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Lex looked up from a pile of balance sheets and stock price analyses at the sound of a gentle rapping on his office door.
“Come in,” he called, grateful for any excuse to further put off dealing with the rather horrific backlog of paperwork he’d been ignoring for days. His bland, professional smile turned genuine when Clark Kent strode through the double doors.
“Hey, Lex.”
“Clark, this is a pleasant surprise.” Lex stood, moving around his desk to shake Clark’s hand. Clark’s grip was warm and strong, just this side of too firm, as per usual.
Lex leaned back against the solid mahogany of his desk as Clark shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, looking out-of-place and slightly off-balance, as he often did in the setting of the mansion. “I just wanted to see you, make sure you were okay after all that…stuff…at the plant, with Earl.”
“Well, thanks to you,” Lex gestured grandly at himself, “I am whole and hearty. And, I’m glad to see you too. I trust you’re holding up alright?”
“Me? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I mean…I think my dad’s more upset than I am, ranting about how this never would have happened if your father hadn’t been messing around, or if he hadn’t lied about Level Three…” Clark trailed off, biting his lip.
“I hardly disagree, Clark. No one think’s my father’s more of a bastard than I do.”
“Well, I think my dad might beat you out on that one.”
Lex examined Clark’s expression for a moment before it dawned on him, “Did your dad have a few choice words to say about me, in addition to my father?”
The guilty flicker of Clark’s eyes around the room answered that question.
“You know,” Lex pushed off from the desk, turning his back to Clark as he spoke, “I have to admit, I’d really hoped that maybe after all this time your father’s opinion of me might have managed to crawl its way out of the dungeons of his disapproval, but I guess that was too much to wish for.”
“I’m really sorry, Lex. I told him what you did, how you were willing to sacrifice yourself, but my dad…” Lex turned back around to see Clark ducking his head uncomfortably, kicking his shoes against the floor before he finished in a rush, “he kind of read me the full riot act on how ‘no Luthor can be trusted’ and all his usual baloney.”
Lex had been feeling increasingly annoyed at hearing that apparently nothing he could do would shake Johnathan Kent’s preconceived notions about the quality of his character, but he was quickly overtaken with laughter at, “baloney? Clark, really?”
Clark blushed a bright red, right up to the tips of his ears. “What? I live on a farm, give me a break.” His eyes twinkled through his flush, and he added in a teasing voice, “I don’t speak all fancy like you city people.”
“Well, thanks for defending me anyway, even in your primitive country bumpkin dialect.” Clark laughed, and Lex tried valiantly to ignore the skip in his heartbeat at the sound.
He turned away from Clark again to recollect his suddenly mutinous feelings, and gestured to the couch, moving to settle himself on the rich leather.
“I suppose your father wasn’t too thrilled about me aiding and abetting your illicit house party, either.”
“Oh, I did not tell him you were involved in that…no, that would have made it even worse.” Clark sighed, flopping down beside him. “I can’t believe it was just a few days ago that you were setting off fireworks at that terrible party.”
“Was it terrible?”
“Well, the fireworks made it a bit better,” Clark grinned. “But I was so unbelievably grounded when my parents found out.”
“And yet, I find you here. Somehow I imagined my mansion would be firmly in the no-fly-zone for a grounded Clark Kent.”
“Um…to be honest…academic stuff is the only thing that can escape the grounded-rules, so I may have told me parents I was going to the Talon to study with Chloe and Pete after school.”
“Get a little lost on your way there, did you?” Lex inquired, the paradigm of innocence.
“Just a little bit,” Clark agreed lightly, schooling his face into an entirely unconvincing facsimile of contrition. Lex couldn’t contain his mirth at the sight, breaking into laughter, while Clark struggled in vain to contain his giggles.
“Clark Kent, sneaking around town for little old me, I’m honored. Isn’t your inner boy scout throwing a fit?”
“Eh…you’re worth it,” Clark replied carelessly, clearly unaware of how an offhand comment like that had the potential to throw Lex’s emotional state into complete disarray.
“Clearly I must be, since you’re going around confronting violently enraged gunmen to try and save me.”
“We’re friends, Lex. Friends don’t let friends get killed but angry ex-employees.”
“That’s definitely the first rule of all good friendships,” Lex deadpanned in reply, feeling more pleased than perhaps he should have when Clark threw his head back in laughter.
“But in all seriousness, Clark,” Lex straightened up from where he’d been reclining on the couch, and watched as Clark mimicked his change in posture, “you came back for me and you really shouldn’t have.”
“Aw, Lex…” Clark tried to scoff, actually waving his hand as if to dismiss Lex’s completely valid worries about Clark’s life choices.
“The place was gonna explode, Clark! And actually,” Lex continued, trying to keep the curiosity in his tone to a minimum, “my scientists still haven’t figured out what caused the pressure of the gas to go down.”
“Hmm. Just lucky, I guess,” Clark shrugged, averting his eyes to the space just slightly to the left of Lex’s shoulder.
“Very lucky,” Lex agreed, using all his willpower not to pick at the issue, despite how clearly every inch of Clark’s body language screamed that he knew more than he was saying. “But back to my point…why the hell did you decide to run back into the building that was not only going to combust at any moment, but also held a gun-wielding madman?”
“It was dumb, I guess, but I couldn’t just leave you two in there to die in some awful fireball.” Clark shuffled his long limbs awkwardly, still not able to look directly at Lex. “And I guess…I’ve got a bit of a hero complex, don’t I?”
“You’re just figuring that out now?” Lex teased, giving Clark’s shoulder a good-natured push. “I think I figured that out around when you were giving me mouth to mouth.”
“Jeez,” Clark hid his face in his hands, his next words coming out muffled through his fingers, “this is getting embarrassing.”
“I don’t think so. Though, can I tell you something embarrassing?”
“Please do,” Clark begged, peeking up from beneath his hands, “You’ve seen me at my most awkward but you…”
“I… what?”
“I dunno, you’re always so suave and debonair…”
“Sua–? Clark, you are aware that I’m not…” Lex waved his hands, searching unsuccessfully for an example of what ‘suave’ actually was (i.e. not himself), “I’m not Brad Pitt.”
Clark put his face in his hands again in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his blush. “See, look! I’m awkward all the time. Please, tell me something embarrassing so I can feel like less of a failure in comparison.”
“Funny, because the embarrassing thing is that I’ve always thought you were a hero, compared to me.”
Clark’s blush impossibly deepened, but once his eyes flew up to meet Lex’s they didn’t waver.
“When you’re around, I feel safe. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was completely terrified back there. For a moment when I was hanging onto Earl on the walkway I absolutely thought I was going to die. But then you were there, and you pulled me up, out of the jaws of death again…it makes me think I shouldn’t have been scared at all, as long as you were there.”
Lex laughed after a moment. “Well, judging by the intensity of your blush, if the goal of this was to decrease your embarrassment, I failed rather spectacularly.”
“No, Lex…I just…I think the real heroics were when you came in and tried to talk Earl down. I couldn’t believe you went in there when you knew there was a maniac with a gun and a personal vendetta against your family. And then you took off that bullet-proof vest! And then you said you were gonna show him Level Three!”
“I had to get his attention.”
“Did you have to get his attention in a way that could’ve gotten you shot?”
“He’d already shot one of you!”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think Whitney really counts,” Clark retorted, his lips pouting slightly.
“But what if you’d been next? I couldn’t let that happen.”
There was a moment of heavy silence, as Clark opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally blurting out, “I’m sorry I left you.”
“What are you talking about, Clark? You saved me.”
“But only after I came back in, I shouldn’t have left in the first place, not when you were alone with that…that crazy guy.”
“Clark, you shouldn’t have come back – not that I’m complaining that you saved the day – but still. If I’d done all that, risked all that to save you and your classmates, and then you went and got yourself shot anyway…well. My ghost would have been really pissed at your ghost.”
Lex tried for a smile, but Clark just heaved a much put-upon sigh, before responding, “But really, Lex, you’re the one who’s gotta be more careful.”
“Why? Apparently, you’ll always be there to save me.”
“For a second there, I thought I wouldn’t be able to.” Clark was silent for a moment, his eyes downcast, and Lex had to repress the urge to reach across the foot of cushions between them and take his hand, hold it and reassure him that he was fine, that Clark had saved him.
Instead of taking Clark’s hand, however, he let some of his more self-destructive instincts take over. Poke the bear, they whispered. Prove that maybe he shouldn’t have saved you.
“There’s one thing you haven’t asked me, Clark.”
“Hmm?”
“Did I know about Level Three?”
Clark continued to stare down at his hands, tapping nervously on his knees. “I know you didn’t know, Lex.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Clark looked up suddenly, his eyes grabbing Lex’s and holding him in a stare more powerful than any teenage boy had a right to have. “I knew that you didn’t know, Lex, because I trust you. I said I believed you when we were down there, and I meant it.”
“I thought that might have just been for Earl’s benefit.” Lex wrestled with his emotions, torn between feeling relieved that Clark did believe him, and guilty, because Clark was too trusting, and just because Lex had been telling the truth this time didn’t mean he’d always been telling the truth.
“I trust you, Lex, not because I think you always tell the truth…I know you don’t.”
The breath felt punched out of Lex’s chest at that. Had Clark added mind-reading to his mysterious array of abilities?
“I trust you in that hopes that you’ll want to deserve that trust, and that maybe, one day, you’ll trust me too.”
“I do trust you, Clark,” Lex responded automatically.
Clark’s smile was sad as he shrugged and replied, “I believe you trust me as much as you trust anyone…”
“But I don’t, generally speaking, trust anyone,” Lex finished his thought for him.
“It’s ok. I understand. And I’ll wait.” The corners of Clark’s mouth turned up in a smaller, sadder approximation of his usual smile.
Images flashed through Lex’s mind in quick succession: that secret, locked room in the mansion; the investigations; the money he’d spent probing every available corner of Clark’s life… Guilt flared to life in Lex’s chest, but it quickly morphed into anger. What right did Clark have to patronize Lex about telling the truth, when Clark’s entire life was one enormous mess of misdirection and half-truths? Hadn’t Clark spent his entire relationship with Lex constantly hiding the truth, whatever that truth was?
After a tense silence, Lex seemed to hear his own voice as if from far away, cold and accusatory, snapping at Clark, “And I’ll wait to see when you trust me enough to tell me your secrets. I know you haven’t always been truthful with me either.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to take them back, and then pound his head against the wall until he stopped sabotaging every remotely healthy relationship he’d ever had. Before he could attempt any damage control, however, he saw matching anger flare to life in Clark’s usually soft eyes.
“Yeah? Well, you haven’t exactly given me a lot of reasons to trust you, have you? One moment I save your life, and the next, you’re badgering me about how I did it! Like I’d done something wrong.”
Lex broke under Clark’s heated glare almost immediately. “You’re right, Clark, and I’m sorry.” Now Lex was the one hanging his head in his hands, mentally berating himself for being…well, himself. “I’m sorry for everything…I think I’m still upset, and I’m taking it out on you. I apologize.”
It was almost miraculous to watch the fight drain nearly instantly out of Clark’s frame, to be replaced with compassion, complimented by a tenderness that was almost too much for Lex to handle. How could someone so wholly good be so consistently mendacious? How could someone so gentle be hiding something so dark it warranted the level of deceit that surrounded Clark, his past, the whole Kent family? Because Lex knew Clark had lied to his face, he knew Clark had secrets. But he also knew that Clark was a better man that any Lex had ever met, or that he may ever be likely to meet. Reconciling the two things…well, it was enough to drive a person mad.
“Apology accepted.” Clark’s posture relaxed and he seemed to almost unconsciously tilt closer to Lex. “Is it Earl you’re still upset about? Because my dad says he’s under lock down at Met General, and I saw in the paper that LuthorCorp is taking care of his treatment…”
“No, it’s not Earl. Not directly, anyway – it’s my father. As usual. Having him use me as a pawn in his manipulative games, as a shield against the press…and then coming out of that factory, looking over and seeing you, surrounded by a loving family…” Lex sucked in a deep breath before admitting in a rush, “it makes me insanely jealous. I just…want everything you have Clark.”
“Really? You wanna trade the mansion and the fast cars for a barn full of cow pies and a truck that only works on the full moon and every other Sunday?”
Lex let out a laugh for Clark’s benefit, but his heart felt too heavy to really mean it. “I mean, as much as Jonathan seems to hate me, I’d still trade everything I own to have him as my father.”
“You don’t mean that…” Clark trailed off as Lex fixed him with an incredulous stare.
“Clark, I honestly think my father was a little disappointed that I came out of that plant alive, when the odds of me being conveniently killed, and thus proving correct his lifelong disappointment in me, were so high.”
“You…you don’t really mean that, Lex…”
“Oh, I don’t?”
“Well.” Clark’s eyebrows ratcheted up in concern. “You sure look like you mean it but I wish you didn’t…no, that’s not right, I wish….I wish you weren’t in a situation where you had to mean it.”
Clark gazed at him with those big, sad, puppy dog eyes and Lex reacted instinctively, flipping the conversation back around on Clark before he could probe too deeply into one of the weakest chinks in Lex’s armor.
“And I’m glad that you have the family you do. They’re wonderful people, Clark, and they really love you…I saw how worried they were when you were trapped in the plant with Earl. You’re very lucky.”
For a moment, Clark looked like he wanted to push back, nudge Lex into opening up more about his father, but then he just pursed his lips and nodded. “I know. Every day I wake up I’m glad that they’re the people who found me.”
“Right, of course…” Lex shook his head. “Forgive me, it’s just…sometimes I forget you’re adopted. You fit so well with your parents, you seem so like them, it’s amazing that there’s no shared biology there. But, I guess that tips the balance in favor of nurture over nature.”
“What’s that?”
“Nature versus nurture? The on-going discussion in the scientific community about the influence of genes on a person’s development as opposed to environmental factors? This is pretty basic stuff, even in high school science.”
“Ahhh…but science isn’t really my strong suit.”
“Hmmm…maybe you shouldn’t be skipping studying to visit me.”
“Maybe not, but this is a lot more fun.”
Lex scoffed playfully. “You must have some pretty hellish homework if you’d rather hear me chastise you about your tendency to fly in the face of danger and keep secrets than do it.”
Even as those last words escaped his lips, Lex was already mentally berating himself for once again bringing up a sore point and sending the conversation plummeting into an uncomfortable silence.
But this time, when Lex studied the curves and planes of Clark’s face, he didn’t see anger or resentment, he saw…guilt?
“About the whole…telling the truth thing,” Clark began, his voice so low Lex had to inch forward to hear it. “Would it help at all if, hypothetically, someone who was keeping a big secret from you were to tell you that, yes, there is a secret…and that it’s nothing personal, but he just can’t tell you. Or anyone. Ever.”
“Hmm. Well, I suppose that would be something, hypothetically. But if he couldn’t tell anyone ever...well, this hypothetical person is setting himself up for a pretty lonely life.”
“I– he knows. But he doesn’t have a choice.”
“So that’s it? He’s not going to tell anyone, about whatever it is, for the rest of his life?”
“Well…maybe, someday, he’ll meet someone that he can really trust. The kind of person who would keep his secret no matter what. Someone who wouldn’t use his secret against him, or use it for personal gain. Someone who would keep that secret forever, even if it meant risking his life.”
“Or her life,” Lex interjected casually, glancing innocently up at the ceiling.
“What?” Clark’s brows pulled together in that patently adorable way of his.
“You said ‘risking his life.’ But this hypothetical person’s hypothetical confidant could be of any gender, couldn’t they?” Lex smiled his most saccharine smile, and waited for the (hypothetical) penny to drop.
“Hypothetically…” Clark tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow, “you’re a jerk.”
“I can’t argue with you there. But I’d love to hear more about this hypothetical person who would be worthy of protecting this great and dangerous secret,” Lex leaned forward, insinuating himself in Clark’s space, and taking careful note of the way Clark’s breath hitched as he did so.
“Well, uh…hyp-uh…hypothetically, he’d have to be –er, they would have to be, you know, loyal, and smart, and…and good-hearted and trustworthy.” Lex nodded, looking down at his hands and hoping his disappointment at the obvious disparities between this hypothetical person and himself wasn’t too obvious. “And…” Clark continued, Lex’s gaze edging back upwards at the new, playful note to Clark’s voice. “He’d have to be very suave and debonair, of course.”
Lex watched a pleased grin spread across Clark’s face, and felt an answering one on his own as he snapped his fingers with mock excitement. “Well, I’ve got it. You’re looking for Brad Pitt!”
Clark laughed, loud and open, with no visible signs of distress that the careful “hypothetical” title had been removed from the situation and persons under discussion.
“You know, I met Brad Pitt at a party once,” Lex continued lightly, eager to maintain the newly re-established cheerful mood, “and I can say that he is, somehow, even more ridiculously handsome in real life.”
“I’ll bet.”
“And a really good kisser.”
Lex watched with amusement as Clark visibly choked on air. He wished vaguely that he’d given Clark something to drink so the moment could have had the spit-take it deserved.
“I’m just kidding, Clark, he’s not my type,” Lex continued smoothly, as if Clark’s eyes weren’t bulging nearly comically out of his head.
“No?” Clark’s expression was a hodgepodge of whirling emotions: confusion, hope, apprehension, embarrassment.
“No, I’m not into blondes.”
“So, what, uh, what are you, in…to…” Clark’s blush was making a violent return, but Lex didn’t have mercy on him just yet.
“Well, just between you and me, I tend to favor a more classic, tall, dark and handsome type.”
Clark made a small, choked noise, as his blush began to reach an alarmingly bright shade of red.
Lex finally decided to have pity, before Clark burst a blood vessel at least. Lex stood neatly, adjusting his suit jacket, and offering a hand to Clark.
“Well, as much as I would enjoy continuing this conversation, hadn’t you better be off, before you’re caught out of bounds?”
“Uh, what – oh, right,” Clark took the proffered hand and clambered awkwardly to his feet, fixing his gaze firmly at the floor. “Yeah. I’m grounded. And supposed to be at The Talon.”
“Indeed.”
Clark continued his fierce examination of the ground for a few more moments, before his head shot sharply up, and he recaptured Lex’s eyes with that intense look of his.
“If, hypothetically,” he began in hushed tones, his words coming quickly but softly, “I had a terrible secret, and I wanted to confide in someone, I would choose a person who was brave and selfless in the face of danger, who would sacrifice his own life and safety for a bunch of kids, all because he wanted to be responsible and good, and a better man than his father. That’s who I’d pick.”
“Hypothetically,” Lex breathed, suddenly feeling dizzy.
“Hypothetically,” Clark agreed with a shy smile, before darting forward to press a gentle kiss to Lex’s cheek. A moment later he was gone, and if it weren’t for the warm tingle his touch had left on Lex’s skin, Lex wouldn’t have been sure he’d ever really been there.
Lex’s hand flew to the spot where Clark’s lips had brushed, and he thought to himself: hypothetically, he would keep your secret forever.