Chapter Text
Early September
Nick wakes up on his 19th birthday to a sleeping Charlie in his arms. He smiles. It’s the perfect way to start the day. They’re spending the entire day together; Charlie wanted to be with him for every second of his birthday, so he slept over last night. They kissed and quietly used their hands to get each other off at midnight to celebrate. He’ll be staying over again tonight. And tonight, Nick’s mum just happens to be driving Nick’s grandparents back to their place after they come for his birthday dinner, and she will most likely stay the night because of the long drive. Except that it’s only about 30 minutes so he knows she’s leaving so he and Charlie can have the house alone for his birthday. He’s still not sure how he feels about that- knowing his mother knows he’s going to have sex tonight. But he’s certainly not going to pass up the chance.
He’s been feeling off-balance lately, to tell the truth. There is an internal struggle playing out in his mind every day- he is so ready to leave this town and to live on his own and play rugby with people who are actually good and find more friends that are like him. But then he feels immensely guilty for feeling excited to leave. He knows it makes Charlie sad when he talks about uni too much. So he doesn’t.
But it’s not like he’s trying to exclude Charlie. Everything he thinks about includes him. Charlie is the central figure in it all. When he thinks of living on his own, he thinks of having Charlie’s things in his room, too. He can put his meal plans up on his mini fridge and make sure he always stocks his safe foods. When he thinks about playing rugby, he imagines Charlie there cheering him on. He wants to make Charlie proud and he wants to train with real coaches and he wants to look so good for Charlie. When he thinks about finding friends, he wants to find ones who like what Charlie likes, too. He imagines them at trivia nights and playing Switch and maybe even at a gay club, dancing and laughing. Every part of his life in Leeds has Charlie in the picture.
His thinking and planning is interrupted by Charlie, who scoots back into Nick for a moment, before he stretches and yawns. Nick rolls to spoon him from behind and tucks his face into Charlie’s neck and just holds him.
Perfect.
*
His mum makes them breakfast, they walk the dogs, and then go bowling with the Paris Squad before coming back to Nick’s. They retreat to Nick’s room while his mum goes to pick up his grandparents.
“Want the first part of your birthday present?” Charlie asks mischievously when the door is shut and locked and they’ve heard the car pull away.
“Yes please, but my mum will be back in an hour.”
“Better hurry up, then.” Charlie walks him back towards the bed and Nick lays down.
“Where do you want me?” Nick asks.
“Head on the pillow, hands up,” Charlie says.
Nick wordlessly complies. A few ideas of what might be about to happen run through his mind, but he tries to not expect anything. Charlie pulls out the ties and attaches his wrists to each other and then to the headboard. When he looks up, he can see a small, faded black heart on the inside of his elbow from a few days ago. It looks good. He wants more of them. He loves when his skin is marked by Charlie. He takes a deep breath.
“Good?” Charlie asks when he finishes.
“Yeah,” Nick says, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. Then he stills and waits.
“Good,” Charlie says. He moves down Nick’s body until he’s at his feet. He takes off his socks and massages the sole of his foot. Nick twitches a little, feeling ticklish. Charlie ignores it and moves up to his ankles, his calves, up and up and by the time he’s at Nick’s thighs, Nick is breathing fast and hard.
Charlie sucks a mark onto his thigh, next to the one that’s already there. Nick breathes into the pain, endorphins flaring and flooding his body. Two more, and Charlie stops. He pulls down Nick’s bottoms and Nick lifts his hips to help. Then Charlie comes up over Nick’s body and kisses him. Nick’s arms reflexively attempt to come down and touch, but they’re stopped by the restraint. He moans.
“I’m gonna suck you off now,” Charlie whispers into his ear. “You’re gonna keep your hips still until I say you can move, understand?”
“Yes, Charlie,” he says. He’s not sure why, but he didn’t actually expect this.
Charlie starts by gently touching him, drifting his fingers over the skin of his thighs and his belly and his hips and Nick is about five seconds away from begging when he feels Charlie’s warm mouth on him.
They’ve done this a lot, but it catches Nick off-guard every time. There is no way he can ever be immune to that first feel of Charlie’s hot mouth around him. It’s so good, he has to work really hard to keep his hips still. Charlie likes to be in control like this, with Nick in his mouth. It usually happens when Nick is tied up and he tries not to read anything into it besides the fact that it’s just not Charlie’s thing as much as it is his. Which is fine.
He feels a sharp pinch on the inside of his thigh and he gasps. Charlie pulls off to say, “Having some trouble getting out of your mind today?”
“Um,” he pauses. Is he? He didn’t notice. Charlie pinches him again, letting him know he’s waiting for an actual answer. “I’m sorry, it’s good, I’m just…yeah, having trouble.”
“Okay,” Charlie says. He sits back. “What are you thinking about?”
“What?” Nick says, surprised. He doesn’t really want to have a conversation right now. He’s not even thinking about anything specific, really. “Nothing.”
“Nick,” Charlie says firmly. “It doesn’t particularly matter to me if you come or not right now. In-,” he leans over to check his phone, “-32 minutes, my timer will go off and I will untie you and we’ll go down and sit with your grandparents and have a lovely birthday dinner. But you don’t get to come until you tell me the truth.”
“Charlie,” he whines. He is telling the truth. Sort of. He’s not thinking specifically of what’s been bothering him. But obviously he’s not fully present and if Charlie has noticed enough to call him on it, then it’s probably time to say something.
Meanwhile, Charlie is just sitting back and looking at him patiently. He closes his eyes.
“I wanna talk to you about uni without you getting sad or upset.” That’s what’s been bothering him, really. He opens his eyes to see Charlie’s reaction.
But Charlie doesn’t react. He just looks at Nick and says, “Thank you for telling me.” Then he leans down and takes Nick into his mouth again and fuck Nick can’t adjust fast enough to the emotional whiplash he’s feeling. His hips thrust up, and he gets another sharp pinch, this time on the sensitive skin of his belly.
“Ah,” he says, because that hurt. He keeps his hips still and it takes so much focus that it draws his mind away from what he just said and what Charlie is going to say about it later. Instead he just feels and keeps his hips on the bed.
He’s getting close when Charlie pulls off, looks at Nick and says, “You can move now.”
“Are you sure?” Nick gasps out.
Charlie smiles at him. “Happy birthday,” he says.
“Oh my God,” and then Nick is shallowly thrusting up into Charlie’s mouth, being so careful not to do everything he loves to be done to him. But Charlie has both hands wrapped around him, blocking him from going too deep, so Nick starts to really let go, knowing that the only reason he’s being allowed this is because Charlie is allowing it. It’s freeing. It feels so, so good to let go of that control and give it to Charlie. His mind starts to empty. He puts his feet flat on the bed and thrusts a little more. Charlie moans and the knowledge that Charlie is enjoying this hits him hard.
“Char,” he breathes out. “Gonna…oh-please, can I come?”
“In my mouth,” Charlie says quickly, before returning to his task, and it’s only a few more seconds before Nick is coming in Charlie’s mouth, which he rarely allows. It’s incredible and powerful and Nick hears himself thanking Charlie over and over.
Almost immediately after, the restraints feel uncomfortable and he’s fidgeting and Charlie unties him, rubbing his wrists and his shoulders. Charlie is looking at him like something is wrong, and Nick remembers what he said earlier. He also knows Charlie hasn’t gotten off yet.
“How much time is left?” Nick asks.
“Enough to tell me what you meant earlier,” Charlie replies, laying down next to Nick but keeping a small distance between them. It makes Nick feel uneasy.
“Can you hold me?” he asks. Charlie seems to realise there is space between them, then, and he scoots closer to wrap his arms around Nick. “I wanted to know if there was enough time for me to get you off, too.” Nick stretches up to kiss Charlie’s neck.
“No, Nick,” Charlie says. “This was for you. And we do need to talk about this.”
Nick sighs. “I’m just…” he needs to word this very carefully. “I’m devastated I have to leave you, Char, but there is also a part of me that is excited to go. Not to leave you, but to start the next part of my life.”
“Without me,” Charlie says, softly.
“Not without you. With you. Not physically with you, but you’re going to be part of it, Char. I swear. I want you to. I want to talk about this with you because I’m so excited to include you. I want you to visit and feel at home. I want you to have a drawer with clothes and a toothbrush and I can get you all your fancy hair stuff to keep at my place so you don’t even have to pack a bag. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that when you visit, we’ll have the room to ourselves the entire time. No one will interrupt, no parents will text, nothing. Just you and me and our own space. We can talk, we can have sex, we can try new things…I can’t fucking wait.”
Charlie looks at him like he can see his insides. He wants Charlie to see his insides. He wants Charlie to see that everything he is is Charlie’s.
Charlie looks at him for a moment longer, Nick meeting his gaze, before he breaks the eye contact and sighs. He kisses Nick and it’s soft and sweet. “I love you, Nick. You are so–”
His phone alarm goes off.
Nick sits up and reaches for his pants. Charlie sits up, too, but leans back against the headboard.
“I’m so what?” Nick says. He wants to know how Charlie was going to finish that sentence.
A hundred emotions seem to flick through Charlie’s eyes. But then he takes Nick’s face in both his hands and brings him in close and whispers, “You’re so you . Of course you want to include me. You love me. And I would love to have a drawer and a toothbrush at your place, Nick. I really, really would.”
Nick smiles. “Okay, then.” He feels better already. He still sees something sad in Charlie’s eyes, but it’s gone as quickly as it came.
“We’re getting dressed nice for dinner, right?” Charlie says, digging through the duffel he brought. He pulls out his change of clothes.
“Yeah,” Nick says.
Him and Charlie get changed together. Nick has a hard time keeping his hands to himself with Charlie looking the way he does- a dark blue button up that actually fits him instead of being two sizes too large and a pair of tight, dark jeans. But then again, he always has a hard time keeping his hands to himself, even after all this time.
Dinner is nice. Charlie is part of the family at this point, and he fits in so well with everyone. Nick finds himself sitting back, listening to Charlie and his mum and his grandma talking about Charlie's courses this year and he feels so happy he can’t really explain it. Once again, it’s like he can see the future spread out before him- years and years of family dinners at this table. A bubble of joy rises in his chest and he feels it sting his eyes for a moment.
His grandpa, who is sitting next to him, puts a hand on his shoulder, and it draws Nick’s attention away. But his grandpa just nods at him and looks at Charlie. “You ready for university? But I hope you’ll be coming back to visit?”
“I will. Once a month. That’s the plan.” He sees Charlie’s eyes briefly look at him, before he resumes his conversation.
“And Charlie will go up to see you, too?”
“Once a month,” Nick agrees.
“Sounds like you have everything sorted.” His grandpa nods again. Then says, “You know, I met your grandmother in university.”
Nick isn’t sure where this is going. Is he implying that Nick will meet someone else? “I didn’t know that.” Charlie, too, has turned to look at him and his conversation has stopped.
“I mean, I was in university. She wasn’t. Came back one summer and went to the beach with some mates, and there she was. We wrote letters and kept in touch and everything all worked out, didn’t it?”
Oh. Nick and Charlie look at each other.
Nick’s grandma looks at them now and says, with a shrug, “When you know, you know.”
Nick nods. “Yeah.”
Under the table, Charlie takes his hand. Above the table, he smiles at Nick and agrees, “When you know, you know.”
Nick smiles back. He knows.
*
When it’s time for gifts, Nick gets money from his mum and his grandparents.
“We know you’ll be needing it next year,” his grandma says.
“You’ll spend that on petrol alone in this economy!” his grandad complains.
Nick sees Charlie wince and then look down at his hands.
“We don’t want you worrying about anything, Nicky,” his mum says softly. “If you want to come home more often, or want to go out with your friends…we all want you to enjoy yourself this year. First year of uni is something you’ll never forget.”
“Thank you,” he says.
Everyone looks at Charlie now, but he’s still looking down. He looks sad again and he doesn’t say anything.
“Well, I think we’re gonna go hang out now,” Nick says, getting up. Charlie flashes him a look, but stands to follow. They escape to Nick’s room and Charlie lays on the bed with a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
“Hey,” Nick scolds, coming to lay next to him. He gathers Charlie up into his arms and Charlie just lays there, limp and small. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure this is going to work,” Charlie says into Nick’s shoulder.
“What? Visiting twice a month? It’ll be fine. I just got four hundred quid for petrol and train tickets, Charlie, it’ll last us months.”
“I don’t want you to miss anything.”
“We’re not talking about this again, Char.” Nick says that as firmly as he can. Every so often, especially as it’s gotten closer to reality, Charlie spirals about this. Nick has learned to just ride it out and not take it personally, as hard as that was in the beginning. It has absolutely nothing to do with him; it has everything to do with Charlie and his mum, who is still in his ear about putting all his eggs in one basket, so to speak. He knows they’ve had screaming fights about where Charlie is going to go for university, and he knows Charlie is forbidden to follow him to Leeds. Which he wasn’t going to do anyways, as sad as that made them. Charlie is making all the ‘smart’ choices, but his mum still doubts them. And that makes Charlie doubt them, against his own better judgement.
“Okay,” Charlie says, sounding resigned. Then he says, “Can I ask you to promise me something?”
“Of course.” Nick has promised him pretty much everything at this point.
“If it’s your weekend to come home but there’s something you wanna do, do you promise to tell me and to not come home?”
“I can’t imagine there ever being something I’d want to do more than come home to you.”
Charlie pulls his face out of Nick’s shoulder to look at him. “But if there is.”
“If there is, I will tell you. And then I’ll buy you a train ticket so you can come up and do it with me.”
He sees the tears in Charlie’s eyes and knows that was the right thing to say. He pulls Charlie into a wet kiss as the tears fall.
They lay cuddled up and quiet for a while, until there’s a knock at his door.
“Come say goodbye, we’re heading out,” Nick’s mum shouts through the door.
They head downstairs.