've been happier, right?
That was Han Yoojin's last thought as he finally caved in to his weakening body and lied on his side, facing his brother, and both looked as though they were succumbing to sleep in a bed that wasn't puddled with blood and sharpened with rocks.
----
Han Yoohyun didn't remember his past life until he was 22 years old.
Until his brother was hospitalized after collapsing at work, the years of manual labour he'd been undertaking since he was a teenager catching up to his body all those years later.
Yoohyun had just been discharged from his military service and was supposed to continue his college education when he was called as his brother's sole emergency contact, the person on the other line relaying his hyung's critical condition.
That was when the memories clouded his mind as a deep well of fear and anxiety he'd never felt before dug inside heart.
Not in this life, at least.
"What do you mean my brother's dying!?" Yoojin would have scolded him for this, but Yoohyun was too blinded by anger (by panic) as he grabbed the doctor speaking to him by the collar. He could hear the shouts of the nurses trying to pull them apart. "He was fine when we met on my last leave!"
"'Fine'...is that how oblivious you were? Kids these days never acknowledge the effort their guardians took on for them, parent or sibling..." The doctor spat out, angered by the way he was being manhandled.
"...What did you say?" Yoohyun shook his body and it took all his self-control (despite holding back so much more as an S class-) to not lash out even further at the doctor. His brother would say that he had already gone far enough.
"It's rare, but it's clear that your brother has always had this illness..." The doctor continued, while the nurses kept trying to de-escalate the situation.
"Please sit down, sir..!" A nurse urged him.
Breathing heavily, Yoohyun let him go and let the doctor continue speaking. He sat down on the chair by the doctor's desk and gripped his hands to try to stop them from shaking, as the frantic beating of his heart stayed.
The doctor watched him and sighed, "I'm sorry for my words earlier...I understand that you're too young to go through something like this, especially since..."
Their parents had already passed away when they were younger, when Yoohyun was a child and Yoojin was a teenager. Just like in their old world.
"You...you said he had a terminal illness," Yoohyun said.
"If you hadn't been aware, then your brother must've been hiding his condition, maybe through painkillers. It wouldn't have been easy, especially if he's trying to hide it from someone who lived under the same roof. It must have felt like a knife cutting into his skin, good grief..."
Yoohyun's grip tightened. "...What should I do? How can I save my hyung?"
Yoohyun looked up and he saw the doctor's eyes softening.
"...I'd say he only has a month left to live..."
What Yoohyun had been feeling at this moment wasn't too different from the memory of a dragon's spikes piercing his chest.
"...The best you could do is to stay by his side."
It felt like it struck directly into his heart, his hands felt numb from the tight hold they had on eachother, and he could feel something prickling the corners of his eyes.
Yoohyun watched his brother from the chair beside his hospital bed. He looked sickly and pale, thinner than when Yoohyun last saw him--an appearance only more emphasized by the hospital gown they donned on him, and with life support attached to his body.
Despite that, he had what Yoohyun would call a peaceful expression on his face. If Yoohyun looked closer, he even thought he could see a small upturn on the corners of Yoojin's lips.
Yoohyun couldn't help the sense of dread he felt at seeing that expression.
Hyung, Hyung, why is your face like that..?
Maybe it's good that he seems at peace. So why...
Doesn't it mean that he's at least not in pain? Perhaps it even means that he's having a good dream...
Yoohyun grasped the still hand of his brother, taking care to not hold it too tight (just as he did in his old life when he first awakened, just as he did in his old life when he let Yoojin go to keep him safe-)
...or, instead, does it mean that Yoojin has already accepted this outcome?
Has Yoojin already accepted that he might die? Has he already resigned the battle before Yoohyun could support him and win?
Was he at peace?
But...
Hyung, I want you to keep fighting.
(Just as you kept fighting in your previous life)
How could you even accept an outcome like this in this life?
(Do you see it as better than before-)
The memories of his past life were fresh on his mind, those 8 years of misery and heartbreak seeping into the 22 years Yoohyun had lived in this world with his hyung. Seeping into those 22 years Yoohyun had treasured and adored his hyung. Seeping into those 22 years where Yoohyun learned to love his hyung.
And now Yoohyun knew that hidden behind those 22 years were 8 years when he had shunned his hyung to protect him. 8 years of Yoohyun denying the pull he felt towards his lifeline. 8 years of Yoohyun pretending that he was basking in the success and glory of his guild while his hyung stubbornly refused to severe the strings that tied them.
8 years that led to a Yoojin with broken legs giving up and inviting Rauchitas into killing him right in front of Yoohyun.
And then...
Yoojin looked at him with an expression that was both in shock and in pain, a desperation that tried to deny what will happen in the very next moment.
Did Yoojin take the Gate Stone that Yoohyun gave him?
Whatever happened afterwards, Yoohyun would most likely never know unless his hyung woke up and remembered his past life as well.
But all Yoohyun could remember was that his hyung had finally given up without ever knowing the truth behind Yoohyun's actions, and Yoohyun refused to accept that choice.
And now here they were.
Hadn't they already gone through this before?
Yoohyun... wouldn't have minded repeating his life with his hyung, but did it always have to end with one of them gone?
Were their lives destined to end this way? Was it Yoohyun's fate to be raised by his brother, to be loved by his brother, to love his brother, and then be torn apart from him afterwards?
(Does it have something to do with my nature-)
If the dungeons had been around, if I was already wealthy enough as a guildmaster in this life, then I would be able to afford the right potions and items to cure hyung...
...But this wasn't a world with dungeons and hunters. And he felt that it would take a very long time before this world could follow those footsteps. He could feel the traces of mana here even less than when he felt them in their old world prior to the dungeon breaks.
This world was, by all accounts, a "normal" world. And Yoojin and Yoohyun had lived a normal life in this world that was really only slightly different from their previous lives. Yoohyun could now feel that his nature had been suppressed even more, he noticed that he wasn't as feared as he was in his old life when he was a child,
And he chose to take a culinary course instead of choosing med school, alongside actually being able to continue towards college and use the college funds his hyung had saved for him.
While him and Yoojin, they were practically the same.
Just as before, Yoojin had been his primary caretaker, and Yoohyun would continue to try to reciprocate all that his brother had done for him with varying results--but all generally ending with a smile on Yoojin's face.
They had been happy.
Just as they had before..
Just like before...
Just like...
Despite Yoohyun living those 22 years before he'd recovered his memories, that life had felt more distant now than ever--like Yoohyun could look back at it all and feel nostalgia. It seemed that all that happiness had been a shadow of the true ugliness of their origin, and like a shadow it could only follow what it derived from, moving in the same way...
...and ending at the same point.
Yoohyun continued holding his hyung's hand, and he continued looking into his hyung's pale, peaceful face.
"Hyung, please dont die. I can't be apart from you, not in this life too." for the first time in a long while, Yoohyun felt tears building in his eyes, blurring the vision he had of Yoojin's face. "Not again... I need to tell you that I never hated you, that I never once could hate you. I'm sorry, hyung..!"
Please
Please
Please
Let met do something
Let me achieve something
Anything
Give me anything to save my hyung
"Well then, who can ignore the pleas of such a pitiful child?"
Yoohyun jumped and looked at the source of the voice. There, in the corner of a ceiling was a...glowing sphere with a face that people might call "cute", which contradicted the mature voice Yoohyun heard from it. Yoohyun blinked in wonder, before he grabbed his chair and readied to throw it at the intruder.
Immediately, the sphere jumped and floated around. "Oh dear, you'd waste a perfectly functional chair by doing that. After all..." and it charged at Yoohyun, who braced himself for any impact but instead, the sphere simply passed through his body.
"So please, set that chair down and let's have a proper discussion." the sphere floated in front of Yoohyun's face, uncomfortably close.
Reluctantly, Yoohyun put down the chair. It wouldn't be much use if the intruder could make itself transparent. He went back to holding his brother's hand.
"What are you? What do you want?" Yoohyun didn't hesitate in going straight to the point. "And what do you mean that you couldn't ignore...my pleas? Do you have something that could help hyung?"
"Oh..! No room for even a simple introduction?"
"That's the introduction; tell me what you are and what's your purpose."
"Ah, fine, if that's what this impatient child wishes...still, please wait." the sphere floated up and down, looking like it was taking a deep breath. "My colleagues and I are acquainted with the beings who administrate the systems in your previous world--as well with those who try to dismantle them--but ultimately, we managed to make us and our world work independently for now, despite coming from the same source.
That is to say, we've managed to maintain the stability of this world for the foreseeable future and we are now working as administrators in a way that's different from your world. In this instance, for this world, I have the title of a 'lifespan dealer'--I create contracts concerning the exchange of lifespans between living beings. And now..."
The sphere floated above Yoojin, and Yoohyun resisted the urge to grab the thing and throw it at the wall. "I want to create a contract with you, exchanging some of your lifespan for your brother's."
"Why?"
"It's simply my job, essentially, and you in particular would be quite an interesting client due to your origin. If this exchange is successful then I might sign myself up for a promotion in the future."
Yoohyun ignored the part about a 'promotion'. "You say that I'll exchange my lifespan for my brother...how much?"
"Well, let's see... usually it would be quite harder to do this exchange with a being such as yourself. You're inherently powerful, even if you're weaker in this world, and it's quite difficult to pluck a soul that's as powerful as yours." The glowing sphere circled back to being in front of Yoohyun's face. "So that's more years we're going to take. 30 years for me, 30 years for the processing of lives and souls. Now, since when did your brother start working in his previous life?"
"...when he was 15."
"Hm...did you know that your brother's condition had been building from his previous life?" the sphere glanced back at Yoojin. "So that would be about...75 years?"
"..."
"Is that a deal-"
"You mean my brother died when he was 30 in our old life?"
The sphere's eyes widened, "ah, so you didn't know..."
Yoohyun felt like he couldn't breathe, his vision was blurring and his palms were sweating. It felt like his whole body was shaking.
His hyung died at 30?
In the dungeon?
Did I really fail?
Why-
How-
Hyung-
A hand lightly grasped his. He stared down at where he held his brother's hand. He glanced at his brother's face, but he wasn't awake.
"I guess he's also dreaming of holding your hand..." the glowing sphere murmured. "though it's curious that you even felt that touch."
Normally, a grip like this wouldn't have affected Yoohyun at all...but considering who it was from, it felt like a searing brand that would leave a print on his hand once it let go.
Yoohyun took deep breaths, and he looked at the sphere. "Alright, then, 75 years. When will I die?"
The sphere frowned at him and huffed, "You're quite lucky that you have a different nature, child, you're essentially the exception in many ways, including to our guidelines. If you really want to know, then it's within 1 year."
1 year.
Yoohyun would have 1 year left to live with his brother if he agreed to this exchange. Within 1 year, Yoojin's younger brother would die and leave him.
And Yoojin will be forced to let him go, again.
Will his brother fight that fate, too?
Does Yoohyun hope that he will?
Yoohyun looked back at his brother's face. Then he leaned down and kissed his forehead.
Will it always have to end this way?
Will Yoohyun choose for it to end this way?
Yoohyun knew the answer to that, and he simply continued staring at his hyung, oblivious to the exchange that had been occurring in his presence. Yoohyun smiled, and his hand went to gently stroke Yoojin's head.
"Yoohyun, I..." Yoojin looked at him with an expression that was both in shock and in pain, a desperation that tried to deny what will happen in the very next moment.
What were you going to say then, hyung? Maybe I'll hear it this time around.
"Hyung, I'm sorry," if I'm going to be putting that expression on your face again. "But I don't think I'm the one who will able to let you go, if we had to choose."
If nothing else, I'll make sure that we're together before that time--it won't be like in our old world.
"... You're not hesitating now, are you, dear?"
"Not at all."
The glowing sphere stared at him for a moment, before it smiled. "Ah, that's the spirit."
After Yoohyun and the glowing sphere finished the contract, the glowing sphere exited with a pop, vanishing into thin air. When Yoohyun looked towards his hyung again, he saw an empty hospital bed. Yoohyun almost panicked before hearing a shout coming from the bathroom.
"Ah! What happened!?" Yoojin left the bathroom and saw Yoohyun running towards him, before being grabbed in a tight hug. Reflexively, Yoojin hugged his brother back.
Yoohyun pulled away and inspected his brother's body, before looking at a face that not only seemed healthier but more youthful. His hyung had always looked young for his age, was his health restored to such a degree that he looked even younger? "Are you alright?"
"Um, yeah! Actually, I never felt better. It's definitely better than the pain I've been feeling for the past few weeks..." Yoojin laughed lightly, before jumping in surprise as he saw the tears building in Yoohyun's eyes. "Yoohyun..! You...are you alright!?"
Yoohyun just hugged him back again, and Yoojin was left with no choice but to reciprocate. He cradled Yoohyun as he shushed and whispered soft words of comfort to his brother, feeling the sobs escaping the body that wrapped around him and tears that wet his shoulder. The brothers remained that way, hugging for what seemed like a reunion after a lifetime's separation.
"...A contract with a glowing sphere? Past lives?"
Yoohyun and Yoojin were now sitting at the table and chair in the hospital room, since Yoojin didn't want to lie back down on the bed.
"Yes, hyung, you don't believe me?" The look Yoohyun gave him was one too reminiscent of a kicked puppy.
"I mean...I know I couldn't have healed immediately through natural reasons...what were the terms of the contract?"
"It was more like they returned a favour I gave to them in my previous life. And this was what I asked for in the exchange."
"Did you really think it through before signing?" Yoojin looked at him with doubt.
"I read the entire contract!" Yoohyun defended. "I wouldn't have signed it if there were any clauses that didn't sit well with me..."
"And that's it?"
Yoohyun smiled and held his brother's hand, squeezing it. "Yes."
"So, then..."
"Hyung, you're healthy now. We don't have anything to worry about. But that doesn't give you the leeway to go back to work." Yoohyun added at the end. The look of offense Yoojin gave him would make you think he cursed his bloodline.
"Yoohyun, how are we going to earn money?"
"I'll be the one-"
"And I'm not letting you drop out." Yoojin said, cutting off Yoohyun.
"Do you want to relapse by overworking yourself again?"
"Do you want for all my hard work to go to waste?"
"If almost dying was where your hard work led you to."
"You brat..!"
Yoojin stopped when he saw the look of genuine distress on his brother's face. His eyes were still red from crying earlier. Yoohyun had never cried much when he was a child, and Yoojin himself was only a child in the few times that he did, so he never quite knew how to properly console Yoohyun.
Right now...maybe he shouldn't give him more reasons to cry.
Ah, I must've worried you quite a bit, didn't I?
Yoojin reached out to pat his brother's head. "Yoohyun, let's discuss this after we get home, alright? Your hyung's still reeling a bit from this turn of events."
After we get home.
Yoojin continued, "I'm just feeling pretty lucky that I got cured in this way. But we don't need to rush things and focus on what will happen immediately. For now, let's just rest, yeah?"
Yoohyun leaned his head into the hand that was caressing him. "Yeah, hyung...for now, we can just be happy."
Yoohyun smiled at his brother and hoped that it reached his eyes, and Yoojin grinned at him back. The adoration and fondness on his face always present when directed towards Yoohyun, and Yoohyun always sinking into its warmth.
*
*
*
Yoohyun was running through the burning building, inhaling smoke that fogged his lungs and turning his clothing to cinders with every step he took being invaded by fire, before he finally collapsed on the floor.
Yoohyun could feel the heat crawling through him as he saw red and orange and yellow--blending together in a wild dance that reminded him of when he had first awakened.
How ironic.
----
Yoohyun could feel every last shred of strength he had leaving his body as he was being rushed through a stretcher, and he saw his brother leaning over him. He looked at him with an expression that was both in shock and in pain, a desperation that tried to deny what will happen in the very next moment.
"Yoohyun, Yoohyun, I remember..! I remember everything, so please..." Yoohyun's vision was blurring as he heard sirens and people shouting around him, sounds that were muffled in his ears in comparison to the crisp sound of his hyung's voice. "Please...Yoohyun, my younger brother, I love you..!"
I love you
I love you
I love you
Yoojin kept repeating those words, and Yoohyun couldn't respond.
So that's what you w anted to say.
I know, hyung.
I...
*
*
*
*
Yoohyun opened his eyes to a white bird circling a tree made of snow.